Narcissist's False Self (How does the narcissist's false self develop?)

Narcissist's False Self (How does the narcissist's false self develop?)

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00:00
it took me literally 35 years to recognize that i had narcissists in my life and i hear similar stories from clients and followers all the time can you relate how long did it take you to see the truth the fact is that narcissists can be really difficult to spot and there are a number of reasons for it one of which is the fact that they're not really showing you their true selves at least not in the beginning of the relationship but of course if you stick around long enough for them to get comfortable with you a shocking and upsetting thing happens the mask comes right off and you see the true face of the narcissist
00:31
and listen it is scary today at queenbeing.com we are going to talk about the narcissist's false self how it develops and if you stick with me through the end of the video i'm going to help you understand exactly what you're supposed to do with this information so let's get started when you're born you express yourself through instinct on so many levels that is your true self the fact is that as a human your instinct is to live and as a baby that's all you've got so you need to be fed you need to be changed and even cuddled every few hours now there's no such thing as a perfect parent but if your parents did the best they could and you
01:04
were cared for properly then you would automatically show your authentic self but that doesn't always happen for narcissists they never show their true selves at least not in public in fact most of the time they are living through what i would call their false self and don't get me wrong here just like you the narcissist was born expressing him or herself through instinct as well but if they were not nurtured properly and they were denied the things they needed then they would develop a false self and that's what we see today the reason this happens is that when the infant is not given what they need and they are not nurtured
01:34
in the way they need to be nurtured they are on their way to being not authentic in any way at all it is possible that one of their parents was a narcissist and that in that case their needs wouldn't be met they would have been given responses of disapproval over and over again and if the child attempted to show them their authentic self it would be shot down now on the flip side maybe they were overindulged and they lack discipline and balance and that can equally be damaging i'm going to leave a link for you to a video in the description below to give you more information on attachment styles and how this happens but in general in most cases somewhere
02:05
along the way the narcissist authentic self was replaced by an artificial persona as they grow up they start to build a false set of relationships that are all based on this facade they're showing but what purpose does the false self serve for the narcissist here's the thing the false self is a protective mechanism that protects the narcissist as a child from feeling their dependency needs being unmet so the false self blocks feelings of shame that the narcissist had from only having had conditional love from their parents it's also a way to prevent them from remembering any trauma or shock that is associated with being
02:36
abandoned neglected or abused what are the characteristics of the false self well those who are living through the false self can very often appear charming and well mannered and polite i know right but here's the thing a lot of that is just completely phony or fake as their facade does not really reveal who they actually are on so many levels the false self is the reason they don't feel any type of empathy as all they cared about growing up was having their own needs met and since that never happened during childhood this kind of explains why they live in the fall self because in so many ways their authentic
03:08
self is just not there anymore it's empty and they literally have nothing to offer now if you wanted to understand why narcissists have an inflated ego this might give you a clue and they can be abusive if they don't get what they want and need and now you can also see why the narcissist might go into fits of rage when they're feeling threatened or they're rubbed the wrong way and you might also get why they're insecure and would never allow their true selves to come out because they feel shame this doesn't make any sense most of us have also been through our own types of abuse so why is it that we don't
03:38
hide behind the false self what makes it okay for us to be authentic the fact of the matter is we all have parts of ourselves that we show the world and parts that we don't we can be as authentic as we want to be narcissists didn't start off being evil they didn't start off being cruel and horrible and terrible they started off as innocent children like everyone else but through the course of their life the way that the abuse manifested for a narcissist is different than the way it manifests for us we tend to become people-pleasers many of us become more codependent there are some studies that suggest that narcissists
04:09
stayed focused on the fact that their needs weren't met and in order to get them met they began to focus inwardly on themselves and that makes sense if you think about it from the perspective of a child and unfortunately narcissists typically have the emotional maturity of a child now those of us who didn't turn out that way who didn't live in the false self who didn't turn inward what we did is we turned outward and what that means is that instead of loving people less and caring less about how people felt we recognized that
04:39
our safety depended on other people being happy and so instead of focusing on what we couldn't control instead of focusing on trying to change other people and force other people into positions they weren't comfortable in we went the other way and we put ourselves in a position that wasn't comfortable because we figured if we could keep everybody happy around us then we might not be hurt so much but why is there so much confusion in toxic relationships seems illogical right because if they're not empathetic why would they even seek out relationships essentially because the narcissist
