Phim Cuộc Đời Của Wayne HD (FULL Season 1) - WAYNE - Phim Hành Động Hài Hước Mỹ - EN

00:11

[Music] what screw up you [ __ ] freak i said go get the [ __ ] out of here what the [ __ ] you [ __ ]

01:18

hey who did that huh who the [ __ ] did that you break my window you [ __ ] break my window huh why don't you hit me little [ __ ] answer me what the [ __ ] get the [ __ ] out of here before i [ __ ] kill you

02:18

man what the [ __ ] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] hey boy come here hey you hear me boy i want to talk to you i'm eating my lunch your father is not

03:03

answering the door i need my writing that son of a [ __ ] is ducking me no they can't answer you sick i don't give two shits sick and not he's still got to pay his rent hey i'll get it might not even be your dad i mean i don't know lots of guys running out of that house [Laughter] where the [ __ ] you going you [ __ ] get back

03:50

[Music] what what i sell you some goddamn cookies is what sorry my my dad's sleeping well why the hell didn't you just say that then shoot and you why is your dad sleeping in the middle of the day anymore he lazy no he's got cancer or can people with cancer silly cookies or whatever he even eat much lately what about you you like cookies or as weird as you look i like cookies

04:24

great we got a peanut butter kind of coconut kind which tastes like dog [ __ ] my opinion some people like them and uh there's lemon so [Music] uh you want to come in ain't gonna do anything weird right i wear like white like some guy down on tory asks if you could see my feet i don't wanna see your feet yeah whatever it's fine i guess so uh you like music yeah

05:22

most i like rap [Music] so you got a boyfriend not really you want me to be a boyfriend i don't know i'll tell you pretty uh very tall here did you back up against mine or what like this dummy

06:08

you got brothers or sisters uh brother i think what do you mean i think he's in the marines and now he hasn't caught in a while so also he kills people then that's what they do there i guess cool you got it brother too well they do they're [ __ ] okay uh was i tall enough i said you're gonna be my girlfriend or whatever you're gonna buy some cookies or whatever i wanna i don't get any money so guess something

06:59

then find me i'm in the [ __ ] on [Music] norton [Music] wayne where you been i'm like 20 minutes late like 20 minutes in three weeks you still want to buy my nunchucks the real deal legit ones

07:41

from japan hell yeah i just unloaded some rare pokemon [ __ ] so i'm flush right now all right come on you're saying my love oh hold up hold up hey girl got your back with some starbucks sandwiches i'll see you at lunch with him um all right orlando um i'll see you wanna what happened to her what's that she got something messed up in her spine see i've been putting that work cause i heard she getting it took off for like six months that's what i noticed nobody else did

08:22

she found as hell under man plus you know i'm in all that sci-fi comic book type stuff so just look like a super fine cyborg ain't you guy so you just carry around a hammer huh i have a hammer this ain't my stuff obviously there's actual books in it would you shut the [ __ ] up please hey we don't talk like that in here i said please [Music]

09:00

where's all my stuff jesus wayne you can't just walk in here like that and get up go away darren scott sit out right now yo disrespect that crazy fool will come to my house you won't why do i even bother got it get out of here sit no sit right down there keep quiet jesus h wayne you can't do that all my stuff from my lock is gone all right somebody tuck my nunchucks you shouldn't have brought your nunchucks into school all right i don't know where

09:34

they are okay these kids they steal everything they stole mrs healey's shoes a few weeks ago okay they're not cool shoes they're old lady teacher shoes wayne wayne sit down talk to me i could have called truancy like five times by now and i haven't how's your dad doing you knew that me and your dad go way back right yep cause your butthole tommy cole yes thanks to him that tradition has been passed on to this generation of students he also beat me up beat the [ __ ] out of

10:16

me at my own birthday party knock it off knock it off i swear to god cut that [ __ ] out right now i know i'm not supposed to but i hate those kids like real like adult hate that's like where was i talking about my dad beating your ass right thing is for every time your dad beat my ass he beat someone else's for me two-fold now he was an [ __ ] no doubt

10:58

but he also couldn't stand for anybody getting away with doing something wrong does that sound like anybody else we knew could i offer you a banana sorry go ahead have it i got another one it's at home listen wayne there's always going to be people doing rotten stuff to other people but you got to let the proper people handle it the proper way people like me and the law no one handles it from my dad well nobody likes the way that that went down okay everybody knows that work

11:29

is what made him sick and everybody knows that he got screwed in court it wasn't right listen you have every reason to be mad your mom taking off yeah i don't care about her okay if you run around writing wrongs all your life that'll be your life and i know it's easy to follow in family footsteps but you don't have to what should i be then i don't know man

12:06

just don't be like those two [ __ ] come on what the hell is going on down there wayne wayne we just talked about this well you will not be going back to that school sorry i ruined your lunch today what about you just come to school just knock people's teeth out of what

12:48

i need to get money what cookies cookies yeah if i buy cookies from this girl she might go wrong oh [ __ ] my man wing on the prowl stop look at you all grown up man so uh important question do you know where to find the boobies on the lady you know [ __ ] okay okay okay man okay this is just the first time you ever talk to me about a girl man okay she must be something special what's her name don't know

