God Hand Review | Beat Thugs™ | Demons™ | Women™

God Hand Review | Beat Thugs™ | Demons™ | Women™

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Language: English

Type: Robot

Number of phrases: 341

Number of words: 1980

Number of symbols: 9128

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00:00
hey hey people seth here today i'll be covering a game that was overshadowed during its release bombarded by critics and loved by absolutely everyone who isn't complete garbage at video games a game which grinds through your analog sticks like butter encourages healthy eating respecting women and emphasizes the virtues of a good samaritan principle i'm speaking of course about god hand a game i was too impoverished to play as a child since we couldn't afford a playstation
00:30
but now my pc is powerful enough to be a playstation through the magic of emulation godhand can be played very comfortably on your own computer and it works great the simple gist of the game is the following you play as jean a guy with a fancy jacket and an insatiable appetite for fresh fruit you're also disabled because your right arm has just been cut off by demons but you've got a new arm now instead the god hand thanks to olivia a girl who threatens to chop it back off if you don't do what she says and now it's time
01:02
to beat the [ __ ] out of all the thugs and demons responsible for disarming you but you'll need to master the god hand to stand a fighting chance because this game doesn't play around it's hard it's very hard and it only gets even harder in this universe the vast majority of punks metal heads and women want nothing more than to beat the [ __ ] out of you instead the fighting system is easy to learn but insanely difficult to master for a start gene operates on tank controls which might seem bizarre but
01:32
makes perfect sense once you understand the purpose of it the left stick turns and moves you around the right stick is designed exclusively for dodging the other buttons let you use your techniques pretty simple right wrong each of your buttons can be instantly remapped to do different moves and techniques there's a lot of techniques there's 117 of them you can pick up during the story or buy from your local convenience store if you choose poorly you won't even be able to dispatch normal enemies let alone bosses but
02:03
that's not all there's a bar at the bottom of your screen that's your tension meter the more hits you land the more damage you do the more damage you do the quicker the tension meter gets filled up once it fills up your right arm starts glowing and if you smack the right button on your controller you unleash your god hand the powers of a god are temporary but in this short span of time gene is completely invincible lightning fast and hits twice as hard while your theme song plays in the background it's amazing but that's not
02:33
all picking up cards during your fights fills up your roulette wheel which triggers whenever you smack the right trigger instead in this state everything goes slow-mo and you get to choose from a selection of every roulette move you have equipped this can be anything from a ball buster head slicer 100 punch combo or even a dragon kick that sends your enemies flying out of a solar system as a word of caution though ball buster doesn't work on women robots or one of the first two bosses because he lost his testicles in the war the
03:04
lore of godhand is very deep but the fighting system goes even deeper most games increase the health of your enemies to give you the illusion of difficulty god hand does no such thing the better you do the more hits you land and the more hits you dodge the higher your level becomes what does this mean it means enemies start kicking your ass as level increases so do their abilities they start using moves you've never seen before they start changing their patterns to throw you off and they start getting
03:34
more and more aggressive as they try and put you in the ground there's 4 levels which are quite self-explanatory level 1 level 2 level 3 and level die if you get to level die you are expected to die if you don't want to die i suggest you get on your hands and knees and start groveling for mercy god hand doesn't play around but if you take the time and improve you'll learn how to take the heat and when you do i assure you you'll feel like an actual god there's an overpowering sensation of ecstasy once
04:06
you've figured it out after getting creamed repeatedly by the same boss by the same encounter it all suddenly clicks and once it clicks you can't go back you ride on pure adrenaline and muscle memory to repeat the same fight and this time you're not surviving you're styling on your enemies before you know it it's already over you've won and you're only left hungry for more godhand was very progressive for its time and it features a very diverse and multicultural cast the first boss you go up against is
04:38
literally two gay guys who proposition gene gene responds by saying i'm not that kind of guy but as the story progresses and olivia keeps slave driving gene into doing more and more ridiculous stunts at the cost of his health and personal safety gene looks back and considers that maybe i am that kind of guy character development isn't exclusive to gene alone the second boss you face elvis is a mexican demon struggling with weight loss he's got some of the best dialogue in the entire game
05:10
