5 Subconscious Beliefs Narcissistic Parents Teach That Keep You In Narcissistic Relationships

5 Subconscious Beliefs Narcissistic Parents Teach That Keep You In Narcissistic Relationships

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00:00
hey guys today i want to talk about how your subconscious mind can keep you from breaking the cycle of narcissistic abuse okay so if you find yourself in patterns patterns where you are either with a romantic person that winds up um high on a scale of malignant narcissism or in friendships that are recreating these narcissistic tendencies or these narcissistic dynamics you're going to want to watch this video for anyone that doesn't know me my name
00:31
is michelle i'm a life and relationship coach i specialize in narcissistic abuse recovery and cptsd recovery i'm also the founder of the thriver school of transformation i'll leave the link there for anyone that wants to check it out but it's a place where we meet live weekly to work through the side effects of narcissistic abuse and ptsd together we do that live on zoom meetings okay so today i really want to focus on how your subconscious keeps you stuck in programs that keep you repeating toxic relationships
01:02
let's say we have them memorized and we can talk about what a narcissist or a malignant manipulative narcissist looks like in such detail like we it almost feels like sometimes we have a degree in narcology right and we have all that information if we have certain subconscious beliefs at the moment we are around another malignant narcissist those subconscious beliefs can kick on and when they kick on they override whatever is in your
01:34
logical mind okay the subconscious mind has way more power than our conscious mind so this is what happens this is what it looks like when your subconscious hijacks you and causes you to fall for another narcissist okay you're out of a relationship you don't ever want to be around somebody like that again you start dating and you start noticing red flags you start noticing the red flags and
02:05
your conscious mind kicks on and is like oh michelle this person is toxic look at this red flag look at that red flag but if you haven't done the inner work to upgrade your subconscious beliefs your subconscious mind will kick on and you will gaslight yourself by saying something like oh no you're being too sensitive oh you're just you know you're just not um you're just hyper vigilant because of
02:35
what you went through and you'll get confused and the subconscious belief will feel more powerful than the conscious belief and i want to talk about this because when somebody's been through narcissistic abuse and they didn't know anything about narcissistic abuse obviously when they stumble on information that talks about what a malignant narcissist is what a covert narcissist is what narcissistic parents look like how they what they teach their
03:06
children and how it affects them it's super super validating right the information is so valuable because you finally start to make sense of your life however if we stop there and we just you know focus our attention on learning about the narcissist while we can identify malignant narcissists that doesn't mean that we won't fall for one now why can i say that
03:37
well if we know what narcissistic abuse or narcissistic people look like and we know the red flags and the reason is is because if somewhere in your past somebody caused you to not trust yourself then you have a belief that you can't trust yourself your inner compass has been damaged and when it kicks on that you can't trust yourself you will stop trusting yourself and that's how sometimes so many people get
04:08
sucked back in they'll look back and be like man i saw those red flags why didn't i listen to myself well the reason is because in order to trust ourselves we have to upgrade that subconscious belief we can't just expect time to do it time will not change your subconscious beliefs you can learn things on a conscious level but in order for it to become lasting change or information that really penetrates your subconscious you have to do the inner work to upgrade
04:39
those beliefs something else that will kick on another subconscious belief is boundaries are bad so obviously on a conscious level you know that's not true you know that everyone should be allowed to have physical and emotional boundaries right it's very easy to understand on a conscious level but when you're around somebody and you have to put down a boundary or you have to enforce a boundary your body feels overwhelming there's a heaviness
05:09
in your body hormones in your body get activated that cause you to feel stress and as if you're doing something wrong and that comes from your subconscious if you had a belief in the past where let's say you were raised with a narcissistic parent that made you feel like boundaries were unloving and that boundaries were something bad right that belief gets kicked on and when it gets kicked on it sends your body into such a discomfort
05:41
that in the moment you start to think that you're doing something wrong by putting down that boundary so any conscious logic of boundaries are good goes out the window when that subconscious belief kicks on what comes up in our body the feelings and the emotions that come up in our body will always have more power than our logical mind because the subconscious is what shows up in
06:12
your body okay and again we know that our conscious mind operates maybe five percent of our life while our subconscious operates like 95 so it's the subconscious belief that is overriding your logic something else that as people are learning about narciss the narcissist they learn that the narcissist is really one-sided right the relationships are one-sided and so on a logical level you start to think well i deserve reciprocity you know i want relationships that are reciprocal
06:42
back and forth give and take and it sounds good and in the moment while you're not in a relationship with somebody or you're not close to people for whatever reason right maybe you've backed off because of the toxic relationship so you're rebuilding your support system it's easy to to live in that reality that you deserve reciprocity however once you start making friends with people or going into romantic relationships at the moment where you
07:12
notice that things aren't reciprocal and now you have to actually do something to make sure that they are reciprocal right because it's our job we teach people how to treat us so sometimes in order to to maintain reciprocity sometimes we have to be the one to talk about ourselves right where yes we make it about the other person but we also share or we might have to say no or we might have to ask them for something right just like sometimes they
