Why do women betray themselves? | Laura Ansell

Why do women betray themselves? | Laura Ansell

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00:00
hello everyone and welcome back to another video thank you so much for being here as always i know that my videos for some people can be very very triggering so i'm always grateful and appreciative of people that are brave enough to keep showing up and hearing these messages because a lot of these messages are being channeled through me through my experiences and through the experiences of the clients and usually most people that click on the videos it's time for you to hear this message it's time
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for you to understand this piece of yourself so there is absolutely no mistake that you are sat here listening and watching this video today and i welcome your presence here and i hope that this video gives you the epiphanies that you need or the validation that you need to step forward into your ultimate freedom because overall any wound that we're carrying whether we're acting through it or not is stopping us from having the inner freedom and the inner peace that we also deserve the enlightenment that we're looking for
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these wounds stop us from reaching those levels and it's my intention to show you these pieces of yourself so you can look at them within and say huh that's a piece of myself that i wish to bring home now and that's all that is and today the relevance of that message at the beginning is because i want to talk today about the invisible child this feeling of being unseen and how that transforms into an adult and how those inner wounds and those
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inner conflicts are hurting your self and hurting others around you that you're allowing to feed into that or that you're feeding from because this always runs back and forth now what i want to start with is the child the child that is not seen now the saddest part of all of this is that we're all born with these very specific gifts we're all born with these really specific traits right and if those traits aren't appreciated
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from a young age then chances are your biggest gift is going to be shut down immediately so the problem then becomes when you're here as an adult maybe watching this video thinking to yourself well i have this feel like they have this huge life purpose and yet i'm not doing anything with it or i don't know where it is or i don't i'm too scared to start it that gift that was given to you was probably invalidated in you as a child and then worse yet not only can it be invalidated it can be ignored or you can be punished
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for having that gift you can be told that that gift is annoying to to other people they cannot understand it they can bully you make fun of you for it whatever the case is chances are we get very very shamed for having these pieces of ourselves that make us unique because we're born into a world where we have to conform and that doesn't just mean conforming society but sometimes it means to conform in a home environment you need to be quiet we don't accept these this behavior we're going to accept loudness we don't accept emotions we don't accept that type of behavior right so
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we have to conform in order to survive the problem becomes that as we get older and we're still living a life of conformity whether it's uh with work relationships or whatever will notice that the body starts to show you something's off it starts to show you that it's getting sick and tired because you're living in alignment with someone else's idea of what's the right thing to do and not your own and this becomes a problem and that's why i've labeled this video exploiting oneself betraying oneself because so many people out there i've
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been talking about this to my clients for a long time now so many people out there are exploiting themselves in order to be seen and depending on how you as an individual person deal with that is going to be the adult that you will become so let's start from the beginning let's start with the child that's not seen so if you grew up in an environment where your primary caregiver was not available to you then that's instantly going to be a bit of an issue
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so your primary caregiver and it's usually the mother because the mother is normally the primary caregiver but it can be the father it really depends on your situation your dynamic and it can be both if they were both equally present but the person that's the primary caregiver if you do not feel like you are connecting with them on an emotional level that's going to cause a bit of a problem because your connection to your primary caregiver is going to be your connection to feeling safe in the world and every child deserves and needs to feel
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safe in their home environment in their world they aren't able to ask for help they can't run away they can't get up and leave the room the only connection they have to feeling safe is through the primary caregiver and that's usually the mother so if the primary caregiver isn't connecting to you then your feelings of safety are going to diminish and you're going to seek the feeling of safety and that transpires in lots of different ways which we'll go into later but you have different types of
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parents that you can be raised with some parents are very mechanical you're always fed you're always bath you're always at school on time and yet you can't quite feel the love that they have for you that could be because the mother is depressed that could be because the mother has a mental health disorder that could be because the mother is too busy thinking about things in her own head that she hasn't got time to sit and open her heart space and connect to you because maybe she didn't learn that right or she's not dealt with her childhood issues and so that then gets placed on you because if your mother grew up with