05:10
hides behind this sort of armor that is their false self they fool you from very early on your first impression of the narcissist was probably a very good one in many cases because they showed you only the best parts of themselves when you met they showed you that false self the construed qualities and traits that they present to the outside world they make it really hard to see who they really are i mean you're stuck deciding whether you really got the sweet and charming love you signed up for or whether the wool was pulled over your eyes and the real person is actually that abusive insulting manipulative narcissist you're
05:41
dealing with in real life of course this leads you to a serious kind of mental torture that causes you to literally become at odds with yourself we call that cognitive dissonance you're trying to reconcile the illusion that you were initially presented with versus the person you're now dealing with in so many cases in order to cope with this mess you start trying to improve yourself to change yourself for the narcissist but in reality you've done nothing wrong and you're not the issue at all in fact you're just subconsciously trying to uphold that initial impression you had of the narcissist the image of the false
06:12
self is challenged during the inevitable devaluation phase in a toxic relationship and then by the time you get to the discard phase also inevitable with a narcissistic person by the way the cycle like the beat goes on you will be treated to glimpses of the truly ugly face of the narcissist you know the one that spews out cruel and painful poison that causes you to lose all faith in yourself faster than you can say boo yeah and then you see the coldness the callous indifference that leads to what feels like absolute torture for you well your first reaction is that everyone has a bad
06:43
moment and this can't possibly be who they really are and that this is possibly the closest you're ever going to come to actually seeing the narcissus real self yeah well this is about the time that you recognize that the amazingly charming or engaging or otherwise awesome person you got involved with in the first place is gone suddenly now you just see this horrible contempt that they seem to have for you and when you realize that they felt that way all along your heart breaks a little more if that's even possible at this point but what you have to realize here is that none of this is your fault in reality narcissists are simply not capable of
07:14
feeling genuine love or empathy for anyone else they just use people to meet their own selfish needs once they exhaust one source of supply it's on to the next don't let yourself believe in that magical connection you once thought you had it was just a part of the whole narcissistic cycle an illusion just like the narcissist's entire identity so now that you know all this what are you gonna do with it what are you supposed to do with it well you start picking up the pieces of yourself and you begin the healing process you move forward you go no contact if possible or low contact if you're forced to deal
07:45
with them say as a co-worker or a co-parent now i'm going to attach a section of a previous video right here to help you do exactly that and then i'll be right back to see you afterward take a look so if you look up soul ties on the internet the definition is varied some people say it's related to sex and if you've had sex with a person you have a soul tie with a person some people say it's related to family ties to put it really simply a soul tie is simply a connection between your soul and the soul of another person they are intimate bonds that tie you to
08:16
another human being regardless of what it is what it means is that you feel connected to that person we're going to talk about what you can do to let go of those feelings so here's the thing soul ties are created by dopamine when we have a sexual experience or a positive experience of some kind with another person our brain produces dopamine which is the same chemical that feeds addiction drug addiction gambling addiction sex addiction chocolate cravings all of that dopamine is basically the feel-good chemical in the brain it is a
08:47
neurotransmitter and it plays a pretty big role in our lives both positive and negative see our bodies don't really care if it's cocaine or it's a cupcake or it's sex dopamine will be produced and we we will be bound to that person or thing when we're talking about a narcissist they kind of become our drug of choice it's also called enmeshment so it is an unhealthy enmeshment of souls of spirits of people of individuals and that's why when you leave a narcissist a lot of times you slip up and you go back for a while that's why it's so hard
09:19
to do it that's why you have to do it sometimes many times i know even when i left my narcissist i went back at least once to experience all of that one more time it was a bad choice but i don't regret it because it's in the past and you shouldn't either you're human and if it happened it happened keep going it's not important that you fell off the wagon it's important that you get back on in fact this is exactly why i suggest that people really dig into their self-development at their own personal growth after they go through a narcissistic relationship because if we aren't in the place where we are
09:49
spiritually emotionally physically mentally strong we really aren't in a place to resist a narcissist or any sort of addiction when we can be in control of ourselves and we can handle things in our lives because we're healthy and we have it all together upstairs and here we can't be violated because we know we deserve better than that we know how to set boundaries and we have set them very specifically and very clearly and we don't let people hurt us because we don't allow them to cross our boundaries at that time we become no longer available for abuse
10:22
does that make any sense when you do not allow people to abuse you in small ways they cannot abuse you in bigger ways so many of us have this deep seated fear of abandonment but when it comes to the survivors of narcissistic abuse people who are getting out of toxic relationships the fear of abandonment is not only real but it's real debilitating so i think something that a lot of people don't realize is that the fear of abandonment may or may not come from actually having been physically abandoned