[Music] you know what i'm getting a bit hungry and a little huevon sounds like it would hit the spy i don't think you realize what you're getting yourself into pendelo besides educating gene on the basics of a spanish language elvis turns out to be a big softie who's as much of a victim to his circumstances as his gene to his unwanted responsibility he hates people who disrespect the dead and he also hates people who disrespect his demon waifu
05:48
shannon who you repeatedly encounter and spank to death by the end of a game jean has arguably found more humanity and common ground with the antagonists he faces than the repeatedly ungrateful woman he's working for godhead is extremely quotable thank you and extremely memorable yeah in no small part because all of the enemies keep quoting mike tyson the game is an absolute meme but originally was never
06:49
designed as such the developers just put some humor in the trailer for the 2008 e3 conference but received such positive feedback that they went back and remade the game into the masterpiece it is now it was unfortunately the last game ever made by clover studios however most of a team went on to work with platinum games which was responsible for most of the crazy fighting games that came out in recent years it's got insane amounts of replayability and it's something i always come back to after every few years it's just that
07:22
good it's also very easy to miss some of the subtleties on your first run for example chihuahua racing in the main menu you can always pop into the store casino and fighting arena to practice your moves but after a certain point in the story you can also start gambling on you guested poison chihuahuas this is a very easy way to quickly lose all your money or make back 20 times your original bet if you know what you're doing my only advice always bet on clover you'll thank me later also
07:51
enemies have special interactions if you satisfy certain conditions if you manage to get one of the average run-of-the-mill thugs down to no health at all he'll start faking a seizure and begging for help if you foolishly get too close he'll kick jean in the ball sack reducing your health to a single point instantly i also found out if you get a demon down to a single pip of health you can poke them they'll explode there's probably more but even as someone who's played and beat the game repeatedly i can't call myself an expert even after
08:24
all this time level die turns me into a crying sobbing little [ __ ] and there's no shame in admitting that some of the original reviewers of this game however cannot and for that reason imagine babies still holds a higher score on ign than godhand a game that turned many boys into men and turned many men into crying sobbing little children for that reason alone i give it a very good score but when i consider that it's a god damn masterpiece i give it a perfect score to reiterate the words of one presenter
08:54
one epitaph for clover studio we made one of the best games of all time and it was just a game about punching people god hand it's amazing it's addictive and it's very satisfying respect the game and it will respect you back highly recommend it go play it in lieu of the fact that you can't actually get a copy of god hand anymore i've linked it in the description below which contains the game the emulator and everything you need to get started but seth don't you need a working ps2 bias to emulate godhand
09:26
which i hope you've legally obtained from your own playstation 2. these are all good questions and they will be answered shortly but more importantly what seth been spending all of his sponsorship money on i'll tell you i hired every hentai artist to make lewd commissions of olivia getting [ __ ] because there's too little god hand hentai all this shilling was for a good cause i've linked every commission i made in the description below i hope you understand the ends justify
09:57
the means but even more importantly if you're unfortunate enough to be living in the sharia state of britain the uk porn bloc is going to start july this same year all in a name of protecting our children which if statistics are anything to go by need protection from their family instead and based on how well government projects usually go there's absolutely nothing to worry about just present your personal id card punch in your personal details and stop worrying porn sites have some
10:28
of the best security on the planet better than habbo hotel probably so it's very unlikely that your favorite smut site will get hacked or compromised and leak all of your personal information that could then be used to blackmail you in the future however if you're still unconvinced and don't want to put your safety in the hands of your infallible government there is an alternative an express alternative expressvpn because they're very good use my link and you get free months of
10:59
expressvpn for free and if you're not satisfied you can refund the whole thing in 30 days with expressvpn you can choose from any server that's not located in the shadow aisles of the uk and completely evade this well well-thought-out and completely unexploitable law they're pushing down our throats personally i don't know if a uk lawmaker even knows what a doujin hentai or buru site even is arguably there's more porn to be found on skyrim nexus than all of those sites combined but we'll
11:30
never know until they actually do it as always hope for the best prepare for the worst and as always more content to come so stay tuned i'd like to inform you all that shilling is complete which means we're back in business see anything you want rotten hell you penny pinching miser

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