Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse

Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse

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if you don't get truly healed from narcissistic abuse and if you're not willing to sit with the pain and go through the difficult times you're going to continue to attract the same spirit in a different body in other words you're going to date the same person with a different face [Music] [Music] good morning for those of you who don't know me i'm dr angel storm i own the manifold mind
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life coaching business i am a life coach and i specialize in helping people recover from narcissistic abuse so during my time that i spend with my clients most of them come to me when they are in the early stages of narcissistic abuse recovery and that's actually what i want to talk to you about today in this video a lot of times we view narcissism as a
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bubble and we all we need to do is kind of pop the bubble and then we're going to be able to get out of the underneath the control the manipulation and the uh the contact from the narcissist but that's actually not true so when we have false expectations for what our um for what our life will be like once we leave the narcissist or once we are able to move out of the house with the
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narcissist because some people have have parents who have narcissistic traits some people are living um with with a friend with a roommate with a with a husband or a wife a spouse of some sort a child that has narcissistic personality disorder or at least has very strong narcissistic traits and they often think that once they're separated physically then their life kind of goes back to normal or it will even out in some way
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and that's um that's actually a it can be a very toxic way to think about the situation and about what's to be expected when you are going through the recovery process a lot of people again and we kind of think like we're starting at the very bottom of a hill and we're just kind of slowly and generally moving up until we get to the top of the hill but that's not how recovery looks that's not how it happens recovery is a series of ups and downs
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sometimes it feels like you're going backwards sometimes it feels like you're completely free and you're all the way forward at towards the finish line just to find out that you have another huge dip or you feel like you go back 10 10 paces or something like that this is all normal and in this video i just really want to encourage you if that seems to be your journey uh i want to talk a little bit about that i want to talk about how
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to handle that and uh what you can do when you recognize that the recovery process is not as easy smooth or as simple as you may have thought it was going to be when you started out so again a lot of people think that they're um they're going to climb a mountain right in their recovery process but actually they're going to be like on a boat in the middle of very tumultuous waters sometimes it's really um you're going to go up really high sometimes you're going to come back low sometimes you might get pushed off of
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your course a little bit all of this again is just completely normal when we are going through the process of recovering from narcissistic abuse one of the things that's really important to note is that you may end up coming across issues that had nothing to do with the narcissist but were wounds in your past um that had never been addressed right so the narcissist acts as kind of a highlighter or a spotlight on uh
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insecurities on wounds on damages that were done to us in our past and when we are recovering from going through the uh very abusive um time that we spend with the narcissist and again this could be emotional mental financial physical relational spiritual abuse that has occurred with the narcissist it can highlight to us other times when we've felt similar abuses or when we've
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suffered similar in injuries so it's very natural that when we're recovering from one thing we also start to address a lot of other wounds and damages that may have been caused during childhood or from a past relationship or from a job or a position that we held at one time or even from some of the beliefs that we took on and felt about ourselves this is all extremely normal this is why simply leaving the narcissist does not
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mean that we are actually whole it does not mean that we're actually mentally emotionally financially spiritually relationally whole there's some work that needs to be done on my youtube channel i talk a lot about how the narcissist was able to access your life right because because just because you're a target just because you're a target of narcissistic abuse doesn't mean that you need to be a victim of it and the people who do become victims of narcissistic abuse do
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have an opportunity to learn something about the way that they've been conducting their lives about the way that they've been setting up their relationships and and it's important that that is addressed equally if not more so than just simply leaving the narcissist i tell my clients all the time if you don't get truly healed from narcissistic abuse and if you're not willing to sit with the pain and go through the difficult times you're going to continue to attract the same spirit in a different body in other
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words you're going to date the same person with a different face you are going to have the same type of friends no matter where you move to or you're going to end up working with the same type of people no matter what job you take and so it's really important that this very difficult part of the process is not forced to kind of speed it up because it's uncomfortable but rather we get comfortable in that period of uncomfortableness what i mean by this is again
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your your thoughts random things will be coming up into your mind and again some of these things could be from the past that you never even thought about it could be things that you didn't even know were um were traumatic or injuries done to you but somehow they're coming up during this time and it's important that you recognize hey this thing is coming up i wonder why and just allow yourself to process the pain or the um the emotions or even like the
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if something never had a resolution right the fact that that thing never had an ending it's important that you allow yourself to feel those things because that is how you ultimately get closure closure is not given to you on the outside it's something that you give to yourself and for me um if you don't know my story you can go check it out on my youtube channel i actually started doing this because i was also a victim of narcissistic abuse and i wanted to be
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for others what i wished i would have had during my recovery process so for me i personally i recognized that it was the first time maybe even in my life that i actually allowed myself to acknowledge the stress and the trauma in the um and the constant chaos that i was living in uh for the first time right when i just
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decided that i would give my body i would give my spirit and my soul whatever it needed in order to heal and so when i would sit quietly um you know all of these things would be coming up inside of me all of these thoughts and all of these past emotions and experiences but it was the first time that i had actually felt those things yes i was present during those moments but i was not really connected with
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myself during during the things while they were happening and so for the first time in my life i was living my life right life is not meant to be always happy your life is meant to have the full range of experiences and emotions and even the painful emotions it's important that we experience those it's important that we allow them to be processed through us otherwise we set ourselves up again with unrealistic
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expectations that life is always going to be amazing it's always going to be happy and when we say that to ourselves and then that doesn't come it's quite easy for us to get into a feeling of uh defeatism right like this is this is not what i signed up for and we were not able to cope with uh the stresses of life and the the ups and downs of life the changes that life brings so it's very important that we understand these feelings although uncomfortable are also part of my life
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and i honor them for being part of my life that isn't to say that these experiences are um are necessary or that they they needed to happen they certainly didn't nobody deserves to be the victim of abuse in any type of way but there is still something that you can learn through even the worst of times the most traumatic experiences that you go through and so during this time when you're just now coming to the realization that hey
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maybe you didn't actually know the person you were married married to or that you um you're just coming now to the realization that your brother your sister your sibling never actually wanted a relationship with you it was always about what you could do for them when you come to these realizations that they can be very difficult right these shrews that that we find ourselves facing can be very hard but it's important to recognize that that there needs to be a boundary between who they are and the decisions
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that they make and who you are and the decisions that you make just because somebody made a choice that was harmful to you doesn't mean that that assigns that decision assigns your worth or your value it certainly does not only you decide that only you determine what your value and your worth is really quickly i want to talk about something else too that helped me through the process of recovery in my own life and this is something that i uh share a lot with my clients um who i want help
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walk through this process the person that you were when you were with the narcissist when you were growing up with the narcissist when you were working for working with the narcissist that that person deserves your honor that past version of yourself deserves to be acknowledged you needed to develop certain skills that allowed you to survive that experience that allowed you to
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cope with what was happening to you and especially when there are situations of extreme gaslighting as part of the narcissistic abuse it's important that you recognize that your body did for you you know your mind did for you what was needed in that time and we honor that past version of ourselves we honor the person who we were who got us through to survival mode the person that you are now however is
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not in survival mode the person that you are now needs to be one of of a nurturer somebody who's going to allow yourself to heal so that version of yourself needs to come forward and it's okay to let the past version of you die in fact you need to let that past version of you die the one who made excuses for the narcissist behavior the one who made excuses for uh for why things were the way that they were or the one who
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put on a good show in public or the one who uh tried to convince everybody that everything was fine you need to understand that you don't need to do that anymore and while we honor the the coping skills that we developed during that period of time it doesn't serve us to continue with that same mindset so let that version of yourself go that version of yourself can't be the healer right because that version of yourself is going to continue to try to mask
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symptoms or or situations that are actual reality you don't want to live a lie anymore so it's time for you to come forward as the nurturer as the healer as you walk out this continuous healing process as you walk this all out different versions of you are going are ready to come forward you know the planner the dreamer right the parts of you that you uh let go because because you were in
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survival mode you didn't have time to dream you didn't have time to plan you didn't have time to think about how you wanted certain aspects of your life to be arranged you didn't have time for that but now you do and it's really important that as these new versions of you start to make appearances that you also honor those parts of you the past version of you that survived that made those coping skills for you to get to where you are wants you to move forward
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that part that past version of you does not want you to continue living the same day the rest of your life it wants you to move forward and and have all of the things that you ever dreamed about and so it's important that you take you take your experiences and you um honor the past things that you have gone through and start using those experiences in such a way that it's applicable to your life this is actually how you develop wisdom wisdom comes from
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having knowledge having experiences and then also being able to take those things and actively apply it to a situation so as you move forward allow those other versions of you to come forth and understand that this is what life is all about it's no different than the caterpillar turning into a butterfly the butterfly doesn't think it's sad that the caterpillar isn't around anymore the butterfly knows that the caterpillar part was just for a time being but that
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that part gave way to who the butterfly is actually supposed to be so don't apologize for your growth don't apologize for who you're becoming just because your evolution may not fit into other people's timetables or other people's agendas that doesn't mean that it's wrong a lot of people struggle with self-doubt with with trusting themselves and things of that nature as they move forward and just like the butterfly
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it can't miss it right the caterpillar is is made to know when it's time to make the cocoon so it can become a butterfly and the same is true for us as humans when we know it's the right time it's the right time you're not going to miss your your old life you're not going to miss that old stuff so while it's difficult embrace the fact that you are alive that you are able to not only feel emotions but have the analytical ability to look back at those
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situations and find ways that they will be applied as wisdom to the future i always say on my channel that your past is redeemed in your future if you want to make up for the lost time of your past go through this process be dedicated to the process your past time is redeemed in your future what you do in your future will make up for the time that you think you've lost in the past the truth is that it was all part of a plan to help that serve you moving
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forward and what the world needs right now is people who are not stuck at living this life that they're actually free from right we can be away from the narcissist physically but still emotionally and mentally wrapped up in their energy and what i'm talking about is doing the work necessary for yourself so that you are able to move not just physically away from the narcissist but be able to create your own energy to be able to live off of your own thoughts and not need validation from an outside source
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that you are able to walk out your identity to the fullest and so i hope that this video has helped you get an idea of what it feels like during the early stages of narcissistic abuse recovery it isn't easy you might feel very lonely but ultimately it's doing the work that needs to get done you know this is equivalent to the cocoon time of the of the caterpillar turning into a butterfly it's part of the process lots of people
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don't talk about the cocoon time but without it you wouldn't get a butterfly and so i hope this video really does bring to light the necessary aspect of feeling the pain of allowing yourself to process things that maybe you never were able to address in your past or you maybe never even admitted to yourself before that those things really did hurt you or had an impact on you at this moment in your life it's important that you take time to do that because if you try to rush
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the process you're not turning into a butterfly it takes a certain amount of time for this to come for it to come to fruition so i hope this video has helped you again and if you want to see any more videos about narcissistic abuse recovery head on over to my youtube channel check out my websites and you can also join my private facebook group if you're looking for a community who can help support you during this time of transition you

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