10:52
the thing is that while some people were actually abandoned in childhood like my husband who was left in a telephone booth as a newborn other people weren't ever physically abandoned by anyone or they were abandoned by one parent but not the other but they were dealing with a series of abandonments that was masquerading as a relationship basically so what happens when you're dealing with a narcissist whether it's a parent or a spouse or any sort of person in your inner circle is that it is a like i said a series of small abandonments when they go through
11:24
the cycle where they love bomb you and then they devalue you you start to get that emotional abandonment and then they emotionally discard you now sometimes they never physically discard you or they never leave you but they always mentally discard you the fear of abandonment is more than just being physically abandoned but yet we have this ultimate fear deep inside of ourselves of always worrying i don't want to be alone i can't stand to be alone the idea of being alone scares me more than the idea of staying with someone who's abusing me in some cases but what you don't recognize is that being abandoned
11:56
or the idea of being abandoned it creates this deep anxiety within us and and it many times starts early in childhood but even when it doesn't start until we're much older it affects our relationships it affects our ability to see ourselves as whole people it affects our self-worth our ability to make decisions all of these things see abandonment or the idea of it is almost a visceral thing for nearly every human because in different times if we were abandoned by our mate or abandoned by our parents we might die out there in the in the
12:27
wild but today it's different but yet we still have those sorts of fears like intrinsically inside of ourselves so we have to recognize a few things here our brains are programmed to be afraid of abandonment in general as humans because of the visceral stuff but also if we experience abandonment in any sense of the word we become focused on the fact that we are potentially in danger from any number of real or perceived fears so recognizing these things as logical points great but i understand that just knowing
12:58
it doesn't always fix the problem or the fear of abandonment itself a lot of people who watch this channel a lot of people who have gone through narcissistic abuse in general were also dealing with something similar in childhood and so their fear of abandonment your fear of abandonment can be very very deep seated and can be even beyond your ability to comprehend where it came from but what's important to know is that if you do end up alone that you're gonna be okay and that alone is a state of mind maybe you live in a house by yourself but you still have support in some way if nothing else you've always got your spanily
13:29
emotional abusers are not any better than anyone else they are just as bad as physical abusers if not worse they just don't leave scars for the world to see but the scars they run deep for us don't they so they figure well i'm not physically hurting that person so i'm not really doing anything at all because so many people don't even realize emotional abuse is a real thing and i think that's why so many people are so shocked by this when it happens as you may know emotional abusers tend to use their target's fears as basically a way to abuse them they use their target spheres against them so in most
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cases when a partner directly threatens to abandon you or a parent directly threatens to abandon you even if they have never physically abandoned you before you are being abandoned in that moment and they use this fear of abandonment as a way to control you and keep you in check and so if you don't work through that and get past it then you are going to find yourself accepting and settling for things that you don't deserve things that aren't good enough for you since a lot of us already have abandonment issues it's really easy for abusers to keep us in check and keep us in place by continually
14:30
doing these little mini abandonments over and over again to us and then threatening to abandon us is almost in some ways the ultimate control that a narcissist can have and they will use it to overstep every boundary you have and to keep you in check in addition to having been emotionally abused you have that basic human factor like i mentioned in that you are wired to want to be connected to people so what you have to know is that your brain kind of works against you in these situations because when you really feel threatened by abandonment by being alone when you're not supposed to be or you don't expect
15:00
to be or you don't want to be something happens to your body and your brain certain neurotransmitters and hormones are released like cortisol and adrenaline and because you're not connecting with them emotionally or in any other major way that feel good we've connected and bonded hormone oxytocin doesn't show up or at least it's depleted and guess what that is that's a cocktail for pain you know dealing with the cortisol and the adrenaline without the feel good hormone my gosh you're going to feel terrible you're going to feel miserable and you're going to think all you can think about is getting back to that person
15:30
you'll do anything to bring back the good feelings even stay with an abuser and sadly this is the truth regardless of the level of abuse to which you have been subjected which is why things like trauma bonding and of course the stockholm syndrome which are basically the same thing exist it's almost like they're training you like a dog as you learn to kind of feel abandonment or the fear of it every time you don't do what you're supposed to do you start doing what you're supposed to do according to the narcissist you just want to prevent the abandonment and those yucky feelings that happen when that abandonment cocktail cooks up in your brain
16:01