13:21

okay well that's a great start oh if i got an idea it's all yours holy [ __ ] it's your dad's collection of titty mags it's real oh wait 1982 so much hair i need a goddamn garbage bag money here car these with your life okay what's your life all right i'll be back for these later [Music]

14:15

[Music] you trying to break in my house no no just busting your balls [Music] you gonna sit yeah oh yeah oh no i just saw my last box that's okay i'm just kidding i saved you one it's the uh shitty coconut kind you know the one that tastes like [ __ ]

14:50

but still i thought that council whatever i'm fine with the [ __ ] one oh god i don't need that much we have to do right okay here's the rules i like that romance [ __ ] all right i don't like flowers i don't want to a stupid valentine on valentines i don't want to hold your fat sweaty hands all the time and i'm never going to cook for you unless making some for myself got it yeah and don't look at me like that

15:25

[ __ ] i uh i don't know your name my dwayne that is so weird that's my name too oh dummy dell my name's dell and it ain't short for nothing so don't ask [Music] what are you gonna do with all that it's for my campaign it's gonna be maya man i'm gonna run for mayor when i'm old enough then i'll be in charge of this [ __ ] ass town and none of these [ __ ] will be

16:00

able to tell me what to do anymore holding my [ __ ] dad and my [ __ ] brothers i'm gonna vote for you hey do you uh do you want to go cut some snakes in half with a shovel yes i hate choice what are you gonna be

16:40

oh uh i don't know i'll figure it out still well what's your dad though aside from dying and everything did you do what he did nice job as well i got him sick okay not that then i don't want anything to do with my bitch-ass family anyway i'm gonna do everything i can to make sure nobody even knows i'm one of them i don't know it's your family you need people to remind you who you are where you're from whatever wow daddy

17:11

hey back off whoa what do we got here huh who the [ __ ] are you who are you who the [ __ ] are you and why were his hands all over you huh get away from me i asked you a question your partner [ __ ] pervert peace that crap [ __ ] pervert just let them back off hey look at me hey yo you want something great what oh you a tough guy you're so pretty i'm gonna ask you one time

17:47

one [ __ ] time what the [ __ ] are you doing alone with my 15 year old daughter buying some cookies wayne don't what i thought i [ __ ] told you dell huh i'm sorry stop stealing and selling [ __ ] cookies oh god damn it give it to me now it's mine you best watch your [ __ ] mouth and give me that money you little thief i am not playing do you think he's playing he ain't [ __ ] playing shut the [ __ ] up [ __ ] [ __ ] for brains [ __ ] [ __ ] for brains

18:21

give me the [ __ ] [ __ ] raising a goddamn thief useless like your [ __ ] mother was huh move your ass move it hey boys yes you give this [ __ ] ass purpose every reason to not creep around my daughter no more let's go move your [ __ ] ass oh this is gonna be [ __ ] fun you want to create my sister quit this [ __ ] put that hat

19:02

i don't play that shaking a bedpan at me i will put that bedpan in your ass your father ain't funny he thinks he's funny as hell sweetie what happened to your face boy it is getting hard to tell the old cuts and bruises from the new ones are you looking at my breasts yes ma'am i'm sorry young man you gotta learn to lie once in a while i know that ain't who you are but it just might serve you to bend the truth here and there

19:41

so i had a visitor today one ex-boyfriend of mine said some kid about your age came to his house and put two rocks in his window no so that wasn't you i didn't throw rocks that's your ice okay that was your opportunity to lie i don't want you doing that for me what is cheating on you yes and i broke up with him that's how that works my messes are mine you got enough messes

20:21

are you really mad about what and i broke the windows oh i am very very mad see what i did there learned to do it i baked you a little something that's in the kitchen that you awake yo yeah i'm awake i got pie it's bones that's nice i'm not really hungry

20:59

but i'm gonna watch you eat so now eight sometimes i worry you don't eat nothing at least now i have proof huh check it out someone got lucky on a pat's bet and made rent hey two like your sons are [ __ ] huh me and you yeah okay [ __ ] dude i'm too little militia's been lighting those things off all day like it's a fourth or something

21:58

no no just sit down eat talk talk with your father just talk to your father what's this picture of [ __ ] i don't want you to see that well maybe i did i don't know get in here i like the car i did too enough to buy it it's mine no [ __ ] way you bought a car didn't even get it home though your mind that prick ran off with it

22:46

pretty much the minute i paid for swear to god every few years a godless [ __ ] sends me a picture just to rub it in so that's what it looks like now yeah my thighs got fat you don't remember what she looked like your mom i was five biggest shame for a father not having something to leave his son left me stuff dad

23:28

i don't know about that still that [ __ ] car should have been yours hey thank you for you know not being a big [ __ ] about all this you gotta be [ __ ] kidding me hey hey wayne don't go don't bother wayne

24:04

[Music] [Music] hey dad stopped all the noise for you got some wrong candles and some m80s out those dip shits too hey there dad [Music]

25:42

[Music] [Music] goodbye [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] is [Music]

26:57

come on [Music] what i got you're in well look at that just in the nick of time [ __ ] does all of it i guess so i guess i'll be a landlord for another month or until your dad [Music] what the [ __ ] [Music]

27:51

oh you think that [ __ ] funny little prick sick ass out now huh holy son of a [Music] that's my [ __ ] you [ __ ] what the [ __ ] [ __ ] your house what about my teddy mags my [ __ ] house what the [ __ ] [ __ ]

28:44

daddy there's a little squirrel around the dog like a horse come on [Music] what the hell is that wait what the [ __ ] you want to come to florida with me why get my dad's car back what for because you wanted me to have it no i need a bikini oh what the hell is up there just go up there and check then you dick check your [ __ ] dick [ __ ] don't you [ __ ] dare

29:23

that was up there with you i got a bat bro wait my headphones out answer me okay let's go [ __ ] this [Music] sorry about your brothers i'm gonna [ __ ] kill you now [Music] i was not gonna do you any good [Music] daughter [Music] really fireworks

30:36

get on the bike [Music] you shut up god damn it you [ __ ] [ __ ]

31:34

piece of [ __ ] [ __ ] dale don't go please bye daddy [Music] [Music] give him your sandwich man i got double meat on this [ __ ] [Music] [Music] would you quit [ __ ] with your alligator and get over here bunch of [ __ ] [ __ ]

33:04

[Music] what i do now it's your birthday right yeah it is happy 18th [ __ ] [Music] 17. [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] so [Music] oh [Music]

34:28

[Music] uh oh my ass hurts [Music] [Music] get [ __ ] leg [ __ ] it's a freebie what's all this [ __ ] breakfast i made um breakfast good cause i need that goddamn jerky

36:04

again thanks welcome you're sticking no rabbit [ __ ] stuff all right [Music] what the [ __ ] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] okay yeah

36:47

okay hey sorry we got a pro but wait now i wasn't what's the most natural thing there is sarge don't say nothing i understand listen to it i go to the evidence room when i want to handle my stop okay i stretched out of my jay i was checking myself for cancer you got cancer sarge no i didn't say that jake linda just had cancer i can't go through this twice listen to me jay nightmare goddamn nightmare jay

37:20

will you please just explain to me why you burst in here like that i'm sorry well bobby lucetti's out front you know that guy he's a prick eight [ __ ] ways long story short he said some kid came to his house and assaulted him and his boys in their own home and maybe kidnapped his daughter now for all we know she could have ran off with the kid but either way she's 15 so we have a situation now you know i wasn't masturbating right

38:11

so uh here we are yeah yeah you guys know what you want to drink yes uh coffee coffee how old are you i don't know how old are you well you're a little young to be drinking coffee is all and you're a little old to be wearing that choker is all but the hot ones with the hot once right tracy coffee you yeah coffee thank you tracy i'm gonna get waffles is it good waffles

38:56

yeah all right any good you ain't never had a goddamn waffle i don't think no jesus [ __ ] you're liking see no man what's that it's a movie you've seen the movie before right yeah i've seen a movie all right well this one is where the hobbit guy from lord of the rings finds a caveman frozen in ice and then he unfreezes him back alive but he's a caveman so he doesn't know what anything in the modern world is so the hobbit guy teaches him how to like skateboard and [ __ ] what's the word the rings should say kid all right walk me through the incident

39:32

please okay kid i don't know 16 17 years old breaks into my [ __ ] house uh-huh then you sauced my boys over there bust up a probably a good zenith and he bites off my [ __ ] nose jesus yeah and now this little [ __ ] is how god knows where with my daughter doing god knows [ __ ] what well this is not good no [ __ ] sherlock look are you gonna put somebody on this or what because i was watching dateline and they said the first 48 hours are the most critical or some [ __ ] like that bingo didn't go away little bingo you

40:05

got something life throws unexpected things our way stay on course and be brave you have my word mr lucetti i'll find your dog dog that's our sister this is my [ __ ] daughter we're talking about everything will be okay so we died like yesterday yeah well you're gonna like go back for the

40:52

funeral or whatever uh no i don't think so don't you wanna like i don't know dress him up in a suit have some pre-say some [ __ ] about god and stuff i poured gasoline in the house and him and let it on fire okay no priest then so uh this car my dad's car no the one outside with tits on it the one you dragged me out of my house in the middle of the night to go get

41:40

it's in florida yeah pretty sure you're pretty sure but you know where we're going right like you have an address a city a town yeah i gotta go the bathroom come on piece of [ __ ] wait come here what's the matter i need you to buy me some tampons i uh you don't know what a tampon is

42:40

right and say no man yeah yes i know what one okay okay i normally would have packed some but i guess i forgot so i'm gonna please need you to go across the store and buy me some and some pants sweatpants yeah these are my only pants and they kind of look like a [ __ ] soul movie oh for shit's sake we just go

43:16

[Music] welcome to health right just just looking that lube is my favorite [Music] for your myer sister all right girl girl friend she's a girl i hope so or else those won't work it's okay so how bad is it huh her period i need to know if you want to bring back the right ones uh she said it was like a saw movie

44:01

super plus it is thanks you don't answer my texts now i can't text at work you know don't lie to me what are you looking at go jerk off to someone else's girlfriend go ahead kid it's all right i'll also take that bike lock and that aluminum back [Music] i'd like to return this back

