8 Tactics Narcissists Use To "Train" You To Comply

8 Tactics Narcissists Use To "Train" You To Comply

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[Music] you ever think of yourself as being someone who's been trained to think and behave and respond in the ways that you do if you have an ongoing relationship with a narcissist and i hate to use that word relationship because that's a really rich word and it's not really a relationship but anyway if you are engaging with a narcissist in an ongoing way they're trying to train you to be a
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certain way they're trying to train you to meet their needs in a particular kind of fashion let's understand that a defining feature of narcissism is manipulation they're out there trying to manipulate you in whatever way they can so that they can maintain the control position and feed that self-absorbed ego that they bring to the equation and basically there they approach you with the thought that says i have my needs and it's your job to comply with me
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and they don't have a real strong sense of reciprocity they may at times let you think or feel that they're willing to compromise with you or concede or go with the flow with you but ultimately what they do with you tends to be little more than a manipulative ploy now i know it can sound rather cynical to say that that's the way they are but that's part of narcissism they lack that empathy and if there's this all about me kind of mentality and
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and as a result these are individuals that are highly predictable they're they're very co-dependent they would never say that to save their life but when i say codependently their mood is directly tied to what you give them and they want you to play your role so that they can go away feeling okay and superior and all the rest now as long as they have this kind of manipulative mindset toward you there are certain predictable tactics that they tend to use to keep you in line and to keep you giving them the supply that they need so
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let's let's go through eight of what i would consider to be some of the most common tactics they use it's not an exhaustive list but at least it can give you an idea of how this could work for example uh number one as they try to manipulate you into their schemes they can use the buddy tactic it's like it's like you know you and i let's be pals and then i want to be your friend and i want to make sure that you know that i think well of you so they may sometimes do favors for you or pay
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compliments or seemingly give some concessions and act in a very serving or kind way toward you but unfortunately what seems to be good on the surface actually has its hidden agenda behind the surface because it's a ruse and again i know it can sound a bit cynical but in the long run narcissists are after that control and the buddy technique can be a part of their way of trying to pull you into their uh to their orbit a second tactic that they can use
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and that is they can use what uh they can offer you what i would call intellectual empathy which is not the same as true empathy in the classic sense of the word the the intellectual empathy may be something like well i know that this is very important to you or i see that this is something that that really bothers you so let's take a look at that and intellectually they can say okay this is something that i see on the inside of you but true empathy is wanting to know you from your vantage point so that that
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individual can get in there and experience life with you and have kind of an arm around the shoulder if you will narcissists will use a phony intellectual empathy and they want you to conclude wow what a really nice person you seem to really know me and yet it it's it's empty and and sometimes they'll even use what i call empty promises it's like well you know as long as we understand what's going on then things things are going to be good a third tactic that narcissists can
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commonly use is they can go into the now you owe me mentality sometimes they can be pleasant and friendly up front they can seemingly be into you but then over time it's like hey look i've tried really hard to be fair with you and i'm not really feeling a whole lot of cooperation back from you come on we're going to have to get with the program here and so you've got to show me something good and so they start calling in their chips and they want you
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to think well you know i don't want to be selfish and i don't want to seem like i'm ungrateful and in doing so they're trying to pull you in that's part of their manipulation let's talk about what you owe me and uh you know after all the nice things i've done for you surely you can give me something in reverse then a fourth tactic they can often use is they'll appeal to both loyalty and then guilt and when i say the loyalty and guilt it's like i thought we were going to be on the same team here and if you want to be on
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my team if you want to be connected with me there's just a certain thing you're going to have to come up with and uh you know in fact i'm kind of disappointed in you that you're not um grateful and you're not doing the things that that i would think somebody in your position would do and what they're wanting to do is they're wanting to add a certain subjective emotional kind of response from the inside of you where you think well i guess i am obliged and they want to eliminate logic and they want to appeal to
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false emotions false guilt for example then they can continue on and a fifth tactic they can use is words of incredulity it's like seriously where did you come up with this with those kind of ideas that you have and why are you doing the things that you do and they can become persuasive and insistent in the way that they reason with you it's like you have got to let go of your crazy way of thinking uh maybe i've heard a few too many of those things i can get caught up in it but
