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MOSFILM "VREMYA" ARTISTIC ASSOCIATION Written by V. TOKAREVA, G. DANELIA Directed by A. SERY Director of Photography G. KUPRIYANOV Production Designer B. NEMECHEK Music by G. GLADKOV Sound by V. KOSTELTSEV Starring: YEVGENY LEONOV GEORGY VITSIN SAVELY KRAMAROV RADNER MURATOV ERAST GARIN NATALYA FATEYEVA P. SHPRINGFELD, O. SOKOLOVA A.PAPANOV, O.VIDOV, N.OLYALIN GENTLEMEN OF LUCK AN UNLYRICAL COMEDY Archeological Expedition 13. 2 kilometers.
- Hey, that's it! - I'll bet there're snakes around here. - Snakes? What kind of snakes? Cobras! - Hey, get this camel down. - Down! Hey, come on, down! Come on! Lie down, oh, boy, come on! Hey! Hey, Lawyer! - He won't lie down! - Look, I'll clobber you! Hear that? We'll clobber you! If you won't lie down we'll cllober you! Well? - Where is it? - Rlght down there, in that yellow tent. Okey-doke! As soon as it's dark we move! Ministry of the Interior. How much does the helmet weigh? Five kilograms, 243 grams, and it's pure gold. Yes... A rather heavy hat. Now look, comrade Colonel, it's more than just a hat... It's a rarity, seems it's archeologically and historically unique. Everything bears out our theory that this so a gold helmet is indeed the very same which the Emperor Alexander the Great of Macedonia have lost when he's waiting to set out to subdue India. Ask Slavin to come in. You should guard your precious treasures, professor Maltsev. - We had someone to guard it! - No doubt!..
Then it's for a thief the thing like this isn't an an archeological treasure, but just 5 kilograms of gold. He can take it apart, melt it down, he might even sell it abroad. As a matter of fact, the identities of the three culprits have been established, they're all old offenders. Yermakov... Sheremetyev... Biely, their chief. - May I? - Go ahead. He's a very dangerous criminal. What a repulsive-Iooking individual! Mama, I'm gonna be late! Coming, son. Here you are. Eat, darling. Mmm... - Good morning, Yevgeny Ivanovich! - Good morning, Masha! How's my son doing? Is he behaving? - Just fine! - Be strict to his spoileder now. - Morning. - Morning. How are you? Commuter's pass. I have my ticket. Kindergarten No. 83 - Oh, good morning, Yelena! - Good morning. They don't eat. - Good morning. - Good morning! Your attention, comrades, just for a minute! - Today, you are not going to eat your lunch here but somewhere else. - Hurray!
We're going on a trip in an interplanetary rocket to Mars. I appoint as commander. Let's see... Igoryok... - Igoryok is commander of the flight. - Hurray! Now take your cosmic spoons and interplanetary forks, and finish everything on your plates. Seems the rocket isn't undo back on Earth until suppertime. You're a genius! - Yevgeny Ivanovich, can we see you for a minute? - I'm busy now, sorry. But this comrade insists. Ah! I've caught you at last! - To the Lawyer! - Yep. We're setting party. Now we can operate. We've got roubles in our pockets! And I'll get a snazzy set freshmade for myself, brand-new gas, buggy and zip down to Yalta! There's the third one. Now we can nab all three! - What are you doing with the helmet? - Where did you hide this one? - I just went fishing. - Where do you were doing down the lake? There got hole in the ice. Got some fish for supper. - Crosseyes, you can swim catching? - Me? Swim? - Can you dive? Say, this is winter, haven't you heard? Our deal didn't include swimming. - You know, they've got us staked out. - What do you mean? I feel it... I got radar antennas. It's time for us to split up.
- Good evening, gentlemen! - We've had it. End of the line! This is where we get off, boys! Who's afraid of the big bad wolf, big bad wolf, big bad wolf? Where're you running, stupid wolf, old wolf, big bad wolf? Who's afraid of the big bad wolf, big bad wolf, big bad wolf? Where're you running, stupid wolf, old wolf, big bad wolf? All right! A big hand, comrades! Here comes the cruel, nasty wolf. I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down! Grrr... Thank you very much, Igoryok. Well, that wasn't bad. Only, you know, Igoryok, you really didn't scare us. Now hears are you should do it. I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down! Grrr... Yevgeny Ivanovich, it's that man again, the abnormal one. - Good afternoon, Comrade Troshkin. - Welcome. - Sit down. - We've managed to capture the thieves. - Congratulations. It's a little too early. The helmet was missing. They're all over head it. I've searched everywhere. Naturaly they won't talk I couldn't find over blessing thing.
Now we have a little idea... - And I promised that I will speak to you about it. - Alright, I'm listening. - Here's a plan, first we propose to put a wig on you... - Yeah. And then we're going to tattoo you... and we'll throw you in a prison. What's that? Are you crazy? It's a great idea! I'll bet that our own mother couldn't tell which of you is which. - I don't see what you mean. - Oh, dear, dear, Lord above, bless me! The trial has been held, two of them got 4 years. Nothing, a holiday you might say. And this one noone home you example so closely was given eight years. The other two are doing their time out to in Central Asia. - And this one, the chief, near Moscow. Now do you understand? - No. Oh, Lord above, bless me! You'll be put in jail along with the other two, and they will take you for this one, oh, that you see. That way you'll be able to learn from them where the helmet is. - Now do you understand? - Oh, not really, I'm rather not. - But why not? - It's madness. And what'll I tell my mother and what'll I tell... Just say that you have to leave to attend a seminar of kindergarten teachers.
No, I don't want to. I've blood support to do. The Christmas tree, the children. And besides... it isn't ethical. Ethical, or unethical! Oh, we're the only ones who pay attention to affects. We are taking men standing bells... for pure answers The Turks has the right idea back in the times of Tamerlane. You put the thug in a vat that is filled with excrement, so his innit up tp his neck and you ride him through town. Over him stands an executioner with a saber in his hand, and every two minutes he goes 'swish' with his bloody saber right over the vat! So if the thief doesn't dive, no more head. What do you think of that? All day long dive in the muck or lose your head! That was in Turkey. In Tamerlane's time. - To run away? - Crash out, split, fade. Very good. - To talk gibberish? - Slip your trolley. - What's good? - Okey-doke. - What's a barroom? - A grog mill. - An easy burglary? - A hop stop. - An untrustworthy man? - Wrong number. Pillar of the community? I forgot... Wait...
A mossback. A scoutmaster or a mossback. Wig, alright? - Sure I come off? - That's right. Oh, go on, pull harder. It's a special glue. He can even the shower. That's good. - Good resemblance? - Yes, but he's a kind man, the other is nasty. - Here's your home. How do you like it? - Cozy. Which bunk will we get? Your sack. - You've got to take the best spot. - And where is that? Yevgeny Ivanovich, don't you remember that? By the window, over here. But someone's things are there. Throw them on the floor. And when he comes back, you tell him to split, fade, get lost... - Remember? - Very well. That's it. Soon they'll be returning from work. And don't forget, you got to make it clear to the others that you've partly lost your memory. If anybody tries to beat you up, knock on the door. All great. I mean, okey-doke. ['To the freedom with a clear consciense!'] Hey you! What is this? Why'd you throw away my things? You... shut up... I'm gonna show you! Alright, go on! Look... Look now... Be a good boy, will you?
Hey, hey, it's a Lawyer! How you doing, fellow? Welcome home! - And you split, get lost! - Get lost, that's right! He'd better get lost and quick at the wise or I'm gonna clobber him, whap him, gouge his blinkers out! For the rest of his life he'll have to pay me for the bandages! There's the dirty eyes! The knucklehead! The fungus face! Buzz off, boy, or I'll bash your face in! Well, why didn't you say so? Greetings, pen pals! Well, I'll be a three-eyed owl! - How you doing? - Good old Raspy! Hi there, Lawyer! Listen, fatso! I've got a better spot for your bunk, next to the slop-bucket! - Who is he? - Nicky of Minsk. Listen, for less than that, a lot less, much less, I've strangled and torn guys apart! Don't get sore, pal. Don't get sore. - I'll gouge your blinkers out! - Guard, help! This guy wants to blind me! Help! Nothing serious. Hey, Crosseyes! - Quiet! - Huh?
- Where'd you ditch the helmet, huh? You cockroach! - What? Mmm... - You had the helmet, pal! - Oh yeah? Then what did I do with it? - How should I know? - You're gonna be sorry! - What for? - I'll clobber you! Hey, cool it, Lawyer! You dragged the helmet around, mind him? You know, you always kept the helmet in a sack. You came and went with it in every place. And in the day they put their arms on it wasn't in the sack. Oh, how come now you try to pin it on me? When anything goes wrong, just blame it on old Crosseyes, huh. - What is this? Don't you remember what happened? - I don't remember a thing. Blood out dropped off that baggage rack on the train. Got bumped on the noggin. Now... nothing. - You know you are! - I'll never get out if I lie! In between getting the helmet and my trial, everything is well like cut off. That's wash crap! One second you remember, the next you don't remember! Believe it or not, I got sloshed one night. When I woke up at the station, I remembered nothing. - That can happen! - Tell me what we did at the night we get to Moscow. Remember? - Neh.
- First we we holed up in somebody's chickencoop? - All right, what then? - We got smashed. - Hang up with you, joker! Then a gink came up to see you, you had a big chinfest with him in the backyard. - A gink. What gink? - You said he worked in a theatre, some cloakroom... He was... in charge of a cloakroom... - I don't remember. Then what happened? - We went to drop the loot on a fence. - Where? - On the boulevard. - What boulevard? What was it called? - You know, the main drag with all the cars. I couldn't tell you the address now. I'd recognize the place though. Say, could you guys please knock it off. This is getting to be a real drag: remember, don't remember. Let's get some shut eye. Flight 407 from Moscow... Flight 407 from Moscow has just landed. Passengers will be arriving at cape #2 - Where are you going? - I'm going to prison. No! I'm a kindergarten principal, I can't run around the Soviet Union with a couple of wrong numbers. Well, I was summoned by the colonel, and here's what he said: just in case those two are not Muscovites and don't know the names of the streets, they can point them out to you on the spot!
So they can escape organized a false break, and they will take us to that helmet. That is, naturally, if you can manage to convince Comrade Troshkin to do it. - No, comrade! - No... I take a plane, have to dropping all the things I have to do, I take a taxi, and come all the way out here, and he doesn't want to do it! - That's right, I don't want to. - Huh? I've got a hundred children each year, and all their have mamas, papas, granddads, grandmothers. And all our these people have known me all these years! And how you rescue me to show myself in Moscow looking like this, with thieves as companions? Oh... Speaking about mamas... Early this morning I dropped by your home and I told your mother that the seminar would last at least 2 weeks longer. At ten o'clock in the dot at the cement plant. The driver's our man. - You got the clothes? And some cash? - It's all ready. In a haystack. I've seen it, I know. We'll be caught. It's a plant and you're a sucker. Alright, after two of you! Anyway, I'll be there and I'm gonna take your cut. Yeah... - Not exactly comfortable. - Oh, it's not a long ride. It'll make it.
Repeat your orders! Park by the cement mixing yards by setting normal spotman. When the three men sneak into my tank truck, I drive, without loading cement into it, out to Alibakan. At the crossroads, near the restaurant, par and going for a drink till the three men climb out. - Perfect. Go ahead! - Right! [Remember that, tell to another that honest work is a way to your mother!] Alright, let's go! - Where are you going? - To the cement yard! - Where is it? - There! - Where, man? - Have a look! Oh, no, the engine parts are there, you've got it all wrong. - Are you crazy? - The cement is that way! - You're out of your mind. I precisely saw them load cement there. Have a look! Move out! Come on! We did it! - Why's he stopped? - Maybe a police check? Go ahead! That's it. It's full up. And you said that we'd be riding an empty tank! - What slime! - Like in Turkey. Come on! Come on! Move it! Hey! Wait for me! Don't you think you're going to look back too far that could be, there?
- You may you think they crawled out through that little pipe? - Alright, you tell me where they are! - Hey, Lawyer, there's no hay here. - You're telling me, huh! You sure it isn't your memory again playing tricks? - Maybe it's somewhere else, not in a haystack? - I'll clobber you! Say, this is high grade cement. You can't wash the stuff off. - Alright, why did you break out? - Everybody's breaking up, so I broke up. He'll ruin everything, lightning strike me dead! You better tell him, Raspy, that taking him along wasn't part of our deal. Tell him yourself. Get out of here! Did you hear what I said? Come on! Get out! Crosseyes, you're an untrustworthy man. You're just mean. He's bound to sell out. You hear, Lawyer? He'll squeal right away. You're right, we'd better keep him with us. - Crosseyes, stop him! - Hey, yelly! Come on back. How long were you in for? I got a year. And now you're gonna get three more years. For breaking out. Article 188 STOP Hey, Lawyer! Look at that! Alright, what do we do?
- We'll go dressed like this. - This? - They'll pick us up. - We go dressed like this! We're on a track team and we're training. Come on! Clear the track, grandpa! Thanks. May wait for the track team. See you at the Olympic games! Yes, what can I do for you? Just a second. - Slavin sends greetings. - But who's Slavin? - Vladimir Slavin. - I don't know him. What can I do for you? - They made a reservation for us. - How many are you? Three... That is a, four... There's one too many. We'll manage somehow. May I see your papers? Heaven got them. The coach will bring them tonight. - What club are you running for, guys? - Reserves of Labour. - The 'Dynamo' ended? - Everybody's ended! - Hey, what are you doing? We have the keys! - Slow, I'm sorry. What about groceries? Yes, I'm starved. It's chowtime at that camp. Macaroni... Take it easy. We'll be stay put, see. I'll be right back. Comrade, would you be so kind as to lend me a pair of pants?
