"NARCISSISTS TREAT YOU WITH ARROGANCE AND ASSUME YOU'RE DUMB"/Lisa Romano

"NARCISSISTS TREAT YOU WITH ARROGANCE AND ASSUME YOU'RE DUMB"/Lisa Romano

SUBTITLE'S INFO:

Language: English

Type: Robot

Number of phrases: 920

Number of words: 5173

Number of symbols: 24030

DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES:

DOWNLOAD AUDIO AND VIDEO:

SUBTITLES:

Subtitles generated by robot
00:00
today we're going to be talking about why so many narcissists come off so damn arrogant [Music] now when you're dealing with someone who has high narcissistic traits one of the things that you end up discovering in most cases is this level of arrogance right they just shut you down quickly they're quick to devalue other people they're quick to minimize your experience they're quick
00:30
to judge your opinion they're quick to accuse you of things that you're not guilty of they're quick to shut you down right and it can be really exhausting dealing with someone who is arrogant right you might really love this person but you see that they have this air of superiority this need to put other people down this sense of this idea that they're better than everyone else and so i wanted to break it down and see if we can make any headway through this so a quick
01:01
um just scan of the internet of the word arrogance looking for a definition and you find an offensive and offensive display of superiority or self-importance and overbearing pride i think most of us or many of us who've been dealing with narcissists at work narcissists in the family we've dated or married someone who is narcissistic we will see that this person has this sense of self-importance now this sense of self-importance it's it's not always so easy to see because sometimes
01:33
depending on what type of narcissist you're dealing with you're dealing with a covert vulnerable shy narcissist you're not going to see this sense of importance right away it might take time for you to see that they do have this idea within them that their emotions and their needs and what they think are far more important than what anybody else thinks and far more important that what you think and you really shouldn't think what you think or have the opinion what you of that you have at all by the way it's just
02:04
irrelevant and you'll see it through passive aggressiveness and on the outside when you're dealing with other people it might not be so easy to see that you might see this person as highly agreeable in front of a crowd but behind closed doors a covert narcissist generally treats the people who are closest to them as their main source of narcissistic supply and that's where you'll see the trouble come in when you're dealing with the covert narcissist in lots of the cases now the average garden variety
02:35
narcissist the person who is more easy to pick out in a crowd this person who tends to put other people down quickly looks for a lot of attention wants everyone else in the room to pay attention to them they come off like super super confident they could be highly charming eventually you fall down this path of wow observing a lot of arrogance and so i wanted to talk about why narcissists are so arrogant so i made a list and i'm going to share it with you
03:05
so an interesting fact is that some researchers some research has actually suggested that those with high narcissistic traits so people who have taken narcissistic tests to see where they fall these people actually know that they are perceived as narcissistic so it's not that they're not self-aware that they're coming off this way but something else is going on it seems like they really don't care that they're being perceived as narcissistic which leads to arrogance in my opinion
03:38
but i think it's really interesting to note that research is pointing in the direction of of leading us to believe and surmise that many narcissists actually know that they're they're they're testing or scoring with high narcissistic traits and they actually know how other people see them which i find really really fascinating because some in the past much of the research has suggested that narcissists lack self-awareness now you
04:08
know when we get into the self-knowledge aspect of self-awareness because i think there are different levels of self-awareness so if i have awareness of self then i'm assuming on some level at least is the way i look at it that if i'm if i'm aware of myself then i'm aware of my shadow i'm aware of my shadows i'm aware of the not so awesome aspects of my personality i'm aware of my vulnerabilities i'm aware of my flaws right i'm aware of
04:38
the way my mind is thinking i'm aware of how i'm coming off to other people and i'm aware as to whether or not you know i'm coming off in an empathetic way or in you know in a way that is callous i'm aware and i have a conscience and that conscience allows me to navigate my experiences with other people and the way i interface with other people that's a that's an amazing level of self-awareness however the jury seems to be out as to
05:10
whether or not narcissists have that level of self-awareness although research is suggesting that they are aware enough to know how you see them and how others perceive them so they have this awareness of self but are they really able to do the deep dive discovery work around why am i the way i am why am i narcissistic and how am i affecting other people but that gets even deeper because we have to
05:42
ask does this person have the potential and or the desire to care about how they affect other people which is you know a whole other issue do they have empathy neurons mirror neurons do they have the ability to have compassion for other people do they have the ability to take in other other people's opinions can they take it in can they can they chew on it can they think about it can they negotiate can they be fair can they say i'm sorry can they be