44:52

dell it's me wayne i have the things [Music] down i don't think she's coming back kid more coffee no [ __ ] holy [ __ ] kid [ __ ] didn't that hurt yes well you don't like coffee all of a sudden or something i haven't tasted anything worse than coffee but you drank three cups earlier oh [ __ ] you got it bad for that [ __ ] as much as i don't like that kooz okay

45:47

okay she have a place she runs off to when you guys fight like this she needed flowers or jewelry and i'll form around here i met her yesterday oh well [ __ ] man okay so a girl that age alone probably heads home if she's got money on her there's a bus station just oh she's right there that [ __ ] steal one of my smocks dale dal hey no what you left me no i didn't it's been an hour you left

46:27

me well i went to the store to get your things and there was a guy beating me into a lady so at this store no a different store well i told you to go to this store i did then i went to another store why i couldn't buy him at the first ones ones how many did you go to three three why because it's weird okay for me weird it's weird for you and you can lay my brothers out you can you can bite my dad's goddamn nose off do whatever you did to that guy who's being mean to some lady and how's

46:59

he doing by the way not good yeah not good of course he isn't you could do all that but you can't buy me some [ __ ] tampons i cannot believe i came here with you and you don't even know where the hell we're going we'll find it all right i promise who even are you anyway you burn your own house down and that jacket what kind of weirdo where's that jacket i mean what the [ __ ] even is it a shark in some sort of japanese sunrise [ __ ] you shouldn't be doing that

47:34

stealing no you don't tell me who to be i am fine will you move i can't yell you with those [ __ ] tits over your head no [ __ ] this don't follow me [Music] look for some cash i'm looking i'm looking this looks cool yeah

48:08

run don't kill us out of money i'm not gonna kill you okay sweet jacket man take it sweet i saw that bikini in your tent is that where you take the girls and you know kill them it's my girlfriends what i had a girlfriend once had tits when she was 10. dude are you talking about my girl she was my girl first yeah and she dumped you so what happened to your girl you guys should leave now you beg there

48:58

to stay right because girls they want you to fight for him you know she told me not to follow her so i didn't you have to follow him how fast the bus station you're out of gas we tried to steal your bike earlier but the station will take you like 30 minutes or you cut through the golf course there's a hole in the fence you'll be there in 10 tops no do not listen to him jamie shut it man why because we [ __ ] murray where's lee [ __ ] murray we [ __ ] murray's the guy who protects the golf course from what kids who take shortcuts it

49:35

cuts 30 minutes off your walk to school i heard he killed the kid once rumors but he totes worship satan i'm saying don't because he has a gun okay big mistake he said i should fight for her holy [ __ ] he's going i'm telling you don't do it seriously big [Music] mistake hey hombre you're on my grass now with your ass

50:27

put it down i'm about to light you up boy you got him [ __ ] killed next [ __ ] oh [ __ ] i'm going on break the [ __ ] you is rick's still doing his meditation to atlantic city how can i help you once i get to los angeles

51:24

are you going to california why you got so many jobs crack cabin that's it it's on they say suckers don't survive what the [ __ ] am i doing you're like 90 pounds hey [ __ ] you know what's illegal right what you did trespassing you came at me so this is on you [ __ ] okay you're gonna shoot me again this is rock salt these aren't real

52:13

bullets so don't go around telling people and those are you really [ __ ] [ __ ] out for me my dude cause you know these loads they don't usually do what that one did to your face knocking you out i mean you must have caught a big piece of something because the worst i ever did is put a few ugly holes in an ass [Music] i'm fairly upset me too so here's what's up if you say anything to anybody if something happens to me

52:52

because of this law wise or whatnot i mean i got boys and those [ __ ] will come to your house your family and then how my hands [Music] why is he still here i thought i told you to take care of it that's here my old lady both because she's my girlfriend and the fact that she's like 30. shut the [ __ ] up i got you some veggie curry from that place you like

53:22

she's a vegan and a satanist so what happened to my plan i think you got the message i mean you got the message right kid we talked about this we can't let him go baby he's gonna be cool you just got that [ __ ] bracelet off your ankle lee well you want to go back inside lose your goddamn job he's not gonna say anything don't say anything look at him look at him he's a goddamn kid i think his parents are just gonna be like oh yeah no questions asked just finish your [ __ ] cereal and then if he goes to the hospital and the doctor asks him what happened he's

53:54

like 15. 16. and he's gonna stop bawling kira no no you promised me you swatted me in front of your [ __ ] mother that we were gonna go out west we were gonna turn this [ __ ] around we're gonna play the prices right win a whole bunch of money and start over we should give him another chance you want to give him a [ __ ] chance all right we're gonna play a [ __ ] game yeah okay thanks

54:44

i don't know these are your parents i don't have any foster kid you about to do that i always felt like a job interview but for like love or something and i try you know i get good grades look real pretty be good eight different families deep i decide [ __ ] this i'm gonna be the one to leave before they say go now he hates coffee what boyfriend i tried to pour him another

55:21

cup and he acted like i pissed in it he choked down three cups for you just out of my business listen i'm one i have a new job every two weeks and a new boyfriend every other just don't blow everything up before it has a chance to maybe be good oh i'm getting ice cream you ain't getting [ __ ] but dad it's my own money you want any ice cream i'm gonna bury you in this [ __ ] parking lot that money's with scratches

56:04

okay you found my [ __ ] daughter or what where's our sister cop you know what dad i'm getting ice cream shut the [ __ ] up go be somewhere else now hey so please have a seat what's this i have some friends who can get information from me very quickly and let's just say i have some good news oh yeah it's about [ __ ] time what the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] i don't have cancer what'd you say [ __ ] him up daddy sit

56:47

down please what i'm trying to tell you is that now that i beat this thing i am ready and committed to finding your daughter and to finding this this son of a [ __ ] this bastard boy yeah god damn this is my [ __ ] daughter we're talking about right and i apologize for any lack of focus but now this is my life this is my mission getting your daughter back [ __ ] a okay this [ __ ] awesome news awesome

57:21

[ __ ] news now i'm gonna need some information what do we know about this kid family friends what's his problemo well yeah before this other [ __ ] stole my daughter he he burned down his house and he burned down his dad's still in it but truth be told the firefighter told me that their dad was already dead before the house burned down or cancer or some [ __ ] like that i'm not really [ __ ] sure did you say cancer yeah you know what i gotta have a smoke a [ __ ] smoke

57:52

here [ __ ] hey everyone my daughter got kidnapped so i'm gonna smoke and you could all [ __ ] blow me cancer you sure that yeah what's your [ __ ] deal huh this boy he's obviously lashing out he's in pain you all [ __ ] with me aren't you maybe we should be helping him that's it would you [ __ ] say this [ __ ] god daddy are you okay and i believe he'll do this after all you've been through with your cancer and

58:24

everything jay there's something i forgot to tell [Music] [Applause] you hey where'd you get that jacket on uh are you wayne's girl yeah who the [ __ ] are you um i'm so sorry i didn't i didn't mean to it just we just don't try nothing funny so if he wins we'll let him go if i win we don't what are we playing guys simple

59:16

you do what i do but better and faster you go home you ready my curry's getting cold i guess put on some [ __ ] music one two three go [Music] what the hell is this [ __ ] hey hey oh great now we're gonna have to kill her too it's your friend little girl come the big boy play huh come on you don't even know where to start that thing

01:00:06

[Music] have you seen my goddamn breath in here can we put on a fire why don't you learn how to cut wood and stop [ __ ] nagging me [Music] now i'm gonna cut your dick off no wait i didn't get my turn [Music]

01:00:40

jesus christ [Music] [ __ ] [ __ ] get the [ __ ] over there don't i have to though don't i don't [ __ ] so what do you guys want to do now i'll get high or something this is how it's gonna go we're gonna be friends first i'm not no breaking up or we'll just want to take things slower and then

01:01:57

we'll see i'm weird [ __ ] up so i stabbed a knife through my own hand i don't want to be a 41 year old single crackhead waitress with regrets me neither how much fun we got i got a postcard of the counter going there it's playing that tell me that [ __ ] boozer what you're not pressing charge this tough guy huh you're going through a lot right now mr lucetti it's understandable you would be emotional your daughter out there with that boy

01:02:49

whose dad had cancer i recently got a second chance myself so i'm feeling generous that's fantastic what are you gonna do about my [ __ ] daughter yeah what the [ __ ] you gonna do about my sister i'm gonna find her is what the heck i'm gonna do yeah oh thanks for nothing geller i got something to help you guys the out of the boy's penis i'm not sure how that helps us this i don't think the kid meant for this to be in here but i'm pretty damn sure

01:03:25

that's the kid's mom it's been a long time she's living my building but i'm almost positive that's her and look where stamp from ocala florida huh it's something yeah can we stop for pizza or something i haven't eaten in like all day you [ __ ] liar we had chicken parm such a [ __ ] mouse and get in the truck we're going to florida yes that's what i'm talking about thanks i pulled this foul this kid's got a really bad history

01:04:02

so what you think assassin second chances things could be stranger but i don't know how i'm going through changes now spend a lifetime trying to figure it out [Music] i'm going through changes now that have just begun under a purple sun there's many reasons we are what we've

01:04:41

become i'm going through changes ripping out pages i'm going to change this now [Music] but i knew it once i forgot

01:05:15

i'm going through changes now [Music] we want everything but what we've got i'm going through changes now but i knew it once but i forgot i'm going through changes now [Music] we want everything but what we've got i'm going through changes now

01:05:57

maybe it's too soon but i'd ride off with you in a big balloon i'm going through changes rather than cages i'm going through changes now [Music] what are you gonna do it aren't you it's just i never talked to him before she's not gonna bite you unless you ask and maybe the rain will stop

01:06:47

no not stopping so she says i'm too young [Applause] [ __ ] i think maybe my brother didn't explain quite right i guess this is a strange request but honey this one time a guy wanted to watch me pleasure myself with his prosthetic hand

01:07:51

strange that's kind of my thing stranger past costs [Music] who's the lucky guy what's our one goddamn rule ah christ deborah don't throw a hissy hey show some respect for the guy who stuffed you with the new towels macy's hotel collection that's hotel with an h well you know go [ __ ] yourself go [ __ ] yourself and i'm gonna blast the heat when we get in there then hot shower

