Social Anxiety - 6 Tips from a Navy SEAL

Social Anxiety - 6 Tips from a Navy SEAL

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00:08
Hey guys Sean Ryan with Vigilance Elite I did aq a a while back on the old IG and I got a question asking me if I deal with social anxiety and for anxiety and crowds and I thought that was a really good question and so I answered it and gave me an idea I thought I would do a video on it so I put a couple of feelers out on YouTube and Instagram and I was gonna cater this whole thing towards kind of combat that's transitioning and the social anxiety that we deal with coming back into regular society but I want to put the feelers out I realize totally shit a lot of people deal with this shit me included I deal with it probably on a daily basis if I leave my house so which
01:11
is why I bought a place out of the middle of fucking nowhere because I don't like talking to people and I get anxious when I have to go to social functions so so I'm just gonna talk about these six things that I've used to kind of help me power through that shit and overcome social anxiety so here we go social anxiety really hit me hard when I left CIA that's when it really kicked in for me I got out I left CIA I had no clue what the fuck I was gonna do where I was gonna go I had no hobbies other than drinking and which made me feel pretty fucking insecure especially when you go to these social functions and it's all you know doctors and lawyers
02:13
and fucking stockbrokers and this person has fucking truckload of money and this person you know and you just constantly feel like you're being judged because you don't really have anything going on at that time and for me the two questions that I fucking was terrified of is what do you do and what are your hobbies what do I do well I wasn't doing anything I could talk about actually I couldn't I couldn't even talk about what I did most of the shit for I never be able to talk about and that's fucking embarrassing to me it's well I'm you know for the past 14 years I've been doing this shit but I can't tell you anything about it and you know I'm it bothered me and then the other one was you know what are your hobbies well I don't have any fucking hobbies other than getting shit-faced from the time I get up until the time I
03:14
go to sleep and I don't sleep so those are two questions that I would avoid and I amongst the whole slew other emotions but and things that I was dealing with but I found a couple of things that helped me out and I've kind of broken them up a little bit here two things that get me through social events still to this day I still use this shit everywhere I go is one I don't ever put myself in a situation that I cannot get myself out of to I need to find things that boost my confidence doesn't mean when I mean confidence I don't mean you don't have to be the loudest motherfucker in the room and the one that talks the most you just have to find things that make you confident which make you a little more comfortable in that particular setting so let's go through these six things so the first thing that I do is
04:19
that kind of helps me and it relates to I don't ever put myself in a situation that I can't get out of is I don't do fucking ubers I don't do taxis I don't do burrs I don't let friends drive I don't ride with people I want my car with my car keys in my pocket that way if I feel the anxiety is starting to come on and I don't want to be there anymore I know I can get the fuck out of there at a moment's notice doesn't mean you can't take a taxi out of there but at least you have that sense of comfort and which gives you a little confidence knowing all right if I am in a situation that I just don't want to fucking be in socially I'll just leave and that gives you a little bit of comfort you don't have to wait on a taxi or call an uber or make a big scene you just fucking leave so that would be my first piece of my first tip take your own car if you
05:20
get drunk leave it there go get it tomorrow but at least you have it hotel rooms as I kind of mentioned before and if you want to get more in depth you can click the link above and listen to the tnq podcast I was on but I had ruined every relationship all of them and it got real fucking awkward even with family I'm still rebuilding that and I still get a little anxious sometimes friends family everyone if I'm gonna go on an overnighter somewhere I always run a hotel it gives me my little buddy we'll just call it a safe space but if I start getting angry or anxious a lot of times my anxiety switches to anger immediately I know I need to leave before shit gets bad and knowing that I have a hotel somewhere I can go to it comforts me and gives me that confidence
06:21
knowing like alright if things get out of control or if I just don't want to fucking be here I don't have to make a scene and go out you know I'm fucking leaving alright it's just no I just I have my hotel I go there I fucking cool off nobody even has to know why you're going maybe you just say oh yeah I'm gonna go turn some emails and or I'm gonna go I gotta make a phone call real quick go over there go back to your hotel or wherever it is and you know do the whole blue shopping code words and or little phrases that you can say to a friend or your significant other or whoever alright but it has to be somebody that you can really fucking count on okay I use my fiance Katie my special lady friend and she knows when I say this is my favorite song it's time to fucking roll I'm feeling uneasy and it's time to
07:23
get the fuck out of there and she makes it happen I don't have to do shit she comes up with the excuse on why we're leaving or she just says hey Sean I want to go and then it's not even me it's her I just nobody now I've got to change it cuz everybody's gonna know when I say this is my favorite song it's time to fucking roll but come up with anything and it's got to be somebody that you trust you can't have can't be your buddy who's trying to pick up fucking chicks at the bar who is not gonna listen it can't be you know the football game nut that's gonna sit there and go just wait till the end of the fucking quarter when you say it it needs to be somebody you trust that when you do say it they're gonna wrap it up then you're out the fucking door and just knowing that you have that phrase and knowing that you have somebody that has your back no matter what is gonna help give you that confidence and it's gonna put you it it's gonna put you you know at ease a little more it's gonna make it a little more comfortable
08:23
and boom there's back to I don't put myself in situations that I can't get myself out of so find somebody a trust maybe it's just significant other maybe it's your best friend I don't know who the hell it is but find somebody come up with something and stick with it don't feel like you have to talk all the time alright I get intimidated all the fucking time when I'm out in social settings especially in the very beginning when I got out about four years ago it was real bad you know you constantly feel like people are putting you down they might not even mean it but you don't always have to talk quick story I used to go out to dinner all the time when I first got out my neighbor's mom her name was burned and she was probably mid seventies early eighties eighties she's passed away now but I really liked
09:23
going out to dinner with her because I felt comfortable with her and I would tell her you know she would ask why I don't go out more why don't you know go to these social functions more and I would tell her like I'm fucking intimidated I live in Boca Raton Florida and every motherfucker I meet is a fucking plastic surgeon for a doctor or a stockbroker or a money manager or some badass attorney and Here I am NOT doing shit don't have a clue what the fuck I'm gonna do I'm a social mess and so I wouldn't go anywhere and when I did I wouldn't say anything I'm not a talker and I remember fern told me Shawn you don't have to say shit she's like she said to me just by you sitting there and listening with your background makes the entire room intimidated she's like
10:24
you're and she's like I can't even believe they're telling me that you're intimidated by these people she said just do what you do just take it in listen to them you know people love to talk about themselves let them talk about themselves alright so and I thought about that and I tried it and I'll be damned I think she's fucking right so don't feel the need that you have to fucking talk don't be the person that's you know live live live a blob that doesn't shut the fuck up okay just take a wrap off you know did you feel in anxious then just take a wrap off stop and just listen you know you don't have to have some badass explanation every question that's asked and you know I mean if you don't understand something that somebody's saying tell him yeah I don't have a quote what the fuck you're talking about I do that shit all the time and you know
11:25
it kind of is uncomfortable at first but then when they realize oh yeah I'm talking over this guy's head and he's got the confidence to say yeah you're not fucking impressing me why don't you just dial it down a little bit to fucking layman's terms I don't know what the fuck surgery you're talking about here so anyways that ship really helped me a lot drinking this is the one nobody wants to hear but when you're in a social setting at least how I was is I would pound fucking vodka non-stop straight vodka on the rocks well if this kind of goes back to getting yourself into something that you can't get yourself out of once you're fucking hammered you're hammered which means you can't reverse it you can't get yourself out of it you're just there and I don't know you guys are but when I'm hammered nothing really good ever happens my anxiety gets worse eventually the
12:30
anger gets worse a lot worse and I wind up doing shit that I regret in the long-term so take a wrap off you know how I did it is I don't drink hard shit anymore don't do shots of the fucking whiskey I don't do shots of anything I drink wine I have a couple glasses and I call it quits there's another thing I get made fun of sometimes cuz I drink bubbly out of the can but here's the deal its water with bubbles in it now look I have an adult drink it gives my hands something to do my hands are doing something part of anxiety for me was what the fuck do I do with my hands now that I'm not drinking anymore well now I have a drink it looks
13:32
like you know it's got bubbles in it looks like it's a fucking vodka tonic or something and it gives me something to do and I found these like they're nobody's business but lay off the booze it's gonna nothing bad it's gonna happen by you laying off those I guaran-fucking-tee you that and the last thing get some therapy all right I went to therapy for I believe three years twice a week every fucking week that is a lot of therapy so and you know what it helped me tremendously and I know you know there's like the the stigma behind it where oh yeah I don't need any fucking help and you know if you're like that and you're worried about what everybody else is thinking of it you're fucking weak alright so just try it nobody maybe it
14:33
doesn't work for you I don't know but I tell you the one thing that helped me more than anything was going to therapy getting some help and it's not all like what you think we're like oh you know talking about your fucking problems it also helps you understand what's going through other people's heads and when you can understand what's going through other people's minds that gives you confidence because you don't take shit so personally you realize not everything this asshole is talking about is directed at me in fact I have nothing to do with it you know and that puts you at ease and then you start you start building that confidence you know you understand you start to understand how the human mind thinks and and look I you're not gonna regret going to therapy and if somebody's gonna give you shit for it they're not your fucking friend anyway so tell them to fuck off but anyways those are six things that have really helped me a lot I still
15:38
struggle with it but I'm leaps and bounds where I was and anyways remember those things find ways to build your confidence and don't put yourself into a situation that you can't get out of and those two things combined I think will really help you up if you think about it so anyways not my typical video and I'm a not an expert by any fucking means but uh hopefully that shit helps alright see you guys soon go grab a bubbly social anxiety I think it he'll have a lot more of us have it than I thought we did so I'm just gonna try to cater it towards everyone so I'm not a fucking expert on this shit by any means but I do deal with it probably damn near on a bait on a mother fuck fuck fuck hey guys Sean Ryan vigilance elite
17:00
hey guys Sean Ryan vigilance elite and there's a fucking airplane going over right now so I'm just gonna stop and wait till this fucking piece of shit flies over my property a lot of it boils down to confidence and when I mean confidence I don't being in the loudest fucking asshole in the room yeah of course it's another fucking plane hey guys Sean Ryan vigilance elite I put a little feeler out on

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