Ignoring Red Flags of Narcissistic Traits? Repeating Unhealthy Relationships? HERE'S WHY!

Ignoring Red Flags of Narcissistic Traits? Repeating Unhealthy Relationships? HERE'S WHY!

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00:00
hey guys today i want to talk about why people wind up ignoring red flags when it comes to malignant narcissists so there are very few people that i've ever spoken to that have gone through narcissistic abuse that told me michelle i never got a red flag they may think that at first but when they start thinking about it they're like you know what actually i do remember thinking or seeing this red flag or seeing that red flag and yet
00:31
they didn't listen to the warning why i want to answer this question because i feel like people are really focused on red flags which are important to understand right it's important to have that knowledge but if you don't have this piece in place you can have all the red flags in the world memorized and you're still not going to listen to them so with that in mind let's get started for those that don't know me my name is michelle i'm a
01:03
life and relationship coach i'm also the founder of the thriver school of transformation which is a monthly membership where we meet live weekly and we work through the side effects of narcissistic abuse and cptsd together we do that on zoom so i'll leave a link here for anyone that's curious about that so let's talk about why people ignore red flags okay and from what i've learned on my own healing journey and from what i've seen from so many others it has to do with what's going on in
01:34
your subconscious mind in other words on a conscious level if you've been through narcissistic abuse and you've done your research right which thankfully we're so grateful there's so many awesome channels out there that are helping to to bring narcissistic abuse awareness um to people right so the information is there you learn it you get it on a conscious level you get it on a logical level it makes sense right everything starts to fall into place in your mind
02:05
that understanding is done on a conscious level right our conscious mind can learn something in one video our conscious mind can learn something in a video course our conscious mind learns fast our subconscious on the other hand is a habit mind and it doesn't get updated automatically and it doesn't change simply because you learn something on a conscious level and if you have old negative limiting beliefs in your subconscious
02:36
they don't get updated just because time passes okay time does not update and upgrade your subconscious beliefs so the reason i'm saying this is for example if you were raised in an environment where either your parent was a malignant narcissist or emotionally unavailable or maybe even just had an addiction problem you probably wound up with beliefs like i'm not good enough
03:07
um i'm unworthy i'm unlovable uh if i show the real me then i'm going to be rejected another belief that's common is i can't trust myself right because if you were gaslit as a child what happens is you have a good radar we all have a good radar inside but if we stop listening to it it becomes faulty and i think that last one is a very common one when it comes to people that
03:39
wind up um ignoring red flags okay so they see it this is what happens their conscious mind sees it their conscious mind starts paying attention to it but then the subconscious that's watching everything all the time as well notices and starts and that belief i can't trust myself gets kicked on and when a subconscious belief gets kicked on your body and your nervous system react in a way
04:09
to keep you in alignment with that old belief so for example if the belief is i can't trust myself right everything i i think is right is wrong or you know whenever i trust myself it's met with something negative so your nervous system now thinks that it's a negative thing to start listening or trusting yourself what your nervous system and your subconscious mind do is it puts hormones in your body to cause you
04:40
to feel certain emotions so for example if you start trusting yourself and you're paying attention to those red flags that's out of harmony with the subconscious belief that i can't trust myself okay so your nervous system and your brain will start putting stress hormones in your body cortisol adrenaline neuroepinephrine all of these chemicals will be now flooding your body and when they flood your body it feels awful
05:13
all of a sudden your heart's beating fast you start you know feeling stressed you start feeling anxiety you start second guessing yourself the second you second guess yourself and kind of gaslight yourself right because that was probably the behaviors that you were conditioned to be around so you gaslight yourself and all of a sudden you feel better that feeling better
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confuses the conscious mind but the reality is is you're feeling better because your subconscious is now giving you hormones that cause you to feel good not because your external action is better but because you're you're now back in harmony with the old belief kind of screwed up when you think about it okay so what's really happening and i don't know what's going on with my lighting i'm like changing colors in front of my
06:16
face but anyway um what's happening is your body is rewarding you for staying in harmony with the old belief when you think about that when that truth sinks into you that's a huge wake-up call it's a huge wake-up call that healing is about really yes we need to learn about the other person yes we need to identify their behaviors but if we don't go inside and we don't spend time upgrading our
06:49
subconscious beliefs our own subconscious will sabotage our efforts to move forward and have healthy relationships that's the way it is okay so that being said i just want to encourage anyone that's on this journey to just end toxicity in their life right you probably whether you were raised in those dynamics whether you were then in romantic relationships afterward or
07:21
friendships any kind of relationship where it was unhealthy the way to really get to a healthy place and to stop repeating these patterns is to do the inner work and i'm gonna be dead honest it's a whole lot easier to look at the narcissist it's a whole lot easier to look at what they do wrong because when we start looking inside at
07:50
those beliefs we have to start working through memories and emotions that we suppressed and that's not easy it's uncomfortable but i can say this a little bit of discomfort is worth it to be able to break free of all toxic relationships if you don't if we're not willing to go through that discomfort we will just keep repeating them and i've heard from so many people that it starts out with one kind of
08:21
narcissist and it just gets progressively worse like maybe the first one's an overt then they become covert then it's a vulnerable narcissist and then it's a psychopath it's like it just keeps getting worse and who wants to spend decades of their life in those kinds of relationships however if you struggle doing the inner work i want to invite you to the school of transformation we meet live weekly unzoom we work through the side effects of
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narcissistic abuse and see ptsd together and every month we have a different theme last month we talked about deconstructing the self-image this month we're talking about overcoming social anxiety each month is a different piece of the puzzle of the healing journey and you can work through it with a group of thrivers as well so you're not feeling alone on the journey but regardless regardless if it's with my program or somebody else's i encourage you to do something that helps you to go within
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because it's the only way to break the patterns

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