Heroes of Might and Magic II Review | Perfectly™ | Balanced™

Heroes of Might and Magic II Review | Perfectly™ | Balanced™

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00:00
hey hey people zeff here today i'll be playing the predecessor to one of the best turn-based strategy games of all time a game where combat is decided by whoever gets to move first victory is decided by who gets the most broken spells and where the best day of a week is monday i'm speaking of course about heroes of might and magic 2 but really it should just be called heroes of magic and sometimes might if you're very unlucky i played this first as a child and now i return to it as a man-child
00:31
released in 1996 by new world computing we're going to be looking at this game as the original building blocks for heroes free which got everything right in contrast heroes 2 gets everything wrong but it's got a lot of soul it's very pretty and it's generally a very relaxing experience first let's cover velour the story takes place after the dominant monarchy has a little disagreement roland ironfist is the rightful successor to the throne but archibald ironfist has had enough of his [ __ ] brother so he accuses him
01:03
of soiling the bed and forces them to flee the kingdom in embarrassment in the campaign you can choose to either stand with roland ironfist and defend his right to [ __ ] the bed or choose to represent archibald in his rightful condemnation of his brother's scatological tendencies canonically roland wins and turns his brother to stone which is used as a plot point in the rpg games since archibald is the only person who understands nuclear physics i'm not joking i'm completely serious you need to free
01:34
him in might and magic 6 unless you want the planet to explode in a thermonuclear blast the archibald campaign is pretty challenging the roland campaign is a billion times worse there's only one way to win it's a complex strategy that i like to call restarting the mission until you get lucky and get a spell that lets you no clip across the map i think that statement alone should give you a hint of what heroes 2 is all about i got the good old games copy which emulates the game to run on windows 10.
02:04
there are some glitches but these can all be fixed by playing around with the configuration generally everything looks plays and sounds great this was the first might and magic game where they went all out with their sound design everything is beautifully composed and i should mention every single town theme is sung by a [ __ ] professional opera singer have a [Music] [Applause] listen [Music]
02:42
the production values in this game are absolutely top-notch just look at how insanely pretty everything is every single unit every single set piece even the resources you pick up gemstones crystal treasure chests they're all still crispy clean to this very day to illustrate my point here's a basic unit dwelling for the knight faction it's a structure responsible for spawning the most useless unit in the game the peasant and it still looks better than any place i've ever lived in this
03:13
detached two-bedroom cottage probably costs more than the student loans of several millennials combined they told me medieval peasants had it bad i'm sorry how can they have it bad when they've clearly got a front garden and supposedly a clean source of drinking water there's a very saturated high contrast color palette in this game and as a kid i took all that quality for granted because the modern heroes games now look like someone's shitty deviant art page i'm going on tangents now which is a growing symptom
03:44
of my impending dementia so let's get to the gameplay heroes 2 is a turn-based strategy game which means it's for thinking people and people who are too slow to play starcraft instead the principle is very simple you recruit heroes to lead your armies these all have different stats and skills respective to their faction the portraits for heroes are an absolute acid trip there's almost no way to tell what class they are until you mouse over them let's take this guy for example
04:14
can you guess what he is yeah that's right he's a knight which means he's a good guy and on roland's side okay let's let's try that again can you guess what this guy does yeah correct he's a wizard which means he's also a good guy on roland's side you know i'm really starting to doubt roland's motives half of his team look like they've just come out from serving prison sentences for aggravated rape but who am i to question royalty a lot of the sorceresses make for
04:45
great waifu material though of the 90s back before women became degenerate and started plastering their faces with septum piercings oh wait oh no you recruit armies by spending all your savings on dwellings that spit out new units at the start of each week you also have to pay them up front each of the six factions has its own respective six-unit army which range in tiers from level 1 to level 6. however your heroes can only hold 5 different stacks so you'll have to pick and choose or
05:16
mix and match to suit your strategy wizards are all about range they've got 3 different shooters warlocks and cervette by having three different flyers that can close the gap knights have no flyers never divor barbarians instead the knights prefer to tank all the damage while barbarians lack any kind of defense and rely on hitting fast and hitting hard a sorceress is a mix of everything a necromancer is a mix of everything undead they get their ultimate unit quicker and cheaper than anyone else and power liches are the
05:47
