Narcissists & Relationship Poisoning |They Turn EVERYONE Against You

Narcissists & Relationship Poisoning |They Turn EVERYONE Against You

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00:00
hey guys so in today's video i'm talking about something that happens if you have a family member that is high on the scale of narcissism and that's relationship poisoning i want to talk about the different areas that you'll see this so that if and when it happens to you it doesn't take you by surprise okay so for those that don't know me my name is michelle i'm a life and relationship coach and i'm also the founder of the thriver school of transformation which is an interactive monthly membership where we take everything that i talk about on my channel and we learn how to put it into practice in our daily
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lives so if this is something that could be helpful for you make sure you check out the link in the description box below okay so relationship poisoning i was talking to a client recently and it was heartbreaking because she was telling me that she spent 30 years in a marriage 30 years intertwined right their lives intertwined their friends intertwined and their family members intertwined and not only was she dealing with the pain
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of the relationship coming to an end but it's almost like this person caused her to feel like she had been amputated from the nucleus of the family and friends that they had together and this happens all the time okay so i wanted to explain that anyone after a relationship ends if you're in a relationship with somebody that's narcissistic they don't want you to be able to collaborate to talk with to
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enjoy the same friends or family members that they have and the reason is is because that way they can twist the reality in their favor you know they love to paint themselves as the victim and make the other person the bad guy however if people spent time around you and they knew what was really going on then obviously their whole story would just come crumbling down so they can't have that so they wind up destroying relationships even that you've had for
02:07
years or decades okay so i just want to let you know that that's a given that anyone that hopes to not experience that is setting themselves up to be disappointed but i also want to talk about relationship poisoning on a more personal level as well in the sense that from parent to child okay this is something that you notice after a relationship ends but the sad sad reality is that the relationship poisoning actually
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begins the day the child is born in an in a sense and what i mean by that is that anyone that's high on the scale of narcissism will pit their children against the parent the other parent because again they have to be the good guy or girl they have to be the good parent and you have to be the problem instead of seeing that a child can actually easily love both of their parents
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they need to feel like they have all or more than you because sadly in the end everything is about winning okay so the way they do this is by undermining your authority right for example if you try to discipline the children they will make it like you're causing a problem so they don't make good parents because instead of wanting what's best for the child everything they do has to do with making sure that they are liked more and that you are looked at in
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a bad light so if you say you know bedtime is eight o'clock or nine o'clock for young children then they'll say oh mom's so strict or dad's so strict or you know they'll go against every healthy boundary that you try to establish for your children and they're kind of implanting in the children to look at you in a bad light this is fresh on my mind because in the thriver school of transformation
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starting next month we're actually going through the book the human magnet syndrome by ross rosenberg and he talks about how that happened in his family how you know the narcissist poisons the um the relationship between siblings between the children and the other parent by constantly feeding a false narrative to the other members okay so i just want to say that i see this a lot
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in my coaching as well and i'm letting you know this because i get some clients that say oh michelle you know they would never do that you know we're going through a divorce but they would never try to turn my kids against me and then six months later they come back to me saying i can't believe i'm saying this but it's true they they're doing that and that's when they start to realize that if they really were honest with themselves it started way before the divorce so that's another way that they poison
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relationships they also poison relationships between siblings okay they will love that the siblings don't get along because then they can triangulate right here's the narcissist here's the siblings on on either side of the the narcissist and the narcissist is kind of you know directing traffic so to speak as to who can talk to who and they wind up creating a lot of animosity in between siblings and i see this in um in my coaching as well in the sense that
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i'll get siblings on both sides like i've get i've worked with the scapegoat and i've also worked with many golden children and the scapegoat um tends to have a lot of resentment towards how they were were treated by the golden child and the golden child i've worked i've worked with individuals that feel a tremendous amount of guilt for the way they treated the other child or their sibling in the future but again this is due to relationship poisoning
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so the reason i'm talking about this is so that if you're an adult right and you are estranged from your family then the reason a lot of it has to do with the smear campaign that the narcissist has and the relationship poisoning that they love to create between family members and i wish i could tell you that it's super easy to overcome i wish i could give you like the secret formula so that it doesn't happen to you but i can't but what i can tell you
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what i can encourage you to do is is to not be focused on them what they're doing what they're doing to you what they're not doing with you if your focus is on them you keep the pain wound alive and that's exactly what the toxic malignant narcissist would love for you to do because the more you focus on how poisoned the relationships are the less happy you are
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and sadly in the mind of a narcissist they win by keeping you from ever experiencing what they can't feel but what you can feel and that's happiness and joy and unconditional love of self right so they don't want you to feel that if you focus on yourself if you focus on yourself and i know it sounds selfish right it sounds selfish and it probably goes against a lot of of the things that
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were ingrained in you but if you focus on yourself you start to break the energetic connection with with them you also start fueling yourself from within you start creating and molding the life that you really want and the added benefit is that any family members that thought you were a certain way because you were painted that way for so long right and you were instigated to act and and you were set up in in so
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many psychologically manipulative ways to be portrayed as the bad guy in front of family or friends the more strong the more empowered and more inner strength you get the more that others in the family will start to see you as you can i guarantee that they all come around no but i can tell you that in my face-to-face coaching i speak with so many so many individuals that tell me
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wow you know i'm i finally let go of hoping that my adult daughter or my adult son would learn the truth or would start to have a healthy relationship with me because of the poisoning that the other parent gave them right that they caught they started looking at me in a way that was so erroneous and now now that i let go strangely enough my child is now close to me again and they're seeking my my attention they're seeking my friendship they're seeking
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me out so if you want to have a relationship with family members that were poisoned that you had to go through relationship poisoning with right because of a narcissist the most powerful thing you can do to regain those relationships is focus on yourself in the sense that you strengthen yourself that you build yourself love you build your self-confidence you shape and transform your life into how you really want it and you may be amazed at how those family
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members begin to respond

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