How To Communicate With Men

How To Communicate With Men

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Hey everybody, Mat Boggs here, creator of Cracking the Man Code. One of the questions that has plagued men for centuries is: What do women want? I heard this funny story the other day about this guy who’s walking along the beach, stubs his toe, and looks down and picks up a lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out and the genie says, “Thank you! Thank you for freeing me from this lamp. I will grant you any wish you want.” And so the man says, “Oh my gosh, man. I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m afraid of flying. I would love to be able to drive to Hawaii. I’m on the west coast. I would love a road that would take me all the way from California to Hawaii. It would be the most epic road trip of all time. If I could just drive, that would be amazing.” And the genie says, “Hm. You know, a road to Hawaii would be an engineering miracle – the amount of concrete this requires, how deep the Pacific Ocean goes, the pillars.” He said, “I don’t know if I could handle that. Is there anything else that you would want besides a road to Hawaii?”
01:02
The man said, “Well, I’ve always been plagued with what women want. I have no idea. If you could just tell me what women want, that would be awesome.” And the genie says, “How many lanes do you want that road?” And I love that story because one of the burning questions that we have as men is how do we please you? How do we deliver what it is that we want for you? And as I was contemplating this question – and through my experiences and my relationships and my coaching clients – I’ve realized that one of the challenges is how we’re communicating with each other, both men and women. The definition of communication is the result that we’re getting. If we’re not getting the result that we want, we need to change how we’re communicating. One of the ways that, if you want a man to step up to the plate and serve you better, if you want a man to know what it is that you want and how to really be the man that he could fully be in the relationship, there’s one key that could help that, and that is to be direct with what it is that you’re asking for. This is counterintuitive because most women think that being direct is actually being
02:03
naggy or being needy. Ironically it’s what men want most because many women haven’t been wired up to communicate directly; they’ll communicate indirectly. I’ll give you an example. When my wife and I were dating, we went to Vegas and on our last day there, I’m down in the casino and I’m watching my favorite football team. It’s the playoffs and I’m watching the Pittsburgh Steelers and they’re playing and I’m all into this game. She comes up to me and she says, “Hey, we need to get the valet ticket out of the hotel room so that we can pull the car around. Would you like to come with me?” Her question was, “Would you like to come with me and get this ticket?” I’m watching my favorite football team, I just got a beer in my hand, and I’m thinking to myself, “No. I really don’t want to go up there and get this valet ticket with you. I would love for you to go get it and then bring it down.” But that really wasn’t her question. Her question is, “I would love it if you would come with me. Would you be willing to come?” And that’s a very important nuance for better communication in relationships. Men have a tendency – we’re honest.
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We will tell you want we want and what we don’t want. Do I want to go up there? No. But am I willing and would I be willing to step into helping you go because I know that’s what you want? Absolutely. If you’re wanting someone in a relationship, don’t ask the guy, “Do you want to do this?” A much better phrase of that is, “I would love it if you would do this.” I’ll give you one more quick example. One of my great buddies just got married. It’s Friday night, his wife’s staying late at work and she tells him, “Hey, I’ve got this company party to go to so I’m not sure if it’s going to be cool or not, but I’ll give you a call when I’m at the party and then maybe we can hook up and do something.” Well, in the meantime, he calls me up, finds out what I’m doing. He comes over, we’re going to watch a movie. He get a beer, hasn’t even opened it yet, sits down, and he gets a text from his wife saying, “Hey, I’m at this company party. It’s pretty cool. Do you want to come out and meet me?” And he’s reading this text to me going, “Do I want to come out and meet you?” He’s like, “Do I be honest in this moment? Because I really don’t want to drive 25 miles to her work and go meet her for this company party. I’ve just chilled out, I’m about to drink a beer.
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I would much rather hang out here and have her come over here.” And then, right as we’re discussing his, he gets another text and it’s her sending him the address. And he’s like, “Okay, I guess she really wants me to come out there and meet her.” And a much more effective way of communicating from her perspective would’ve been, “Hey, I’m at this company party. I would love it if you would come out and meet me,” because what you’re doing there is you’re telling a man how to deliver you happiness. Remember, one of our key motivators is to deliver happiness to you. It’s to be the provider and the man that you want. If you just clearly ask us, “Hey, this is what I would love. Would you be willing to do this for me?” we will rise to the challenge. If you ask us, “Hey, do you want to do this?” that’s an indirect communication and we’re going to answer it directly, “No, I don’t really want to but I’d be willing to if you want me to.” So I hope that serves you. Take that to heart, start using that in your relationship and I guarantee you’re going to build stronger, deeper connection with your man.
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As always, there are links below this video for additional resources that will serve you. If you’re not subscribed, make sure you get subscribed to this channel, and I look forward to talking to you soon.

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