9 Critical Signs You Grew Up as the Family Scapegoat

9 Critical Signs You Grew Up as the Family Scapegoat

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00:01
hi beautiful strong amazing people this is delaney k daylight out of darkness and we're talking about nine signs you may be the family scapegoat i can promise you by the end of this video you will know whether you were the scapegoat or not but first of all please go ahead like this video subscribe to me and there's a link in the description below i offer coaching and i specialize in this type of work
00:31
so i can definitely help you also a link to a donation button donations are always very much appreciated but let's get into number one and that's that um you you felt that you were a lost cause as a child you know that you would never amount to anything um you you just had that that feeling and sometimes it's not even what they said it's what they didn't say or it was their body language or the
01:02
little huffs that they gave or um and sometimes they did say you know it would be oh my gosh what are we gonna do with so-so you know oh and and carrying on to other people right in front of you so that that would be something that has a huge impact on somebody especially a child because children believe that their parents know everything so that can have lifelong implications for you
01:33
but if you understand what's going on and what's happened to you there are ways of healing from this let's get on with number two number two is that you were the punching bag in the family so anybody that felt the need to um take the anger out on somebody else or i felt like harassing somebody or um any any kind of issue you were fair game
02:04
you were fair game and if you tried to stick up for yourself you were told maybe that you had a mean streak or can't you take a joke or one of a number of other reasons you know but it wasn't the the children were not treated equally one child would be able to do something and nobody had raised an eyebrow and and and then if you the the scapegoat tried to do it it was a different story everybody jumped down your throat
02:36
the number three is you were gaslit your feelings thoughts and opinions were always wrong so when you tried to state something you you were met with nobody wanted to listen to you or nobody agreed with you um they also told you that the way you were feeling was wrong that that your thoughts were wrong so that would be the beginning of invalidation
03:07
and again there are ways of healing from that but un if it's left without doing any work on it that is another thing that can have huge implications on the rest of your life uh number four is that the whole family would have treated you badly and you know you would think okay well there must be something wrong with me if the whole family is treating me badly but it actually works out that the parents and and now we're looking at
03:40
most probably one of the parents was was a narcissist and the parents teach the other siblings how to treat one another and it's actually the case that even later on when when that parent passes away or both the parents pass away um the the rest of the siblings will continue to treat that scapegoat in that way which is is really sad um and and the enabler will always go along
04:11
a toxic in any blood will always go along with with the narcissist it's kind of like they have blinkers on um so you know that that that is really sad but it's it's kind of like they're it's an archetype all of this is an archetype and and the different roles are archetypes it's almost like it's imprinted in the human brain and and all these millions of people followed the same roles and that's why you can watch videos of other people's experiences and
04:43
say hey you know hang on the same thing happened to me it might have been slightly different circumstances but the the archetype the the role that was played was exactly the same so that's really really interesting number five is that your talents and accomplishments were ignored so you might have the enabler who would find something very easy that you did
05:14
and go on and on about it in a kind of patronizing way which made you feel you know just really weird and and not very good but your true talents or whatever you tried to do well or whatever you took pride in you were actually criticized for overdoing it or being too much of a perfectionist or going to extremes or and whatever they
05:46
they whatever you did achieve it was not acknowledged or if it was acknowledged it was acknowledged in a way that made you didn't make you feel very good number six is that you were the butt of when they were socializing and that you were the butt of their jokes or it was almost like a smear campaign and they would tell other people about you you know almost make the other
06:16
people feel sorry for them having a child that was so difficult or they would tell stories about you that were very very embarrassing for you and made you feel um [Music] depleted and and you know drawn down so there weren't stories that made you feel good okay and number seven is that um the siblings were treated unfairly
06:46
not all the siblings were treated you know the same as i said earlier it might be that one sibling was allowed to have a certain type of behavior and you weren't allowed to have that behavior because they would jump down your throat if you did that but the other sibling it was kind of okay and you know they might have even praised that sibling for doing that and then it might be say for example you were the older child and
07:17
the story was that they weren't going to buy any of their kids any cars so you come along and they don't buy you a car and then it comes to the next sibling and they make an excuse why they have to buy that sibling a car and then the next one they'll do the same so things like that you'll you'll see often it's like the story changes depending on which child it is and then number eight is that they would have projected a lot of stuff
07:48
um onto you and one of the main ways is that they do this is that's usually firstly they put the scapegoat under so much stress that of course the the scapegoat is freaking out and might even be acting out um and then they will want to take that child to a therapist but it's actually them that needs the therapist especially if they well it's them that's dysfunctional
08:18
not that narcissists will go to therapists but can you see they are the dysfunctional one but they're projecting the dysfunction out onto the scapegoat and that's the main role of the scapegoat is to take all the difficulties in the life of the narcissist and everybody else in that dysfunctional family onto their back especially the narcissist because the narcissist has a pathological and rigid personality
08:51
and they they cannot accept anything less than perfect within themselves so they need to anything that's not perfect within them and and is obviously causing some kind of problem in the surroundings they have to have a scapegoat to project it onto so you became the target of not only the narcissist but the enabler and the other siblings and whoever else was in that family's
09:24
projections which is a very very heavy load to carry and you know you can understand why this child might have issues growing up even if they you know maybe resorted to drugs or alcohol which are often just self-medicating um you know they say usually psychologists say to you and and i think this was this eleanor london who was actually talking about
09:54
schizophrenia and she said you know the psychologists they asked what's wrong with you where they should be asking what happened to you um and then number nine is that you um so they might they might talk about who the different siblings and that remind them of in their family and they will pick like you know uh family members and relatives that
10:25
they really look up to for the other siblings especially like the golden child and that and then you might say well who do i remind you of and they will find like the black sheep in the family or the person who they told you as like a pathological liar or or um you know someone some relative that everybody you know you always have that relative which most probably is another scapegoat um in the family that
10:56
the the everybody talks badly about or they kind of look down on and they will say that that that relative reminds them um of you and um you know if you kind of get upset about that or or question that that's a problem as well and you you would get shouted at about that so these are just some of the symptoms that you might see and um you know if you have a significant amount of
11:28
these symptoms and signs that you've seen in your own life growing up there's a very very very strong chance that you are the family scapegoat and you are in this very very toxic pattern and that you have experienced significant emotional abuse and you have emotional wounding and um you know we're going to go into future
12:01
videos we're going to go into how to heal from that wounding and more about what your personality would be like coming out of circumstances like this but i hope this was helpful and i would really love it if you could put below and some of the other signs that you believe uh would would show that you know you might be coming from a a family that scapegoats a child or a narcissistically run family where one
12:33
child is scapegoated and anyway enjoy the rest of your day and yeah sending love and light out to everybody bye

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