Why Narcissists Love to Warp Your Self Image & How to Stop Caring What They Think of You

Why Narcissists Love to Warp Your Self Image & How to Stop Caring What They Think of You

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00:00
hello friends so this month in the school of transformation we're talking about how narcissists kind of shape and mold your self-image to be so negative they want you to view yourself in such a negative limiting way right and some of the core wounds that they inflict that cause you to view yourself that way are the wounds that i am not enough i'm unworthy i'm not lovable nothing i do is right there's something wrong with me and so we're talking about
00:31
this right we're talking about how to upgrade your self-image because if you don't you can be out of the relationship with narcissists and your self-image is kind of like the autopilot on a plane once it's programmed it's just designed to you know make that your reality so we're talking about this and somebody asked in the in the chat box why do they do that why would a narcissist a narcissistic parent or a narcissistic spouse why would they want you
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to think so poorly of yourself why do they want you to have such a negative ugly self image and i remember one time one of my clients told me she was like yeah and he was telling me how awful i was and i turned around and i was like then why did you want to be with me you you want to be with me and yet this is who you're saying i am so it doesn't make sense it's almost like they want to be with you but they also want you to have a really horrible self-image why the reality is is it has less to do
01:34
with you and more to do with them okay narcissists act like they have a healthy self-image of themselves and when i talk to people and i tell them that they don't a lot of times some some of my clients will be like michelle but he or she acts like they really have all this confidence and and they really see themselves in such a positive light but isn't it true that the most confident people i'm not talking about arrogant i'm talking about people that just
02:03
really believe in themselves and have that self-confidence and self-love they don't have to go around smearing other people they don't have to insult or talk bad about other people in order to feel good because they fuel themselves from within narcissists don't do that they do not fuel themselves from within in order for a narcissist to feel good about himself or herself it has to be at the expense of someone
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else or because they've smeared somebody else and they're constantly measuring where they are in comparison to other people in other words for a narcissist to feel good about himself or herself in the relationship they have to feel better than you now this is a little confusing because then people are like well then why don't they just pick somebody that's worthless because they don't do that okay they do not pick worthless people
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i say all the time that narcissists have good taste right the people that i've had the privilege of working with are some of the most amazing people i've ever gotten to meet people that have been through narcissistic abuse whether in childhood or with a significant other or sadly both so again this goes back to how they view themselves to pick somebody worthless that doesn't do anything for them because what are they going to get from that person nothing because that person has nothing to offer and a narcissist basically is kind of
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like a leech like a parasite they pick someone of value but they want you to see yourself in a bad light for two reasons one so they can feel better but also because they need somebody to carry how they see themselves when a narcissist feels shame instead of working through their shame or even acknowledging that the shame exists within their body they fling it at the other person they provoke that other person to feel shame and they're like
04:08
oh see i'm not feeling shame here she is i feel better and so they need somebody to carry all of the ugly in them that they don't want to acknowledge that they have and you know if you're wondering if this is true that the fact that they you know need to feel or see you in a negative light in order to feel better about themselves think about it in the relationship if you are in a relationship with somebody that's narcissistic did you ever feel like you were
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um co-creators in the relationship or did it feel more like you were competitors like there was some kind of weird competition that you didn't really want to be a part of but you were constantly faced with and that's because they are always competing they need somebody to constantly measure themselves up against that being said that being said if this is resonating and you're like oh my goodness like this is exactly what's going on in my
05:12
relationship or it's what has gone on in my family relationships or um with a significant other a mistake that a lot of people fall into after they they see this and they start acknowledging the fact that you know that the narcissist is is doing this they then fall into the trap of trying to convince the narcissist of who they really are and that's because that's because if you've been raised especially if you've been raised with a
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narcissistic parent they've made you feel like you're not allowed to have your reality unless they agree with you right there's always been only one perspective and that's theirs and they want you to think that you can only see yourself in a positive light if they see you that way as well and you'll know you're in this you're stuck in this if you are constantly trying to to explain over explain to the narcissist trying to point out the
06:15
reality trying to point out the truth meanwhile they're just constantly denying the reality okay that can be like a never-ending loop if you are waiting for the narcissist to see who you really are so that you can give yourself permission to be you you're setting yourself up for failure okay the real way to reshape your self-image and to see yourself as you really are is to start
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valuing your perspective it's to start learning to see life through your eyes even if the narcissist in your life disagrees with you in other words they've taught you that there's only one perspective but you have to teach yourself that there are two and that means if the narcissist says something to you like you know you're such a selfish person because maybe you actually were taking care of one of your needs right and they want you to think that you have to revolve 24 7 around them so they
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say something that they know will hurt you because you don't want to be a selfish person right so they'll say oh you're so selfish doing that if you find yourself trying to convince them that you're not selfish because you know you actually have to eat it's been a long time and food is like necessary for life that's just an exaggerated example if you find yourself defending yourself then you are not trusting your perspective okay now we would explain in a healthy relationship to somebody but we have to
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understand this is not a healthy relationship narcissists do not see your perspective so when you're trying to overexplain who you really are you are giving energy you feel depleted and they feel as if they've just refueled so the way to handle that when you respect that there are two perspectives is to say you're allowed to think that i'm good i'm happy with what i'm doing thanks for sharing how you feel about this but
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you know i feel good and you stay in your perspective even if they disagree the more you strengthen your perspective the more you listen to yourself the more you will start reconnecting to you okay because narcissistic abuse causes you to chase their understanding trying to connect with them it's exhausting but the more you try to connect with them the more you're abandoning yourself because your inner self is wanting and
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needing things and you're totally you know ignoring that trying to get through to somebody that just doesn't want to hear you so when you see yourself in that pattern okay once you understand that narcissists don't want to see your value you are a valuable person but they don't want to see it because in their twisted prism of reality by seeing your value they think they're lowering themselves so they will never see your value they will never let you know they see your
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value but some ways that it slips through is the fact that they often imitate you the things you once cared about they care about things that qualities that you had they suddenly have now it doesn't seem um authentic it almost seems like they're faking it which they are they're imitating you but those are the ways that that they inadvertently let you know how valuable you are without telling you that you're valuable
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regardless regardless of whether they inadvertently do that or not you can start seeing your value you can start seeing your perspective and living in harmony with it and you will start feeling empowered even if the other person never changes even if they stay negative and seeing life horribly doesn't mean that you have to suffer because that's how they choose to see you that's a perspective that's not reality you can start seeing yourself as you
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really are and if you need help and you're struggling and you just feel like it's too hard and it's a losing battle join us in the thyroid school of transformation because this month that's what we're talking about we're deconstructing the self-image that narcissists try to mold and force you to stay in and we're really learning reprogramming tools to help strengthen the authentic self so that you can live life as you really are

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