SUBTITLES:
Subtitles generated by robot
00:01
hey everybody it's shaman sisterson and
i just wanted to talk to you today for a
few minutes about
something that's very common in
relationships with narcissistic people
of all kinds whether it's family or
friends or relationships that are
romantic
that is the desire or even what can feel
like a need
to rescue
the narcissist in your life if you feel
the desire to rescue other people or if
you can be manipulated by accusations
00:33
that you are abandoning them
you might be attempting to save yourself
through them in a manner of speaking
if no one ever rescued you if no one
ever cared that you felt abandoned it
can be very difficult to feel that you
are abandoning somebody else or to be
told that
it's a sad irony though that so many
people abandoned themselves
in their esc excuse me their efforts to
rescue other people even though
the unconscious reason that they're
01:04
doing it
is because of themselves it's about
their selves and their own wounds
unfortunately this is very common but
it's not
necessarily talked about all that often
the important things to understand are
that you cannot save other people and
you are not abandoning someone when you
end a relationship that is toxic or
abusive you will be abandoning yourself
if you stay
you are responsible for taking care of
yourself
and you're the only one who is other
01:36
people are responsible for themselves
let them do that
you can address your own wounds in these
areas without involving the wounds of
other people and without abandoning
yourself even further there's only more
abandonment trauma waiting down this
road your attempts to rescue other
people
will not automatically cause them to
reciprocate and abandoning yourself to
care for other people creates a need for
them to reciprocate it can be
devastating when they don't
02:07
unfortunately most people who would
allow or even encourage maybe a partner
a family member or a friend to abandon
themselves in the relationship
these are not people who actually know
how to reciprocate
they generally don't understand the
concept
they're not interested in learning they
are too focused on themselves
the child inside of you
who's still waiting to be rescued
needs to know that they are finally safe
and depending on emotionally unavailable
people for that is not ever going to
02:39
help you stop feeling abandoned it only
reinforces the wound and the dependence
that child needs to be able to depend on
you
it's time for you to take the time for
you it's time for you to give this
energy to yourself
time for you to allow for self-care you
don't need to earn
love and decency you deserve those
things you are
allowed to take up space
and this
goes along with another very important
03:11
very common
thing that happens in these
relationships which is the idea that
everyone will do better if you give them
the chance and if you show people love
they will do the right thing
unfortunately some people don't want to
do better you
may be thinking about how you would have
responded if someone gave you what you
were giving to other people but that's
you
for some people no matter how many
chances you give them they're not going
to do the right thing
03:41
many people like to believe that if you
give someone the opportunity they're
going to do what's right many people
like to believe that if you offer
someone skills they will willingly learn
that's not the truth
some people
don't want to do better some people
don't believe they need to do better
some people don't think your idea of
better actually is better
be careful how many opportunities you
give somebody
ask yourself if it really seems like
they want this opportunity or if they
04:12
can actually use it
many times the truth is staring us in
the face and we just don't see it
a person who has been given repeated
opportunities to fix a problem or do the
right thing yet fails to do so obviously
either does not want to or can't
either way the end result for you
it's the same
people are how they are this remains
true until they decide to do something
about that
there is a world of difference between
wanting things to be different and being
04:44
willing or able to do the work to make
that happen some people can't some
people won't either way there's nothing
you can do to change either one of these
things
ask yourself how many chances someone
really needs to stop doing things that
are hurtful or that damage their
relationships they're either willing and
capable of doing it or they're not
and the number of chances you give them
has absolutely nothing to do with it
so i hope that clears a few things up
05:15
for you may the great spirit bless you
y'all have a beautiful day
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