only unit in the game which can accidentally wipe out half of your own army you've got a limited set of moves and actions you can take every turn once you're done with your turn the computer moves around and pretends to be intelligent rinse and repeat research new spells upgrade your dwellings get higher level troops which aren't worth the money and crush your enemies it's all very simple what's not simple is figuring out which factions aren't complete garbage so to save you the time i've made a very easy chart as you can see of the six different
06:19
towns you can choose five of them are objectively hot garbage that's because warlocks have the best unit in the game dragons some might argue that different factions have their own strengths and shine at different points in the game knights and barbarians in the early game necromancers and sorceresses in the mid game and warlocks and wizards in the late game we call these people a heroes 2 apologist they are subversive they are insidious and they are fully convinced that a tier 6 unit with one
06:50
quarter of a health and none of the perks of a dragon is a good financial investment also they can't do this if such a person approaches you don't listen to their lies unplug their hearing aid and jam their mobility scooter immediately before they manage to convince anyone else at the retirement home in heroes 2 magic is king magic is essential for victory and completely overshadows anything an illiterate brain dead warrior can hope to achieve why because there's no camera play all a mage has to do is
07:21
keep repeatedly suicide bombing his enemies to victory what is the answer to someone rushing at you repeatedly with phoenix's and spamming armageddon losing that's what to beat magic you have to counter magic with more magic armageddon spam can't hold up to a wizard with more spell points than white matter in his brain who can just cross the entire length of the map with dimension door and take all of your towns in a single turn heroes 2 is a mess but it's a beautiful exploitable mess in all due fairness the
07:52
idea of a game is that you're not meant to stick to a starting faction and instead ramp your way up to getting the town you want which is warlocks if you can't get warlocks then settle for wizards titans can still hold up to dragons and boars make for a good source of fresh pork i guess if you can't get wizards settle for uninstalling the game also it should be mentioned that while everything works great on my good old games copy the sound clip used for teleportation has been completely scuffed how why i don't know but i think we
08:24
should all experience it together [Music] i know teleportation has its risks but i never expected it to blow my eardrums so if you have to teleport please remove your headphones beforehand or you're definitely going to develop tinnitus since we're on the subject of [ __ ] strategies we might as well also cover [ __ ] units luckily the developers had the foresight to realize that some of these might be a little too
08:53
strong so they're not available to any faction instead they can only be obtained in limited numbers through diplomacy and bribery case example one genies these can only be found in magic lamps they're very pretty they also hit like a truck but what my former child brain couldn't understand is that they've got a special ability they can divide any stack in two and it doesn't matter how many genies there are one is enough so split them up into stacks and go ham on your enemy's strongest unit hit a stack get lucky and your enemies just lost
09:25
several weeks worth of income and if you're playing multiplayer you've just lost several years worth of friendship case example 2 ghosts remember how i mentioned peasants who are completely useless that's not entirely true if you can somehow convince a couple of ghosts to join you stop whatever it is you're doing and locate a small horde of peasants don't kill them let them grow let them ferment and let their population explode over the next few weeks then it's time to harvest your crop you see
09:56
ghosts take the numbers of any stack they've killed and since peasants have a single hit point you can sit back and watch your number swell from several dozen to several hundred to several thousand in a single fight you've turned a mediocre stack of units into the single most powerful unit in the entire game at this point nothing and no one can stop you your legion of ghosts will keep growing and growing until there's nothing left to consume their numbers will swell so high that the game just gives up trying to
10:27
show you how many there are when you've achieved and abused such high levels of broken design you can finally call yourself a true strategic master of heroes of might and magic 2. the game is still absolutely worth playing it is dirt cheap on good old games and in this day and age even a potato clock can run the game if you want a fair and balanced strategy game don't play it if you want to ambush leprechauns for their lunch money redistribute wealth to the masses only to murder the masses later and cheese your way to victory
10:58
then this is the game for you i give it three out of four genies because i don't have the extra gemstone to hire the last one thoroughly recommend it go play it as always more content to come so stay tuned a warm thanks to the many members of a merchant's guild generously funding and bankrolling these videos a huge thanks to one member of a guild in particular since he somehow managed to get me a signed copy of a hero's live orchestra cd and a nice hp
11:29
keyboard which he optimized for me in case i ever decide to play a league again thank you fam you're all truly wonderful have a good one and now it's time to violate copyright enjoy
11:41
[Music] [Applause]
12:32
[Music] [Applause] [Music] you

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