武自珍 教授 - 重新學習愛|20210530

武自珍 教授 - 重新學習愛|20210530

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00:07
Brothers and sisters, peace be with you 各位弟兄姊妹 平安 To the brothers and sisters in the branch churches, wherever you are 各位分堂点的 Peace be with you 各地聚会的弟兄姊妹平安 How important is peace today! 今天平安是多么的重要 Today we are thinking 今天我们就在想 In ethnic Chinese families 在我们华人的家庭里面 I think that no one will deny that 我想大家都不否认 We really love our family 我们是真的很爱我们的家人 We often hear cases 我们常常听到很多的例子 For example of people selling their house so that their child can study for a PhD 譬如说我们把房子卖了 For example of people selling their house so that their child can study for a PhD 让孩子去念博士 This is such a simple thing to us 这个对我们来讲是非常简单的事情 My foreign friends don't understand this 可是有的时候我的外国朋友 My foreign friends don't understand this 就对这个非常不解 They don't understand why parents have to pay for their children to study 他觉得孩子念书还要父母给钱吗 We think that 那我们也觉得 For a child to have a promising future 孩子有出息 有他的前途 Of course we have to provide 我们当然要提供 But the most interesting thing is 但是很有趣的事情是 We know how much we value each other 我们知道我们彼此多么的看重彼此 How much we sacrifice for each other 多么为对方牺牲 But it seems we don't feel loved 但是你好像没有那个爱的感觉
01:08
What is going on? 到底怎么回事 This reminds me of a story 这让我想到有一个故事 Once I received a phone call 就是有一次 我接到一个电话 This phone call told me 这个电话就告诉我说 "Where is so and so?" 喂 某某某在哪里 I replied, "I'm sorry, what's the matter?" 我一听 对不起 请问是什么事 "My child is studying in your department" 他说我的孩子在你系上念书 I said, "What's the matter?" 我说 有什么事吗 "Where is he?" 他在哪里 I said, "I'm sorry, are you looking for your child?" 我说 对不起 你在找你的孩子吗 Ok, so I quickly contacted my teaching assistant to check on this student 好 所以我就赶快找助教去 Ok, so I quickly contacted my teaching assistant to check on this student 看看他孩子在哪里 "There is no problem. He is in class" 孩子在上学没有问题 在上课 I said to this parent, "Don't worry" 我说 这位家长你放心好了 "Your child is fine. He is in class" 你孩子在上课没有问题 This parent then said to me 这个家长就丢我一句话 "If he doesn't come home again this week" 这个礼拜他再不回家的话 "Tell him not to bother coming home ever" 叫他一辈子不要回来好啦 I wondered what was going on 我想到 到底怎么回事 I asked this student to come and see me 我就把这个学生叫来 I asked him 我就说 这位同学 "Has it been a long time since you have visited your family?" 你是不是很久没回家了 "If you are too busy to go home, at least give them a call" 你没有回家 忙 至少打个电话回去 This student said, "Mama Wu" 就这个学生就说 武妈
02:09
They all call me Mama Wu 他们都叫我武妈 "Mama Wu, I don't want to call them" 武妈 不是我不要打电话回去 "Do you know what will happen if I call them?" 可是你知道我打电话回去会怎样 I asked what would happen 我说 会怎样 "As soon as she picks up the phone and I say hello" 我一拿起电话 喂 "My mother will say that I finally remembered to call" 我妈妈就说 知道打电话回来了 "I need courage to ask" 我鼓起勇气跟她说 "Mom, how are you?" 妈妈 妳还好吗 My mother will say she has a cold but she will survive" 我妈妈就说 我感冒了死不了 "Are you coming home?" 你要不要回来 "I'm sorry Mom, I need to prepare for orientation" 妈妈对不起 因为我要迎新所以 "I know you don't want to come home" 我知道你就是不想回家 "Then she hangs up" 啪 电话就关 He said, "Mama Wu, I don't want to call her" 他说 武妈我不是不要打电话回去 "It's very difficult for me to talk to her" 可是我这样打电话回去 很辛苦 What's going on? 到底怎么回事 I think this mother might feel 可是我想这个妈妈 I think this mother might feel 可能在家里也会觉得 "Since going off to school my son has ignored his family" 我这孩子真是很被 "Since going off to school my son has ignored his family" 到了学校就不理这个家 "Why did I give up everything for him?" 我为他付出这一切 为了什么呢 This is our conversation 这就是我们的对话 So we think 所以我们就觉得 Ethnic Chinese families are very interesting 我们这个华人的家庭很有意思就是
03:09
"I understand your love" 我明白你的爱 "Because you keep telling me" 因为你不断的告诉我 "How much you have sacrificed for me" 你是多么的为我牺牲 "You don't say you love me out loud, but you tell me" 你没有说你爱我 可是你告诉我 "I did all this for you" 我对你为了你 "I sacrificed so you could study for a graduate degree" 我牺牲了去上研究所 "Because of you, I didn't buy a house" 为了你 我没有买房子 "I have to tell you over and over again" 为了你 我要重复的告诉你 "I have done a lot of things for you" 为你做了很多的事情 But we just can't feel it 可是我们感受不到 We just can't feel this 这是我们感受不到 You should know this, do you need me to say it? 所以你应该知道 要我说吗 You should know this 你应该知道 But I think we have an unknown pressure 可是我想我们就有个 But I think we have an unknown pressure 不知道的压力 So this is something very interesting in ethnic Chinese families 所以在我们华人的家庭里面 So this is something very interesting in ethnic Chinese families 是很有意思的 Let's think about it 让我们仔细来听听看来想想看 In all our teachings 在我们所有的教导里面 In all our lessons 在我们所有的教训里面 In all the stories we have heard since childhood 在我们所有从小听到的故事里面 We rarely talk about love 我们很少谈到爱 We talk about a lot of principles, how we should behave 我们谈到很多道理 做人应该怎样 Be filial 要孝顺父母 Always listen to your parents 父母话怎么样 要听 We use a lot of reason 我们有好多的道理 But when we use reason to manage our relationships 可是当我们用道理
04:09
But when we use reason to manage our relationships 来经营我们的关系的时候 We feel stress 你就会让我们觉得很有压力了 We lose patience 你就失去耐心了 "You should study" 你应该要念书 "Don't you know that you should study?" 你不是知道要念书吗 "Why are you still like this?" 你为什么还这样吗 "Look at you" 你看你这个孩子 "You are not motivated. You don't work hard" 一点都不上进 不用心 We started to have a lot of interpretations 我们就开始有很多很多的解释 With a lot of labels 挂了很多的名称 "Look at my mother" 你看我的妈妈 "She forbids me from studying what I like" 就是不让我念我爱念的书 "She is vain" 她就是心里就是虚荣 "See how she always compares me with others" 你看她一天到晚跟我比较 "She only cares about my grades, not me" 她只在乎功课 她根本不在乎我 Many teenagers react like this 很多青少年这样反应 Is that true? 那是真的吗 Is that the truth? 这是真相吗 When our reason 当我们现在一个道理 Enters our so called love relationship 在进入我们所谓的爱的关系的时候 We will find that we have a problem 你就会发现我们有一个问题就是 We can't get out of this 我们走不出来 Since my reason is so right 因为我的道理太对了 Do you want to listen to your parents? Right 要不要听父母 对 Do you want to study? Right 要不要念书 对 Do you want to not argue? Right 要不要不要吵架 对 Do you want to think about your future? Right 要不要好好的想你的未来 对 They are all right 都对 When we think we are right 当我们觉得我们都对的时候
05:11
And that we are not asking too much 而且我们要求也不过份 Can I not have some requests? 这一点点要求不行吗 We become stuck 我们就卡住了 How could this happen? 怎么会这样 What a shame! 发现好可惜 We love our family so much 我们是一个这么爱家庭的人 But this family is filled with a lot of unknown pressure 可是家庭里面 But this family is filled with a lot of unknown pressure 充满了很多不知道的压力 The pressure of not knowing how to get along 不知道怎么相处的压力 So we discover that when there is no stable relationship 所以发现当我们 So we discover that when there is no stable relationship 没有固定关系的爱的时候 We are very happy 我们都是很开心的 We are free when there is no stable concern 关心没有固定的时候我们很自由 We feel very happy 会觉得很愉快 We feel happy when we are in love 恋爱好愉快 I am so happy to have met him, I am so happy 我遇到他好愉快 我好幸福 How I hope our relationship can become stable. Ok 我多么希望我们的关系 How I hope our relationship can become stable. Ok 就这样固定下来了 OK Once the relationship becomes stable 关系固定下来成为归属的时候 I belong to you, you belong to me 我属于你 你属于我 We start to feel that it is a bother 我们就开始觉得很麻烦 You will find that there is one thing very interesting 你会发现有一点很有趣 The struggle between wanting freedom and a sense of belonging 这是我们有个自由跟归属感的纠结 We love freedom 我们很喜欢自由
06:13
But we like to belong to someone 但是我们又喜欢属于某一个人 When we belong to someone 当我们属于某一个人的时候 We hope they let us be free 我就希望你要让我自由 But when we are free, we feel lonely 可是我自由又觉得很孤单 But it is tough to get along with someone 可是我要跟你相处我又觉得好麻烦 So we often use trendy names 所以我们常常 现在新潮的名称 Of course there is a 当然就有个 Nowadays young people use emotional blackmail 像现在的年轻人常常用情感勒索 This is a term we use in psychotherapy 这是我们心理治疗上的一个名词 But it's very interesting 但是非常有趣 I will share more about this 对这个我会慢慢再跟大家讲 We think 就是我们会觉得说 "Your love for me gives me so much pressure" 你对我的爱让我好有压力 "I have finally come home for a visit" 我好不容易回到家里 "I have come home from school" 我从学校回到家里 "Mom, don't keep staring at me while I eat" 妈妈 妳不要一直盯着我吃饭 "And asking me why I eat so little" 还问我 你怎么吃这么少 "Do you have no appetite?" 你胃口不好吗 "Is the food I cooked not delicious?" 我做的菜不好吃吗 "No matter what I eat" 无论吃什么 "Mom, can you let me eat in peace?" 妈妈你能让我好好吃个饭可以吗 "Don't stare at me, ok?" 你不要盯着我好不好 "Why don't you shower at night?" 你为什么不晚上洗澡呢 "Don't you think it's good to shower at night?" 你不觉得晚上洗澡很好吗 "You can sleep well after taking a shower" 洗完澡就可以好好睡觉 "Why do you have to take a shower in the morning?" 你为什么一定要早上洗澡呢 The husband will say, "Does it matter whether I take a shower at night or in the morning?" 那先生会说 我晚上洗澡早上洗澡