06:13
accountable and so i think when we can't just use the term self-aware and say oh yeah narcissists are self-aware and presume that we are saying that a narcissist is self-aware to the point that they are aware of their vulnerabilities that they're aware of their shadows and they're aware at that level you know um if you want to say a narcissist is self-aware they they know that they're a narcissist okay but to me when i think about self-awareness it's
06:45
not just i'm aware of myself in space and i know how people see me no self-awareness to me means so it includes self-accountability self-reliance self-responsibility and an ability to see myself at the level of my pain and do what i can in that space to heal so that i can love myself and love others so um let's talk about why a narcissist can
07:15
appear to be so arrogant what's going on so bragging about themselves may actually hide a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy like most of us realize that many narcissists are the way they are because they have this false self and they're trying to mask their insecurities with bragging they're trying to mask their insecurities with name dropping they're trying to pretend that they are far more confident than they actually are so they might appear arrogant through
07:47
boasting and bragging as a way to hide insecurities and a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy status seeking so this is another way that you might be in the company of someone and notice that they're status seeking they're name-dropping they're they're really into what kind of car they drive or they're into their body they're into how many people are into them how many people think they're hot you know how many people think they're awesome on instagram or facebook so they're
08:17
into this idea of status or what so-and-so said to them or who reached out to them so they like to name drop things like that but the status seeking narcissist may rely on the status of others as a way to feel good about who they are so if they think that you think that so and so is awesome then they assume that you think they're awesome too so it's a big cover up in other words like i'm going to name drop and i'm going to
08:47
seek status and and hang out with people that i think that could raise my status because i'm really hiding behind this side this mask and i'm really masking this idea that i don't really feel worthy in and of myself and i don't know how to generate my own positive self image so i'm just going to ride the coattails of other people this person can come off very arrogant so that might be going on another issue is that they may assume that others are just blind to how amazing they are so when
09:19
you're dealing with someone who has high narcissistic traits and they're appearing arrogant and you maybe you might even try to approach your brother your sister your child your husband your wife a co-worker like dude you're coming off like really arrogant right this person might think that you just don't get them that you are blind to their brilliance you are a dum-dum you don't get it you don't understand you are just not intelligent enough to understand
09:49
them they are superior to other people they are superior to you and so that's why you see them as arrogant you just don't get them if you understood how special they were then you wouldn't see this as arrogance right you'd be praising them you would think they're awesome so when you're dealing with someone like this who who has this attitude this is an aspect of their personality they may be coming off arrogant because they just think other people are are unable to see how amazing they
10:21
are so imagine if you're someone walking through life thinking that you know nothing's your fault and it's everyone else's fault that you're not where you should be right it's not your fault you know you think that you should be wit you should be higher than you are in your job but you don't have the qualifications that's arrogance to think that you should have x y and z job but you don't have the qualifications it's not even logical but imagine if
10:51
someone thinks that they deserve that job even though they're not qualified then what happens in their head well then it's not me and it's not my lack of qualifications it's because people don't see that i don't need those qualifications that i'm i will do a great i will be great at that job they just don't understand how amazing i am so that's another reason why someone might come off as arrogant another reason why narcissists might come off arrogant is that this is really crazy but narcissists
11:21
prefer to be admired feared well admired and feared rather than liked and so when it comes to a narcissist we have to understand that there's this level of this need for a sense of superiority they need to feel superior to you to others in their own head it protects them they need to feel like when they're walking on campus or they're walking across the mall or they're in they're looking for a car they need to feel like everyone in the
11:53
room sees them as better than they deserve special attention and it makes them feel better to believe that they deserve special attention and so a narcissist who is seeking a sense of superiority think about well how do you how do you seek superiority over other people well you demand it right well if you demand it then you're trying to intimidate other people lots of times if you need to be admired you're a narcissist
12:24
that means needs to be denied admired you might be someone who brags a lot you might name drop you might talk about the big house you're going to buy or you might be talking about how much money you make or what kind of car you drive or whatever what kind of vacation you're going on or how many people admire you how many people stop to kiss your ring at the mall right so it's incredible so we're paying attention to um we're paying attention to why narcissists come off so arrogant and i
12:55
think this is important because if we understand or play with at least try to figure out what's going on behind the scene why why does someone come off this arrogant if we understand like the back story then i think sometimes it helps us let go we don't end up needing to change this person or arguing with this person we can shut ishati and accept that this is their reality we can say namaste and walk away as i like to say we can accept their delusion we can
13:25
accept their false reality we can accept why they're doing what they're doing because we understand that what's happening is not something that we can change that it's really happening all inside their own personality and this is the way they're projecting it and their arrogance is really a mirror to the way their mind is thinking so remember that a narcissist prefers to be admired and feared rather than liked so that leads to arrogance so if i don't care what you think and i don't care if you like me then i dismiss you i'm dismissive i
13:57
really don't care how you feel i don't care if i upset you i don't care if you feel like i was inconsiderate i don't really care right and if i don't care i'm gonna dismiss you and if i need to feel superior over to you dismissing you might not be enough i need might need to talk about you to other people i might need to triangulate i might try to need to get you fired i might need to start a smear campaign because a narcissist who is arrogant prefers to
14:28
be feared and admired versus light and this will very much come through or bleed through in their personality as arrogance so another reason why narcissists might come off arrogant is because they view being seen as arrogant as a positive so there are people who if you call them arrogant they might just assume yeah so so what i'm confident or so what i don't
14:57
care what people think about me or so what you know what she's insignificant or so what what's the big deal so i told the boss what i really thought about her or him it could be a complete backward story blame shifting the whole bit but this level of sure call me arrogant but i think it's good to be arrogant so rather they take this idea of arrogance and they twist it and they turn it into a positive rather than a negative if you've ever said to someone hey you know that was a little arrogant and
15:28
they're just like yes so and there's this little smirk they don't think that they've done anything offensive so another reason why someone with high narcissistic traits can come off as arrogant is because of the way they're perceiving the word arrogant so while you might perceive the word arrogant as a negative as something that this person should really get a hold of when you're dealing with the narcissist they might not see it that way they might think well you know
15:59
it's great to be an alpha it's which is nothing wrong being alpha you just got to really pay attention to you can't have no empathy for people right you can you can be a go-getter you could set goals you could you know want to take over the world in a way you can want to set the world on fire as long as you're not stepping on other people's heads to do it right there's nothing wrong with self-confidence but when we're talking about a level of arrogance remember what the definition is it's an offensive display of superiority so when you're talking to someone who is
16:30
arrogant and they they twist it and they say there's nothing wrong with me being the way i am that's offensive they're actually displaying a sense of superiority and they don't even realize that in their mind they have taken the word arrogant and turned it into a positive where most people would take the word arrogant and be offended that you think that they're arrogant or they would not want to be seen as arrogant and they would feel bad and that remorse
17:01
would affect them and their conscience would allow them to change their behavior which is the most we can ask of any any human being um the uh the other thing that causes a narcissist i kind of touched upon this a little while ago another reason that might cause a narcissist to come off arrogant is that they just don't care you know have you ever dealt with someone that just doesn't care like you tell them what they think don't care you know you tell them that what they said in front of your mother was offensive
17:33
the cursing the language that they used don't care you tell them that you know them flirting with your girlfriend hurt your feelings and it embarrassed you don't care you telling them that you know they spent the your the rent money on you know weed or drinking or gambling don't care like they literally don't care which is offensive to be in a relationship with someone and remember remember relationships should go 50 50 they should go two ways
18:03
not one way so it's kind of mind-boggling when you're dealing with someone and they're so arrogant that you know that they don't care i mean i've had clients and i've spoken to their spouses and i've been appalled at the level of don't care and it's not because this was a long-standing relationship and the partner felt drained by the one partner there was this level of i don't care from day one she's she's a mess she's this she's that
18:34
i don't care i don't care what she says i don't care what what what anything that comes out of her mouth it's all nonsense she's crazy she's this literally like this level of arrogance beyond human comprehension and you wonder why right like you you wonder why someone who is married to someone who is this arrogant ends up feeling like they're losing themselves because they're in a relationship with someone that they think emotionally should care and this person doesn't care and the
19:05
words that are coming out of their mouth are very dismissive and you're being blamed for why you feel the way you feel you're being cold dramatic because you feel like something's wrong you want to try to fix it but then the narcissist is saying there's nothing wrong with me there's something wrong with you and that leads that is arrogant right so even if you're in a relationship with someone and you don't quite understand what's upsetting them if you love this person and you care about this person
19:36
and you're committed to this person you should really want to know what's really going on with them right if you don't want to know what's going on with your partner that's an issue because healthy relationships partners care about what's going on with one another and each partner knows that they are important to the other the other partner it's like not a question you feel like you have someone in your corner but far too often often when you're in a
20:07
relationship with someone with high narcissistic traits and arrogance is a main personality characteristics characteristic what you feel is like they really don't care there's that level of they don't care so that's another reason why if you're dealing with someone who has high narcissistic traits they will come off as arrogant the next thing is that a narcissist doesn't know how to care about someone in a healthy way in other words they are
20:37
empathy impaired so they might even have this cognitive empathy like i think i know why this person is upset but far too often they lack the emotional response that healthy people have when other people are in pain the ability to actually feel what someone else feels to like oh you know see someone crying and you know you just well up with tears not that you have to cry every time someone else cries
21:07
but it's normal and it's great for humanity for us to be able to feel what one another feels if i can feel your pain then i don't want to inflict pain on you and so i think it's a really important quality that we look for in future partners and we make sure if we're in dysfunctional relationships and toxic relationships we're looking for this ability for our partners to have some compassion and almost like
21:40
somatic empathy so in other words like if i'm upset like it's really helpful to know that my partner cares now there are situations when you're dealing with people who have high narcissism who they have never seen you in the relationship and it has always been about them and you're exhausted that's not what i'm talking about here for what i'm saying to be true it has to be in the situation that you are in a relationship with a high conflict person who is arrogant who displays
22:12
offensive superior behaviors their language their language patterns have you have you believing that they think they're better than you they say things like you're stupid you're smart why would you say that what would you do without me i'm embarrassed to be married to you i can't believe that i am married to you don't tell anybody you're with me you know you still talk like that you think like a child i can't tell you anything so they're constantly making you feel like they are superior to you they're trying
22:44
to beat you down right so for what i'm saying to be true that has to be the dynamic you have to be in a relationship with someone who it love bombed you pulled you in right pulled you in trauma bonded you you have these these periods of intermittent pleasurable experiences where you're being reinforced and then boom there's this explosion you're devalued right and then the cycle you start to calm down the cycle you know begins all over again and
23:15
what you're noticing in that cycle is a level of arrogance that will be a thread a pretty consistent thread that you will notice if you happen to be in a relationship with someone who is highly narcissistic another reason that you might notice arrogance in some with high narcissistic traits is their inability to be honest and vulnerable and so when you're can't be honest and you can't be vulnerable you always have your guard up
23:46
and arrogance could be a way that a narcissist protects themselves from the fear of abandonment from being mortified right so you know if you think about it like narcissists really fear being embarrassed they really fear that you're going to leave them that you're going to expose them for the fraud that they are that they're going to feel less than that and remember they're relying on feeling superior to help them feel regulated right so as long as everyone else thinks i'm the smartest person
24:18
on youtube and i'm the smartest person in the office and i'm the smartest person in the world and everyone should listen to me and they shouldn't listen to anybody else as long as i believe that and people are mirroring that to me yes you're the most amazing no one should listen to anybody but you you're great you're awesome i don't know why anybody listens to anybody else right so as long as you have people mirroring that back to you you feel pretty confident you go out into the world and you're the smartest person in the group you love that if you're a narcissist right
24:49
so as long as you have that you feel pretty confident so it's difficult for that person probably impossible in most cases for that person to actually let their guard down and imagine that someone else right deserves to be seen as special also or is bright or shares the spotlight with them it's very difficult for a narcissist to share a spotlight you'll see this in families i noticed this recently on one of the
25:20
bravo housewives show where it was so obvious that one of the housewives on bravo was really ticked off that the show asked a member of her family or a couple of members of her family to participate from the outside looking in it looked like this highly narcissistic housewife was so ticked off that she was going to have to share the stage with other members of her family so as long as she remained the head peacock it was good right she would be getting all the accolades everyone be talking to talking about her and her success but
25:53
it was very uncomfortable for her to share the spotlight with other people that's very common especially with narcissistic females not sharing the spotlight it's all about me all about me so you'll see a level of arrogance when someone is afraid to be vulnerable when someone is struggling to feel like they are like everyone else when someone is struggling to be honest with their fears and honest with their flaws it takes a lot of courage to be able to say
26:23
yeah i'm not perfect because when you say yeah i'm not perfect and you really get into that spot of yeah i'm not perfect it's almost like your shell has come off and you are a soft target now right now so if if you know what my booboos are i've actually handed you a weapon and you can exploit that weapon anytime you like which is one of the tactics a narcissist uses right so they get you to drop your guard you tell them all about your life and now they know where all of your vulnerabilities are
26:55
and anytime they want to exploit you they will and so if you have a fear of abandonment they threaten to leave you if you've been cheated on then they threaten to cheat on you or they cheat on you um if there was you know if there was some other issue in your family in your childhood and you don't want it to come out then they use that against you if you posed naked in college and you didn't want anyone to find find out if you you know you did something in college that had to do with nudity then they use that against you and so it's
27:26
it's important that we recognize that people who have a difficult time being vulnerable and being honest who haven't done enough self-recovery work in a child work digging into what codependency is and how it keeps us stuck and how it how it keeps us below the veil of consciousness and dysfunctional relationships because to heal from codependency you have to be able to be vulnerable especially with the self you can't play games if you want to heal from codependency so when you're dealing with someone who has a difficult time seeing themselves and
27:58
seeing their own vulnerability then what you're going to get is the boom you're going to get the shield you're going to get the weapon you're going to get the sarcasm you're going to you're going to get the minimizing you're going to get the discard right you're going to get arrogance because the arrogance protects them and their vulnerability so as long as they're arrogant they're kind of protecting their vulnerabilities so someone with high narcissistic traits is really not able or willing to let you in
28:30
to let you see their boo-boos because maybe not only are they afraid of you exploiting them but maybe they know on some level that this is what they do this is their mo and so if i'm a narcissist and i get you to trust me and you tell me something from your past let's say you know you did something in the past you never wanted your children to know and i'm a narcissist and i know that oh good that's juicy information i'm going to store that in the shed
29:00
in case i ever need it and i know that that's what i'm going to do then i know it's possible for people to do it to me too so then why would i be vulnerable with you if i know that i'm going to use this against you why would i be vulnerable with you i experienced this in my life and it was devastating because i never saw it coming you know you love someone you trust someone and you you open up yourself to this person and you tell them exactly what you've been struggling with and you
29:32
don't always notice that the person isn't being honest with you back like nothing's coming back right they're just there listening to you holding your hand you think wow this is great you know you feel so seen right so we've got to really really be careful about sharing vulnerabilities with people because that's our those are our sacred booboos right and we really have to learn how to protect it and honor it because there are people out there who are malicious there are people out there who have malicious intentions
30:03
there are people out here there who are predator type personalities and who want you to tell them all of the all of your boo-boos and share with them all your vulnerabilities so they can exploit them so that is that may be another reason why narcissists can appear to be can appear to be so arrogant because they understand that they have to protect their vulnerabilities and one of the ways they can do that is through their arrogance because on some
30:34
level they may not be able to trust anyone because they understand how they play inside relationship dynamics hey if you love this content don't forget to check out the next video and you can go to my website and take the codependency quiz

DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES: