18 WAYS A COVERT NARCISSIST CAN PERPETUATE FRUSTRATION

18 WAYS A COVERT NARCISSIST CAN PERPETUATE FRUSTRATION

SUBTITLE'S INFO:

Language: English

Type: Robot

Number of phrases: 372

Number of words: 2689

Number of symbols: 12087

DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES:

DOWNLOAD AUDIO AND VIDEO:

SUBTITLES:

Subtitles generated by robot
00:04
as you try to come to terms with the whole topic of narcissism I think one of the things you'll realize is it's it's such a broad topic that it doesn't lend itself very well to stereotypes there's so many different ways that narcissism can be portrayed now we talked about some folks being very overt in their narcissism they're loud they're branch they're forceful they're they dominate and take over a situation very easily and they're those people are kind of easy to spot but then you have what we
00:35
call the covert narcissist now I know in some other videos we've talked about that but the covert narcissist is not nearly so loud and in charge and in fact part of their strategy is that the lower they go under the radar than the less you can understand who they are which actually keeps them in a power kind of position and you may not think like that but in their mind it's like yeah and the more silent I might be in the way that I like to be in control then the better off everyone's going to be and they actually feel like I'm winning when I do that and and then by the way there are
01:06
some people who bounced back and forth between both overt and covert tendencies so today I'm gonna go through 18 different ways that a covert narcissist may play out some of their manipulations or control with you and the more you understand these and the better informed you can be as you try to figure out how to respond so let's get right to it now number one the covert narcissist makes very low attempts to connect with you it may be something simple like you're trying to share with impersonal things
01:37
or you discuss things that are of interest to you and over time you realize that person doesn't share back very deeply or they don't seem to ask a lot of follow-up questions or they don't seem all that impressed or concern and the reason is they don't connect they don't want that heart-to-heart kind of exchange because that puts them at least in their mind into a subordinate place and they don't want to be there number two covert narcissists can be very sensitive in the way that they respond to you in other words they can be very
02:08
thin-skinned you might just say something like well why don't we trying the instead of that as you're trying to approach a task and it's like why are you always making my life so hard and they can just be upset your unit is not like me or do you not care about what I'm doing or do you just think I'm stupid no no no I'm just offering a suggestion sometimes you can have the wrong inflection in your tone of voice you may have a look on your face or you may be three minutes late for something and they'll interpret that and who knows what kind of crazy way hypersensitivity
02:39
now number three and this is kind of a flip to that they don't have much sensitivity to you and to your emotions when you share something that's very meaningful to you whether it's you have a sentimental moment or let's say you're feeling frustrated you realize they don't go in very deeply with you because they don't care going back to number one they don't connect and then how about number four and that is they can over interpret your emotions to include
03:13
themselves or to inject themselves in a way that makes it very self-centered now what I mean by that is let's suppose that you say I had a really nice visit yesterday with a friend and let's say David and we had a real nice talk and then that covert narcissist is thinking why didn't you call me yesterday you didn't want to do anything with me am I just chump change I mean what's so what's such a big deal about David and so they over-interpret you and and make your experiences all about them of
03:45
course in a negative direction or how about number five many times they can seem bored or disinterested in their engagements with you there can be times when you're around them and they don't speak much they don't interact much they don't ask any kind of questions they just seem very disinterested and disconnected and that's part of that that need to be in control the less they reveal the less they get into you then the more in control they are but many times they just kind of have this
04:15
impression that says you just don't mean much to me go away or how about number six they operate with a chronic sense of judgment now they may not be as overwhelming as the overt narcissus maybe in their judgments in fact the Coburg narcissus may just say something like well I just don't agree with that or I don't know why anybody would do something like that but those kind of comments can be so persistent and just prevalent across the board day in and day out that you
04:46
realize what does it take to get on your good side and why is it that so many little bitty things bother you and they just kind of shrug it's like you just don't understand it's part of their judgment or how about number seven they can be uncomfortable in groups now I understand that some folks can be introverted and being around large groups of people isn't their cup of tea but many of those people can realize well you know that's where we are so let's make the most of it the covert narcissus it's like oh just shoot me I don't want to be around people they're a bunch of idiots anyway
05:18
I don't like the way they think last time I went to that group they were all just bragging about themselves they didn't care about anything that they'll find all sorts of things wrong with the people and the group's in front of them which is their way of saying get me out of here because I like being a place where I'm in total control or number eight they can quietly blame other people for their flaws now a classic one is let's suppose that covert narcissus is running a little late and they just say some way traffic got to me or I had
05:49
to take care of some of the kids needs and it was their fault and then you're thinking but you're the same amount of light everywhere you go and every time you come around you always have an excuse or let's suppose that they made an error at work or they blundered in the way that they handled something with one of the kids something like that well it's rather than saying you know lesson learn boy did I do [ __ ] they can't think like that it's always someone else's fault or how about number nine their
06:19
apologies can seem shallow it may be that they've been caught red-handed doing something wrong or their blunder is so obvious that they have to say something and so they may just say sorry or yeah that didn't work out too well did it and they don't really name it they don't really about it certainly and and you don't really get the satisfaction that says yeah you've really thought this thing through in such a way where it's going to be a positive in the long run they don't apologize well because they have
06:50
