Cult-Like Narcissistic Systems

Cult-Like Narcissistic Systems

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Language: English

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00:00
if you have ongoing exposure to controlling people it's a virtual certainty that you're going to experience blurry boundaries which is why i have created the extensive online course called this is me establishing boundaries with the controllers in your life there's a link below that will give you all of the details and i hope that you would find it in therapeutic [Music]
00:35
because narcissists have such a strong need to be in control and also a strong need to be able to be admired it's not at all unusual to find that some of these narcissistic individuals can rise to the top of organizations and create a cult-like kind of atmosphere where they are very authoritarian very focused on what that leader says must be now when we tend to think of cults we obviously think of religious systems and certainly i know many of you have been inside religious systems where there is a very
01:07
very tight belief system and a way of life and habits and preferences and priorities that you're supposed to live into you'd better live into but cult-like thinking is being uh goes beyond just religiosity uh i've had plenty of people that i've spoken with that actually have uh have gone into a family system that can be very cult-like i remember one woman marrying into a family and she found out very quickly that the father of the groom was the the strong arm inside the family
01:39
everything that that man said and did and wanted had to be adhered to and then he was one of these guys that smoked stinky cigars and he would come into your house and sit in the living room and smoke a cigar and if you didn't like it too bad he'd do that i mean he was the large and in charge kind of a person and nobody uh was able to question him and if you did it's like you didn't say that did you you couldn't do it or in addition we uh you can have work environments where there's a cult-like mindset that's there
02:08
i recall years ago inside my profession you'd think it wouldn't be there but i went and visited a friend of mine my fellow that i actually knew back in my undergraduate days who had joined a clinic and the the doctor who is in charge of this clinic was extremely overbearing and micromanaging about how all of his people had to sit in their office behind the desk and had to wear certain uh clothing and they had to address things in a certain way and then have a certain emphasis and i when in fact when i was there my
02:40
friend had uh heard me as i was speaking to the leader of this group referred to this man by his first name would you say jim and later on he said you didn't call him jim did you i said yeah you were there you heard me he said nobody ever refers to him as that it's dr so-and-so now well he called me by my first name why can't i do that but this man had created this mindset that says he's the ty at the top of the stack you'd better give complete fealty to that person
03:10
or sometimes you have social groups or civic organizations where one person is so overbearing that nobody dares to come against that leader now there are multiple indicators that says that you are facing a cult-like kind of a system uh with certain narcissists and their groupies so let me run through some of these first and foremost when we talk about a cult-like atmosphere we're talking about having an an unquestioned
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loyalty toward the leader that's that's the individual who establishes the ideology they establish truth according to what they say of course they usually uh come up with some other kind of uh authority they may say well it's not me it's god that says this or it's the book that says this or it's uh standard operation or operating procedures but make no mistake it's the narcissist who's the ultimate purveyor of truth uh the the cult leaders established all the practices that people are supposed to go into and so they generate a type of
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group think and you have to be loyal that leads to another thing and that is dissent or questioning of the leader is strongly discouraged that woman who married into the family where the father was it or me visiting that clinic or you can't call the guy jim or a religious system where you can't say that doesn't make sense to me you don't do that you can't do that that's against the rules that's the way cults operate
04:43
inside these narcissistic cult systems micromanaging happens inside the group who are you with where did you go what did you purchase what kind of entertainment are you drawn toward and they they're all sorts of rules and regulations for all these small micro managing things what did you wear how did you conduct yourself what time did you get home what are your sexual practices and many many different kinds of things where you're told in no uncertain terms here's
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how it has to be down to the smallest of details in addition inside these cult systems there is an elitist attitude as you compare the cult to the rest of the outside world cults operate with a very strong us versus them mentality our way here inside this cult is the only way and so whenever they see other individuals who are acting differently there's kind of this mindset that says i'm so thankful that i'm not like these
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poor slobs over here i'm so thankful that i have my way because these other individuals just don't know what to do and that being the case as well then they have a lot of scorn and disdain toward any anyone who's outside the group's circle there's a very strong haughty attitude and they're very intolerant of anyone that comes along and thinks and acts and prioritizes differently inside these cult like systems there's a very strong control
06:16
via the use of shame and guilt uh there's there's uh i mentioned there's all these rules and regulations and then if you come against it it's like you're not just bad you're terrible you're going to hell or you're not one of us or you've insulted us and so there's there's a lot of condescension toward anyone inside the group who would dare be different uh that being the case that there tends to be the practice of shunning
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of those who don't buy into the rules and regulations it's part of that attitude of exclusivity people inside that cult-like group are not allowed to explore alternate ideas in fact if anything people who have alternate ideas are the enemy and they they need to have an outside enemy those infidels over there are those people who don't get it or those people who are trying to ruin the world or those people who vote
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the wrong way whatever it might be you're not allowed to have different ideas in addition if there's any kind of failure or miscalculation on the part of the leader then that's to be kept secret or we make excuses you play the enabler role towards the leader or if there's a failure or a miscalculation of the individuals inside the system uh then we can't talk about it or we'll rationalize the failures with a distorted reasoning or you have to keep
07:50
all that secret it's a very sick system and again i go back and say it's highly authoritarian you have that that primary narcissist who's at the top of the heap and then they create other individuals who just shake their head and say yes that's the way it is i'm hoping that if you've been exposed to something like this you can realize this is no way to live and any kind of organization that has to have this tight tight control
08:21
is built upon deep pathology deep insecurity paranoia and typically leaving a system like that is going to be your best option it's vitally important for you to connect with people who allow you to be you and so as you examine your association with these kind of individuals and you begin looking outward i'm hoping that you can give yourself permission to say
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even if i have different beliefs or preferences or lifestyle choices that may feel odd simply because that's what the cult says i'm not supposed to be share live into your uniqueness anyway i give you a very simple illustration i spoke once with a woman who came to my office wearing pants and she felt very strange and weird and i learned that she had lived in a system a religious system but also the family and social structure around where women
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can't do that they have to wear their hair a certain way and it just seems so odd for her to say well i'm gonna reach out and i'm gonna do something really daring i'm gonna wear pants but that's the way it works and so as you examine how there's a different way of thinking and doing and being i'm hoping you can give yourself permission to say i'm going to step into that uniqueness and if you've been exposed to this cult-like kind of a mindset there's one word that i'm hoping you can focus on and embrace it for all
09:54
it's worth and that's the word freedom cult people and and cult leaders and authoritarian individuals don't want you to remember you have a free will and let's embrace it let's live into it and freedom means you have the privilege to choose inside cults it's like no the choices have already been made for you and i'm thinking no that's not the way it's meant to be drawn up and then if they do attempt to lure you back in
10:24
i'm hoping you can appreciate another word and that's the word boundaries boundaries means you get to decide what convictions you get to live under you get to decide what kind of parameters and what kind of preferences you're going to have you get to decide who you're going to be you define you as opposed to them defining you so let's recognize that no human system or no authoritarian individual has the right to micro manage
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your life variety individual tastes unique ideas social preferences all of that is built into the fabric of human nature we're meant to be uh unique and distinct so i'm hoping that as you move away from that cult-like thinking you can recognize it's important to live into the things that make you distinctly you don't let anyone take that notion away
11:27
from you i hope that videos such as this will give you good food for thought if you've not already done so i would encourage you to subscribe to our channel and we'll keep more videos coming your way there's a notification bell that will come along with that too if you have a need for counseling and especially if you've been exposed to things like this it would be good for you to unpack it with a licensed professional counselor if there's someone in your area i would encourage you to go in that path or if you would prefer differently we have a sponsor and we have a link below to that
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that can take you to online counseling and this this group has a whole team of licensed professional experienced counselors that you can choose from and i would encourage you to get some help in that regard if that would be the case in addition we have my courses free to be finding yourself despite the controllers this is me establishing boundaries with the controllers and these are multiples of videos and teaching segments and questions it's a very therapeutic endeavor that you would get into and so make yourself available to
12:28
that as well and in addition we have my books and and other resources below you know narcissists can go into that cult-like mentality the they have a way many of them have a way of rising to the top and being that dictator and that authoritarian uh if you see that that's an enormous red flag if you see a system that's built around an unbending kind of a way of thinking whether it's religious or political or social or whatever that's a red flag that says your uniqueness is not going to be allowed
13:00
here see it for what it is and then make your adjustments accordingly because you deserve a mindset that says i'm free and i want to live inside a position of peace [Music]

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