10 REASONS #NARCISSIST WILL HATE YOU WHEN YOU START DOING THIS/LISA ROMANO

10 REASONS #NARCISSIST WILL HATE YOU WHEN YOU START DOING THIS/LISA ROMANO

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and when i realized i was cody panit and i started doing the research that's when i knew i had to write a book about coding thank my experience with him for teaching me what i needed needed to learn which is ultimately to let go [Music] so today we're going to be talking about 10 things that a narcissist will absolutely hate about you if you love learning about personal development mental health and ways that you can combat narcissism in your life and live a less codependent life a more free
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autonomous life don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notification bell this way every time i upload on the video you'll be the first to know so when we're talking about narcissism we have to be very careful because i think that the word gets thrown out a lot lately and i've heard people say to me in my own family like you know he's a narcissist or she's a narcissist and taken out of context i think it's pretty easy to label almost anybody a narcissist so when we're arguing with someone
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when we find ourselves in a disagreement with someone when we break up with someone or we have a friend who's just acting ornery or self-absorbed i think we really need to understand what we're dealing with we need to be step back a little bit and observe the situation and what we really should be looking for are patterns of behavior because everyone is going to have a bad day everyone is going to be at their worst and i don't think it's fair to judge someone on their worst day
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when it comes to narcissism narcissism happens to it's a pervasive pattern so if you've been raised by a narcissist then your childhood was pretty rough you may have felt like your parents stole your autonomy that your parents were jealous of your friends or jealous of your successes and this wasn't a bad day you know or a bad couple of days that that mom or dad had this was your lifestyle this was your childhood if you have a spouse that has a really bad day they're triggered one
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day and you see a side of them that you don't like but they recoup they apologize they even have some insight into what happened then the person isn't a narcissist if 99 of the time this person is pretty stable and accountable can take accountability and is someone who is actually moving towards a common goal they have good will towards you when we are in a relationship with a narcissist we can end up being sucked in
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rather quickly especially if we have the fear of abandonment so we have the fear of rejection rejection in our lives and we're lonely and we have been living off of breadcrumbs due to childhood issues and our relationships are really unfulfilling so we could really be pulled in quickly especially by a covert narcissist or even a grandiose narcissist through love bombing so i guess what i'm trying to say is that the more we know about narcissism and
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codependency and obviously about ourselves our own relationship patterns our own spiritual and emotional booboos though the less vulnerable we are to people who have like a predator type personality and who may or may not even know that they are this way right and so i wanted to create a session around the 10 things that a narcissist will a true narcissist will absolutely hate about you or anyone that really goes against their ability
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to control someone to control a narrative to isolate someone to gaslight someone to triangulate someone to guilt and shame someone to turn his or her family against them you know who pushes back on the way a narcissist moves through the world which is with a lack of empathy through exploiting people emotionally they have little care for how their actions affect other people
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they have a sense of entitlement that people should just treat them better than they would their neighbor so there's this idea that they're better than um and researchers have suggested that this comes from very a shattered sense of self and it's really portrayed through a false mask so a narcissist at their core is a shattered human being supposedly although there has been evidence to the contrary suggesting that
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narcissists actually don't care if they come off arrogant and they tend to have a lot of self-confidence they really do believe they are better than other people and they're kind of you know shocked that you would even suggest that they aren't you know like everyone should see how great i am and everyone should acknowledge how great i am but this this session is really about the 10 things that a narcissist will hate about you a true narcissist but i think it's important for us to realize that if we're dealing with someone who
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is who has really low self esteem someone who's carrying a lot of shame and they've developed the ability to create a false mask so that they can sustain themselves and emotionally regulate in society we have to understand that their the way that they move through life is really built to keep this facade up and so a narcissist will exploit other people will guilt and will shame will future fake will triangulate we'll
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do all of these things to maintain this this false mask right and so when we hold up the mirror to a narcissist and we you know encourage them when we go we we tell them oh yes they're right even though we know that they're wrong we enable someone's poor behavior then that reflection is what helps to regulate this false idea of themselves and what will happen is a narcissist only wants people in his or her
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environment that are willing to play that game right because if you threaten that if you tell a narcissist i don't agree with you i don't agree with what you how you present yourself on social media i don't like the way you exploit your children i don't like the way that you speak to your wife i don't like the way you speak to your employees the narcissist isn't going to want to keep you around they will get rid of you they will discard you or they will be highly vindictive and try
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to tear you down so these are things that we want to think about moving forward when we are going through moving about in life um there are plenty of sociopaths walking around amongst us that lack empathy plenty of narcissists out there that are just looking they're smelling like i said they're predator type personalities they want to deal with people who will allow them to love bomb them who are afraid to set boundaries who
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struggle with the fear of confrontation right this is the perfect type of personality for a narcissist right and so the first thing that i want to address is that narcissists hate when you give someone else praise right so you at you taking admiration these emotions of admiration and and you suggesting that tom dick and harry are amazing and they they deserve the accolades that they got in the office and they work so hard and they're such a terrific team
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a narcissist is seething this idea that you are praising tom dick and harry and not her or not him will cr make the hate you this idea that you are not putting them on the pedestal remember if they consider it a threat because they require people in their lives to mirror back to them this idea that they're amazing so when you split your emotions of admiration and praise
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and validation from the narcissist and it's like your eyes start looking at someone else and you start sharing that praise in another direction a narcissist is going to be threatened by that because in order for him or heart to feel regulated which means that the mask is in place just perfectly and there's no cracks it's not misplaced then as a narcissist is looking out in their environment they have to believe that you believe in their mask and when you offer admiration to someone
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else that threatens what the narcissist thinks that you believe about them which a narcissist will consider a threat right so the second thing is that a narcissist will hate that you don't take the bait so when you meet a narcissist remember they fast track you they future fake they talk about the life that you're going to have right they lie they're deceptive they figure out what it is that you're into they figure out what your booboos are they get you to talk and it might be
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the first time in your life that you feel like someone actually cares about what's going on with you and you think this is what a relationship is i'm empathic i care about what's happening in this woman's life or this man's life and so you don't even know that you're being set up you don't even know that this person is luring you in that they are love bombing you that they need you to get on the hook like a fish quickly right they need you to trust
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them quickly so if you are someone who wants to take things slow if you are someone who doesn't you know praise them right back if you are someone who is uncomfortable with the love bombing if you are someone who is put off when you know in two weeks someone sending you and i love you text or buying you an expensive piece of jewelry if you are someone who's put off by this a narcissist is going to be very uncomfortable very miserable
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and will hate that you're not permitting them to love bomb you and pull you in as quickly as they want to third thing is that a narcissist will hate when you ask for your own freedom when you say that you're going out with your girlfriends or you're going out with a bunch of guys and you don't ask them to come along so narcissists hate when someone that they're trying to love bomb and pull in expresses autonomy
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narcissists hate this idea that you are not thinking that they are the center of your world right so when you express individuality when you express autonomy when you naturally say you know i'm free wednesday but you know i have a party that i'm going to on saturday with some people from work and you don't invite the narcissist along or you don't give up going to that party the narcissist hates that if you don't give up your hobbies for the narcissist the
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narcissist hates that so the narcissists when you first meet them might think it's great that you're into archery great that you're into jiu-jitsu great that you write poetry great that you spend time at the dog shelter great that you spend so much time with your nieces and nephews and you have this whole group of friends the narcissist in the beginning will tell you that this is amazing but over time what the narcissist is wanting to do is to separate you and isolate you from all of the things that you love because if
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they're able to do that then they feel like they're in control over you and you letting go of your hobbies you letting go of all your interests you stop hanging out with your friends you choosing him or her over you is a sign that they are the center of your world and again this goes back to them feeling like the mask really fits really securely and as long as the mask fits securely then they can they can feel regulated which means that they can feel
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in control it doesn't change their behavior and when someone goes up against them and they are abandoned by a victim or they discard the victim themselves then they're just on to doing this again they find another source of narcissistic supply which is sad because it means that narcissists don't heal right they just keep this going um the fourth thing is that narcissists hate when you call them out on bad behavior so remember a narcissist wants to believe needs to believe that you are
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afraid of them or and you give up doing what you used to do because you're afraid of them which means that they have control over you which makes them feel emotionally regulated right they're strong and they're powerful so so narcissist is really looking to dominate and maintain power over relationships and so if you're afraid of a narcissist that's great for them right um and or if you are the person telling oh you're so handsome you're so amazing you're the
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most amazing person i've ever met in my life you're just incredible i've never met anyone like you they eat it up a narcissist eats it up right so you can go from being the person who thinks they're awesome to the person who's like terrified of them to the person who's like i can't wait to get away from him or her right you can go through all those stages but what's important to remember is that because we're talking about this particular uh issue the 10 things that narcissists hate about you is when you call them out on their poor
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behavior narcissists are very well known for treating waiters and waitresses you know people that are serving them coffee or people that work in the hotel people that clean up your room people that we need in society that play a very important role in society narcissists feel like they're better than and when you call them out on bad behavior like treating someone who has been hired to help clean up after a party poorly if you say to a
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narcissist like hey knock it off the narcissist hates that because you're challenging their how they see themselves right how and you're also challenging how they think you see them i know it's crazy but a narcissist wants to believe that you're okay with the poor way that they treat other people so when you call a narcissist out you are seen as a threat right remember the mask starts to slip it's very very
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uncomfortable and they don't like that right and so dominance and control they have to go right into dominance and control so when you say i don't like the way you spoke to the waitress or i don't like the way you spoke to the kids or i don't like the way you spoke to my mother or whatever you call them out on bad behavior the narcissist will absolutely hate that they can stonewall you they can gaslight you they can triangulate you they'll cheat on you right they'll lie to you right they'll make up some ridiculous
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story because you challenged them you said i don't like that you did this i remember what just came to my mind was one one time my ex-husband did something to our son and i confronted him and i said you cannot do this to our son and he it was very very scary because he turned his head and he looked at me and he said do you know that 50 of men in america have affairs and it was it sent a chill down my spine i was like wow what just happened
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i confronted him with something that i thought he shouldn't have done as his wife and as the mother of his child our child right looking to have a dialogue because parents make mistakes we all make mistakes right being a parent is the most difficult thing in the world in my opinion right and we screw up in big ways and in small ways yadda yadda i digress but here i was trying to have a heart-to-heart with my husband and certainly if he thought that i was doing anything wrong i was all for it
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tell me right this is how you grow in a relationship when you know that you're with a partner who loves you and who wants you to do better and they and they put themselves in a situation where they know they might be upsetting you by telling you hey babe i think maybe we need to look at it this way right if you have that that's something to truly treasure and cherish cherish if you want that in your relationship and you're married to a narcissist ain't gonna get better no bueno it doesn't
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work a narcissist does not see that as a good thing they don't see you as being vulnerable they don't see you as wanting to improve your marriage they don't see you as someone who is concerned about your children at all all they know is that they've in that moment they've lost a little power and control over you and in this situation me and my son because in his head i wasn't backing up this poor behavior and unfortunately and in my opinion i'm certainly i'm sure he would have a different opinion but in my opinion
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there was always this covert attempt to try to turn the kids against me for him to be the good guy and for me to be the bad guy and now in that moment if i'm saying hey you can't treat our son like this right he's it's almost like my son and i are aligning against him because that's the way a narcissist will view this type of a situation right you're against me it's black and white thinking and so when you tell a narcissist that i don't agree with this poor behavior they absolutely hate that right so um the fifth thing that narcissists hate
