10 Ways To Recover From Being The Family Scapegoat & Being Scapegoated

10 Ways To Recover From Being The Family Scapegoat & Being Scapegoated

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if you're the family scapegoat it's hard to know what to do or where to even start when trying to heal from being the scapegoat hi beautiful people this is delaney k daylight out of darkness please go ahead and like this video subscribe to me i also offer coaching there's a link below and there's a link to a donation button i specialize in in this area and so i can definitely help you number one if you've
00:33
been are the scapegoat if you've been scapegoated it's more than likely that you're codependent that means that you send all the love out without having any love for yourself you give to others and you get joy out of seeing them receive and then you hope that they'll give back to you and if they don't which often they don't especially in these types of family then you damned
01:04
but this is a pattern that has built up in you and you have to start turning that around you have to start filling your filling yourself up first and then if there's anything left over you can give it out if you want to and then it's not to expect anything back that's the healthy way of running things but you've got into a program where you're giving out too much and that feels normal so it's going to
01:35
feel very difficult in the beginning to change it around because the brain is going to want to go in that way and and but the more and more you start filling yourself up first before helping others the more used to that you're going to get and you're going to start becoming a lot healthier um people are going to start respecting you a lot more and um so that's the first step in in healing from being the scapegoat you also
02:06
the um internal locus of control um you have to make it an internal locus of control as a scapegoat you would have had an external locus of control where you believe things just happen to you that's even even if you did your own stuff because often the scapegoat ends up doing all their own stuff and having to do everything anyway but they still believe that stuff just happens to them so you've got to realize
02:37
that you are the powerhouse obviously there's there's faith there's stuff that happens to us but then the destiny is what you do about it whereas as the scapegoat we often kind of sit back and we don't look further and see what we can do now to change things it's not about changing other people because you can't change other people you can only change yourself but you've got to start taking back that power
03:09
um actually visualizing positive outcomes and then taking action and following through and and looking at you know what is a wise way to go and and actually take the power don't wait for other people so the next thing you have to do is you have to get re you you have to get connected to your authentic self what's happened is you come become separate from your authentic self so you listen to others
03:40
and do what others tell you more than listening to this internal voice inside of you and this internal voice i'm not talking about those critical voices i'm talking about just the knowing knowing what you need to do because it's usually the brain and the ego if you hear us a story in your head and it's like well this happened last week and da da da and there's a whole story around it that's coming from your brain or your ego
04:11
that's not what i'm talking about i'm talking about your intuition your higher self which is just a knowing if you just know that something's not right for you or something is right for you you just have this knowing that is your intuition if there's a story coming along with it then you have to look into it more because coming from your brain or your ego so when you get back in touch with your yourself and connected and start listening to yourself first before other people you can listen to other people
04:43
but then still take it back through yourself if it rings true when you take it back through yourself then go ahead and do it but if it doesn't then you make your own choice number four is that you have to get yourself a good therapist because you've had early caregivers that have internalized very critical and invalidating parts into you and these are going around in your head
05:16
all the time and you've been invalidated as well so you don't believe when when you feel something or even when your intuition is telling you that you need to do something you don't believe it because the early caregivers would have been telling you that oh no you're wrong and that's not right and and so you no longer believe it so and a good therapist it's got to be or a coach you can have a coach or it's
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got to be somebody that you can believe in somebody that you know will tell you the truth and if they say to you know your thinking is exactly right and that that's going to start validating you again so that you can start believing that intuition number five is that you have to need you have to put together a first aid box for yourself it would be a long list of things that make you feel better
06:16
because in this recovery from being the scapegoat it's going to be a very bumpy ride you're going to have ups and you're going to have downs and the downs you go into the spiral way down and when you get to the bottom you feel hopeless you can't see a light at the end of the tunnel and and it's it's a horrible place to be but when you get down there you've got to have this first aid box list together so because you can't your mind is almost warped
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when you're down there you can't think of things to help you to feel better and even when you look at those things you like oh no that won't make me feel better like sometimes it's you you get like cabin fever where you don't want to go out but as soon as you go out into the sun or get in your car and go somewhere you start to feel a lot better so you have to have those things written down there and it can be anything from getting yourself a starbucks coffee to anything makes you
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feel better listening to happy music or um whatever it is but you put you put that together while you're feeling good and then when you start to feel bad and on that list i want you to put it's going to feel like i'm never going to get out of this but that's not true there is a light at the end of the tunnel and in a day or so i'll feel much better because that's how
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it goes and slowly these dips get less and less as you go along number six is that you have to as a scapegoat often we are kind of emotional we don't have a lot of control over our emotions because the narcissists have pushed our buttons you know those dysfunctional people in your family um and they would want you to freak out or even though they won't tell you that they will say that's the last thing they
08:21
want you to do but when you act up or you freak out then they can project all the nonsense onto you so you've got to start getting control of your emotions and realizing you know because it's a part of you that's actually freaking out so you can actually step the authentic self back and say oh i'm freaking out again oh how does that feel you know you will see that it's it's it's actually a part of you and even though
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you feel afraid or out of control if you just step back and watch yourself doing that um it's amazing you know you get a lot more control over your emotions uh number seven is you've got to start visualizing and manifesting a different reality for yourself so you've been you know you've gone through a very negative time because you had all these
09:23
negative people around you telling you how it was and you were brainwashed into believing this so now you have to actually start visualizing and you've got to make it very real and you've got to have yourself you're not watching it you're actually doing it you actually part of that visualization and at that time you've got to borrow an emotion from another experience where you were very very happy you know maybe it was at the birth of your baby or um
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maybe it was you know being on the beach in the beautiful warm sun or with a beloved pet or borrow an emotion a happiness emotion and then think about achieving or having all your friends you know going out and having a wonderful time and everybody treating you well start visualizing those things and manifesting them if you're going for a job interview visualize it going well but also borrow that emotion
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and and put the whole thing together i promise you you will start to and then take note of how that experience afterwards you know that interaction goes and more likely than not you're going to see that things are going to go a lot better than what you thought they were going to go and then you also have to take note of the language that you're using you've got to make sure that you're using positive language that you are saying
10:57
uplifting things and that you're thinking uplifting things as well because as a scapegoat you would have got into sometimes you even talk about yourself in disparaging ways because as the scapegoat that would have got you out of trouble but you are actually what you talk about what you think about where your focus goes what your words are words are spells
11:27
they are very very powerful so be careful what you're saying watch what you're saying sometimes even maybe go and record and yourself talking to a friend and then go back and listen i mean it can be it actually can be kind of shocking as you realize how disempowering your language is and also you know start taking note of the thoughts that are going through your head because this is creating your future and if you want to change who you
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are and and get people to treat you a lot better and that you have to change all of that also um start seeing start changing the meaning of things especially bad things that or what you perceive to be a bad thing that's happening in your life um try and find a good reason as to why that happened oh you know maybe that was the universe was testing me to see how strong i am or um
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make up find a way that whatever happened no matter how bad it was that they that you talk about the positive side of it you can often find a positive side to it you know um the this you know i was getting extra experience well this has helped me because now i've learned for next time or and so that and and or else even just forget about the negative things that come
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along and only reinforce the positive things you know oh look that's come along because that's part of my goal and this is my vision and um it's amazing how powerful that type of thing is and then as the scapegoat and i've spoken about this in other videos your divine feminine and masculine are out of balance and whether you're male or female we have to have a balance
13:30
of all these different aspects of us you know the the male and the female and often if you've been the scapegoat the feminine side and that doesn't make mean you you're effeminate or whatever if you're masculine but the traits and i'm going to list them off now um are often too strong on the feminine side and the masculine a lot of them are weak but it's going to
14:01
differ with different people and so some of the traits of the divine feminine energy is intuition and feeling and sensing and creating nurturing experiencing reflecting being collaborating expressing receiving vulnerability patience and empathetic the masculine traits now we want a balance of all of this you got to
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balance you've got to have a bit of each um is logic thought mind decisive action risk taking achieving impulsive controlling competitive intellectual giving resilience focus and analytical so you have to start balancing all of those
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things so you are a little bit of receiving but you you've got to be you know a bit more of taking and it's okay if you get out of balance if you end up taking too much you know while you're practicing because even if you make some mistakes that's okay just try try and it's gonna some of those traits it's gonna feel very difficult for you to do them in the beginning but as you start doing them more and more they're gonna become easier so that you can become a balanced
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individual again because your balance is out and it's critically important that you work on this so i'd like you to comment in below as to some of the other things you can do to heal from being the scapegoat and as always sending love and light out to everybody goodbye

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