陳鴻儒 區督 - 破除親密關係的殺手|20210523

陳鴻儒 區督 - 破除親密關係的殺手|20210523

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00:07
This is the fourth sermon of the series Live in Harmony with Our Family 我们今天是来到 This is the fourth sermon of the series Live in Harmony with Our Family 别跟家人过不去的第四讲 Getting Rid of What Kills Intimacy 破除亲密关系的杀手 There is a story 有一个故事是这样说 A young man was looking for books in a bookstore 它说有一个年轻人那么到书局去 A young man was looking for books in a bookstore 他要找书 He was covered in sweat from looking through books and shelves 当他翻箱倒柜找得满头大汗的时候 The shopkeeper came over and asked him 老板就走过来问他说 "Young man, what are you looking for? " 年轻人 你要找什么书呢 This young man said 这个时候这个年轻人就跟他说 "I'm looking for a book " 我要找一本书 "It is called Happy Marriage " 这一本书叫做幸福婚姻 The shopkeeper heard the title "Happy Marriage " and said 老板一说 幸福婚姻 "That is in romance novels. Over there " 这属于爱情小说类 在那边 This young man was shocked and said, "I 'm also looking for another one " 年轻人很错愕就 那我找第二本 "The second book is called Loving Couples " 第二本叫做恩爱夫妻 The shopkeeper heard the title "Loving Couples " and said 老板一听恩爱夫妻 "That is in science fiction. On the other side " 这属于科幻小说类 在另外一边 The young man was disappointed and said 年轻人很失望说 "Ok, I'm looking for a third one " 好 那我要找第三本 The third book I'm looking for is called "How Couples Get Along " 第三本我要找的书是夫妻相处之道 The shopkeeper looked him squarely in the eye 老板这时候就很坚定眼神看着他
01:08
"I know this one " 这个我就知道 "This in the martial arts novels section. That side " 这个属于武侠小说类 在那一边 I think this joke more or less reflects modern people 's views on marriage 我想这是一个笑话 I think this joke more or less reflects modern people 's views on marriage 但是它或多或少 I think this joke more or less reflects modern people 's views on marriage 也反应出现代人对婚姻的看法 God established marriage 上帝设立婚姻 Why did He establish marriage? 为什么要设立婚姻 In fact, God established marriage to bless us 其实上帝设立婚姻 In fact, God established marriage to bless us 是为了要祝福我们 We can grow, transform and be healed in marriage 让我们在婚姻当中可以成长 We can grow, transform and be healed in marriage 可以转化 然后可以得着医治 But why do most people never experience such a blessing? 但是为什么多数的人 But why do most people never experience such a blessing? 都没有经历到这样的祝福呢 I remember Dr. Bekker shared something 我记得贝克博士 I remember Dr. Bekker shared something 他曾经举过一个例子 He often witnesses wedding ceremonies of young couples 他说他常常为很多的年轻人证婚 As he witnesses their weddings from the pulpit 当他在讲台上为他们证婚的时候 He asks them a question 都问他们一个问题 "Are you willing to marry her? " 就是你愿意娶她为妻吗 "Are you willing to marry him? " 妳愿意嫁给他吗 He said that without exception 他说没有例外 All the brides and grooms replied "I do " in a very firm tone 所有的新郎新娘 All the brides and grooms replied "I do " in a very firm tone 都用非常坚定的口吻 All the brides and grooms replied "I do " in a very firm tone 铿锵有力的回答说 愿意 Dr. Bekker said 贝克博士说 When he hears their answer 当他听到这样答案的时候 He secretly says a prayer 他的心中就暗自做了一个祷告
02:10
Do you know what that prayer is? 什么祷告大家知道吗 He says, "Lord, forgive them " 他说 主 祢赦免他们 "They know not what they do " 因为他们所做的他们不知道 From this, we can see that marriage is not easy 那可见得在婚姻当中确实不容易 There are indeed many challenges 确实有许多的挑战 Recently, in the news 最近的一则新闻里面说 Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, is getting a divorce 微软的创办人比尔盖兹离婚了 In other words, a very successful entrepreneur 也就是说一个企业经营的 In other words, a very successful entrepreneur 非常成功的一个企业家 He still has many difficulties in his marriage 他在婚姻当中仍然有许多的困难 There are many things that are not easy 有许多的不容易 So If we encounter some difficulties, setbacks and challenges in marriage 所以我们在婚姻当中 So If we encounter some difficulties, setbacks and challenges in marriage 如果说碰到一些困难挫折跟挑战 These are inevitable 其实是在所难免的 But the question that we need to ask is 但是问题就是说我们要问的是 In fact, almost every one of us has been in love 其实我们每一个人几乎都恩爱过 How did our relationship become like it is now? 那为什么现在会变成这个样子呢 A marriage that is dull and boring 会变成好像我们的婚姻 A marriage that is dull and boring 变成平淡无奇 变得索然无味 There is no emotion, no romance 变得没有感动没有浪漫 No surprises, no sweetness 没有惊奇 没有甜蜜 Why? 为什么呢 I think this is related to the four intimacy killers 我想这个跟婚姻当中的四大杀手
03:11
I think this is related to the four intimacy killers 就有非常大的关系 First 所以首先 Let 's introduce these four intimacy killers 我们要来介绍这四个杀手 The first is "criticism and contempt " 第一个杀手出场的是批评轻蔑 Ok, let's read this Scripture from Ephesians 好不好我们先来读 Ok, let's read this Scripture from Ephesians 以弗所的这段经文 一起来 Ok, this Scripture says 好 这段经文里面说 "Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband " 丈夫要爱妻子 妻子要敬重丈夫 This is God 's factory setting 这是上帝的原厂设定 What a beautiful image 多么美的一个画面 That means a husband loves his wife and a wife respects her husband 就是丈夫爱妻子 妻子敬重丈夫 So we can come to a conclusion 所以我们可以得到一个结论就是 Men need respect, women need love 男人需要敬重 女人需要爱 Ok, say this to yourself 好 自己跟自己说一次 Yes, but when the first killer appears 是 但是当第一个杀手出现的时候 When criticism and contempt appear 就是批评轻蔑出现的时候 Men are not respected 男人就得不到敬重 Women cannot feel love 女人就感受不到爱 Ok, so what is criticism? 好 那么什么是批评
04:12
Criticism is a personal attack on someone 's character 批评是一种人身攻击 Criticism is a personal attack on someone 's character 就是攻击对方的品格人品 So what is contempt? 那么什么是轻蔑 Contempt is looking down on someone 轻蔑就是用一种 Contempt is looking down on someone 看不起的言语或神情 Deliberately attacking them where they are most vulnerable 故意伤害对方最脆弱的地方 Ok, let me give you an actual example 好 举个实际的例子 A wife is washing the dishes 太太正在洗碗的时候 Her husband is looking at his phone in the living room 先生在客厅看手机 Then the wife says 这时候太太就讲话了 "You are really selfish, you never care how I feel " 你真的很自私都不管我的感受 "You never help me " 都不帮我忙 Ok, this is called criticism OK 这个叫做批评 She criticized him for being selfish 因为她批评他自私 But if she keeps going, it will become different 但是如果再往下讲就不一样啰 She continues by saying 她就继续说 "Look, you are so selfish " 你看 你就这么自私 "You are not proactive " 这么不积极主动 "No wonder you have never been promoted from a clerk " 难怪你到现在还是个小职员 "No wonder you have never been promoted from a clerk " 无法升迁 "Your whole family is the same " 你们全家都一样 This is serious contempt 这是严重的轻蔑 This is the first killer 这是第一个杀手 It is very lethal to intimacy 对亲密关系极具杀伤力 The second intimacy killer is provocation 第二个杀手是战火高升 You have a serious argument 这个时候是吵得非常的厉害 The atmosphere is very tense 烟硝味非常的重 It 's a long verbal fight and neither side gives in 就是唇枪舌剑 你来我往互不相让
05:13
This argument 这时候吵架 What is the most important purpose of an argument? 吵架最重要的目的是什么 What is the only purpose? 只有一个叫什么 To win. Just to win? 赢 就是要赢 So I will do my best to use the most vicious 所以会竭尽所能的把所有最恶毒的 The sharpest words 最犀利的言语 To use all my firepower 都倾巢而出 火力全開 If the only purpose is to 就一个目的就是要 Defeat the opponent and win 击败对方赢得胜利 This is the second killer. This is very serious 这是第二个杀手 这很严重 The third killer is negative interpretations 好第三个杀手是 负面诠释 Everything you see is interpreted negatively 就是什么看到的 Everything you see is interpreted negatively 什么解读都解读成负面的 For example 举个例子 A husband comes home and sees his wife busy in the kitchen 先生回家看到太太正在厨房里面忙 He asks, "What time is dinner? " 先生说 我们几点吃饭 "What do you mean? " the wife says 太太这时候说 你什么意思 "I am not being lazy " 我又没有偷懒 "Did you not see that I just finished the laundry and sweeping the floor? " 你有看到我刚洗完衣服扫完地 "I am busy cooking " 现在还在忙着做饭 "You are the irresponsible one " 你才不负责任 "Coming home so late " 这么晚才回家 "Looking at the phone after you get home " 回家以后又在那看手机 The husband only asked, "What time is dinner? " 先生只是问了说 几点吃饭 And she interpreted it negatively 结果她完全负面解读 Ok, the fourth killer is withdrawal and rejection 好 第四个杀手就是退缩筑墙 By this time, it is already very serious 到这个时候已经非常的严重了
06:13
It is a cold war 就是说一般的冷战 This battle can be a week, a month or even years 这一战可以战一个礼拜甚至一个月 This battle can be a week, a month or even years 甚至经年累月 When it comes to this stage 这个时候来到这个阶段就是 They don 't explain or argue anymore 已经不解释了 也不辩白 No effort is made in this relationship 也不为双方的关系 No effort is made in this relationship 做出任何的努力了 It can be said they are strangers living under the same roof 可以说同在个屋檐下但却行同陌路 These bedfellows have different dreams 却是同床异梦 Ok, these are the four intimacy killers 好 这个就是亲密关系的四个杀手 There are four killers of a happy marriage 其实幸福的婚姻里面 There are four killers of a happy marriage 也是有四个杀手 When they appear 只不过它们一出现的时候 Deal with them immediately and get rid of them 他们就立即处理把它赶出家门 These four killers are like a car 's warning lights 这四个杀手 These four killers are like a car 's warning lights 其实就像车子的警示灯一样 Can we still drive a car when a warning light is on? 警示灯亮的时候 车子能不能开 Can we still drive a car when a warning light is on? 就不能开 Yes 可以 You can still drive that car 还是可以开 Just what? 只是要怎样 It needs maintenance 要回去保养了 The warning light to remind you 警示灯亮就在提醒你说 The car needs maintenance 车子该保养了 A car needs regular maintenance 车子要定期保养 Actually marriage needs regular maintenance 其实婚姻更需要定期保养
