8 Life Lessons Completely Lost On Narcissists

8 Life Lessons Completely Lost On Narcissists

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00:00
if you have ongoing exposure to controlling people it's a virtual certainty that you're going to experience blurry boundaries which is why i have created the extensive online course called this is me establishing boundaries with the controllers in your life there's a link below that will give you all of the details and i hope that you would find it in therapeutic [Music]
00:36
as we go into an understanding of the narcissistic bent toward life i hope that we're going to be doing something more than just saying hear stuff about those people that i don't like and they're just a bunch of idiots in other words i don't want us to just be critics and judges towards people that create some difficulty i'm hoping that we can look at that pattern of narcissism with one very large question that's looming and that is as i get to know what that pattern is all about what's my better alternative
01:06
how can i take my experiences and then learn so that i can be somebody who's contributing positives rather than negatives to the world that's in front of me now through the years i've gone through all sorts of writings and sayings from other individuals and i pick up on quotes that people have given out and these are people of prominence and and it's it's really interesting to see through the years centuries and even millenniums uh how individuals have come up with some ideas that narcissists cannot come to terms with to save their
01:38
lives but it's so interesting that some of these prominent people i'm going to quote from here speak about some things that are the direct opposite of narcissism i have eight quotes that i'm going to want to go through here with you and i just want you to see how prominent individuals have spoken very clearly about what the better alternative is to narcissism and as i read through these i want you to ask first of all what does this tell me about me and where i am and then how does this inform me as i try to understand that narcissist that's there in my life
02:09
now the first quote i'm going to give you is from well the genius himself albert einstein albert einstein says only a life lived for others is a life worth living now i want you to compare that to the narcissist uh their thinking is well a life lived for me is the one is the only life worth living they're not altruistic at all there there's not a sense that says if you're in my presence i want to make sure that
02:40
i give a positive contribution to you their thinking is well the positive contribution that i give to you is you get to know me and i'll tell you what to do and i'll tell you how to live and i'll get into your brain and try to take over who you are they don't get it a healthy way of life says of course i'm going to have my own self-preservation but i want to do so in connection with other individuals in other words i want to be a giver not a taker so dr einstein thank you very much
03:11
let's let's come up with a somebody from a very different uh place how about the virtuoso guitarist jimmy hendrix from back in the 1960s jimi hendrix said when the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace love over power now when you think about a narcissist where are they coming from as they engage with you well theirs is that uh that power over
03:43
love narcissists have convinced themselves that the best way to be a a truly successful individual is to overwhelm people uh in their mind uh i want to be the one that's in control i want to be the one that's calling shots and my knowledge my preferences my interpretations is what everybody needs and in doing so they skip over the most essential thing of all and that is we're here to love each other
04:13
and that power grab that they have that craving for superiority cancels out any kind of uh mindset that says i i'm here to love and when you leave my presence i want you to know that you have been loved narcissists don't think that way how about another quote this is from nelson mandela any man or institution that tries to rob me of my dignity will lose now of course you know the story of
04:44
nelson mandela and spent so many years in in prison before he was released and he uh went on to take the helmet in south africa but he was deprived of his freedom and i'm amazed at how he was able to get away from the oppressive regime that did him in in such a way where he kept his own dignity intact uh if if a person or if an institution tries to rob me of my dignity they're not going to do that one of the things that narcissists do and
05:15
narcissistic systems will do is they they like to impose their will upon you by taking your dignity away from you think about some of the the very controlling and overbearing people that you've had in your life they don't treat you in such way that says i like who you are and let's build up your sense of worth and your sense of value they destroy your sense of worth and value the healthy alternative is i'm gonna be a person of dignity because my dignity
05:46
is inherent you can't take that away from me don't you wish that narcissists could appreciate that but they don't okay this next one is by one of my favorite authors uh a guy named anonymous anonymous says when things change inside you things can change around you understand that uh the more you work on your interior and you decide i need to be a good
06:18
person i need to be somebody that has introspection i don't need to be around i go around blaming everybody else and making everybody else take responsibility i'm going to take responsibility for myself the more you go into that space then other things begin to fall into place much better when things from the inside out change then your outside world tends to be a better place for you to maneuver through how does that compare to the narcissist the narcissist has come entirely focused
06:48
on changing the people outside of them you people out there you need to change because you see i don't have anything on the inside of me i don't know how to access me and my sense of insight and introspection it's all about forcing you to be the kind of person i need you to be so that i can feel okay about my life they're very much an outside in kind of thinker whereas anonymous says let's be inside out thinkers that's a that's a definite distinction
