How To STOP Getting Taken Advantage Of

How To STOP Getting Taken Advantage Of

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Language: English

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00:00
hey thrivers today i'm talking about how to stop letting other people take advantage of you okay this is something that i hear about a lot in my face-to-face coaching and i'm hoping to give you some tools so that whether or not somebody takes advantage of you becomes something that's in your control instead of feeling like it's something that you have no control over okay so for those that don't know me my name is michelle i'm a life and relationship coach and i'm the founder of the thriver school of transformation
00:30
which is an interactive monthly membership where we meet live weekly and we learn how to put everything i talk about on my channel into practice in our daily life so if that's something that can benefit you make sure you check out the link in the description box below okay so people taking advantage all right i i hear this so often so often that you know people that wind up in toxic relationships with narcissists or one-sided relationships with friends or even family members
01:02
there are a few things that they have in common so as i'm going over these things kind of self-evaluate and see if any of them resonate with you what i found is that most people that wind up getting taken advantage of they feel responsible for other people's feelings in other words sometimes they want to say no to something but they're afraid that person's going to get upset or mad or sometimes they want to ask for help but they're afraid the other person's going to get mad so again
01:33
they're so afraid of what the other person how the other person is going to feel or respond that they refrain from the healthy behaviors that teach people that we expect reciprocal relationships they put their value in the hands of other people in other words they may have a lack of self-worth right they may have a very low self-esteem but they tend to feel worthy if somebody else
02:04
validates them or you know points out their worth so they're dependent on how others view them in order to feel good about themselves it's almost like they're regulating themselves dependent on other another person's viewpoint interesting way to think about it and again this comes from being in in relationships it could be parents it could be long-term romantic relationships where somebody didn't allow you to see yourself as you really are and constantly made you feel like
02:35
unless they agree with you then you weren't allowed to see yourself that way so you lose the ability to see your own value unless it's coming from external measures unfortunately toxic people can pick up on that and anytime they want you to do more than is good for you they'll just poke at that wound and make you feel like oh it's because you're not this enough and once that that enough wound makes somebody almost like a robot just get up and do
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whatever they want the other person wants so that they don't feel the pain of that wound okay so toxic people can spot your wound like a shark does blood right they can spot it from miles away and unfortunately they'll exploit it something else that i notice is that they feel very uncomfortable in the discomfort of others so let's say they want to um do something that's important to them right
03:36
and this time it's it's their decision if they're going to choose the movie i'm going to use something simple right but the other person kind of acts unhappy maybe they don't say anything they might even say yep so that's the movie you picked huh hmm i wouldn't have picked that movie but you know you picked it so i guess that's what we're going to watch and they just show a little bit of dislike a little bit of discomfort and if you haven't learned to be comfortable
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in the discomfort of others then that will often cause a person to to let go of what they want forget about their wants and needs and put the other person's wants and needs first which again is going to make them feel taken advantage of something else they do is they put themselves last on their own list of priorities so i see this a lot with parents right they'll put their kids first second third fourth all the way up until ninth place and they're at the bottom and a lot of parents that
04:37
do this their children grow up and they'll say things that include in my face-to-face coaching they'll say things like why don't they appreciate me look at everything i've done for them why do they take such advantage of me like i give so much they give nothing back and this is a hard one this is a hard one because i know as a parent you want to give your child everything you never had especially if you came from a home where you weren't treated well it's almost like we go overboard to give
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to our kids but we have to be careful because if you're giving giving giving and you're not teaching your child that your time matters that your needs matter that your preferences matter as well then they will view you as if your time doesn't matter your needs don't matter and your preferences don't matter if they don't matter to you without realizing it you're teaching your kids to view you that way
05:40
but then that goes into the challenge of boundaries and when we put down boundaries that touches on a wound when somebody gets upset with you if your children get upset because you're putting down a healthy boundary that might touch on the wound i'm a bad mom or i'm a bad dad because my kid is mad at me and some people may look at that and be like that's silly michelle but i'm sorry i felt that way at one time when i didn't really understand
06:10
how important boundaries were i had to teach myself that boundaries were good and i had to teach myself that it was okay if my child was upset because i put down a boundary that did not reflect on me being a bad parent if anything i'm being a good parent because i'm caring enough to put down a healthy boundary to teach them how to be the best their best selves okay so if any of those scenarios resonate with you and you're tired of people taking
06:41
advantage of you then the first thing you have to start doing is you have to stop taking advantage of yourself you have to learn characteristics and qualities that help you to be assertive that help you to have healthy boundaries that help you to speak your truth that help you to be authentic even if other people act like they don't like it or they're upset about it
07:12
and it takes a little bit of time to do those things but it is so worth it the more autonomous you become the more you take care of you and you make sure that nobody takes advantage of you because when we think about oh everyone takes advantage of me it makes us sound helpless like we have no choice but we do if we develop these qualities then we are responsible we take some responsibility to make sure
07:43
that people treat us right and i will warn you when you start to have healthier behaviors you're going to find out that some of the friendships that you have might fall apart you might find a romantic relationship falls apart the person doesn't like it in my coaching i'll get people that say but michelle if i have that boundary if i have a healthy boundary he or she won't like it and i have to ask them well do you like it do you think that that's
08:14
reasonable in a relationship and they're always like yeah that's reasonable but the person doesn't like it so we really have to learn that it's okay for people to be upset it's okay for people to be um disappointed and we're and it's still okay for us to hold on to what is important to us as well if you strengthen those characteristics then you will have healthier relationships and if you need help i always end my video saying this if you need more help than the videos make sure you check out the thriver
08:45
school of transformation the link is in the description below it's an awesome place with an amazing international group of people we meet live weekly on zoom and we learn how to put all of these things into practice in our daily lives

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