You know, just for a minute. Our clothes are on the way, but I've got to go out tp phone... You play chess? You wanna game? When I come back. Police at cord. - Lieutenant Slavin? - No one by that name here. - I don't understand? - We don't having anyone by that name here. - This is the Lawyer! - Congratulations. - Wait a second, didn't anyone tell you I'd call? - What about? - Hey, sonny! - What? - What town is this? - Novokassimsk. - And Alibakan? - It's a long way. 20 kilometers. - Sit down. - Thank you, I'd rather stand. Here's what happened, you see. That is I'm from Moscow. I'm principal of Kindergarten #83. - I see. - There're four of us. - All of you principals? - In a way... - Tell me your problem. What you see, we came by tank truck in a load of cement was pouring. It dried our clothes became useless. Well, I'm very sorry... You're my only hope, dear colleague. Could I borrow 19 rubles and 40 kopecks for a couple days? - Will that be enough for four? - I figured out and it comes to just that. Come along. This'll be the game room, you see? - And this... - That's nice.
This is gonna be our gym. - Plan sounds good. - It's splendid. If you and the others will move the radiators out of this room. You can take them out that way. There's another door there. Stack them under the stairs. And I'll pay you... twenty rubles. All right? All right. Only if you don't mind ibecause my colleagues would rather work at night. It'd be better if you could put the twenty rubles... let's say now, in this table here, and if you could maybe padlock the door. When the room will cleaned up, where the far door will be clear, we'll simply come in here and take our twenty roubles out. You urgently troubled, dear colleague, it will be a solid padlock. Check! - Move your knight! Move your knight, you idiot! - Shut up! Mate! And this goes over here. Thank you very much. Are you through? No, I'm not through. - I bet you my razor for my coat and my pants. - Just the coat. Alright? Here we go. I move here.
- Your knight! - Hang up with you! Knight and queen six... We move there. - That's your move? - Sure that's our move. Checkmate! Give me back my jacket. What's hitting you? You slip your trolley? My ears! You're patching my ears! Com...! Comrades! Comrades! Are you out of your minds? Break it up! - Take that coat off and give it right back, see! - Try to spin it on this! That'll teach you! Take it off, I said! Disgraceful! Disgraceful, comrade! On your feet! Now get this, if you don't wanna go back to where you were, if you wanna find the helmet in paddlish, from now all of you better quit all your monkey shines! No drinking! No gambling! And no stealing... without me! And no more swearing, no more nicknames! From now one we talk to each other by use our names! Even noone's around! - Your real name? - Ivan Petrovich. - Yours? - Viktor Alexandrovich. - Yours? - Ali Baba. - Didn't you hear me? I said no nicknames!
- But it's my... real name! Vassily Alibabayevich, Vassia. - That's better. The thief #41. My name is Yevgeny... I mean... Alexander Alexanderovich. Got that? - Answer me! I said you got that? - I got you. Sit down! Tonight, after dark, we'll go blast. - Is he coming too? - Everybody's coming. This guy's a wrong number. He'll sing if things get hot. First blast we'll do, he'll crack. Come here... Come on, come on, Viktor. Sit down, take this pen, now write this down: Wrong number - dash - untrustworthy man. To sing, to squeal on - dash - to betray. Things get hot - work has become dangerous. Paragraph. A blast - dash - a dangerous job. - You've got that? - Yeah. And now would you please tell Vassia what you said before, only this time the way honest citizens speak. Go on. This untrustworthy man will betray us if our work becomes dangerous. Seventy one... - Forty-six. - What? Thirty-two!
What is this? Filthy little louse! Alexander Alexanderovich! He call me a name and use bad language, yeah-yeah! Alright, no more arguments! Quiet, Lawyer! That Vassily Alibabayevich... That untrustworthy man... dropped the load on my toes, the bastard! It's here! Evils of Drink - Perhaps they've killed him? - My dear professor! A man left the hotel at 8:30 on the dark part his track team to the stadium one of the town. When 9:00 he went to department store and bought four sweat shirts. At 9:20 our collaborator approached him. At the moment they're moving at somewhat reduced speed in this direction. Yevgeny Ivanovich, dear old friend! I was so afraid that you were dead. I still did catch up on a little sleep. - Mind if I cop a nod, Ivan Petrovich? - No! There's nobody else on this stadium, you will stand out like three sore thumbs in the bleachers, and you wanna wallow in the sun like a sleepy dog. What are you spitting for, Vassia? To think I robbed children. I'm worse than a jackal or hyena!
I stole the kindergarten money! You're getting civilized as hell! On your old job you did worse than that, spiking gasoline with camel piss. Huh, in the gouverment you can spot. That was just gas... This was children. - Where are you off to? - To prison. - No, don't do that! - Let him go ahead. Figure it out, he already had one year, escape is three, five for the kindergarten. Go ahead, Vassia. Now read! Here you are. Sign for it. There's cash for four, for housing and meals... - Now clothing. - Right. - It's for you, comrade. - Oh, thank you. Yes, but why for four? Why is this fellow Vassily Alibabaevich have to tag along? Because. You see, if we arrested him, it would give the other two cause for suspicion. - Oh, great. - Now last but not least #8 Horse Lane will be your address in Moscow. - The apartment? - You'll pick the one you want. The block's going to be torn down. Tenants rehoused. - But then it isn't heated! - There's no heat... - And no electricity. - Well, well. Then wouldn't it be better if they can stay
at my country house? I have a country house not far from Moscow. It's very kind of you. Only in neutral territory I can feel a lot safer. - Say, that's true that if they try to escape they means 3 extra years? - That's right. Well, I... That law must not be applied to my companions. Don't worry about it. Abakan - Moscow One, two, three, kick. One, two, three and four. He's really laying it on! I guess he really bumped his noggin hard. Hey there, Lawyer! What do you think you're doing? Those are some cop clodhoppers you bought! I got 'em from a ragman. Not in a department store. There's a taxi. Go after it. - Hey, buddy, are you free? Say, are you free? - Sure I'm free. - Hey! Here? There're trees here, it's a boulevard, over there there's a gray house. Now look, fella! You hard of hearing or what? Didn't we tell you it was this kind of a tree? A fir tree then? What do you mean, fir tree? Didn't we say it was this way? You've got to explain it better to up!
It's costing for us eight rubles is this now. - Was there a pond? - No pond. Just puddles. Is it a monument there? - There was a monument! - Whose monument was it? How should I know? Some gink or ever... - With a beard? - No. - Did he have sideburns? - I don't remember that. - He wore a jacket! - Was he seated? - What? - Was he sitting down? - Who? - The gink you were talking about. What a yokel! How could he do that? How could the poor guy sit down? An iron monument like that? Where to now? Home I guess. Why don't you buy a map? Knucklehead! Here are some concert tickets. Follow up your lead on the cloakroom. Hey, I found it, there it is! I found it! The fellow with the jacket, there it is! And over there is the tree! Hello there, don't you recognize me, little girl? No, I don't. Now listen, Lawyer! I told you I was going to go legit. - Didn't I? - You did. - I told you you'd better not come back, didn't I? Didn't I? - You might have...
- I told you If you did I'll throw you out? Didn't I? - Did you? I sure did. So don't take it too hard. - What's what you got there? - I need it. Wipe your feet, please. Please, close the door. Hey, this is a groove. You like it? [WELCUM] Chow down, fellas, sit down and help yourselves. You're a good man, Alibabaevich. Good old spuds, eh? A pretty good baked them in the ashes, if you camping too. When I was a kid we went camping with to do that. We start a nice fire opened, burn them in the ashes. Yes, when I was at the front I had a cutties experience. I've been setting after Kursk with my units... You at the front? Hang up, will you? Gotta looks like since you've got bounced down that house your memory's been all gone. Right? Yeah, I guess you're right. Oh fir tree green... Oh fir tree green... Thy leaves are green forever. They all are green in summer's prime, They all are green in winter time.
Oh fir tree green... Oh fir tree green... Thy leaves are green forever. Alexander Alexanderovich, let me have a little money, will you? Our kerosene burner be useful. Our coal burner is no good. Might set a fire to this place. Yeah, you can have some cash. It's gone! It's here, my pocket. What, gone? - Might I've dropped it. - Nah, the hack driver pinched it. Sure! There was something about him I couldn't take from the start. Yeah, he looks like we all look like wrong number. - But now what do we do? - Gotta pull a little job, Lawyer. Oh, shut up! Listen, Lawyer, I'm gonna take a look around the market with Raspy. No! All of us will go! Hey, you over there, you can't go that way. Go this way. Otherwise you might get hit by the snow. We're shoveling snow off the roof. Just a minute! Don't go that way! Go this way! Otherwise you might get hit by some snow! Come on. - Good afternoon. - Huh... - Could you tell me that... - Splendid weather, isn't it, my boy? - Yes, it's nice out. - Go ahead. Goodbye. - Goodbye. - Go on.
The best weapon of the thief is courtesy. You take the fourth floor, and you the sixth. Go on! Why you sigh like that? - A jackal, that's what I am, a thieving no good, that's right. - What are you stealing? Today I'm the lookout when the others do the job. They've done the job! And I'm going. Hey you, stop! Come back here! Stop! Follow me, children, and hurry! - Good afternoon, Yevgeny Ivanovich! - Good afternoon, children. - Halt! - Excuse me. Yevgeny Ivanovich! Where are you going? Just like a ballet! The white swan! - You've seen ballets? - I give ear. Back in 1953 with my wife we were on vacation, vacation in Moscow. She dragged me to the ballet day and night - Where's your wife now? You know? - Got no wife. She's passed on? I've passed on. - We have to lie low, Lawyer. - Why?