07:19
okay let's go to another one uh and this is uh the longest quote that i have here but it's from uh mr aristotle himself and this is one that i've used for years in my anger workshops aristotle says anybody can become angry that's easy but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree at the right time for the right purpose and in the right way that's not within everyone's power and it's not easy aristotle millenniums ago realized that
07:53
uh unhealthy people have untamed anger and that's exactly what we're talking about when we deal with the narcissist they they have anger and there's actually a healthy way to do it but uh when when a narcissist has their anger it's a very dysregulated and dysregulating emotion they they go to their place of contempt or rage or agitation there's nothing constructive about it uh according to aristotle and i happen to agree with him we can do better we can manage our anger
08:26
in a way that's clean and right we want to speak up and stand in our worth and convictions in such a way that people can walk away with their own self-respect intact narcissists don't understand that one how about another one it's from abraham lincoln i don't like that man i need to get to know him better that's that's a quote that i've used for a long time we see other individuals out there who are other
08:56
and narcissists will immediately say well let me explain to you why they're inferior to me and why i just don't need them in my presence a guy like abraham lincoln uses empathy it's like you know there are people out there that don't think the same as me in fact it may be distasteful what's their backstory and what is it about that person that i could know about so that i can relate with them in a much cleaner way i want to do that you're not going to catch narcissists thinking like that at all how about another one this is from maya
09:27
angelou i've learned that people will forget what you said people will forget what you did but people will never forget about how you made them feel i love that one because what she's getting at is the essence of who you are is what sticks with other individuals narcissists are so focused on being correct and telling people what to do and getting things right according to their agenda when in fact their essence can be harsh or uncaring or dismissive
10:00
when you have in essence it says i truly want to be decent and kind and loving that's what people remember that much more so than all those pontifications that narcissists might make or all those lectures about what should be and what shouldn't be your essence your goodness your decency that's what is most important to the way that you engage with people and then uh how about the last one this is alexander solzhenitsyn and i've used this quote many times over
10:30
he now he he was uh in the uh the russian uh gulag system their their prison system and uh and uh he was had been arrested for disagreeing with the stalin regime uh soldier needs and says live with a steady superiority over life do not pursue what is elusive material gain or position instead purify your heart now what solzhenitsyn was saying is
11:01
let's be transcendent rather than just getting caught up in the mundane things that make you feel good for right now recognize there's something bigger going on here than just what your needs of the moment might require narcissist it's all about me me me now now now do what i tell you to do and they don't look upward uh they don't look for things that that bring true meaning or uh or uh uh goodness to their way of life it's just we just do what i want
11:32
and i'm not plugging into any kind of transcendent thought it's just about me in the moment so i go back to my initial words as we understand narcissism i'm hoping it can cause you to realize these are troubled souls they don't know how to do life well but we have many teachers like this and actually there are more that i just didn't get into right now who will say no we can do better and i hope that you're going to join me on team healthy as we say these kinds of teachings are what i'm going to be plugged into i want to live with a sense it says that
12:05
because i know what narcissism can do and how it can bring destruction count me in as one who's going to do things in a way that says i want to make this world a better place join me on that one if you will i do hope that videos such as this give you some good food for thought if you've not already done so i would encourage you to hit that subscribe button and uh there's a notification bell that will allow you to have more videos to come your way so that you can understand this uh this subject more fully this has been a little bit of a different tactic i've
12:35
taken today if you have a need to i would encourage you to seek counseling we have a link below to a a whole group of counselors with one of our sponsors that can assist you online and that's a very popular medium right now there's a team of licensed professional counselors with experience and so if you would have the need to have somebody and unpack these things with you i would strongly encourage you to do that we have my courses uh free to be which is about discovering yourself despite the controllers this is me uh it's another
13:06
one about the setting boundaries with your controllers and these are not just one-off webinars although we have those two but these are extensive an extensive number of videos with teaching materials and questions that are meant for a very therapeutic purpose and then we also have other ways of getting in touch with us through our medium and and all throughout with our books etc i i like knowing what these accomplished people say and and the lessons they've learned let's take the lessons that they bring to us and say
13:38
i'm going to be committed to that healthy alternative and when you see me you see someone that stands for drc dignity respect and civility let's be that kind of a people [Music]

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