07:15
Marriage not only requires regular maintenance 婚姻不仅要定期保养 We need to manage our marriage 婚姻更要刻意经营 I have seen many people prepare for their wedding 我看过许多人在预备婚礼 Do you know 你知道吗 Every process 那个婚礼的过程的每一个流程 Every detail, every part 每一个细节 每一个桥段 Do you know that they are carefully designed and deliberately planned? 你知道吗 都是精心设计刻意经营 With many rehearsals and much practice 还多次的彩排勤加练习 Right? 你们说对吗 But when the wedding is over and the marriage begins 但是婚礼结束 进到婚姻之后 We let it freely develop 就任其自由发展 We are rash 然后 任他率性而为 Marriage is more important than a wedding 其实婚姻更胜于婚礼 Most people spend time, energy and money on the wedding 但是多数的人把时间交给精力金钱 Most people spend time, energy and money on the wedding 都花在一天的婚礼上面 After entering a marriage, they neglect it 进到婚姻以后却疏于经营 Tell yourself that a marriage should be managed well 跟自己说 婚姻要好好经营 Marriage requires practice 婚姻要勤加练习
08:17
During the Chinese New Year this year 今年过年的时候 I went with my wife Annie to Hualien and Taitung 我跟我的太太安妮去花东 On the way back we passed Hehuan Mountain 回来的时候我们就从合欢山回来 As we were passing Wuling 经过武岭的时候 Annie was very excited when she saw snow 我们安妮看到了还有积雪很兴奋 "Stop the car " 停车 She told me to pull over immediately 就叫我马上要停车 That is the way Annie is 我们家安妮就是这样子 Right. Then, we stopped 对 那停下来以后 "I want to take a photo " 我要照相 "Stand in the snow. I will take a picture of you " 你赶快站上去 我要帮你照相 So I went to stand there. Under the snow 然后我就站上去 那个积雪的下面 As soon as I stood there 当我一站上去的时候 Something happened 突然一件事情发生 Underneath there was ice 因为底下是结冰 The ice was clear and I couldn 't see it 冰是透明的看不见 So as soon as I stood on it 所以我一站上去的时候 You know that I slipped 你知道我人整个身体往下滑 What happened, do you know? 结果怎样你知道吗 Did I fall down? 有没有摔倒 No, I didn 't 没有摔倒 It seems you are disappointed. You see! Right 你们好像很失望的样子 你看 对 I didn 't fall down 没有摔倒 I was able to hold myself up 我马上稳住 What I want to ask everyone is 我要请问大家的是 Why wasn 't I injured? 为什么这个危险发生的时候 Why wasn 't I injured? 我没有受伤 Does anyone know the reason? 有没有人知道原因 Because I usually do weight training 因为我平常有在练重训 I usually work out. I practice diligently 平常有在锻炼 平常勤加练习
09:18
So when I slipped 所以当它一滑动的时候 I could use my core, my strength to stabilize myself 我的核心就用力 I could use my core, my strength to stabilize myself 稳下来 I wasn 't injured because I usually practice 就没有受伤 I wasn 't injured because I usually practice 是因为我平常勤加练习 I keep practicing 不断的锻炼 So, when there was something dangerous 所以当危险发生的时候 I didn 't get hurt 我就不至于受伤 Among the four intimacy killers in a marriage 婚姻当中的四大杀手 When do they appear? 请问什么时候出现 Anytime 随时出现 They are lying in wait. Right 四面埋伏 我看还八面 对 These intimacy killers can appear at anytime 随时会出现杀手 When these intimacy killers appear 杀手出现的时候 When there is a crisis 危机出现的时候 If you don 't usually practice 如果你平常没有练习 没有锻炼 Then it will be very easy for you to be hurt in your relationships 那么你在关系当中就非常容易受伤 So, the antidotes to intimacy killers 所以要破除亲密关系的杀手 Today I want to give everyone three antidotes 我今天要给大家三个武器 The point is that you must practice these diligently 重点是这三个武器 The point is that you must practice these diligently 你一定要勤加练习 If these are not practiced 武器如果你不练习 They are not useful 它就没办法发挥它的作用 There is no way to defend against the intimacy killers 就没有办法杀敌
10:19
You might even hurt yourself, right? 甚至可能还会伤了自己 对吗 Yes, ok 是 OK So we need these three antidotes 所以我们要这三大武器 Ok. The first antidote is 好 第一个武器是什么 Practice to be happy and healthy 我们要练习快乐健康的自我 This is the first antidote 这是第一个武器 You are to be happy 你要快乐 Say to yourself, "I am to be happy " 跟自己说 我要快乐 Someone who is unhappy will find it difficult to have a happy marriage 一个不快乐的人 Someone who is unhappy will find it difficult to have a happy marriage 很难拥有快乐的婚姻 I will say this again 再讲一次 It is very difficult for an unhappy person to have a happy marriage 一个不快乐的人 It is very difficult for an unhappy person to have a happy marriage 很难拥有快乐的婚姻 You may say, how so? 你说 怎么是这样子 "No. If I have a happy marriage " 不是 如果我有了幸福快乐的婚姻 "I first have a happy marriage, then I will be happy " 我先有幸福快乐的婚姻 "I first have a happy marriage, then I will be happy " 我就快乐 No. That 's now what the Bible says 不 圣经不是这样说的 Let 's see what the Bible says 我们来看看圣经怎么说 Let 's read this Scripture together 我们一起来读诗篇这段经文 In general, people think that once they get something they will be happy 一般人都以为说你把东西赐给我
11:21
In general, people think that once they get something they will be happy 我就快乐 But what does the Bible say? 但是圣经不是 圣经它怎么说 It says that you have to first be happy 它说 你要先快乐 Then He will give you the desires of your heart 上帝才会把你心里所求的赐给你 So you must first become a happy person 所以你要先成为一个快乐的人 Then God will give you a happy marriage 上帝才会把幸福快乐的婚姻赐给你 Here comes the important point 重点就来了 What is the key to happiness? 那快乐的关键是什么 Where is the key to happiness? 快乐的关键在哪里 How can you be happy? 怎么样可以拥有快乐 Ok. Let 's first look at how emotions are produced 好 我们要先来看一下 Ok. Let 's first look at how emotions are produced 情绪怎么产生的 Ok. Usually emotions are produced when 好 通常情绪产生的是 When something happens and produces a thought 当一个事件发生会产生一个想法 This thought will bring emotion 这个想法就会带来情绪 Ok. Let me give you a practical example OK 好 所以我举一个实际的例子 My son was studying in Shanghai 我一个儿子在上海念大学 When he graduated he wanted to continue his studies in graduate school 当他大学毕业的时候要念研究所 So he had to move out of the school dorm and find a place off campus to rent 所以他就必须从学校的宿舍 So he had to move out of the school dorm and find a place off campus to rent 搬到外面自己租房子 My wife Annie was very concerned about him 我的太太安妮 她很关心他 So, she went to Shanghai to check out his living situation 所以就飞了一趟上海 So, she went to Shanghai to check out his living situation 去看看他住的情况怎么样
12:23
On the day that she returned 回来的那一天 I waited for her in the living room 我在客厅等她 She arrived home around 12 o ' clock midnight 差不多到十二点晚上才到家 As soon as I opened the door 我一开门的时候 She stood in the doorway and looked at me 她就站在门口看到我就 Then she started crying 号啕大哭 It was the middle of the night. I asked her what had happened 三更半夜 我说妳发生什么事 "Come in " 妳赶快进来 She cried as she looked through photos on her cell phone 她就边哭边滑手机 "Look at where our son is living! " 你看 我们儿子住的地方 "It 's very old " 好老旧 "It is an old house in Shanghai from 70 or 80 years ago " 这是上海七八十年前的老房子 "It is an old apartment. Look " 老公寓 你看 "He is living like a vagrant " 他住得像流浪汉 "Let 's go to Shanghai and buy a place for him. Ok? " 我们去上海买房子给他 好不好 I said, "First come in and let 's talk about it " 我说 好 I said, "First come in and let 's talk about it " 先进来再讨论 She saw where our son was living 她看见了我儿子住的地方 She was very upset about it 她非常的伤心难过 She said that he was living like a vagrant 说他住得像流浪汉一样 Two weeks later, I went to Shanghai 隔了两个礼拜之后 Two weeks later, I went to Shanghai 我就自己去了一趟上海 My son met me at the airport 当我儿子去机场接我的时候 He said, "Dad, let me take you to see where I 'm living, ok? " 他说 爸 He said, "Dad, let me take you to see where I 'm living, ok? " 我们赶快看我住的地方 好不好 I said that there was no need to rush 我说不用那么急吧 In my mind, I was wondering what my son was thinking 我心里在想 儿子打什么主意
13:24
Why did he want me to see the place where he lived right away? 一见面就要看他住的地方 I said, "No rush. I will first go to my hotel. Ok " 我说 不急不急 我先到饭店 OK After arriving at the hotel, I got ready for dinner 到了饭店以后准备要吃晚餐 My son said, "Dad, before we eat let 's go to see where I am living, ok? " 儿子又说 爸 吃晚餐之前 My son said, "Dad, before we eat let 's go to see where I am living, ok? " 去我住的地方看看 好不好 I said there was no need to rush 我说 不急不急 I was wondering what my son was up to 我心里在想我儿子在想什么 Ok. Finally we finished dinner 好 终于吃完晚餐 I remember that it was around Christmas 我记得那时候圣诞节的前后 Shanghai was very cold and windy 上海很冷 风很大 As we were walking along a pedestrian bridge 我们走在天桥的上面 As we were walking along a pedestrian bridge 当走在天桥上面的时候 My son said, "Dad, I live just below this pedestrian bridge " 我儿子说 爸 My son said, "Dad, I live just below this pedestrian bridge " 我住的地方就在天桥下面 So, I had no choice but to go in 这时候不能不去 Ok. So we went in 好 我们就进去了 He lived in a very old area 他住的地方 He lived in a very old area 是个很老旧的市区 There was a large iron gate outside 外面一个铁门 很大的铁门 We pushed the gate open to enter 我们推铁门进去 That gate almost fell 那铁门差点掉下来 It was very old 就很老旧 Some paint fell off when we pushed it open 推的时候那个漆都掉下来了 Then we went inside 然后我们就走进 There was a very small and narrow stairway to his place 要走进他住的地方 There was a very small and narrow stairway to his place 那个楼梯好小好小的楼梯 好窄 There were things stacked up along the sides 然后旁边堆满了杂物 As we walked we had to swat away the spider webs 然后我们边走路的时候 As we walked we had to swat away the spider webs 都还要边拨那个蜘蛛网
14:25
Then we climbed up to the fifth floor 然后爬了五楼 My legs were very tired after reaching the fifth floor 我腿都软了 My legs were very tired after reaching the fifth floor 爬到五楼了以后 We had to walk through a corridor 我们要走到那个廊道 After walking through the corridor we reached his room 穿过那个廊道走到他住的房间 The wind was blowing from the north 北风吹来 The windows were very old 那个窗户都很老旧 The kind of windows with wooden frame and frosted glass 都木头框然后毛玻璃那种窗户 The windows were very old 好老旧的窗户 Then 然后 Ok, we entered 好进到他住的地方去 It was a very small space 很小的一个空间 Around four or five ping only, very small 大概可能只有四五坪 很小 There was a bed, a sofa, a closet, and a desk. That 's it 摆了一张床一张沙发 There was a bed, a sofa, a closet, and a desk. That 's it 还有他的衣橱 书桌 就这样子 As soon as we entered my son said to me 一进去我儿子就跟我说 "Dad, look I went to the store and chose this bed myself " 爸 你看那是我去卖场自己挑的床 "Do you want to lie down on it? " 你要不要躺看看 I said, "No, son " 我说不用 儿子 "Your father can see what it is like. I don 't need to lie on it " 爸爸这样看就知道了 不用躺 "Dad, lie down on it " 爸 你躺看看 I said that I didn 't need to 我说 不用不用 It seemed that my son wanted me to experience his life 我儿子就是好像要我体验一下 It seemed that my son wanted me to experience his life 他的生活一样 He sad, "Dad, I chose this sofa myself " 他说 爸 这是沙发 He sad, "Dad, I chose this sofa myself " 这个沙发是也是我亲自挑的 "Do you want to sit on it? " 你要不要坐看看 I said, "Son, your dad can see it just fine. He doesn 't need to sit on it " 我说 儿子 I said, "Son, your dad can see it just fine. He doesn 't need to sit on it " 爸爸这样看大概就知道了 I said, "Son, your dad can see it just fine. He doesn 't need to sit on it " 不用坐 Suddenly my son posed 突然之间我儿子做了一个动作 My son was sitting on that sofa 我儿子就坐上了那个沙发 He was sitting in this kind of pose 大概就这样的姿势就坐着
15:26
He asked me, "Dad, what do I look like? " 他就问我说 爸 你看我像什么 I said, "I don 't know. What? " 我说 像什么 I said, "I don 't know. What? " 不知道 "Dad, look again, what do I look like? " 再看看 爸 你再看我像什么 I said, "What do you look like? " 我说 像什么 He said, "Dad look at me " 他说 爸你看看我 "Do I look like a king? " 像不像个国王的样子 What did my wife say he looked like? 我太太说他像什么 A vagrant 流浪汉 He said that he looked like a king 他说他像 国王 Then my son said to me 紧接着我儿子就说 爸我跟你说 "There are three subway lines and five department stores here. Do you know that? " 你知道吗 这个地方有三条捷运 "There are three subway lines and five department stores here. Do you know that? " 有五家百货公司 "The transportation is very convenient and I can easily get what I need " 交通非常的便利 生活机能非常强 "This place is old, that 's all " 它只不过是老旧一点这样而已 "Dad, did you know? " 但是爸你知道吗 "When I was in the dorm there were four of us squeezed into a room " 我在住学校宿舍的时候 "When I was in the dorm there were four of us squeezed into a room " 是四个人挤一个房间 "I didn 't have my own space or my own time " 没有自己的空间 没有自己的时间 "I had to wait in line to shower " 然后全部的人洗澡是要排队的 "Here I have my own bathroom " 我在这里有自己的卫浴 "It is old, but it is my own " 老旧 但是自己的 "I have my own space " 我有自己的空间 "I have my own world " 我有自己的世界 "Dad. Look at me. Do I look like a king? " 爸 你看我像不像个国王的样子 This left a deep impression on me 这件事情对我印象非常深刻
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My wife Annie and my son faced the same environment 我的太太安妮跟我的儿子 My wife Annie and my son faced the same environment 他们面对同一个环境 They faced the same thing 面对同一件事情 But their emotional reactions were so different 他们的情绪天壤之别 One person thought he looked like a vagrant 一个认为说他看起来像 One person thought he looked like a vagrant 流浪汉 One thought that he looked like a king 一个说他看起来像 One thought that he looked like a king 国王 The difference is 中间的差别 Why does the same environment produce completely different emotions? 为什么同样一个环境 Why does the same environment produce completely different emotions? 产生两种不同完全不同的情绪 Why? 为什么 This is due to our thoughts 中间就在于 This is due to our thoughts 想法 So if someone is unhappy 所以一个人快不快乐 The key factor is their thoughts 很关键的一个因素就在于 The key factor is their thoughts 想法 Let 's see what the Bible says 我们来看圣经怎么说 Let 's read this Scripture from the Book of Proverbs 我们一起来读箴言的这段经文 The Bible says the fruits of your life 圣经说你一生的果效 Your successes and failures 你一生的兴衰成败 Your joys and sorrows 你一生的喜怒哀乐 They all come from the heart 都是由心发出 They are decided by your thoughts 都是由你的心思意念所决定的 They are decided by your thoughts 都是由你的想法所决定的
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So, if we want to be happy, our thoughts are very important, they are the key 所以要快乐 我们的思想想法 So, if we want to be happy, our thoughts are very important, they are the key 就非常的重要的关键 When you face your husband, your spouse 所以当我们面对 When you face your husband, your spouse 我们的先生 我们的配偶 We can say, they are just like that 我们可以说 他就是这个样子 A leopard never changes its spots 江山易改 本性难移 If that is how you think 如果你的想法是这样 What is your emotional reaction? 那你的情绪是什么 Is it possible for you to have a different idea? 你有没有可能有一个不同的想法 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me 你可以说靠着那加给我力量的 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me 我凡事都能做 Then, your emotions will be different 情绪就完全不一样 You can also say 你也可以说 A leopard can 't change its spots 人在江湖 身不由己 But you can have a different idea 但是你可以有不同的想法说 That which is within me, which is greater than this world 那在我里面的比世界的更大 When we have a different thought 当我们想法不同的时候 Our emotions will be completely different 情绪就完全不一样 If the other person is late to meet with you 约会的时候对方迟到了 You can think how can that person be late 你可以说 一约会就迟到 Or you can have a different idea 你也可以有不同的想法说 That person was late but they still chose to come 迟到了还是来约会 Do you understand this secret? 你抓到这个秘诀吗
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How you see your life comes from your heart 一生的果效都是由心发出 It comes from your thoughts 都是由我们的思想发出的 Everyone, what do you squeeze out of a toothpaste tube? 各位 牙膏挤出来是什么 Of course toothpaste 牙膏 当然是牙膏 You won 't get another kind of other paste or cream from a toothpaste tube 牙膏挤出来会不会是悠悠药膏 Never 不会 Why do you get toothpaste out of a toothpaste tube? 为什么牙膏挤出来是牙膏 Why? 为什么 Because there is toothpaste in it 因为里面是牙膏 So, what we think about 所以我们的想法是什么想法 When the pressure comes 当压力产生的时候 It is our thoughts that are squeezed out 压力就会挤出我们里面的想法 So, we have to practice 所以平常我们就要好好的练习 We need to have positive thoughts 让我们有正面的想法 In addition to having good thoughts, we need to be happy 要快乐除了要有好的想法以外 We also need to have a good perspective 也要好的眼光 Ok, what 's the value of this bill? 好 这多少钱的钞票 1000 dollars, see? 一千块 你看 You weren 't paying attention, but now you are 刚刚不太注意听 现在见钱眼开 Friends online, when you see this 1000 dollar bill 在线的朋友马上看到这一千块 It catches your attention 眼睛就为之一亮了 See? 你看 Ok, I will crumple this 1000 dollar bill into a ball 好 这一千块 我现在把它揉一揉 It 's twisted and disformed 它已经几乎完全扭曲变形 It has lost its original shape 失去原本的样子
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It looks ugly 看起来很丑 If I say that I want to give it to you, raise your hand if you want it 送给你 你要的请举手 For those who are watching online 在在线 All of you, right, ok 都有 对 OK It is crumpled up into a ball, why do you want it? 这已经扭曲变形为什么你还要 Ok, how about this. It 's not bad enough 好这样子 这样还不够不好 Ok, I spit on it, and place it on the ground 好 吐痰下去 放去地上 I stomp on it and pick it up 踩一踩 再拿起来 If you still want it, raise your hand 给你 要的请举手 You still want it, yes 还是要 对 Ok, if it accidently falls into the toilet 好 不小心掉进马桶里面了 You take it out 把它捞起来 It has a bad smell 臭臭的 If you still want it, raise your hand 送给你 你还是要的请举手 You still want it 还是要 Pay attention here, it 's been twisted and distorted 注意 它已经扭曲变形 It 's filthy and dirty and it smells 已经肮脏污秽 甚至已经发臭了 Why do you still want it? Why? 为什么你还是要呢 为什么 Because it is still 1000 dollars 因为它还是一千块 Its value does not change because of its shape 它的价值并没有因为它的外型 Not because it is distorted 不会因为它的变形 Not because it is twisted 不会因为它的扭曲 Not because it smells 不会它身上有臭味
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This does not influence its value 而影响到它的价值 People are the same 人也一样 The Bible says 圣经上说 We are created in the image of God 我们是按着上帝的形像所造的 So, our value does not change because our appearance is distorted 所以不会因为我们的外型扭曲 Or because of body odor 不会因为我们身上有臭味 Or because of our bad relationship 我们的关系不好 Or being fired 我们被资遣 Or our low salary 我们薪水不高 None of these external conditions 不会因为这些外界条件 Our value does not change because of these 而影响我们的价值 Although we may smell 即使身上已经有臭味了 Although our relationship is tense and we smell 因为关系很紧张 身上满是臭味 This does not influence our value 也不影响我们的价值 Do you know that? 你知道吗 How much does it cost for a dental implant? 我们一颗牙齿去植牙多少钱 On average, it 's about 70000 NT dollars, there is a range 平均大概七万块 有高有低 A dental implant is 70000 NT dollars 一颗牙齿七万块 How many teeth are there? 那请问这一口牙几颗 Thirty 三十颗 Some people have cavities, yes 有的人有蛀牙的 对 For those who have lost teeth, ok 缺牙的 OK On average, we have 30 teeth 那平均有三十颗 Thirty teeth, one implant is 70000 NT dollars 三十颗 一颗七万 How much is your entire mouth worth? 这样这一口牙多少钱 More than two million NT dollars 两百多万 Tell yourself, "My mouth is so valuable " 跟自己说 我满口都是钱