so you do whatever the abuser wants you to do and sadly you and the narcissist become used to this so then what happens is you're kind of both brainwashed they're brainwashed by themselves into controlling you and you're brainwashed by their abuse and their use of the fear of abandonment against you to do whatever they want or fear being abandoned the abuser feels even more in control even more able to decide how things are going to be between the two of you and you feel even less capable of doing that as time goes on pretty soon there's no time
16:31
in between the abuse sessions because it's just all one long abuse session you're just constantly living in fear of being abandoned and doing whatever you can to prevent that you're like almost chasing the high of the good times that you once felt and you never really quite feel them again in that relationship you get kind of shell-shocked you know what i mean what it comes down to though is that this type of abuse even when you finally do wake up and you get out of that relationship you find yourself kind of repeating these patterns with new relationships unless you give yourself enough time to heal it's all about finding unconditional
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love unconditional self acceptance it's just being okay with who you are in this moment so much so that you tolerate nothing less than what you deserve you don't hold anyone else responsible for your life in fact you know that you have a lot to do with creation and changing the way that your life looks from here on out you trust yourself you protect your energy you make sure you intentionally choose your vibrations you intentionally choose how to think and feel it's really all about being yourself and being totally fine with who
17:34
yourself is regardless of whether you call it a soul tie or enmeshment or whatever there are lots of things that you can do to break that connection between you and the narcissist one of the easiest things is to get rid of everything in your home that reminds you of the narcissist or change it if you can't get rid of it if you can't afford to buy a new couch put a new slip cover on the couch and move it to the other side of the room you see if you want to change the way you feel you have to change the energy of yourself and your environment so you can either give the narcissist all their crap back or you can give it away to charity or
18:05
whatever don't deliver yourself if you do decide to give it back make sure you put it through a third party and the same thing for any gifts they've given you some people like to use a practice called smudging where they burn a stick of sage and they bring it around their house and they light special candles or they want to cleanse their home i think one of the best most simple things you can do is clean your house from top to bottom get rid of everything the narcissist has given you or left in your house rearrange the rooms change something go so far as to paint something take back your house just like you're gonna take back your life one of the best
18:35
things that i have found one of the most effective ways and i talk about this all the time is to write a letter so write a letter to the narcissist say everything that's on your mind say all the things that you miss about them say all the things they did to hurt you say all the reasons you're angry say all the reasons you're in pain at the end of the letter i want you to say and now i'm forgiving you for myself not for you because i deserve to live without that toxic energy in my life and i'm releasing you wrap it up don't actually send the letter i didn't need to send the letter once i wrote the letter it was enough for me i found that when burning the letter i felt much relief
19:06
some people say that they throw it down the river if you do that make sure you use biodegradable paper some people like to buried in the ground so i don't really recommend that as much some people suggested that they tied it to the to a balloon and released it into the world i don't care how you do it whatever you do write the letter get it out of your soul and get rid of it i find that to be very effective and if you do so handwrite it if you can if you're not capable because you have carpal tunnel or whatever fine but if you can hand write it handwrite it that will be really helpful for you as you move forward there are lots of other things you can do if you work with a professional like neuro linguistic
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programming or nlp massage of various types tapping there are different kinds of tapping you can do i think it's important to allow the feelings to come because when we're in the middle of a relationship with a narcissist a lot of times we shove our feelings down really far and we don't feel them for a long time so let the feelings come first feel them allow them to pass work through them but when you're ready to move forward you must make an intentional choice whatever that is so many survivors have said to me my narcissists just won't leave me alone they finally get out of the relationship or the narcissist even discards them
20:09
and they're finally ready to move on and that's about the time the narcissist really digs in on that hoover most likely you already know what to expect if you broke up with a narcissist recently but if you're considering doing it here are a couple of quick things for you if the narcissist is the person who breaks off the relationship you can fully expect that it's gonna feel brutal and sudden and you're not gonna know what to do with yourself now if you're in this situation right now you know exactly what i'm talking about one minute you thought everything was fine your partner was like you're everything i've ever wanted seems perfect and then next thing you know you're wondering what the hell
20:40
happened where did this come from that's because narcissists are really good at sort of playing a part as they're in the relationship with you but once they finish with using you for what you you're good for so to speak they don't really care if they toss your side like a tissue right at the same time they still want to hold on to you as often as long as possible what if you're the one to break up with the narcissist what happens then first of all if you've done that congratulations because i know how hard it is personally secondly you can expect them to beg and plead and fight and stalk and and freak out on you until you
21:10
