Men Who Have Been Abused By Women Share Their Stories - AskReddit

Men Who Have Been Abused By Women Share Their Stories - AskReddit

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she told me if I ever called the cops I would leave in handcuffs I never felt more helpless in my life warning this content may be upsetting or disturbing to some audiences men who have left abusive relationships what's your story I left the day I wanted to hit her back of course she denies that it was abuse what are you some kind of [ __ ] a little girl hitting makes you scared no the thought of all the BS i would go through scares me people generally have this misconception when they think of
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woman on man spouse abuse they imagined a woman overpowering a weak cowardly man and smirk at the idea the truth is most of the time the woman has a weapon of some kind or is an emotional abuser in my experience my partner wouldn't walk up to me and try hit me she would grab a glass a plate an iron and throw it at me full force pinching was another thing as were insults putting me down in front of company belittling me further if I privately expressed how annoyed or upset I was at her doing such things why are you behaving like this why did you say
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that about me to them ha oh babe I'm only joking don't be so weak gaslighting I believe it's called lads or women too for that matter if your partner belittles you in front of their friends or your friends take that as a major red flag another thing is testing you for example I went out with her and her friends she casually tells me she slept with one of her guy friends shortly before we got together then later on says she didn't really but wanted to see how I'd react it's total manipulation and it left me feeling
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confused and on edge as time went on those negative emotions where I ended up associating her with for the record I'm 6 2 and 190 pounds she was 5 6 an average bailed it was never a fear of her overpowering me but when you have someone hurling objects that you and screaming so loud your ears are ringing it's definitely abuse and it is incredibly distressing one of my best friends went through emotional abuse his girlfriend of almost 10 years was just scary she never smiled or laughed at all
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and would go full-on screaming mad at the drop of a hat or less I stayed with him a few times when I had to be in their city for work one night were watching a movie and my dude asked girlfriend if they could watch a different one she stood up turned the TV off picked up her glass and smashed it on the table and stormed off to the bedroom without her facial expression even changing my mouth was somewhere around my belt buckle she slammed the door and from the bedroom we heard bangs glass breaking all kinds of noise I was like dude what just
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happened he said yeah this is what she does he eventually told me that among the crazy things she's done she tried to smash a heavy beer mug on his head broke a collectible whiskey glass of his and used it to cut herself in front of him kick their cat and went out and deliberately wrecked her car after a fight they finally broke up then it got worse I was good friends with one of her friends who was totally sane and realized girlfriend had serious mental issues girlfriend moved into her place
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we'll call her see after the breakup we talked about what we could do to help girlfriend call her parents and get them involved etc after that my dude started noticing strange things around his apartment books were moved things were missing from the fridge especially any kind of alcohol things disappeared from his bedroom etc I told him to keep a list of every weird thing he noticed yep girlfriend had secretly made numerous copies of the house Qian was going in and messing with things when she knew he was at work from talking to see living
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with girlfriend was beyond a nightmare girlfriend would snap and back see into corners threatening to kill her she trashed the house and didn't clean anything and see once opened girlfriend's bedroom door and was greeted with the entire floor covered in wine bottles see then called me in a panic one night because she couldn't get a hold of my dude girlfriend was in a drunken rage and left on foot saying she was coming to his place to kill him we wait calling the police and then decided it was time to call her parents we conference called them with both of us on the phone her best friend and her
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ex-boyfriends best friend they found her walking on the side of the road carrying a hunting knife they took her home and checked her into an inpatient mental health facility shortly afterwards um I didn't realize just how insane this story is until I watched myself type it just now take this as a warning to watch for signs mental health problems are real and if someone you know clearly needs help please work with whoever you can parents friends etc to get it for them we dated for three and a half years
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before finally moving in together I don't want to say everything was fine before that point because it wasn't but I suppose when you only see a person once or twice a week we lived about an hour apart the little things seemed to fall away in the time you're not together the temper tantrums and manipulations are sort of forgotten when you have many good days in between them I recall one story from before we moved in we were showering together not necessarily being sexy as we had been together a long time we were just talking I had said something she disagreed with I honestly think it had
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to do with lathering my head with shampoo she couldn't stand that I didn't make enough bubbles so clearly I was doing it wrong so she stormed out of the shower and slammed her bedroom door I finished my shower slowly took my time drying off and went to sit on the couch and read read it while I waited for it to blow over she went back into the bathroom and exploded with rage because I had tracked water all over the floor remember she stormed out of the room wet I took my sweet-ass time it was all her water but somehow all my fault anyway when we moved the day before
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signing the lease she lost her job we signed the lease anyway as she needed to be out of her apartment and a new roommate was already lined up for my apartment she assured me she could get a new job and I was fine with it the first time she hit me was about a week after we moved in together she went to the beach with her family for a long weekend and was upset with me because I couldn't go even though I had planned to the thing was we made these plans before she lost her job and this weekend happened to be one with many events so it was a lot of extra money for me we really needed it I honestly worked almost the
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whole weekend straight only going home to sleep Sunday night after work I went to a friend's house to hang out and by the time I got home she had also gotten home and was furious the house was a mess everything was a mess and it was all my fault and I couldn't go to bed it was past midnight until I helped her clean it again just like before almost everything was stuff she had done before leaving for the weekend and just expected me to take care of knowing I wasn't home at all at one point during arguing she me into a wall she said she felt threatened which is funny because as a
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martial arts instructor I am very common passive I don't believe in violence at all and do my best to always appear non-threatening another time I picked up the wrong milk and offered to return it and get a new one she said that was embarrassing returning milk which shouldn't have been a problem as I was the one doing it after an hour of arguing I left the house to go for a walk so she threw an apple at me and nearly pushed me down the stairs when I told her I would call the cops she told me if I ever called them I would leave in handcuffs I never felt more helpless in my life but physical wasn't her
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specialty every day was an emotional roller coaster every day she would wake up around 11 a.m. and text me to tell me how tired she was by 1:00 she was taking a nap I'd get home at 9 p.m. every night to a full sink of dishes that weren't there the night before and I would do the whole thing cause she didn't do dishes before making us both dinner she'd spend the entire time playing online with her gaming friends in terms of job she eventually got a semi part-time job but never attempted to get full-time she would send out maybe one resume every few weeks and tuck herself
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up about how brave and strong she was in blah blah blah she did manage to get a full-time job at one point it lasted three days before she said it was too easy and not creative enough so she quit the entire time we lived together I paid 100% of the rent knowing that I couldn't afford it on my salary alone we plan to split 50-50 originally before the job thing any money she had went to her own stuff if we ever went to her parents for a party and would be after I work 12 plus hours and would be expected back at work the next day she would promise we
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would leave by a decent hour but we'd always be there until 2:00 a.m. or later with an hour drive back home it would make the next day of work like a living hell if I fell asleep on her parents downstairs couch she would always be down there to wake my butt back up calling me grumpy and angry she'd make it known when we were leaving that it was my fault and that I was being grumpy I know it's just 2 a.m. and I'm damn near tired and the party is over and I just want to sleep she was about $120,000 in debt from school and credit cards she would go out though and buy
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video games and if I complained that she was wasting money it didn't matter because it was her money we'd go out with her parents and she couldn't help but tell everyone how much of a slob I was and how lazy I was never mind I was working 12 to 14-hour days six days a week and was a very clean person I did both of our laundry and almost all of the cleaning that ever happened in our time living together but I was the slob who left hair all over the bathroom and peed all over the toilet seat which is actually funny because I prefer to pee sitting down and always wipe the seat if anything splashed she would complain that we
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never spent time together if I was on the computer but if I ever asked if she wanted to do something it was always nope I'm playing online with friends she tried to institute a no technology night once it didn't go very well you know because she was the technology addict who wasn't willing to step away if I tried to go out with friends she made me feel like crap for not spending time with her and for leaving her and going out I'd either have to bargain time a I will go out tonight and spend tomorrow with you but I'd still get evil texts all throughout the night the thing was if I caved and did spend time at
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home with her we'd watch maybe one episode of TV and then she'd go play online with her friends leaving me alone I left her eight months into living together but we were both on the lease so I couldn't kick her out even though I paid 100 percent of our bills I moved out of the bedroom into the living room thankfully around the Year Mark two year lease she messed up and texted me a threat that she would basically kill me I told her I didn't feel safe and wanted her gone the kicker was none of my friends or family knew this was going on I kept a happy face on and told people
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very little why I didn't want them treating her different when she was around and yet still I would get weekly phone calls from my brother telling me I adoptions and could do better or my best friend would always say so you're not planning to marry her right I came to find out that just about every single person in my life hated her and were extremely happy when I walked away we hit it off immediately really well too well she actually wanted me to move to be with her after a couple of weeks talk of being soul mates as we really clicked yeah major red flag but I wanted to
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believe the fairy tale had found the one she was amazing smart funny charming but every now and then there would just be this onslaught of abuse nasty and hurtful and I just sit there thinking where hell did this come from I wanted to be there for her and not abandon or hurt her like the other guys in her life from what she told me and when those moments passed she was wonderful then I got to thinking that the abusive moments were increasing from maybe five percent of the time to ten percent and it occurred to me this is just going to continue ramping up it
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got to the point where I was afraid of what she might do during her rampages I'm a big guy but seriously started to fear for my safety started looking up on the internet to figure her out once I came across borderline personality disorder my mind was blown it was like literally reading the playbook to her mind tried to break up with her didn't work she'd still get back into my life no contact would just have her out for revenge a good way to break up with somebody abusive is something called the gray rock technique it's basically make
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yourself seem as uninteresting and boring as possible do not engage in arguments do not give the person any emotional fuel and fade into the background he or she does not like boredom loses interest and moves on this worked lessons learned true deep relationships take time to build and are very slow watch out for people who are always the victim if you're looking up your partner's behavior on the internet you probably need to get out have strong personal boundaries never be afraid to say no or to leave and finally there was
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a problem with me too it takes two people for an abusive relationship to happen usually the abused is codependent meaning they have a lack of self-love and are so desperate to be loved they'll put up with anything if you find yourself in abusive relationships repeatedly the problem isn't only with the people you date there's a problem with you as well strong personal boundaries healthy self-esteem these are what keep abusers away I had a girlfriend that would punch the wall next to my head also would push me down during arguments she also would
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constantly accuse me of cheating on her I actually cheated on her once she did her usually accusation and I calmly without joy admitted I did the night before she trashed my apartment but didn't hurt me we work together so I had to see her every day she would glare at me but didn't say anything occasionally when she was drunk she would text me with huge compliments about our former sex life and asked to come over I never gave in I had no self-esteem back then and drank every
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day I quit drinking got married and just had my second kid life isn't perfect today but it is a hell of a lot better than it used to be I hope she got help I was in a relationship that was abusive she'd hit but I am a big dude who worked and hung out with big rough dudes so that didn't bother me she cheated say it was none of my business weed patch it up and she'd insist she should be able to hang out with the guy she cheated on me with they were her friends after all when she'd do it again it would be painfully obvious but she'd
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go in gaslighting mode and I think I was going crazy we broke up again and found out she was pregnant I had to decide what kind of life I wanted my kid to have I knew I was in a sixth spot and that was my choice but the kid was coming into a bad spot without choice or fault we decided to put the kid up for adoption when I said I wasn't coming back a couple of weeks before the birth she decided she couldn't be without her child I am NOT going to say this was about me or our relationship the bond with a child is not to be taken lightly the baby was born and she would only let
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the kids stay with me if she stayed over which worked until it didn't eventually she went back to college out of town and the baby was with me full-time even then things were tense she'd come back from college for the first time in a couple months and declare that the baby wasn't safe and was coming with her the night before Father's Day she had my mom convinced I was a negligent father when she was living a hundred miles away and my daughter didn't recognize her there was more drama when she moved back from college but we kept it away from the kid as best as we could I do have to admit
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she did well in that regard she moved back and started being a bigger part of our kids life when our daughter was around five it has been eight years since then and we have both grown a whole lot I am married with three wonderful kids with my wife she lives two streets down and our daughter spends about half time with each household now every now and then some crazy pops up still but we agreed on a third party we could talk to to arbitrate such things for me realizing I was worth more than I thought was the key everything worked out of me well in the end our daughters teachers
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always comment on how amazingly stable her life seems in relation to other kids from separated families her mom goes out of her way to do exciting things with her and facilitate activities for her I am actually able to say I am genuinely proud of how everything turned out and proud of her mom for turning herself around there are still times where I feel a little bitter there are a lot of parts of the deal I had to learn to be okay with no resolution it is really weird at times being in a spot where I am so closely tied to someone I used to hate so bitterly if you are asking this
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because you think you may be in an abusive relationship I am NOT going to say you probably are or not don't know enough about the situation I will say that if you feel that way you are not in a healthy relationship though you need to decide what to do and what you want and deserve lean on people complete strangers will surprise you and be willing to help family and friends are closer than you suspect we tend to isolate ourselves in unhealthy abusive relationships and think we are alone you are not left her honestly after it was
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about the sixth time we were in a fight she was more manipulative and controlling and just abusive to me when she didn't get her way she called it being blunt and she did it because she loved me being blunt doesn't equal love how old are you woman please she hurt my feelings and pooped on my self-esteem and I was just miserable and it was showing to everyone even to my old man when I dumped her I felt nothing but amazing feelings of freedom and I'm still happy but man I will admit the sex was great I met her in my training class
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for a new position at my job and she happened to be from another department essential and new Department opened up and people needed to train for it we were selected she was really cute short big butt and a big chest and she seemed to like the same hobbies as I do but that changed she had three kids which was a warning sign I suppose but she seemed mature enough that I figured she was a responsible parent the relationship honestly was going good until she started to get possessive in a really bad way controlling and just really unpleasant to be around when this
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department opened up one of my supervisors switched to this new Department to help manage the team keep in mind I had known this supervisor for three prior to me meeting my new partner we had never been romantic never kissed held hands etc etc if I talked to this supervisor even to relay information pertaining to my position I would get in trouble if it was a work-related topic my significant other would huff and puff I am an active on border and had a really nice Hill in a local Canyon that I like to skate I would be on this hill
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maybe two hours a day several times a week and so on one day a nearby jogger female came up to talk to me nothing flirtatious or malicious because my GF was with me it was a light-hearted conversation about having seen each other in the canyon before she commented on my rad skating and continued on her jog never to be seen again my girlfriend exploded when she left stating I had been flirting I probably asked her for her number that I'm a pig bla bla bla I tried to tell her I am committed to her and that she was less than five feet away and if she had given me her number
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there was no way she wouldn't have seen it but for some reason logic didn't help here I ended up apologizing for being a good skater I guess and attracting the attention of a random stranger this got so bad that I tried to break up with her but she told me she was pregnant no it was a real possibility because we had sex a lot me being the individual I am I don't just want to walk out I stay try to make it work her possessive tendencies became unbearable and I told her I want to be in the child's life but I can't make
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things work the next two months were hell first she is pregnant she tells me I stressed her out and she lost it she is crying sobbing then she tells me that wait she had twins and lost one but still has the other I am still a dad but wait she tries to abort that to make me happy because we can't work as a couple but wait the abortion pill didn't work I'm still a dad but wait she lost it and I am no longer a dad she lost it not because she took some abortion pill but
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the stress I caused her for not being with her this was all over the course of two months and the worst part is she would show up to work and not work she would come to work and sit in the hallway with security guards and talk about me and what a bad person I am the bad thing is like I mentioned she had three kids wouldn't clock in to provide for her kids just walk into the building to annoy me sometimes hang out outside of my car at the very end of it all she admitted to never even being pregnant she even had friends matter her for lying to me because they were on her
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side threatening me etc then she ended up telling them she was never pregnant and I got apologies from them as well the whole thing was a rollercoaster ride and co-workers could see I was being abused I had a lot of people telling me she was crazy and they felt bad but dang I missed the way she bounced on my Diggler I hear she is pregnant again through someone else I have to for my long and buried love life crazy ex stalked me she was so obsessed that she skipped court-ordered supervised visits with her child from a previous relationship just to double back and
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check up on me which was a big factor in her permanently losing all of her parental rights to that child the main event at the end dragged on for weeks she disrupted my sleep showing up at all hours crying and banging on my door then she started breaking it as I slept but running off into the night before the sheriff could arrive finally one night I was nearly insane from sleep deprivation head games and gas lighting I screwed all of the doors and windows shut from the inside did a sweep of the whole house to make sure I was alone and she still got inside again and wrote
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crazy things on one of the walls and permanent magic marker from ceiling to floor and was chilling on the couch when I woke late the next morning not long after that she showed up and made a loud scene and broke a window in my doorframe trying to get into the house as I held the splintering door closed even though all of the neighbors spilled out of their houses and witnessed the whole thing with half a dozen 9-1-1 calls she still got away again before the police arrived finally there were witnesses and tangible damage and I was able to get the police and DEA to take me seriously male victim of domestic violence and get
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an emergency protective order finally the police dispatched ladies treated my calls with a modicum of respect instead of if she's not there anymore there's nothing we can do thanks bye click this woman was so crazy determined to keep bothering me that she showed up in court to contest the restraining order knowing she had warrants for her arrest the judge listened to both of us granted me the order for the maximum three years then two deputies appeared behind her and let her out of court in handcuffs that was the last time I ever saw or heard from her it was some time
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before I finally slept soundly the whole night she was a great girlfriend for almost a year then her junkie sister died and sent her into a spiral of misplaced guilt and suddenly unsuppressed molestation memory on a camping trip she found a Christmas card in my glove box addressed to me and my ex dated two months after we started dating from someone I hadn't talked to since the year before said nothing we had what seemed a nice trip together snuggled up for a nap in her bed when we got home and said our good-byes for the day she became convinced that I was
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cheating I think she started taking meth with her nephew who stayed with her for a month around the funeral given the level of crazy paranoia to follow started accusing me of all kinds of things and shook out a gunnysack of complaints perceived slides and imagined problems I'd allegedly committed throughout our relationship I ignored her resulting in three days of 75 to 1 ratio of crazy communication from her vs. come from me finally she showed up at my shop around midnight to collect a watch she had gifted me and wore once she was nice at first trying to
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apologize and reconcile I simply placed the watch into her hands let it fall to her feet when she refused to take it politely told her goodnight and closed the door cue the sharknado she started screaming and ugly crying that she wanted me to watch her kill herself as she stuffed handfuls of huge diabetes pills to her mouth with most all of them sprinkling to the ground when I continued to ignore her she started breaking my collection of plants potted in expensive ceramic pots the 9-1-1 operator could hear the crashes through two walls and closed
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doors when she started targeting customers cars on the glass front door I put the phone down and moved to stop her before she damaged expensive things she really couldn't afford martial arts training paid off I locked her in an armbar and led her toward the street where she crumpled to the ground breathlessly screaming that I raped and molested her just like her father did I held her in an arm bar till that police arrived and took custody of her a second unit arrived and that officer put handcuffs on me and started leading me to his car over my request he view the carnage she caused over by
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door one of the cops leading her to the first car spoke a number to him at which point my cop visibly deflated and said oh you're the victim and removed the cuffs when the cops and I finally walked back to the scene and they saw the carnage exactly as described dirt broken plants and pottery and huge white diabetes pills sprinkled everywhere each of them led out along she ended up on a psychiatric hold and a few days jail time she sent me a few nasty emails trying to turn the entire incident around on me and how she was the victim
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I told her to stop contacting me because she had committed domestic violence against me she scoffed that this was impossible because I was the man and she was the woman the judge didn't agree apparently without having to set foot in court he convicted her on two counts placed her on three years probation with mandatory psychiatric counseling applied the three-year maximum protective / no contact order and ordered her to pay restitution at the victim impact hearing the judge granted my full requested amount which will take almost three years of monthly payments on her income
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the kicker who accompanied her to court that day her father eventually she got drunk and punched me in the face hard enough to break my nose after about a year and a half of dealing with that crap I lost it I punched her back that time I only hit her the one time as soon as I did I freaked out like oh no I'm going to jail I got her in the side of the head pretty much right on her ear she ended up with as far as I know temporary damage to her inner ear she lost a lot of hearing in that ear and had trouble balancing for a while again
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temporarily so she called the police on me and ended up being the one in trouble after my story was confirmed by half healed bruises all over me where she would throw things or hit me and she didn't have a scratch besides the ear thing to back up her fake story that I hit her all the time and she hit me in the face and self-defense after I punched her I didn't press charges and we went our separate ways we got together at the age of 14 first three years of our relationship were perfect I couldn't ask for a better girlfriend but something changed in her she controlled all my
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finances she cheated on me she dictated who one could be friends with and then started hitting me the first time she hit me I had refused to eat a burrito I bought because I wanted to save it and eat it later she slapped me in the face and I brushed it off stuff like this happened loads but I brushed it off and didn't care about it one that stood out was I didn't indicate on an empty road at 2:00 a.m. and she punched me in the face and split my eye open that was a real eye-opener excuse the pun eventually she broke up with me after six years and I sat and thought about everything and realized I was
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abused it hurt but hey whole life goes on I've got a beautiful girlfriend now who's really understanding and actually makes me happy here's to happy endings eh if I could give any advice to guys being abused just leave and don't look back it's not worth it just go thanks for listening to another more serious episode of radio TTS hit the subscribe button and activate the Bell notification button I hope this video helps to show people that abuse does not only go towards women but men can be the victims too check out my
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