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Ok, would you sell your heart for three million dollars? 好 心脏一颗如果三百万你卖不卖 Tell me, would you? 请问 卖不卖 No! A heart for three million dollars 不卖 心脏三百万 Your liver, lungs, spleen and kidneys 肝脏 肺脏 脾脏 肾脏 There are two kidneys 肾脏有两颗 If you add them up, are they worth more than 20 million dollars? 这样加起来有没有超过两千万 And your corneas, your brain 还有眼角膜 还有大脑 If you add them up, is that more than 20 million? 这样加起来有没有超过两千万 It 's more than 20 million dollars 超过两千万了 Can you tell me, if one day 请问一下如果有一天 You 're out driving a 20 million dollar car 你开着一部两千万的车子出去 How would you drive it? 你会怎么开 You would have a big smile and feel proud, right? 笑容满面春风得意的开 对吧 But today, I see many people driving on the road 但是我今天看到很多人在路上开 They are in a car worth more than 20 million dollars 开了超过两千万的车子出来 I see that they are upset 我看他们开得垂头丧气的 They 're driving it and frowning 开得愁眉苦脸的 Tell yourself, "I 'm valuable " 跟自己说 我非常有价值 "I 'm noble, honorable and valuable " 我是尊贵荣耀有价值的 Let 's take a look at what the Bible says 我们来看圣经怎么说 How it sees us 怎么来看待我们 Let 's read this Scripture 我们一起来读这个经文 Tell yourself again, you 're honorable 再跟自己讲一次 你是荣耀的
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What does it say about the price paid for you? 这里说你们是用什么买来的 A great price, then the question is 重价 那我要请问的是 What is a great price? 重价那到底是多少价值呢 How much? 多少 Priceless 无价 We are not only valuable 我们不仅是有价值的 We are priceless 我们更是无价值的 How can we be happy? 我们怎么样快乐呢 How can we be healthy? 怎么样健康呢 How can we have a good self image? 怎么有一个好的自我形象呢 First, we need to have good thoughts 第一个 要有好的想法 When we encounter bad things, we need to have good thoughts 碰到事情要有好的想法 To have a good perspective on ourselves 对于自己要有好的看法 When we are healthy and happy 当我们人健康我们快乐了以后 These killers won 't come 杀手就不敢来 Even if they do, they cannot hurt you 即便它来了 伤不了我 Ok, next, I want to give you OK 好 紧接着我们要给 The second antidote 大家第二项武器 That is to practice sincere and specific praise 就是要练习真诚具体的赞美 I once attended a training program 我曾经去受过一个训练 A training course 去接受一个课程 And the lecturer 这个课程的讲师 She shared with us 她在课堂上跟我们这样分享
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She said whenever 她说每一次 Her entire family eats together 我们全家一起吃饭的时候 She praises her husband in front of their children 我就会当着孩子的面前 She praises her husband in front of their children 然后赞美我的先生 She praises him like this 她大概都是这样赞美 She tells her husband 她说我就会跟我先生说 "Darling, I admire you. You are my hero " 亲爱的 我好崇拜你 你是我的英雄 "When you were on the phone " 刚刚我看你在电话当中 "Dealing with your work " 处理公事的时候 "You were so decisive. You are my hero " 好果断好迅速 真是我的英雄 She is a teacher so she has a tender voice 她是个女老师讲话有点嗲 She said that when they are at the dinner table 她就说每一次在餐桌上 She always does that 我几乎天天这样做 She praises her husband every day 天天赞美我的先生 And she asked us 她就问我们 She said, "Do you know, students? " 她说各位学员们 你知道吗 "When my kids hear me praising their dad " 我们家的孩子听我在赞美他的爸爸 "How do they react? " 我这样赞美他们什么反应 "Do you know? " 你们知道吗 She said, "Our kids say " 她说我们家的孩子说 "Mom, Ewww! " 妈 臭酸了
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"Mom, we are tired of hearing this " 国语说 妈 听烦了 听腻了 And then in her class 紧接着这位讲师在课程当中 She asked another question 问了一句话 Which has influenced my life greatly 对我这一生影响非常的大 She said, "Students " 她说 各位学员们 "In my home, our kids listen to their mom " 我们家的孩子听他的妈妈 "She sincerely " 发乎至诚的 "She honors and praises their dad " 尊荣赞美欣赏肯定他的爸爸这种话 "They have heard it this so many times " 他们已经听到臭酸了 "They have become tired of it " 已经听烦了 已经听腻了 "Have your kids heard something like this? " 请问你们家的孩子听过吗 I have to say 我必须要说 Our kids, your kids 我们家的孩子 你们家的孩子 They need to hear something like this 需要听见这样的声音 This is very important for creating a sense of security as a child grows up 这样的声音对一个孩子的 This is very important for creating a sense of security as a child grows up 成长过程的安全感极其重要 It will influence how he or she looks at marriage in the future 对他以后对婚姻的看法 It will influence how he or she looks at marriage in the future 也非常的具影响力
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The greatest blessing parents can give to their children 父母亲可以给孩子最大的祝福 Is to let them hear something like this 就是让他听见这样的声音 Let them see that their dad loves their mom 让他看见他的爸爸爱他的妈妈 Their mom respects their dad 他的妈妈敬重他的爸爸 I know many brothers and sisters will ask 当然我知道一定会有很多的 I know many brothers and sisters will ask 弟兄姊妹来宾朋友问说 "Do I have to do this? I am not used to this " 一定要这样吗 我不习惯 "Do I have to praise him or her like that? Why? " 一定要这样赞美吗 为什么 Ok, I have to say, this is the principle of God 好我要说因为这是上帝的法则 Brothers and sisters 请问所有的弟兄姊妹们 Where is God 's throne? 上帝的宝座在哪里 God 's throne is in a place 上帝的宝座在一个地方 Heaven, right? 就是天堂 对吧 Where is God 's throne? 上帝的宝座在哪里 Let 's take a look at what the Bible says 我们看圣经怎么说 Let 's read this Scripture together. Please 我们来读这个经文 一起来 What does the Bible say about God 's throne? 圣经上说上帝是用什么为宝座 It 's built on praises 赞美
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So, when we praise God 所以当我们赞美神的时候 God 's throne is set 神的宝座就设立下来 So, what I want to ask next is 所以我紧接着要问的问题是 Can you tell me where your husband 's throne is? 请问你先生的宝座在哪里 Where his praise is will be his throne 哪里有赞美 Where his praise is will be his throne 你先生的宝座就在那里 In his company, where there is much praise 公司充满赞美 Your husband 's throne is in his company 先生的宝座就在公司 If his basketball team is full of praise 球队充满赞美 Your husband 's throne is that team 先生的宝座就在球队 If the bar is full of praise 酒店充满赞美 Then, your husband 's throne is at the bar 先生的宝座可能就在酒店 Ok, so I want to encourage all sisters 好 所以我要鼓励所有的姊妹 God loves you, so God gave this privilege 上帝爱妳 所以上帝把这样的特权 To all wives in the world 给所有天下的太太 Let your husband 's throne be set in your relationship 要让先生的宝座设立在 Let your husband 's throne be set in your relationship 我们关系当中 Let your husband 's throne be set in your home 要让先生的宝座设立在我们家里面 So, God gave wives this kind of authority and privilege 所以就给太太这样的权柄 So, God gave wives this kind of authority and privilege 这样的特权 A wife can praise her husband 就是让太太可以好好赞美先生
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So that her husband 's throne can be in their relationship 好让先生的宝座 So that her husband 's throne can be in their relationship 可以在我们关系当中 And in their home 在我们家里面 Let me say this again 再讲一次 Men need respect and women need love 男人需要敬重 女人需要爱 And when a man is praised 而当男人被赞美的时候 He feels respected 他就感受到被敬重 When a woman is praised 女人被赞美的时候 She feels loved 女人就感受到被爱 Ok, let 's read this Scripture from Proverbs OK 我们来读箴言的这段经文 Let 's read it together 一起来 Her husband, pay attention to what the Scripture says 她的丈夫注意 经文说 Her husband praises her 她的丈夫称赞她 What does the husband say about his wife? 丈夫称赞太太说什么 "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all " 说才德的女子很多惟独妳 "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all " 惟独妳 超过一切 When a wife receives this kind of praise 当太太接收到这样的赞美的时候 She must feel deeply loved 她一定感觉到深深的被爱
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So, when there is praise at home 所以当家中充满赞美的时候 You know what Heaven is full of? 你知道天堂充满什么 Heaven is full of praise and worship 天堂 敬拜和赞美 So, when your home is filled with praise 所以当你家充满赞美声音的时候 Your home is Heaven 你家就是天堂 Yes, so this is the principle of God 是 所以这是神的法则 We are to praise our spouses 我们要起来赞美我们的配偶 The second is that, it 's also God 's command 第二个是 这也是神的命令赞美他 Because this Scripture just said 因为刚刚的经文说 A husband is to love his wife, and a wife is to respect her husband 先生要爱妻子 妻子要敬重丈夫 This is God 's command 这是神的命令 Letting a husband feel respected 而让先生感受到敬重 And a wife feel loved 妻子感受到爱 The most specific way is to praise 最具体的做法之一就是赞美 So God commanded women to respect their husbands 所以神命令我们要敬重先生 And husbands to love their wives 要爱妻子 So that is to say, we have to praise them 等于也是我们要起来赞美 This is God 's command 所以这是神的命令 Praise, pay attention here 赞美 注意 Praise is given to your spouse not because he or she is perfect or complete 赞美不是因为对方很完美 完全 Or because he or she deserves it 赞美也不是对方配得 不是 I know that especially there are many brothers 我知道特别是很多弟兄
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They let the sisters down 让很多姊妹很失望 Yes, I am one of them 对 我也是 我是其中一个 Yes, we let our sisters down 对 让姊妹很失望 But the Bible says 但是圣经说 You praise him or her not because he or she deserves it 你赞美他不是因为他配得 It 's not because he or she is complete 不是因为他完全了 It 's because it 's God 's command 而是神的命令 God wants us to give praise like this 神要我们这样赞美他 Why does God want us to praise like this? 为什么神要我们这样赞美他 Because when we praise like this 因为当这样赞美的时候 The atmosphere of the home is different 整个家庭的气氛就完全不一样 Yes, you only need to praise him or her 对 只要赞美他 Don 't pick out his or her faults or try to change him or her 不要挑他的缺点想要改变他 Once Annie and I went to Europe 我曾经有一次我跟安妮两个人 Once Annie and I went to Europe 有次要去欧洲 Before we went there 要去欧洲之前 Because it can be quite cold 因为当地的天气可能满冷的 So we wanted to buy warm coats 所以我们希望去挑一件 So we wanted to buy warm coats 买一件外套保暖 We went to the department store 所以我就跟安妮到百货公司去 We were in one of the shops 去的时候在专柜里面 And wanted to pick out a coat 想要挑一件外套 Annie saw two that she liked very much 安妮看了两件 Annie saw two that she liked very much 同时两件都很喜欢 她都很喜欢 Coats A and B, she hesitated for a long time A件跟B件 她犹豫了很久 She struggled 挣扎了很久 She tried them on again and again 穿了又试 试了又穿 Finally, she made a decision 到最后好不容易下一个决定 It was a long time, it took almost an hour 这样折腾大概已经折腾快一个小时
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My legs were sore because of that 我在旁边脚都酸了 对 She finally made a decision 她终于做决定了 And said, "Ok, I want A " 说 好 我要买A件 I was greatly relieved 我就 大得释放 "That 's great. " I hurried to pay for it 太好了 赶快付了钱 It was packed up, we paid the bill and left 然后打包 结账 离开 Right as we left the shop 就在离开专柜的时候 At the corner 在转弯的地方 We saw a model 就看到那个模特儿 The model was wearing a coat 模特儿的身上穿一件衣服 Guess if it was coat A or B? 是穿A件还是B件 B, yes, it was coat B B 对 穿B And Annie said, "I think B looks better " 安妮看 我觉得B件比较好看 "What can I do? I want to change " 怎么办 我想要回去换 I said, "Ok, you can change it " 我说 好啊 回去换 "You have to help me with this ", I said, "No " 那你帮我换 我说 不要 "You can change it " 你去换 I said, "Why do I have to? " 我说 为什么要我去换 "I spent so much time there " 我已经刚刚折腾那么久了 "And now I am embarrassed to go back " 我现在不好意思回去 "David, you go back to change it " 鸿儒你回去换 I replied, "No, if you want to, do it yourself " 我说 不 妳要自己回去换 We almost started arguing in the department store 两个几乎在百货公司要吵起来 In the end I said, "Go and change it " 到最后我就说 妳回去换 She said, "Why? " 她说 为什么 I said, "Every time in the critical moment " 我说 每次这种关键时刻 "I have to clean up the mess " 都要我来收尾 "What if I die, what can you do? " 那如果我死了 妳怎么办 When Annie heard this, she was stunned 安妮一听 愣住 She burst into tears 她就当场就飙泪
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I said, "Did I say something too heavy? " 我说 会不会我话说得太重了 对 "Buying a coat is torture " 买衣服搞到我死了 Then she said 然后她就说了 "If you die, I will buy both " 你死了我两件都买啊 "Because if you die, I will be rich " 因为你死了我就很有钱了 See? Don 't try to change your spouse 看到没有 不要想要去改变对方 It 's hard. You see that even if I die, she won 't change 很难 你看当我死 她都不改 So, I only have to praise her 所以只要好好赞美她 Regarding praise 有关于赞美 The third point, I know there are many brothers 第三点 我也知道很多的弟兄 And sisters, they have a question 很多的姊妹会有一个问题说 "You don 't know my spouse " 你不知道我那个先生 我那个太太 "How can I praise him or her. You don 't know what I have to deal with " 怎么赞美 你都不知道 "How many faults he or she has " 他有多少缺点 "He or she is not good at all " 根本乏善可陈 "There is no strength to praise " 没有任何优点可以赞美 If you can 't find a strength, you can still praise him or her 关于这一点 找不到优点可以赞美 Ok, I want to invite all the friends watching online 好 我想要邀请所有在线来宾朋友 Practice this with me, ok? 跟我做一个练习 好不好 Ok, I will give you five seconds 好 现在我给你五秒钟的时间 Look around you 你看一下你周遭的环境 What do you see that is the color black? 有哪些东西是黑色的 Five seconds then remember it 五秒钟 记起来
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Ok, friends 好 请所有来宾朋友现在 Please close your eyes 你都闭上眼睛 Ok, please close your eyes 好 请你闭上眼睛 Ok, can you answer me 好 能不能回答我 What is something red that you just saw? 刚刚你在周围看到的 What is something red that you just saw? 红色的东西有哪些 Ok, please open your eyes 好 请打开眼睛 When you heard me say something red 当你听到我问说 When you heard me say something red 红色的东西有哪些的时候 What went through your mind? 你脑筋出现什么 It was blank. Right 一片空白 对 Why did your mind go blank? 为什么脑筋一片空白 And you couldn 't see anything that was red? 完全看不到红色的东西 Now look again and see if there 's anything red 你再看一下周遭有没有红色东西 Yes, something red exists 有 其实那些红色东西都已经存在 But why couldn 't you see it? 那为什么你刚刚看不到 Focus, it 's all about focus 焦点 再讲一次 焦点的问题 Because you were focusing on those things that were black 因为你的焦点都在看什么 You were focusing on people 's weaknesses 黑色 全部都黑色都是缺点 So it 's difficult for you to praise them 所以就很难去赞美 Ok? I encourage every brother and sister 好不好 我鼓励所有的弟兄姊妹 Guests and friends online 在线来宾朋友 Let 's do one thing 我们做一件事情 Starting today 从今天开始 Let 's put our focus on our spouse 's strengths 我们把焦点放在我的配偶
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And see those red places 有哪些优点 看他红色的地方 When we do so, I believe 当我们这样做的时候 相信 Our intimate relationships will be different 我们的亲密关系会很不一样 About praise 有关于赞美这件事情 Can I ask you 请问大家 Is there a situation when people praise us 有没有情况别人赞美我们的时候 We feel uncomfortable, we don 't like it 我们觉得不太舒服 不太喜欢 Or we even hate it 甚至觉得很讨厌 Is that possible? 有没有这种可能性 In what situation will that happen? 什么情况会这样子呢 When people praise us 当对方赞美我们的时候 What attitude will give us this kind of feeling? 对方的什么态度 What attitude will give us this kind of feeling? 会让我们有这种感觉 Ok, when we discover that their praise is insincere, hypocritical and disingenous OK 我们如果发现对方是 Ok, when we discover that their praise is insincere, hypocritical and disingenous 虚情假意 阳奉阴违 表里不一 We will not like their praise 我们就会不喜欢他的赞美 Or we even hate their praise 甚至讨厌他的赞美 So what is the key to praising people? 所以赞美很关键的重点是什么 Be sincere 要真诚 What does sincere mean? 什么叫真诚 It means something true 就真的有这件事 You must be sincere when you praise someone 而且你要诚心诚意的去赞美他 You must grasp this principle 赞美一定要把握这个原则 Let others feel that you are sincere 那要让对方感受到真诚 How to make it specific? 最具体的做法是什么 It is necessary to be specific 最具体的做法就是要具体
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What is specific? 那什么是具体呢 Can anyone explain how to be specific? 有没有人可以说一下什么是具体 Ok, to be specific means to have a time, a place, a person or an event 好 具体就是要有时间 地点 人物 Ok, to be specific means to have a time, a place, a person or an event 事件 这样才叫做具体 So every time you praise people 所以你每次要赞美人的时候 You must be sincere and specific 你一定要真诚而且具体 I repeat, this needs practice 再讲一次这个要练习 One time Annie attended a course held by the church 安妮有次去教会 One time Annie attended a course held by the church 上了一个课程 It was on inner healing 应该是像内在医治这样的课程 When she came home 回来之后 Their teacher had told them to practice 老师说要做练习 So she asked me to be her practice partner 所以她就找我练习 She said, "Come, David " 她说 鸿儒 来 "I want to help you with inner healing " 我要帮你内在医治一下 I didn 't think it was necessary 我在想 有必要吗 对 I said, "Do you want to find someone else? " 要不要找别人啊 "No, you 're the person I want " 没有 就是要找你 I said, "Ok " 我就说 好 OK So Annie played some soft music 安妮就放了一个轻柔的音乐 Soaking music Soaking的音乐 And she tenderly asked me a question 然后就温柔的问了第一句话说 "David, how does God see you? " 鸿儒 你觉得上帝怎么看你 I hesitated at first 我犹豫了一下 Then I said to her 就跟她说 "Good " 赞 Annie then she asked me a second question 安妮又慢慢的问了第二个问题说 "What do you think God wants to say to you? " 那你觉得上帝会对你说什么呢 I paused for a second, "Very good " 我又愣了一下 真赞
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I said that 我就这样子 对 You know how Annie responded? 你知道吗 安妮她怎么响应 She said 她紧接着就说 "David, I feel that God thinks you are good " 鸿儒 我觉得上帝真的认为你很赞 "He thinks that you 're a person who pursues excellence and always give your best " 上帝认为你是一个做事情追求卓越 "He thinks that you 're a person who pursues excellence and always give your best " 全力以赴的一个人 "A few days ago I saw you preparing for a company course " 前几天我看见你在预备公司的课程 "A course that you have taught for 20 or 30 years " 那个课程你讲了已经讲了二三十年 "Several hundred times " 讲了好几百次 "But I still saw you preparing for it with all your heart " 但是我仍然看见你用心的预备 "Every section down to the smallest detail " 每一个环节 每一个细腻的地方 "Even the jokes, you prepared them all again " 甚至笑话 你都重新预备 "David, you are wonderful " 鸿儒你真的很棒 "I appreciate your attitude toward work " 我真的很欣赏你 "I appreciate your attitude toward work " 你这样的工作态度 "Over 30 years, you have worked enthusiastically and diligently " 三十几年来 你都是这么充满热情 "Over 30 years, you have worked enthusiastically and diligently " 这么严谨的在做事 "Not just in this world " 你不仅在世界是这个样子 "I feel that you are a successful father too " 我觉得鸿儒你是一个成功的爸爸 "A few days ago when our son called us from Shanghai " 前几天儿子从上海打电话回来
