The.Benny.Hill.Show.1969.S02E03

The.Benny.Hill.Show.1969.S02E03

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Language: English

Type: Robot

Number of phrases: 473

Number of words: 3190

Number of symbols: 13615

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00:09
Jim take off my dress very welcome in Haiti no my slip very well moment no my corset very well no well no don't ever let me catch you're wearing my clothes l.joe now one day I saw in girona by a river so quieted remote ain't lovely girl from
00:56
the college they were all in the thing and if they rode in unison by me I gallantly raised my hat and I think with this I I wish that I could stroke the crew just like that I'm flying south for the summer we go now outside a bar equal lado where Murray had had more than her fill a man stopped rotating a chicken on a flaming hot infrared grill now she staggered up
01:34
to him and she shouted with a voice just like a town crier she thinks in your your barrel organ is broken once for your monkeys on fire oh right stop lover now the paintings big Anna from Lisbon once ordered a snake way you take it man or shall I say I just want to look at it because I've been dieting like a chump and that's what I will ask and I just want to see
02:14
what it looks like in one I'm now the amazing with Molina I slid on a bus from Marseille she was hanging on tight by the strap on a sleeping old gentleman now when he awoke from its l'Opera he saw everyone staring at him and thinking it was he shirt tail he slyly Charlie nice to be with you once again now one of the most popular shows on television is the one that reruns those
03:20
great moments of sport well we thought it was time we showed you the other side of the coin big boy Paulo Roberto Chuck mccreaney Joe Jim between each old gentlemen I'm delighted to welcome to the show petticoat and Vine baby it these tool told us that more skill was required in cutting off the enemy's head
07:59
than shrinking it like they're doing here to the size of an orange we all know someone we'd like to do that to which doctor here he is gazing into his magic box while he eats dried goat's milk with a primitive wooden spoon he is strong ruthless fearless but above all
08:32
consanguineous to be given in marriage to booty doubtless you're asking yourself why this virile young man is to marry this old ugly wizened hag she owns the house they are to live it is a contradictory one if after six months the young man hasn't helped joy with this woman he may leave her never to return in that case he will find himself a young bride like this 17-year old girl
09:04
here she is at the water's edge Magpies on in a minute sitting watching children's programs all the afternoon you should be out getting some exercise getting rid of some of that set exercise gets rid of fat well now come you got a double chin then when I think I used to
09:46
go out with Willy Treader now there was a man he had class he had intelligence and he had taste he married someone else what not anymore you done yes dear no dear yours 50 years old chasing halfway around the world with a 17 year old chorus girl I mean what sort
10:50
of life is that for a man oh thank you very much lazy good-for-nothing Pig what did John Wayne answer to that thing dear your wife what I ever made as ugly as that come you know I think I think she is rather attractive we are your new
11:35
neighbors we have just moved in next door I do call me Bob much more friendly you know how I don't get the man should be the master in the house always Oh true yes true oh thank you very much most civil of you yes yes you may find the way we'll take a little bit of getting used to you rather unconventional really
12:09
you know two's company three's a crowd and four is a great deal more fun that is if they are broad-minded you was lucky to find us at home oh I am I heard you were talking oh yes well that was just a little tiff actually Henry wouldn't swap me for anything you mean what I think you mean well you know what they say a Henry M X you know change as good as a rest isn't it no I
12:47
don't think I could I've been brought up that way I can't ever imagine myself doing anything who's going to be mother
13:25
don't start that again dear she'll go without milk I seem to be getting on
14:12
very well together that's that's a good sign you know what I mean to say Henry I mean they like each other and we get along well together you know after you'll be married to the same woman for quite some time you begin to fancy a child no you fancy something well I mean Henry we could swap wives temporarily of course as I realize I mean you wouldn't want to part with your little Alice forever now would you I
15:02
really fancy you know I could really fancy a little romp in the hay with uh whoa I mean I have to know what do you say to it all well I don't know I mean it's wrong who says it's wrong well my doctor says it's wrong for a star he says I wasn't to make love to anyone except my wife he says I wasn't to get
15:26
excited oh she will my wife will don't you worry I know my wife and yeah once I get your little Alice next door you know who I'm the old charm just think I'll go and find the little boy's room but no
16:05
need to show me I'll think I'll know the way I say they robbed my mouth like you know rather nice-looking you said he's like got some new contemptible furniture night house thought you might you've got something to show me oh yeah as a matter of fact all I have would you like to come next door have a little think on yes he doesn't hang about does he tell you something else more don't I
17:02
I assure you're like mummy mummy daddy told you oh he's nice isn't he ask me got saucy eyes I do mind but I'll be like that in 30 years time
17:35
in 30 years time I won't care I made this for you would you make that yes very nice can I just try a little bit yes I never miss a nice cream sundae they make my own ice cream on lemon
18:09
juice but never on Sunday time now for just a few of those TV moments when things go awry here are a
18:27
couple of interesting items no no I wouldn't change for anything I wouldn't really well that's what we usually find
19:22
most does users won't change anything at the moment you will add watched in in DOS why don't you kiss me you used to did I I haven't changed you know haven't you no good evening here is the news the Prime Minister seen here with members of the cabinet
20:09
economic policy it is hope these sheep that you can see here top Shepherd unlike other shepherds he uses no dog as these sheep will follow him anywhere that's no wonder we all get calls this weather but we needn't suffer from them because benefit attacks the cold germs three ways here at the throat prevailing that thought feeding that you get here at the eyes preventing running and here
20:48
at the nose prevailing that stuffed up feeling that you get because in the nose don't carry on my god if I can't have you Fiona nor shall he Bruce what's come over you I've never seen you like this before and I hope you'll never see me like this again I'm sorry Fiona but when you mention dick everything went black this country struck first whisper that's it what cut I didn't mean could you see
21:49
your firm if Darren Desmond's free John when you welcome please the lovely Kiki Dee I got mad who's the door but you said try just once more I chose you so much fun you've always shown me that loving you is well
22:57
but a wedding - loving you I'll spend my so she came and you took control you fetch my very soul you always show me that okay into are you all right oh man no no no you can't go doing things like that you know yes papa you can't smash bottles on the pavement
25:07
yeah well you can't marry the police force we want or have we the police force we deserve they are useless we have all been brainwashed into believing the things are what they are not and
25:56
they're not I mean what happens you switch onto television somebody commits a hyenas crime quit stealing available mink bars there get in touch with the sight danger man CID squad Zig cars Ford squadron Special Branch and Randall and hopsack apprehended in rung in 35 minutes my bicycle pump was stolen eight weeks ago didn't even check for fingerprints all
26:28
they said was next time you going to the dog and dog take your bicycle pumping with you somebody stole that bloody bicep you see the police they won't leave my boy alone it's absolute purgative for him he's never done anything wrong in his whole life after this whole life he hasn't you asked his probation officer he said he said that the sky contras like said he had some psychopath dependencies can you see he hits these old ladies cause he hates his father you see that's why he hits them because he
27:03
hates his father his father kill him he knows you see that he it's wrong to do all these things like stealing lead and that you see the right way well he does but he still gets caught Brixton pulled it all down his father assumed would seize him every day every day they share the same salary I'll tell you something that man's a saint
27:36
he's an absolute Saint as well I tell you something when he was in Wormwood Scrubs he got time off for good behavior what other wife can say that my husband I really have my daughter as well she's just gone down the supermarket to make something for to get something for son do you know something when she was give that lovely mink coat she had a 4,000 pound mink coat Giver by this very nice lorry driver and you know she'd give it straight to me and you
28:08
know something that first night I wore it out I was questioned by the police anyone think they'd never seen a lady with a mink coat before I mean just cause I was coming at the bottom of jug wearing carpet slippers and a pink car well I mean why don't the police don't get some of these motorists and leave ordinary people like us alone that's what I say no I tell you sell it like the police the police are only here to protect the property at a middle-class listen if it wasn't for private property you'd need no police force one man would
28:39
you look and I tell you something else like if there was no private property you'd have no wars cause if we nothing to kill for we're men don't you understand it you wonder what we believe in you wonder what we all believe in I'll tell you what we believe we we don't believe in yours we don't believe in mine we only believe in ours cuz all the beautiful things that world are there for everybody to enjoy now for us to have regardless of race color or creed or anything anybody wants even has every right to take what they want to make that's what it's about man whose
29:10
pigs by bloody motorbike in the police station I have with me Detective Inspector scuffle oh now inspector you have heard the accusations yes what have you got to say piffle it's full of patel you something sir the British law Court is one of the few
29:56
remaining places in the world where true and honest justice is dispensed with police brutality balderdash because you're one of your own sergeants from this station was reported in the local press for alleged brutality local papers are always doing it it's these criminal correspondence sir that criminal only last week I was referred to as a Detective Inspector in the police force inspector they retracted I know they
30:34
said I worked in the police force as an effective inspector I'll put you in the picture see you in its entirety sir all those pots he is a very shy delicate sensitive highly strung Detective Sergeant oh yes he was called to this house where a 35
31:05
stone ex-convict was nothing up his dearly beloved with a crowbar the others upon entering Potts was severely struck on the head with a mahogany wardrobe severely confusing his nose and breaking one nostrils that is where he went wrong he went wrong he laid a hand on him saying as he did so who's the naughty boy then he had no right doing that son but you must understand it with things
31:39
at the moment he had his nose broken yes well I must say that I shouldn't like to have my nose broken I don't know a plastic surgeon could do a lot with her nose like your could we talk about arrests yes I see on the other graph that during the early months of the year the weren't many arrests and then suddenly in September this sudden shooting up obviousness that is about who was responsible for that
32:08
ha well I would say that basically policewoman Goosen police woman was but it was partly her that your son she was making up the chapel with my trunk in my hands what you might call a collision ensues that accounts for that sharp rise in September that is the truth about the early months I mean
33:01
you've got a made any arrests at all but you can't just go arrest anybody you've gotta keep to the regulation the other thing one of our fellows he was outside the greengrocers shop so he saw a nice skinny girl go in sir yes a minute afterwards the same Kokoro comes out with a beautifully rounded thicker sir and half a minute afterwards the green grocer comes out saying two melons was missing well sir I mean the constable gave chase tapped her on the shoulder
33:32
she turned round a very was face to face with two of that one of the moon I mean he must 99% sure we're there nothing's worth sir but he couldn't and then he found out what did he find out as a foreigner oh she was a tourist an au pair girl he had to explain to her in mine and he's no Marco Marco but but was an
34:10
arrest finally made yes sir but we got him off inspector obviously the most satisfying thing in the police force like any other profession is success absolutely like running up a gang of criminals don't go to Z Scotland yeah
34:40
send us these clowns photograph to these fellows service within 24 hours we had 11 of them under lock and key and we are hoping to arrest the 12th one by this time tomorrow but inspector these are 12 different photographs of the same man oh well nevermind we got him and we say either we've got infer because his picture must be license we don't know what about the other 11 that did you've already got locked up kid on that there
35:14
the jury remember until next week Claude was a penniless actor Pierre was a rich banker and so Fifi married Pierre and installed Claude as their Butler this didn't work Clawd return that as the show fair this failed Claude returned as the gardener but when he turned up and the maid his
37:58
troubles really started and when you made arrived and he was obliged to share a room with her it was honest found out he had to share a bed with her it really was too much for you and so Fifi remained faithful to her husband after all better an old husband than a lover who is a nervous wreck there's six number one myths come on the club now he was probably holding the [ __ ] part
40:38
because he's been making the baby because he was j-jimmy saveloy then right oh we go now that of course was the hairy fairies with a new record or smashing record Bubba this one a healthy Fabolous record with its in the papers on the front side and kiss me again if I told you a lovely figure we go then and here we are we go to Twitter
41:58
listen song and it's called all day long he's whistling and so he's never said people come from miles around to hear his whistling song when they hear him whistling and the one who's won the prize there it's gonna get a prize now and she's gonna get it from your old friend Tony Blackburn Marvis as he fantastic last
43:16
girl we had doing that we found out after she had a lighted cigarette down the back of her dress I told her to go and sit that one out and here's his bhabhi gently wear the latest and it's the dustbins of your mind didn't drink or smoke your dope with girls till he was India story he got a terrible rub his back with whiskey and me broke
44:13
his lip just tryna make so remarriage to Farmer Dagwood forest spotted sound he said he'll make a thoughtful husband warms his hands before he knows waste my youth in beauty he's it just cause there's snow up on the roof don't mean there inna now then boys and girls the ladies and gentleman I don't have to touch this handsome young fellas samples on me now well say young filly for young anyway
45:26
and is Roy Orpington anyway well Roy now he's gonna sing it smashing song it's puppet series you're gonna join me the lonely aah my heart here we are a new record it's the spatulas and up you
48:31
yes mother nature she's locked and then she stuck her tongue in it and spawn that's what's awkward now boys and girls anyway and we're going out with a number one and it's Ronny Aldridge and the layabouts and here they are come on

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