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about you is when you show empathy for people that they believe they are better than so you have empathy for the little old lady crossing the street you're in the car with a narcissist and the narcissist couldn't care less that this old lady you know has a walker and she's she has trying to carry her bags across the street and it's starting to rain and there's loud noises everywhere so the narcissist isn't able to take in the big picture and see this older woman
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as needing a little bit of a break maybe needing for all traffic to stop maybe needing someone to get out of the car and help the poor little old lady across the damn street a narcissist doesn't feel that and when you show empathy for someone like this the narcissist doesn't like it my opinion i think it has to do with they're just annoyed um that you would have empathy for someone that they don't have empathy for it could be that oh you
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just reminded me of the lack of empathy that i have for people or oh you in this moment have empathy and now you see that i don't have empathy and now i might lose dominance and control and power i might lose power and control over you that's not good but they hate when you have empathy for people that they have shown you that they have zero empathy for so that's another another thing to watch out for number six narcissists hate when you don't praise
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them when you don't laugh at their jokes and you don't enable their poor behavior so think about a narcissist who is in a group of people and he or she has just really started mocking a friend of yours and every there are some people that think it's funny i think when narcissists do this and they they're attacking other people i think sometimes in a crowd there are people who are like a little bit uncomfortable
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like is this supposed to be funny and they might laugh and go along with it thinking that the the butt of the joke the person who's being made fun of isn't taking it so seriously right and so they there are people who might nervous laugh or who actually might laugh like hey hey that's funny you know if this guy mr narcissist is making fun of this person certainly this must be an okay thing that they do um and and then there are people in the the crowd or the group that won't find
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that that type of joking around is funny at all and so they'll defend the person who is the you know the brunt of the joke right the narcissist isn't going to like that you are not laughing at them the narcissist is not going to be like that you are defending the person that they're mocking um the narcissist is not going to like the fact that you are not praising them for making everybody laugh right that that you are not going along with this idea that this person is stupid this
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person is a jerk or whatever narcissist is not going to like that when you have a narcissist that's teasing and making fun of other people they're doing it as a to feel better about themselves so putting other people down makes them feel better doing it in a passive aggressive way you know in a covert way right making fun of you then it allows the narcissist to be able to say things like well this person takes takes things too seriously like i don't care if you make fun of me which
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we all know is not true but when you don't sit back in a crowd and enable a narcissist and pat them on the back for being cruel for being vindictive for being passive aggressive for being nasty right when you don't go along with it the narcissist is going to hate that about you and don't be surprised if and when you defend someone in the group that the narcissist doesn't start picking on you so one of the ways that a narcissist who
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uses this dark humor to make fun of other people they're hiding a lot of personal stuff themselves oftentimes you know when people are joking about other people they're really revealing things about themselves that are uncomfortable that they haven't yet learned to integrate or to process right and so making fun of other people is a way that they deal with those unresolved emotions so when you call a narcissist out for making fun of someone right that's going to that's going to
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absolutely offend them and they feel threatened by that they're losing control over the group at that point right they're losing control over you they're losing control over the source of narcissistic supply who is being made fun of you know relentlessly right you're also shifting the dynamic the group dynamic when you're saying hey knock it off or that's really not funny there are ways to like deal with this um when you're dealing with someone who likes to treat you this way
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the less you give them the less you react to them the better you know the more self-confident that you come off like okay whatever buddy almost like jerk you know just shrugging it off like jerking it off it's better for you because a narcissist is going to want to see you crumble the narcissist is going to want to see you get offended because then they turn the tables on you so a narcissist is making fun of you haha you eat it the first time the second time three times it's enough for instance and you start pushing back
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you know when your face changes then they turn the tables and they start saying look at this guy look how sensitive he is right we're not paying attention to the fact that they pushed and they pushed and they pushed and it's not funny right um and that they're making fun of things that are really very deep right they're not making they don't they're not considering that so be very careful when you're around someone who likes to make you the brunt of their jokes um i would say try not to react at all get up and move and let them say whatever they want in
