What Is Self-Sabotage? - How Stop This Self-Defeating Eternal Looping cycle

What Is Self-Sabotage? - How Stop This Self-Defeating Eternal Looping cycle

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00:00
hi my darling enlightened people this is delaney k daylight out of darkness so what's the deal with self-sabotage why do we do it i mean it really doesn't make sense anyway just go ahead and like this video subscribe to me if you find value in in the work that i put out there and your comments they always appreciate it and they help me to know which direction to go so anything you want to say put it out there and also i offer coaching
00:32
i'm very very versatile i can help whatever issues whether you're stuck whether you have family issues i have a huge amount of experience in dealing with narcissists dysfunctional families um and also on the spiritual journey and also donations are always very much appreciated anyway getting back to the subject of um self sabotage
01:03
here are some of the examples the self-sabotage you you know that they're often very subtle so we might go for a job interview and we really want this job and then we do something during the job interview that just puts the person off that is interviewing us and we just don't know why we do it or we decide to go on this diet and we're all revved up
01:34
and then a little while down the line suddenly um we like drown our sorrows in a in a tub of ice cream [Music] why why does this happen i mean what does it even make sense well in order to know what's really going on you've got to understand what the personality is made up of and again this goes back to some of the hermetic principles which is also
02:05
in the universal laws and um it's that we are all one and yet we're all separate so we're many parts um and talking about the the people but we're all connected so our actual bodies have trillions of microorganisms and yet we're one person so they're all like little bugs and everything in
02:36
our body but we're one person and they help our body to work all our cells in our body are have each cell has a full replica of all the dna for the entire body that it's a separate cell so it's also kind of like a community and yet it it makes up the one body the personality has different paths and these parts have split off
03:08
at certain times to help us in in certain situations and so we're we're kind of like dealing with a whole but different parts as well it's like when you have a group of people and you're trying to you you all need to go in one direction but there's one or two people who are not in agreement the same sort of thing happens with our personality
03:38
and often we're not aware of of these things these parts that are actually opposed to what we we have decided to do in our lives so that that's where the the issue comes in what actually is the case is that we have an authentic self and then we have these parts and these parts are developed at different times um when we might have needed them
04:10
you know like in our family of origin we we would have had to develop certain parts in order to fit in with the family and especially i mean all families have dysfunction in them but the more severe the dysfunction within the family the more parts that you would have developed and something could have happened like
04:45
so even if the parental figures or the caregivers were dysfunctional the child has to in their mind make the parental figure good so if the parental figure or the caregiver is um criticizing the child the child then takes that into the subconscious because they are in theta brainwaves and they also have to get rid of the cognitive dissonance they can't
05:16
believe that they're good and bad at the same time so they will take on often will take on what the parent said about them or even what was implied so if it was implied by if if the child picked up that the parent didn't have much faith in them and they thought that they were a bit of a loser that child then has a part
05:48
within them that believes that they're a loser and that has to follow that prerogative of what that parent said or what the the way in which that parent acted to make that part of their reality and also for the child to still believe in the parent because that's part of the survival mechanism therefore it becomes a reality that the child must be the loser but this will all be stored
06:21
in the subconscious so later on when the child is trying to succe succeed in a career setting um they might be a part that still believes from the you know from the family of origin that the child's never gonna make it um that you know they just drop out of everything and so that part
06:52
will sabotage anything that the now adult child is trying to do as far as their career in order to [Music] make their reality correct to what the parent had actually said so that's some a kind of belief that can be in the subconscious that causes someone to not reach their potential in their career and you know so this this can
07:23
be very difficult and to see where you might be sabotaging yourself is to look at the reality you're living in now and whatever is not working is because you are sabotaging it you have a part within you that is sabotaging it and this part actually thinks it's doing a good job it's it's not like it's um trying to be evil or bad and in fact the only way to heal from
07:56
self-sabotage is through love and understanding and compassion for all parts of oneself and and all ways that that we have failed so what what needs to be done is to first analyze the reality you have and then the part of your life that's not working to realize that there is a part that
08:26
that is that your current reality um that's what they want and then if you go within yourself and ask what what part is is it that believes that i should live in this way and usually it will come up if you ask and you can even ask it when it was born and why it believes those certain things
08:58
i mean sometimes they don't want to talk um or there might be another part that's stopping them but you can always ask those questions and then the thing is to listen to that part maybe just write it down all the things that come into your mind try and try and become one with that part and and they might say well you know um your dad said that you weren't going to achieve anything in your job and
