The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo - Episode 2

The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo - Episode 2

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Language: English

Type: Human

Number of phrases: 339

Number of words: 2529

Number of symbols: 11404

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00:04
Man: What are you here for? I'm on six beta blockers and a large iced coffee. I have no idea what I'm here for. She's here for 'young mom'. This is my wife, so. Just don't say anything about her appearance, okay? Okay, well the part's for redheads only. I have a wig. Fine. Well. They really dodged a bullet there, they almost didn't have a chance to give me the part. Oh, you made it. Big red! How you doin', Freckle? I'm drunk. You're drunk? I thought you were on beta blockers. You were driving the car. No, I'm drunk. So it's a really warm room, and also I'm having this little moment where I'm re-attracted to Billy. Caleb: I thought you guys had like, a really bad date. It was, but he came on TV the other day in this commercial and I was like, yes! Gimme that. He's so fuckin' sexy. So fucking sexy. He's like a rocket. I'm sexy. You're a model. Freckle. I'm a star. You're a pizza. I'm a pizza. Profile. Other side. Alright. Do the line. Come here, kids. Momma's got a surprise for you. Thank you. What are you doing today? Today I am meeting with my graduate advisors
01:38
at their house, because apparently that's where they meet with people. To go over what I'm going to take next semester. How do your school friends feel about the fact that all your friends are actors? They get it because I'm the only one that wants to be a theatre teacher, you know? The inner-city youth need you. I feel like that term 'inner city' is offensive. - Why? It's just like, over-used. It's kind of like calling people Russian. Like you can't just call somebody Russian, you know? She's Rus-- like a 'Russian' old woman, that's offensive. So what's going on with you and Benicio? It's good. We just had this talk the other night about not hooking up with other people. Which I'm very into on some level. But also it makes me nervous, because I... you know, I always get into these monogamous relationships and they're nice at first but then I... - Cheat. I cheat. But I don't even want to call that cheating because I don't think that the monogamy is a realistic expectation. So then why did you let him talk you into saying that you wouldn't have sex with other people? Because I fucking look at him, and he's so fucking beautiful and I'm like, "this is the only face I ever want to look at" like this... this is it. This is... You said the same thing about Billy. Well, I feel the same way about Billy. Anyway, I'm not going to have sex with Billy because Billy's a straight... person. - Yeah. - And Karen wants to have sex with Billy. What? I want to have sex with Karen. I thought you were bi and you were going...bi
02:40
and trying guys? - No. That was a phase. I'm Catholic now. - What? So, uh, how am I gonna sleep with Billy? Well, I don't think it's like a question I think it's just something that you can do whenever you want. Okay. Should we call him together, now? Talk to me. - Guess who it is! - Well... It sounds like Karen, and it's Caleb's number, so I'm gonna guess Caleb and Karen! - No, I'm Ray Liotta. - Ray, I love your work. So, ah, what're you doin'? What's what voice? "What're you doin'?" It's not a voice, I'm just asking what you're doing. - I'm pumping iron! - Tight tight tight. - Tight. What're you guys doing? - Just out eatin'. - Just out eatin' together. - Well come over! - Coming over! Come in, come in. Uh, I'm sorry the place is a mess. What's going on with all these beers? Yeah, I just kinda went through a break-up and I kinda tend to do that. During break-ups I drink a lot. Who'd you break up with? That girl that I wasn't really dating. He broke up with her but they weren't even together. Yeah, I feel bad about it. - You don't have to feel bad for her. - She's a sweet angel. I'm sweeter. [Caleb laughs] I'm a sweet little baby. So, what're you guys doing today? We are gonna go see my advisors. [Karen laughs] Hey, let me axe you guys something.
03:46
[Karen laughs] Why'd you guys have such a bad date the last time you went on a date? I don't know. Maybe 'cause you weren't there, buddy. Do I have some kind of magical energy? - Okay, we should go. - Why? Why, where are you guys goin'? Come with us. Oh, yeah. I've gotta switch the shirt though - I'm not gonna go... - Change it! Wow. Working out is really working for you. It's those tips he was giving me! Karen, he gave me these tips on working out, he goes, He goes, don't worry about what everybody's telling you Don't worry about some kind of a workout regimen Just like, you know, pound coffee or a Red Bull or something Ger real pumped up And just go and just fuckin'... just do whatever feels good. And that's what I've been doing, I just do whatever feels good. I don't even count my reps. He told my not to count my reps. I don't do it! You're getting distracted, put your shirt on. I'm going to want to change my pants too. Cause like I don't want to wear... a nice shirt with these... Change 'em, change 'em, change 'em! He has OCD, it's really hard to get him out of the house. No he doesn't. I actually do, I was diagnosed with OCD and sometimes it gets really bad. Um... what do you guys think of these undies? - Put on pants! - Go! Go! Go! Okay, I'm going! This fucking thing. - We're your advisors! - We are! You guys don't have to tell me every time I'm here.
05:05
Well, we don't want you to get confused. Alright, let's see. Now what classes do you need to take next semester? Let me see if I can pull it up on my phone. Why are there two of you? - Shut up. - Shut up. Alright, so you need to take intermediate language and literacy so, we'll just put that in your cart... - Hello ladies. -This is our lover. This is our lover Mike Wake. I was just wondering if any of the three of you want some tea? - I would love some. - He's our lover! - We love him. - You guys are in like a three-way relationship? It's called a throuple. We're in a throuple. We're in a lesbian-centric semi-non sexual throuple with us and Mike Wake. - What does-- - It means we don't have sex with him as often as we have sex with each other but we do love him, and he does live here, and he's in this relationship. He's in this relationship. Were you wondering if I was available to have sex? - Is that why you asked? - Did I ask? - I'm available. - You're very attractive. You can come over tonight for dinner and some sodas at seven, and if things go well we'll have sex. That sounds great. Are you stupid idiots done? I'll get you that tea. Thank you. Where were we? - I don't know, you guys are running this. - Oh my god! So I think I'm going on a date with like a young bear. - Who's this guy? - He's this guy, He's in like a throuple with my two advisors? - What's a throuple? - It's a three way relationship.
06:14
- Like in the dreamers. - What's the dreamers? You haven't seen the dreamers? - You never saw the dreamers? - No. You should watch the dreamers. We should all watch it together. Oh shit, Benicio's Facetiming me. - Hi! - Hi baby! - What's going on, buddy? - What're you doing? Oh, nothing, I'm just bored as fuck in Vancouver. Why are you in Vancouver? I thought you were in England. I am British but I'm in Vancouver trying to get enough credits for the US to consider me a strong enough actor to get into these, uh, it's confusing. - Aw, baby. - I feel you brother. - No you don't. What? I was just saying it's probably hard. Yeah, it's actually really hard. You flirtin' with me, Benicio? Don't make me jealous, this is my straight guy. No, I'm your straight guy Hey Benicio, did you see those pics of Caleb in the tighty whities - Very sexy. - Ah, shut up. - Who took those? - You know who took those. Yeah. Yeah, I do. So, do you wanna Facetime later, babe? I would love to see you later, yeah. Okay. I love you. I love you so much. You're beautiful. I'm not wearing anything else but this t-shirt. Please show me. Show me! He's so cute How come you're going to go out with a bear if you're in a relationship with him? I'm not gonna have sex with that bear tonight.
07:19
I'm glad to hear that, buddy. For the record though, that bear is extremely sexy. Bear from earlier: You want red or orange? Caleb: Orange is great. Thanks for opening it. Oh, you're welcome. My pleasure. So what are your interests? - Um, I like being whipped, and gagged. - Oh... That was straight... straight to it. I figured, why beat around the bush? - Yeah. - What are you interested in? Um, love and grad school... I want to teach acting to like, kids who wouldn't usually have access to that kind of program. How sexual do you feel right now? That's a good question. I had a very sexual kind of day, so... Lucky. How? I was with these really good looking friends of mine and they kind of have a vibe when they're together. Of course. Can I sit on the same side of the table as you? - Sure. - Kay. - How's that feel? - It feels good. - Feels good to me too. - Good. Yeah. Hey, I-- I shouldn't. I'm sorry-- Sorry, I shouldn't have led you on on this... No! No, it's a reality that's faced-- faced... in my... faced. What I mean is, I'm like dating a guy and I'm falling in love with him. And I think I want to be monogamous with him.
08:49
- I'm sorry I made this awkward. - No, it was definitely on me. Caleb: Um, okay. You are very special. Caleb: I love you! Bear: I love you too, thank you. Could you just hit A13 on your way out? Oh, god, I need more lights in here. Billy: Talk to me. Caleb: I almost hooked up with that bear. Billy: Oh, I'm so glad you didn't, buddy. Caleb: Yeah, I'm glad too. What are you doing, are you busy? Billy: Yeah, why don't you just come over? Caleb: Okay, I'll be there in a second. Sorry the place isn't clean. How'd it go with that guy? It was okay. He was just... really hot. And I want to... like, hook up with him. And I didn't. Good! That's good. Is that good? Yeah, you don't wanna betray Benicio. Guess not. I mean no. Come here, buddy... c'mere. Mm... I love ya. Love you. What'd you do today? You wanna know what I fuckin' did today? Yeah... oh wow, your breath smells so good. Thanks. You wanna know what I fuckin' did today though? Yeah. Well, I... I fucked Karen.
10:20
Wait, what?! You fucked Karen?! Wait that's fucking crazy! She was my dream girl ever since I saw that fucking NCIS episode and I called you about it. And then you guys went on that horrible fucking date I thought this whole thing was going nowhere. Um, it went somewhere. Caleb: To bed. Billy: To bed! Yeah. Billy: To bed. Caleb: Wow. I don't want to brag, but, um... she loved my penis. Oh, do you have a really nice dick? Yeah. How big is it? Seven inches. Caleb: Oh, so's mine. Billy: I knew it. I knew you had a similar sized penis to me. Ever since-- d'you remember when you sent that porn link on the text with Len? Girl was punching the guy in the balls? They probably are the same. Yeah. You know I knew a guy who came from, um, doing pull-ups? Seriously? Yeah That's pretty cool. I'm kinda hard right now. Think our dicks are really the same size? I know our dicks are the same size. D'you wanna see? Yeah. Wow! No, that's a big dick, bro. It's um... it's quite a bit thicker than mine. Let me see. I'm doing this like... you didn't know that I was gonna fucking do this. Oh, wow. (Phone ringing) Oh, fuck.
12:33
Oh, this is Benicio. Billy: Yeah, get it, get it. Hi, baby! Hey, babe, how are you? Good, what are you doing? Nothing, just chilling at home with my soft light. Do you like it? Yeah, your front light? My front light, yeah. What are you doing? What are you up to? I'm making pasta in the kitchen and I am facetiming with you. Hmmmmm How are ya? (laughs) Caleb: I'm great. It's funny how you live inside this box. Oh, that's what you're doing. Benicio: (laughs) I'm living inside the box. Caleb: So, what's the word on the street, what's new, baby? So, you're making pasta, uh huh, tell me more. Benicio: I have something I wanna ask you. Caleb: That sounds dramatic. Benicio: It's not dramatic. [Caleb: What?] Unless you want it to be dramatic. Um... No, I was wondering if I could come...come see you. In LA. Caleb: (stammers) Y--well, yeah, what do you mean? Yeah, you can come visit, but I thought you weren't legally allowed. Benicio: No, I'm not blocked from the country. I can come in on a tourist visa, I just can't come and live [there] Caleb: Oh! Then, yeah--yes! Benicio: Yeah? Caleb: Yeah! When are you thinking of coming to visit? Benicio: Maybe sometime soon? I don't know, I mean
14:05
I spoke to my agent, she said it was gonna be pretty dead next week. Caleb: Oh, like /now/? Wait, baby, you're gonna come visit? Benicio: Can I...stay with you...? Caleb: I really, really... really want you to stay with me so bad that I would be afraid that you'd decide not to stay with me after asking me this and that's the only hesitation I have. Benicio: Okay, cool! What're you up to, what're you doing? Caleb: I'm just hanging out with Billy. Billy: What's goin' on, buddy? Benicio: Oh, hey! Caleb: I'll see you soon. I love you. Benicio: I can't wait to see you. Caleb: [blows a kiss] Benicio: Love you baby! Caleb: Bye. [Caleb sighs]

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