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other words like if they want to say oh look at the baby walking away from the table turn around go yeah i want want you know like yeah whatever you say i'm gonna go get my bottle now right turn the tables on them but whatever you do do not engage because that's what the narcissist is looking for you to do so uh the seventh thing that narcissists hate when you overcome the fear of confrontation and you exert boundaries remember that a narcissist is going to want to hang out with someone
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that they have deemed has a difficult time with setting boundaries right this is why when in the first phase of the narcissistic relationship they spend time getting to know you they ask you about your trauma they ask you about your relationship with your mother your relationship with your father your relationship with your siblings right and they come off very compassionate but they're really collecting data they want to know where your boo-boos are so we had this happen in our family
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not that long ago where a narcissist came into our life asked a ton of questions the person that our family member was very open very vulnerable about many many private things and she used this against him in the relationship to try to even separate him from his mom from his dad and from siblings and really tested his loyalty but became in the first i'd say first year of their relationship
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she did everything she could do to become everything that this young man needed to believe in and eventually the mask started to slip and it took a while for it to unravel but it did unravel so a narcissist is going to want to be with someone who is afraid to set a boundary especially after the narcissist has done everything that they could to make sure that they're
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your everything so they become your life raft so you give up your friends you give up your family right isolation and now the narcissist is control the narcissist may have control of your home may have control over your finances may have control over whether or not you see your children right or your grandchildren or your mother your father so the narcissist has a lot of control over you after the love bombing phase the idealization phase and now
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right you're afraid of confronting them obviously because if you're struggling with the trauma bond where throughout the course of the relationship the narcissist has made sure that you feel responsible for every argument and they may may have threatened you with abandonment this is this is classic you know i went through this myself where i was every time i wanted to talk about something i shouldn't say every time but very often times when i wanted to have a heart-to-heart about something that i wanted to resolve in the marriage which
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would have meant that my partner would have had to check himself and possibly change as i was willing to change and i wanted to change right accountability we're talking about but when you're dealing with someone who has um true personality character flaws and they can't take accountability and they can't see themselves and the idea of changing is just not with on their radar then it's impossible to have a healthy relationship with this type of a person
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and so someone who you're working with someone like this and they create this trauma bond situation what they'll do is they'll threaten you with divorce or they'll threaten to separate or they'll threaten to cheat on you they threaten you with abandonment and lots of times we back off especially if we come into the relationship a little bit or a lot codependent right putting other people uh before ourselves especially if we're
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wanting to fix people especially if we are built for the types of relationships that are actually built for one right so it's two people in one relationship both people focusing on the one person the co-dependent person is focusing on the needs of the more narcissistic person and the more narcissistic person is all about me all about me my partner has to worry about me worry about me it's what i want it's what i think is what i feel is my needs it's not my partner my partner's job is to worry about my needs
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right outside of the partner narcissistic partner understanding that their their partner has needs as well and this is a partnership this is collaboration this is cooperation okay this is interdependence two people who are independent in a relationship right but a narcissist will exploit the fear of abandonment and so when you develop the ability to say no bueno
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i'm not liking that and you start setting boundaries with the word no narcissist is going to hate that about you okay so that's very important number eight narcissists hate when you refuse to allow them to test your loyalty by trying to create a wedge between you your family your friends your children your grandchildren so remember a narcissist's agenda is to really to isolate you and to convince you in the beginning that they are your everything and you don't need anybody else but them
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it's you and them against the world right you don't need your kids you don't need your mother she's been there for you forever you don't need your father been there for you forever you don't need your grandmother she loves you since the day you're born you don't need your sister you don't you don't need any of those people leave everything behind i will take care of you right and they move you to another state maybe even across the country i've heard of these stories too where my clients have been literally moved they left their job and they were moved across the country promised to be living with family
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there's no family there when they get there right crazy stuff crazy making situation so when you recognize that you're dealing with a narcissist who very cleverly is finding ways sometimes it's not so easy to spot it sometimes a narcissist is very passive aggressive can come off very vulnerable around i don't like you i don't think your sister likes me you know i don't think your dad likes me you know i wish your dad liked
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me but i don't think your dad likes me or you know um i caught your sister looking at me in a weird way i don't want to say anything but you know it made me feel uncomfortable you know or you know what um your son told me blah blah blah it never happened right so sometimes it's really hard to see when a narcissist is trying to drive a wedge between you and people that you've had a relationship with your entire life right remember narcissist is going to see tight bonds
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as a threat so when you start to pay attention to this and you start questioning you know why the narcissist is feeling this way right they're going to hate that when you don't immediately agree with them when you don't immediately stop talking to your sister when you don't immediately have a fight with your sister right a narcissist is going to be really really ticked off because their agenda is to dominate control manipulate manipulate you and to
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test your loyalty towards them and so when you start saying no like my grandchildren are coming over or my children are welcome in my home whenever or well if you don't like hanging out with my family that's fine but i'm not going to not go on that family vacation you're welcome to come but if you don't want to come you don't have to come now for this to be true we have to be talking about a somewhat healthy family we're not talking about a narcissistic family because there are situations when you
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marry into a family that is narcissistic and your spouse might be afraid of the narcissistic mother right and you were saying i'm not going because it feels weird you know and things are legitimately happening in your life where the narcissistic mom is trying to drive a wedge between you and your husband for instance or vice versa or your narcissistic husband is threatened by your relationship with your father your relationship with your brother and you as a victim of narcissistic abuse
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are saying i'm not hanging out with you people that that scenario is very valid and it happens but what i'm trying to say here right now in this session the 10 things that narcissists hate about you i'm trying to draw a spotlight or trying to help every or highlight this idea that when you refuse to allow someone who you believe has a pervasive pattern now of being narcissistic and you're starting to pick up on it right it's not just
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once in a while it's all the time there's a lack of accountability there's a pervasive pattern of how can i get over on people you know there's a pervasive pattern of dominating conversations there's a pervasive pattern of what about me right um things seem fake even when they're when they're there for other people it's about how great they are right so you're starting to see a pervasive pattern and now the person that you're dealing with is starting to say negative things about your family maybe they
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don't even know your family but you're starting to sense something and you start to say no i'm going with my sister and and you're entitled to feel how you feel about it like i can't tell you to like my sister but i'm hanging out with her anyway and you go right and then when you come back home you are bullied or you are stonewalled or you are gaslit it's important in those times in those times this is when sessions like this and information that you've been gathering if you become a doer of the word in other words like you
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hear the word and then you act on it so when you're in a situation like this where someone's punishing you for loving someone in your family because they're threatened by that family bond that's a huge red flag and that is a gut instinct you should absolutely never and i mean never ignore so a healthy person might not like your sister you know what she's just not my cup of tea you know maybe she likes to drink she likes to smoke weed whatever it is not everybody likes to drink and smoke weed whatever and your partner's just like you know what just not my thing you know she's
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loud she's crazy i think she's a little obnoxious and i just don't feel like hanging out with her on saturday night i'd rather stay home and your partner's like but if you babe if you want to go you go it's fine that's totally fine when you come home your partner's like did you have a good time yeah yeah my sister was my sister but i had a good time pass the butter and you're not punished for honoring what you wanted to do that's also fine but you come home and your partner is stonewalling you your partner is ignoring you your
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partner is slamming the kitchen cabinets and your partner is giving you one word answers if at all and leaving the house without saying goodbye you're being punished for having a relationship that they don't want you to have a relationship with for having a relationship they don't want you to have they're punishing you for not allowing them to sever that relationship they're punishing you for not allowing them to isolate you from people that they consider a threat so that's something you should not ignore
