Ellen Has Had It with Glitter

Ellen Has Had It with Glitter

SUBTITLE'S INFO:

Language: English

Type: Human

Number of phrases: 146

Number of words: 791

Number of symbols: 3606

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Subtitles prepared by human
00:00
I don't want to alarm anybody, but we had an incident of an outbreak in the studio. There was a glitter outbreak. [LAUGHTER] It was everywhere. I don't want to name names, but it was Gwen Stefani. [LAUGHTER] Here she is. Now, look. She looks beautiful. She's beautiful, right? [APPLAUSE] From a distance, she looked beautiful. [LAUGHTER] Like a sparkly angel is what she looked like. But seriously, and I'm not kidding. So there's a commercial break, and then we get ready for the next guest. This is the footage of us cleaning up after she left. This is what had to happen. [LAUGHTER] We had to vacuum, we had to wipe the chair down, we had to pick up. There was glitter all over the place. The chair, the floor, all behind it. I don't know how it got behind her, it just-- [LAUGHTER] So look, and I know people like glitter. Obviously, there are people out there that like glitter. I don't understand it.
01:00
It gets everywhere. I've said it before, it has the word litter right in the name. [LAUGHTER] I don't want it on me. I don't want it near me. This time of year, they put glitter on everything. I want to show you some products to try to avoid if you're like me, and you don't want glitter. And because if you're in contact with someone who has glitter, then you now have glitter. So I've come up with a safe way to show you what you should try to avoid. Please bring it out. [LAUGHTER] Dave, thank you so much. All right, what I have here-- [LAUGHTER] These are containment boxes, and they're what scientists use to handle infectious diseases. [LAUGHTER] So this to me is just as serious. OK, this is wrapping paper. I don't know if you can see this, but this right here is wrapping paper. Glitter, what could be worse? OK, when you wrap a present in this stuff, first of all, you get it on your hands, right? And then you got to lay it on the floor to wrap the gift.
02:02
So now the floor has glitter on it. Then you got to touch the Scotch tape, the scissors, all the presents, they're ruined. [LAUGHTER] Then the person that you give it to has to take it to their house, and now they're messed up for life, their entire life. [LAUGHTER] OK. So I can't even believe someone makes glitter wrapping paper. Look at this. This is the next offender. [LAUGHTER] Glitter ornaments, glitter ornaments. Now, on a tree-- and again, they're like Gwen Stefani. From a distance, beautiful. [LAUGHTER] But I walk in, and I see glitter ornaments, I grab Portia's hand, we turn right around, and we leave. [LAUGHTER] Second most dangerous decoration right behind asbestos snow, I believe. [LAUGHTER] All right, next we have the next offender. And that is Christmas cards. OK, this is a great way to say, happy holidays. Here's a mess.
03:02
You clean it up now. [LAUGHTER] I always tell everybody, be kind to one another. One way to do that is not send glitter cards, because it's a surprise. You don't know until you open it. Oh, how sweet, the Johnson's sent me a card. And then you open it up, ah, it's on my hands! [LAUGHTER] My life is ruined. Then-- [LAUGHTER] Then we have this right here. These are some difficult gloves. I don't know how the scientists do it. So this is a glitter sweater. Look at this. [LAUGHTER] It's a glitter sweater. Someone is wearing a glitter sweater, they bump into you. Now you're wearing a glitter sweater, too. [LAUGHTER] Let me indicate what I'm talking about. Here's someone with a nice black sweater. They go out for the night and they're all dressed up. They look in the mirror, oh, I look good. And then they're like, hey, how are you? I love you, I haven't seen you in a long time. [LAUGHTER] Where have you been? God, you look so great. And then you're like, oh my god, look at my sweater. [LAUGHTER]
04:04
By the way, I sent an intern out to buy these products, and I had to send them home early to shower to get the glitter off. What is that noise? Oh my god, the box is leaking. We have a glitter leak. [ALARMS] Get this out of here! Get this out of here! We have a glitter leak! Get it out! [ALARMS] [LAUGHTER] Well, I-- [APPLAUSE] Our prop department could only afford one of those fake hazmat suits. [LAUGHTER] That's why it took so long to get it out of here.

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