agree to take them back or until they get bored and move on to a new supply they'll promise to change everything they might suddenly start doing stuff for you that they never did before or that they would promise to do but never did they might tell you things like you'll never find anybody else or you'll never find anyone as good as me or go ahead out there and pick up a new person you know they're just gonna hurt you cheat on you or whatever thing they think you're scared of but don't listen because the fact of the matter is all that is is a trick to get you back don't fall for it don't stay out of fear so the next thing you should do is what establish no contact
21:41
but when you try to establish no contact the narcissist freaks out on you and doesn't give you an option to stay no contact right they text you they call you they look for all these reasons they need to speak to you why does the narcissist want to hold on to you so tightly why does the narcissist refuse to let you move on number one you're the narcissistic supply so what that means is if you've been in a relationship with a narcissist or even if we're talking about a parent narcissist or a friend or a co-worker narcissist what you're dealing with here is someone who has gotten used to having you around there's someone who has gotten used to
22:12
using you as an emotional dumpster and who enjoys whatever supply you're giving them whether you're feeding them or cooking for them or having sex with them or just being the perfect or imperfect person around them that they can brag about or complain about whatever day it is so what are they to do if you try to cut off their supply and go no contact whether you've left them or they've left you they're not going to like that they're going to follow up they're going to keep calling a colony calling and texting and swinging by i had somebody in the live chat the other day telling me that her narcissist sent the police to her house in the middle of a nice stupid well-being check they'll do anything they don't have any limits so
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be aware of that protect yourself if you have left a narcissist and you've left something in their house or you've left the house and you left something at the house unless it's something that you absolutely need to take don't worry about it just buy a new one or get a new one when you can't if it's a priceless family heirloom and you really want to deal with it see if you can have somebody else go pick it up for you or ask the narcissist to mail it probably you're not going to get it back just be okay with that unless it's something you absolutely have to have in which case you can always have a police officer go with you to pick up the item and leave right away
23:12
a narcissist is kind of like a hoarder when it comes to supply okay people narcissistic supply a hoarder enjoys collecting stuff narcissists like to collect people some people call this a narcissistic harem or a circle of supply one of the reasons the narcissist will never let go of you is because they want you to be a part of that narcissistic harem or that circle of supply so even if they have moved on they still want to be able to stop by your place and get whatever that they can from you when it's convenient for them to do so be aware see narcissists don't care about right and wrong they don't care
23:43
about ethics and they certainly don't care how you feel they don't care if every time they stop by your place they re-traumatize you and they put you back into a spinning you know wheel of death all they care about is they get their needs met and if you're willing to help them do it guess what they're coming over you have to remember narcissists see people as objects or extensions of themselves they don't actually believe that you have your own thoughts and feelings on a level that is real as real as theirs because the narcissist requires so much attention they generally group together or accumulate
24:13
a whole bunch of people a big circle a big variety of people just in case their primary and secondary and tertiary supplies aren't available this way they can turn to whoever is available when they have the need for them we might feel weak almost powerless to resist their charms even when we know better one of those times is during the narcissistic hoovering phase so what is hoovering anyway just for those of you who don't know the hoovering technique was named after the famous vacuum cleaner as you might have suspected and it's one of the many common manipulation tactics used by narcissists
24:44
it's basically when a narcissist sucks you back into the relationship after they've gone no contact or after they have discarded you whether that was intentional or otherwise and often after you have chosen to go no contact they sent you back into the relationship or some version of it it often begins innocently enough sort of subtly but it always happens with just one target and that is to regain control of you in the relationship whether it's because they want you to be their backup supply or it's because they want you to remain as their permanent primary supply so here's a pretty simple
25:16
example of what hoovering looks like do you remember in the peanuts cartoons when charlie brown would come along and try to kick the ball that lucy was holding for him every time he tried to kick it she'd just pull it away and laugh and laugh and laugh when he fell on his head jolly brown now charlie brown i can't believe it she must think i'm the most stupid person alive she'd actually there was no tomorrow she kind of enjoyed his pain well charlie brown did what any kid would he he would stop trusting her to hold the ball but inevitably lucy would promise every
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time that this time she'd really let him kick that ball hold it ha you'll pull it away and i'll land flat on my back and kill myself come on charlie brown it's a big honor for you and inevitably she pulled away at the last second and she bust out laughing again as he fell well if it's that important a person should never turn down a big honor maybe i should do it besides she wouldn't try to trick me on a traditional holiday this time i'm gonna
26:19