The janitor girl is known about us. We'd better show up seldom in the street, we'll be snagged. I'd like to buy ladies' shoes. Three pairs. Size eleven, size thirteen and size fourteen. Nice legs. Say, what time is it, sweetheart? - Ten past six. - Sweetheart! What's your name? I bet it pretty. - Tanya. - My name's Viktor. Oh, silly goose! That's him! That's the man who came to see you. Do you want opera glasses? They'll grab us for sure up. Better run for us! Wait for me in the john. This way. Nadyusha, I have to see someone. Here's your number. Do you know me? Now what do you say? Tomorrow. Square in front of the Bolshoi Theatre. Five o'clock. I'm sorry, I... Men - Excuse me, ladies, but hasn't there a some mistake? - Come on in! - What are you staring at? - Excuse me. What's wrong with that guy? We're gonna get snagged here. I know we should've gone to the jane.
Here comes another one. Let's split! The cash! It's under a board, a floorboard, where I hid it! That's why the cash was lost, huh! He's dashing... You wrong number! - Who are you calling a wrong number? - I'll tear you apart! Stop it! Break it up! Alright, break it up! It has been known all along, There's no fun without a song. And even if it's raining today, We should remember, I and you, There's no reason to feel blue, Tomorrow'll be better than yesterday. Wake up and sing! Wake up and sing! And just keep smiling, For once in your life, darling! Wait for me right here. However capricious may be luck, it chooses those who don't duck An opportunity to laugh at one's own wrong. Sing going to bed, sing in your sleep, sing in the morn! Professor Maltsev, please. ...AII that is gone Cannot return. It's one-way street, no going back, And if you're now off the track, Tomorrow you'll get back in the saddle. Wake up and sing, wake up and sing, And just keep smiling,
For once in your life, keep smiling! - Vik! It's you? - Mishka! How are you, Mishka? Vik! I can hardly believe it's really you! - It's not really him. - Hey, get outta here! Hey, will loving, what are you doing? Well, I'm in the roll-bearing plan, an engineer's job, and you? Oh, I heard that. I... He's a thief! - That's not funny, granny. - No, it's not funny. - Come on. - Where are we going? Out to the country. I've just made a connection with the drop. Understand? - Who is he? - Orphan Viktor. I've known him every since we were birth. - Don't be like that I had to. - Listen here, Lawyer. I know you're the headman around here. But why did you night in front of Mishka? Now he's not like us. To not the same breed. He was so happy to see me... And you called me a thief. - What'll he think about me after now? - You're in for a surprise. - He will envy you! - Envy me? Then how he will! Now engineer, a little mossback.
How does he live anyway? Goes to plant mornings, comes home at night... To his ball and children, sniveling brats. So now and then he goes to a show, in the summer he goes to Yalta on vacation. A scoutmaster! And you? Who are you? A gentleman of luck, outlaw, robber, you really live. Steal, drink, crash out a jail. It's much more romantic! May you not think? That guy envies you! One, two, one, two, one, two, three, four. One, two, one, two, one, two, three, four. Lift your knees higher! No cheating! Fall in right here. March out! That's it. That's enough. One, two, squat up and down. One, two, kick. Feet higher, don't bend your knees! Squat! Up! Good! And now we proceed with special ablutions! - That's good! - Hey, Lawyer, I have a cold this morning. - I'm gonna clobber you! - That's all you can say, huh? Snowflakes white and fluffy make a magic sight, Snowdrifts have grown all over outside.
Thank you very much. And one more thing, Yelena, don't tell anyone that you met me in Moscow for me please for the time being. Why was I made up the way once? Oh, say, well, a contest for the best of the best bogeyman. I'm sorry... I have to take up! Yeah! You can come and get it! You forgot easy, don't you? I said hands off the stuff in here. You'll wreck down the piano. You know what he pinced some lipstick any. He drew a naked woman on the mirror. - Hey! - Well, are you gonna come and get it, or not? Ah! Good old spuds! - Your hands! - My hands? Let's see your hands! Go and wash! A man can't even eat! - Go and wash! - Give a street... Alexander Alexanderovich! Let me have some coins, will you? The gas range doesn't work and I'm gonna eat... I'm gonna buy a butane burner. Listen once upper all! You don't fiddle with anything! You don't light any fires! You'll wash everybody's clothes, and you take... ...this book and you learn some French, understand? You'll study from here to here. You will have an oral test.
If you don't do your lesson, I'm gonna gouge your blinkers out, I'll bunk you one, and, how does it go? I'll clobber you! Got that? - What's the use of learning French? - We're gonna do the job at the French embassy! - How do you say 'house'? - 'Un maison' - Oui. 'A stool' - 'Un tabouret' Qui. What's 'a girl'? - 'A tamade' - Oh, no, in French, En francais! - Well? 'Fee'! - O, qui, qui - fee! Qui, qui - a broad. Hello there! So you're home! No, we're not. The owner lives in Moscow. Yes, I know. I own this house. This is Vassia. He's our adviser in scientific research. - Pleased to meet you. - Hello. What housekeepers! Doing all your laundry? - I can't make my husband do a thing, nobody can bath him. - The Lawyer bath your husband. Come on, have some tea. I've brought you some pastry. She's the landlord's daughter, the fence's! Only she thinks that her papa is an archeologist. It's the building of goods and wrong man soldier were scientists. Keep up story's tree.
So I phoned papa to find out who is in our home. And he said that there were some colleagues of it, archeologists from Tomsk. So I hurried right down, because last year, when we were in Tomsk, your professor Zelentsov gave us a royal welcome. Isn't the professor with you? No! We only brought Lawyer. - What's your name? - Ludmila. My name is Vik. - And what are you working on now? - Well... digging things up. My! How interesting! In the bounce of the earth you find treasures lost for centuries... How I envy you! You think you can use me, maybe you could take me along on your next expedition, though I have no predicular training. - I did hear lady goes cook or whatever... - You never know what bag you're getting to. A friend of mine, for example, he went to school to study mathematics, but he really could do is draw. His banknote drawings are so good, they look just like real ones. - Well, is he the man? - I still can't say for sure. I'll have to get a closer look. - Have you a light by any chance? - I don't smoke.
- Well? - No, it's not him. - So he's a dick. - You're right. We've checked: there's no helmet at any of the addresses pointed up by the Lawyer's accomplices. There's one more lead to be checked: the cloakroom man at the concert hall. Now we haven't been able to check it yet, because he didn't come to the appointed meeting place. He might have got suspicions. He didn't go back home, meeting after concert hall. - We better find him. - What do I do now? You go home. We apologize and thank you. You may washed up, may take the wig off, wash off the tattoos, your job's done. I wish you a happy new year. We are very grateful. - And the boys? - Your doing helpers will be sent back to researchment along. I'm sorry. I don't understand you but meaning is the cloakroom man appears. I would tell you but prefer not to. Today Biely escaped from jail, very close to Moscow, is the Lawyer. - He broke out? - Yes, he did, it's a fact. And it would be too dangerous to impersonate this man now. Tomorrow, then? It's New Year's Eve today, it's a holiday. They've been trying so hard. We probably just the safeful they are. He'll never find us there.
Well, all right. Only stay in the house. Oh yes, your message was forwarded to Sheremetyev's wife. Here's her reply addressed to her husband. Alright then. Do you promise you'll come for dinner at our home New Year's day? Sure, we will! It's sad! It's so sad. Such a nice girl! And yet her father is a speculator. What's all the noise about? Who tell you to leave the house? Here he is again... The untrustworthy fellow. Happy New Year! Vassia... Ivan Petrovich... Viktor. Comrades! A brand new year is beginning, and I hope this brand new year will be good for you! And everything will be brand new for you! We can't tell what's in the cards, but I want you to know that wherever you are, wherever I am, I will always remember you, men. And I will find you, all easy. And now... Just a minute... I'll be right back.
- Where's he going? - The devil only knows... You never tell with him. Got all of his wondering. I know what he meant. He'll find us, and he'd bleed us, too. - You'll bleed us to death? - And how? Look what he did of Mishka and a Pockface! Took his razor and 'swish'! - Curtains! - Nothing but a wild beast, a hyena! Knock, knock... Who's there? Santa Claus! And he's brought you some presents. - Vik, come here. - What did I do now? Come here I said. This is for you. Something to wear home. What good is it to me? I've got no home now. You will. Everything will come in time. They'll be useful in prison to wear it. Anything for a laugh. A club. - For you, Vassia. - Thanks. - Ivan Petrovich, this is for you. Thanks very much. Hey, it's virgin wool! And this too, it's for you. To us. Drink up. Arrgh! Like acid! - A drag not having vodka! - Do you have to get drunk like swine? - What else is there to do? - Tell people the dreams you have. Man sometimes to him.
You sound like a headshrinker in a courtroom, Lawyer. We can play indoor games, if you want. Games? Where you find a sucker to play with you? You play with a stacked deck, I know. But you have to gamble? There's all interesting. There're many possibilities. I know an interesting game, it's called 'cities'. You see I start, I say 'Tula', then you pick one that begins with 'A', Astrakhan. Then you think 'N', Novgorod. Then you think 'D'. So you begin, Viktor. - Why should I? - Go on, pick a city that starts with a 'D'. - Vorkuta. - Why Vorkuta? - I did the time there. - We'll start over. - A city starting with 'A'. - Dzhambul. - Dzhambul? Why Dzhambul? - Because the weather's warm there. There's my home and my old mama. Now right. Gotta think I know a better game. Let's say I leave you and you hide some object, when I will come back here, I look it and I find it. All right, Vik? - If you find the helmet, it help. - Cut it! - We'll find some place to hide the thing and he'll peek in seed. Why would I peek? All right, Viktor, you hide subject somewhere else.
I'll stay here. Ali Baba will stay with me and you keep an eye on me. OK? Why does it have to be me? If anything goes wrong, you pin it on me. I'll clobber you and I'll bash your face in here! Clobber, clobber... - Listen, Lawyer, you were a little boy once, right? - That's right. - You had a papa and a mama? Right? - Yes. How can you be so nasty now? You're as mean as a mad dog. Oh, Vassia... - Hey! Get it hidden? - Raspy's hanged himself. - There's our man. - Yeah... You're here too, are you? You know, I was about to go to your joint, but I smelt a little trap. I could just feel it. I could feel it down in my bones. Mitya, you gotta hide me while. Come on. - Hey, where are we going? - Keep going. Sorry, doctor, your ambulance came for nothing. That's all right. Just give him a little sedative, hot tea and aspirin and mind him sleep. Thank you. Does it hurt, Ivan?
Plenty, Vassia. Read it again. Again? Dear papa, we heard the news that you were in prison and the news made us very happy, because we thought you were dead. Oh, I should like to know the lousy skunk that tipped off Raspy's children about him? Shhh! And mama, she was happy too, because, because when your letter came she felt like crying. And she cried all day long. She used to tell us you were a pilot that he made test flights... Yeah, test flights out of the cooler. Anyway I'm very glad you're still alive, daddy. I'm glad because mama always said you were good and kind, only you have a weak character. That's it! He's a weak character! Steals our bread and tries to pin it on a hack driver! Get lost, you cried? Or I'm gonna bash your teeth in! Alright, cut it out! What's wrong with you anyhow? You're over 40 years old. Which means that more than half of your lives is past now.
What's your past like? Your present? Muck and ignorance and fear, nothing human. Snap out of it! Snap out of it while the time's still right! Take my advice! Listen to me, Lawyer! We got to get out of here, because that ... girl will turn us in. - No, she won't. - What makes you think so? I just bled her with my razor, threw her in the well to make you happy, have a look. To Colonel Verchenko. I'm going to tell these men who I am. I haven't the right to deceive them any longer. If something should happen to me, please don't accuse anyone. For this letter is nessesary. Let's see, how much time was I serving? One year. And how much for escape? Three. And then the kindergarten and the apartment? Let's say ten. - How much is that in all? - 14 years. And instead of the measly stretch 14 years in jail I have to put up with that crazy murderer who throws little old ladies into a well? Do anything you like, but I go to the police. Yeah... Go ahead. He won't touch you.
How about you? You mean to tell me you going to put up with him till you're both dead? Vassia... Hey, Vassia! A little while ago I told him that I had a cold, but he said... Squash it! Who gives a damn about your cold? Come here. Hey! Where are you, guys? Here we are. - What are you doing? - Oh, we're just sweeping the carpet. Listen, comrades... Finita la commedia! Now first time when I remove this. Watch me... One, two... Three! When I've done my time... I'll quit! That'll be it. Then I'm gonna get a job. What job? - The refrigerator 'salesman' for the ass comose? - What do you mean 'salesman'? For I can work a see man trucking, I can be a translator. I know French now. If only we had that helmet with us. Who's the Lawyer? A wrong guy. You have plenty of those, but only one gold helmet. If we can turn that helmet in, our sentence might be reduced. Where could he have stashed it? We've tried everywhere.
No good crook! I've got a cold and you can say is 'swim, swim'. He wanna me dive in the water in this weather. - What did you say that? - When they nabbed us, you remember that, don't you? He told us when he was fishing, on a lake and I have to dive when it was thirty below. Wait a minute. He did say something about fishing? Yeah, he say he'd been fishing through a hole in the ice, and he asked me if I knew how to swim. He put the helmet in the freezing water through the hole! Hey, look at that! Hey, look at him! He remembers, untrustworthy man! Through the hole, in Malakhov lake! And what do you do, crammer? You could've list of me a note when you hanged yourself! - Come on! - And him? Leave him for the cops. Come on! Why drag a bastard like him along? Come on! Archeologists! Yahoo! - You tell me where it is! - At the bottom, what do you think? - Go on, dive. You'll find it. - Why me? Always Crosseyes, Crosseyes is the goat! - Vassia, do me a favour, tell him to try himself, huh? - Out of the question! When I can catch my death of cold. Afraid to catch cold? A guy who's hanged himself! How about that?
You guys looking for something? Dive for it! And make it quick! - Oh, little girl, which way to the landing dock? - Straight ahead. I'd waste you, boys but... I've got other things to do. Halt! They are doubling up! There're two of them now! Three, the third one is back at the house tired up! Halt! That's one! Oh, splendid! Viktor Petrovich, splendid work... Two! The more Lawyers we cup, the better for us. What about us? We give up, too! They've already shaved his head. The End Перевод: mykstery
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