8 Unspoken Narcissistic Rules You Can Refuse To Follow

8 Unspoken Narcissistic Rules You Can Refuse To Follow

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00:00
we've received quite a bit of interest in my free to be workshop so to that effect beneath this video is a link that will give you a description for the workshop and we've also included a special discount so if that's something you would be interested in i would invite you to click that link and i hope that you would find the course to be quite beneficial
00:34
fairly early on in your relationship with a narcissist you begin realizing this person has a very strong unbending agenda for you their goal is to make you live and think and prioritize just as they do and if you don't do that if you don't fall in line and stay inside their grooves you're going to be vilified if you contradict them they're going to scorch you and all of this is because they have constructed their own sense of false or
01:05
alternate reality in their minds it's like well there's a certain way things need to be in this world and don't you know what happens to all coincide with me they have a real strong need to be in control they have a very entitled approach towards people and events and circumstances they must be superior they don't have any empathy for you because it's all about them and as a result as you engage with them you're going to realize that there's just certain unspoken narcissistic rules that they want you to comply with but i have news
01:36
for you and news for them and that is you don't have to comply but first before we can get to that place you need to know what some of their rules are so i want to go through some of the most common unspoken rules that narcissists have and then we're going to see if we can figure out how uh how you're going to go along with that okay now one of the first unspoken rules that they have and that is every time we differ every time that you don't have the same kind of opinion as me in the narcissist mind they're thinking
02:07
you owe me an explanation now notice the emphasis there rather than thinking we differ why don't we talk why don't we put it out there on the table you share your thoughts and i'll share your mind they don't think like that because they don't think like an empathizer and they don't think in terms of give and take it's all about me they just want to tell and and you better uh listen and so if you don't if you're not listening correctly you owe me an explanation what if you though decided well actually
02:39
i refuse to go along with that rule i don't owe you an explanation i'm willing to talk with you about my thinking and my reasoning but now when i make decisions and particularly when my decision stands up quite nicely on its own i'm just going to more or less stand on the notion that says i make sense and if i don't make sense to you that's not my problem to solve i refuse to go along with that rule or how about a second rule that they have and that is uh in their mind they're
03:10
thinking well you're supposed to be intimidated by me now they can come on in a real strong and overpowering and loud and sometimes raging and forceful kind of way of doing things they may want to try to punish you they're they can be bullies they can be annoyed what if you were to decide you know this intimidation factor and i know that these individuals are into power that's not something that i go along with um i i feel agitated by you
03:42
i feel uncomfortable in your presence but you know i don't feel like i have to go along with that rule either if you think that i'm just supposed to cower and shake in my boots every time you come around i don't think i'm going to follow that rule either you can shout and scream all you want all that's going to do is get you a sore throat i'm not going to go along with that rule either i i'm not intimidated by you because i trust who i am or how about how about a third rule that narcissists commonly have
04:13
and that rule says i have to be right and so by default that means you're supposed to take the wrong position i'm right you're wrong well you know when we think about things there's so many issues particularly in relationships that are more nuanced than that narcissists are heavy black and white thinkers all or nothing me versus you but what if you were to decide you know i don't have to be right nor do i have to be wrong what i want to be is true to what i believe and if you
04:45
feel like you have to be right okay that's your call to make i don't have to agree with you and it doesn't match my understanding of things but if that's what you declare that's uh that's on you i refuse to go along with that rule too i'm not going to take the position of the flunky if that's what you're expecting of me how about a fourth rule that they have now the narcissist may say well why don't you just go ahead and admit how dumb you really are and then you and i
05:17
are going to get along just fine or they can have all sorts of other adjectives how stupid you are or how unenlightened you are or how misguided you are whatever their adjective is just admit it and we'll get along just fine what if you were to take the approach that says now i'm going to refuse to go along with that unwritten world too um i'm not that dumb i mean i'll acknowledge when i make mistakes or i miscalculate but i'm also the kind of person that knows how to make corrections
05:47
i'm able to uh to think on my own two feet and i i actually use good reasoning i'm quite willing to talk with you about our differences like adults but i don't know that that this rule is grounded in adult thinking that being the case i refuse to go along with that one as well or perhaps a fifth rule that we could identify and that is the narcissist may say it's your job to cater to my moods you ever notice how moody narcissists are and somehow or another
06:19
uh you're the one who's supposed to be responsible for keeping all of that afloat in the in a right kind of direction they can be anxious so they can be tense and they can be angry and they can be you know also frustrated in all sorts of different ways and so the implication is and it's your responsibility to make me not feel that way act right and then i'll quit feeling this way well what if you were to say that's a rule i'm not going to go with either it's your job to monitor your moods i've got enough to monitor my moods particularly when i'm
06:50
hanging out with you um your moves are way too erratic for me to try to un uh or disentangle from your moods are way too irrational i don't feel like i have to take responsibility for you so when you come at me with all of your emotional turmoil i'm just going to let you flail but i'm not going to engage with that i don't feel the need to get involved in all sorts of non-productive problem-solving issues that i know are going to get us absolutely nowhere would that be a
07:21
little bit different for you how about a sixth rule that they have and that is the narcissist may say okay even when you're frustrated with me when you and i are in public it's your job to make me look good so when you're out there whether it's in a work setting or social or with the extended family wherever it might be uh the narcissist is thinking um uh my my friend over here has all sorts of nice things to say about me
07:51
and uh and they want you to regale them they want you to to bring up some of their nice positive qualities what if you were to think though actually it's not my job to make you look good in public it's your job to make yourself look good in public be what you are let people come up with their own um beliefs or their own opinions of who you are it's not my job to prop you up we have a word for that it's called enabling or basically they're asking you to be their
08:22
flying monkey or their narcissistic supply that you're supposed to somehow or another make them feel a whole lot better because of your presence and it's like no that's another real i'm just not going to go along with that one either or how about a seventh rule that they may have and that is you're supposed to receive my judgmental pronouncements you're supposed to receive my stubborn opinions and that as far as we're all concerned my pronouncements my opinions are
08:53
ultimate truth receive it what if you're to think well you know i don't consider you to be my go-to person in that category in fact you're not my go-to person at all i don't want to uh have to prop up someone who's pigheaded or who's stubborn or who's overbearing and brash and boorish in the way that they engage with people and if you think that i'm supposed to say okay uh all of that's fine and good well in my mind it's not
09:24
i'm gonna allow me to have my own personal opinions and your judgments if you want a pronouncement uh on me then so be it but i'm i'm not required to have to receive that or how about an eighth rule that they often will uh impose on you and this is so common with them and that is you're supposed to reject the same people that i reject and they have all these people in their life that they have already criticized or they found lacking and they're wanting you to come along
09:56
and say yeah me too i think the same way what if you were to say instead no that's that's another rule that i'm not going to go along with and in fact it's not anything that i admire about you at all in my way of thinking uh when possible i want to find reasons to accept someone or to be inclusive or at least to try to understand them i don't feel the need to have all of this rejecting and disdainful and contemptuous approach towards people as you have you see these narcissists
10:28
have these kinds of rules and actually others that we could have mentioned because they're trying to construct a false front that's built upon smugness upon their own belief in their special unique enlightenment or entitlement or their self-righteousness that's what they're trying to do and they're wanting you to prop all of that up but uh i'm hoping that you can realize if you were to go along with these rules that i just mentioned what it means is you'd have to lose your sense of self
10:58
you'd have to lose your own personal identity and just meld into whatever it is they want you to be and so i'm hoping that you can conclude i refuse to comply with your petulant self-serving ban mandates i refuse to to give up my common sense and i surely refuse to give up my dignity just in order to go uh to get along with you with your false narrative leading the way that's not something i'm willing to do i
11:30
have goodness and decency i'm going to go ahead and consult within myself with respect to where that's going to lead me i'm not going along with your false narrative your alternate reality i hope the videos such as this give you some good food for thought and if you've not already subscribed i would encourage you to hit that subscribe button there's also a bell go ahead and hit that bell it'll give you notifications when more videos come along we have a join button for an exclusive membership to our channel and it's not
12:02
very expensive you can check into that and it allows you to have availability to live question and answer times that i have every single wednesday laura has hers on monday we also have extra videos that we have just for our members if you have a need for counseling and i know that grappling with topics like what we're talking about may provoke the need for that or remind you of that if you have someone in your area that you can unpack this with i would encourage you to do so if you don't have someone we have a sponsor that can help you find a licensed professional counselor
12:32
with good experience that can assist you in trying to sift through this i've had lots of good feedback lots of good feedback from our sponsor on this so i would encourage you to look into that if there's a need that you would uh want to avail yourself to in addition we have my free to be a course it's a very extensive course with six modules lots of personal reflections kind of questions that go along with many different teachings that are there and we've had very good feedback on that i'm excited about the prospects on that one in addition we have books and other resources okay so the narcissist has
13:04
that agenda uh it's all built on their faults narrative about how they're supposed to be the enlightened one in charge let's let's just acknowledge you can see straight through that and in doing so you don't have to go along with that you can kind of be like gus gus is over there just chilling out he's not worried about what kind of rules they have he sleeps through a lot of the mayhem anyway i want you to be a person that's calm and steady self-confident and when the narcissist comes along and says well my rule tells me that you're supposed to be much
13:35
different than that i'm hoping that your rule says i'm going to live in my own sense of dignity respect and civility that's what people on team healthy do that's what i'm committed to [Music]

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