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they want you to think that you're just some sort of a gullible person or a non-reasonable kind of an individual so if they more or less give the impression i can't even believe that you are the kind of person that you are then of course what they want you to do is stand down and then come along into their schemes sixth what they then what they can do is they can start going into the invalidation mode you don't know what you're talking about do you or that's not what i said or that's not what i meant or you don't know anything or you
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got your facts wrong or if you do this then again you're just gonna prove how you just don't know how to do things do you and so they'll whittle away at your sense of well-being and your sense of dignity uh implying you know i used to have a good opinion of you but i'm beginning to waver now i don't i don't think there's you bring a whole lot to the equation which is why you need me and that's part of their manipulative scheme number seven then they can start going into the use of threats
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it's it's kind of like uh if you don't do what i want you to do you're going to you're going to pay this is not going to be good for you and and they may point blank say it out loud or they may imply it through the use of the silent treatment or stonewalling it's like i am so going to make your life miserable if you don't go along with what i want you to do and then finally after a while it's like the awkwardness and the uncomfortable feelings that come along are so strong and it's like okay okay i'll give in
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which is what they're wanting you to do and then finally an eighth tactic and i strongly suspect many of you have been up against this they can go straight into their anger mode with lots of criticism or harshness or insults name calling rages and things of that nature where it's like man they get so loud and so obnoxious uh that you don't know what to do and so they want to be so intimidating and so overbearing that finally it's like it is not worth it for me to move forward with my preferences
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i'll go out and go along to get along and so the net result of all of these different manipulative tactics is you might stand down it's like you'll capitulate and you'll comply and that's what narcissists want you to do so when they use these kind of tactics they're trying to train you to say you know just drop it and go along with what they want by the way you know i have a book that's called when pleasing you is killing me and it's that it's uh that book is built on the
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premise here uh you know ultimately it's killing me to try to keep you apiece but that's the that's the way they want to do that's the dance they want you to get into and as a result they're going to hope that you will buy into the notion that says theirs is the only opinion in the room that matters just be quiet go along with what they want you to do everything's gonna be okay and then ultimately what they're saying is it's really not okay for you to be you
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but wait a minute it really is okay for you to be you regardless of what they proclaim not only is it okay it's reasonable it's necessary for you to be you i operate on the assumption i'm not very good trying to be somebody that i'm not it's it's okay it's reasonable for you to feel as you feel or to have the the distinct interpretations that you have it's okay for you to act upon your preferences it's okay to disagree in
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fact sometimes you need to say no and that can be a necessary kind of thing it's okay to move into the direction of your own choosing and it's okay for you to uh to operate without having to give unnecessary defense it's okay for you to say i'm sticking with my own plans now if you do so it's like the narcissist is going back through their training book saying uh that response isn't in my training book and that's right right i'm not someone that i want you to train i don't need to be trained i'm willing to
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be open to input but i'm no barking seal at the circus that's just going to do what you tell me to do and then maybe you'll give me a treat the bottom line is these manipulative codependent narcissists want to be the superior and they want you to be in the subordinate position and so yeah if they want to bring you into that kind of thinking you know my response to that is i'm more than happy to be cooperative as long as there's mutual respect and mutual regard but in
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the absence of that we're going to have to have a very minimal relationship if any at all i'm not going to go into this kind of training mode where i have to let go of me in order to keep your codependency intact nope i'm not playing that game i do hope that you get good insight and awareness from videos such as this if you've not already done so i would encourage you to go beneath the video and hit that subscribe button we also have an email list that will
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allow you to have uh special benefits from some of our offerings and and uh and extra articles and things like that so if you'd like to sign up for our email list i would encourage you to do that if you have a need for counseling uh if you have someone in your area i would encourage you to seek out the counseling that would help you sift these kinds of things out and if you don't have that in the immediate area then we vetted a group that's now our sponsor that can help you with online counseling we have a link below that will take you to that we've received good feedback from that so practice
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self-care in addition i would encourage you to look into my uh free to be workshop it's all about how to respond to the controllers in your life we have a link below to that as well as links to our books and other video workshops and things of that nature we've mapped some coffee mugs narcissists want to train you that's part of their manipulative ploy but the good news is you don't have to be trained you want to have an inside out kind of mindset that says i'm going to consult my own good ideas of who i'm
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going to be i'm always open to input but at the end of the day i need to be true to my real self and that being the case i'm hoping that you can live with a sense of steadiness and confidence and that will allow you to claim your place of peace [Music]

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