07:15
The husband will say, "Does it matter whether I take a shower at night or in the morning?" 有那么严重吗 "Do I have to take a shower at night?" 一定要晚上洗澡 "Can't I take a shower in the morning?" 我不能早上洗澡吗 "Can I not eat vegetables?" 我不能不吃蔬菜吗 You will find it interesting 你会发现很有趣 When ethnic Chinese are emotional 就是当我们的华人的情感的时候 We often have 我们常常有一个 "I don't tell you my needs" 我不说我的需要 "But you have to understand them" 但是你要明了 "You should know what they are" 你应该知道 Why? 为什么 Because this is reason 因为道理就是这样 "If you care about me to a certain point" 如果你关心我到了一个地步 "Of course, you will know" 当然会知道 "What would you like for dinner tonight, dear?" 所以亲爱的今天晚上吃什么 "Anything is ok" 随便 "Then, let's go to eat some barbecue, ok?" 那我们去吃烧肉好不好 "Don't you know that my throat is very sore?" 你不知道我最近喉咙很痛吗 "Then, what should we eat, dear?" 那亲爱的那我们要吃什么 "Anything is ok" 随便 "Then, let's eat some boiled dumplings, alright?" 那我们吃水饺好吗 "It seems like we eat dumplings every day" 有时候每天我就在吃冷冻水饺 "Do we need to eat them again?" 还吃水饺 "Then, what would you like to eat, dear?" 那亲爱的你要吃什么 "If you care about me you would know what I like to eat" 你应该知道我喜欢吃什么 "If you care about me you would know what I like to eat" 如果你在乎我的话 We have a lot of these kinds of conversations 我们很多这类的对话 We feel that the other person should know what we need 我们会觉得你应该要知道我的需要
08:15
Why? 为什么 You have never told them 从来没有在讲 Why would anyone know your needs if you have never told them? 为什么人家会知道没有说出来的需要 So we have many assumptions 所以我们有很多的假定 We have many demands 很多的要求 But oftentimes that will leave the other person feeling tired 可是很多时候会让对方觉得好累 Then we use the term emotional blackmail 然后我们用个名词叫情感勒索 But I am somewhat opposed to this term 但是对这个名词我有点 有点意见 In psychotherapy, there is a school of thought 因为我们在心理治疗上有一个学派 When we feel that we are experiencing emotional blackmail or pressure 就认为说当我们觉得情感 When we feel that we are experiencing emotional blackmail or pressure 很有勒索很有压力的时候 We start to feel that it is best to not want this relationship 你就不要这个关系就最好 So we use many ways to let the other person know 所以我们就用很多的方式 So we use many ways to let the other person know 来告诉你说 You don't have to care about this person's demands 你不用在乎这个人对你的要求 You don't have to care about this person 你可以不在乎这个人 You can find a way to get rid of that pressure or blackmail 你可以想办法摆脱 You can find a way to get rid of that pressure or blackmail 他对你的压力跟勒索 But what is the real phenomenon of emotional blackmail? 可是情感勒索的真实现象是什么 If you don't care how can you be blackmailed? 如果你不在乎你怎么会被勒索呢 Right? 对吧 If you really don't care about this relationship 你若真的不在乎这个关系 If you really don't care if he or she is hurt 你真的不在乎他有没有受伤 You don't care if he or she is upset 不在乎他会不会难过 You don't have any feeling about it 你根本没感觉嘛 So, when we feel that we are being blackmailed 所以当我们觉得有勒索的时候
09:16
That means that we still care 就是表示我们还是在乎 We still love 我们还是爱 It is only that we don't know how to manage this love relationship 只是我们不知道 It is only that we don't know how to manage this love relationship 怎么去经营这个爱的关系 It is only that we don't know how to express 只是我们不知道怎么来表达 How to handle the kind of love that brings so much pressure 那种很有压力的爱 How to handle the kind of love that brings so much pressure 我不知道怎么处理而已 So when we have emotional pressure 所以当我们有情感压力的时候 Don't think that it is blackmail 不要觉得他是勒索 Rather think of it as a phenomenon that is reminding you 它是一个现象告诉我 That you don't know how to handle this relationship 我不知道怎么处理这个关系而已 Basically if you come back and look at this 可是基本上你回来来看 You will understand how much you care about this person 我是多么关心这个人 You don't want them to be so unhappy 我是不希望他这么不开心 But you don't know how to make that person happy 可是我不知道怎么样 But you don't know how to make that person happy 让你不要这么不开心 I hope that you don't misunderstand me 我希望你不要误会我 But I don't know how to make you understand me 可是我不知道 But I don't know how to make you understand me 怎么样让你可以了解我 So, have you discovered something? 所以你发现吗 It's not that we don't care or don't love 不是我们不在乎 不是我们不爱 It's that we love too much and care too much 而是爱太多 在乎太多了 But we don't know how to handle that 可是我不知道要怎么处理 I want to have some freedom 我希望我有自由 But I also hope that you can have a relationship with me 但是我又希望你可以跟我有个关系 To let me feel that my existence is of value 让我觉得我的存在是有价值的 Aren't family relationships like this? 我们家人关系不是这样吗
10:18
So, these difficulties 所以这些是困境 But what is very important is that we know 但是非常重要的我们要知道 We love 我们是爱的 It is just that we have this contradiction 只是我们有一个矛盾就是 We want to have freedom 我们希望自由 But if you are really free what does that mean? 但是如果你真的自由可以表示什么 No one cares that you exist 没有别人在乎你的存在 You will feel lost and lonely 那你会觉得很失落很寂寞 But when you have a sense of belonging 可是当我有归属感的时候 Then, you care 你就牵挂 You want that other person to be happy 你希望对方开心 That other person also wants you to be happy 对方也希望你开心 Then you start to have hopes about what that other person will do for you 然后你就开始 Then you start to have hopes about what that other person will do for you 有很多希望对方为你做的事 You hope that when you are upset 你希望我难过的时候 That other person can make you feel less upset 对方能够让我不难过 You hope that person can encourage you 我觉得我有希望的时候 You hope that person can encourage you 对方可以鼓励我 You hope that when you don't speak 我很希望我不说话的时候 When you don't have the energy to react 我懒得反应的时候 That person will be able to guess what you are thinking 你会猜中我的心思 When you start to care 当我们开始有牵挂的时候 You will discover that there are more and more demands 你发现我的要求就越来越多 So many that the other person feels that they cannot meet them 多到一个地步可能对方就觉得
11:20
So many that the other person feels that they cannot meet them 他真的没有办法提供 Then we need to face a reality 那我们面对一个现实 Are we really able to find a person who understands everything about us? 我们真的有办法 Are we really able to find a person who understands everything about us? 找到这样的一个人吗 Are we really able to find a person who understands everything about us? 他可以懂得你所有的需要 Sometimes we don't know our own needs, right? 所以有的时候我们自己的需要 Sometimes we don't know our own needs, right? 我们不知道 对吗 Sometimes we feel like crying but don't know why 我们觉得想哭 Sometimes we feel like crying but don't know why 可是为什么想哭 不知道 Then, do you think someone who is different from you can understand? 那你觉得一个跟你不一样的人 Then, do you think someone who is different from you can understand? 他能体谅吗 So, when we have a lot of expectations 所以当我们有很大的期待的时候 We will experience disappointment 事实往往会让我们失望 We hope that our parents can guide us 我们多么期待我们父母能够指引我 To know what we should do in the future 将来做什么事 But they let us freely choose 可是要给我自由去选择 We hope that the person we love won't nag 我们希望对方对我的爱 We hope that the person we love won't nag 不要那么啰唆 But when we hope that he or she will nag us 可是当我希望你啰唆的时候 He or she will do so 你就要啰唆 That's difficult 好难 When we are disappointed 所以当我们失望的时候 We experience feelings of loss 我们就会产生失落的情绪 Then we start to feel resentment 然后我们开始就有怨气 You will discover that among ethnic Chinese people 所以你会发现在华人当中
12:21
There is very strong resentment 有个非常浓厚的 There is very strong resentment 一个情绪的气氛就叫做怨 This is something that is less common among other ethnicities 这是别的民族比较少 What is resentment? 怨是什么 Resentment is hurt and anger 怨就是伤心跟生气 What is hurt? 伤心什么 Hurt means someone disappointed you 伤心你让我失望 How does it start? 那开始是什么 The motive is good 动机都是好的 I love you, so I expect that you and I can have a good relationship 我爱你 所以我期待你 I love you, so I expect that you and I can have a good relationship 可以跟我有好的关系 I expect that you can love me based on the methods suited to my needs 我期待你能够爱我照我需要的方法 But you don't understand me. I am disappointed 可是你不懂我 我就失望了 Then I explain why I am disappointed 那我里面就解释为什么让我失望 "You see, this child doesn't listen" 你看这个孩子就是不听我的话 "Why doesn't he listen to me?" 为什么不听我的话呢 "Because he doesn't respect me" 因为他就是不尊重我 In my mind, I start to 我里面就开始 I am performing an internalized drama 有一个内在的剧场在演 So, the conclusion is 所以结论就是 This child cannot be taught 这个孩子是没有办法教的 "He doesn't care that I am hurt" 他根本不在乎我伤心 When you come to this conclusion 当你有这个结论的时候 You feel upset 你的情绪就很难过了
13:22
You start to feel resentment 开始怨了 Because you don't know how to process these feelings 因为你不知道要怎么处理这个感觉 You are very angry that he disappointed you 你是非常气他让你失望 But you don't know how to handle it 可是你又不知道怎么处理 You feel a sense of loss, you feel hurt 但又很失落 又很伤感 You feel that you have been neglected, so you start to become resentful 觉得自己不受注意 所以就怨 Once I went to Vancouver Canada 有一次我到加拿大温哥华 My friend came to pick me up 我的朋友来接我 She asked me a key question 就问我一句非常关键的话 She said, "Professor Wu, when you came here" 他就说 武老师妳来这里的时候 "Did you experience any turbulence?" 妳会觉得有没有气流好吗 I said it was ok 我说 OK She said, "You didn't feel any turbulence?" 他说 妳不会觉得有乱流吗 I asked, "What turbulence?" 我说 什么乱流 She said, "Didn't you feel the resentment rushing up toward the sky" 他说妳不觉得有一股怨气冲上天 "Making the flight bumpy, turbulence?" 飞机不稳吗 乱流 I said, "Tell me what is going on" 我就说 亲爱的你告诉我怎么回事 "There is a group of us who are here taking care of our children" 他说我们这里有一堆带着孩子 "Mothers who are trying to give their children a good future" 来提供好的未来的妈妈 "We are very upset and resentful" 我们在这里觉得好难过好怨 "We have been forced to stay here" 我们被关在这里
14:24
I said, "Then go back to Taiwan" 那我说 那你就回台湾 "I can't. For my children's future I have to stay here" 不行 我们为了孩子前途 "I can't. For my children's future I have to stay here" 一定要在这里 "Then why not try to live a good life here?" 那既然在这里那不就好好过日子 "Admire the snow, the beautiful scenery" 欣赏下雪天 欣赏很漂亮的风景 "Eat some good food" 吃好的食物 "No. I just want to stay here and let my grievances be satisfied" 不行 我就要待在这里 "No. I just want to stay here and let my grievances be satisfied" 要让我的埋怨得到满足 Why? 为什么 Why would we want to choose this path? 我们为什么要选择这条路 Do we really have no way out? 我们真的没有出路吗 Let's look at the wisdom that God has given us 我们来看看神给我们的智慧是什么 In verse two of chapter 12 in the Book of Romans 在罗马书12章第2节里面 This is from the revised Today's Chinese Version 用现代中译版的修订版的内容就是 Do not conform to the pattern of this world 不要被世界同化 Let God transform you 要让上帝改造你们 To transform your thoughts 更新我们的心思意念 Ok. Do you know what will is? 好知道祂的旨意是什么 Do you know what goodness and being completely accepted are? 知道什么是良善完全可蒙悦纳的 I will say this again 我再说一次 Do not conform to the pattern of this world 不要被世界同化 When the world feels that relationships 当世界觉得感情
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The love of parents and children, the love of husband and wife are a burden 父母子女的爱 夫妻的爱是很累赘 We had better be 我们最好做一个 When we become uncaring 都不要牵挂的人的时候 We will discover that we have lost 你发现我们就失去了 What is the purpose of living? 为什么要活下去的目的了 We really won't be happy 你真的不会开心的 When we have so many people to love 当我们拥有这么多 When we have so many people to love 可以爱的对象的时候 What do we need to learn? 我们要学习的是什么 Do not conform to the patterns of this world 不要被世界同化 Let God change your thoughts 要神改变我们的心意 Understand the pure goodness and the method God gives us for managing our love 了解什么是神给我们纯全善良完全 Understand the pure goodness and the method God gives us for managing our love 蒙神喜爱的方式来经营我们的爱 Our love, ethnic Chinese people's love has a way 我们的爱 华人的爱就有出路了 What is the wisdom God gives us? 神给我们的智慧是什么 To learn how to love based on the Bible 学习圣经来让我们知道如何去爱 I think we are all familiar with this Scripture 我想这一段的经文 I think we are all familiar with this Scripture 是我们大家都很熟悉的 First Corinthians chapter 13, verses one to seven 哥林多前书13章1到7节
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But I want everyone to pay attention to verse seven 但是我觉得请大家特别注意 But I want everyone to pay attention to verse seven 最后第7节 Love always protects, always trusts 凡事包容 凡事相信 Always hopes, always perseveres 凡事盼望 凡事忍耐 Please pay attention to always perseveres 请大家特别注意凡事忍耐 Because any relationship based on love is not easy 因为任何一个爱的关系 Because any relationship based on love is not easy 都不是那么容易的 Love is extremely complicated 爱是一个非常复杂的东西 But love always hopes, always perseveres 但是凡事有盼望 凡事要忍耐 It is an enduring love 它是一个坚忍的爱 So if we want to receive love 所以要得到一个爱 We must learn and persevere 我们要学习而且要忍耐 Please pay attention to verse two 请大家也特别注意第2节 If I have the gift of prophecy 我若有先知讲道之能 And can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge 也明白各样的奥秘 各样的知识 And if I have faith that can move mountains 而且有全备的信叫我能够移山 But do not have love, I am nothing 没有爱就算不得什么 I am very smart 我很聪明 But don't become enamored with cleverness 但是不要被聪明迷住我们的眼睛 Because the knowledge of the world 因为世上的知识
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May not let us receive real love 不一定能够让我们得到真正的爱 Or enable us to understand how to love others 懂得如何去爱别人 So what are the conditions needed for enduring love? 所以坚忍的爱需要的条件是什么 First, don't think that you have knowledge and reason 第一个不要自以为有知识有道理 So that you look down on others 就轻视他 Sometimes I feel that there is something very interesting 有的时候我觉得很有意思就是 In this so called 3C era 现在所谓3C时代 So sometimes 所以有的时候 For those of us who are older 对我们这些长一辈的人 I teach so it is ok for me. But for many of my friends 我教书还好 可是一堆我的朋友 They do not know how to work 3C devices 针对3C的技巧真的是不太知道 I remember one time 我记得有一次 The text on my cell phone suddenly became very large 就突然我的手机 The text on my cell phone suddenly became very large 变得那个字体很大 I didn't know how to change it back 我完全不知道怎么办 I was panicking 我非常的惊慌 I gave my phone to a young person 我就拿去给一个青年人 I said, "Please take a look at my cell phone. Why is it like that?" 我说请你看一看我的手机 I said, "Please take a look at my cell phone. Why is it like that?" 为什么变这样 He gave me a blank stare 他就一眼白眼瞧我一个 "It's very simple, three fingers" 很简单 三个手指 "Tap three times and it will return to normal" 三下就回去了 He wondered why I didn't know how to do something so simple 他就一副这么简单的事情 He wondered why I didn't know how to do something so simple 真的不知道 So, don't think that you have knowledge 所以不要以为我们有知识 Or that you have reason 我们有道理
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So you can look down on others 我们就轻视别人 Do not look down on others because you have some knowledge 不要因为我们懂得现在的知识 Do not look down on others because you have some knowledge 所以我就轻视在家里 The wife who doesn't know anything about technology 不太知道所谓科技时代的太太 Just because we understand how to take care of the home 不要因为我自己很懂得 Just because we understand how to take care of the home 怎么样处理家事 Don't look down on that husband who is a novice in the kitchen 就轻视那个厨房白痴的先生 God says not to rely on our own cleverness 神告诉我们不要倚靠我们的聪明 Because our cleverness will make us use reason 因为聪明会让我们用道理 To explain or interpret another person's behavior 去建立去说明 去解释别人的行为 "How stupid. You can't do such a small thing" 你多笨 这么小的事情都不会 Sometimes we will discover 有的时候我们发现 In our minds we often think 我们常常心中觉得 When we think that we are smart 自己很聪明的时候 You won't have patience for that child 你常常没有耐心去看这个小孩 That child's homework is so simple 这个小孩的功课这么简单 "Two plus three equals? Five" 2加3多少 5 "Five minus three equals? Two" 5减3等于多少 2 "You don't even know this?" 你连这么简单都不知道 Don't forget when a child is a certain age 不要忘记小孩在一个年龄的时候 He only knows two plus three equals five 他只懂得2加3等于5