07:44
ask us for something at those moments if there's a belief that has not been reprogrammed or updated then let's say in the past you were made to feel like any time you asked something for you it was met with something negative right or you know when you did actually voice something and show that you mattered to you if it was always met with something negative if you were punished or made to
08:14
feel bad any time you expected from the relationship which happens if you are raised with narcissistic parents they teach you that it's all about them anything about you you know is going to be met with displeasure punishment or something emotionally painful well that has dented your nervous system so anytime you now have to do something to ensure reciprocity your nervous system starts going off like the alarm bells are like blaring
08:47
really loud and you have a body response to that if you haven't done the inner work to upgrade it it's going to override the logic that you deserve reciprocity number four is the belief that it's your job to shape shift to make sure everyone else is happy okay so if you were raised in a way that you had to be um you know you had to change you constantly to try to pacify
09:20
a narcissistic parent well there's a belief that other people's emotions and feelings are your responsibility and that it's your job to do whatever is needed including sacrifice self in order to make them happy well again if you learned about the narcissist and you learn that they regulate themselves or other people and you realize that you just want to um have relationships where other people are responsible for
09:52
their feelings and you're only responsible for your own that on a logical level that sounds good and you get it it makes sense but if you have not upgraded that subconscious belief is going to kick on and the moment that you are doing or saying something that makes the other person unhappy that's going to kick on in your body and it's going to feel so uncomfortable that it's almost like a program gets kicked on in the body and it's going to
10:22
cause you to change whatever you were doing that was making them unhappy so that they're happy the fifth subconscious belief is i'm not allowed to be authentic or authenticity is dangerous okay if you were raised where you were not allowed to be you and if you had narcissistic parents you were not allowed to be you being authentic meant some you were separate from them and they couldn't handle that and so you're probably punished for it
10:52
well in order to not fall for somebody that's toxic you have to be able to be authentic and you have to be able to stay you because a narcissistic person is constantly testing people to see if they can cause them to be or act or feel outside of the boundaries of who they really are so if you haven't updated that belief what will happen is at those moments where you have to be authentic and explain something or be you or stay in your reality
11:23
it will be too hard because again once those subconscious beliefs kick on they cause your body to feel things that are extremely extremely powerful in the body and that can override the conscious mind and the last subconscious belief that gets kicked on that causes you that can cause you to wind up getting sucked into a relationship with a narcissist is this thought that i need someone outside of myself to heal me
11:54
in order to feel good now this is a subconscious belief that gets kicked on because in childhood you did need somebody outside of yourself you should have had somebody outside of yourself that helped you with your wounds and sorry about the lighting uh changes obviously the sun is going in and out of the clouds from my patio outside and it's causing some freaky lighting issues but anyway
12:29
going back to that last one in childhood you should have had somebody that helped you to heal your emotional wounds every child needs that no child has the emotional maturity to work through their own emotions right they need somebody outside of self if you didn't get that then there might still be a belief that you need someone outside of you so that you can feel confident and enough and grounded
12:59
and if that subconscious belief is there narcissists know they test it and if we if you take the bait then they will pretend to heal that wound to lure you in and you'll fall for it because the subconscious belief will kick on and i'm hoping you realize with each one of these points the reality is is that our subconscious has more power than our conscious mind so my whole point of this video my whole point
13:30
is to encourage you yes you're learning about the narcissist yes you are learning about the red flags you need to know that information but don't stop there take it to the next step and learn about you learn what subconscious programs are inside of you because if you don't know what is outside of our conscious awareness can have a lot of power and if we don't understand it then those programs are going to get kicked on and we're going to be confused
14:02
as to how or why we're getting sucked back into the same things and there's nothing worse than losing years of your life in relationships that were like sucking you of life right emotionally even physically and to continue to repeat them so my advice is to turn the focus inward it's not as comfortable it is more comfortable to look at the narcissist and look outside of self
14:33
right because that causes us to feel frustrated and anger but being frustrated and angry are emotions that feel more empowering than looking within and seeing the vulnerable emotions like pain self-abandonment fear anxiety those emotions are uncomfortable to look at but if you're willing to look within and you're willing to upgrade your subconscious beliefs that's the right way to
15:04
um overcome narcissistic abuse and to never fall for one again if you struggle doing this i'll leave the link here to the thriver school of transformation where we meet live weekly and that's what we do we work through those side effects together so for example uh last month we talked about deconstructing the self-image of the narcissist we're in a new month in the month of october we're going to talk about how to overcome the social anxiety that often comes as a result of narcissistic abuse so you don't have to
15:35
do it alone feel free to join us the link will take you to a seven day free trial period where you can taste what it's like to be in the school and then if you choose to stay with us then the cost of the school is 79 a month and there's probably between 10 and 12 live meetings that you can choose from so if you're ready to look within and do the inner work come join us

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