Covert Narcissism & Brain Trauma Cptsd - Hidden Manipulation

Covert Narcissism & Brain Trauma Cptsd - Hidden Manipulation

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00:00
hello thrivers welcome back if you're trying to overcome complex ptsd narcissistic abuse or codependency you're in the right place and today i really wanted to talk about how covert narcissism leads to complex ptsd how it causes your brain to go through trauma so with that in mind let's get started i wanted to make the connection between covert narcissism and cptsd because people understand ptsd right they
00:32
understand if something huge and traumatic happens in your life even just one event it can really affect you it could be that maybe experienced a horrible car accident maybe you were attacked maybe you were at war maybe you experienced someone dying traumatically honestly the the amounts of different kinds of trauma that cause ptsd the list can be extremely long but you get the idea something huge happens and it traumatizes your brain
01:03
to the point when we say ptsd what's happening is when somebody has ptsd and they're triggered they are actually reliving the trauma it could be years after the trauma occurred it could be months after the trauma occurred it could be decades afterwards but the brain has been rewired to the point that it's almost like the past has just shown up on your doorstep and you're reliving it over again
01:33
people understand that complex ptsd is different in the sense that it doesn't have to be one huge event in order to wind up with complex ptsd you can undergo chronic stress prolonged stress in a situation where you feel helpless for example it could be a child being raised in a dysfunctional family right they're experiencing chronic stress and yet they have to stay their life depends on
02:06
their parents taking care of them if those parents are causing them trauma at the same time and so they're helpless well that child can grow up with cptsd it can also happen in prolonged chronically abusive psychologically abusive relationships as well where an adult feels trapped in a relationship that is chronically and psychologically abusive but what about covert narcissism which is covert being hidden
02:38
the abuse flies under the radar there are no broken bones there are no bruises there are no slaps there are no loud emotional aggressions well some people might think well that's not abuse you know that's nothing that's not a big deal how could something like that lead to complex ptsd i liken narcissistic abuse to chinese water torture and i did a video
03:11
on this about three years ago i'm not sure if it's still up but anyway you think of chinese water torture which was around in i guess or invented in the 16th century where they would just use a drop of water to drive a person to insanity so think about it a drop of water imagine telling somebody i'm so scared i have ptsd from a drop of water people are going to look at you like you're crazy they're not going to understand it but
03:40
it wasn't just a drop of water it was a drop of water that was consistently dripping on a part of your forehead with the person being restrained so there was a sense of helplessness and inability to remove themselves from the situation and what they also learned about chinese water torture is that if it stayed consistent like the drop was just consistently dropping at the same time over and over that your brain could actually kind of tune it out
04:12
because it could predict it it knew when it was coming and so what they realized was that when they made it inconsistent so you never knew when it was going to start how long it was going to be when it was going to stop you never knew when to expect it well they realized that that inconsistency caused people to go into a psychotic break within 20 hours a drop of inconsistent water something that small something that seemingly insignificant covert narcissism can seem like that it can seem like
04:44
something very small something insignificant and yet the the inconsistency of it the chronic relentlessness of it can cause somebody to psychologically break down for example you think of the silent treatment the silent treatment no one's screaming no one's yelling no one's pushing no one's getting aggressive no one's raising their voice no one's insulting it seems like a drop of water something so small
05:14
but they're very inconsistent with their silent treatment you never know what's going to provoke their rage and in turn punishment and just when you start to think you figure it out the rules change so you never know when to expect it and it can cause somebody to feel it can cause somebody to break down psychologically because you feel like you are the living dead you're living you're alive but you're being treated as if you're dead you're non-existent that's just one covert manipulation you
05:44
think of another one the double bind the double bind is when no matter what you do you're criticized so if you're on your way home from work right and you get home and your partner yells at you because you didn't stop for milk so now they're upset with you because you didn't do that the next day you stop for milk right and now they're mad at you for not coming straight home it's almost like nothing you do is safe nothing you do brings about a positive in your life
06:15
so that double bind that can be psychologically damaging for somebody when it's done chronically now i'm not going to go into all of the covert ways they manipulate but just imagine living with covert manipulation day after day year after year well it's going to cause trauma in the brain and that's what's go and that's why covert narcissism goes hand in hand with complex ptsd so you think about somebody that has ptsd right when they're triggered they are
06:47
reliving the experience well it's the same thing with somebody that has experienced covert narcissism even if they leave the relationship right whether it's their parents toxic family members friends a work environment or a significant other even if they leave that relationship if they don't help their brain to rewire right because the brain rewires because of trauma so now we have to help it to get back to a healthy state
07:16
and so if somebody leaves the relationship but they haven't done that rewiring work they can get triggered and what happens is they're reliving what they lived with the toxic person over and over again and the sad thing is is that some of the things that trigger a person the most can be other family members their children friends or personalities they may go into a new work situation
07:47
and that someone in their work environment reminds them of the person that was hurting them in the past and now they're being triggered and that's an awful place to be because when you are being triggered first of all you're going to act out your feelings whatever your trauma response is it's going to cause you to act out whatever you're feeling so there's not the emotional regulation that you need and on top of it you're reliving what happened in the past not a good place to be so i wanted to help you to understand that
08:19
connection between cptsd and covert or hidden narcissism because when people have been through covert narcissism right and again maybe they're out of the relationship they know something's wrong with them they can feel it they know they're not still who they used to be but if they don't understand why or if they don't understand what might be happening which is complex ptsd if they don't understand that then it's scary
08:50
it's scary to know there's something wrong with you and not have the answers it's kind of like going to the doctor because you know there's something wrong and they're running all of these tests and no one can help you to find the root cause of why you're feeling what you're feeling well it can be that way with covert narcissism right you're trying to find out why you're feeling and acting and behaving and thinking the way you are you're you may be asking therapists you may be talking to other people but if
09:20
they don't understand cptsd then they don't know why especially if you try to explain to them oh um you know my ex ignored me for long periods of time that would be like saying oh i was tortured with one drop of water like people are going to look at you like you're not making sense so that's why i want to clarify it here because just because it's hidden abuse just because it's not the obvious forms of abuse does not mean that it is not causing
09:50
trauma in your brain and the thing with trauma is trauma doesn't just go away you have to do things to help yourself to work through that trauma with that in mind if anyone is struggling and feels like they've recognized that they're battling complex ptsd that they're still suffering from narcissistic abuse and they're watching video after video and not getting to where you want to go make sure you check out the thriver school of transformation which i'm going to leave a link to in the description box below we meet weekly
10:21
it's live and we work together in a safe community to really break through the side effects of narcissistic abuse complex ptsd and codependency so make sure you check it out

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