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He doesn't know that five minus three equals two 5减3等于2 他是不知道的 So, first, God tells us 所以第一个神告诉我们 What is enduring love? 坚忍的爱是什么 We have to let go of thinking we are smarter than others 要放下我们自以为聪明 The next is not to hold others accountable for our own happiness 第二个不坚持自己的幸福 The next is not to hold others accountable for our own happiness 别人要负责 Sometimes, we demand that our requests, needs 有的时候我们要求我所有的需要 Our values come from others 我的价值 你要提供 "My parents need to give me direction" 我所要的方向 父母要让我知道 "My parents need to give me freedom" 我所要的自由 父母要给 "You have to let me know what I need" 我所需要的东西 你要给我知道 Sometimes, we give others great pressure 有的时候我们给人家很大的压力 Because what we truly love and need, our values 因为我们真正爱的需要跟那价值 Other people cannot be responsible for 不是人家能够负责的 We need to consider others' limitations 我们需要去考虑别人的人性的限制 And give others the chance for renewal 给人更新的机会 Because love is merciful 因为爱是仁慈的 When we see others' limitations 当我们看到别人的限制的时候 We will find that 你就发现 Actually, there are many ways for our love 其实我们的爱有很多的方法 Why can't we love or have mercy 我们为什么没有办法去爱去怜悯 Because we think someone shouldn't be like this 因为我觉得你不应该这样 Based on reason, they should understand 按照道理来讲 你应该懂得
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Based on reason, they shouldn't have done it 按照道理来讲 你不应该做这件事 Based on reason 按照道理来说 You should be treated a certain way 我应该得到这一份的待遇 When we stop and think, everyone is ordinary 停下来想 每一个人都是平凡的人 We all have our limitations 我们都有我们的限制 Oftentimes, we think 很多的时候我们认为 "I should not be so angry" 我们不应该这么样的生气 "There is no reason to be so angry" 没有道理生气 But when we are really angry 可是当我们真正生气的时候 If you reason with that person and say, "Don't be so angry" 你用道理说 你不要这样生气 Does that work? 他就能够不生气吗 What does that person need when he or she is angry? 反过来说 他生气的时候需要什么 He or she needs understanding and someone to listen 他生气的时候需要的是了解跟听 When we see this from this perspective 当我们从这个观念 When we see this from this perspective 这个角度去看的时候 We will find mercy in our hearts 就发现你心中就有怜悯 Once I was in a coffee shop 有一次我在一个咖啡店 A mother was shouting 听到一个声音 妈妈很大声的说
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"What does it have to do with me if you cannot draw a beautiful sun?" 你太阳画不好干我什么事 The child was around four years old 我一看 一个小朋友大概四岁左右 She cried as she held her drawing in her hands 眼泪流下来 拿了一个画 Her mom was so angry and was checking her phone 她妈妈非常生气在滑手机 As I saw that child, my heart broke for her 我看那个孩子 我心里就有痛 I found what that child needed 我就发现这个孩子所需要就是 She couldn't draw a sun well 他画那个太阳画得不好 She just needed someone to tell her 他需要只是有一个人能说 "It's ok, you can draw another one" 没关系 你再画就好 But the mother interpreted it as 可是妈妈就把它解释成为 Her child wanted her to draw a sun for her 你好像要我帮你把这个太阳画好 "That's your business" 这是你的事情 "Why do you have to bother me?" 你为什么要这样来麻烦我呢 When I saw those tears, I thought to myself 当我看到泪水的时候 我就说 "This mother has lost a great opportunity" 这个妈妈失去一个最好的机会 "To give this child" 能让这个孩子得到 "What she needs most at this moment" 在那个时候最需要的 "Understanding and empathy" 这是一份谅解 一份同理而已 We often get stuck in our own reasoning 我们常常因为 We often get stuck in our own reasoning 固执在我们的道理里面 And we don't want to give a little bit of mercy 我们连一点点怜悯都不愿意给
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"How can you be so stupid? I asked you to buy soy sauce" 你怎么这么笨 跟你交代买酱油 "How could you get this?" 你怎么买成这样呢 "You see, I told you to buy three apples" 你看我跟你说买三个苹果 "If there are kiwi, get two" 如果有奇异果的话就买两个奇异果 "And you only brought back two kiwis" 结果你带回来这是两个奇异果 "How could you not understand?" 你是怎么听的呢 But what the husband heard was 可是没有想到这个先生他听到的是 "Get three apples" 要买三个苹果 "But if there are two kiwis" 可是如果有两个奇异果的时候 "Just get two kiwis" 就买两个奇异果就好 "And not the three apples" 就不用买那三个苹果了 Everyone has their limitations 每一个人都有他的限制 Everyone has some things they cannot do well 每一个人都有他做不到的地方 Or some things they cannot understand 听不懂的地方 We can take that extra step to help them understand 我们多走一步帮助他了解 To help them live a better life 帮助他日子过得好一点 That is love 这就是爱 So, the action of love is for the needs of others 所以爱的行动是为了别人的需要 Not our own needs 而不是为了自己的需要 When we have the love of God's life 当我们有神生命的爱的时候 We start to not insist that we are God 你就开始不坚持自己是神 We start to appreciate others, instead of making demands on them 我们就开始用欣赏代替要求
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It's so interesting 好有趣 When I say this, you understand it like that 虽然我这样说你会听成这样 It's hilarious 太好笑了 But it's ok. If you really don't understand , let me explain this 没关系 你真的不了解我说给你听 Wives, let me pat you on the back 太太 来 我疼疼 Though what you say may not make sense 即使妳说的是多么没有道理 But your feeling is very 可是我觉得妳感觉是非常的 Really, you really need it now 真的 妳现在真的需要 When is it not good to reason 什么时候不要说道理 When you have good reason 当你自己很有道理的时候 Please don't reason 请你千万不要说道理 When people don't want to listen to reason 当别人不要听道理的时候 When they don't need reason 需要不是需要道理的时候 Don't reason with them 就不要讲道理 When you cannot understand his or her reason 当你听不到别人的道理的时候 Please don't reason with him or her 也请你不要讲道理 Because reasoning cannot replace true love and mercy 因为道理不能代替真正的爱跟怜悯 So, you notice what he or she needs 所以你注意到他的需要是什么 They need understanding 他需要知道 他需要了解 My husband always forgets my birthday 我的先生每次都会忘记我的生日 I insisted he remember in the past. Because of my expectation I felt lost and angry 以前我也是坚持 期待 失落 生气 Later I found that he needs some help 后来发现其实他需要一点帮助 So, I told my husband 所以我就告诉他说 Give me your notebook and I will write it down for you 你的本子拿来我帮你写
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This day is your wife's birthday 这一天就是你太太生日 Don't forget to buy her flowers 不要忘记买花给她 You have to buy red roses 你要买红色的玫瑰花 Don't buy white carnations 不要买白色的康乃馨 That's it 没有事了 When you know he has a need 当你知道他有需要的时候 Our conclusion is that 我们下面的结论就是 What do you need? 你需要什么 Since you believe in God 因为信神 Don't be the God of your children 我们就不要做我们孩子的上帝 Don't be the one who controls the life of your children 我们就不要做 Don't be the one who controls the life of your children 我们孩子的命运掌控者 Because I believe in God 因为我相信神 I only have to lead them to God 我只要把他带到上帝的面前 You will find that this cycle 你发现这个循环 In our hearts 我们就心里能够 We have a sweet and free love 甘心自由的爱就出来了 We won't be limited by the traditions of ethnic Chinese families 我们不会受到我们华人家庭的限制 Why? 因为什么 Because God's love lets us know 因为有神生命的爱让我知道 What true love is 什么叫做真正的爱 Because God loves us when we are unlovable 因为神在我不可爱的时候爱我 When we lose hope in ourselves 神在我对自己失去希望的时候 God has unlimited hope for us 祂对我有无限的希望 Because He gives us living water to drink 因为祂给我活水喝 And He does not tell us where to attend services 而不回答我应该在哪里聚会
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Just like that Samaritan woman 就像那撒玛利亚妇人一样 God knows what we need 因为神知道我所需要的 We will once again 所以我们再走一次 Have love that is free and sweet 要有甘心自由的爱 To solve the contradiction between freedom and a sense of belonging 能够解决自由跟归属感的矛盾 We have the love of God's life first 我们先有神生命的爱 And we don't insist that we are God 不坚持自己是神 We appreciate others instead of making demands on them 用欣赏代替要求 We pay attention to their needs 注意到对方的需要 And the conclusion is how we can help 然后结论是我可以帮什么忙 Let go and let God be the God of the people we love 放手让神做我们所爱的人的神 We don't need to judge them 我不需要做他的判官 Or control their fate 我也不需要做他命运的掌握者 Then, we will have love in our hearts 这样我们心中就有爱了 So, when we have self centered love 所以当我们有自我中心的爱的时候 We are afraid of losing 我们就害怕失去 When we need a sense of security 我们就有需要安全感的时候 We will make demands and become very sensitive 我们就一再的要求 很敏感 And we misunderstand others 我们就误会 We give others pressure 然后我们就给人家压力 But when there is love of God's life 可是有神生命的爱的时候 We will find that God tells us there is no fear in love 你就发现神跟我们说爱里没有惧怕 Because we are loved by the one true God 因为你是独一神所爱
