The BMW i3 Electric Vehicle is a Terrible Little German Toaster Driven by the Worst Kind of People

The BMW i3 Electric Vehicle is a Terrible Little German Toaster Driven by the Worst Kind of People

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00:05
good morning this is Bill from out of Europa Naples on another muggy miserable Florida Wednesday the weather reports are gonna be the same for a while there you know we got months of us left humidity make a big curtain that just drapes over you mosquitoes in the air the size of sparrows miserable vicious attacking things that come for you at all times and just this general sense of horrible malaise weather-wise that adds to the other general sense of horrible
00:37
malaise that were experiencing nationally at the moment I'm not even gonna get into it it's just so depressing I mean as if the virus isn't enough now it's being slowly replaced with the entire country burning to the ground wonderful wonderful I'm also very pleased to hear that they've canceled the show cops it was the one thing that kept me going when I was on these away trips you really can't find anything on commercial TV to watch but at least cops gave you that little bit of why ok I get it
01:06
obviously the cops are good people so they can't be on TV but still it was a good show and a bit around for a long time anyway today they have given me today they've given me this Teutonic toaster this little electric miserable BMW that I'm supposed to review and I think this is penance obviously for enjoying that v12 Mercedes so much last week and having bought that master Cadillac broom not a big fan of that style Cadillac Brougham even if it was
01:41
the last of the mohicans that's probably a hate crime to say that now but but anyway it's it's you know that true full framed v8 powered caddy that remise on internal combustion to motivate itself and it's just a lovely car to drive and it came in you know III might review it I don't know it's a bit of a turd but it's real nice for a turd so we'll see but either way those two cars have obviously caused this one to come along and now I have to review it and this is
02:14
this is a genre of car that I just don't like I hate electric cars and you know I know there's people who love them even people that make sense to me whom of them but for the most part of God I don't know I find the people who drive these things to be unfathomable just the worst humans on earth basically three types of people drive these the hipster ladies who want to be cool and you know good to the earth even what will get into that man bun type you know
02:47
semi-successful kids who probably spend their time video gaming and think they're doing something appropriate and then nerdy serial killers not your multiple Meg's type you know from from Silence of the Lambs the one who flings stuff on nice ladies and chops peep them up and all that but sort of your hyper-technical mild-mannered ultra waspish serial killer that has a basement full of torture devices and you know also makes to chart as gas mileage
03:20
there was the three people who basically owned these things and none of them are people that I want to spend too much time with I do have a couple of friends who would be into this both of whom abstence ibly ark internal combustion types andrew audio ropa service a very nice actually is not he's a complete jerk but you know 400-pound guy with an attitude a sarcastic evil mean-spirited and he least one of these for a while
03:49
and really enjoyed it and then of course the guy who is my mentor in the car world was engaged to my sister at one point life he drives whatever little shitty weird things he can and he's enamored of electric cars if you give him a little moon buggy like this he'd be the happiest guy on earth he thinks the Prius was the greatest thing since sliced bread and again that's a guy who got me in there like 427 Corvettes and you know Top Fuel dragsters and Formula One and that sort of stuff so really is quite
04:20
devastating so BMW came out with this it's new I line of cars they weren't quite separate from BMW even if that's the way they had planned that they were gonna have their own dealerships and stuff and it was an all new way for BMW to use all their skills and history and methods to build a really really uninspiring and boring car that just looks ridiculous I mean the front of this thing looks like an angry chipmunk wearing glasses it's just unappealing it you think it's
04:52
got these big fog lights but it doesn't those big fog lights are actually the high beams that's how dumb this car god I mean I should beat it up there's probably people who might want to buy this and Marty's gonna be mad if I take it apart too much but I can't help myself I mean I just hate it I just hate it I did not like the home electric car thing it's got these rakish middle BMW headlights that are devoid of the angel eyes that make BMWs distinctive it's got sort of a weird
05:23
kidney grille that isn't a grim and it's trimmed in that blue color that the Adhan electric cars are supposed to have to broadcast to people that you're somebody who cares about stuff and you're probably gonna be really tedious to have a conversation when I thank God for that blue color for that reason the even the side of the car is not bad although I find it a little bit too stout too tall and just overall silly now when they did design this thing they came out with a whole new way of building cars I
05:54
feel like throwing up in the back of my throat a little bit when I say that because it's so common it's like we're all in this together you know a whole new way of building cars anyway it's guides called a skateboard design and and you could call it kind of the modern incarnation of the body-on-frame thing like that old Cadillac it uses two distinct parts one is the drive platform which is on the bottom the skateboard part if you will and that is all aluminum for the most part I think the trailing links in the rear suspension
06:24
are steel but that's about it the battery the battery and where they'll use decels and Lantern batteries there at the back between the rear wheels and it's completely separate from the knife module if that's not a word that makes you want to take an ak-47 and well anyway the knife module is this carbon fiber II plastic thing they bolt on on top and you know oddly that's where you sit so that's the knife module and together it just makes this thing
06:55
that you can drive around and broadcast your good values and sanctimonious behavior to the rest of the world now I won't say that they did make it nice and light as far as these electric vehicles go the i3 is considered to be amongst the most sporty obviously Tesla has some other stuff that's you know better in terms of sportiness but when you compare it to make them me for the Prius or that kind of crap it's probably more sporty than them and a little bit better even if it looks
07:25
completely ridiculous it uses these strange taillights integrated into the rear hatch there you see the BMW rondelle being exploited right in the middle you've got a drive you've got more tail lights down low you've got a little bumper sensors you see it's grey in color this car which is fine that's the part that changes colour everything that's black on this car is gonna be black on every other i3 whether it's silver copper whatever they come with from the side you get the impression that it has these big wheels and tires
07:57
not accurate they're basically two-dimensional you go to the front and you can see the thing basically is the width of the tennspeed that you had in high school and of course that's to cut down on rolling resistance so you can extend your battery life this one is all electrical that they do come with a range extender version and I have to tell you right now if you're one of these sanctimonious West LA types you better not buy that range extender that has the dinosaur fuel minute you better not you better stick to element
08:28
electric I don't want to hear about you pumping gas in the thing because you're afraid you got weather they call that range paranoia or something so yeah stick with the electric and you know really live what you're preaching it has a weird suicide door setup almost like my soul Farhat oh you could almost call this thinning extended cab and I don't know anyway let's just get into this let's get this over with a little rear wiper so a little pinch there and I can lift up the hatch and there you have the
09:00
room to put whatever it is people who drive these things are gonna need and I can't even imagine what that is they're not gonna need the you know ak-47s and bolts of ammo and all the great stuff that I like to have they're probably going to want to have I don't know with a quinoa and ki man fruit salad and the other stuff you're gonna get from Whole Foods we go in and spend triple what you need do to feed yourself they give you this here where you open it up and you think you're gonna find something and instead you don't you find a warning with a suitcase
09:31
on it saying don't put your suitcase in this two-dimensional area where you might fit a piece of paper because I I don't even know why they need that warning what the hell do they think you're gonna put there I mean absolutely nothing but anyway there it is you can't lift that up for some bizarre reason it's probably the service entrance to the hatch now they do give you these nice little baby retainers I don't know if you're gonna fit a toddler in there maybe just their head but you could stick a baby and in each side and then you're in pretty good
10:03
shape as far as then that row went around in the back we also have a little power outlet there if you need to charge up a middle 12-volt mobile or something to keep the babies entertained obviously those seats do fold down and then you could put more cargo in there you could do even more shopping at Whole Foods or you know the IKEA or whatever little trendy crappy creepy place you go to actually I like IKEA nothing like a good horse meat ball let's have a look under
10:34
the hood the hood the franck there's little plastic heat panels at the top of that Marty look at you gun this is your kind of car Marty this is your this is definitely the kind of thing I mean if it is small and embarrassing and makes people question your masculinity then you're gonna be all over it and I think that's that's very telling anyway it's got this little pouch in the front like a marsupial this is where we get that charger it's got tow hooks tire inflator
11:07
is extra lug bolts if you have to change the tire why I don't know because I actually don't think it has a spare so I have no idea what the hell that's doing there but anyway it gives you this little thrunk which is not watertight so you probably don't want to put your kids in there unless they need a bath and you know you're gonna go through the rain fantastic detail job from our guy makes me love them more and more I mean why bother wiping down the jams you know I mean nobody sees them when the when the thing's closed so why bother and why bother lifting a wiper to
11:39
clean underneath I mean what I would require at least an extra 19 seconds of neighbor before you could get back on your phone and start playing some mindless video game but anyway we'll have to talk about that later this body again is all this mix of plastic and carbon fiber part of what makes this card prohibitively expensive for what it is and you know anyway it's all nice and tight and under there whatever this let's not forget there's the bastardized BMW rundown on this thing often accused
12:11
of being a spinning propeller but is in fact just the Bavarian flag and frankly I thought the Bavarians were a lot more macho than this car alright so we can open up the door here and we're gonna see this sort of Danish modern e ultra European and I mean we're really if the Danish ever given us except for some cheese and pornography I mean it's it's it's just the style is it's meant to appeal to people who think this is what
12:42
they should be in it does use all these carbon but I kind of like this I have to secretly admit it's got little carbon fiber bits everywhere over that stupid blue colour that again denotes electricity and you know it's fine plasticky carbon fibre apparently these door panels are made out of hemp which is obviously what the people who designed it were smoking to extended quantities and you know getting their man buns on at a tither then it uses some sort of sustainable fare sourced
13:13
fabrics and leathers you know what that means basically when when BMW says that this uses sustainable and fairly source things it means that your car is a death machine obviously your manufacturer is sending out death squads to third world countries to beat people into submission they're probably running arms to different tribes and hopes of getting the stuff for less and you know but in fact these things I mean what do they run on batteries well where does the battery stuff come from first of all it the batteries are getting
13:43
charged by coal power plants let's not forget that and secondly they're paying these middle Chinese kids six sesame seeds a week to go down into the mithya mines and come up with noxious chemicals and diseases to make sure that these sanctimonious people have their electric cars that don't perform very well owning like Oh God Oh God anyway it uses the suicide door thing you actually do have a ton it's really a smart car in the sense that
14:15
this little tiny thing outside but it is pretty roomy inside and in the front you do have a nice amount of room in the back and whatever your Canadians are gonna be happy and sanctimonious back there feel like if they complain at all just tell them you're saving the friggin earth and they should shut the shut up they should just shut up and suck it up and keep saving the earth with you these strange panels that cover he is zero gun storage and they're just more MP stuff and bits of fabric that probably came
14:46
from anyway no transmission hump because the things basically rear engined and that gives you more foot room and legroom even these seat frames are the sort of plastic e carbon fiber e crap that makes everything light and let's just get in now here's the thing that really made me joyous this morning is when I crank this up to move it out here the airbag light was on and that's because I had a Schmitt somebody's key slit one of the panels in the seat so I
15:21
had that fixed and to fix it the trim shop pulls the seat out when they pulled the seat out BAM off goes the airbag right well that was last week wouldn't it be nice if somebody Marty who drove the car all weekend because he's a nitwit and Dalton who detailed the car wouldn't be nice to a bill you know the airbag lights on in that car it's an airbag light son why don't you have it shut off before you do the photos of the video just have it shut down you know that way it won't be ridiculous when you're firing it up and you're gonna
15:52
have to explain away and apologize for an airbag light but you know when your head is halfway up your rear end you don't think of things like that let's fire it up so to do that foot on the brake start stop all those screens come into life and as a steering wheel with an exclamation point I'm sure that means something so I'm a little crabby today you know I did have a great weekend racing and Sebring I will say that even though there to look at restraint system malfunction because this stupid seat was
16:23
unplugged even though I have to abandon my team we have this another team of people it's basically me al knife and Richard comments and you know it's a great little team when everyone shows up good when nobody shows up it's stupid it makes me want to go join one of the opposing team so I'll never went because his wife was afraid of her bike store and wanted her husband to confront armed protesters I think that's brilliant that's a brilliant you want to keep your husband safe send him out with the shotgun that confront protesters
16:54
that's gonna work really really well up is life insurance for God's sake Chris he came for one day then went home early because his child had a stomach ache a stomach ache as if the wife and grandmother can't handle that I mean are you kidding me what is he a doctor is he gonna go home and have one of those little rubber triangle hammers and test his reflexes life explained that Chris was just going home to drink and smoke copious amounts of intoxicants which is probably exactly what happened I mean if he was really sad over the child he
17:26
probably wouldn't have spent the day smoking and drinking but he did manage to do that so so Chris and I bailed then Richard went out tried to make it happen got an oil leak and then left in a fit of depression taking his air-conditioned trailer with him so we had to change in a moist field indoor horrible wet tracksuit so anyway all these people they failed me they failed me again and that means that I'm gonna have to join one of the other race teams out there I can't take it and and the only thing I
17:57
have to look forward to now is the the transsexual at the other dealership has now bought a spec car so she'll be coming to the races and that surely will up our stature amongst all the other race teams very nice girl great mechanic but but I don't know I just don't know if it's gonna work in the racing format anyway nobody wants to hear this back to the car so here we've got these two screens with our airbag light on it tells you we've got twenty six thousand
18:28
miles on the car the trip that they last took was sixty three hundred miles obviously that hasn't been reset because it could go about like 0.1% of that on a charge you've got your charge meter at the bottom we're down to 66 miles they're gonna do about 80 ish with the the equipment down on the normal you know charge you've got your BMW automatic headlights over here nice stuff nice stuff you've got your high beams you've got some sort of fancy Distronic cruise control on
18:59
this car you've got more I want to peel this off this blue I feel like it's that little protective coating that's going around the you know aluminum to make it not get scratched before you get it and it just won't come off and then you've got that same ridiculous blue in the steering wheel the - ignore hemp more Danish modern more you know vomitorium press this button and the pops up from the top got a window sticker here which to me was part of the problem that this
19:28
car had 47 grand okay I mean you could find like a $15,000 Koroma and have a lot of money left over for gas and no little poor kids are gonna be mining lithium and getting themselves you know tumors on their eyebrows from doing it so I have a hard time seeing paying 50 grand for one of these things the ultimate driving machine my ass not to mention the absolute most I mean this looks you know if you gave this the owner's manual Peck to a nine-year-old
20:00
girl she would say this is just too feminine it's too girly it's too ridiculous I'm a little embarrassed to have it I mean seriously look at this thing it looks like the notebook murti probably carried to junior high but anyway there it is get that back down [Music] in there there it is and of course all these weird little flying buttresses holding the screen from the side it does have BMWs iDrive system so we've got I don't know your navigations your you can
20:32
listen to satellite radio I don't even know what people who own their say if cereal Candace Springs double the real jazz that sounds about right people who think they need to make jazz even if they don't they're gonna listen to it anyway and I don't know whatever you can go through all your different stuff and hear your telephones your Bluetooth your tick-tocks your instagrams all the things that little snowflakes need to cheer themselves up there's some direct access buttons for it you've got heated seats they put heated seats in electric cars because
21:02
the idea is you won't turn your heat on and use up more electricity you're just gonna roast your rump and that's gonna keep you in good shape whatever I make the middle climate control thing with the layin side lights the one thing I like on this car is that knob I think that's pretty cool and it does of course have pretty nice air conditioning then you've got your but I'll give whatever over there your instruments for driving your speedo obviously no tack you wouldn't need that and we got a self dimming mirror and
21:33
whatever and then this shift knob whatever you look at this thing I get it that they want to be different they want to think outside the box but how is anybody supposed to intuitively understand how to use this thing P is for park so that's how you park then you put your foot on the brake and you pull this back to go into reverse you push it forward to going to drive I don't know if it's gonna that's it so this whole big ridiculous looking knob is just a lever which I think could have been made
22:04
a lot more simple instead of a camera you get this sort of backup thing that shows a picture of your very unattractive car as it's moving so now what are we on the tea box and now we're gonna head towards the sand trap in the fairway and get up to the green and see if we can't get a birdie it's absolutely silent as electric cars are very very irritating I would like to have some sort of big black Chevy sound piped in BMW heavenly uses regenerative
22:40
brakes to the point of incredible irritation other car companies did not bother to do this know why we're getting fog up here I probably have this wrong cept that right now you'd think it would have a display somewhere tell me and whatever it doesn't matter anyway so like the leaf and some of these other cars they all have regenerative braking meaning when I let off the accelerator okay now it's gonna wind up that electric motor and put juice back into
23:09
the battery and it drives very very different from a normal car in fact it'll come to a complete stop on its own without using the brake pedal other car companies wanted people to not feel like they were in a completely different kind of vehicle so some nice old sanctimonious lady could get in a Prius or a leaf and you know drive it normally without really realizing that she's in an electric car BMW did not take that approach in fact was it kind of subjective shed sense or something
23:43
it doesn't move I'll give it credit for that I mean it's pretty quick that was only about half throttle and we were going pretty good commit but it's still it doesn't have any gears to shift it doesn't anyway the regenerative braking so when you let off the the gas it just almost throws your head forward because it's recharging that battery so much there nele time let's see what that does
24:14
we don't have to wait for it to heat up is the battery explodes but anyway is so you can drive this car with one pedal just your gas pedal when you're on it you're driving fine watch the speedometer go down when I let off I'm at 58 I'm now off I am 5 3 149 40s that haven't touched the brakes and I'm actually feeling a pretty heavy braking as we go so that's one way BMW recharges the battery as you're driving around and
24:45
Nissan was too [ __ ] to do that they wanted people to not feel like they were in a weird car but obviously BMW is a little more daring in their tediousness so anyway that's that you can see you've got all your indicators you've got you know and the air conditioning is not great but it's ok I'm sure the heats fine and you know you can hop in you can charge this thing overnight 110 it also has the fast charging option if you want to hook that up at home that'll charge it up a little bit faster
25:15
I'm sure every store that the people who own these will frequent will have charging devices for you so you can feel really good about plugging it in you know try to get to a cloth and then you know clear your throat try to get people noticing you plug in your car in and you can drive it as a daily thing certainly wouldn't recommend taking these things on trips unless you're going out for a trip to the next county over because that's about as far as you're gonna get without recharging anyway as you can tell I'm in love with
25:46
this thing and it is for sale on our lot audio rope if you have any intro Marty's very excited about it give him a call talk to him about it he'll find it to be thrilling and you can you know discuss how you're gonna vote in the next election and you know whatever else is going on in the world today I really appreciate you having a look I'm gonna try to come up with another one this week I do have some stuff hanging around hopefully something that I can get a little bit more excited about and not be mildly negative the way that I was on
26:18
this car thank you so much for having and look we really appreciate it and we will see you with the next one take care bye bye

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