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disconnection she will not be able to connect with you and then she deals with that so the cycle kind of persists as you can see so you can have the mechanical mom you can have the depressed mother you can have the uh mental health a mother with a mental health disorder you can have a mother who's grieving who's unhappy in her relationship and her mind is elsewhere we have lots of different issues that can create this missing piece in the child so what happens with that child as they grow older is they always feel like there's a gap missing and that's where addictions come
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in again we'll go into that later but there's also this there's always this hollow space and some people will fill that with food some people will fill that up with uh drugs alcohol sex pornography they'll fill up with anything that makes them feel like they're full for a few minutes or a few hours and then they'll go back to the emptiness the sad thing is that the emptiness is always bigger when they go back because once you've had the experience of being filled and then losing it again it feels even more intense this is why
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people would say i'd rather not love and know what it feels like to be loved and lose it because losing it is worse i'd rather never have it right so the problem with addictions is that it becomes bigger and bigger and bigger now with the child what tends to happen is that child needs to feel safe in the world so what are they going to do to feel safe they're going to try to connect with the primary caregiver and how are they going to do that well some children become the so-called anti-depressants
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for the for the parent they try and make the parent laugh make them happy get good grades be good girl be a good boy um if mommy's sick take care of her they become this version of i'm here to fix mommy or daddy and any needs that that child has gets pushed to one side but what happens over time is that that child then just believes that she is there to serve everyone else and she's not to have allowed to have any needs for herself or herself and she's oh he is there for
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everyone else that becomes a bit of a problem or what can also happen is because we want to fit in because we don't want to be excluded we want to feel loved we're going to become something that we think we need to become in order to be seen because remember the feeling of not being seen feels like your life isn't real it feels like you're you're invisible like you're not even real this is where eating disorders and self-harm come in right you're trying to feel real sex addictions are also a part of that it's again wanting to feel in the body and feel alive and
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feel real for a moment so this child will start to blend in with whoever they're around so they'll become like the mother or they become like the father or they'll try and blend in with the siblings or they'll try and blend in with a group so a friendship group that's around them a lot of the time when i've spoken to clients the friendship groups that they surround themselves by are actually not people that they really would resonate with now it's just that they needed somewhere in the world to feel like they belong somewhere and even if those friends didn't treat them well or even if those friends were cruel to them at least they had somewhere that they
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belonged because they don't feel like they're having a connection at home so they'll just go to any group and fit in with whoever they feel they want to fit in with and that's always a really really important thing to remember because you want to always look at your friendship groups and look at what am i friends with this person just because i don't want to be alone or am i friends with them because they really offer value in my life is that person going to really teach me how to be and grow is that person always going to be there for me or does this person use me does this person only call me when they need something does this person only
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spend time with me because they know they can get something out of me because that's the wound feeding the wound okay so these are all different dynamics that can happen if we don't feel seen so this is all us trying to be seen so that we can feel safe in the world if we don't feel safe in the world we cannot have ultimate freedom okay this is very very important if you do not feel safe in the world your freedom is restricted and it's taken and then you're going to seek freedom in other places you're going to feel like i'm going to go into that that
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makes me feel free i'm going to that makes me feel free but really it maybe will make you feel free for a minute or an hour or a day and then you'll go back to your life and you'll feel trapped again because freedom is an inner feeling it's not an external feeling it's an inner feeling but you cannot be free if you're in an environment that's not safe this is why it's important to create a safe space in relationships for each other so that each person can grow and feel like they can be themselves right so what happens when that person gets older and they haven't got the inner freedom
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and they still have all the habits of needing to be seen well this is when men and women in their own different ways will start to find ways to be noticed the quickest ways to be seen and that can there's a huge scope of ways that people will find that in themselves and there's two ways with this we can either be the person that will ex completely exploit
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themselves expose themselves so that they can be loved on a surface level looking for the deeper level but really at surface level they can either be the person that will expose themselves and exploit themselves or they'll be the person that will exploit another person and use another person it really depends on the energy that you're that you're carrying and that you're holding on to okay sorry my phone rang so as i was saying we can either be the one that is going to expose ourselves exploit ourselves or we can be the
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person that will exploit and expose another person now normally what tends to happen is it depends on this female and male dynamic that you're in because if you're primarily in the female energy it's likely that you're going to be the one to exploit yourself if you're in the masculine energy you're more likely to exploit another now it comes from the same wound but it's acted out differently because remember the female energy receives and the male energy gives out just like if you start from the
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beginning with conception the egg will stay where it is and the sperm will move forward to find the egg right because same with the genitals the female genitals are open and receptive and the male genitals penetrate and moves forward yeah so the male energy is always externally acting through and the female energy is always sitting back and receiving so when you look at that through a wound what you'll see is a woman exploiting herself
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to be seen and a man exploiting a woman to be seen it comes from the same wound it comes from being invisible and what invisible does is it creates a sense of powerlessness remember what i said at the beginning if this child is invisible then they are going to feel powerless because they don't feel real they don't feel whole they feel ignored unseen they feel like they become very self-critical they feel like they're not good enough because they blame themselves for not having the connection with the parent i need to be better uh my mom didn't
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connect to me because i was a bad bad girl or a bad boy my mum didn't connect to me because i had an issue because i had a mental health issue or because i was too loud or too quiet or and they're always trying to look for ways to they always feel invalidated and always trying to look for ways to change themselves always trying to look to be better to be better to be better just to have that connection so when you have this gaping wound in you this emptiness this hollowness which is usually fed through with addictions you're always going to be seeking freedom
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because the freedom equals safety you are looking to feel safe in the world somewhere and if we don't understand that that's going to be fed through these wounds and i work mainly with women doing this but of course men do this too a lot of women will exploit themselves they will have sexual intercourse when they don't really want to they'll put their naked body on social media just to get a like or a subscribe or a dm they will get into relationships that they're not 100 happy with just to be loved
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they'll change themselves mould themselves be this persona of a woman just to be noticed and seen by a man and the sad thing is that because they're not seeing themselves those relationships tend to end pretty quickly because they're never really being seen so they'll get into a relationship and now feel seen at the beginning and then after a while because they're not seeing who they really are because they're betraying themselves to be something for someone else they'll then start to feel that emptiness yet again and that comes with its own set of
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problems so that seems to be how the women do that and it's amazing how we put these layers on ourselves we not only betray who we really are and what we really believe to fit in but we can also if we carry that for a very long time we can also convince ourselves that we really want to be doing that and i really am this person i really am this woman i really do love having sex all the time already but the funny thing is that whenever i do a one-on-one with someone who's in that energy
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the longer we go into the call and the more they peel that off the more they go oh my god i actually don't like doing that i guess i just do it because i want to be loved i had a client a while ago and she would she was in a relationship and she would say to me like we have sex like three or four times a week and i said okay out of those three or four times let's say four times a week how many times do you actually want to have sex and she said maybe once a week so i said so three times a week you're having sex when you don't want to be
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having sex yes and i was like well what does that feel like and she said well i don't really feel anything because i feel like i numb myself out but my husband always tells me that he can't connect to me and what she's doing is because she's having sex when she doesn't want to have sex she shuts off completely you see nothing here because this is sadly what women do when they're being sexually assaulted is they are they do have a coping mechanism
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where they shut down and so a lot of women out there are having sex because they think that they should you know i've had clients that say oh i just want to have sex with him because he wants to go off and have sex and he wants to do all this so i'll just be there for him so he doesn't leave me they're having sex but what the body thinks is happening is they're actually being sexually assaulted and so over the years that hit people i felt that over the years their body shuts down their emotions shut down they become very hard they become very cold and sadly if they
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become mothers that child is then going to seek attention and validation because here we go again the cycle begins where this person this small child is not able to connect with the mother because remember the issues come from the main primary caregiver the person that is there the most is going to be the biggest issue if there's a parent that's absent that causes its own problems in itself but the main issue is can i connect with my primary caregiver and if the answer is no that is where the main issue is going to come from so women will exploit themselves like
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that they will have sex when they don't want to they'll put their body on social media they'll have a lot of you know plastic surgery done anything to be noticed and to be seen and the funny thing is is that the only people that see them are those that feel invisible as well because if we look at the masculine side if we're going to look at it in that way the masculine side that also feels the same as she does which is empty trapped not free he's going to seek freedom in his addictions as well and so what he's going to do is
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he's going to exploit the person who wishes to be exploited so he's going to attract relationships where they are very closed off or they are very numb or maybe they are very sexual but it's through a wound it's through i believe i have to be like this so therefore i am but if we stop and ask questions of what's really happening what's really going on then we get to the more of the real story right but there'll be a lot of energies out there men and women in that masculine energy so it's moving outwards
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they will move towards the people that want to exploit themselves because it's the powerless seeks the powerless right this person feels powerless and unseen and therefore she'll expose herself and exploit herself and this person feels unseen and invisible and powerless so he will exploit another to feel more powerful because what we're doing when we're exploiting someone is we are using someone and to use someone is to stay is to kind of say you stay there i'm going to climb on top of you for a moment to feel a bit more powerful
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you are there for me you are not a person in that moment or you are not a being you are there for my joy for my pleasure you're there for me you serve me and i will use you for this moment we see that a lot in relationships so in using that person who wishes to exploit themselves it really is the powerless seeks the powerless it is the powerless feeds off of the powerless now in order to start changing these dynamics because it is the woman that
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sits still and receives if she starts to receive in a different way that will encourage the masculine energy to start externalizing in a different way as well because remember if we're always allowing if we if we're being in this exposed energy exploitation if we're always allowing ourselves to be in that energy we're always going to be seeking those who wish to exploit us if we heal that within ourselves and we choose to no longer allow that into our life
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that means either a masculine has to grow to reach that level to reach you or you'll attract the masculine that's already there and vice versa because if a man is already in tune with himself if he knows he wishes to respect others and not use people and dig them up and help them be their best selves and not let them live through their wounds he's instantly going to be drawn to someone who is in that same space and then they meet together and that creates a really
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beautiful energy but if we're still exploiting ourselves all the time we're betraying who we really are and the men and the masculines do it too because think about it as well if we're always just becoming what's around us i'll just do what they're doing because that sounds cool and we have told ourselves a story for so many years that that's acceptable that's called that's freedom if we don't stop and ask ourselves is that really freedom or is that what i had to tell myself in times where i felt like i was trapped then we can start to elevate to real
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conscious levels of freedom because remember freedom is an internal thing and the purpose of my channel is to set everyone free from all these stories that they have been telling themselves for so many years and to validate themselves and to be the parent that maybe they didn't have growing up but going back to the beginning this all starts with this child not feeling seen and you're gonna know if this is something that you carry in you because you'll feel the problems in the body and whatever the issue is it will be where the body is right
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where the disease is so you know if there's an issue with lu giving too much love to be seen to be loved you're going to get chest issues if there's a lot of always having to communicate always talking to people always trying to make people feel better there can be issues here in the throat if there's a a problem with overthinking and constantly trying to figure out what you can do to be loved and what you can do to feel seen or what you can do here i'm going to offer people my mind my thoughts all the time we get headaches and then if we're con if we're offering our body in a way that isn't alignment with who we are
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then we're gonna have problems in the reproductive area in the genital area so with women they're gonna end up with the cysts and the fibroids and the endometriosis they're gonna end up feeling very close and very tight and very dry because they're having sex when they're not open and wanting to be in that space and if that continues that's when you're going to see issues with um cancers and that's when you're going to see issues with going as far as having the womb itself removed or the ovaries removed because the problem has been there for