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The reason we hold others accountable for our happiness 我们会要求别人为我的幸福 The reason we hold others accountable for our happiness 为了快乐负责 Is because we don't know how to be happy 因为我不知道我自己 Is because we don't know how to be happy 怎么样得到快乐 But when we are in the love of God's life 可是当我们在神生命的爱里面 You will find that in the Word of God 你发现在神的话里面 You will find God's love 你就找到神的爱 I especially like to pick on people 我特别喜欢去挑别人 When they don't meet my expectations 不符合我期待的特质 Because we want to correct them 因为我们想去管 Because we want to correct them 我们想去纠正 And we want to manipulate them 我们想去操纵 But when we have the love of God's life 可当有神生命的爱的时候 I see their limitations from God's perspective 我就从神的眼光看到人的限制 Just like that woman who committed adultery 就像那个卖淫的妇人被抓到的时候 The Pharisees, the Jews, asked Jesus 法利赛人就问耶稣 犹太人问耶稣 "How should we deal with her?" 我们应该怎么处理 Based on reason, she should be stoned to death 按这道理来讲她应该被打死 But Jesus wrote something on the ground 可是耶稣就画字 Maybe many people have studied 可能很多人在研究 What Jesus wrote on the ground 耶稣在地上画字是写什么 Jesus raised his head and asked her 可是耶稣抬起头来问她说 Did anyone stone you? 没有人拿石头打妳吗 She said no 她说 没有 "Then, I won't condemn you either" 那我也不处罚妳 "Go now and leave your life of sin" 去吧 以后不要再犯罪
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Give them a second chance 给人家第二个机会 Mercy, that's God 怜悯 这就是神 God sees our limitations 神看到我们的限制 God doesn't see those parts that don't fit His ideals 神不是看到我们不符合 God doesn't see those parts that don't fit His ideals 祂理想的地方 When we ask others for so much 当我们要求别人这么多 When we ask 要求的时候 We find that we are disappointed 我们就发现我们是失望的 We lose the power of love that makes us willing to work hard 然后我们就失去了 We lose the power of love that makes us willing to work hard 愿意努力的爱的力量 But when we come back to God 可是当我们回到上帝的面前 With the love of God's life 有神生命的爱的时候 We start to have enduring love 你就发现我们就开始有坚忍的爱 We learn the power of love 我们就学习有爱的力量 How beautiful it is! 多美的一件事情 How can we go from self centered love 怎么样从自我为中心的爱 To the love of God's life? 变成与神的生命为爱 You will find that your entire world has changed 你发现你整个世界是变了 Because originally, you didn't see that person as good 因为这个人你原来看了格格不入 You could not bear that person 你真的看不惯 Suddenly, you find that he or she is lovely 突然之间你觉得他满可爱 How is it that he would buy me white carnations? 居然买花会买到白色康乃馨 You will think it's very interesting 你会觉得非常有趣 So, let us come back to God 所以 让我们可以回到上帝面前
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To learn God's wisdom 来学习神的智能 And how to love people 怎么去爱人 The second thing I want to talk to everyone about 第二个我觉得要跟大家谈的 Especially the young brothers and sisters 尤其是年轻的弟兄姊妹 Is to face our relationships with maturity 用成熟的心来面对关系 Sometimes, our young brothers and sisters 有的时候年轻人弟兄姊妹 They think it's hard to face me 觉得我真的很难面对 For our elders 我们的长辈 We don't know how to face them 我们不知道要怎么样去面对他才好 We are a little scared of them 我们有点怕他们 We don't know what to say 然后我们也不知道要怎么说 But here, I want to tell everyone 可是这里我想要跟大家讲说 In First Corinthians, chapter 14, verse 20, it says 哥林多前书第14章第20节说 Brothers and sisters, stop thinking like children 弟兄们 在心志上不要作小孩子 In regard to evil be infants 然而在恶事上要作婴儿 But in your thinking be adults 在心志上总要作大人 I often found this in psychotherapy 这在我心理治疗的时候常常发现 Maybe we are older 我们可能年纪很大 But we think that 可是我们仍旧觉得 Our parents still treat us like we are kids 我们的爸爸妈妈好像我小时候一样 They control us, lecture us and punish us 管我 说我 处罚我 And we cannot fight against them 然后我都不能够跟他们对抗
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I think for parents 我觉得我妈妈 爸爸 They keep this kind of image 一直保持在这样的一个形象里面 Though some people are in their 20s or 30s 我在心里虽然现在已经二十岁 But in their mind they are still children 三十岁 可是我心里还是那个小孩 First Corinthians tells us 哥林多前书告诉我们 In your thinking be adults 在心志上总要做大人 Don't be afraid 不要怕了 Use an adult perspective to see your relationships with your family members 用成人的眼光来看你跟亲人的关系 You're a grown up 你已经大了 You're not someone who is controlled 你不是那个被管的人 You're someone who is cared about 你是那个被关心的人 You can offer care now 你现在是可以提供关心 And you can come to know your parents as they are now 认识你年老的父母的一个时间了 Because you're a grown up 因为你已经是大人 So, I want to invite the brothers and sisters in your 20s and 30s 所以我邀请我们二 三十岁的 Brothers and sisters, in your thinking be adults 弟兄姊妹 我们在心志上长大 Brothers and sisters, in your thinking be adults 成为一个成人 Have an adult's perspective 用成人的眼光 To deal with all your loving relationships 来处理我们所有的爱的关系 We cannot look for the love of a father from our husbands 我们不要在先生的身上寻求父爱
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Because they cannot give us that 因为他不能给 But we can get that from our God 可是我们可以从神那里得到父爱 We have to understand this from an adult relationship 要用成人的关系去理解 We need to be our husband's helper 我们的先生成为他的助手 Don't just keep silent 不要一直不说 Or not praise your kids 对我们的小孩子不说赞美的话 Because you think your kids won't understand 因为我们觉得我们孩子真的是不懂 Don't forget 不要忘记 Our children need a grown father's love 孩子需要的是我们成人父亲的爱 Let us learn to think as adults 在我们学习在心志上 Learn how to be an adult 学习做一个成年人 But you may ask 但是你要问说 That seems a little difficult 那好像有点难 What can we do realistically? 真的要怎么做 I think we can learn 我觉得我们可以学习 And understand the needs of others 了解对方的需求 And effectively and correctly express our love 然后有效正确的表达爱 This is difficult in ethnic Chinese society 这在我们华人当中是很难学的 Because for ethnic Chinese, as we grow up 因为华人从小到大 We don't receive relationship education 都没有所谓情感的教育 Think about it 大家想想看 In textbooks 我们的教科书上 In children's story books 我们的儿童故事书 There is no teaching about how to build loving relationships 没有教我们怎么用情感来建立情感
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We all build up relationship based on reasoning 我们都是用应该跟道理来建立情感 We should obey and serve our parents 我们应该要孝顺 We should love each other 我们应该要彼此相爱 But it doesn't tell us 可是没有告诉我们 How to cultivate the feeling of love 怎么样去培养有爱的感觉 How to deal with our parents based on love 怎么样可以用爱来跟父母相处 So, we have to learn it 所以我们要学习 For example 举个例子 Let's take mothers as an example 我们以妈妈来说 Let's go back to the story we told in the beginning 我们常常就回到我们原来 Let's go back to the story we told in the beginning 刚刚开始说的那个故事 We have heard so much of the Word of God 我们听到这么多上帝的语言 How can we take action? 那我们怎么样来行动呢 We see our parents from this perspective 我们用这个眼光来看我们的父母 Your mother is no longer the very strict mother when you were little 你妈妈其实已经不是你小时候那个 Your mother is no longer the very strict mother when you were little 非常严格的妈妈 She is a woman who is gradually losing her influence over you 她已经是慢慢失去 She is a woman who is gradually losing her influence over you 她影响力的一个女人 She knew everything about you in the past 以前你所有的事情她都知道 And she arranged everything 所有事情都是她在安排 "Mom, where's my bookbag?" She would find it at once 妈妈我书包 马上找出来
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"Mom, I didn't finish my work." She would do it at once 妈妈我习作没有做 我赶快来做 "Mom, I forgot my book." She would bring it to you 妈妈我教科书忘了 我马上送去 Your mother seemed to know everything 妈妈好像知道你所有的事情 She managed everything 妈妈管你所有的事情 But gradually your mother has pulled back 可是慢慢妈妈的手收回来 You no longer need your mother in your life 你的人生里面已经不需要妈妈了 She has lost her role 她是一个失去角色的人 One time at a parenting workshop in North America 有次在北美一个 One time at a parenting workshop in North America 亲子的一个工作坊里面 A mother asked me 有个妈妈问我说 "Professor Wu, may I ask you a question?" 武老师我想请问一下 "I eat with my children every other week" 我跟我的孩子每两周一起吃饭 "What should I say to them?" 我应该说什么 What kind of question is that? 这是什么问题啊 She said, "Every time I talk to them" 她说 我每次跟他说话 I asked, "How is your work going?" 我说 孩子你工作还好吧 My children say, "You wouldn't understand. You don't have to bother with it" 我孩子就说 妈妈妳不知道 不用管 "Just take of yourself" 妳管自己就好 So I asked, "How are the grandchildren?" 那我想 那我问孙子还好吧 "They're naughty, just relax Mom" 淘气 妈妈 妳轻松好 This mother realized that she didn't know what to say 妈妈突然发现
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This mother realized that she didn't know what to say 我不知道要说什么 She asked me, "Professor Wu" 她就问我 武老师 "What should I say when I eat with them?" 我跟他吃饭的时候要说什么 Actually we realize 其实发现 Your Mom is no longer that super capable person of your youth 你的妈妈已经不是小时候那个 Your Mom is no longer that super capable person of your youth 非常能干 全能的妈妈 She is a woman who is gradually losing her role and influence 她是一个慢慢失去角色 She doesn't know what to do 失去影响力 不知道该做什么 She doesn't know how to face her children or to help them 不知道如何面对她的孩子 She doesn't know how to face her children or to help them 不知道怎么帮她孩子 So sometimes we can say to our mothers 所以有的时候我们可以跟妈妈说 "Don't worry Mom" 妈妈不要烦 对不起 Worrying about her children is a mother's lifetime privilege 为孩子担心 那是她一辈子的特权 Because her children are the apple of her eye 因为你是她心中的一块肉 So how to use the principles we just talked about 所以怎么样用我们刚刚的原则 Through prayer and praise 怎么样借着祷告 借着赞美 Let's go back to the Word of God 回到上帝的话里面 And let God tell us 然后让神告诉我们 Pay attention to those things that are good 要去留意那些美善的事情 So we stop seeing our parents' limitations 我们开始去看不是父母的限制 We stop seeing our past wounds 不是过去我所受的伤痛
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We focus on those things that are good 而现在来看什么是美善 We do things that make our mothers beautiful 可以做使她美丽的事情 We take action to do what is good 然后再采取行动来做美善的事情 So what can we do for our beloved family members? 所以我们可以怎么做 So what can we do for our beloved family members? 面对我们最爱的亲人 Before we believed in Jesus 在我们还没有信主的时候 When we were still children in our minds 当我们心中还认为我是孩子的时候 All we cared about was ourselves 我们是关心自己的需求 "All my time is mine" 所有的时间都是我的时间 "You'd better leave me alone, don't bother me" 最好不要来招惹我 不要啰嗦我 All we cared about was, "You take care of me" 我们关心的是 你来照顾我 But when we return to the adult perspective 可是当我们回到成人的观点 When we use God's perspective 用神的眼光来看 What we care about is her needs 你关心的是 她的需求 Mothers only want your time 妈妈要的只是你的时间 What is an action of love? 我们什么叫爱的行动 Spending time with your mother 陪妈妈一下 Don't give her another vacuum cleaner 不要再送吸尘器了 She has been cleaning all her life 她已经打扫房间一辈子了
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Spend time with her 陪她一下 It's interesting, one time 我觉得很有意思是有一次 I was bitten by an insect a while ago 前一阵子因为我被虫咬了 I had a mild allergic reaction 所以有点敏感 So I took some antibiotics 所以吃了抗生素 I didn't feel well and I was lying in bed 不舒服的时候我躺在房间 My grandchild came to see me 在休息 正好我的孙子来 He was in first grade 小学一年级 He brought a glass of water to my bedside 他就自己一个人 He brought a glass of water to my bedside 就拿了一杯水到我床旁边 He asked me, "Grandma, are you ok?" 问我说 奶奶 妳还好吗 "Do you want some water?" 妳要喝水吗 I said, "Ok" 我说 好啊 So I drank the water 我就喝水 But he didn't leave 结果我发现这小孩没有走 He kept talking with me 他在那边继续就跟我聊 About what happened in school 他学校有什么事情 He was just talking with me 他真的在跟我聊天 So I drank four glasses of water 所以那天我喝了四杯水 I felt so good 好舒服 I don't ask for much 其实要的不多 I just want your time 就是你的时间 So don't be impatient 不要觉得不耐烦 She doesn't ask for much 因为她有的没有很多 All she needs is a little bit of your time 她需要就是一点你的时间 And your care 你的照顾 Your care doesn't mean carrying things for her 照顾不是帮她拎东西 Nor offering her your help 不是帮她什么
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But if one day you go to her house 而是说有一天我到妳家里来 "Mom, let me help you" 妈妈我帮妳 "Whatever is beyond your reach, I'll help you to get" 把所有上面妳拿不到的东西 "What do you want to tidy up?" 我帮妳拿下来 妳要整理什么 "I'll help you" 我帮妳整理 "If you can't clean it, I'll help you" 妳没有办法清扫我帮妳清扫 When your mother see you cleaning 当妈妈看到你这样扫的时候 She will feel, "It's good to have children" 她心里真的觉得 有孩子真好 How honored a mother feels when you show your appreciation 做一个妈妈是多么的荣幸 How honored a mother feels when you show your appreciation 你的感激 One year, I thought to myself 有一年我自己想到说 I never once said to my father, "I love you" 我都没有跟我的爸爸说 我爱他 So I was thinking 所以我就想 "Should I tell him that I love him?" 我是不是要跟他说我爱他 But you know, my father was a police chief 可是你知道我爸爸是警察首长 I was living in the US 以前 都在美国 So I gathered the courage to call my father 所以我就鼓起勇气打电话我说 "Dad", I said it quickly while I still had the courage 爸爸 我就趁我还没有说 "Dad", I sad it quickly while I still had the courage 还没有胆怯的时候 "Dad, I love you" 我说 爸爸 我爱你 He became quiet 突然之间我爸爸就安静了 I was afraid 我吓到 很害怕 I didn't know what he was thinking 我不知道我爸爸在想什么 My father didn't have much of a reaction 我爸爸后来就没有什么反应 He just said, "Ok, good" 然后说 喔喔喔 好好
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Then he hung up 就挂了电话 I was nervous for a week 所以我就忐忑不安一个礼拜 I didn't know what my father was thinking 我想我爸爸不知道会怎么样 Two weeks later 就两个礼拜之后 I received a three page letter from my father that was written with a calligraphy brush 我就收到一封 I received a three page letter from my father that was written with a calligraphy brush 他用毛笔写的三页的字的信这么厚 The first sentence was 然后第一句话就是 "Dear daughter" 亲爱的小妹 Tears ran down my cheeks 我的眼泪就来 I just said the words that were difficult for me to say 我只是说一个 I just said the words that were difficult for me to say 我这一生很难说出来的话 Brothers and sisters, as a Chinese Christian 弟兄姊妹 做一个华人的基督徒 We don't need to follow the world's standard by using some buzzwords 我们不要去跟从世人的标准 We don't need to follow the world's standard by using some buzzwords 用一些非常时髦的话语 Such as emotional blackmail 譬如说情感勒索 Let's hold onto the love that our Chinese parents have for us 我们好好拥有的这一份 Let's hold on to the love that our Chinese parents have for us 我们华人父母对我们的爱 The love we have for our children 我们对孩子的爱 Let's make good use of it 我们好好的来运用 Express our gratitude to our parents or children 表达我们的感激 Express our gratitude to our parents or children 对父母感激 对孩子感激 "Thank you Son, you're brushing your own teeth" 谢谢儿子你今天居然自己刷牙 "So that I don't need to help you with that" 让我可以不用去管你刷牙的事情
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"That's wonderful" 真是太好了 Let's learn to have mercy on other's limitations 让我们学习 Let's learn to have mercy on other's limitations 怎么样去看到别人的限制而怜悯 So that our perspectives will change 你的观念就会改 I remember one time there was something very interesting 我记得有一次很有趣的是 I had come back from the US 我从美国回来 And I brought my mother in law to live with me 我就接我的婆婆跟我住 I decided to make her happy 然后我就决心说 I decided to make her happy 要让我婆婆觉得非常开心 So beside my house 所以我就在我东海的旁边的地上 I created a small garden 就弄了一个小小的菜园 I got it ready for my mother in law to plant vegetables 把它耕种得很好 把它整得很好 I got it ready for my mother in law to plant vegetables 让我的婆婆可以种菜 Because she used to sell vegetables 因为她以前是卖菜的 My mother in law was happy 我婆婆很高兴 She worked in the garden every day 每天就去种菜 When she came back from the garden 这当她种菜完了以后 She walked into the house with her shoes on, and left footprints on my carpet 回来 她就穿着那双鞋 She walked into the house with her shoes on, and left footprints on my carpet 就在我的地毯上有一个一个的脚印 So I said to my mother in law 所以我就跟我的婆婆说 "Please change shoes" 可以换一个鞋 She said, "Ok" 我婆婆说 好 好 She was so nice 我婆婆人超好 She bought three pairs of shoes in total 结果一共买了三双鞋 It's just human nature 就人就是这样 So one time I lost my temper 所以有一次我实在崩溃了 My child was learning to crawl 是因为我的孩子在学爬
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And he put mud in his mouth as if it was candy 居然把那个泥巴拿来当糖来吃 I lost my temper and ran out 我就爆了 我就出去 Thank God that Tunghai University is a big campus 还好 东海地方很大 I was running and I asked God 我就跑 我就问神说 "Why?" 为什么 "I'm just asking her to change shoes, is that so difficult?" 我只是要求她换双鞋 有这么难吗 Dear brothers and sisters 亲爱弟兄姊妹 When our reasoning comes out 我们的道理出来的时候 Don't stop at the why 不要停留在为什么 Find the answer 去找答案 真的去找为什么 This is the beginning of understanding others 这就是你了解她的开始 Suddenly I felt ashamed 我突然想到我就非常惭愧 My mother in law had lived in the countryside 因为我婆婆住在乡下 There was mud outside and inside 她外面跟里面都是泥巴的 All 70 some years of her life 从来这一生七十几年 She never changed shoes when she came home 她没有从外面到里面换过鞋的 She would just wash her feet before going to bed 她在晚上睡觉的时候 She would just wash her feet before going to bed 才洗脚才上去 Who am I 我是哪根葱 To demand her to live like that? 我竟然要求这样生活 An elderly person in her 70s 七十岁的一个老人家 For my own convenience 突然之间为了我的方便 Should she immediately change shoes? 就可以马上学习换鞋 When I thought about it in this way 当我这样一想的时候 I realized that God had given me a very clear answer 你发现 神就给你非常清楚的答案
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What did I care about the most? 什么很在乎呢 Was it necessary to change shoes? 需要换鞋吗 No. So I rolled up my carpet 不需要 我就把我的地毯卷起来 I hired someone to mop the floor. Problem solved 找一个人来拖地 解决 I realized that many of the conflicts among our family members 有发现我们亲人当中 I realized that many of the conflicts among our family members 很多的冲突 Many of the resentments come from 很多的怨是来自于 "Why don't you listen to me?" 你为什么不听我的 "You should do as I say" 你应该跟我的 We can't get out from that 我们走不出来 But when we put 可是当我们把我们这样 A self centered love 以自我中心的爱 A demanding love, a reasoning love 要求的爱 道理的爱 In God's perspective 放在上帝的眼中的时候 The living water that flows from God will let you see 从神流出那个活水 The living water that flows from God will let you see 就会让你看到 From God's perspective you no longer see 用神的眼光你看到的不是 How much she doesn't fit your ideals 她多么不让 你不符合你的理想 Instead, you see how much she needs your help 而是她多么需要你的帮助 So when my husband tries to give me advice when I am upset 所以当我的先生我难过他开始说 So when my husband tries to give me advice when I am upset 跟我建议的时候 I tell him 我就告诉我的先生 "Honey, when I'm complaining" 我说 亲爱的 当我在抱怨的时候 "Your advice makes me feel foolish" 你这样说就让我觉得我很愚蠢 "That I don't even understand that" 我连这个都不了解 "I know you don't mean that" 我知道你不是这个意思
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"But I want you to know" 可是我希望你知道 "Yes you're trying to help me" 你是想帮我 "But when you try to help me in this way" 可你这样帮我的时候 "It makes me feel like a fool" 就让我觉得我很愚蠢 "Would you just pause and listen to me?" 你可不可以暂时听我说一下 We help others to get along with us 我们帮助别人来跟我们相处 Because they don't understand us 因为他真的不懂你 When we're going out to eat 所以当我们要出去吃饭的时候 Just be honest and say, "I want to eat beef noodles." Ok? 你就直接说 我今天想吃牛肉面 ok This will make our life simpler 让我们日子简单一点 How do we honor our father and mother? 我们怎么样能孝顺父母 We are happy ourselves 是我们自己很开心 Actually what parents are most concerned about is whether we have a good life 其实父母最揪心的 Actually what parents are most concerned about is whether we have a good life 就是我们过得不好 May God help us 帮助我们让我们能够 From their needs to learn how to manage a loving relationship 从他的需要里面 From their needs to learn how to manage a loving relationship 来学习怎么样经营一个爱的关系 Third, what is the wisdom that God gives us? 第三 神给我们的智慧是什么 Learn to turn faith into actions of love 学习将信心转为爱的行动 The Book of James chapter two, verse 14 says 雅各书二章14节说 "What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds?" 我的弟兄们 若有人说自己有信心 "What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds?" 却没有行为 有什么益处呢 "Can such faith save him?" 这信心能救他吗 We need to take action 要有行动
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We need to become adults 我们刚说要从心里从儿童变成成人 We see our parents' limitations 去看到父母的限制 And we take action 然后采取行动 To understand our parents 了解你的父母 I think that our older generation 我觉得我们再长一辈的 Especially we ethnic Chinese are at a disadvantage. Why? 尤其华人真的很吃亏为什么 We cannot tell people our needs 我们没有办法说出我们的需要 We can only tell you 但是我们只能够告诉你 What we have done for you 为你做了什么 In the hope that you will help us in return 希望你自己因为这样 In the hope that you will help us in return 所以你会提供我们的帮助 In our families 我们在家里 We often miss our children 常常会很怀念我们的小孩 But we don't say that we miss them 很想念小孩的时候我们不说的 We pick up the phone and say, "How are you?" 我们打起电话说 喔 最近好吗 "I'm busy." "Ok, take good care of yourself" 很忙 喔 那你多注意身体喔 Then we hang up the phone disappointed 放下来 非常失落 When children return home 孩子回到家里以后 We ask, "Have you had enough to eat?" 我们就说 孩子啊 你有吃饭吗 "Not yet? Help yourself" 好 没有吃饭 赶快去吃饭 "You need to go, you have to work tomorrow" 快点回去啦 你工作很忙 "You need to go, because parents should not block their children's future 快点回去 因为做父母的 "You need to go, because parents should not block their children's future 应该不要耽误孩子的前程 "You need to go. Go home" 你快点回去吧 回去吧 But when they leave 可是他真的回去 We say, "They really left". What complex feelings 我们说 真的回去啦 好复杂
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So here 所以在这里 I would like to persuade and encourage our older brothers and sisters who are parents 也是来劝我们的 彼此勉励 I would like to persuade and encourage our older brothers and sisters who are parents 我们年长的做父母的弟兄姊妹 Let our children be able to love us 让我们孩子真的可以爱我们 When you miss them 当你想念他们的时候 Just call them and say, "I really miss you" 就打个电话说 我真的很想念你 "Can you come home and fix the faucet" 你回来帮我修这个水龙头好吗 When children come home 当孩子回来的时候 Embrace them 可以拥抱他们 Here I especially want to invite 在这里我特别的邀请 Brothers and sisters who are watching online 现在在看 一起聚会的弟兄姊妹 Give your children a good hug 年长的 真的 好好抱抱你的孩子 As for children 做孩子的 Hug your parents and say, "I love you" 去抱抱你的父母说 我爱你 "Thank you for what you've done for me" 谢谢你为我做这么多 Tell your children, "Thank you for being so nice" 跟你的孩子说 谢谢你这么乖 "Thank you for staying until the end of the party" 让我可以把我的聚会 聚会完 "Thank you". Let's express our gratitude often 谢谢你 让我们常常说感谢的话 Let's take more notice of how they are good and lovable 让我们常常注意到他可爱的地方 Let's take more notice of how they are good and lovable 那是美善的 You will notice that it isn't that hard to love 你会发现 爱其实没有那么难
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But you need to take action 但是要有行动 Not just use empty words 不是说说而已 Sometimes my son is very interesting 我记得我的孩子有的时候很有趣 He is very wise 他很有智慧 When I nag him 当我在啰嗦他的时候 When I say, "Be careful about this or that" 我说 你要小心喔 等等 He hugs me and says 我的孩子就过来抱着我说 "I love you too" 我也爱你 This is love 就是爱 So treat your parents' nagging as 所以把你的父母的啰嗦看为 They are not controlling you 他不是要管你 They are just saying that they love you 他只是要说他爱你 When your child 当你的孩子 When your parents keep reminding you 当你的父母一直叮咛你 That you have to be careful about which subject you choose to study 你要注意 选这科系要小心 Don't choose a subject that you don't like 不要选一个你自己不喜欢的 Choose one that has a future 你要选个将来有成就 They're worrying about you, not hindering you 他只是担心你 他不是要阻碍你 When we Chinese express love ambiguously 从我们华人很含糊 When we use reason 用道理在表达爱的时候 Brothers and sisters, let's be able to see their needs from God's perspective 让我们弟兄姊妹可以从神的眼光 Brothers and sisters, let's be able to see their needs from God's perspective 穿过这个看到他的需要 As parents 做父母的 Don't rely on your own wisdom 不要依靠我们的智慧 Don't assume that you are God 不要自以为神
46:13
Who can foresee the future of their children? 懂得你的孩子将来 The future of your children is not in your hands 你的孩子的未来 The future of your children is not in your hands 不操纵在我们的手上 I remember when my daughter told me 我记得当我的女儿说 She wanted to study film 她要去念电影的时候 I was very worried 我是多么担心 Because in my mind 因为在我的脑海里面 I had an image of what the film industry looked like 电影的圈子是一个什么样的圈子 But a decade or so has passed 可是十多年过去 As she tells me with joy 当她很开心在告诉我 The details of her films 她在拍片上的点点滴滴的时候 I realize that God knows better than I do 我发现 神比我更知道 What's best for her 什么是对她最好 Let us let go 让我们放手 Let God be involved in our relationships 让神介入我们爱的关系里面 Let us let go 让我们放手 Let God be involved 让神介入我们所有 In all the lives of our loved ones 我们爱的人的生命里面 Because He's reliable 因为那是可靠 Let us enjoy the love of our family members 让我们享受我们的亲情 我们的爱 Instead of using reason 而不要用道理去觉得我们的爱 It's not accurate 是不标准的 It's not accurate about the other person 对方是不标准的 So brothers and sisters, don't doubt, believe 所以 弟兄姊妹 不要怀疑 要相信
47:16
