A Narcissist's Irrational Anger

A Narcissist's Irrational Anger

SUBTITLE'S INFO:

Language: English

Type: Robot

Number of phrases: 345

Number of words: 2341

Number of symbols: 10929

DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES:

DOWNLOAD AUDIO AND VIDEO:

SUBTITLES:

Subtitles generated by robot
00:00
[Music] now I want you to think about some interactions that you've had with a narcissist that might be in your life and then the question is does that person ever have anger of an irrational nature toward you the answer is yes they can't help themselves one of the things that tends to go hand-in-hand with narcissism is an irrational not just
00:40
anger but an irrational form of anger now some of you may know that through the decades I've conducted many anger workshops and seminars and I've written books on anger and so this is something that I see a whole lot and when I am talking with people about understanding the nature of anger I emphasize that you want to go underneath the surface and recognize some of the inclinations that individuals carry on the inside of themselves that might make them susceptible to the unreasonable forms of
01:11
anger and when we talk about narcissist they have all sorts of underlying ingredients that create this fertile ground for the unnecessary or irrational forms of anger let me go through a checklist here of some of the common themes that we have of narcissism and I want you to see how they fit into anger for example the narcissist is known for having a high need for control in anger the the the irrationally angry individual is wishing to establish
01:42
control check in narcissism narcissists feel like they're special and they're above other individuals there's something unique about them in anger the individual feels that way often because it's like you're not acknowledging my legitimacy and so then the narcissistic individual takes that notion up to the higher notch and the implication is and you'd better check that's one of the ingredients narcissists also have a strong sense of entitlement there are
02:15
things that you owe me there are things that I'm entitled to that you need to give me in other words what are you going to do for me next kind of mentality in anger many times there's this demanding spirit here's what you need to do to make my life go better check in in narcissism there's a high propensity towards manipulation and exploitation they're constantly conniving and trying to figure out how to make other individuals do their bidding in anger the angry individual is
02:46
wanting to force and manipulate others to do their bidding check in narcissism there's a very low regard or concern for other people's feelings and needs and perceptions in anger yes irrationally angry individuals will blow right by everybody else's feelings and interpretations because it's all about their interpretations of the moment in narcissism there's there's a very low
03:17
willingness to receive input in an irrational anger that angry individual is not going to receive input now they don't want to listen they just want to tell check in narcissism there's a and what I considered an alternate reality basically they make up truths for themselves they're not really throughs to match their narrative in anger individuals will just distort truth so that they can get their point across check you can see that so many of the
03:50
underlying ingredients that are identifying features of narcissism will feed into the propensity toward anger and you see one of the things that I emphasize is anger in and of itself is not a wrong thing to feel there are some circumstances in life that will naturally generate feelings of anger and when I say your frustration and annoyance and irritability and sometimes those circumstances require a response
04:20
you know if you and I have a conflict between this and if I care about what happens in our relationship I'll respond to that but healthy individuals will respond with rationality I can say to you hey there's something that's concerning me there's a bother that that I just need to get off my chest here's what it is turnabout's Fair Play you can say the same thing in Reverse and we each can get naik and walk away with our dignity intact that's healthy anger now unfortunately not nearly enough people know how to do that but that's the way guys like me try to draw
04:52
it up when you approach or when you experience anger with this darn statistic vent that rationality is nowhere to be found and it's constantly irrational and and I want you to just kind of get an idea of what's going on in their irrational side and let's just kind of take a look at what all that tells us for example the irrational narcissistic anger is very forceful and it's trying to establish dominance over other individuals the narcissist is
05:23
wanting to let you know with no uncertainty I'm in control I am the smartest I am the meanest I am the one you don't want to mess with now you look at that that's irrational because well controls an illusion when people try to control one another or try to establish themselves as mean and all they're not gaining any kind of healthy influence they're only taking whatever it is they're wishing to communicate and running it straight into the ditch with their legitimacy is completely lost or
05:54
in addition a very common tactic of this irrational narcissistic anger is humiliation you know narcissists in their anger will say very awful things many times about you you know people hate you everybody knows how stupid you are or you're just a loser and they'll go into name-calling and cursing and demeaning your character what's that all about because you know we all have pluses and minuses in our character so if you hang around long
06:25
enough we can find each of the things that are negative but we're a mixed bag and so when when the angry narcissists comes along it's like I don't want to remember anything that's good about you I just want to get my point across by just smashing you and in doing so any kind of active discussion is going to go flying straight out the window now there's another tactic that they use and that is they may threaten to expose private data about you I've had people
06:55
come in here I remember one woman came in and said well this narcissist in her life said well how about if I tell everybody that you know that you have an STD and she was very embarrassed and ashamed of that and it's something that had happened in their life like 2530 years ago but narcissists are willing to do that they're willing to take data about you and use it against you or I'm gonna just talk to your friends or your co-workers about all the times that you've screwed up and all the mistakes you've made and then let you just explain that and then they'll say things
