The concentric circles of narcissism

The concentric circles of narcissism

SUBTITLE'S INFO:

Language: English

Type: Robot

Number of phrases: 448

Number of words: 2237

Number of symbols: 10826

DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES:

DOWNLOAD AUDIO AND VIDEO:

SUBTITLES:

Subtitles generated by robot
00:06
hi everyone it's dr romini welcome back to this youtube channel that takes on all kinds of issues related to narcissism you know how much i love my circles right circle of control in circles to understand things in fact i don't have my circle on today but i'm kind of a circle person today we're going to use circles as a way of understanding these concentric circles that make up a narcissistic world so let's take a look at what i mean by that i can confidently say that only a tiny
00:36
and i mean tiny percentage of human beings in the world right now are not affected by narcissism i think this is affecting everybody it is either there are either people out there who are narcissistic so they're affected because it's their lives and they're wreaking havoc and and they're eating hurt or you're being hurt by it everyone many of you watching this channel were directly affected by narcissistic relationships curious about narcissism or suspect that it may be
01:07
you that has these patterns and many of you watching this channel have been profoundly affected by narcissism when we think about the impacts of narcissism we often think about the impact like narcissistic abuse patterns rumination confusion anxiety hurt i wish it wasn't like this the grief the disbelief the stuff that happens inside of us but when you realize that this happens in almost concentric circles
01:39
you recognize why this whole narcissism thing is such a crisis okay so let's start with what could be called the inner circle the intrapersonal meaning what's within us that's all the classical narcissistic abuse stuff that we each have to manage by ourselves we walk through the world confused if we've experienced narcissistic abuse full of self-doubt anxious sad angry ruminating
02:09
helpless hopeless powerless all of this is happening within us many times people they don't understand for a while what's happening to them they think that they're purely struggling with mental illness that they have anxiety or depression and they may even attempt to get help for those things this is actually a big reason why this phenomenon of narcissistic abuse or understanding the fallout of any high conflict relationship it's a reason i think it doesn't get enough systemic or systematic
02:40
consideration in the mental health world because ultimately most people blame themselves for it and many therapists will focus on the poor adjustment of the person experiencing the narcissistic abuse rather than recognizing that any of us would feel this way if we were in a narcissistic relationship in this case it's not the player it's the game
03:11
so let's go to the next level of the circles which is the one-on-one relationship we can call this the interpersonal realm this is most commonly an intimate relationship with a partner or a spouse but it can also be close friends or one-on-one a relationship with a singular family member not only do we have all of those intra inside personal impacts here but narcissism also messes up
03:42
an interpersonal relationship narcissistic relationships are one-sided it can take people years to figure this out but there is that painful day when you recognize that you are actually just a deliverer of narcissistic supply that the other person is completely egocentric and this entire relationship is about them you waste some time attempting to communicate
04:14
and then see your whole is only just getting dug deeper you do all the usual stuff that for example couples therapists write about you ask about their day you show gratitude you show interest in the things they like to do and more often than not they will either not even notice that they will also monopolize the conversation not resist not reciprocate or contextually push contemptuously push back and then when you ask about
04:45
or ask for something more big ticket that's important to the relationship no matter how much gratitude you show or how interested you are in them no matter how much you fluff them if they perceive what you are asking for is inconvenient or it's at all critical of them then bam it's volatile and awful all over again the interpersonal dynamics the gaslighting the manipulation the invalidation the rage the egocentricity the contempt
05:18
these are the interpersonal things that drive all those intrapersonal patterns and are making you sick think of it as you have a job that requires a repetitive motion like lifting or typing or something in a factory and you develop a repetitive motion injury from that the motion causes the pain and the stiffness you get the motion is the interpersonal relationship the pain of the injury is the intra personal piece so maybe that analogy makes it clear so
05:51
now let's go out one more circle and that is the family the family is an incredibly important space to consider when thinking about narcissistic dynamics for a large proportion of people who experience narcissistic abuse as adults these patterns these exposures to narcissistic patterns got set in childhood and likely through one or both parents being narcissistic or a
06:22
significant player in childhood being narcissistic like a step parent or a grandparent it is here that the trauma bonded pattern gets set the idea that love means abuse love means rejection love means inconsistency love means having to jump through hoops to get recognized those tracks got laid down and those beliefs drive recreation of those dynamics in
06:53
adulthood childhood in a narcissistic family is a childhood of not being seen or heard fear of the parents rage conditional love gobbling up the few precious moments if you get a moment of a parent noticing you and learning to live on those narcissistic breadcrumbs it's a childhood of anxiety and grief these are family systems characterized by triangulation and unhealthy
07:26
communication and it ain't over when you get to adulthood most of you know that your parent will still be narcissistic when you are an adult and you may still be caught on the same invalidating carousel with them patterns which may get worse as they get older and mixed up with complex dynamics with siblings as well many people remain stuck in a never-ending cycle with
07:58
narcissistic parents the invalidation in the family space reinforces the invalidation in other relational spaces it almost normalizes it the gaslighting happens at the family level and there is tremendous grief and guilt around seeing it clearly generating a sort of heaviness and a sadness around relationships as people go through adulthood