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okay so number nine nice narcissists hate when you don't do everything they want you to do sort of like piggybacking off it off of the the prior one but think about a narcissist who you know um wants you to um engage in something that you know maybe physically that you you don't want to do it's past your comfort zone so you'll be punished for not wanting to do that thing um you'll be compared to in other words well my buddy's wife is willing to do
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that why aren't you willing to do it or every man that i know his wife is okay with this experience how come you're not you're not there's something wrong with you right so you don't do what the narcissist wants you to do i.e they can't control you i.e you're exerting autonomy they don't like that no bueno you're not allowed to have autonomy you're not allowed to say no you're not allowed to be an individual when you're in a relationship with the narcissist it's their way all
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the time and if you don't want to do what they want you to do you will be gaslit you will be triangulated you will have your name speared yes your spouse will spear your smear your name your spouse will say things about you your spouse will diminish your credit of credibility as a way to punish you for not doing what he or she wanted you to do they will go to your family and they will talk about you behind your back as if you actually did something wrong
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because you didn't want to do this act with the narcissist or you didn't think that the narcissist should be engaging in what the narcissist was engaging in could be you know something has to do with physical intimacy right or physical contact with another person or it could be cheating on their taxes or it could be lying to their business partner right and they want you to go along with it right so anytime that you tell a narcissist no and you don't do what they want you to
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do the narcissist hates that and so you can expect narcissistic rage you can expect vindictiveness you can expect passive aggressiveness you can expect threats of being abandoned you can expect your name to be smeared healthy people don't feel the need to do this when other people don't do what they want them to do sure is it annoying that your partner doesn't want to do everything you want to do sure but if you're healthy you accept it if you're healthy your partner
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is healthy you compromise you know that on monday we do what he wants or what she wants and then by wednesday we're considering what i want to do it's not one person's way all the time that is a controlling narcissistic relationship and there is there are no challenges in that relationship healthy partners challenge us to be everything we can be right so if my husband's engaging in something that i don't think he should be engaging in i
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tell him right i want i bel i see my husband the way i want to see him right and if he's if he's not acting the way i think a man of integrity should be acting because i see him as having integrity then i gently tell him i don't beat him over the head with it i have a conversation with him i love him i know that he's imperfect and he does the same thing with me if he doesn't think that i'm seeing things the way i should be seeing
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him and i think he's very wise too because when i have a moment and i do still have my moments he lets me have my moments so if i'm crying or if i'm upset you know when i get overwhelmed emotionally i have to cry i'll tell him i gotta go take a shower and i have to cry i have to let this energy come through me back in the day i suppressed it right and i would i was secretly angry and secretly frustrated and i didn't know how to process my emotions and i felt bad for not feeling perfect and i felt bad for not being happy all
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the time i felt guilty and i felt ashamed and these days i know that overwhelm is normal and it's an indicator that i'm not managing my time i'm not managing my business i'm not managing something that's going on in the house like something or lots of things are getting ahead of me because i'm not managing my time correctly i'm not managing my self-care in most cases it has to do with lisa you're not meditating like you're not taking enough time out you're not doing enough of the gratitude journal you're you're focusing
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on things that you shouldn't be focusing on or you know the codependency starts to kick in and so i he is very wise in that he allows me to have my moments and then later on when everything's calm most often over dinner we're holding hands and then we discuss i just got overwhelmed and i think this is why and i'm really sorry if that affected you thank you for listening right that's important in a relationship and we should be able to be that vulnerable with the partner but
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when you're dealing with a narcissist the narcissist is not going to be happy when you challenge them when you say no when you when you are no longer afraid of them rejecting you and you just say it like it is a narcissist hates that because what that means is if they're losing control over you you are no longer being manipulated by the fear of them abandoning you which is something they absolutely hate so number 10 narcissists hate
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when you investigate their claims and their attacks on others so it's not uncommon to be involved with a narcissist who is involved in in some type of a smear campaign towards somebody right and so they might come to you and they might make this crazy claim about somebody right and why are they doing that to make themselves feel better about themselves right so if you've ever been in the midst of a smear campaign you know that it can become all-consuming if you're not
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careful right when you're when you find yourself being in the middle of a smear campaign one of the worst things that you can do is give into into it because that's what a narcissist wants a narcissist wants you to react so try to remember that the goal is to not react it's to too i know it's hard i don't because cptsd the fear of rejection the fear of being persecuted unfairly it all it activates the amygdala cortisol gets triggered right
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like the stress response is triggered it's all below the veil it's autonomic it's automatic it's not our fault that it happens but the more we milk higher states of consciousness the more we're able to witness in our body when this is happening so try to remember not to react right when someone says something about you or claims something against you it's very important but when you're dealing with a narcissist who is engaging in smearing the name of someone else so in essence they're trying to create a
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flying monkey out of you and you're like wait what i don't i don't know if i know that to be true are you sure like have you done your homework are you sure like have you really made sure that your claims are correct narcissists hate that when you challenge their control over you they absolutely hate that when they know that you're going to be a fact checker when they know that you the gig is up like you know
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that there's a pattern of them lying there's a pattern of manipulation they can't even stop themselves from lying right there they're on a roll and they tend to create one lie and then before you know it it's another lie and another lie and another lie and it's absolutely mind-boggling when you take an inventory of the stories that you have been told about themselves and about other people we had someone not that long ago claim
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to have lived in another country and there was no passport to prove that that person had even been in that country that they said they lived in and so when the table started to turn and we started to fact check this became very unsettling for the person who was trying to manipulate the family and the friends of this this person that that we knew and that we loved so when you become someone who is willing to challenge the claims of a narcissist you are
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pumping the brakes on the love bombing you were saying you know even though you're coming at me telling me how great you think i am and how beautiful and how amazing i am and blah blah blah blah blah you got to be careful with that because the narcissist will actually uh tickle your narcissistic funny bone and want to blow up and puff up the narcissist inside all of us right wow this person sees me which is egocentric i am seen right we have to remember that
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that is not the goal the goal is to find someone who is for us to be healthy and to manifest a relationship with someone who's also healthy so we don't want to be narcissistic and fall into the narcissistic pool nor do we want to be in relationships with narcissists right which is it's hard to navigate it's not so easy to navigate especially if you're someone who has felt so abandoned all their life and rejected and someone who's been
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manipulated in you someone with high empathy and who has been exploited and has been bankrupt because of this narcissist and then someone comes along a more vulnerable covert narcissist comes along that doesn't seem so grandiose almost almost seems like you can trust them or him or her with anything and their agenda is the same it's very difficult if you are that person who wants to trust and who hasn't felt loved it's very difficult
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but that is why people like myself do what we do because we've been through it a lot of us have been through it and we can recognize the potholes and we know what it takes to get out of the pothole you know we've we've gone through these experiences and now it's in our heart to share these experiences with other people to spare other people some of the things that we've gone through i mean isn't that the whole point you learn something and you share that something with other people so that they don't have to go through it
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what's the big spiel about the big spiel is knowledge the big spiel is information the big spiel is teaching other people to pay attention to how they are showing up at the end of the day we have to accept that there are sharks in the water right we have to accept that there are predator personalities right can you control that no but what you can control is whether or not you have the awareness around how they show up and so these are
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some of the red flags that you can look out for in your life and knowing type the types of things that are going to tick a narcissist off cause a narcissist narcissist to react very very poorly towards you vindictive passive aggressive stonewalling gaslighting smearing your name knowing that these are the traits that show up when you don't do what a narcissist wants you to do is very helpful because it'll it'll prevent you from going down the rabbit hole knowing what these warning signs are
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makes you less vulnerable to a predator type personality if you love this content don't forget to check out the next video and you can go to my website and take the codependency quiz

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