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"He wanted to quit due to stress at work " 因为工作的压力 他想要辞职 "I saw you that you talked to him for over an hour " 我就看着你拿着电话 "I saw you that you talked to him for over an hour " 跟他讲了一个多小时的电话 "You quietly listened " 就静静的听 静静的陪伴 "In the end I heard you say to our son " 最后我还听见你跟儿子说 " 'Son, whatever decision you make, I support you ' " 儿子你做什么事情 做什么决定 " 'Son, whatever decision you make, I support you ' " 爸爸都支持你 "You even prayed for him over the phone " 最后你还在电话里面为他做了祷告 "David, God really thinks that you are good " 鸿儒 上帝看你真的很赞 "Not just working hard on your career " 你不仅认真在你的工作事业上面 "But also a wise and loving father " 你也是一个非常有爱心 "But also a wise and loving father " 非常有智慧的爸爸 Brothers and sisters 请问 各位弟兄姊妹 If you were me 如果你是我 What would you feel when you heard that? 你听完以后会什么感觉 You would be greatly touched 深深的被感动 Why was I so touched? 为什么会这样的感动 Because I felt that she was sincere 因为我觉得真诚 It was specific in terms of time, place, people and events 具体 有时间 地点 人物 事件 Yes, so lastly Annie asked me 对 所以最后安妮就问我说 "Do you want to say anything to God? " 你有没有什么话对上帝说
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I replied as tears rolled down my face 你知道我流着眼泪说 "God You are very good " 上帝祢很赞 So your praise needs to be sincere and specific 我想赞美需要真诚 具体 Ok, about praising people 好 有关于赞美 Another small reminder is 还有一个小小提醒就是 Ok, for all our online guests 好 请在线所有的来宾 All brothers and sisters 所有的弟兄姊妹 Please look at me 现在你看着我 Are you looking at me? 有看着我吗 Raise your hand if you 're looking at me 有看着我的请举手 Ok, look at me 好 看着我 Thank you, look at me 谢谢 看着我 Ok, do you feel anything? 好 请问你有感受到我对你的赞美吗 Do you? 有没有 No 有吗 没有 对 没有 Why not? 为什么没有 Because I didn 't say anything 因为没有说出口啊 So here is a reminder about praise 所以有关于赞美 So here is a reminder about praise 一个非常重要的提醒就是要 You need to say it 说出口 你要讲出来 I know this is very challenging for ethnic Chinese people 我知道这个对华人的世界 I know this is very challenging for ethnic Chinese people 有很多的不容易跟挑战 Because we are not used to expressing ourselves in this way 因为我们不善于这样的表达 But allow me to remind you 但是我要提醒你 Praise needs to be said 我们要赞美最重要就是要说出口 So that others can feel it 对方才感受得到 Don 't think that they know 你不要以为他都知道 No, not unless you say it 没有 除非你说出口
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Where can you hear praise most often? 请问大家你们觉得 Where can you hear praise most often? 哪里最多充满赞美的声音 On what occasion can you hear praise most often? 在哪种场合里面 On what occasion can you hear praise most often? 你听到最多赞美的声音 On what occasion? 在什么场合 During a memorial service from my experience 我的经验是在追思礼拜 Many words of praise and thanksgiving are only said during a memorial service 很多赞美的话 很多感谢的话 Many words of praise and thanksgiving are only said during a memorial service 都是在追思礼拜的时候才说出来 I want to encourage everyone 我要鼓励所有的弟兄姊妹来宾朋友 Give praise to the important people, those who you are intimate with while you still have time 实时的把赞美的话 Give praise to the important people, those who you are intimate with while you still have time 对我们亲密关系中的重要的这些人 Give praise to the important people, those who you are intimate with while you still have time 实时的说出口 Express praise while you still have time 实时的表达出来 Ok, the third antidote to intimacy killers is 好 有关于破除亲密关系的杀手 Ok, the third antidote to intimacy killers is 的第三个武器 To practice open and transparent communication 我要来到要练习透明敞开的沟通 Ok, let 's read this Scripture 好 我们来读这段的经文 In Proverbs, let 's read this together 在箴言 我们一起来读 Ok, here it says 好 这边说的就是 A word fitly spoken 要把话说得得宜
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You need to communicate properly 要好好的沟通 Let me ask you 那我要请问大家 What is the purpose of communication? What do you think? 请问沟通的目的是什么 大家觉得 What is the purpose of communication? What do you think? 沟通的目的 Is it to change others or to reach an agreement? 沟通的目的是要改变对方 Is it to change others or to reach an agreement? 还是要达成共识 What do you think? 大家觉得 Neither 都不是 The most crucial purpose of communication is 沟通的目的最重要是要 To understand each other 了解彼此 But the key question is 那问题重点是 To understand what about each other? 要了解彼此什么 To understand what? 要了解什么 Ok, let 's take a look at the levels of communication 好 我们来看一下 Ok, let 's take a look at the levels of communication 沟通的层次 Regarding the levels of communication 有关于沟通的层次 There are greetings, reporting facts 这边有寒喧 有报告事项 Exchanging opinions, sharing feelings 有交换意见 有分享感受 And earnest communication 有坦诚沟通 Ok, for example, when a husband comes home OK 比方说 先生回来以后 He says to his wife 就跟太太说 好 "I scolded someone in the company today " 我今天在公司的时候骂人了 To what level does that belong? 这是属于哪一项 Reporting facts, did he talk about his opinion? 报告事实 他有讲他的意见吗 Did he share his feelings? 他有分享他的感受吗 No 没有 OK Ok, so which level of communication are we usually at? 好 所以我们沟通的层次 Ok, so which level of communication are we usually at? 通常都在什么层次 So the wife thinks 有时候太太就说 "He scolded someone in the company " 他在公司骂人了 "He must be angry, I better leave him alone " 他一定很生气 我离他远一点
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The husband might be angry 先生可能生气 But could it be that he wasn 't angry? 但有没有可能不是生气 Could he have other feelings or emotions? 有没有其他的感受或情绪 Could it be 可能是什么 That he might be happy 有没有可能很高兴 Why? Because he finally released the anger that he had been holding onto for a long time 为什么 因为积压许久 Why? Because he finally released the anger that he had been holding onto for a long time 终于吐了一口怨气 Is that possible? Yes 有没有可能 有 Could it be that he wasn 't angry 有没有可能不是生气而是 But he had other emotions 其他的情绪 有没有可能 Could it be regret? 有没有可能后悔 Yes, why? 有 为什么 Because he didn 't control his tongue 因为没有勒住舌头 "I regret my bad EQ " 这个EQ不好 我后悔喔 So when we communicate 所以在沟通的时候 What level of communication are we at? 我们跟对方沟通到什么层次呢 Do we really understand the other person? 我们真的了解对方了吗 Are we expressing ourselves in an open and transparent way? 还有我们表达 Are we expressing ourselves in an open and transparent way? 真的表达到透明敞开吗 Ok, these bring us some reflection OK 我想这给我们一些的反思 And we can ask ourselves again 也再一次的来问问自己 "Every time I communicate " 每一次我沟通的时候 "Can I be open and transparent? " 是不是都可以 沟通到透明敞开 Ok, about communication 好 那么沟通的重点 Let 's be reminded 我们要提醒一下 What is the point of communication? 沟通的重点是什么呢 Is the point of communication to prove right or wrong or to solve issues? 沟通的重点是要证明对错 Is the point of communication to prove right or wrong or to solve issues? 还是要解决问题 What do you think? 大家觉得 Neither 都不是
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Neither to prove right or wrong 也不是要证明对错 Nor to solve issues 也不是要解决问题 The key point of communication is 沟通的整个重点的核心是 To make relationships wonderful, not to prove right or wrong 要让关系美好 不是要证明对错 Got it? Christians 好 知道吗 基督徒们 How are we saved? What do you think? 我们怎么得救的 大家觉得 How are we saved? 我们怎么得救的 Are we saved because of our good deeds? Are we? 我们是因为行为很好 Are we saved because of our good deeds? Are we? 所以得救 对不对 No. Let 's see what the Bible says 不 我们来看经文圣经上是怎么说 Let 's read this Scripture 我们得救的 我们一起来念经文 It says very clearly that we have been saved not by our own doing, but by God 's grace 这边讲得非常的清楚说我们得救 It says very clearly that we have been saved not by our own doing, but by God 's grace 不是出于行为 乃是恩典 It was because we believed in Christ 乃是因为相信 相信基督 So because we believe in Christ 所以因为相信基督 We become the children of God 我们就成为神的儿女 So we are saved not because of our deeds 所以我们得救不是因为行为 But because of a relationship 而是因为关系 If your relationship is to be saved 所以如果你的关系要得救 If your marriage is to be saved 你的婚姻要得救
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Right or wrong is not the most important 行为对错不是最重要的 What is the most important? 而什么是最重要的 Relationship is the most important 关系是最重要的 Because in our faith, we are saved by relationship, not by deeds 因为我们的信仰得救是因为关系 Because in our faith, we are saved by relationship, not by deeds 而不是行为 If our marriage is to be saved 我们的婚姻如果要得救 It 's all about relationship not deeds 也在关系而不在于行为 So there is a saying 所以有一句话说 A good person doesn 't necessarily have a good life 一个好人不一定有好命运 Two good people don 't necessarily have a good marriage 两个好人不一定有好婚姻 The key is whether they have a wonderful relationship 关键在于有没有美好的关系 Ok, one time 好 有一次 Annie and I had a big fight 我跟安妮 吵了一个大架 We were about to go out 原因是因为我们要去约会 We were about to go out 要赴一个约会 But because Annie took too long to get ready 结果因为安妮动作比较慢 She is more elegant 她比较优雅 So we were late 所以我们就迟到了 Because of this 因为这个事情 We had a serious fight 我们吵了一个很严重的架 I was so annoyed 吵到很不愉快 Because I am a punctual person 因为我是一个向来看重时间的人 The fight was so serious 吵到非常严重 I left 然后 我就出了门 Annie says I ran away from home 安妮说我离家出走 Not really, I went out for some air 其实不是 我是开车去散心 But something happened 但是你知道吗 发生一件事情
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As I was driving my car to try and calm down 当我开车去散心的时候 When I reached the traffic light in front of my house 就出了我家的门口的红绿灯 I stopped there 停在那个地方 I saw something that left a deep impression on me 我看到一幕让我印象深刻的事情 I saw my neighbor driving an expensive car 是我看见我家的邻居 I saw my neighbor driving an expensive car 开着一部名贵的跑车 With his wife, they were having a fight 载着他的太太两个人在车上吵架 They stared angrily at each other 吵到怒目相向 You could hear a pin drop 到最后冷落冰霜彼此没有讲话 At the same time I saw 在这同时我也看到 A motorcycle parked next to me 我隔壁停了一部摩托车 The young man on the motorcycle 那部摩托车的年轻人 Two young people, a man and a woman 两个年轻人一男一女 The woman was hugging the man from behind so tightly 那个男在前面女生抱着他 The woman was hugging the man from behind so tightly 搂得好紧喔 And the two were talking 然后两个一直在讲话 I couldn 't hear what they were saying 不知道在讲什么 He was wearing a helmet 他戴着安全帽 Maybe because they couldn 't hear each other clearly 因为可能讲听不清楚 So their helmets were almost touching 所以挤来挤去 So their helmets were almost touching 安全帽在那边 I thought to myself 我就看着说 "What is most important? " 什么是最重要的 "An expensive car and luxurious home " 是名车豪宅重要 "Or a wonderful relationship? " 还是美好关系重要 If you can only choose one 如果这两个让你选一个 Which one will you choose? 你选哪一个 Many might say, "Expensive car " 很多人说 我选在名车里面 If you can only choose one 那如果只能选一个 A wonderful relationship is more important than being right or wrong 关系美好比对错更重要 So I thought, "What 's the use of being punctual " 我那时候想说准时有什么用 "If being punctual ruins our relationship " 准时使我们关系破坏了
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"Is being punctual useful? " 准时有用吗 "Is being punctual so important? " 准时那么重要吗 "Is principle that important? " 原则那么重要吗 Ok, I made up my mind 对 所以我就决定了 We just had a serious fight 但是刚吵得很厉害 I had yelled at her 把她骂得很凶该怎么办 What should I do? 怎么办呢 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me " 靠着那加给我力量的 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me " 凡事都能道歉 So I decided to apologize 我就决定回去道歉 "Annie, I 'm so sorry " 说 安妮 对不起 "I didn 't manage the situation of you being late very well " 刚刚妳迟到这个事情我没有处理好 "I was wrong, will you forgive me? " 是我的不对 请妳原谅我 Annie looked at me and said 安妮就看着我 "Thank God " 就说 感谢主 "God has given you a conscience " 上帝让没有良心的变有良心了 Yes. So I said to Annie 是 然后我就跟安妮说 "From now on " 从今天开始 "I give you a privilege " 给妳一个特权 "I give you the authority " 给妳一个权柄 "I give you the privilege to be late " 给妳有一个妳以后可以迟到 "You have the right to be late " 妳可以迟到 妳有迟到的权利 I said to her 我就跟她这样说 "If we can keep a wonderful relationship, it 's no big deal to be late " 因为我觉得迟到如果关系美好 "If we can keep a wonderful relationship, it 's no big deal to be late " 又有什么关系呢 Ok, so I made up my mind and said that to her OK 好 所以我就决定 Ok, so I made up my mind and said that to her 跟她这样说了 But three days later 但是经过三天之后 We had another meeting 我们又要去赴约会了
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So again, I saw 那赴约会我就又看到 She was being her elegant self 她在里面又很优雅的 Time was almost up 时间快到了 We were about to be late 我又快迟到了 I was nervous 那我很紧张 But I remembered 但是我那时候想到 对 "Yes, I told myself " 我曾经告诉我自己 "Let nothing ruin my relationship with Annie " 不要让任何事 "Let nothing ruin my relationship with Annie " 去破坏我跟安妮之间的关系 "Including being punctual " 包括准时这件事 This idea popped up and reminded me 所以好像这个信念就出现就提醒我 "Ok, I 'll pray for her " 所以我就好 我就为她祷告 So I prayed 我就开始祷告 When my son saw this 我儿子就看见了 He said, "Dad, I 'm impressed " 就说 爸 我好佩服你喔 "Mom 's running late " 妈妈就快迟到了 "Not only are you not rushing or nagging her " 你不但没有催她 没有念她 "You are even praying for her " 你还为她祷告 I told my son 我就跟儿子说 "Son, Dad is praying for himself " 儿子 爸爸是为自己祷告 "Not for her " 不是为她祷告 对 Yes, it takes practice 要练习 Open and transparent communication 这个透明敞开的沟通 Also requires practice 也是要这样的来练习 So we often need to ask ourselves one question 所以我们要常常问自己一个问题 That is 那个问题就是说 "Does the way I express myself help my relationship? " 我这样的表达 "Does the way I express myself help my relationship? " 对我们的关系会有帮助吗 We need to ask ourselves this question often 要常常问自己这样的问题 Ok, then how can we communicate practically? 好 那么实际上沟通要怎么来做 Right 好 Let 's take a quick look at this main point 很快的帮大家来看一下这个重点
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Let me ask everyone 请问大家 What do you think is the most important technique in communication? 大家认为沟通最重要的技巧是什么 Many people will say, "Knowing what to express and what to say " 很多人说 要会表达 要会说 In fact, the Bible doesn 't say that 其实圣经不是这样说的 Let 's take a look at what the Bible says 我们来看圣经怎么说 Let 's read from the Book of James 一起来 雅各书 So the most important technique in communication is listening 所以听是沟通最重要的核心技巧 Instead of speaking 而不是 说 So what does listening mean? 那么听 倾听代表什么 Listening means love, to listen is to love 倾听代表爱 倾听就是爱 Listening means respect, I 'll say it again 倾听代表敬重 再讲一次 Men need respect, women need love 男人需要敬重 女人需要爱 So when we listen 所以当我们倾听的时候 The other person feels respected 对方就感受到被敬重 The other person feels loved 对方就感受到被爱 With listening, there are three do 's and three don 'ts 所以倾听有三不 有三要 This is very important 这个很重要 三不就是 The three don 'ts are don 't interrupt, don 't change the subject, and don 't instruct 不打断 不岔题 不教导 Ok, I 'll say them again 好 讲一次 Don 't interrupt, don 't change the subject, and don 't instruct 不打断 不岔题 不教导 Ok, let 's take a look at what the Bible says 好 我们来看圣经上怎么说 Let 's read it together 一起读
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So please don 't interrupt, don 't change the subject 所以千万不要打断 不要岔题 At the same time don 't instruct 那么同时也不要教导 Please note that wives don 't need an analysis 注意 太太不需要分析 Wives don 't need answers or reasoning 太太不需要答案 太太不需要道理 If someone reasons with his wife 有人说跟太太讲道理 There 's probably something wrong with him 那个人智商可能有问题 Right, wives only need you to listen 对 太太只需要倾听 Ok, the three do 's 好 紧接着 要三要 Which three do 's? 哪三要 Eye contact, look at each other 要注视 要看着对方 Don 't look at your phone and say, "Go ahead " 不要边看手机说 没关系 你说 "Just keep talking, I 'm listening " 继续说 我有在听 Please don 't do that 千万不要这样做 Put down your phone, the work in your hands 要放下手机 放下手边的工作 Set everything aside 要放下你自己 Focus on giving time to one another, look at each another 专注把这个时间给对方 看着对方 Second, have empathy 第二个 要同理 When you look at each other 你看着对方也不能呆若木鸡 Don 't have a poker face 面无表情啊 You need to understand 你要 You need to understand 了解 Have some reaction, have empathy 要点反应 要同理她 Having empathy doesn 't mean that you agree 同理并不等于同意 Empathy is agreeing with her emotions 同理是同意她的情绪 Agreement is agreeing with her opinions 同意是同意她的看法 We can disagree with her opinions 我们可以不同意她的看法意见
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But we need to have empathy for her feelings and emotions 但是我们需要同理她的感受跟情绪 After she finishes complaining, please don 't say 你千万不要说 她在抱怨 "Is it that bad? " 抱怨完千万不要说 有这么严重吗 "Just don 't think that way " 妳不要那么想就好啦 "The other person is not like that " 对方不是这样的人 Then, she won 't feel your empathy 这样她就感受不到你的同理 So have eye contact and empathy 所以要注视 要同理 第三个要 The third is label the emotion 标明情绪 What this means is 意思就是说 After listening, take a look at her 听完了以后看着她 Be understanding 然后 And tell her 了解 然后就要跟她说 "So you must be very hurt " 所以妳一定很受伤 "You feel wronged, correct? " 看起来妳一定很委屈 对吗 Label the emotion 标明情绪 Listening requires three do 's and don 'ts 倾听的时候需要三不 需要三要 So when we listen to each other 所以 当我们倾听对方的时候 To listen is to love, there 's healing in understanding 倾听就是爱 了解中有医治 When she 's understood 当她被了解的时候 Then she 's healed 她就得医治了 So it 's like this for men 所以男人是这样 Men and women are different 男人跟女人不一样 Men are concerned with solving problems 男人注重事情的解决 Women are concerned with expressing emotions 女人注重心情的抒发 So you must deal with the emotions first then deal with the tasks 所以一定要先处理心情再处理事情
50:25
There 's something I must encourage you to do 有一个重点你一定要 There 's something I must encourage you to do 鼓励你要这样来做 It 'll be very helpful for your communication 对你们的沟通会很有帮助 Tell the person what you want 就是告诉他你要的 Not what you don 't want 而不是你不要的 For example don 't say 比方说你不要说 "Don 't throw your socks everywhere " 袜子不要乱丢 But say, "I wish you would put your socks here " 而要说 我希望你把袜子放在这里 Don 't say, "Stop nagging " 你不要说 不要唠叨 不要这样说 You should tell him 你应该跟他说 "When I do something right, please give me more encouragement " 当我做对的时候请你多鼓励我 Don 't tell him, "Don 't be late " 不要跟他说 不要迟到 But tell him, "I hope you can be on time " 而要跟他说 我希望你可以准时 Tell each other what you want 把你要的告诉对方 I have a friend 我们小区我一个朋友他有一天 One day he and his wife were watching an old couple in our neighborhood 他在小区里面跟他太太两个人 One day he and his wife were watching an old couple in our neighborhood 就看着我们小区的一对老夫老妻 The old man had white hair 他就推着那个 老先生 And his back was a bit hunched 头发斑白然后稍微驼背 He was pushing his wife in her wheelchair 用轮椅推着他太太 And while pushing, he hunched down 然后边推的时候还边弯腰下来 He was saying something to his wife 跟他太太不知道在讲什么话 They looked very loving 很恩爱的样子 My friend 's wife said 我那个朋友的太太说 "Look at how loving they are " 你看 人家多恩爱 My friend said 我那个朋友就跟她说
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"Then I 'll buy you a wheelchair tomorrow and push you around in it " 那我明天去买个轮椅来推妳好了 What did his wife want? 其实他太太想要什么 "Spend some time with me " 想要你陪陪我 But she didn 't say that 但是她不说 She didn 't say that directly 她不直接说 Then a nice walk 结果本来只是想要好好去散步 Turned into getting a wheel chair 结果搞到最后坐轮椅 Yes, so it 's very important in communication 对 所以沟通的时候很重要的是 To tell the other person what you want 把你要的告诉对方 Help the other person succeed 帮助对方成功 Instead of waiting to see him make a fool of himself 而不只等着看他笑话 Help him to be a successful husband 帮助对方成为一个成功的先生 Encourage him, when he makes a mistake 鼓励他 当他犯错的时候 Please don 't rub it in 千万不要在他伤口上撒盐巴 I remember when we had just gotten married 我记得我结婚的那一年 The day after our wedding 结完婚之后的隔一天 The day after our wedding 婚礼的隔一天 I rode my scooter with Annie on the back 我用八十CC的摩拖车 We rode around Bagua Mountain 载着安妮去八卦山绕了一圈 And I told her 然后就跟她说 "Annie, this was our honeymoon " 安妮 这就是我们的蜜月旅行 At the time I had just changed jobs 因为我那时候刚换一个新的工作 I had just entered the insurance industry 进到保险业 I didn 't have money and I was extremely busy 我没有钱 那时候很忙 I didn 't have time either 我也没有时间 So I couldn 't take Annie on a honeymoon 所以我没有办法带安妮去蜜月旅行
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In fact, when I talk about this 其实我在讲这件事情那个时候 I blame myself 我是很自责的 I felt really humiliated 我是很羞愧的 I felt very guilty 我是很内疚的 But guess what Annie said to me? 可是安妮对我说什么话 You know what? 你们知道吗 This sentence has been sealed in my heart for 33 years 这句话封存在我心中有三十三年 Even to today 到如今 Annie told me 安妮跟我说 "David, as long as I 'm with you " 鸿儒 只要跟你在一起 "I have fun wherever I go " 去哪里都好玩 When you make a mistake 当你犯错的时候 If your spouse makes a mistake 如果你的配偶犯错的时候 If your spouse makes a mistake 你的配偶如果犯错的时候 Or if he 's not good enough 或做的不够好的时候 Don 't rebuke him 不要责备他 Encourage him, he 'll be grateful for a lifetime 鼓励他 他将会感激你一辈子 Ok, so let 's sum up 好 所以我们要来总结一下 The three antidotes to intimacy killers 破除亲密关系杀手的三个武器 Practice to be happy and healthy 就是要练习快乐健康的自我 Let your relationship be filled with laughter 让你们关系充满笑声 Practice giving sincere and specific praise 练习真诚具体的赞美 Let your relationship be filled with praise 让你们的关系充满赞美声 Practice open and transparent communication 练习透明敞开的沟通 Let your relationship be filled with heartfelt wishes 让你们的关系充满心声
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I believe laughter, praise and heartfelt wishes 相信笑声 赞美声 心声 They can defeat the killers 就可以击败杀手 They can keep the killers away 让杀手远离 Lastly, I want to remind everyone 最后我要提醒大家就是 What do you usually practice? 你平常都在做什么练习 Do you usually practice happy praise? 你如果平常都在练习快乐赞美 And transparent communication? 透明的沟通 Or do you often practice 还是你都在练习 Contempt, criticism, negative interpretations? 轻蔑 批评 负面解读 If you often practice criticism, contempt, and negative interpretations 如果你都在练习 If you often practice criticism, contempt, and negative interpretations 批评 轻蔑 负面解读 Then you become a killer 那么你就会成为杀手 If you often practice 如果你平常都在练习 Happiness, praise, and transparent communication 快乐 赞美 透明敞开 Then you become an expert in intimacy 那么你将会成为亲密关系的高手 Ok, let 's pray 好 我们一起来祷告 Dear Lord Jesus 亲爱的主耶稣 I thank You for giving me intimacy 我谢谢祢 I thank You for giving me intimacy 赐给我亲密关系
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So I can be in a family 让我可以在家庭当中 So I can be in a marriage 让我可以在婚姻里面 Please continue to lead me and bless me 愿祢继续带领祝福我 So that in an intimate relationship 好让我在亲密关系当中 I can grow, transform, and be healed 可以成长 可以转化 可以得医治 Thank You, Jesus 谢谢祢 耶稣 As I was preparing this message 我在预备这篇信息的时候 I had some revelations 有一些的领受 I 'd like to share with the brothers, sisters, guests, and friends online 想要对在线的弟兄姊妹 I 'd like to share with the brothers, sisters, guests, and friends online 来宾朋友来说 I feel that God has moved me to speak to the first kind of person 我觉得好像是 I feel that God has moved me to speak to the first kind of person 上帝感动我要特别对第一种人 In an intimate relationship 就是在亲密关系当中 You 're a sister who feels hurt 妳是感觉到受伤的姊妹 It seems that in this relationship, 好像妳觉得 在亲密关系当中 You 're always the one who is giving 妳一直在付出 But you haven 't been seen 但是却没有被看见 You haven 't been recognized or cherished 没有被肯定 甚至没有被疼惜 You feel that you 're always the one pleasing others 妳一直觉得妳一直在讨好别人 You even feel that your identity has been distorted 妳甚至觉得妳已经扭曲变形 You even feel worthless 妳甚至觉得妳没有价值 I feel that God wants to encourage you today 我觉得今天上帝要鼓励妳 It seems that He wants to say to you 好像要对妳这样说 "Precious daughter, you 're the apple of My eye " 宝贝女儿 妳是我的掌上明珠
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"Your devotion, your tears " 妳的付出 妳的眼泪 "One day your family will see and understand " 妳的家人终会明白跟看见 "One day your husband will stand up and praise you " 妳的先生有一天会起来赞美妳说 "Many women have done excellently, " 才德的女子众多 "But you surpass them all " 唯有妳超过一切 The second type of person 第二种人 I feel that God wants to speak to some brothers 我觉得好像上帝 I feel that God wants to speak to some brothers 是要对一些弟兄来说的 Perhaps you find yourself 你可能觉得你自己 It 's very difficult for you to praise your spouse 很难去赞美你的配偶 It 's very difficult for you to praise your spouse 很难去赞美小孩 The reason is that since you were little 原因是因为你自己从小 You were rarely praised 就很少被赞美 Especially by your father 特别很少被你的父亲来赞美 I feel that God wants to say this to you 我觉得上帝好像要这样对你说 "My dear child, " 说 我亲爱的孩子 "Right now I want to represent your father " 我现在要代表你的父亲 "To apologize to you " 向你说 对不起 "I rarely praised you because I didn 't know how " 我很少赞美你 是因为我不会赞美 "I didn 't dare to praise " 我也不敢赞美
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"Child, please forgive me " 孩子 请你原谅我 "In fact, what I want to say to you is this " 其实我要对你说的是 "I admire you very much, you are my pride " 我很欣赏你 你是我的骄傲 "I 'm proud of you " 我以你为荣 Lastly, for the friends online 最后 在在线的朋友 What I want to say is this 最后我要对你说的是 You might not know this God 你可能还不认识这位神 You 're not a Christian yet 你还不是基督徒 You also have the desire to receive blessings in intimate relationships 你也很想渴望 You also have the desire to receive blessings in intimate relationships 在亲密关系中得到祝福 But how do you do that? 但是你要怎么做呢 First, come and invite Jesus Christ 首先你要邀请耶稣基督 Invite Him into your life to bless and lead you 进来你的生命当中来祝福你 Invite Him into your life to bless and lead you 来带领你 So if you 're willing 所以如果你愿意的话 In a moment I will invite you to say a prayer 紧接着我要邀请你做一个祷告 I 'll lead you sentence by sentence 我一句一句带你祷告 If you 're willing you can pray out loud with me 如果你愿意就可以开口 If you 're willing you can pray out loud with me 跟我这样来祷告 Dear Lord Jesus 亲爱的主耶稣 I open my heart 我现在打开我的心门 I invite You into my heart 邀请祢进到我的心中来 Forgive all my trespasses 赦免我一切的过犯 Lead me on the path before me 带领我前面的道路
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Be the Lord of my life 成为我生命的主 Be my Savior 成为我的救主 Bless my intimate relationship 祝福我的亲密关系 So that it is rich and wonderful 丰盛美好 In Jesus Christ I pray 奉耶稣基督的名祷告 Let 's say this together, Amen 我们一起说 阿们 Thank you, David for bringing us such an excellent and practical message 谢谢鸿儒哥为我们带来 Thank you, David for bringing us such an excellent and practical message 这样非常精彩而且实用的讯息 Through this message today 也深信透过今天这样的 Through this message today 一个主日的讯息 I believe it can help many marriages 可以帮助许多家庭的婚姻 And in the process of building a family 还有在建造家庭的过程当中 Provide guidance 是更加的有方向 And understanding of how to put this into practice 然后更懂得如何来运用 Next 那接下来呢 I 'd like to invite all our family members 我要邀请所有的家人 All our online guests and friends 在我们在在线的所有来宾朋友 Let 's stand up , ok? 我们一起从位子上站立起来 好吗 We 'll use this hymn to respond to our God 我们用这首诗歌 We 'll use this hymn to respond to our God 一起来回应我们的神
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In the name of Jesus Christ 奉耶稣基督的名 I bless all the guests, friends, and family members online 祝福所有的在线的来宾朋友 I bless all the guests, friends, and family members online 还有家人们 During the following week 在接下来这个礼拜 We can be greatly blessed 我们可以大大的蒙福 May God 's presence and protection 神的同在 神的保护 Always be by our side 常常随在我们的左右 Lord Jesus, thank You 主耶稣谢谢祢 We offer the glory to You 将荣耀归给祢 We pray in the name of Jesus Christ, 祷告奉靠耶稣基督的名 Amen 阿们

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