kick that football clear to the moon hoovering usually begins after the devalue and the discard phases when the silent treatment stops giving the narcissist pleasure and when they're ready for more more of that supply that you've been so good at giving them for all these months or years or it'll start when the narcissist knows that you're left or you're leaving and they fear that you won't return because they like your supply the idea is that the narcissist needs to re-establish contact with you in order to re-engage you for the narcissistic supply that you've been so good at providing all this time this is a
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dangerous tactic my friend because once the narcissist gets their foot in the door you often find yourself being love-bombed and hearing promises of brighter days ahead everything's gonna be awesome but just like forest charlie brown you're bound to fall again so how are you going to deal with the narcissist hoovering today if you're still stuck in that relationship might as well just let it happen keep some safeguards in place so first of all don't take the bait because if you do you might end up allowing the narcissist to cross your boundaries and you'll end up settling for less than you really deserve in the long run plus you don't want to allow yourself to
27:22
start doing the things that you wouldn't normally do in order to please the narcissist again and you don't want to stop taking care of yourself in favor of the narcissist's needs most importantly you don't want to give up your own independence but in general first thing you need to do is make sure that your boundaries are firmly in place number two if you put safeguards in place or consequences in place due to the narcissist bad decisions keep those in place even and especially during hoovering know that this phase is going to end know that you're going to be back to normal with the narcissist at some point this is just a temporary
27:54
attempt the narcissist is making to suck you back in don't believe me look at the narcissist's previous patterns in your own relationship or the relationships they've had with other people in the past next up make a special effort to maintain your healthy activities and relationships and even increase in your engagement with those things anything healthy in your life this will help to strengthen your recovery efforts and it'll help you stay on track with no contact a lot of times we kind of let the narcissist hoover us to bargain with us right we will try to create positive change in our
28:26
relationships because right now they're trying to get us back so they're acting nice and sweet and tight so we'll be like well i'll tell you what i'll consider it but you have to do xyz first or i have to see that you're trying i have to see this or that or the other thing and we think that because the narcissist seems so receptive they seem so on top of stuff they seem like they're so yes anything you want i'll do that thing but at least more so than usual well our requests seem like they're gonna be heard but they're not you gotta understand most of the time any change that is created during a hoovering phase is gonna be short-lived
28:57
you're only going to be setting yourself up for disappointment in that situation you have to keep in mind that as big of a jerk as the narcissist can be they are a person with a personality disorder they are a person with a personality disorder and mood swings and they're rapidly swinging here and there and the everywhere rapidly changing ideal ideals ideas and ideals all part of that thing so you don't want to allow their personality disorder to fool you you have to remember what they really are even if part of them really wants to create those changes and they really seem honest it will not continue to stay safe
29:28
for you it will eventually roll right back to where you were when you didn't want to be with them in the first place next up remember that knowledge is power educate yourself on npd you're doing that right now make an effort to understand what you're dealing with and who you're dealing with because understanding does lead to overcoming next don't allow yourself to depend on the narcissist emotionally at all as they will disappoint you every single time especially when it matters the most the hoovering phase can and will cloud your judgment and you might even end up setting yourself up for some real emotional
29:59
devastation if you allow the narcissist to lull you into that false sense of security and intimacy don't let it happen to you next if you have been physically abused by a narcissist and hoovering is an attempt to make you forget it please don't get some help check out the emergency domestic violence page at cleanmeeting.com contact your local authorities whatever you need to do get a restraining order stay the hell away from that person finally understand this deal for what it is the narcissist doesn't love you the narcissist is not capable of actual love except maybe
30:30
and i don't even know for sure that they would love themselves i think most narcissists hate themselves and that's kind of why they secretly are who they are the fact is you're just a pawn in the narcissus game and so get off the roller coaster my friend go or stay no contact or low contact if you aren't able to completely cut all contact try the grey rock method it works the bottom line is the one thing that you can count on with a narcissist is that they do not change they might get better at hiding their true selves for a while and they might pretend to change for a while to get you back and you might really believe them
31:00
but they never actually change at least not in my experience not my research and not anybody else's experience who's ever spoken to me now it's time for the question of the day and the question of the day is what have your experiences been when it comes to the narcissist in your life and their identity share your thoughts share your ideas share your experiences in the comments section below and let's talk about it as always thank you so much for being a part of my day and a part of my life and hey thanks for letting me be a part of yours it really does mean a lot to me now before i go make sure you take a look at the videos i'm going to leave for you right there and
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right there and while you're here hit the subscribe button right over there so we can stay connected and continue on this healing journey together i'll see you soon

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