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00:00
are you dealing with some crazy-making
behavior in the workplace we have all
been there
and there's a good chance that whether
you realize that are not everyone in
this audience as long as you have been
in a work environment has or will
encounter a narcissist at some point in
their professional career
now this isn't meant to scare you but in
work environments narcissism is often
rewarded so whether somebody is NPD
level or not you're going to encounter
00:30
people with highly narcissistic
behaviors at work now not everyone who
succeeds in business is a narcissist not
by far narcissists are still in the
minority thank goodness but in this
video I'm going to explore seven signs
that you're dealing with a narcissist at
work and then we're going to talk about
the differences between having a
narcissistic boss and a narcissistic
co-worker because your life can look a
lot different depending on which you're
dealing with and I have a few tips for
01:02
you to handle it either way for now
let's dive into those seven signs
welcome to the common ego community my
name is Christina and on this channel we
explore emotional abuse its connection
with spirituality and we attempt to
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thing and if you're already subscribed
thank you and welcome back today we're
gonna cover a much requested topic from
you all in this community narcissists in
the workplace so let's go ahead and jump
01:37
right in with the seven signs you're
dealing with a narcissist in the
workplace the first sign is shift
responses and we've talked about this in
another video but in the workplace you
will see it as well a shift response is
when you say something maybe you're
telling a story or sharing an experience
that happened to you or maybe you'll
have an idea that you want to share
right so you're sharing you're talking
if you're talking to an our sisters some
kind of even near a narcissist they will
02:08
shift the conversation to them and
work it could happen when you're talking
about something personal or it could
happen when you're trying to share an
idea that you have so it could be in a
meeting and you're in a meeting with a
narcissist and so you present your idea
and that person chimes in oh yeah that's
great but here's why it's not going to
work and here's my idea very likely
almost always this person is
interrupting you so it's like they're
stepping all over you to get themselves
back in the spotlight another sign that
02:40
you're dealing with a narcissist at work
is name-dropping so if they went to an
Ivy League school oh my goodness you're
gonna hear about it if they have any
credentials that are unique or highly
regarded in your industry you're gonna
hear about those two you're gonna hear
about anything that they think is
special to them and maybe other people
think these things are special too but
there's a limit to the amount of times
that you really want to hear about it
his name dropping can also come up as an
association with somebody who they think
03:11
is special and this you'll see all very
often with a covert narcissist if
they've worked with somebody who is
maybe famous in your industry or just
famous in general or even if they have a
personal relationship with the boss
that's something they're going to bring
up over and over and over again make
themselves feel like they're so much
more special than anyone else around it
also really it's an attempt to make
everyone else around believe that - but
03:42
we know that when somebody really is
great and awesome and confident they
don't do those things they don't scream
about their accomplishments because they
don't have to
so the fourth sign you're dealing with a
narcissist at work is that this person
is going to lack follow-through now
narcissists are very very often
charismatic people so they are going to
be really good at sharing their ideas
and getting people to listen to them and
they're also gonna be good at
04:14
manipulating people so you believe that
something is good even if it's not the
problem is and here's where it all falls
apart regardless of where
narcissist is in the company regardless
of their standing or their position
they're going to expect that other
people are actually going to do the work
to follow through on their idea so even
if this person does manages no one
they managed no one but themselves
they'll have their idea and then when it
doesn't come to fruition and the boss is
04:45
looking at them for answers
they're gonna start pointing fingers to
everyone around them well I did this
part but you know I was just waiting for
this person to do their part this person
didn't do this and that person didn't do
that they're going to shift the blame
all around so it doesn't fall on that so
the fifth sign you're dealing with a
narcissist in the workplace is illegal
or immoral behavior and this is when you
know you're dealing with somebody who is
very highly narcissistic grandiosity is
05:15
a very large part of narcissistic
personality disorder and somebody who
has feelings of grandiosity or
superiority they very often will feel
like they're above the law so these are
the people who are going to do illegal
or immoral things in the workplace and
probably outside of the workplace too
these are the people who are going to
steal customers from the company and
they might be running a side business
and using company resources to
05:47
personally profit they may also be
getting kickbacks from vendors or
suppliers so every time the company
orders from this place the narcissist
gets a kickback number six the sixth
sign that you are dealing with a
narcissist at work is that this person
is very very very sensitive to criticism
now no one likes to be criticized and a
lot of it has to do with the delivery in
the workplace in a professional
06:17
environment you need to be able to
handle constructive criticisms again we
can all be defensive at times so what
we're talking about when we're talking
about identifying narcissists as
patterns of these behaviors so if if you
notice somebody who could never accept
criticism even when it's extremely
gentle and constructive they could never
admit that they've done anything wrong
and are always blame shifting you are
very likely dealing with a narcissist in
06:47
the workplace yeah so did I save the
best for last
maybe this is where the flying monkeys
come in this is passive-aggressive
behavior that you see in the workplace
that is another sign that you're dealing
with a narcissist
it doesn't always show up in the form of
flying monkeys but I've seen it myself
in the workplace and it is not pretty so
passive-aggressive behavior though can
show up in a variety of ways it can be
hostile joking so you're standing with a
group of co-workers maybe you're
07:20
laughing about something and the
narcissist comes over and makes a joke
that insults you and then says haha just
kidding and you're dealing with somebody
who does this consistently you're
probably dealing with some viewers very
highly narcissistic tendencies what
they're trying to do is embarrass you
and reduce your standing in the social
group another example of
passive-aggressive behavior that a
narcissist may display in the workplace
is playing the victim so they're
probably gonna be the ones the one
pushing your buttons but then they're
07:51
gonna be the victim when yeah we should
all be conscious of our reactions we
should all try to control our reactions
and remain completely professional in
the workplace and if you don't that's
certainly something that you have to own
but if you notice that somebody is
constantly triggering you regardless of
how you react you're probably dealing
with a narcissist okay so now for those
flying monkeys so I worked with someone
a few years ago and she had gotten her
friend a job at the same company
and it wasn't long before this friend
08:23
turned everyone against the front who
had recommended her for this very job
and it started out very much as just a
tense situation you could tell that
there was tension you could tell that
there was a lot of gossip ended up in
full-on adult bullying to the point
where this person was crying at work and
there is a happy ending
but that happy ending involved her
leaving this toxic environment this
flying monkey situation can be so so
08:54
toxic in the work environment
because unlike when it happens
personally what happens personally a lot
of times you can walk away you can cut
contact with the people who are the
flying monkeys of the narcissist but
when it happens at work you still have
to show up to work every day so this
this can affect you on so many levels
it can affect you physically it can
affect the stress can affect your
physical health it can affect you
09:26
certainly emotionally and spiritually
when you're dealing with a narcissist at
work it's a very very toxic work
environment that brings me to the
discussion about having a narcissistic
boss versus a narcissistic co-worker so
the example I just shared that I was
talking about a co-worker this person
was not managing anyone but yet this
person was able to create such havoc in
09:56
the workplace for another person you
might be tempted to think if you haven't
been through it that it's worse to have
a narcissistic boss but it can still be
incredibly damaging to have a
narcissistic co-worker that stuff still
comes home with you and it creates
stress and when you have somebody who's
making it their mission to make you look
bad in front of the boss it can affect
your career I don't really want to say
that one is better than the other for
sure but the reason why I lean towards
10:26
it's worse having a narcissistic boss is
because what happens in that situation
is that it's not limited to just the
boss when you're in an environment
that's run by a narcissist you're going
to see dysfunction throughout your
organization so what happens in cases
like these usually is that you have the
narcissistic boss and then you have
lower-level narcissists throughout the
organization
and other emotionally unhealthy people
10:59
when there's a narcissistic boss the
environment is so toxic and you're gonna
see all of the usual players that you
see around a narcissist but because the
narcissistic boss has so many people to
play with in this situation the players
are going to change roles you're going
to see there's gonna be a golden child
and that golden child may stay that way
for a long time but nobody can stay on
top forever right especially when you
11:29
have so many people in the work
environment trying to be the golden
child trying to be the person who gets
all the praise from the boss so you'll
have the golden child but the golden
child will fall out of favor and
sometimes even become the scapegoat
there's always escape and that person
changes often because the scapegoat
doesn't always last long especially when
narcissists in the workplace rally
against this person because in the
12:00
workplace once somebody is assigned the
role of the scapegoat by someone high up
it becomes easy for other people to save
themselves by throwing that person under
the bus and of course that's where
flying monkeys come in these people are
probably not very emotionally healthy
themselves and they recognize that if
it's not somebody else it's gonna beat
them so they go ahead and they pile on
top of the person who's fallen out of
12:30
favor for that moment it's not them and
they can be thankful for that and they
can take a breath they can breathe these
environments are just so so toxic that
no matter who you are even if you're the
golden child for the moment you know
that things could change like that you
just know it because you've been around
long enough to see the changes taking
place and all of the toxicity unfolding
