How to Protect Your Shopping Trolley From Improvised Explosives

How to Protect Your Shopping Trolley From Improvised Explosives

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Language: English

Type: Human

Number of phrases: 29

Number of words: 483

Number of symbols: 2197

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Let’s paint a picture. You are grocery shopping  at your local Tesco when an eighty-five year old   loon lobs a grenade at your shopping trolley and  explodes your groceries, runs out of the store,   escapes via the tube station across the street,  takes the tube to London St. Pancras railway   station, and boards the 7:55 am Eurostar service  to Paris-Nord in France. Hundreds of pounds of   goods are now burning in front of you. Is  this image familiar to you? Of course it is.   Many people often suffer from the same experience,  and it is because they have made a fatal mistake   in their shopping routine. Do you see it? The  answer is obvious. Your shopping trolley is an   unarmored target with no method of defending  itself, which is an invitation for disaster. Today, we will show you how to modify your  shopping trolley to successfully shop at   a Tesco express in the dangerous area that is  south London at 3AM. Let’s begin by upgrading   the armament. We will begin by mounting a  12.7mm M2HB Browning heavy machine gun, Plus  
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another for anti-aircraft purposes against aerial  attacks, and a few more if you live in Birmingham. We can also install a Trophy  active protection system as a   countermeasure against anti tank guided  missiles, rocket propelled grenades,   anti-tank rockets, and high explosive  anti-tank rounds. The system uses a   self-forging warhead to destroy oncoming threats  by preemptively detonating the projectile.   Our shopping trolley is thus no longer vulnerable  to a multitude of threats you may encounter. The only thing that our shopping  trolley cannot effectively defend   against now are kinetic energy penetrators,  which is why we will mount ATGM launchers on   our shopping trolley to penetrate the enemy  before the enemy penetrates the trolley.   As you may have noticed, the additional weight  of the modifications we have installed on our   shopping trolley has made it impractical  for manual propulsion. We can solve this   problem by mounting a 5.4-litre 12-cylinder  twin-turbocharged petrol engine producing 1,100   brake horsepower at 7,800 rpm and five speed  manual transmission. Thanks to the lightweight  
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construction of shopping trolleys, we can achieve  an optimal power to weight ratio, which gives our   shopping trolley extremely high acceleration  and top speed properties. This enables us to   make flanking maneuvers around the enemy and  also do some sick outside overtakes on turns. We will now test our modifications by placing   our improved shopping trolley  in the same situation again.

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