to be superior and apologies implied well I'm human like everybody else well how about number ten they can punish you with silence now I've actually dedicated an entire segment to the silent treatment in the narcissus but sometimes rather than being loud and forceful and pushy with their anger they're capable of it but many times they'll just go into a deep withdrawal you've done something that's offended them and they may not talk with you for a long extended periods of time if you're around them in
07:22
public they may not even look at you or it's just like you don't exist they don't care but that's their way of expressing anger and that also goes back to that thin-skinned part that they have or how about number eleven they operate with easy feelings of victimization you know what are you doing to me so if you let let's just say if you change plans and say hey you know I know that next Friday we were gonna do such-and-such but something's come up let's say there's an emergency it's like why are
07:54
you always making my life miserable or if you do something and they don't agree with it it's like you are one of the most difficult people that I've ever had to deal with and so they always make themselves the victim look what you're doing to me and that's part of low empathy they don't look into who you are and what's behind your decisions it's all about them or number 12 they might appear humble and yet there's an egotist behind their humility now what I mean by
08:24
that is sometimes in their silence and then their quiet nature you can think well there's a gentle soul and then over time as you get to know them it's like no no that's not a gentle soul they're over there just scouring people they just don't say anything about it so they may not inject themselves in the forceful way that the overt narcissist would do but what appears at first be tender and soft actually is for an attitude that says you're just so beneath me I don't even want to invest in you at all or at number thirteen they
08:58
often feel jealous if something good happens to you you know it'd be nice if that person can say hey way to go or I'm happy for you or this is really cool I know that you were hoping for that and sure enough it came through but instead if something good happens to you if you're describing an emotional exchange that you have with somebody else it's like who needs that or I wish that would happened to me or in other words they can't experience joy or any other kind of emotion with you because it's like well that should have been mine or
09:30
number 14 they have difficulty saying thank you or expressing gratitude let's suppose you've done them a great favor or that you were very helpful with somebody that's in their sphere of influence and you know they might say okay thanks but but rather than saying you know what I was in a pinch and you came through for me way to go and they don't really express that kind of gratitude or thankfulness in a way that makes you feel like it's heartfelt or
10:00
number 15 what appears as shyness may actually being a cover for smugness many times the the the covert narcissist can be in a group and they're over there off to the side and it seems like they just don't have a whole lot to say but if you were to get inside their mind they're over there thinking what a bunch of losers I'm having to hang with or you're so difficult I don't even want to mess with you but you know when somebody says hey come on and join us just like no no I don't really want to and and a lot of
10:33
it is just because they feel so superior to you or number sixteen they can hold grudges for a long time there might be a time when you're engaging with somebody that covert narcissist and you find out that they're still mad about something that happened seven years ago it's like hey get over it's like I don't get over it I remember when you do something wrong I've got a scorecard right here and I'm not going to forget it or how about number said
11:02
and team they often identify as a misunderstood unique person see keeping in mind part of narcissism means that you'd like to be superior and so if they don't engage well with other individuals it's because well I'm just different in a wonderful way and so rather than identifying as a part of the common folk they can't do that so well if people don't understand me it's because they don't understand my greatness or they don't understand how my mind operates at a much higher level and so there's that
11:35
that sense of arrogance that can come there and then how about number 18 they're not curious they're not curious about you anyway and they may have their own little pet projects that they like to get into but rather than them asking hey well what prompted you to have this interest or tell me a little bit more about thus and such that happened in your life it's like I don't care now going through all of these you realize there's so many different ways that people can have this control dimension so how are you going
12:06
to to respond our inward lead to these kind of folks and I've got just a few thoughts as we close here first and foremost understand that they actually like that emotional isolation and so don't live with the assumption that they want to do anything different in other words the more you think maybe I can connect with this person maybe I'm going to be the one that breaks through don't let yourself think that way because it just is what it is which then leads to another thought and that is when you
12:37
plead or you make an attempt to fix that person style it's only going to drive them deeper into their patterns keep in mind that when you have a lot of passive aggressiveness the passive aggressive this thing oh this feels so good when I know I'm frustrating you so the more you plead the more you beg then the more they go into that passive situation because they love to see you wiggle or another thought right you're going to need to drop any sense that you're gonna have intimacy with these folks intimacy not just of a sexual nature but just at
13:09
a level where it says you know I'm gonna share my heart with you and I want you to share your heart with me it won't happen and so finally we're going to say you're going to need to learn to get your personal fulfillment from places other than that narcissist you know the covert narcissism can be a little bit more difficult to deal with because it can be hidden at first but once you see the pattern then I'm hoping you can learn that it's not about you when they act that way this is just indigenous to what they are and I'm hoping that you can separate off and
13:39
live your life according to your wise distinctions now I hope that you gain something from the videos that we put up right beneath this video you're going to see a subscribe button I'd like to invite you to hit that button so that when new videos come up we can apprise you of that you'll notice also beneath the video that we have some links there for you with books and online workshops and I would hope that you would avail yourself for that I really enjoy doing this and I like getting the feedback from you and actually on many of the videos that I do are because of
14:11
suggestions that you've given me so keep up with the comments I love hearing from you and I will see you next time

DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES: