Subtitles prepared by human
English subtitles by Daniel Kufer. This is Bulbasaur This program is pure BS eeEEee Good evening from the Salty Spitoon I'm Chris Wallet, and I welcome you to the first of 27 million Presidential Debates Between President Donald J. Trump and former JoJo,0 Joseph Joestar The Commission has designed the format 6,000, no, 400,000, no, roughly 4,000,021,915,227 and a half segments with two-second answers from each candidate then I'll have 18 shots of rice wine for the rest of each segment No toucans. My first question to both of you tonight: Why are you candidates? ... Biden: The fact is that, uh uh, uh, y'ur Trump: So I think that uh, I don't know where you got that
Uh, President Trump, Vice President Biden it's been an interesting 17 seconds So my question to you is "what are you?" President Biden, you have two minutes Well first of all, um, I know the CH4, no one knows it better than me. I am methane. Toot. I will tell you very simply I am $38 cheaper because OObbaammaa. Um, okay, The United States is an awfully serious subject so, let's try to be serious about it. I don't know what you're talking about, and frankly I don't care. Lemme just tell you something that this frog, they found them in creeks They found some with the name Trump, just happened to have the name Trump Nobody's done it, so we're cutting your testicles And by the way, they're being sold on the black market. ShShSh We need lawn force right now. Are you in favor of lawn force? I am in favor of lawn force, you f***ing stupid orange c*nt. Okay, rice wine please Over, uh, the last four years you have promised the plan, Vice President Biden you go first.
My economic plan would create 7 million more depressed people in America than there is today. And number 2, we're gonna put 5 more phone charging stations in The United States of America We should be providing all the coal-fired smartphones in order to be able to be able to get people with no relationship by making sure they get laid by 2035 Chris, Chris, when the stock market goes up, that means jobs when the c*ck market goes up, that means bl*wjobs for a long time and therefore- Hey, you gotta stop this. Why, Chris? Just out of curiosity, Mr. President, you can say anything you want except topics about sex. I wanna focus first on the presidential debates. You proposed more than 4 trillion F*ck off, Chris More rice wine, please 🎵He has no plan🎶 🎵He has no grace🎶 🎵That man has an orange face🎶 No jam sessions in the hall. As I, as I said posing the question He'll close down the whole country This guy will close down the whole country And destroy the whole country.
Our country is closing, setting records as it closes We don't need the whole country, we need drugs and alcohol and 53 waste paper baskets Gentlemen, would you stop interrupting my f*cking questions? Would you shut up, man? Listen, who is on your list, Chris? Who's on your list? This is so, Gentlemen? Final segment: the issue of Nintendo President Trump(care), you have promised over the last 4 years to make Wii U great again Of course I have. Well... I got rid of the Switch, excuse me, the Wii U is the greatest console in history and by the way, the Nintendo Switch is no good. (We made it better.) Everything you said so far is simply a lie. And the fact of the matter is, profits went down 70% because of his Wii U Trump: Fake News, no matter what you say to him, they give you bad press... Biden: And under my proposal, we're going to make sure that... President Trump? Biden: My economic plan is going to include law and order... Trump: They give you good press, they give Wii bad press... Chris: We're done, sir, we're moving on to the next- Trump: The Nintendo Switch, as you might know but probably have no idea when... your administration tells you the truth Chris: You realize you're both speaking at the same Gentlemen! I am so f*cking done with both of you tonight.
Waiter, give me all of your rice wine, please (clapping)
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