07:26
like that or do people really know what you're like behind the scenes because I'll be more than a few ting explained to the board I've had to put up with regarding you and again whatever anger is there any kind of legitimacy that might be there is completely lost because it now becomes merely a smear campaign another tactic of this irrational nature is narcissus can be known for giving long long lectures I may have somebody that comes to my counseling office they'll say we stayed
07:58
up at my house till three o'clock in the morning arguing about something three o'clock in the morning I was going to sleep and sometimes they just get on a roll and they can't quit and they can't turn that button off and it just goes on and on and on and that it represents a real obsessive compulsive kind of dimension that's there many times the angry narcissists will use physical and intimidation whether it's throwing things or grabbing you or pushing or even hitting and then when something like that comes you know you're in real trouble
08:29
and that's where 911 woman comes in many times the the narcissist will use or will craft what I call a victims narrative look what you're doing to me another illustration I had this person inside a family who had become drunk and was very angry and screaming and in the midst of all of this tripped and fell and hit the side of there for air of the side of their head just right yeah on the on the the tile floor and the next day a bruise came up and so
09:00
then the narrator boys these other people in the room pushed me and then did this to mince pie no they didn't but if that satisfies their need to make the other person look foolish they're willing to do that they'll just make up their tips and say I'm a victim here and if anything bad happens to me it wasn't my fault it was yours no rationale to it whatsoever the narcissists use of anger is is done for the purpose of letting you know I'm invincible you can't get through to me
09:31
my word is the final word if you mess with me you've best with the wrong person now in fact in military parlance we have this term called shock and awe don't when the enemy is has something come against you then you're just going to unload all of your Arsenal's back to them and just make them absolutely sorry that they ever came against you and unfortunately in relationships narcissists like to use shock and awe they want to come on so strong that they
10:02
want to intimidate you into completely giving up any kind of legitimacy that you have towards fair play and towards you know being treated properly and certainly that's just not a right thing at all so how are you going to respond with this now the first thing that I want to strongly emphasize is you don't want to get in and play their game because when you play their game then you're talking to win because it's an irrational game someone in the equation needs to be rational and if they want to
10:34
go to all this insulting and condescension and demeaning and if you do it right back and then that's simply the height of hypocrisy you're doing toward them what you don't want them to do towards you now this doesn't mean that you just lay down and become a namby-pamby doormat there are times when you will need to stand firmly with with strong boundaries it may be that you'll need to expose some of the behavior to work toward other in the Rachel trusted advisors in other words
11:04
you don't need to keep their bad behavior secret many times people say well I don't want to say anything well sometimes you need to say something whether it's to somebody at work you know if it's a business situation you want to talk to HR if it's inside the family or in friendships there are times when you need to talk with trusted advisors and friends or a counselor or someone that just has your best interests at heart so that you can strategize the best ways to manage don't keep secrets and then do respond to that
11:36
irrational anger with rational boundaries rational stipulations and consequences it may be that you'll refuse to to move forward in certain projects with them simply because you're not going to coordinate with somebody who's treating you in such a demeaning way maybe that you'll have to withdraw or it may be that you'll need to put some sort of stipulations or negative consequences in place but make sure that you do have an understanding of what boundaries are and that there's a firmness and a willingness to follow
12:07
through it may be that the the relationship itself will have to come to an end because that individual just is not willing to be rational so the key is to realize that narcissists use of anger tends to lean towards the irrational side and I'm hoping that you can be the rational alternative it will be hard because it's it's so easy to get caught up in the mood of the moment but I want you to ask two things as we wrap up here first when the irrational narcissist has
12:38
their anger what does that tell us about them and then second in your response to that person's anger what will we learn about you and I'm hoping that we can learn about you that there's there's a healthy person inside there who is not going to allow that unhealthy irrational narcissus to hijack your personality I do hope that you find benefit from
13:09
videos such as this if you've not already done so I would encourage you to hit that subscribe button and we'll keep you apprised of more videos we have a new website surviving narcissism dye TV that has good articles in fact go check it out and see if you can pick up on some things there and quizzes that will help you understand things a little bit more naturally score things out if you're in need for online counseling and right now online is kind of where it's at with many people we've vetted a group and there's a link below that there could be
13:40
some people that could help you sift out some of these kinds of issues in a reasonable kind of way we have my online workshops my books or their links below for those kind of things and we even have coffee mugs now as you proceed I'm hoping that you can dedicate yourself to sing I am not gonna get drawn into the world of crazy irrational anger when you stick with me you're going to stick with somebody who stands for decency and sanity and instability that's who I am that's how I
14:12
define myself [Music]

DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES: