Narc Survivor Interview with Ebru Tongar

Narc Survivor Interview with Ebru Tongar

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Language: English

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Number of phrases: 433

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00:00
oh there you are great yes great perfect how are you i'm all good thanks how are you thank you so much um welcome to my channel um you're still on the trip how's the trip going um no i'm actually i'm not on a trip at the moment now it's uh it's all finished oh great and went pretty well so uh we start uh mr questions um i'm curious about your channel can you
00:37
tell me how you start your channel and your motivation for it um it's really um something that started in childhood i think um you know i was preconditioned from growing up in a narcissistic family which then led me to attract other people who have a similar personality
01:09
there are other people who felt that they um you know they had to be in a position of authority and they needed someone to look down on and someone took control and of course you know was preconditioned to be that person yes and i think most of us are you know we are conditioned to be that person which is then how
01:41
these individuals end up around us is it called trauma bond what you have experienced definitely yeah i would say that i have experienced a trauma bond i see that as um you know it's something where we just we return to the person who hurt us thinking that they're the only ones who can fix us but of course every time we return they
02:14
just hurt us again and again and how did you manage to get out i mean it's i know it's not that easy but it takes years but um you've become very successful you said chinese you're in a situation where you are able to help others to support others how did you do it how did you manage it well it definitely wasn't something that happened overnight it was um it took a long time of um you know recovering from everything i went through
02:48
along with um researching and then just gradually building it up video by video which then uh you know it attracted a lot of attention from uh you know the viewers who resonate with the information and you know that was confirmation for me that i wasn't alone it wasn't just me you know a lot of other people had experienced this exactly you also
03:21
mentioned that you watched these videos on youtube and uh did also a therapy um that's right you know in the beginning i was just trying to find answers myself and so i watched a lot of videos and you know i felt like finally there were people who understood what i went through it's like finally i had the answers and i felt like it was only right for me
03:55
to to share those answers with other people is it that moment when you realize it you have to do with narcissism when did you realize the issue of narcissism it's funny actually uh when i first realized what it was you know that i was i was dealing with narcissists it was when i stumbled upon one of sam vaclin's video you know who is actually a um a narcissist himself you know which he
04:30
is as well and um you know that was actually what made me realize everything i went through that yes isn't it typical that someone who has to do with a narcissistic personality in a relationship is going from one one mark to the other it's um always the same isn't it all over the world because someone hasn't got his lesson is it the reason for it do do we have to get our lesson because it's normally a normal person would say
05:02
they don't do me good so i'm not going to have a relationship with an arc but people who are traumatized are going from one trauma to the other so until someone has got the lesson definitely yeah you know they will just continue to attract the same personality just in a different body until they realize what it is that's attracting those personalities [Music]
05:34
and um as you mentioned you are also doing coast coaching sessions uh and also producing very successful videos which are watched all over the world you have got over 100 000 followers subscribers um so you have become very successful how do you find time to coach others or support others how do you manage your time um that's a good question actually it's because you're so young you know the channel it's um
06:12
it started growing a lot more over the last year and then that's when i knew i had to start hiring people onto the team because before that it was just me doing everything but now you know i do have a dedicated video editing team who now does all of the the editing for me and um you know i've also got an operations manager as well
06:41
who um deals with a lot of um a lot of things behind the scenes and you know they're just great you know they really um they've really made it what it is now so um what what do you think is the secret of your success i in my opinion you are very close to people and uh people trust you i think in my opinion it's one of the reasons or the secret of your success
07:12
and what is it in your opinion i would say the the secret is if there is a secret it's um just believing in myself [Music] because i think if i didn't believe that this was possible then i never would have made it happen so definitely i think self-belief is a big thing and as an arc survivor you have learned to believe in yourself
07:45
what is missing from childhood i think as you mentioned before at the very beginning definitely yeah that's that's it you know i felt like um i never really got the results that i wanted earlier in life you know while i was still around narcissists because as long as i was around them i lacked self-belief but then it's like when you detach from them and you have the opportunity to think
08:17
for yourself then suddenly you start to believe in yourself more and this is not normal anymore would you have faced in your childhood not normal yes exactly as a child it is normal for you to be treated in that way and as you realize what you're facing so it's not normal anymore and you can develop yourself your personality definitely yeah yeah it's um you know it's not something i identify with anymore exactly yes that's great
08:54
all over the world people suffer from npg do you think it's increasing or uh people are more aware of it what is the reason for the increasing numbers of these videos about narcissism and npd personality disorder what is it in your opinion i think one of the main things that has made this so widespread now it's probably social media you know everyone thinks that they're
09:29
like this larger than life character you know with all of the likes and the comments and i think it goes to their heads and not only that we live in a different world today yes where it's like maybe a hundred years ago people would compare themselves to whoever is you know the what they perceive to be the greatest in maybe their village now it's everyone's competing against who is the
10:02
greatest in the world because social media and the internet has connected us to everyone so now there's much higher competition exactly yes and but the people don't feel ashamed to talk about it anymore because uh i can imagine that in the past people feel ashamed they don't trust anyone anymore they don't know how to talk about they even don't know what happened you know but right at the moment people are more sophisticated
10:32
they read and listen to more videos and are aware of this um personality disorder right now so they don't feel ashamed anymore to talk freely about it yeah it's kind of um you know it's helped as well in a way you know to make people more aware of it now so and it is no cultural or nationality issue i think it's all over the world people no matter what kind of cultural
11:04
background they face the same problem and i think you have to deal with so many different people all over the world i can imagine that's right you know i've talked to people all over the world of all different ages all different backgrounds everything i think it has to do something about the personality disorder no matter what kind of cultural background the disease or the disorder is the same all over the world isn't it yeah that's right definitely
11:39
can you explain it very briefly what kind of disorder it is the basic main function of the disorder i think it's it's mostly learned and it's learned in childhood from the parent or caregiver and it mostly comes from enabling you know there has to be someone enabling this to happen
12:17
and i from my research i feel like it comes from the child being spoiled you know when the the narcissistic parent spoils a child and it's all about the image you know their reputation it's all about what they can achieve what they can do do you think
12:50
yeah and then when the when the child um achieves something it's like suddenly the parents like you're the the greatest child in the world you're perfect but then as soon as a child makes a mistake or if the child is upset or angry about something suddenly it's a really bad child then it's like those two different extremes together i think that is what creates
13:24
a narcissist it's very interesting do you think that uh children have got a chance because not everybody is who's abused or cheated in that way are going to become an ark or abuse others what do you think because not everybody has got a happy childhood um of course it can go two different ways as well you know if there could be two different children
13:58
who both suffered the same abuse but then one grows to become a narcissist and then the other one grows to become an empath excellent so this can be done is it the reason why you offer um support or coaching for narcs is it one of the reasons to give a chance to support the behavior in a way that's really only something i started recently but
14:36
you know i'm not saying that narcissists can really change you know they they're not really going to realize why they would ever need to change but if they're in a crisis and things aren't working out their way then of course they will make the necessary adjustments if they believe that it's going to get them what they want which could then help people who are
15:07
victims of this and that's really what motivates me to want to coach narcissists um it's i think it's very sad because uh narcs are people it always appears to me that they are in the body as if they are imprisoned in their own body because they don't act with others they can't get into relation with others it must be so hard to be a narc i think definitely yeah [Music]
15:40
and um can you tell us more about your future plans and dreams i know that you've got a new channel it's about spirit spirituality and what is the focus of it and what is your motivation for it it's um it's for people who are interested in learning about spirituality healing and self-development especially people who feel like they may be going for a spiritual
16:16
awakening and you know i think it can be very beneficial for those who have dealt with narcissists i think it can be the next step from you know when they they feel like i've watched enough mark survivor videos now i'm ready to move on to the next level exactly to support the inner healing you mean yeah that's right i think empaths are very close they have got a
16:53
good connection to the spirituality i think um i think knox don't even know what it is there are many videos for example um many videos uh talk about they have no soul they are empty shells and so it must be very hard for them so they will never yeah they will never experience happiness or um the higher level for example to do the inner healing they will never do it
17:30
that's so true you know narcissists are at um the lowest emotional vibrational frequency you know which is the level of shame you know they're very unaware and of a low consciousness so for them to experience real happiness and joy they would have to heal the shame but then at the same time
18:04
you know they're shame-based individuals who will do whatever it takes to dodge their shame so in the end they're just dodging their chance of ever experiencing real happiness yes um i would like to ask you so many more questions so interesting talking to you i think you are one of the greatest experts on uh youtube right now on the channel thank you so much taking time thank you so much for your trust
18:35
you are celebrating today appreciate it yes thank you and i wish you all the best and have fun today with the celebration with your followers and your team your 100 over 100 000 followers that's right and i wish you all the best for your dreams and plans thank you thank you thanks thanks a lot

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