08:28
and still have to have contact or choose to have contact with their family of origin and keep in mind included in this are adult narcissistic children an area that doesn't get nearly as much as attention as it deserves to see narcissism in an adult child can be even more heartbreaking in part because at some level you may even feel partly complicit or at the very least you saw it coming but when you look at your adult child you may still see the baby or the sweet
09:00
little child and to face their rage and anger and perhaps they are angry at you for staying in a narcissistic marriage is a very unique form of the narcissistic relationship that happens within the family system but it's the family doesn't stop there though the next circle out is the level of community your community is the social and interactional spaces that you
09:31
participate in these may include your workplaces your religious community your neighborhood uh community organizations or clubs to which you belong friend groups um exercise classes that kind of thing just sort of your your people in your community some of these may be rather low stakes spaces where you have few you have some superficial relationships and you kind of get in and get out and do your thing but do not minimize the impact of when
10:03
narcissism seeps into these spaces if you have other significant adult narcissistic relationships family partner that kind of thing the antagonisms of these other community spaces can be triggering or just significantly more stressful and frustrating more than they would be maybe if you didn't have these closer relationships that were narcissistic in addition if the community spaces are meaningful you can directly witness how much damage
10:35
is again happening due to the usual narcissistic dynamics the gaslighting the invalidation the triangulation the egocentricity the entitlement it may not only be doing harm to the people that might be within that organization or class or club or system but to the system itself and the good stuff that that system is doing it adds to the larger scale exhaustion
11:06
of is the world really this hostile and if this is a workplace issue it goes beyond just your having a hostile church group it can have massive impacts on your health in fact workplace workplace narcissism is right up there with familial or relational narcissism because it unsettles your livelihood your career and your day-to-day functioning workplace narcissism can manifest as bullying
11:37
harassment unreasonable expectations inequity in the workplace and since many human resource programs are not in the know about these patterns there can be little recourse when you are facing up against this kind of abuse in the workplace and there's little way to address it because most people don't get it well then let's go to the final level the final circle if you aren't already too exhausted listening to this and that is society
12:11
simply put society rewards and incentivizes narcissism society means lots of things the media the justice system the government the corporations the education systems the economy at large narcissistic individuals are more likely to be in positions of leadership to make more money to be famous to be more successful
12:42
in the way that society designates success the hierarchical nature of many professions and the willingness of people who are narcissistic to do whatever it takes to win means that they win and are held up as models of excellence for all of us to aspire to we tragically worship billionaires and celebrities and social media has also created a superficial
13:12
look at me world of influencers and people who make it because they have managed to turn validation seeking into a job in a world like this where empathy and compassion and respect and reciprocity and authenticity are devalued we face down narcissism every time we turn on the tv read or watch the news or scroll through
13:43
social media we may not know these people we may not care about these people but for survivors of narcissistic abuse it reinforces the toxic energy that pervades their universe there is no getting away from this and also this bolsters the sense of powerlessness and then there are the strangers you encounter the mean person in the grocery store who screams at the cashier
14:14
and shrieks about wanting to see a manager that person who cuts you off in traffic because they were impatient with your driving the neighbor who parks badly just to mess with you even though you asked them nicely to keep that entry to the sidewalk open these toxic micro interactions also take a toll day after day maybe we can gray rock our way out of close relationships and family stuff but can we really do it at a societal
14:46
scale maybe i think we can know that behind these superficial posts and superficial people is a world of insecurity and hurt in a world of fomo the fear of missing out we can dig deeper into authenticity and own that it is kind of nice to be doing sweatpants ice cream and streaming on a saturday night and that yeah our sink is full of dishes and our house doesn't look like an hgtv
15:17
show well maybe it looks like the before version of one and no we didn't do our yoga today it's to not fall for the cage fight that advertisers want us to have with each other with each other to foster our insecurities we go buy stuff so we can look as good as other people society may be the biggest gaslighter of all when you see it as these kinds of concentric circles you recognize that narcissistic abuse
15:49
isn't just a partner who invalidates you or a parent who still criticizes you or a friend who sucks the oxygen out of the room nope it is much more than that it is circle after circle that surrounds you and it can make the self-blame more potent it's easier to blame yourself than to say the world is a mess the world is a mess and i don't mean this in a
16:21
self-victimized way but in an aware way these patterns are all around us they tend to go unchecked but if we can recognize them maybe we can stop personalizing them stop blaming ourselves and learn to steer clear set boundaries breathe deeply and cultivate those healthy safe spaces we do have then maybe we could sweep
16:53
the eggshells away for a minute think of those concentric circles this isn't just about one relationship this is about being surrounded by this and this i honestly think is why so many people are struggling right now thanks again

DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES: