5 Hidden Traits of a Covert Narcissist

5 Hidden Traits of a Covert Narcissist

SUBTITLE'S INFO:

Language: English

Type: Robot

Number of phrases: 332

Number of words: 1947

Number of symbols: 8433

DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES:

DOWNLOAD AUDIO AND VIDEO:

SUBTITLES:

Subtitles generated by robot
00:00
[Music] dr carter and i have received several requests to do more videos on covert narcissism and if you look in our library back over the last year or so you will see that there are definitely some videos and many of us do know the common traits of a covert narcissist so i thought it would be interesting if we look at five of those traits
00:37
but when they're hidden so these hidden traits of covert narcissists that come out of the blue and just slap you in the face and you're like what just happened so here we go let's go one is that quiet superiority this is when the covert narcissist is very aloof they'll withhold opinions they may do like an eye roll or you know kind of like that sideways look like oh
01:09
here she goes again they really won't give you an opinion about something you've done until they know that they've hooked you that love bombing phase is over so i thought we could dig into things like this a little more so i remember a covert narcissist that i dated off and on for a year before i realized really what covert narcissism is he would often sigh and go and i would say well what's wrong
01:41
and he would say why does something always have to be wrong there's nothing wrong you always make a mountain out of a molehill seriously laura but i'm like it's been a good day or so i thought and you go like you can't get enough oxygen to live so uh yeah gonna be a little worried about you babe yeah so what this does for us right is it teaches us that we just aren't exciting enough doesn't it that we're boring
02:14
and so we begin to work harder and harder to please the narcissist to please this covert man or woman so that they realized hmm she really is worth holding on to or or he's valuable to me i i've gotta i i i need to keep dating him we when we become exhausted because we give give give trying to prove our worth to a person who will never see it self-absorption that is number two
02:46
these covert narcissists are very much into themselves but they're not going to say it like the overt narcissist may tell you how great he or she is and i own this car in this house and i've accomplished this much at work and aren't i special but that doesn't happen with the covert narcissist they're very inwardly focused they're very focused on themselves and how they're perceived and their good traits and how they want to be the best and for people to look at them and admire them
03:18
but you're not really going to know that um they just don't verbalize it enough so that takes time to learn but you do learn after a little while when maybe you come home from work one day and you want to talk about your day and they're terrible listeners they're such poor listeners they'll you know totally tune you out maybe read an article on their ipad or pick up a book or you know just give you no eye contact it's like
03:50
you don't matter but i do or they'll totally like interrupt you and tell you all about their day which is usually not what happens because it's more of the silent like please are you really going to talk to me about your day it's just it's very hard they are saying to us that our issues and our needs don't matter it's all about them so number three passive aggressiveness now
04:21
this can sometimes come so i say hidden because it'll come out of the blue maybe you've had a great day or date with your significant other then all of a sudden there's like a knife and a twist um i'll give you an example so i was out on a date with a covert narcissist and we had decided to be exclusive and i was excited about it and i thought he was too he goes wait let me get a picture of you that's really good light he takes a picture with his cell phone he goes you can use this for your profile pic next time you go on online dating
04:52
what it's things like that that throw you off kilter and and you go do i need to be worried about you leaving me um you're gonna leave me um what do i need to do to serve you better and to keep this relationship to keep it going i'm the one who has tried to keep it in its lane anyway keep it from going off the rails and and what can i do more oh my goodness that's exactly where they want you and it's really sad and their passive aggressiveness
05:24
aggressiveness can also come in the form of empty promises such as hey when you get ready to do that yard work call me i'll come over you call there's no answer you leave a message you send a text they don't show up they act like they've never gotten the messages or hey i'll help you um wash your car when you need me to or i'll help you cover your bow just send me a text you send a text you don't hear anything back for a day even and you're like but an hour ago you told me that you would wait on my text and
05:55
and i'd see you and you'd help me with this project no no and sometimes the empty promises are so big you feel so special like one might say a covert narcissist hey no worries i know you've got to work i'll take your dad to the doctor does that ever materialize oh no are you kidding me that's just a huge empty promise to make you go oh i have the best girlfriend in the world i had the best boyfriend in the world no you don't
06:25
no you don't no i don't not happening nope just passive aggressiveness and another way that maybe i'll give you one more example here is like the covert narcissist is very good after the love bombing stage is over to start testing you maybe you're used to hearing from this person every day three or four times by text well they might go a day or two without texting you and you start going i've got to work harder i've got to text them make sure everything's okay and
07:02
they still don't respond and it's so confusing and then they come back and say oh i missed you you missed me so much you couldn't send a text for three days last i heard cell phones work pretty much all over the world seriously dr carter says that a lot seriously another way is um and what they're saying i should say is they're telling you and me that
07:33
this relationship takes place on my terms 100 on my terms no matter what i call the shots you don't get to say anything and you better respond and you better pass the test which is letting me do whatever i want to do when i want to do it kind of failed that one didn't like it got out of that relationship that's what i did i'm not letting anybody control me again nope no ma'am no sir
08:02
okay another one highly sensitive they will remember something you said weeks ago that really even wasn't a criticism maybe it was something like hey why don't you let me iron that shirt for you the collar is a little wrinkled and you'll look even better with that shirt ironed in your picture at work they will remember that and say she's called me a wrinkled mess excuse me no i said you were very handsome and i wanted to iron that shirt for you yeah highly highly sensitive and you'll hear about it for weeks or
08:35
months another one where you can tell they're a covert narcissist is relationships absolutely exhaust them they can be on only so much because have you ever been in a play or a skit and you take on the role of you know one of the characters it's exhausting to become another person it is absolutely 100 percent just tiring well that's what they do when they retreat they're really on with you for a few
09:08
days and then they retreat they go play a video game or a solo sport or read a book they are turning into themselves to try to get that energy back to go be the person they first showed you that you wanted to see it's not who they are but it's what they wanted you to see and they knew it so they've taken on that role and it's really difficult to keep that up especially for a covert and what this says to us is they're just
09:40
going to disappear without explanation and we can't ask what's going on if we do they flip the script and we're told that we're crazy we find ourselves and i've heard this from so many survivors we find ourselves like going was everything still okay is she really at home like she says she is you may find yourself driving by their home or their workplace and you're like this just doesn't feel right what is going on
10:12
and you feel crazy let me just end with that you feel crazy and then here's the bonus one they will bring in a third person out of the blue out of the blue maybe you've had a little disagreement about even something as simple as the dishwasher they'll make it a huge deal and then go talk to a third person like an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend and say i just really needed to to talk to someone who understands and and she gives me the time i need and
10:44
he gives me the time i need and i can't believe you're mad that i'm wanting to improve the relationship by talking to an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend uh no heck no you talk to me first that's what should happen but again it's a power move it's telling us that the relationship isn't important we're not important and it's so disappointing and painful and hurtful isn't it
11:15
so if we really look at the situation step back come down from your love cloud get out of that emotion we are the stronger more emotionally available person in the relationship hands down we're the givers they're the takers so if this video and others about covert narcissism resonate with you instead of writing your story to yourself like you're a failure that you
11:47
didn't see it pat yourself on the back give yourself a small celebration that you have seen it and that you don't have to go on this way because you deserve so much more than this and really what are you leaving behind zero nothing go on do what you need to do in my opinion and i have been with both types of narcissists if you look at overt malignant and then if you look at covert
12:19
passive aggressive and for me the covert passive narcissist was far more dangerous than the overt malignant as always dr carter and i are pulling for you we want you to know that you are worthy you are loved and you are enough bye-bye

DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES: