If You Try To Rescue Narcissists... *NEW*

If You Try To Rescue Narcissists... *NEW*

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00:01
hey everybody it's shaman sisterson and i just wanted to talk to you today for a few minutes about something that's very common in relationships with narcissistic people of all kinds whether it's family or friends or relationships that are romantic that is the desire or even what can feel like a need to rescue the narcissist in your life if you feel the desire to rescue other people or if you can be manipulated by accusations
00:33
that you are abandoning them you might be attempting to save yourself through them in a manner of speaking if no one ever rescued you if no one ever cared that you felt abandoned it can be very difficult to feel that you are abandoning somebody else or to be told that it's a sad irony though that so many people abandoned themselves in their esc excuse me their efforts to rescue other people even though the unconscious reason that they're
01:04
doing it is because of themselves it's about their selves and their own wounds unfortunately this is very common but it's not necessarily talked about all that often the important things to understand are that you cannot save other people and you are not abandoning someone when you end a relationship that is toxic or abusive you will be abandoning yourself if you stay you are responsible for taking care of yourself and you're the only one who is other
01:36
people are responsible for themselves let them do that you can address your own wounds in these areas without involving the wounds of other people and without abandoning yourself even further there's only more abandonment trauma waiting down this road your attempts to rescue other people will not automatically cause them to reciprocate and abandoning yourself to care for other people creates a need for them to reciprocate it can be devastating when they don't
02:07
unfortunately most people who would allow or even encourage maybe a partner a family member or a friend to abandon themselves in the relationship these are not people who actually know how to reciprocate they generally don't understand the concept they're not interested in learning they are too focused on themselves the child inside of you who's still waiting to be rescued needs to know that they are finally safe and depending on emotionally unavailable people for that is not ever going to
02:39
help you stop feeling abandoned it only reinforces the wound and the dependence that child needs to be able to depend on you it's time for you to take the time for you it's time for you to give this energy to yourself time for you to allow for self-care you don't need to earn love and decency you deserve those things you are allowed to take up space and this goes along with another very important
03:11
very common thing that happens in these relationships which is the idea that everyone will do better if you give them the chance and if you show people love they will do the right thing unfortunately some people don't want to do better you may be thinking about how you would have responded if someone gave you what you were giving to other people but that's you for some people no matter how many chances you give them they're not going to do the right thing
03:41
many people like to believe that if you give someone the opportunity they're going to do what's right many people like to believe that if you offer someone skills they will willingly learn that's not the truth some people don't want to do better some people don't believe they need to do better some people don't think your idea of better actually is better be careful how many opportunities you give somebody ask yourself if it really seems like they want this opportunity or if they
04:12
can actually use it many times the truth is staring us in the face and we just don't see it a person who has been given repeated opportunities to fix a problem or do the right thing yet fails to do so obviously either does not want to or can't either way the end result for you it's the same people are how they are this remains true until they decide to do something about that there is a world of difference between wanting things to be different and being
04:44
willing or able to do the work to make that happen some people can't some people won't either way there's nothing you can do to change either one of these things ask yourself how many chances someone really needs to stop doing things that are hurtful or that damage their relationships they're either willing and capable of doing it or they're not and the number of chances you give them has absolutely nothing to do with it so i hope that clears a few things up
05:15
for you may the great spirit bless you y'all have a beautiful day

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