09:30
and he didn't have much hope for you and you know he was very smart so i mean and he's your dad so you should believe him because that part is still at the age it was formed in you so if it was like seven or if you were seven or eight years old that is the age of their part so it's going ahead to um make that your reality and in some ways it doesn't want you to go any further because it doesn't want you to get hurt
10:01
because it thinks that that is the reality so the first thing that you need to do in in such a situation is first to listen and and listen in an empathetic way as if you were a good parent listening to your child and then see how what that part is saying is different to what you are trying to achieve
10:33
um in in going further in your job or and listen to it it might be it usually is your authentic self that is wanting to progress in your job it could also be a part it could be a part that is pushing you to do that job and you might even find that the other part doesn't believe that that's really you uh maybe the
11:06
the part that wants you to go further in that particular job is because your parents said that would be a good line for you so you have to look at all sides you know is this something that i really want to do or am i doing this because in order to get the love of my parent or or the adoration of a particular person and um sorry about my cell phone as well i'm turning it off now
11:39
um you know you have to analyze that and then it's to um negotiate between the parts so can you see how it's like we are one but we are lots of we're we're like a community even in our um even in our personality because we're all different parts and the more i i'm sure you've noticed when
12:11
you have a group of people and you try and force somebody to change their mind i i mean that is the worst thing you can ever do because then they just become stubborn and they put their foot down and they're going to sabotage anything that you try to do so the best thing to do is to try and see it from their side and have empathy and thank them for what they're doing and then there's you can you can say but i am the authentic self if it is actually
12:43
the authentic self who you really are that wants to go ahead with the job and um i know i know how to keep us safe now and then you know the next thing to do would be to um say to that part what what can we do that would make you feel safe in going forward another example of some way you could
13:13
sabotage yourself is say in your family of origin your brother or your sister only achieved a certain amount and they felt left out or um they said to you at some stage it's not fair that you always do so well and we get left behind and and so it goes into your subconscious
13:45
that if you do really well at your work that um you're gonna be leaving behind that family member you know that's that's the kind of thing that can happen so there's a part of you inside that saying hey but you can't you can't leave jane behind you know and because you've got to stay this at the same level as her so that you can have a close relationship with her but that's viewing it from a child's mind so
14:18
that might be you know you would have to go back and and say it's okay you know i release this need to um stay at the same level as my sister i'm going to give her a lot of love and care and and then you ask that part what what would you need to happen in order to feel okay with moving forward and to reassure the part you know if it says well i'm worried i'm afraid that
14:50
you might take on more than you can and i'm afraid that we might lose you might lose the relationship with your sister um so it's first to to then say you know myself as the authentic self really does know what's best now because i'm an adult and i'm whatever age i am but i appreciate you helping me and um you know is this something else that you would like to help me with
15:21
um going forward or um is there something that can help you to feel better and then it's it's about feeling it out and if you still feel if that part is still feeling nervous which will be a part of you you'll feel it so you have to work on it until that part actually feels comfortable with the move forward that you want to make and so that is the way that you get around self-sabotage
15:52
so self-sabotage is actually because our personality is a community it's not a single thing and if you don't have all the parts in that community on on board um then it's going to be one of them that's going to sabotage it at some point the other thing that can happen is that you can have a manager part um and manager parts are usually those
16:23
that um we because we internalize the early caregivers so the manager part especially if you had a very strict parent would be telling you not to do something and and the very critical parts or those parts that push us really hard and they would have been pushing you hard to tell you what to do before the parent was able to shout at you um sometimes those parts push you so hard
16:54
like in a diet like if you make the diet too straight where your mind and and the whole of you has been put under too much pressure they're going to be other parts that are have been developed in order to make sure that you're not treated too badly and those parts are going to say you know what this is too much now and we're going to you know we're
17:26
going to have a party now we're going to go and buy a tub of ice cream and eat the whole thing or or we're you know if you're trying to um give up alcohol and we're going to go out and have a binge party and drink as much as we like so that can be the case as well and so if you can get to the root of what's causing it and realize that you you're actually dealing with different
17:56
individuals within your own mind that's the way to get through self-sabotage so if this was um helpful to you again please subscribe and i'd love to hear your comments if you can add anything to this it would be really fascinating to see and enjoy the rest of your week or would it be weekend bye

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