so another player in the toxic workplace
when there's a narcissistic boss is the
13:02
codependent
person and it doesn't necessarily mean
that this
person would be codependent in every
area of their lives but let's say they
feel dependent on this job for whatever
reason it's closer to home than any
other job that I can get making this
much money or there's more opportunities
here than I would get over at this other
place so I'm just gonna put in my time
I'm just gonna put up with it I'm just
going to endure this for as long as I
13:33
can so I can get all of these benefits
out of this job that I wouldn't get
somewhere else maybe somebody is in a
place where they're just so so
financially strapped that they don't
want to risk looking for another job
they just want to go in get their
paycheck and go home there are a lot of
reasons why you can be dependent on a
job and put up with this toxic
environment ok so what do you do when
you're in it how do you handle a toxic
workplace where there are narcissists
maybe it's your boss
14:03
maybe it's your co-worker but you're
they're making your life miserable so
the most obvious thing to do is just
start looking for another job and I know
that this is not always the easiest
decision I know it's not but when you're
thinking about it when you're
considering it try thinking more about
your health and well-being then whatever
the benefits you are getting from
working at this place what if you were
to take a lower paying job somewhere
else how much would the pay cut be think
14:34
about what that's worth to you for your
own emotional physical spiritual health
and and for your own sanity to go to a
place that doesn't make you wake up in
the middle of the night worrying about
what's gonna happen next
think about it consider all the factors
I'm sure you already have but do
understand that that stress prolonged
stress can have a physical impact on you
and that might be what you're trading
15:05
you might end up treating your physical
health for this job so so seriously
seriously consider it now if you decide
you have to stay or you know maybe
you're going to leave but there's a
transition
you know it's not always wise to just up
and leave any job the same rules
basically apply in the workplace as they
do for dealing with narcissus outside of
the workplace first there's no contact
and no contact is very very difficult
when you work with somebody but if you
15:36
can get away with not talking to this
person who clearly is a narcissist if
you can get away with that do it and I'm
not talking about being rude if you see
this person in the hallway go ahead and
say hi but you don't have to engage once
you say hi go ahead and walk the other
way again there are very few times when
that is actually going to apply in the
workplace most of the time we have to
interact with these narcissists the next
technique is great rock and gray rock
works very well in personal situations
16:07
and it can also work in the workplace
but you're gonna find that you're gonna
be able to employ different levels of it
based on who the narcissist is in your
workplace and how much interaction you
really need to have with them so for
example if the narcissist is your boss
you're only going to be able to sway
conversations so much but what you can
do if it's your boss or not is you can
use a reverse shift response so instead
of shifting the conversation to yourself
you're always practicing shifting it
away from yourself so let's just say
16:38
your boss asks you a personal question
something you know what did you do over
the weekend you answer it quickly give a
brief answer and then oh ship it back to
them what didn't you do over the weekend
and as I talk ask some questions and try
to shift the conversation back to work
they'll feel like they had this personal
conversation with you but you will not
have shared a whole lot of personal
information about yourself and when it
comes to work conversations also be
careful of oversharing before you say
17:09
anything think about whether what you're
about to say is necessary and whether it
will benefit you or if it could be used
against you so when unfortunately when
you're dealing with a narcissist you
kind of always have to be one step ahead
you have to think about how the
information you're sharing is going to
be used and if you're questioning it is
probably a good idea
to keep it to yourself just for the
moment the next thing that's super
important if you're dealing with a
narcissist in the workplace is to
protect yourself cya
17:40
applies very much to dealing with
narcissists in the workplace so this
might mean printing out emails with this
person
maybe you print out every email or just
the important ones just keep a file
because especially if this person is
your boss anything that's on that public
server you don't own so it can be gone
tomorrow if you want to cover yourself
if you really want to cover yourself go
ahead and keep records of everything
that happens
having records can help you if you have
18:12
to talk to the boss about a narcissistic
co-worker
or if you have to go to HR you can go to
HR and say well he said this and she did
she said that but I said this but he
said she said we all know it doesn't
carry that much weight but if you have
evidence of inappropriate behavior or if
somebody stealing your ideas that's a
different story
and it can help even if it's your boss
try to document as much as you can but
if it is your boss and you're getting to
that point where you want to go to HR at
18:44
this point it's really really a good
time to reconsider this job you still
want to document everything in case
things escalate after you leave this job
but if you're getting to the point where
this narcissistic boss is pushing you to
to seek further action it's time to
start looking if you liked this video
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