Put love into action 跨过自己用爱的行动 Walk towards God's love 走向神的爱 I invite you 我邀请你 Oftentimes when we're hurt 很多时候我们心里受伤 We feel that our parents were too strict 我们觉得父亲 母亲当时候太严厉 See their limitations 看到他的限制 Because they truly didn't know how to love 因为他真的不懂得如何去爱人 They didn't know the ways to love us 他不懂爱我们的方法 They didn't even know how to love themselves 他连爱自己都不知道 So it's not that they didn't love you 所以他不是不爱你 They didn't know how to love you 他不知道怎么样爱你 When we feel that our children disappoint us 当我们觉得 When we feel that our children disappoint us 我们孩子让我们失望的时候 When we feel that our children are contradicting us 当我们觉得 When we feel that our children are contradicting us 我们孩子跟我们唱反调的时候 Don't assume that they are doing it on purpose 不要认为他是故意违反你 That they are purposely resisting you 故意对抗你 It's that they have their own opinion 而是他也有他的意见 Because they are different from us 因为他跟我们是不一样的人 Let us use a new perspective 让我们从一个崭新的眼光 To manage our relationships from God's perspective 从神的眼光去经营我们的关系 Think about God wanting us to see good things 思念神要我们看的是美善的事 Use action to do good things 用行动做一些美善的事
48:20
Let your family members receive comfort 让我们亲人得到安慰 Let your family members enjoy love in freedom 让我们亲人可以享受自由的爱 Without guesses, without assumptions 不用猜测 不用假设 Without much misunderstanding 不用过度误会 Let us speak of our love and care from our hearts 让我们直接说出我们的爱 关心 Let us see others' needs based on their limitations 从别人的限制里面看到别人的需要 Provide for their needs 提供他的需要 Because this is what God wants us to do 因为这就是神要我们做的 Good actions of love 美善的爱的行动 Let's pray 让我们一起来做一个祷告 Dear Lord 亲爱的主 We're truly grateful for Your grace 我们实在感谢赞美祢的恩典 You've let us come together to ponder 祢今天让我们能够在这里 You've let us come together to ponder 能够一起来思量 The Chinese people's entanglements of love 我们华人的爱的纠葛 The entanglements of family 我们亲人的纠葛 Lord, we have these pressures because we love one another 主 这些压力就是因为我们爱彼此 But we don't love well 可是我们爱的不好 Lord, we really need to place these relationships into Your hands 主 我们真是要把我们这些关系 As we let go 都放在祢的手中 我们卸下来 Lord, because You already have the answers 主 因为祢已经有了答案 Lord, let us open our hearts 主 让我们敞开心 Use Your perspective 用神祢自己的眼光 Use Your answers to respond 用祢的答案来回答 To the doubts in our family and love relationships 我们亲人我们爱的关系里面的疑惑
49:23
Lord, let us focus and rely on You 主 让我们专心倚靠祢 Let us pay attention to those good things 注意那美善的事 Let us not assume that we're smart 不要以为自己是聪明 Or use our own knowledge or reason to manage our love relationships 用自己的知识 道理 Or use our own knowledge or reason to manage our love relationships 来经营我们爱的关系 Let us learn the feeling of love 让我们学习爱的感受 The expression of love, the acceptance and forgiveness of love 爱的表达 爱的接纳跟饶恕 May Your love come and fill our families 求祢的爱来充满 May Your love come and fill our families 在我们的每个家庭里面 Lord, at this moment 主 在这个时候 I want to especially pray for certain brothers and sisters 我要特别为一些弟兄姊妹祷告 I want to especially pray for those who still have hurt from their childhood 我要特别为一些你心中 I want to especially pray for those who still have hurt from their childhood 还受到幼年伤害的弟兄姊妹祷告 I really ask God's love to bring great release 真的求神的爱 大大的释放你 You're still in an entanglement, it's still on your mind 你还纠葛 你还放在心里 Because you're still waiting for an answer 因为你还在等待一个答案 You're still wondering why they treated you that way 就是他为什么要这样对你 Lord, please help these brothers and sisters 主 求神帮助这些弟兄姊妹 Let them understand 让我们了解 They didn't mean to treat them that way 他不是故意要这样对我们 They couldn't help it 他是不得已 他没有办法
50:27
Because They had their own limitations 因为他有限制 They didn't know how to love 因为他不知道怎么爱 So they are not parents who hurt you 所以他不是一个伤害你的父母 They are parents who didn't know how to love you 他是一个不知道怎么爱你 Hence they hurt you 因此伤害到你的父母 May God's love 求神的爱 Allow you to walk out from this resentment 让我们从这个怨里面 走出来 To start anew 让我们可以重新更新我们的生活 To become a mature adult 成为一个成人 To continue to walk on the path of goodness that God wants you to walk on 继续走神要我们走美善的路 Lord, at this time I also want to pray 主 这时候也特别为一些心中 For those who are feeling scared and worried because of this pandemic 因为疫情而心中感觉害怕 For those who are feeling scared and worried because of this pandemic 忧虑的弟兄姊妹祷告 Lord, may Your love be with them 主 求神祢的爱与他们同在 May Your presence be with them 与我们同在 Lord, let us know that in fear 主 让我们知道在恐惧的时候 When we don't have answers 我们没有答案的时候 How we can experience stability from You 怎么从祢那边得到安稳的日子 Let us learn every day 让我们学习每一天 To do things that glorify God 都做一些能够荣耀神 And glorify others 能够荣耀别人 Enable us to have stable work 能够让自己可以得到安稳的工作
51:31
We rarely have time 我们难得有时间 It's rare to have time 难得多出来时间 May God help us 求神祢帮助我们 Let us use our time well 让我们善用那个时间 To do things that we usually can't 来做我们平时不能够做的 To love others, talk to one another, care for one another 爱别人 彼此交谈 彼此爱护 Communicate with one another 彼此沟通 做一些用网络 Go online to do things that comfort others 来做一些安慰的事情 To study the Bible, to do some reading 做一些查经 做一些阅读 To do some activities according to God 做一些听神话的活动 Don't be bitter because of the limitations caused by this pandemic 不要因为这个疫情受到了限制 Don't be bitter because of the limitations caused by this pandemic 而自苦 Lord, in this pandemic 主 让我们在疫情里面 Let us have stability because of You 因为有祢 所以我们得到安稳 Lord, please especially bless us 主 真是求神祢也特别赐福 Help us and have mercy on Taiwan 帮助 怜悯我们台湾 Lord, help Taiwan 神 祢帮助我们 To repent and confess our sins before You 台湾 我们能够在祢面前能够悔改 To learn to rely on You 认罪 能够学习倚靠祢 May Your redemption be upon us 求神祢的救赎就临到 Lord, we place these things in Your hands 主 我们把一切都放在祢手中 We also place those whom we care about in Your hands 我们把这个礼拜我们所关心的人 We also place those whom we care about in Your hands 也放祢手中
52:31
Lord, please help us 求神祢帮助我们 Let us know how to get along with them 让我们知道如何跟他们相处 May You also bless and protect them 也求神祢祝福他们 保护他们 Lord, we thank You for giving us the time 主 我们感谢主 祢赐给我们的时间 Thank You, Lord for giving us the opportunity 感谢主 祢让我们还有机会 To mend our relationships 可以弥补我们爱的关系 Lord, thank You, in Jesus Christ' name 主 谢谢主 祷告奉主耶稣基督的名 Amen 阿们 The following prayer 接下来这个祷告 I especially want to lead those 特别我要来带领 If you're watching our live online broadcast for the first time 若是你今天是第一次 If you're watching our live online broadcast for the first time 这样来观看我们在线直播的新朋友 I really want to invite you 我真的再次要邀请你 To say this prayer with me 可以跟我一起做这样的祷告 If you truly want to experience 如果你想要真的经历 What Professor Wu has shared in her message 刚刚武老师在信息当中分享 If you truly want to receive these blessings in your marriage 真的在婚姻当中 沟通当中 In your relationships with your parents or children 亲子关系里面得到的这些的祝福 That source of blessing is Jesus Christ 那个祝福的源头就是耶稣基督 I invite you to say a prayer with me 我邀请你可以来一起跟我做 To accept Jesus Christ 这个接受耶稣基督的祷告 You may say this 你可以这样说 Dear Lord Jesus 亲爱的主耶稣 I thank You 我感谢祢 For letting me really know 让我真的知道 Jesus Christ, You are the source of all love 耶稣基督祢是一切爱的源头 Today I'm willing to open my heart 我今天愿意打开我的心
53:34
To invite You into my life 邀请祢进入到我的生命当中来 To be my strength 成为我的力量 To be my help 成为我的帮助 I also confess that in the past 我也承认我过去在生命当中 All the trespasses 一切的过犯 I believe when I confess in my heart 我相信当我的心中 I believe when I confess in my heart 因着这样的承认 You say You come to cleanse 祢说祢可以来洁净 Come to recover, and come to forgive 来恢复 来赦免 Let me have a new life and new strength 让我有新的人生 新的力量 To once again face my life 再一次来面对我的生命 To receive an abundant life 得到一个丰盛的生命 Thank You for listening to my prayer 谢谢祢听我这样的祷告 In the name of Jesus Christ, 奉耶稣基督的圣名 Amen 阿们
55:07
Lord Jesus, yes 主耶稣 是的 We lift up our thanksgiving to You again 我们再次向祢献上感谢 Thank You for Your promises 谢谢祢 祢应许 To be our help and blessing 祢成为我们这一生的帮助与祝福 In Jesus Christ's name 我们再次奉耶稣基督的名 We sincerely declare 真的要来宣告 Jesus Christ, Your grace 耶稣基督祢的恩惠 Lord, Heavenly Father's love 主啊 祢天父的慈爱 May Your Holy Spirit be with us 祢圣灵天天的同在 Especially as we're facing this pandemic 特别在我们现在面对疫情当中 Be our help and strength always 成为我们随时的帮助与力量 In blessing and prayer 这样的祝福 祷告 In the name of Jesus Christ, 奉耶稣基督的圣名 Amen 阿们

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