How Narcissists Use Insults To Try To Permanently Destroy You (& How to Prevent It)

How Narcissists Use Insults To Try To Permanently Destroy You (& How to Prevent It)

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00:02
hello friends today i wanted to talk about narcissist insults okay and by this video i'm not saying that everyone that insults you is a narcissist while every narcissist or malignant narcissist is a jerk not every jerk is a narcissist and it's the same thing with insults narcissist malignant narcissist will insult but that doesn't mean that everyone that insults is automatically a narcissist just want to clarify because i feel like any time now somebody's doing a behavior acting in a certain way
00:34
that is unkind or unloving they're now being labeled as a narcissist okay so that being said let's talk about why they insult you because they always have a purpose with everything they do and three things that happen as a result okay so with that in mind let's get started for those that don't know me my name is michelle i'm a life and relationship coach i'm also the founder of the thriver school of transformation which is a monthly membership where we meet live weekly here is a link to get seven days free in the school if you'd
01:05
like to come and check it out okay so why do narcissists insult you the first thing that happens as a result of a narcissist constantly insulting you okay is not only are they breaking down your self-image not only are they breaking down your self-confidence or self-esteem but they are causing you a tremendous amount of suffering and the reason is because narcissists tend to pick malignant narcissists tend
01:36
to pick um for relationships people that still have wounds wounds from their childhood very often a shame wound okay so for that reason it's very much you think of somebody with a physical wound okay if somebody has a physical wound and you keep picking at it and they keep picking at the scab it reopens and it never heals well the narcissist is somebody that does not want to see you heal
02:07
the narcissist is not somebody that wants to see you be successful and be your amazing self and that could be not just a significant other but even a narcissistic family member okay especially if you're the scapegoat they actually thrive on you not getting better and so they will use insults as ammunition to continually pick at that scab or your emotional wound so that you never feel empowered
02:38
so that you never get better and you never get yourself together because by not getting yourself together allows them to use you as an emotional garbage pill everything they don't like about themselves everything that they deem inferior their fears their anxieties their imperfections their bad motives even they can imply that that's you and the more unhealed you are
03:08
what happens is you absorb their insults as if they're reality you make it mean something about you so the narcissist says something mean right and insults hurt anybody whether you have a shame wound or not but it crosses into suffering with people with a shame wound because they make it mean something about them so for example if i was healed and empowered and a malignant narcissist said to me michelle you're a horrible
03:39
person i would be hurt that they think something so ugly about me i'd be like be like wow you know ouch that kind of hurts but it's not going to cause me suffering because i know who i am somebody that's not healed when the narcissist says you're a bad person it's almost like their world falls apart because they make it mean that that's true this person thinks i'm a bad person and unless i can convince them
04:10
that i'm not i can't feel good about myself and that's a very disempowered place to be and guess who holds all the cards the malignant narcissist and that's what they want to do okay the second thing that happens as a result of their insults is that it strengthens negative programming in you okay our subconscious and i've done videos about how the narcissist infiltrates your subconscious mind our subconscious learns through repetition
04:41
plus emotion so it's not so much the words that the narcissist uses but the emotion that they constantly provoke inside of you so think about it when a narcissist is continually insulting you putting you down making you look at everything about yourself as if everything is just so bad what emotions come up inside of you shame rejection
05:13
not feeling enough not feeling worthy confused all of those emotions are constantly being provoked in you and they strengthen old programs that haven't been upgraded yet so if you had a narcissistic parent in childhood that made you feel unworthy what the narcissist does with their insults is it strengthens that program it is constantly pointing out to you see look you're not worthy because look at
05:44
what he just said to you or look at what she just said to you see you're not enough because look how they're rejecting you and it strengthens those old programs and when we're in those old programs it causes the third thing to happen and the third thing is is that it changes you it changes your nervous system to live life as if what they said about you
06:14
is true and controlling you and this is the hard part to hear even after they're gone because they have repeated and repeated and you know really got into your subconscious programming what happens is you can leave the relationship and still live life as if they are controlling you so for example their insults of you're so stupid you're never going to be successful become your inner dialogue
06:47
they're gone and now you're telling yourself i'm so stupid i'm never going to be successful okay so they control you through what has now become their their dialogue internalized in you and the other way they can control you even if they're not in your life anymore is through the subconscious programming so for example if you being successful caused them to insult you over and over your subconscious and your nervous system
07:17
have created a paired association that being successful is dangerous and when that happens even if they're not in your life you'll start to do things that would allow you to be successful and all of a sudden you'll start feeling all these things in your body because your subconscious is kicking on trying to keep you safe and telling you no you don't want to do that because that's going to cause you emotional pain and we call that self-sabotage but what it really is is just our subconscious programming getting turned on
07:50
and if the narcissist has infiltrated that subconscious programming they could be out of your life and your body right because what joe dispenza teaches and i fully agree with is the fact that our subconscious programs show up in our body show up in the emotions that come up in our body our body won't let us do the things we want to do they won't let us be excited about things we used to be excited about passionate about things we used to be passionate about talk about damage
08:20
right so they pick at your old wounds they strengthen limiting beliefs and that controls you what you allow yourself to to do how you allow yourself to see yourself how you allow yourself to feel even if they've been out of your life and i see this over and over again i know people that have been out of their parents home for years and they still can't bring themselves to do certain things that they were insulted for
08:53
for doing when they were younger and i'm talking about i'm not talking about bad things i'm not talking about drugs i'm not talking about bad things i'm talking about things that were creative things that allowed that child to excel at something they insulted them to the point that now that adult child can't engage in those uh creative talents or behaviors or skills that they were once amazing at and the sad reality is that that's exactly what the narcissist wants
09:25
because what that allows them to do is years later them seeing you stuck them seeing you not move ahead with your life not become successful only strengthens in them the belief that everything was your fault all along that they're good all the problems lied with you and that's awful so that being said i want to encourage anyone if this resonates with you okay you do not have to stay stuck
09:57
this is not permanent damage it is damaged the narcissist loves to create damage but it doesn't have to be permanent but you do have to be willing to do the work to help yourself the subconscious does not spring back on its own your nervous system doesn't spring back on its own either you have to be willing to do the work and this month in the thrivers school of transformation we're talking about the nervous system and next month we're talking about upgrading your self-image deconstructing the self-image that the narcissist gave you and getting in touch with your authentic self if you're
10:29
curious about the school what we do what we're learning here's a link so that you can try it for free for seven days

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