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such a long time and with men they also can get issues in having cancers and problems in the genital area and in the prostate area as well that's all connected and they're also going to have a problem with ejaculation they're going to have a problem with getting an erection keeping it they're going to lose it a lot because they have been using their genitals and their sexual energy in a way that isn't in alignment with who they really are because remember we're born at these as these really pure beings we don't we aren't born wanting to
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exploit ourselves or be exploited we're not born into that that is something we created for ourselves to feel like we need to survive we created those stories for ourselves and so what we're doing every time we do that is we are living in someone else's ideal world and betraying what we truly believe and the sad thing is that when we start to realize how much we've betrayed ourselves like how many times we've been sexually active with someone we didn't really want to or
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every time we used someone for sex or use someone's body to feel good for five minutes when you start to realize that it's a very icky energy i'm warning you now when you start to release this and realize what your actions have done to others and what others people's actions have done to you and what you have done to yourself is a very sticky icky energy it takes a bit of time and you have to work through the levels of forgiving others and then forgiving yourself and then making some changes and when you realize this there's going to be a lot of things that come up for
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you in your world that you're going to suddenly start to see differently or you're going to be given an opportunity to start seeing things differently because we want to live in true alignment with who we are at our purest form not who we have to be to be seen or who are to be become to be loved but who we really are in the in the inner states and it's really connecting back with the inner child and reminding that inner child they may not have been seen then but they certainly are being seen now
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and once that child feels seen a lot of these wounds will come up to the surface and move and you're left feeling more free and more whole and more alive than you ever thought you could because when we're seeking freedom outside of ourselves but we're seeking things that make us feel alive and real and connected they're not really real because everything starts on the inside if you feel alive on the inside you will not you you will not crave that feeling on the outside if you feel completely loved on the inside you will not look for love on the outside if you feel completely completely free
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and hold and safe on the inside you're not going to seek freedom on the outside it's all internal first so guys if you resonate with this video please send me an email my email is below and let's talk about having a one-on-one i'm offering a bit of a discount at the moment because i really really want to talk to people about this i'm really noticing all the women mainly coming forward with this and it's usually women because it's usually women that hold space for the men to create the changes as well but remember we have to be the ones to
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find this wholeness in ourselves so that people around us can be inspired by our our own wholeness it's not a job to fix anyone it's not our job to make other people realize anything but it is our job to stay in alignment with who we really are so that we can inspire others to find the freedom and the love within themselves so if you think you want to have a conversation with me please by all means send me an email below or just go to my website if you want to you can book a one-on-one and you can use the discount code love and it will give you a quarter of the price off so if you want to do that
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feel free to go ahead or if you want to email me first and have a bit of a discussion about what it is please do that too um and we can talk about booking you in for a session in the next in the near future and i'm really looking forward to talking to people about this because this is going to create such a huge shift in the world you don't even know you don't even know all right guys thank you so much for being here i so appreciate you being here i hope this video brings you love clarity freedom whatever it is that you needed tears if that's necessary
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i'm sending you guys so much love please go to my instagram laura ansel official to catch me there live as often as i can go i am in the middle of a lot of changes and i move again so i might be on and off there but that's where you're going to find me predominantly on instagram so please get instagram if you haven't got it or add me laura ansel official and you can send me a dm there as well if you want to work with me one-on-one i try and reply to as many dms as i can can't always do it but i try to and if you want to book in with me you can shoot me a message there i appreciate all your messages of appreciation as well my last youtube
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video i got a ton of emails of people throwing happiness and gratitude at me and i'm so honored to have those messages it was just like the best week ever just so much love being thrown at me and i so appreciate that so thank you for being here thank you for watching this video and i'll see you in the next one

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