What You Should Know About Dark Empathy

What You Should Know About Dark Empathy

SUBTITLE'S INFO:

Language: English

Type: Robot

Number of phrases: 363

Number of words: 2171

Number of symbols: 9951

DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES:

DOWNLOAD AUDIO AND VIDEO:

SUBTITLES:

Subtitles generated by robot
00:00
if you have ongoing exposure to controlling people it's a virtual certainty that you're going to experience blurry boundaries which is why i have created the extensive online course called this is me establishing boundaries with the controllers in your life there's a link below that will give you all of the details and i hope that you would find it in therapeutic [Music]
00:35
one of the healthiest and most mature ingredients you can have in a relationship is empathy and that's the ability to understand and feel with another person from their perspective when an individual has empathy it shows that they have a desire to connect and they want to relate at the heart level empathy implies that there's a realization of diversity in uh personalities i have my thoughts but you have yours and rather than just thinking well it's all about me i want to learn about you i understand that life is
01:06
great let me get on the inside and see things from your vantage point empathy implies a form of humility the person who empathizes realizes it's not all about me i have my feelings but so do you let's tune into that and so uh when an individual comes to a relationship with empathy it becomes a highly motivational ingredient that can create a lot of good and rewarding connection now we're going to be talking about dark empathy but first before we get all the
01:38
way into that i want you to remember some of the primary ingredients that a narcissist brings to them because they can give the appearance of having empathy when in fact it's not remind yourself that in the mind of the narcissist power is most important controlling others specifically controlling you is highly important knowledge and correctness takes priority over love and connection it's important
02:08
to remember that conformity to their ways is essential to them in a narcissistic mind it's like well what i feel and believe is relevant and important what you feel is not that's part of the defining feature of the narcissist and as the narcissists approach you approaches you there are multiple thoughts that they have regarding this empathy ingredient for example a narcissist might think well if i come across as too caring
02:40
or too tuned into you it makes me look like i'm being too indulgent toward you i don't like that or it would mean that i have to lay down my agenda and although they'll call it convictions and i don't want to lay down my convictions my agenda for you that's too important to me as well or the narcissist may think if i'm too empathetic that means you might take advantage of me i'll come off as soft or i'll be thrown off point or
03:10
i may convey to you and anything goes kind of an attitude i don't want to do that and the the narcissist may think empathy is for whims and i'm not that kind of a person now having said all that there are many occasions when a narcissist can indeed come across as being somebody who's very approachable they can be friendly at first and engaging they may want to show themselves to be helpful toward you and
03:41
you're thinking wow that's pretty nice they can be charming and give the impression that they're into you at least for a while they want to be buddies with you they can ask seemingly curious questions about you and they they can want to connect emotionally which means they like being admired and adored but you know they'll give the impression oh i just want to have that that bond with you when in fact that's not really what it is they want that adoration
04:10
narcissist can in fact connect with your emotional side but not in the way that you would want it to be they'll connect with you on an emotional level uh in a cognitive kind of way it's like oh you feel sad well i'm so sorry about that and so it's their way of finding an inroad ultimately these individuals will show a type of understanding toward you so they can get an inroad into your mind and your heart and it's so important for
04:43
you to recognize this now when we talk about dark empathy we talk about pseudo-empathy that is accompanied by all sorts of other ingredients that this person brings now let's keep in mind that narcissists can have sometimes a very strong sociopathic tendency by that i mean that morality and goodness right and wrong it's whatever i need it to be today and so they can give the impression that they're there but if the circumstances
05:13
change they can shift gears to suit their own purposes people who use empathy in a dark way are calculators they're thinking how can i get an angle over you ah i know i'll show myself to be curious about you these individuals are schemers basically they're thinking uh i want to fit you into my self-serving mode or mold and if there's any way that i can do it then i'm willing to do that
05:44
i'm showing interest in you it's not beyond me i can do that ultimately these individuals are actually grossly insensitive to your humanity they can give the appearance that they care but in fact they don't really care about your hurts and your needs or your feelings or your backstory it's all just a ruse uh they can imply that they have their hurts or disappointments and it's kind of their way of letting you know hey you
06:14
can get in here and talk with me when in fact that's part of a ruse too they don't really want to share in such a way that's going to give you too much information but they'll do so in enough of a way that keeps you on the hook they can have aggressive tendencies many times they can be aggressive in a very open kind of way but you're not going to see it right up front only over time when your differences and your misinterpretations perhaps of them begin
06:45
to show up then you're going to see oh this is a much more aggressive person than they were letting on to be narcissists in this dark empathy kind of style are operating first and foremost with a self-impressed attitude well i'm going to show you that i'm one of the best people you've ever met but it's all a part of the false self they're they're self-impressed but as a compensation and and it's all part of the ruse they lack a consistency in terms of
07:17
reasoning with you uh they can show empathy but then when it comes time to really talk things through it's like no i'm not going to be objective and talk things out in a way where you understand me and i understand you that's not what i do and so let's recognize that these people can give that appearance that they are truly into you when in fact no they're just into themselves and this is a really good inroad that they can use so i i know that it can be be uh
07:47
frustrating to think do i have to constantly be trying to figure out where that person is coming from before i get too involved and the answer is well yeah exactly just because someone shows signs up front that they have empathy it doesn't mean that's what they are in my mind i'm thinking anybody can show an interest in you when the good times are there and when we're just getting to know each other and this can be in your personal relationship or even extended families
08:19
and your marriage or your kids even or at work they can give the appearance of being interested only in the good times but you'll you'll eventually begin realizing when differences and conflicts begin showing up that empathy tends to fall back and these more nefarious kinds of ingredients begin to come to the forefront these are dark individuals these are individuals who do not care about you and and so you'll have to hold on to
08:49
that in a in a very uh let's go let's call it skeptical way rather than cynical skeptical means you're you're weighing it out carefully cynical means you just have stark pessimism that just ruins you from the inside out so let's let's uh take it to this next level and that is you want to go slow when you're getting to know people when somebody shows that they're into you when somebody shows that they think that you're really cool and nice and pleasant okay that's good thank you i appreciate that
09:20
but i'm not going to be in any kind of rush and typically narcissists with this dark empathy uh tend to want to be in a hurry to get you on their hook and so that's that's a signal right there be willing to ask them questions about other relationships that they've had invariably they may have had relationships that have fallen apart ask about it you know tell me about that what was that all about and uh if if they're if they do a little more than blame the other person or make excuses or sidestep that it's like okay i can
09:51
see you're not really in a self-disclosing mode true empathizers like to go into that self-disclosing mode and they like to hear disclosures from you they tend not to be very comfortable with that let's recognize that empathy is a very impressive and desirable in characteristic when it's accompanied by other healthy characteristics like true self-disclosure
10:21
or patience or an absence of some sort of manipulative agenda uh it's uh empathy needs to be accompanied by self-reflective introspective thinking so there are people who know how to empathize and they're delightful to be with but let's keep in mind that narcissists are schemers narcissists have much more of an agenda over you than they'll let on up front and you have to be kind of wary about
10:52
where they're coming from if your gut tells you i don't really know if this individual is truly into me or not listen to what it's saying and and recognize that empathy is empathy when it lasts for a nice long period of time not just when it's uh seen as an opportunity to gain an inroad that's how narcissists think and healthy people don't go that path and i hope that videos such as this give you some good ideas of what we're talking about when we talk about dealing
11:23
with these narcissistic individuals and high control and uh to that effect you know you know our channel we have so many videos that talk about how to deal with this and so if you haven't subscribed uh then i would encourage you to do so and there's a notification bell that can keep you apprised of more videos that come along we'd love to have you along and we're so appreciative that you allow us to be on your journey with you if you have a need for counseling we have a link below that would take you to our one of our sponsors for online counseling and then there's a whole team of licensed
11:55
professional experienced counselors and and online counseling has become very popular in this day and age and so i would encourage you if you need to go to that link and get the help that you would need we also have courses and these are for very therapeutic reasons we have webinars who are that are one-off uh things and and i would encourage you to look into that but the courses have multiple videos and written material and questions for you that are meant to provoke a lot of introspection about who you are this is me is one of the courses it's about setting boundaries
12:27
free to be is another course it's about finding yourself despite the controllers in your life and so you want to make yourself available to that if that would be good and then also we have my books and then other ways that you can be in touch with us below it's sad to say that people can take something really good and positive like empathy and turn it into a reason to be a schemer but that's what we're dealing with and so when you're armed with knowledge then that can at least give you a good starting point for having
12:57
self-care i want you to practice self-care and in doing so you can maintain an objectivity as opposed to just getting pulled right into subjectivity and you can become then a person of steadiness and authenticity and peace i want you to find your peace [Music] you

DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES: