蕭祥修 牧師 & 蔡晶玫 牧師 - 衝突中尋求雙贏的祕訣|20210516

蕭祥修 牧師 & 蔡晶玫 牧師 - 衝突中尋求雙贏的祕訣|20210516

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00:07
What we are going to talk about today is 那我们今天特别要谈的就是 Win Win Strategies in Conflicts 在冲突当中寻求双赢的秘诀 It is inevitable to have conflicts between family members 家人之间难免都会有冲突 How to seek a win win situation in conflicts? 那怎么样在冲突当中 How to seek a win win situation in conflicts? 我们能够寻求双赢呢 I think this is very important and critical 我觉得这是很重要也很关键的地方 In this series, we are talking about 我们这个系列在特别谈到 How can we effectively have a good relationship with our family 我们怎么样有效的跟家人之间 How can we effectively have a good relationship with our family 有一个好的关系 I think this is very important 我觉得这是非常重要的 I think the foundation of a win win situation is 那我认为双赢的根基 Do not have strife in our families 是家人不可相争 I want to especially mention this phrase 那我特别要提这句话就是 Because we are a family 因为我们是家人 If we want to be in a win win situation in any conflict 所以我们如果希望双赢 If we want to be in a win win situation in any conflict 在任何的冲突当中 We all need to have a basic foundation 我们都要有一个基本的基础 This foundation is 这个基础就是 We must not get into life and death struggle 我们不要争得你死我活的 As if you beat me 好像你赢我胜 The feeling of winning the game 赢得游戏这种感觉 This man I especially want to talk about at the beginning is Abraham 那我特别要一开始讲一个人就是 This man I especially want to talk about at the beginning is Abraham 亚伯拉罕 When God called Abraham 亚伯拉罕他被神呼召出来的时候
01:08
He took his nephew Lot with him 那时候他带着他的侄子罗得 He took his nephew Lot with him 一起出来 God blessed them greatly 那神很祝福他们 They just 他们就 Because they were shepherds 因为他们都是游牧民族 So Abraham's servants and Lot's servants 所以亚伯拉罕的仆人跟罗得的仆人 Because they have more and more cattle and sheep 因为他们的牛羊越来越多 The grass they graze on overlapped with each other 所以他们放牧的草地就会 The grass they graze on overlapped with each other 彼此会有重迭的地方 So quarreling arose between Abram's servants and Lot's 所以仆人跟仆人之间 So quarreling arose between Abram's herders and Lot's 就会有很多的争吵 "This pasture land belongs to me" 说这一块牧地是我的 "No, it belongs to me" 说这一块放羊的草地是我的 So they were quarreling 所以他们就在那里相争 Then Abraham told Lot 那亚伯拉罕就跟罗得说 Let's read this together 我们一起来读一下 来 He said, "We are kinsmen" 他说我们是亲戚 我们是骨肉 Let there be no strife between you and me" 我们不可相争 I think this is what we hope 我认为这是我们希望 A foundation for a win win situation 双赢的一个根基 If we wish that 如果我们希望 Our family relationship is pleasant, harmonious and peaceful 我们家人的关系是和乐的 Our family relationship is pleasant, harmonious and peaceful 是和睦的 是和好的 We must have a basic concept 我们必须有一个基本的概念就是
02:09
We are kinsmen, we should not quarrel 我们是骨肉 我们不要相争 Actually this story turned out to be 其实这个故事后来是这样子的 Because they were quarreling for pasture 因为他们争夺牧草 Later, although Abram was an older 那后来亚伯兰虽然他是长辈 He said to Lot 他就跟罗得说 "Look, isn't the whole land before us" 你看 遍地不都在我们面前吗 "You choose first. Choose the land that you think is better" 你先选 你想选择哪一块地 "You choose first. Choose the land that you think is better" 你觉得比较好 "The land you choose will be yours" 那你选择那块地就优先给你 Then Lot chose 后来罗得就选择 The eastern side of the Jordan River 约旦河的东部那一边 Because there was a lot of grass on the other side of the river 因为那一边绿草如茵 很多的草地 So he chose that side of the land 所以他就选择他要选择那块地 Then Abram said 然后亚伯兰就说 "Okay, I'll give you that piece of land" 好 那那块地就给你 So Lot took his servants and his cattle to the east of the Jordan River 所以罗得就带着他的仆人 So Lot took his servant and his cattle to the east of the Jordan River 还有他的牛羊 So Lot took his servant and his cattle to the east of the Jordan River 就往约旦河东去了 Apparently, it looked like he won 表面上看起来好像他赢了 He got the best part of pasture 他得到最好的一块牧草地 We know the later development of history 但是我们知道后来的历史的发展 There were two very important cities over there 那边有两个很重要的城市 One was Sodom and the other was Gomorrah 一个是所多玛 一个是蛾摩拉 In fact, according to the Old Testament, they were cites full of sins 其实从旧约圣经来看是罪恶之城
03:11
Because the place Lot moved to was very close to those two cities 罗得也因为搬到那边 Because the place Lot moved to was very close to those two cities 离那两个城市很近 Gradually the focus of his life gravitated toward the city, and he moved to there 慢慢慢慢他整个的生活的重心 Gradually the focus of his life gravitated toward the city, and he moved to there 就搬到城里面去 So it was inevitably for him to be influenced 所以他也多少都难免会受到影响 Then there were wars in the land 那最后又有发生一些的战争 At that time the nomads 那时候游牧民族 Sometimes they would fight for territory with each other 彼此有时候会抢夺地盘 Sometimes there were wars 有时候会发生战争 Later during a war 后来在一个战争当中 Lot and his entire family were taken away 罗得他们整个家都被掳走了 Abraham took his specially trained 300 servants to save Lot 然后亚伯拉罕还特别带了他自己 Abraham took his specially trained 300 servants to save Lot 所养的三百个仆人去救罗得 He saved Lot 他把罗得救出来 It seemed that 所以看起来好像 Lot got the better property 罗得得着比较好的产业 But actually 但是其实 Lot did not have peace in these process 罗得并没有平安在这些过程 He did not receive any special blessings 也并没有蒙受特别的祝福 Instead, Abram saved his life 反而他的命是亚伯兰把他救回来的 And eventually Lot encountered some very bad things in Sodom and Gomorrah 而且最后罗得在所多玛蛾摩拉 And eventually Lot encountered some very bad things in Sodom and Gomorrah 也遭遇一些很不好的事情 This is described in the Old Testament 这在旧约圣经都有描述
04:12
A point I want to say is 我要讲的一个重点就是 If you are a person with God's promise 如果你是一个有神应许的人 Like Abram with God's promise 像亚伯兰是身上带着神的应许 We all know the people in Christ 我们都知道在基督里面的人 We all carry Abraham's blessing 我们身上都带着亚伯拉罕的福 Please turn to your neighbors and say 请你跟旁边说 You carry the blessing of Abraham 你带着亚伯拉罕的福 So we are like Abraham 所以我们像亚伯拉罕一样 We all have God's promise 我们身上都有神的应许 God's blessing is upon us 神的祝福在我们身上 So we don't have to get into life and death struggle between close relatives 所以我们不必跟我们的骨肉之间 o we don't have to get into life and death struggle between close relatives 争得你死我活的 Sometimes if you let go 其实有时候你放手 God will bless you even more 有时候神反而会给你更多祝福 We saw Abraham was indeed blessed by God 后来我们确实看到亚伯拉罕 We saw Abraham was indeed blessed by God 确实也是蒙神的祝福 His possessions were getting more and more prosperous 他的产业越来越丰盛 So he didn't quarrel with Lot 所以他没有跟罗得在那里争一时 He sees their relationship as more important 他看重他们的关系更为重要 He said, "We are kinsmen" 他说我们是骨肉 "Let there be no strife between you and me" 我们不应该要相争 I want to give everyone the first foundation 我也要把第一个根基给大家 I want to encourage everyone 我要鼓励所有的人 If you want to have a win win situation in a conflict 如果要在冲突当中双赢 The first foundation is 第一个基础就是 Do not have strife in our families 我们是家人 我们不可相争
05:14
We have to value family relationships more than other interests 我们要看重家人的关系 We have to value family relationships more than other interests 更胜于其他的利益 I think this is a precious thing 我觉得这是很宝贵的事情 We all know that the Bible has another story 我们都知道圣经还有另外一个故事 Jacob and Esau 雅各跟以扫 Jacob and Esau were brothers 雅各跟以扫是兄弟 Jacob used a bowl of red stew to deceive the birthright of Esau 那雅各用一碗红豆汤 Jacob used a bowl of red stew to deceive the birthright of Esau 骗了以扫长子的名分 Then he used another trick to deceive the blessing of Esau 后来又用一个计谋 Then he used another trick to deceive the blessing of Esau 骗了长子以扫的祝福 Because of this 所以因为这样子 Esau was very angry and wanted to kill Jacob 所以以扫非常生气想要杀雅各 Jacob fled to his uncle Laban's house 雅各逃到他舅舅拉班家 Although after twenty years 虽然经过二十年 He went home with abundant properties 他有很丰富的产业回家 He seemed to get what he had fought for 但是他好像争到他要的东西了 But in fact when he came home 但是其实当他回家的时候 He wanted to reconcile with his brother Esau 他几乎为了要跟他的哥哥以扫和解 He gave almost half of his property to his brother 他几乎把他一半的产业 He gave almost half of his property to his brother 送给他的哥哥了 In order to seek for his forgiveness 为了要寻求他的宽恕跟原谅 Of course, God protected them in the end 当然最后神保守 His brother forgave him 他的哥哥原谅了他 So Jacob in the end 所以雅各最后
06:15
He didn't gain anything 其实也没有得着什么好处 Instead, what he got was 事实上反而得到的是 A deep resentment towards him from his brother 哥哥对他很深的一种怨恨 Then Jacob also asked forgiveness later 那雅各也后来寻求宽恕 He knelt down in front of his brother seven times 他有七次在他的哥哥面前跪下来 He gave almost half of his possession to his brother 而且把他产业几乎一半的 He gave almost half of his possession to his brother 分给他的哥哥 Okay, what I am trying to say is 好 那我在想就是说 To quarrel between the family, winning doesn't really mean winning 所以骨肉相争 赢未必真的是赢 Losing may not necessarily mean losing 输也未必真的是输 If we have this concept 如果我们有这个概念 You are the one with God's promise 那么你是一个有神应许的人 You are the one with the blessing of Abraham 你是一个身上 You are the one with the blessing of Abraham 带着亚伯拉罕的福的人 Then what you have to strive for is the best relationship with your family 那么你要争取跟家人之间 Then what you have to strive for is the best relationship with your family 一个最好的是关系 A foundation for a win win situation: do not have strife in our families 双赢的根基就是家人不可相争 This is the first point I want to share with you 这是第一个我要跟大家分享的 Ok, why it's easy to have strife in our families? 好 那家人之间会怎么样很容易相争 I think 我想后面 I would like to invite Pastor May to share with us 我想请晶玫来跟我们分享一下 What I want to share is 我想再来我要分享的 I will introduce a book 我会介绍一本书
07:15
"Fighting for Your Marriage" 叫 捍卫婚姻从沟通开始 I think this is a very good book 我觉得这是一本很好的书 I've sorted out a few important points from here to share with everyone 那我从这里面整理几个很重要的点 I've sorted out a few important points from here to share with everyone 跟大家一起来分享 We want to talk about the obstacles to a win win situation in particular 那特别我们要谈到双赢的拦阻 We all want to be in a win win situation 就是说我们都很想要双赢 Of course the first foundation is 那当然第一个根基 Just like what Pastor Samuel said, the key is 就像修哥刚刚讲的非常重要的就是 We do want to reconcile 我们真的想要和好 Otherwise, no amount of techniques or abilities 不然再多的技巧 Otherwise, no matter how much skills or ability 再多的能力 Can we restore that relationship 都没有办法去恢复那个关系 There must be a motivation 要有一个动能说 We must try our best to preserve our unity 我们要竭力保守我们的合一 Then I think the biggest obstacle to win win is 那我想双赢有很大的拦阻是在于 There are many conflicts in a love hate relationship 很多相爱相杀的冲突模式 It is strange 在家人之间很奇怪 We can be considerate to others or strangers 我们对外人对陌生人 We can be considerate to others or strangers 有时候特别能够替他们着想 But to our families, we could easily criticize about their temperament or behavior 可是对于我们家里的人我们很容易 But to our families, we could easily criticize about their temperament or behavior 这个怎么样的性情 怎么样的脾气 You just blurt out everything 怎么样的话就脱口而出
08:16
So, in a little while we will see 所以待会儿我们会看一下 There are four models for handling conflicts in a love hate relationship 有四种相爱相杀的冲突模式 These are major obstacles in our relationships 非常的拦阻我们在关系里面 And to becoming closer 能够继续的去建立那个亲密 Today's main Scripture is chapter six, verses 37 to 38 of the Gospel of Luke 那今天的经文 Today's main Scripture is chapter six, verses 37 to 38 of the Gospel of Luke 路加福音6章37到38节 Let's read this together, shall we? 我们一起再来读一次 好吗 Think about who you have been angry with or raised your voice to recently 所以你想想看在近期之内 Think about who you have been angry with or raised your voice to recently 你对谁生过气 Think about who you have been angry with or raised your voice to recently 你对谁大吼过 Eighty or 90 percent of the time it is someone who is closest to you, right? 十之八九都是跟你最亲近的人 是吗 It is easy for us to have conflicts with those who are closest to us 很容易是跟我们是最亲近的人 It is easy for us to have conflicts with those who are closest to us 我们很容易会有一些的冲突
09:18
This Scripture especially tells us that 那这个经文特别告诉我们 Judging and condemning are extremely harmful to relationships 就是论断跟定罪是关系里面 Judging and condemning are extremely harmful to relationships 非常大的杀伤力 So, let's take a look at the four types of conflict management 所以我们要看一下 That can obstruct interactions between people 破坏人跟人特别是家人之间互动的 Especially among family members 四种冲突的模式 The first type is verbal sparring and criticism 第一种就是舌战跟负面的评价 It is very easy in the midst of conflict to have a heated argument 很容易我们在冲突的时候 It is very easy in the midst of conflict to have a heated argument 就唇枪舌战 And to say something negative 然后就口出恶言 Then, you start to judge the other person 然后就开始评论 论断对方 Like a family drama 想一个小小的家庭小剧场 For example, a husband and a wife both come home from work 假设一个先生跟一个太太 For example, a husband and a wife both come home from work 下班回到家 The husband arrives home first 先生先回到家的话 As soon as he gets home he takes off his socks and throws them in a corner 一进门第一件事情袜子一脱一丢 Then, when his wife comes home and sees his socks strewn about 等到太太下班回来 Then, when his wife comes home and sees his socks strewn about 一进门看到袜子乱丢 She might feel angry and say 可能怒气就上来了 She might feel angry and say 就会说 "You forgot to put your socks in the hamper again" 你又忘了把这个袜子放到篮子里去 The husband is very tired 那先生很累了 He might feel that it's not a big deal 他可能就觉得 这有这么严重吗 Why is she nitpicking? 为什么妳要这么吹毛求疵
10:18
It is only a small thing 就是这么一件小事 "I am tired from work" 我下班我也累了 Then, the wife might say 然后太太可能会说 "I have told you this so many times" 那我跟你讲这么多次 "Do you ever pay attention to what I am saying?" 那到底你有没有在认真听我讲 "This simple thing of putting socks in a hamper" 就这么简单的事 This simple thing of putting socks in a hamper" 把袜子放到篮子里去 "You can't just do this one simple thing"那这么简单的事你都做不到 Then, the husband becomes even angrier 那先生可能 那个怒气更被激怒 He says, "You see, you have obsessive compulsive disorder" 就是说 妳看 He says, "You see, you have obsessive compulsive disorder" 妳就是一个有强迫症的人 "I really don't know why I married you" 真不知道当时为什么要娶妳 Then, the wife becomes even angrier 然后这个太太 可能更火了 She may say, "You are a slob" 可能会说 你才是一个邋遢鬼 Right? We can see 对吧 我们可以看到 These everyday family conflicts and dramas 这个是家庭日常的冲突剧场 对不对 Daily conflicts, daily attacks on one another 日常的冲突 日常的彼此攻击 But this kind of small drama 可是这样子的一个小剧场 Perhaps one day after being performed several times 可能一天上演个几次之后 Those feelings of closeness 一些亲密的感觉 The relationship will start to suffer 彼此的关系就会开始的耗损 This is something real 这是很真实的场景 Oftentimes 很多时候 In family, these kinds of small daily conflicts 家庭就是在这种日常的小冲突
11:19
Daily personal attacks on one another will cause relationships to suffer 日常的彼此攻击里面消耗殆尽 The second is negativity and contempt 那第二个是否定跟轻蔑 The family drama that we just talked about 我们看到刚刚的家庭小剧场 Began with socks going into a hamper 从一个袜子放到篮子里去 "You are obsessive compulsive." "You are a slob" 可以变成你是强迫症 你是邋遢鬼 "I can't stand you" 我真受不了你 "Why did I marry you?" 为什么我要跟你结婚 You can continue to argue like that 可以这样一直吵下去 "You are inconsiderate" 你不体贴我 你不体谅我 This can go on and on 可以无限的等号过去 This can go on and on 然后没完没了 When you feel your anger rising 等到那个怒气越来越上来 You might resort to negativity 可能开始否定 You start to show your contempt for the other person with your words 开始讲出一些很轻蔑 You start to show your contempt for the other person with your words 轻蔑对方的话 Personal attacks start 开始人身攻击 Bitterness starts 开始尖酸刻薄 You start speaking negatively 开始口不择言 Can you imagine that? 你可以想象吗 When two mature adults argue 两个成熟的大人吵架的时候 They might become like three year old children 有可能都变成三岁小孩 It might become the argument of three year olds 这是有可能 It might become the argument of three year olds 变两个三岁小孩在吵架 A sister once shared with me that 有一个姊妹跟我分享说 One day she was planning to start cooking at five o'clock 有一天 她就是打算五点才去煮饭 Before five o'clock her husband said 然后她先生不到五点就说 "I'm going to wash the rice" 我要去洗米了
12:19
Then, she said, "But, it's not time yet" 然后她就说 时间还没有到 "Why are you going to wash the rice now?" 她说 你为什么要去洗米 He said, "Because you aren't doing it" 他说 因为妳不洗 You can imagine how angry she felt when she heard this 你可以想象这太太听到这句话 You can imagine how angry she felt when she heard this 整个怒气就上来 "When did I say I wouldn't wash the rice?" 我哪有说我不洗 Their two children were there 然后小孩 两个小孩在旁边 They saw their parents acting like three year old children 看爸爸妈妈变成三岁小孩 They were yelling at each other until seven o'clock. The children hadn't eaten 一路的狂吵到七点 小孩还没饭吃 They told their mother that they were hungry 去跟妈妈说 妈妈 我肚子好饿 It was only then that they made peace 然后他们才去和解 This is something that we can usually see 这是很平常我们可以看到的 Oftentimes from a small argument 很多时候 从一个小小的争吵 Comes negativity and contempt 慢慢的变成否定 轻蔑 This might also happen between fathers and sons 有时在父子的关系也有可能 Perhaps when a father sees his child's grades 可能爸爸看到小孩的成绩 Or a mother sees her child's midterm score 还是妈妈看到 Or a mother sees her child's midterm score 小孩这次期中考的成绩 After seeing that grade or score 看了那个分数之后 Their tempers flare 瞬间就怒气就上来 "Didn't I help you to review this?" 这题不是我帮你复习过 "How could you get it wrong" 怎么就错了呢 "That is a really stupid mistake" 真是笨得可以了 "You aren't going to amount to anything" 你长大真的是成不了什么事情
13:20
Oftentimes we treat those we love 很多时候我们对我们很爱的人 Those whom we are close to 很亲近的人 We won't stop ourselves 反而我们完全不会去停下来 We will be very direct 我们会很直接的 In expressing our emotions 把我们的情绪说出来 Sometimes the conflicts between spouses is like that 有时夫妻之间的冲突也是这样 "You are, you see, you are not good at earning money" 你就是 你看 你就不会赚钱你看 "I was really blind when I married you" 当初真的是瞎了眼才嫁给你 Everything can be said 什么话真的会说得出来 In the past, I felt 以前我都觉得 The "Ba Dian Dang" soap opera was really exaggerative 那个八点档演的是太夸张 But after shepherding for a while I found that it is true 但是牧养久了之后就觉得 But after shepherding for a while I found that it is true 那个是真的 It is true 那个真的是真的 In the situations of life 生活的场景在一个家庭的剧场 During a family drama 在上演的时候 It is really difficult to imagine that 真的你没有办法想象 Two people who are highly educated 这两个受了高等教育 Who usually seem like ok people 还这两个平常看起来OK的人 When they argue they can be so negative and can attack one another so personally 可是吵起来的时候 When they argue they can be so negative and can attack one another so personally 可以是这么样的否定 人身攻击 They can express their contempt 轻蔑的话都出来 I think these are all bad models for handling conflict 那我想这一些都是不好的冲突模式 They will cause a relationship to suffer 会非常耗损关系 Then, filtered lenses and negative interpretation 还有 滤镜跟负面的解读 What are filtered lenses and negative interpretation? 什么是滤镜跟负面的解读
14:22
As I was preparing this message I thought about 我在预备这个我就想到 I thought about the novel "Pride and Prejudice" 古典的文学名著叫做傲慢与偏见 The main characters each used a filtered lens 这个女主角对那个男主角 The main characters each used a filtered lens 就是有一个滤镜 She thought that this person was too arrogant 她觉得这个人太傲慢了 So, she behaved a certain way toward him 所以她对他很多的行事风格 She used tinted glasses 她就有了用一个有色的眼镜 That is, her subjective ideas about this person 就是她对这个人主观的看法跟想法 Any of his behaviors 任何他的行动 They were distorted by looking through tinted glasses 她都经过她这个有色的眼镜来看他 They were distorted by looking through tinted glasses 都扭曲了 She completely misunderstood 她完全都误解 Everyone is clear about this story 这个整个故事大家都很清楚 She completely misunderstood the male main character 她完全的误解这个男主角 Why? 那为什么呢 Because people sometimes 因为人们有时候 "Why don't you ever understand what I am saying?" 为什么我说的话你老是听不懂 "Whatever I say you hear something different" 还是我说的话你老是听错呢 Because we all have filtered lenses 因为我们都有滤镜 Oftentimes if I have a certain idea about you 很多时候我如果对你有一种看法说 You are irresponsible 你就是一个不负责任的人 So any small action 所以任何小小的一些举动 My interpretation, my emotional reaction 你的解释 你的情绪反应 I will overreact 会非常的过度 I will feel that this person did it again. They were irresponsible 就觉得你又来了 又不负责任
15:24
If a husband feels that his wife is very controlling 还是如果一个先生认为太太 If a husband feels that his wife is very controlling 就是一个很掌控的人 She may say something casually 但是也许她只是很轻松的讲一句话 She didn't mean anything by it 并没有那个意思 But her husband has an emotional reaction 可是先生整个整个情绪就上来 "You want to control me" 妳又要掌控我了 Then, they are unable to communicate 那么他们没有办法继续沟通下去 Because there is a preconception there 因为已经有一个既定的看法在那里 For example, a child 假设一个孩子 I have really experienced this 我曾经真实 This is something real 这是一个真实的事件 Someone shared that he usually didn't get good grades 有一个人分享说他成绩平常不太好 When he was a child, he once scored 100 on a test and was very happy 可是他有一次他考了一百分 小时候 When he was a child, he once scored 100 on a test and was very happy 考了一百分很开心 He ran to his father 他就跑到爸爸面前说 "Dad, I scored 100 on my test" 爸爸 我这次考试考了一百分 Then, the father said to him 结果爸爸跟他说什么 "You must have cheated" 你一定是作弊的吧 He said that he was really hurt 他说他真的是太伤心了 Why? 为什么 Because through his father's filtered lens 在爸爸的里面 This child was not very smart 这个孩子就是笨小孩的滤镜 This father saw this child as not smart 爸爸看这个孩子就不聪明 His grades were usually not good 平常功课就是很不好 How was it possible that he could score 100? 怎么可能考一百分 So, when this child said that he received a perfect score 所以当孩子说 我考了一百分 His father asked if he had cheated 爸爸就是说 你是不是作弊来的
16:27
This is a very big problem in our communication 这就是我们在沟通里面 This is a very big problem in our communication 一个很大的问题 We have a filtered lens 我们有一个滤镜 We have preconceptions of people 我们对人有一种先入为主的看法 Some biases, some subjective beliefs 有一些偏见 有一些你主观的认定 So, our interpretations are negative 所以你后面的解读就变得很负面 It is easy to become biased 然后很容易偏差 Then we are unable to communicate with one another 然后彼此没有办法沟通 There are several types of filtered lenses 有几个滤镜我们看一下 The first is distraction 第一个是分心 That is not paying attention to what someone is saying 就是没有专心倾听 If you do not listen intently it is easy to hear something incorrectly 没有专心倾听很容易听错 It is easy to misunderstand. That is very possible 很容易误会 很有可能 I remember there were several times I traveled abroad 我记得有几次我到国外去 There were several things I wanted to communicate to Pastor Samuel 然后我有一些事情跟修哥沟通 I called him 我就打电话给他 I knew 然后我都知道 He wasn't paying attention, right? 他有没有专心听 对不对 I called him and said 我就打给他 我说 You are amazing 太厉害了 I would ask 我就会说 你是不是 "Are you playing Go while you are talking to me?" 你是不是在一边下围棋 "Are you playing Go while you are talking to me?" 一边跟我讲话 He would ask how I knew 他说 妳怎么知道 Because. Why? 因为 为什么 When someone is distracted 当一个人分心的时候 Sometimes they are unable to catch what is being said to them 有时候他对不上你在跟他讲的话
17:29
Because he didn't hear 因为他没有听到 What I was trying to tell him 你真正要跟他说的到底是什么 So, distraction may make us unable to hear things accurately 所以分心也是很容易让我们 So, distraction may make us unable to hear things accurately 没有办法听到准确 Sometimes, we may even hear 而且甚至有时候会听到 Some negative interpretations 有些负面的解读 The second is emotional state 然后 第二个是情绪的状态 For example, if today you are unlucky and I am in a bad mood 假设今天你很不幸 我情绪很不好 Then, just at that moment, if a couple 然后刚好 假设一对夫妻 And the husband checked the bill and said 然后先生就看了账单就说 How come we haven't paid our water bill? 我们的那个水费怎么还没缴 He didn't mean anything else 就这么平常的一句话 But the wife was busy taking care of the children 可是太太正在忙着弄小孩 And she just got off from work, it was so chaotic 刚下班然后非常的忙乱 And she was tired 然后也疲倦 The children were in chaos 小孩又乱成一团 And she heard her husband said that 听到先生讲这句话 It so happened that she was in a bad mood 可能刚好她情绪很不好 And she said, "didn't you see that I'm busy" 她就说 你没有看到我正在忙吗 "Can't you deal with it yourself?" 你不会自己去处理吗 "Why do you have to tell me that?" 你为什么还要跟我讲 Ok, there goes the daily conflict in a family OK 小小的家庭日常的冲突又开始 And the daily attack started again 然后日常的攻击又开始 It is very likely 这是非常有可能 When she was in a bad mood, and her emotion runs low 情绪不好的时候 心情很差的时候 There could be a lot of negative interpretation and perspectives 也会带出很多负面的解读
18:30
There could be a lot of negative interpretation and perspectives 跟负面的看法 And the conflict would escalate 然后那个冲突战火就会一直 And the conflict would escalate 升高起来 The third filtered lenses, belief and expectation 第三个滤镜是 信念与期待 It's also called the filtered lenses of expectation and mind reading 也是期待滤镜的读心术 Do you know? 你知道吗 When spouses or families communicate 很多家庭夫妻沟通还是家人在沟通 Oftentimes, we would use our perspective for them 很多时候我们会用我们对他的看法 And we try to read their minds 然后 我们会去读心术 And we assume that he would be like this or that 会假设想象他就是这样 We have a dialogue in our mind 后面有一个小小的对话 Let's take a look 我们可以看一下 This man 这个先生 In the brackets, those are the words he didn't say 那个括号里面都是他没有说出来 He has some thoughts about his wife 他对他的太太有一种看法 Actually, he really wanted a day off on that day 其实他那一天很想要放假 And he wanted to invite his wife to climb the mountains 想邀太太去爬山 But he felt that his wife doesn't really like this kind of activity 可是他觉得他太太很不爱这种活动 He already has a subjective perspective 他已经对她有一种主观的看法 And he tried to ask her 那所以他就试探性的问她说 "We have time" 我们有时间 "Should we be doing something?" 我们是不是应该来做点什么 Actually the wife was thinking in her mind 那太太其实心里想说 "We can go out" 也可以出去走走
19:30
But she thought he hesitated to ask her 但是看他有一点犹豫的问我 "Is it because he doesn't want to go out?!" 那是不是他不想出去呢 And they didn't say it 就是这个都是没有说出来 They were just trying to read each other's minds 只是在里面读心术 Ok, they were guessing what might the other person say OK 就是猜猜对方可能是怎么想的 So they said, "I don't have any opinion, what do you think?" 然后就说 我没意见 那你觉得呢 And try to ask for his thought 就试探一下他的想法 And the husband said, "We can go hiking" 这先生就说 我们可以去爬山 "But today is a holiday, it may be crowded" 可是今天是连假可能人很多 "How about us staying home and watching TV?" 要不我们在家看电视也可以 "What do you think?" 看看妳怎么样 And the wife thought 然后太太心里想 "Oh, you didn't want to go out in the first place 原来你本来就不想出去 "You just want to stay home and watch TV" 你就想要在家里看电视 But she didn't say it 但是她没有说出来 She said, "Sounds good" 她说 听起来也可以 "Or we can stay home and watch TV" 不然我们就留在家看看电视 "And have some popcorn" 然后吃个爆米花这样 The husband was disappointed 结果先生就在心里觉得很失望 He thought 他就想说 "I knew she was not willing to go out with me" 我就知道她就是不愿意跟我出去 "She didn't encourage me" 都没有鼓励我这样子 So, we see these conversation 所以我们看到这些对话 It's a pity, isn't it? 很可惜 不是吗
20:30
Sometimes, mind reading can be wrong 有时候读心术大部分的时候会猜错 Because I thought, "I thought you are like this" 因为我认为 我以为你是这样 "But I'm afraid that I would be rejected" 可是我怕被拒绝 "Or I am afraid that you may be unhappy" 还是我怕你会不开心 So, do I have to say 所以我不要说出来 I tried to ask 我就试探性的来问 They were playing a riddle 他们在玩一种猜谜游戏 "You have a perspective about me" 你对我有一种看法 "And I have a perspective about you" 我对你有一种看法 But what is the communication in the end? 可是最后的沟通是什么 No one tells about their real thoughts 谁都没有讲出自己内心真正的想法 No one has the courage 谁都没有勇气 "And if I tell you what I think in my heart" 还有没有去说出我里面的看法 "Because I think you may be like this or that" 因为我认为你可能会怎样 "And you may react in that way" 你可能会怎么反应 Between families 这在家庭里面 在家人之间 Sometimes, it's really easy to have this pattern of communication 有时候很容易有这样的沟通的模式 So, people can't really speak their minds 所以没有办法说出真正的想法 And people also have different styles 再来是不同的风格 Different styles means that oftentimes 不同的风格就是很多时候 Our patterns of communication are different 我们沟通模式不一样 Maybe it's the influence of culture 有可能是文化的影响 Just like Japanese, I think they're quite reserved 像日本人我觉得蛮内敛的 Like people in the States are very straightforward 像美国是很直接的 In addition to culture, there is also difference in gender 除了文化还有性别 In their family background and how they were raised 还有教养 还有家庭背景
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These all affect 这些都会影响到 The different patterns of communication between them 两个人不同沟通的模式 Some family are like this, they communicated loudly 有些家庭是这样 大声沟通 "We are used to communicate loudly" 我们很习惯辩论大声沟通 "We're used to it. We think it's normal" 习以为常 我们觉得没什么 Later, everyone will be like nothing had happened 等一下又大家好像没事一样 But some families they never have any conflicts 可是有些家庭是从来不冲突的 They avoid conflicts 避免冲突 They try to maintain the peace at surface level 大家都比较 维持表面的和谐 They wouldn't have conflicts even if they are unhappy 不开心也不会去当面去冲突 So, different families have different backgrounds 所以有不同的家庭的这种背景 And it's possible that for the husband, he needed to communicate loudly 那有可能这个先生他是要大声沟通 I was counseling a couple who had serious arguments 我曾经辅导过一对夫妻吵得很厉害 "Why are you arguing?" 为什么吵呢 I asked them 那问了一下 And every time they have an argument, the husband would talk very loud 原来这先生每一次吵架 And every time they have an argument, the husband would talk very loud 就声音很大声 And he argued loudly 然后就要辩论要大声的讲话 But in the wife's family 可是太太在她们家 She was afraid of people talking loudly 她就很害怕人家大声讲话 Her family didn't have this kind of atmosphere 她们家没有这种氛围 So, she got panicked 所以她会惊慌失措 And she would be scared and cry 然后就受到惊吓就大哭 And her husband would get even more angry 然后先生就更生气 "Didn't I say I'm just discussing with you?" 我不是说跟妳讨论而已
22:32
So, their patterns of communication are very different 所以有很大的不同的沟通的模式 It may cause bad interaction 也会产生不好的互动 I remembered Pastor Samuel and I 那我记得我跟修哥 When we just got married 我们刚刚结婚的时候 We had a lot of surprises 我们还有很多惊讶 I found that 我就发现说 Whenever I am in a bad mood 这个每次如果我心情不好的时候 Actually, I expected him to stay with me 其实我是很期待他可以陪我 Or if we had some arguments 还是我们有些不开心 I still hoped he could talk to me 我希望他可以跟我讲讲话 But what did he do? 可是通常他会怎么样 He thought he should leave and 他会觉得应该让妳自己怎么样 Leave me alone, right? 安静一下 对不对 Why do you want to leave me alone? 为什么你会觉得让我安静一下呢 Because I needed to be alone 因为我自己很需要安静一下 Because he was in a bad mood 因为他自己心情不好 He think he should be alone for a moment 他觉得应该独处一下 So, he thought he was being nice to me 所以他觉得他对我很好 When I was in a bad mood 我心情不好 He thought he should leave the place and let me calm down 他就觉得先离开现场让我安静一下 But it aggravated me 可是就让我更加的生气 I think you don't value me, and you ignored me 我觉得你不看重我 你忽略我 Negligence is probably a big red button in my life 因为忽略我 Negligence is probably a big red button in my life 可能是我很大的一个按钮
23:34
So, we often get unhappy because of this 所以我们就常常在这当中 So, we often get unhappy because of this 有一点不开心 Later we try to have good communication 后来我们好好的去沟通一下 And he said, "Actually, I was thinking" 他就说 其实我是想说 "When I'm in a bad mood or unhappy" 我自己心情不好不开心的时候 "I feel I should be alone and quiet" 我就觉得我应该去安静独处 "So, when I feel you are in a bad mood" 所以我觉得妳心情不好的时候 "I thought I should leave you alone" 我应该让妳安静独处 Later, I told him 后来我跟他沟通说 "Actually, when I'm in a bad mood" 其实我心情不好的时候 "I need you by my side the most" 我最需要的是你陪在我旁边 I need to speak it out 我需要把事情说出来 That I need someone to listen to my feelings 我需要有人倾听我的感觉 How different it is, isn't it? 这是多么的不一样 对不对 If we do not communicate 如果我们没有沟通 Then, we cannot keep communicating well 我们就没有办法很好的 Then, we cannot keep communicating well 继续的谈下去 After that conflict, I dare not to leave 从那一次冲突之后我再也不敢 I told him that actually, "Sometimes, I'm mad" 我跟他说其实有时候我很生气 "And I said leave me alone" 说你不要理我 "Still, you cannot leave" 你还是不可以走开 "Yes, you cannot leave" 对 不可以走开 "You cannot leave" 你不可以走开 "You cannot leave" 你还是要在那里 "I said leave me alone" 我说 走开不要理我 You still have to stay put 你还是坐在那里 Our mood 这个我们在心情 Something worse will happen if I leave 走开之后下场会很惨
24:35
This is our different patterns of conflict and communication 这就是我们很不一样的冲突 This is our different patterns of conflict and communication 冲突的模式 沟通的模式 Through our in depth communication 我们经过深度的沟通之后 We can work together well 我们就很有默契了 So, when he is in a bad mood, I will leave him alone 所以他心情不好 我就决不打扰他 I will leave him alone 我就让他安静 Let him lock himself in the study 让他关在他的书房 But if I'm in a bad mood, he must stay beside me 然后如果我心情不好 他在我旁边 Even if I tell you to leave me alone 即使我说你不要理我 走开 He would sit by me professionally 他也会非常专业的坐在旁边 And after this 然后我们从此之后 We can live in peace 就相安无事这样子 Different habits of communication often affects each other's pattern of conflict 那所以很多时候不同的沟通的习惯 Different habits of communication often affects each other's pattern of conflict 也会影响彼此的冲突模式 Fifth, self protection 还有第五个自我保护 I think for many people in relationship 我想很多人在关系里面 They're dancing in fear 跳着恐惧的舞蹈 I'm afraid of being rejected 我很害怕被拒绝 It's true, everyone in love 真的 每一个人在爱里面 We love and we are afraid of being hurt. It's so true 又爱又怕受伤 这是很真实的 So, oftentimes, when we're afraid of being rejected 所以很多时候怕被拒绝 We have to protect ourselves 所以我要保护 Different people have different protection mechanism 很多人有不同的保护机制 Some give the silent treatment, they just ignore the other person 有人是冷战 就是都不回答
25:39
They just don't talk or answer 关机 不说话这样 I heard that there was a woman 我听过一个太太 She could cease talking to her husband for three months 可以三个月不跟她老公说话 I really admire her, I can never do that 真的蛮佩服 我没有办法 I have to resolve my problems before the night comes 可能天黑之前我就必须要来和解 And for some people, they really 那有一些人真的 Sometimes, it's not that they are angry 那有时候不是真的说生气 But they are scared 是很害怕 And everyone has different reasons 那每一个人不同的原因 Some people they are aggressive 有些人是很攻击性的 Their ways of self protection is 自我保护的方式就是 你说我 Just like the example I talked about 就像我前面讲的例子 If you say I have obsessive compulsive disorder 你说我是强迫症 I say that you're a slob 我就来说你是邋遢鬼 They try to attack the other person 我们就是来用攻击的方式 To protect themselves 来自我保护 If you talk about my problems, I will talk about yours 你讲我的问题 我就讲你的问题 And I will turn my problems into yours 然后把这个我的问题 And I will turn my problems into yours 转到你的问题上 And these are all filtered lenses 那这都是一种滤镜 The five filtered lenses for negative interpretation 一种负面解读的五个滤镜 Which filtered lenses are you wearing? 想想看 你自己有哪一个滤镜 We have to recognize our own filtered lenses 我们必须要自己能够是 We have to recognize our own filtered lenses 辨识出我们自己的滤镜 So that we don't wrong people 以至于我们才不会猜错别人 Or mis interpret others' minds 读错别人的心理状态 We need to communicate more openly 我们需要更好的坦诚去沟通
26:42
And we just talked about three of them 那我们刚刚谈到三个 Now we are going to talk about the fourth 现在要讲到第四个 The first two are verbal sparring and criticism 前面三个是舌战跟负面的评价 These are very harmful ways of communication 这是非常有杀伤力的冲突沟通模式 And also an attitude of being negative and contempt 还有否定跟轻蔑的态度 Then, filtered lenses and negative interpretation 再来是滤镜跟负面的解读 The last one 最后一个 It's a very harmful way of conflict and communication 很有杀伤力的冲突跟沟通模式 The game of chasing and retreat 是追问跟撤退游戏 Have you seen a combination like this? 有没有看过追跟逃的这种组合 Many spouses are like this 很多夫妻是这样 One side is very pushy 一方咄咄逼人 That is, he or she wants to resolve the issue on the spot 就是我就是现在要解决这个问题 But the other get scared, and he hide away 可是另一方很害怕冲突 躲起来 When he or she hides 当他躲起来 另一方 The one that is doing the chase feel rejected 那个追的人就觉得很被拒绝 And they feel hurt or lonely 然后会觉得很受伤很孤单 As if they were left alone 好像被撇下来 Because the other person keep hiding 因为对方就是躲起来 They just won't communicate 就是不愿意沟通 He or she won't stop 他不是会停下来 And the chasing one will chase harder 追的人会追得更紧 He or she wants to take a stick 很想拿一根棍子 And force the other person out of the hole 把对方从洞里面抽出来 It's this kind of feeling 就是这种感觉
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So, the game of chase and retreat 所以追跟逃的这种游戏 I think it's the most harmful in the patterns of conflict 我觉得是在冲突模式里面 I think it's the most harmful in the patterns of conflict 这是最有杀伤力的 It's also the most damaging way to relationships 这也是最耗损情感的一种方式 So, for the above four ways 所以以上四种可以看到 The obstacles to a win win communication are these four very difficult conflicts 双赢的这个拦阻就是这四种 The obstacles to a win win communication are these four very difficult conflicts 非常困难的冲突 They are bad patterns that damage intimate relationships 很不好很破坏亲密关系的沟通模式 Then, let's take a look at 那我们再来我们要看看 A win win communication 双赢的沟通 How to communicate and listen 怎么样表达跟倾听 When I do pre marriage counseling, I always say 我在做婚前辅导 我通常会说 "You need the ability" 你要有能力 "To clearly express your needs" 很清楚的表达自己的需要 "Don't let the other person guess" 不要让对方去猜 "Because if you don't understand yourself" 因为连你自己都搞不懂自己 "How can you expect the other person to have a correct guess on you?" 你怎么能够期待对方 "How can you expect the other person to have a correct guess on you?" 可以猜得准确呢 So, everyone has to be responsible for themselves 所以每一个人要为自己负责 You need to understand your own condition 你自己要能够去了解自己的状态 And able to express it clearly in words 能够很清楚用言语去表达 And also learn to listen 那也要能够学习很好的去倾听
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To people's real difficulty and struggles 别人真正的困难 挣扎 And what their emotions are 跟他的情绪到底是什么 We need to learn this 这是很需要学习的 So, there are a few rules for expression and listening 所以有几个表达跟倾听的规则 The first one is a rule for both sides 第一个是给双方的一个规则 The rule for both sides is that 给双方的规则就是 The expresser has the right to speak 表达者拥有发言权 Have you seen people in arguments 有没有看过在吵架 Before the other person finished talking, he or she got interrupted 通常对方都还没有讲完就被打断 Right? One of them was still talking 有没有 讲一半 对方 And arguments between spouses, the wife started to talk 然后夫妻吵架 太太讲一半 And the husband started to argue or explain 先生就开始辩论 开始解释 Then? 然后呢 No one gets to finish their point 没有一个人能够好好的讲完 And no one listen to what the other is saying 也没有一个人能够好好的听完 And no one listen to what the other is saying 对方在说什么 So, we need a common rule for the game 所以要有一个共同的游戏规则就是 That is we need to give the right to talk to the other person 要能够让对方拥有发言权 But we also need the right to talk 但是也要分享发言权 When I finish talking, you get to talk about your feelings 我讲完 那换你可以讲讲你的感觉 Just like Pastor Samuel and I 就像前面我跟修哥 We have this kind of sharing between us 我们彼此之间有这样子的分享 We have different ways of communication 我们有不同的沟通的方式 After I shared about my feeling, he could share his 我讲完我的感觉 他也可以分享
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Then, we can face the problem 然后我们才能够去面对问题 So 所以呢 The point is in the entire communication 重点在整个沟通 In the process of expression and listening 在表达跟倾听的过程 The key is in listening and understanding 最重要是在倾听跟了解 Dr. Huang, Wei Ren said it, right? 黄维仁博士讲的 对不对 That is, in understanding, there is love and healing 就是在了解当中才会有爱跟医治 This is very important 这是非常的重要 And I remember there was one event 那我记得我们曾经发生过一件事 When I had my birthday 有一次我的生日 Unfortunately it was on a Sunday 很不巧就在礼拜天 It's easy to remember my birthday 你知道我的生日很好记的 Everyone celebrates this day 普天同庆 But Pastor Samuel on that day 可是修哥那天 October 10th 十月十号 What happened on that day? 然后那天发生什么事情 He forgot about it 完全忘记 I totally forgot about it 完全忘记了 That was serious 非常的严重 It's ok 那忘记也没关系 I forgave you because it was Sunday 我可以体谅礼拜天 He was focusing on preparing the sermon 他真的是很专注在预备讲道 But when the meeting was over 但是 这个聚会完我们要回去了 He said 他就说 "How about we celebrate tonight?" 那不然晚上我们来庆祝一下 And he said something very unwise 然后他就讲了一句很不该说的话 He said, "What do you want to eat for dinner?" 他就说 那晚餐妳想要吃什么 You know wives want their husbands to have everything prepared for them. Right? 你知道太太都很希望 You know wives want their husbands to have everything prepared for them. Right? 先生预备好整个生日的场景 对不对
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Restaurant booked. Flowers ready 餐厅订好 花订好 That means you value me 这样表示你很用心 That was my self dialogue 这是我心里的自我对话 So I wasn't very happy 但是后来我很不开心 Later I asked him, and he said 后来我问他 他说什么 "The reason why I asked for your opinion" 他说 为什么我问妳想要吃什么 "Is because I didn't want to choose a restaurant that you don't like" 那是因为我很怕我选的餐厅 He did it out of kindness 妳不喜欢 所以他还是好意 It wasn't because he didn't want to choose a restaurant 他真的不是不愿意帮我选餐厅 He wanted me to feel respected 他想要尊重我 But if we didn't give each other a chance to communicate and explain 但是如果我们没有 But if we didn't give each other a chance to communicate and explain 让对方有充分的表达跟沟通 We could easily let the anger burn 就很容易让这个怒气 We could easily let the anger burn 一直的下去 And ruin the whole night 然后那整个晚餐就毁掉了 Thank God that we had a good communication in the car 还好我们在车上就有很好的沟通 So I understand. Ok 然后我就了解 ok He wasn't being cold to me. But I read it as, 他不是不用心 如果我自己解释 "You don't value me" 我会说 那你就是不用心 So he wanted to respect me 可是他真的是想尊重我 And let me choose what I want to eat 让我选择我想吃的东西 I think oftentimes in terms of communication 所以我想很多时候在沟通上面 We all need to be listeners 我们都需要当倾听者 We also need to be a good expresser 我们也需要当一个很好的表达者
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So after we finish talking and listening 当我们彼此讲完倾听完 We can then face the problems 我们就能够来面对问题 Second, a principle for the expresser is 第二个给表达者的一个 Speak up for oneself 一个原则就是 要为自己发言 Don't try to read one's mind 不要使用读心术 Speak up for yourself 就是你要为自己发言 Don't jump into conclusion 你不要说你就是怎样 "You don't value me" 你就是不用心 "You are inconsiderate" 你就是都没有替我想 "You don't care" 你就是不在意 These kind of words usually stop the communication 那这种句子通常 These kind of words usually stop the communication 没有办法再沟通下去 To speak up for oneself means 为自己发言就是 Like the example I said 像我刚刚讲的例子 I said, "You asked me which restaurant do I want to go" 我就会说 你问我 I said, "You asked me which restaurant do I want to go" 要不要去哪个餐厅 My interpretation was, "You don't value me" 我的感觉就是 你并不用心 "You are being sloppy to this" 你对这件事情有点轻慢 有点随便 "That is how I feel" 这是我的感觉 Then he can understand 然后他就可以 Give each other room to communicate or speak up their mind 就是要给彼此有沟通的空间 Give each other room to communicate or speak up their mind 发言的空间 He said, "I didn't mean that, I just want you to eat your favorite food" 他就跟我说不是 我是希望妳能够 He said, "I didn't mean that, I just want you to eat your favorite food" 吃到妳喜欢的东西 Therefore we need to 那所以这个我们需要 An expresser must not make presumptions about this person and defines him as that 在一个表达者不要假设对方
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An expresser must not make presumptions about this person and defines him as that 一定是怎样 然后就认定是这样 And leave him no room to explain 就完全不让他解释 Nor believing his explanation 也不相信他的解释 Many spouses are like that 很多夫妻是这样 You might say, "But I think" 你讲 可是我就认为 "From my perspective, I am right" 我的主观 我的感觉是对的 "Whatever else you say is just an excuse" 你再讲我都是觉得你在辩解 Then you can't keep this conversation going 那这样就很难再谈下去 So you need to speak up for yourself 所以要为自己发言 The other must also listen 对方也要倾听 When you talk don't give them a long speech 但是你发言的时候不要长篇大论 Because they might zone out and can't catch your point 因为可能听到后来就已经恍神 Because they might zone out and can't catch your point 不知道重点在哪里 And you need to stop 还有要停下来 Let other repeat and reconfirm what he heard 让对方可以复述一下 Let other repeat and reconfirm what he heard 他刚刚听的是不是这样 There is a common communication issue 很多时候在沟通有个问题 I threw a red ball to him 我丢了一个红球过去 But he received a yellow ball 他收到是一颗黄色的球 This is very likely 这是非常有可能 I said something, but he read it in a negative way because he is wearing a tinted lenses 我这样讲 可是因为他有他的滤镜 I said something, but he read it in a negative way because he is wearing a tinted lenses 他有他的负面解读 So I said in this way 所以当我这样说 But he might read it differently 有可能他的解读是不一样 When Pastor Samuel said 就像修哥他说 "You choose a restaurant" 让妳选餐厅 I read it as, "You don't value me" 可是我听到就是你不用心 Because I was wearing my tinted lens 因为我有我的泸镜在里面 Therefore we need to repeat again 那所以我们需要
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Therefore we need to repeat again 能够再复述说 "What did you hear?" 你刚听到我说的是什么 I remember one time 我记得有一次 At that time we had two small kids 我们那时候有两个小孩 We were busy at home until evening 然后家里非常的忙乱到傍晚 You know small children at evening 你知道小孩在傍晚 Evening is the most likely time for a family conflict to happen 你知道傍晚是家庭冲突 Evening is the most likely time for a family conflict to happen 最有可能的场景 Because both the mother and kids are tired 因为妈妈累了 小孩累了 The kids are hungry and the mother needs to prepare the dinner 小孩也饿了 妈妈又要准备晚餐 And the father is tired after work 然后爸爸下班回来也累了 Evening is the most likely time for a family conflict to happen 其实傍晚是家庭冲突的 Evening is the most likely time for a family conflict to happen 最有可能的场景 I remember when Pastor Samuel got home 我记得那次修哥回家 I said to him 我就跟他说 "I really want you to spend some time with me when you get off work" 我很希望你下班的时候 "I really want you to spend some time with me when you get off work" 可以陪我一下 Because I'm glad that you are home 因为我很高兴他回来 I remember the answered he gave me was 那我记得那时候他有一个回答 Do you remember what you said? 他说 你还记得你说什么吗 I said, "I'm tired after work" 我说 我上班很累 "You want me to spend time with you" 妳要我回来就陪妳 "Do you want me to park the car and take a nap before I come home?" 难道妳希望我把车停在路边 "Do you want me to park the car and take a nap before I come home?" 睡一下再回家吗 See? Every wife would be mad by hearing that 对吧 这每一个太太听了 See? Every wife would be mad by hearing that 马上火冒三丈 这样子 However, he was making a point 但是 讲的也是有道理啦
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Because indeed, I was tired and he was tired 因为确实 我累了 他也累了 So what then? In our communication that time 后来呢 那一次我们沟通的时候 I told him 我就跟他说 "What I really mean is" 因为我想要表达的意思是 "I want you to show concern for me first" 我希望你可以先来关照我一下 "I know you are tired after work" 我会觉得你下班回来 "I know you are tired after work" 我累 你也累 "But give me a hug first" 可是我们先有一点拥抱 "That feels good" 这种感觉是很好的 But the message he received was 但是呢 他收到的讯息就是 "You're being inconsiderate, I'm tired too" 妳不够体贴 我也很累啊 "When I got home, I'm exhausted" 我回来 我已经没有力气了 "I want to take a rest too" 我也想休息 This is often the cause of family conflicts 很多时候家庭的冲突是这样 Later I said to him 所以后来我跟他说 "This is easy" 其实很简单 "Just give me one minute" 你给我一分钟 "When you come home, give me a hug" 你回家的时候 你先抱我一下 "And tell me, ‘I appreciate your effort'" 然后跟我说 辛苦了 "Then I will tell you to get some sleep" 然后我就会说 请你去睡觉 "I'll wake you up when dinner's ready" 吃晚餐我会叫你 Then he said, "Good" 然后他就说 赞 "This is easy, I can do it" 这个好简单 这个我会 "Because it only needs one minute" 因为只有一分钟 Usually the command I gave him can be done in one minute 我通常给他的指令 Usually the command I gave him can be done in one minute 都一分钟可以做到 He would do it immediately 马上他就会做 But later he often stayed with me in the kitchen for more than 30 minutes 但后来好像都陪我 But later he often stayed with me in the kitchen for more than 30 minutes 在厨房三十分钟以上 I didn't demand him 我并没有要求他 Naturally 他自然就
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He thought that was a good idea too 他觉得这样也还不错这样子 Very often 所以很多时候 We need to make sure that we heard the right thing 我们需要确保彼此听到的是对的 He might heard what I said but read it differently 有时我这样讲他听成另外一个 We need to clarify, "No, but this is what I mean" 我们需要澄清说 不是 We need to clarify, "No, but this is what I mean" 我的意思是这样 Later he understood 后来他也听懂 He said, "I can do that" 他说 那这样可以我做得到 "This is easy" 这是很容易的 And give the listener some rules 还有给倾听者一些规则 First, repeat what he or she heard. Very important 第一个复述所听到的 很重要 We often mistaken what we heard from people 有时候你听别人讲话 We often mistaken what we heard from people 很多时候都有误解 I meant this but he read it differently 像我的意思是这样他会听成那意思 So you must listen and ask 所以你要听说 "Is this what you mean?" 你刚刚说的意思是不是这样 "I think this is what you're saying" 刚刚表达的人要说的是我觉得 "My opinion is this", sentences like these 这件事我觉得怎么样 这样的句子 The listener must say 倾听的人 要说 "From what I heard, is this what you mean?" 我刚刚听到你这样说是不是这样 I think this give us a chance to clarify 我想这就是一个 I think this give us a chance to clarify 我们可以来澄清的机会 This part is very important 那我想这个部分很重要 Don't get angry and start to refute when you heard only half of the story 不要马上听到一半 Don't get angry and start to refute when you heard only half of the story 生气了 马上辩论 马上反驳 You can't be a good listener if you do that 然后这样就没有办法
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You can't be a good listener if you do that 做到真正的倾听 True listening is 真正的倾听就是 You lay down your tinted lenses 放下自己的滤镜 You lay down your prejudice 放下自己的成见 You listen carefully what he really means 仔细的听对方他真正的意思是什么 You need to believe him 我们要相信对方 He really feels that way 他真的是那样的感觉 Oftentimes in our own family 很多时候在家人之间 We are not willing nor allow others to have their own feelings 我们不愿意 We are not willing nor allow others to have their own feelings 也不容许别人有他自己的感觉 We think they ought to act like this or that 我们就觉得我认为你应该怎样 Actually he is not you 其实他不是你 He can have his own feelings 他可以拥有他的感觉 If he feel hurt, he feels hurt 他觉得受伤就受伤 If he feel sad, he feels sad 他觉得难过就是难过 That is real, that is his feeling 那是很真实 那就是他的感觉 You need to accept and have empathy 你要去接纳 然后去同理 You need to understand. You may not agree 然后去了解 不一定你认同 But you can understand and have the empathy 可是你可以同理跟了解说 "He really feels that way" 他真的有这样的感觉 "He really needs my concern for him" 他真的很需要我的关心 "He really needs my help and time" 他真的很需要我一点时间的帮助 I think we need to learn all of these 我想这一些都是我们要学习的 About communication strategies for a win win situation 关于沟通 关于双赢的沟通 About how to be an expresser or a listener 关于当一个表达者 一个倾听者
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Or to create a good and secure communication atmosphere 一个良好的安全性的沟通的氛围 I want to share with you, probably one of the most in depth communication between Pastor Samuel and I 我要分享一个我跟修哥之间 I want to share with you, probably one of the most in depth communication between Pastor Samuel and I 应该是我们做过一次最深度的沟通 I've got his consent 我有经过修哥的同意 We want to share with you openly 我们很敞开跟大家分享 I remember one thing happened to us 我记得那个时候我们发生一件事情 Pastor Samuel was busy at work 就是修哥那时候工作很忙 And he was also ministering 然后他同时有服事 We had a small organization 那我们有一个小小的机构 Which was called the Banner Mission Team 就是那时候是应该是旌旗使命团 While it was still Banner Mission Team 还是旌旗使命团的时候 We had two workers and they were both female 我们有两个同工都是女孩子 I was busy taking care of our children 那时候我照顾小孩子非常的忙 When Pastor Samuel got off work 然后修哥下班 He still got much work to do 他有很多工作 And much of his work were taken care by two young sisters 然后都是两位姊妹的同工 And much of his work were taken care by two young sisters 年轻的姊妹的同工在帮他 One of the sisters often stayed overnight at our home when it got late 那其中有一个姊妹常常很晚 One of the sisters often stayed overnight at our home when it got late 她就不回家 就住我们家 I was ok with that 那这也没有关系 But one day 那我记得有一天就是 Because the office was in our house 因为办公室也在我家 The entire office was in our house 那个 我们那时候整个办公室
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The entire office was in our house 就在我们家 That day 然后那一天 I was busy taking care of my children in the evening 我记得晚上我照顾孩子 I was busy taking care of my children in the evening 两个孩子很忙 I walked to the living room, it was late 我走到客厅 很晚了 It was about 11 o'clock 十一点吧 They sat there and still discussing things 他们两个还坐在那里讨论事情 And they didn't greet me when I passed by 然后我走过去他没有跟我打招呼 Maybe they were too focused, they didn't invite me to sit down 可能太专心了 Maybe they were too focused, they didn't invite me to sit down 也没有邀请我坐下来 Suddenly I felt being disrespected 瞬间我里面就觉得很不被尊重 And I felt 然后我就觉得 I should talk to him about the boundary between man and woman 好像应该在跟男女之间的界线 I should talk to him about the boundary between man and woman 我应该好好的跟他谈一下 I remember our communication that time didn't go well 我记得那一次我们第一次的沟通 I remember our communication that time didn't go well 没有很好 I wasn't a good expresser 我不是好的表达者 He wasn't a good listener either 他也不是好的倾听者 I said to him in a bad mood 因为我有情绪所以我就跟他说 "I feel being disrespected" 我觉得我很不被尊重 "It was late, why are you two still there alone?" 为什么这么晚 "It was late, why are you two still there alone?" 你们还单独在那里 "And you didn't greet me or invite me to sit when I passed by" 然后我走过去 你也不跟我 "And you didn't greet me or invite me to sit when I passed by" 不跟我打招呼也不邀请我坐下来 He also became moody 那时候他也很有情绪 He was defensive, he said 他也很防卫 他就说 "You need to trust me" 妳要信任我 "I didn't have that intention" 我根本就没有那个意思 So he started to explain 就开始解释 You know, I have been living with the best First Speaker of a debate team for 30 some years 你们要知道我是跟最佳主辩
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You know, I have been living with the best First Speaker of a debate team for 30 some years 生活了三十几年 Pastor Samuel was the best First Speaker in the army's debate contest 修哥以前在军中去辩论比赛 Pastor Samuel was the best First Speaker in the army's debate contest 是最佳主辩 That's why I have a clear logic 所以我现在逻辑很清楚 He trained me 被他训练出来 He said, "I didn't mean that at all" 他就说 我没有那个意思 "Not even one bit". He explained 我完全没有 我完全 他解释 He didn't have any bad thought or intention 他是完全没有不好的想法跟动机 Nor that kind of idea 也没那种看法 I felt that I misunderstood him 他觉得我误解他 But what I really wanted to express was 但是我真正要表达 I didn't suspect his integrity 不是我误会他跟那个姊妹的关系 But I think their boundary isn't very good 我觉得那样的界线是不太好的 So I went to calm myself down 后来我就去安静下来 The conflict was great, it needed to be paused 你知道冲突很大要暂停一下 We had to leave and calmed ourselves down 我们必须要离开现场大家安静一下 To think clearly and then do the talking 想清楚然后再来沟通 So I was thinking 后来我就想一想 What exactly do I want him to understand 我真正希望他了解的是什么 Oftentimes the expressers 很多时候我们表达的人 We must first have the ability to clarify our events, feelings and emotions 要先能够有能力 We must first have the ability to clarify our events, feelings and emotions 梳理自己的事件 感觉跟情绪 And then what exactly is the message that I want him to receive 然后我真正希望 And then what exactly is the message that I want him to receive 他收到的讯息是什么 Later we spent a long time 后来我们又花了一个很长的时间
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We sat down and talked in a calm manner 我们坐下来 We sat down and talked in a calm manner 心平气和的我们好好沟通 I said to him 我跟他说 "Actually I trust you" 其实我很信任你 "I know you love me" 我知道你很爱我 "There's no question about it, I trust you" 这是无庸置疑 我很信任你 But I said to him 但是我跟他说 "Please don't forget that you are still very attractive" 你不要忘记你还很有魅力 "Please don't forget that you are still very attractive" 你还很有魅力 "Don't tempt the weak conscious of others" 不要试探别人软弱的良心 "You don't mean it" 万一你没有那个意思 "But you are giving her room for that" 可是你给她很多这样的空间 "If she stumbled" 万一她跌倒了 "Will you have to be responsible for her?" 你要不要为她负责 He understood what I said 这样他就听懂了 And he has been doing a good job, right? 他后来做得很好 对吗 Since then until we pastor the church 从那之后 Since then until we pastor the church 一直到牧会 My boundary between male and female is very clear 我跟男女的关系界线非常清楚 Pastor Samuel is wonderful 修哥 他真的是 那次我们 I am grateful to God 我是很感谢神 That happened before we established the church 那是在我们建立教会之前 Thank God for that conflict 我很感谢神让我们有那一次的冲突 And an in depth communication 跟那一次的深度的沟通 I felt it was a great learning experience 我觉得是很棒的一个学习 I felt that Pastor May had a great point 我觉得晶玫姊那时候跟我讲的很好 She believed that I never had the intention of having an affair 就是说 她相信我 She believed that I never had the intention of having an affair 没有想要婚外情的这种意图 I'm very grateful for her trust 我很感谢她对我的信任
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But what she wanted to express was 但是 很重要是她要表达是 I can't give someone else this room 可是我不能够给人这种空间 Maybe you don't have the intention 你可能没有这种意图 But if you don't set a healthy boundary 可是你如果没有把界线立好 Others could be tempted 别人可能会有这样子的 被试探 Or fall into this kind of feeling 或进入这样子一种感觉的里面 Then I would be responsible for that 那我也是有责任 I understood it then 这样子我就听懂了 I knew it, yes 我就知道 对 I must not give other's this imaginary space 我不能够给别人这种想象的空间 So I agreed 那我就觉得 是的 I felt that I didn't set the boundaries clear enough 我觉得我不够把界线立得很清楚 I felt that this incident was very helpful 我觉得那个事件 对我后来牧会 For both of my ministry and church building 建立教会有很大的帮助 The boundary between any sister 我跟姊妹之间的界线 I'd have to be especially cautious 我就立得特别谨慎 It was a great revelation 我觉得这是很大的看见 帮助 So ever since that talk 所以那次的沟通 It was very helpful for both of us 对我们两个有很大的帮助 Okay, so I believe 好 所以我觉得 I have a wise wife 智慧的老婆 Please give Pastor May a round of applause, ok? 给晶玫姊一个掌声好吗 It was a very memorable talk 我觉得那是一个 It was a very memorable talk 印象很深刻的沟通 But it was an excellent communication 但是我觉得是很棒的一个沟通 I've also learned 我觉得我也学习 To sort out and clarify my chaotic emotions and feelings 把里面自己很混乱的情绪跟感觉 To sort out and clarify my chaotic emotions and feelings 很好的去梳理清楚
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And then I'll talk to her 然后再好好的跟他谈 In fact it wasn't that she couldn't listen nor be changed 那其实他并不是不能听 In fact it wasn't that she couldn't listen nor be changed 也不是不能改变 It's just that I need to express myself clearly 只是我需要很清楚的表达 And she listens 然后他也很好的去倾听 Then this problem in our relationship would be constructive 然后这问题在我们的关系里面 Then this problem in our relationship would be constructive 是很有建设性的 And we can protect our relationship 我们就能够来保护彼此的关系 So when we talk about how to have a win win situation in a conflict 所以我想今天谈到 So when we talk about how to have a win win situation in a conflict 在冲突里面怎么样双赢 What we've said is just a foundation 我们刚刚谈到一个是根基 That is do not have strife 就是要不可相争 We need to try out best to love one another 就是我们要竭立保守 We need to try out best to love one another 要彼此相爱的心 So that we'll have the motivation to change 才有动能去做突破跟改变 We've also talked about 那刚刚也谈到 Obstacles to a win win situation 双赢的一些拦阻 There're four very destructive communication patterns 有四个非常破坏性的沟通模式 They're very damaging to an intimate relationship 那是很破坏亲密关系 It may happen every day 可能每一天都在上演 Every day, there are some attacks that is depleting our intimate relationships 每一天都有一些日常的攻击 Every day, there are some attacks that is depleting our intimate relationships 在耗损我们的亲密关系 Whether it's parent child, married couples, 不管是亲子 还是夫妻 Or brothers and sisters. It may happen 还是兄弟姊妹 这都有可能的 We've also talked about communication strategies for a win win situation 那我们刚刚也谈到双赢的沟通 How to be a good expresser? 怎么样做一个很好的表达者 How to be a good listener? 怎么样做一个很好的倾听者
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Each person is able to clearly express his or her feelings 每一个人都能够把心里 Each person is able to clearly express his or her feelings 真实的感受跟需要清楚的表达 And the other person can listen intently 对方也能够 很认真 专注的倾听 Then they have the empathy to accept each other 然后才能够同理 彼此接纳 So eventually they can solve problems together 然后才能够来一起解决问题 Lastly, I'd like Pastor Samuel to share 那最后我想请修哥分享一下 What are the keys to a win win situation? 那双赢的关键是什么呢 I believe the keys to a win win situation 我认为要双赢的关键 Communication strategies for a win win situation 沟通双赢的关键 It's continue to accept and forgive one another I know that between family members 我知道在家人之间 Sometimes that wound is very deep 有时候那个伤害是很深的 Sometimes it's like rubbing salt on the wound 有时候是不断的在伤口上面撒盐 So this is truly an uneasy task 所以这真的是不容易的一件事情 But talking about forgiveness and acceptance 但是讲到宽恕 讲到接纳 The Bible has many important Scriptures 圣经有很多重要的经文 Let's read this following Scripture, shall we? Please 我们一起来读下面这段圣经节好吗 来 In fact it means 其实就是
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Please repeat after me: Constant forgiving 请你跟我说 要不断的饶恕 In fact this is what Jesus meant 其实耶稣的意思就是 If you're thinking, 不是如果你心里想说 "I'll just forgive him this one time" 我就原谅他一次就好 Then it'd be very difficult to solve a problem 那这样子是很难真正解决问题的 You need to have a very important foundation 你要有一个很重要的根基就是 "I'm willing to learn to forgive continuously" 我愿意学习不断的饶恕 But sometimes we'd feel 可是有时候我们会觉得说 "You have no idea how much I was hurt!" 可是你不知道我受到多大的伤害 "You don't know how badly he has hurt me" 你不知道对方多深的伤害我 "How can I just forgive him so easily?" 我怎么可能这样轻轻的就放过他 "How can I just forgive him so easily?" 原谅他呢 Later I felt 后来我觉得 The parable that Jesus said 对我来讲耶稣讲的这个比喻是 It was the greatest help for me to learn about forgiveness 对我学习饶恕一个最大的帮助 Let's read this passage in the Gospel of Matthew 我们来读马太福音的这一段 It's long but let's read it. Please 稍微有点长但我们还是来读一下 来
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Okay, let's read the latter part of this Scripture. Please 好 我们再来读后面这段圣经节 来 Every time when I think about forgiveness 每次我想到饶恕这个议题的时候 I think about this parable of Jesus 我就想到耶稣做的这个比喻 In fact we can't afford not to forgive those who sin against us 其实我们承担不起 In fact we can't afford not to forgive those who sin against us 不饶恕那些得罪我们的人 Because if we don't forgive them 因为如果不饶恕他们 The Bible says the Father won't forgive our sins either 圣经说 天父就不饶恕我们的过犯 We can't afford that 我们承担不起天父不饶恕我们 I don't know if you agree or not 我不知道你同不同意 This parable says 这地方的比喻是 Ten million to ten 一千万比十 That is one million to one 那就是一百万比一 We forgiving others is like "one" 你赦免别人好像一 But God forgives our "one million" 天父赦免我们是一百万 One to one million 一比一百万 Which one is the better deal? 你觉得谁比较划算 Please repeat after me: We have the better deal 请你跟我 我们赚到了 We truly have 我们真的是 But if you don't forgive that "one" 但是如果你不愿意去原谅那个一 Then God won't forgive our "one million" 那么一百万神也不原谅我们 So I would like to encourage everyone again 所以我想在这里 Learn to forgive 再次的鼓励所有的人 学习宽恕
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Not just once 而且我要讲不是一次 But forgive constantly 是不断的饶恕 Of course you don't need to count up to 490 当然你也不用算四百九十次 "Alright, I've reached 490 times" 好了到四百九十次 "I won't forgive you again" 我不再原谅你 I don't think that's what Jesus meant 我想不是这个意思 I don't think that's what Jesus meant 耶稣的意思是 Constantly be willing to forgive 不断不断的 Constantly be willing to forgive 愿意继续的饶恕 Be willing to constantly accept and forgive 愿意不断的去接纳跟饶恕 I believe this is a very important choice 我想这是一种非常重要的一个选择 Therefore, forgiveness is a choice 所以饶恕是一种选择 It allows us to reconcile 是让我们可以重修旧好 Especially when it comes to our kinsmen 特别是我们是骨肉 We're a family, we need to learn to forgive 我们是家人 我们真的要学习饶恕 I know it's easier said than done 我知道讲起来很简单 I know it's easier said than done 操作起来不是那么容易 But if we're willing to learn 但是如果我们愿意学习 God will help us 神一定会帮助我们 Whether the other person forgives you or not 我觉得对方饶不饶恕 原不原谅你 That's his choice 是对方的选择 But if you choose to forgive 但是你愿意选择饶恕 Then it's between you and God 那么这是你自己跟神之间的关系 So forgiveness brings the action of healing 所以饶恕带来医治的行动 It's being responsible for your own actions 为自己的行为负责任 I trust when you're willing to choose forgiveness 我相信当你愿意选择饶恕的时候 God will make a way, He will open doors for you 神会为你开路 神会为你开门
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Ok? Let's pray together 好不好 我们一起来祷告一下 In my spirit I feel 在我灵里面我真的觉得 Whether you're in our branches or online 我们在 不论在分堂点 或在在线 For those who heard this message 听到这篇信息的人 Some of you are badly hurt by your family 有人你被家人伤得很深 You might say, "Pastor, you have no idea?" 你会觉得说 牧师你不知道 "They've hurt me so much" 他们多么伤害我 "I've really tried to forgive before" 我真的愿意 我真的试着饶恕过 "But I just can't do it" 可是我真的做不到 Today I want to encourage these people 但是我今天特别要鼓励这样子的人 I see an image 我看到一个图像就是 When you're willing to take a step into the Jordan River 当你愿意把脚踩到约旦河水的时候 The river would rise and become a fortress 约旦河水就立起成垒 I feel that this time 我觉得这一次 If you say to God 如果你跟神说 "Lord, I'm willing to forgive" 主啊 我愿意选择饶恕 "But I just can't do it" 但是我真的做不到 "I don't know what to do either" 我也不知道该怎么做 "Please help me" 请祢帮助我 I believe God will give you an idea 我相信神会给你一个意念 Consider what you can do 看你应该可以怎么做 Perhaps write a message on LINE or on a card 也许写一个line 写一个卡片 Write a message to your family 写一段话给你的家人 Perhaps express your forgiveness towards them 也许表达对他们的宽恕 Acceptance towards them 对他们的接纳 And you forgive them 还有对他们的原谅 Then I believe this action 那我相信这个行动 It will bring an incredible result 会带来你意想不到的结果
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I believe God has a special grace for you 我相信神有格外的恩典要给你 So I want to encourage these people 所以我要鼓励这样子的人 Restore your relationship with your family 来恢复跟你家人的关系 You take the responsibility to act 你为你自己的行动负责任 Then leave the results to God 然后结果交给神 Let God do what He has to do 让神做祂要做的事情 I believe God will surely help you 我相信神一定要帮助你 Let your relationship with your family be restored 让你跟家人恢复关系 And have a good communication between you and your family 而且让你们之间有好的沟通 So that a wonderful relationship between you and your family can be restored 真的能够恢复跟家人之间 So that a wonderful relationship between you and your family can be restored 美好的关系 I ask God to fill this grace among us 我求神把这个恩典 I ask God to fill this grace among us 充满在我们当中 Okay, then I also want to invite those 好 那 我也要邀请 If you've never accepted God in your life 如果你从来还没有接受过 If you've never accepted God in your life 上帝在你生命中饶恕的 I want to invite you to say a prayer with me 那我要邀请你跟我做一个祷告 To ask God to forgive us, ok? 来请求天父对我们的宽恕 好吗 Through this prayer 那透过这样子 I believe God will forgive our sins 我相信神要赦免我们的罪 And all our trespasses 饶恕我们一切的过犯 I want to invite this kind of people 我要邀请这样的人 You may say the following prayer with me 可以来跟我做下面的祷告 Dear Lord Jesus, 亲爱的主耶稣 At this moment 在这个时候 I'm willing to open my heart 我愿意打开我的心 I invite You to come into my heart 邀请祢进到我的心中来 Please forgive my sins 求祢赦免我的罪
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And forgive all my trespasses 宽恕我一切的过犯 And also give me the strength 也求祢赐给我力量 To forgive those who have wronged me 可以宽恕那些得罪我的人 I pray in the name of Jesus Christ 我这样子祷告 I pray in the name of Jesus Christ 是奉耶稣基督的名 Amen 阿们 I want to say congratulations 我要非常的恭喜 To those who have just prayed with me 刚刚跟我做祷告的人 I believe God will give you strength 我相信神要给你力量 First, God will let you experience His forgiveness 让你可以经历第一个上帝的宽恕 Second, God will also give you strength 第二个上帝也会让你有力量 To forgive those who have wronged you 去宽恕那些得罪你的人 Especially your family 特别是你的家人 I want to encourage you 我特别要鼓励你 When you're willing to try it 让你愿意这样子试着去做的时候 God will be with you 神一定与你同在 God will perform miracles in your home 神会在你家里面行做奇妙的事情 Your family relationships will have a wonderful restoration 你的家人关系 Your family relationships will have a wonderful restoration 会有非常美好的恢复 I ask God to bless you greatly, Hallelujah 我求上帝大大的祝福你 哈利路亚 Okay, I invite everyone 好 邀请各位家人们 Let's use this song to respond to our God 我们一起用这首歌 Let's use this song to respond to our God 来回应我们的神
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I invite the family members who are watching this online streaming 我邀请在在线收看直播的家人 Please stand up from your seats 可以这时候从你的位子上站立起来 Let's keep worship our God with this song 继续用这首诗歌来敬拜我们的神
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Dear Abba Father 亲爱的阿爸父神 In Your name I bless 我再次奉祢名祝福 Every Banner Church family members, friend, brother and sister 每一位旌旗家人朋友弟兄姊妹 Whether you're watching this Sunday Service online or at the various branches 不论在在线 在所有的分堂点 Whether you're watching this Sunday Service online or at the various branches 收看这个主日讯息的人 I declare a win win communication will fill among our families 我宣告 一个双赢的沟通 I declare a win win communication will fill among our families 要充满在我们的家人当中 In our lives 在我们的生命当中 We will experience Your abundant grace 我们都要经历主祢诸多的恩典 Among us 在我们的当中 Please help us to have the ability to forgive 也帮助我们有宽恕的能力 The ability to accept and listen 接纳的能力 有倾听的能力 And the ability to communicate 有沟通的能力 Let us be able to clearly express how we truly feel inside 让我们能够清楚正确的 Let us be able to clearly express how we truly feel inside 表达我们内心真实的感受 And be able to accept and listen to our beloved family members 也能够接纳倾听我们的 And be able to accept and listen to our beloved family members 所爱的家人 Let every family be filled with joy and happiness 让我们每一个家庭 Let every family be filled with joy and happiness 都充满幸福 充满快乐 I declare this blessing to be filled in everyone 我们宣告这样的祝福 I declare this blessing to be filled in everyone 充满在每一位人的身上 And in every family 每一个家庭的当中 We pray 祷告 宣告 祝福 In Jesus name 都是奉耶稣基督的名 Amen 阿们

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