01:08:28

then hbo i'm gonna smell the soaps you're weird man hey look oh [ __ ] who made the nails do you think the manager will recognize us now or the hooker lady yeah we're good i'll use my corny ass school pictures we're in business kids i also offer a variety of other non-erotic type services we black market dvds i'm also a notary

01:09:08

all right then don't do anything i wouldn't do [Music] [Applause] so every school has that kid right the kid nobody talks to but if wayne comes to talk to you well you're [ __ ]

01:09:44

hey watch your language never eat with utensils it's like an animal i once saw him hammer a number two pencil into a dude's hand he burned his dad alive you know that right set him on fire he once ate a frog in class but not like biology class in english class utensils are no utensils never seen him eat a vegetable but did see him stab a kid with a carrot he beat up my dad i mean my dad's an [ __ ] but ruined easter so tell me about the night you had your incident with wayne

01:10:16

young man i told you he's not going to talk i haven't heard him speak a word since so what's this for is wayne going to hear what i say uh no wayne's never going to see this uh promise we're not recording you know what that maniac will do to me if he does do or what happened to joey cicilliano who's joey sisliano exactly what's that oh this is from my instagram wayne is the best guy heart of gold wouldn't hurt a fly you

01:10:47

can tell us the truth this is the truth hey there wayne brother okay jesus christ just get the hell out of here so mr hikes we have a few questions they ain't mine what's that someone was making me sell it look if you guys want the magazines oh and the money i have it and what magazines are you referring to the titty ones wait orlando we're here to ask you about samurai swords was already in my locker when i

01:11:17

got it i'ma just let you talk first orlando we're here to ask you questions about wayne mcculler oh did wayne do that to your eye what no this the reason i have this is because wayne isn't here i mean we don't go to the movies together or anything but when's my boy whatever you think he did he's innocent you do know that he burnt down his house with his dad inside assaulted a man and his boys bit his nose off and kidnapped his daughter

01:11:51

i did not listen this school is full of messed up kids and bullies and [ __ ] honestly it's a dangerous place for all of us we got metal detectors on the doors that don't work kids dropping out of school because they're scared to be here wayne's been dead a bad hand so you're gonna have to find somebody else to squeal on now i gotta sneak off to my next class because we're weighing on it's open season on orlando's out there can i bounce

01:12:26

i have limited resources but i do everything in my power to protect my students [Music] they think his father got on the job the cancer yeah the sergeant had to run in with cancer himself no it's okay it turns out it was not cancer i mean it almost was it's like i had it at least for a few

01:12:59

hours hey wayne's gonna be okay i know you got a sweet spot for the boy my name wayne it was the death of my family argus died this morning my shepherd terrier he was a good dog he was he was loyal he hated going on walks which was nice for me because i hate walking too i don't get pets all these people in my neighborhood with these green bags standing around waiting for something to [ __ ]

01:13:29

no thanks i think maybe there's something in my water you know i kept changing the dog food over and over what are you talking about this is my fourth dog to die in two years arcus artemis amadeus africa oh so you're one of those people who name all your dogs the same letter that's what you got out of the story ah what the hell is wrong with me four dogs to picture health just dropped dead

01:14:03

jesus it's like i'm [ __ ] cursed yeah i'm very sorry for your loss maybe you're just a bad pet owner [Music] you've been crying your faces and knees come in baby you can drive the tears this motel sucks the shower water smells the blankets stink like basement this towel's really soft though

01:14:47

get up we're going swimming we can't go swimming we need to be getting on the road get to florida do my dad's car come on it's the first sunny day in like forever i deserve a tan i look like a gallon of milk you saw the pictures on the paper or like wanted or whatever relax it's not like we're bonnie a clyde or something i'm swimming in this bikini today you don't want to be there i can't [ __ ]

01:15:12

help you but this bikini's getting used [Music] [Applause] that doesn't look healthy what are you the prince of england and you never heard of a mud bath no don't i'm joking the hell would get into that [Music] thing [Music]

01:15:57

[ __ ] motel number two well no one's [ __ ] in that thing what's up what's up with you heading down to spring break daytona currently on the shitty motel tour all the way there [ __ ] no doubt you know what makes shitty motels seem less shitty getting shit-faced we make pink panty droppers join all right that's cool check them out they telling people

01:16:39

tell me principal cole i have to talk to you orlando what get out of here i'm sorry are you done using the bathroom but i know i wasn't i'm just sitting here in the bathroom just breathing in all this nasty air it's the faculty bathroom how the hell did you get in here i'm keen to the faculty bathroom give me those okay this this place this is for me this is the only place i have this for me it's sacred listen it's about wayne oh well then in

01:17:16

that case get the hell out of here as if that kid hasn't caused me enough freaking vexation but we gotta help him look i know that life has been a little difficult for you lately without your bodyguard but maybe you shouldn't have done a bunch of stuff that made you need a bodyguard but he's in some real trouble i'm serious look these guys they're going after them they're buying beds yeah maybe the baseball players look what they wrote heading out to florida to kill that [ __ ] wayne they're going at him with bats and [ __ ] we need to help him do you know how many

01:17:50

times i try to help that kid how many times i thought now that message i just gave wayne really hit home and now he's going to turn his life around only to have him completely ignore me and remove some kid's teeth with his knuckles or a trumpet i'm done orlando i'm done florida ain't that far we could go together you're the only adult that he listens to you're together really did wayne say that not really i gleaned it gene did man look orlando i'm not about to take one of my 16 year old students on a road trip i

01:18:20

don't know if you read the papers lately but it's not a popular thing to do well what do you got to do anyway it's spring break in like two days not a wife no kids no girlfriend no dogs now everyone knows no offense but we ain't got [ __ ] hey watch your language i do have [ __ ] i have a thing mr know-it-all an important thing actually i do have [ __ ] so glean that okay then what you got i have a speech to give to a bunch of other principals that are recharging hope with leadership conference which sounds lame when i say it because

01:18:50

it is anyway i gotta be in charlotte for a few days so you're gonna have to leave it to the cops hey north carolina is on the way to florida look at that you know geography lucky buddy wayne in case you haven't noticed he can take care of himself me on the other hand i can't even take care of my dogs he stole a key to this bathroom so what's the problem it could be fun we shouldn't go out there people responders or something from those pictures no one's gonna recognize us that picture's so old and we're in oshkosh but [ __ ] gosh

01:19:34

what's wrong with staying in here we got coin nuts and the hbo the ehbo now faced all over town i think we can't just go around being friends with strangers now problem solved here's what we do we'll come up with a cover story you know pretend we're different people except better than last night's one well you lie better than me i can't do it everyone lies better than you you like the goddamn beacon of truth so let's try something a little bit different choose a character from the

01:20:23

last movie you saw or a book you read or whatever take part of their story make it your own you think of somebody character or whatever going in oh brian the barbarian does connect even have a last name no it's just kind of you just walk into a party and be like oh hey what's up i'm conan the barbarian it would be kind of cool though listen i know you don't hear this a lot but you're thinking so much the key with this is to tell one big fat juicy lie you know the important one you

01:20:54

need him to believe then you follow it up with the tiny little weird [ __ ] details you know nothing real particular but stuff no one would ever make up you want to try not really i'm angelica this is um [Music] john wayne yeah yeah our parents love westerns they're in philadelphia for a conference you know those tiny little balloons they blow up in your arteries prevent heart attacks

01:21:39

well they sell those to doctors two competing companies make them our parents each work for one of the companies so they're like competitors my dad had a heart attack so you're gonna get bond with us or what john wayne it's john wayne so i just want to make sure i'm hearing this right you the boys guardian is authorizing me an adult male you've never met before today who's never raised any kids in his life to take your grandson across multiple state lines hundreds of miles away in a shoddy tourist to find

01:22:17

his friend who may or may not be a criminal how much money you guys need for food [Music]

01:23:05

can we please switch back now nope you have to wear it the whole game i'm in my own private heli i don't like this game anymore ryan no one dared to take mushrooms you just took mushrooms we should go we're in the middle of a game bro come on john wayne he's up who's next angelica definitely angelica okay truth or dare [ __ ] well uh i want to keep my top on so true

01:23:42

let's see where's the craziest place you've ever had sex craziest ah jesus gonna have to give me a sec on this one craziest all right ice rink summer last year my house never really had air conditioning so when it was hot i used to go there to read and this kid jimmy depitro had a summer job cleaning the ice on one of those big uh zamboni things you know those are yeah it was funny because even though he was two years older than me he still

01:24:12

looked like a little kid behind the wheel that big thing anyway is on a zamboni a crazy place to have sex [Applause] down this girl just won truth or dare all right say zamboning good morning [Music] bob [Music] hey tommy ruins tonight probably gonna get smoked again

01:24:56

yeah probably [Music] mind if we have a chat i'd offer you something but i don't usually get visitors i think i got some flat soda or a banana i'll take a banana jay wait wayne's all right right i solved the case for your dead dogs i'm sorry ran down some leads this afternoon dug up the toxicology reports from your vet and shared him with patricia in forensics looked up noise reports from your neighbors found some hospital records

01:25:36

ran a few background checks i helped with those he did long and short of it you didn't kill your dogs your next-door neighbor did they were poisoned what anti-depressants ssris his name was all over the prescription the bright side is they probably were very happy before their heart stopped cheerful we still haven't determined a motive yet other than the obvious possibilities your neighbor doesn't like you he doesn't like dogs

01:26:05

or he's just some rotten s.o.b or he was off his meds on account that he was poisoning your dogs with him so it wasn't me i didn't kill them [ __ ] andrews i should have known one time my dog [ __ ] on his lawn one time and it was one dog it was like four dogs ago it was the winter i had the flu the dog came out i was gonna get him but it was snowing and i forgot that [ __ ] i believe the your words [ __ ] you're looking for is in fact your other neighbor

01:26:43

one paul taylor paul taylor what the [ __ ] did i ever do to that [ __ ] guy i'm nice enough to listen to him gabon about his [ __ ] precious [ __ ] ruins every [ __ ] day he goes and kills my [ __ ] dogs so now you've had the proper amount of time to process this i'd like to talk to you about something important last time i'm telling you go back in the rv [ __ ] chill you said taking mushrooms would make me feel good

01:27:18

[Music] all right john wayne you've been awful quiet tonight don't think you've had a turn yet no he is not you seem like a dare guy might call [ __ ] if you're not so truth all right bro it's the craziest thing that's ever happened to you hey i think we are thanksgivings ago i broke my brother's record player oh i didn't say anything because i knew he got metal but he knew it was me right off i was asleep when he came in to give me the

01:27:59

first beating he's five years older than me so it was pretty bad my dad was away on a job so there was no one around stopping [Music] and so every time he come home he'd see that broken record played get mad all over again come in he throw me another beat one night i just about had it so i got these handcuffs i found in the woods cuffed him through his bed before he woke up i got a couple guard shots in i even broke the record player for good but the cuffs gave out anyway he threw me down the stairs and

01:28:31

i'm guessing he got scared he'd kill me or something when i didn't get up because he caught an ambulance [Music] doctor said i was like a miracle or something because i died for like a whole two minutes but i didn't know what happened cuz well i was dead i guess [Music] [ __ ] [ __ ] no [ __ ] way that's you it's not even scientifically possible kick back dude it's just a game yeah shoot her there not big [ __ ] liar

01:28:57

dude he's a [ __ ] liar was he a good boy yeah he was one of the good ones smarter than he looked when he did something wrong took him a while to set him straight but that's the truth about all of them one way or another i'm gonna miss him you don't think he's coming back coming back from what wait we're we're talking about wayne right i was

01:29:34

talking about argus my dog you know i've heard a lot of things about that boy today a lot of them hard to believe i guess i'm just asking what i should believe well i'm not gonna lie a lot of those stories are true you know if you're going to base your investigation solely on what's in your police files and interviews with people from around this town you should probably just go find them and lock them up right now [ __ ] i could have thrown them out of school two dozen times but i got to tell you something that kid has never got a chance

01:30:07

you got the [ __ ] out of the stick at every turn and i can keep trying to ram life lessons down his throat but until that kid gets one real break or a good thing happening to him i don't know the world's a cruel place [ __ ] a right it is huh so how much vacation time you got saved up [Music] yeah listen your sister don't get yourself killed

01:31:03

she was a dad um okay hey there what you got i dare you to get that girly bike break in one of them rooms upstairs and jump her through the window into that pool yeah right not [ __ ] doing that what was it you calling me earlier a [ __ ] i'm not doing i'm not a [ __ ] i'm just not a [ __ ] idiot just because you're a liar doesn't mean i'm gonna do a dare that no one else in their right [ __ ] mind would do so stick it up your lying piece of [ __ ]

01:31:36

towny ass no he's just drunk john wayne needs to lighten up or tug needs to be less of a dick [Music] what's this guy's name i'm not sure he has one the higher risk animals tend to move through the system pretty quick so hey bob could i actually interest you in some of our other dogs because this one is pretty anti-social uh

01:32:26

fight risk uh hate strangers unsafe with children hates me a lot too it's actually scheduled to be put down you believe in second chances boy all right i'm gonna fire up slap cup let's get it going so uh did your parents get rich off the balloon thing or what where are you guys from anyway don't tell your brother i think he's a giant [ __ ] [Music] what the [ __ ] john [ __ ]

01:33:06

wayne i think i [ __ ] my pants hey hey hey hey i called the cops all of you stay where you are oh [ __ ] come on jesus this is your idea of lying woah we need to get our stuff okay brother's a real piece of work huh i

01:34:29

can't believe all that that was it lie just sneaky son of a [ __ ] look at you yeah just thought about the record player though i just made that up it's pretty obvious why was your brother beating on you all the time i don't know he was just like that as the last time i saw him my dad gave it to him pretty good when he came back and found out i was hyped

01:35:05

and he left that night i heard he joined the marines a few weeks later from a friend but i did it though i got one past you yeah yeah you really did if we search that trailer i got you come here don't have them put pursuit

01:35:59

[Music] sweaty throughout the windows suspects possibly heading northbound take the cruiser around the back of the [Music] hotel i know she's pissed in here [Music] meet wayne orlando it's principal cole be out front by six

01:37:00

we're going to florida orlando tell your grandmother i need 300 bucks what's wrong [Music] we gotta go [Music] [Music] can i sit down here beside you

01:38:16

[Music] if i seem to come on too strong i hope that you will understand i say these things cause i'd like to know if you're as lonely as i am [Music] [ __ ] [ __ ] up [Music]

01:38:51

[Music] together right here [Music] together [Music] [ __ ] [Music] tell me i never been this clean before not even when i was born i don't think you weren't clean then neither you ever seen a baby when it first comes out

01:40:05

a bloody uncovered a mom goop i showed y'all's got mangoes i know and you know what i thought i would hate but turns out i don't the way the dryer plays a song where it's done i like the dryer song i know it's like here i made your clothes all warm for you now i'm gonna sing you a lullaby or whatever anything in there no not really so i'm saying that a guy got a bj from another scent of the guy a bunch of people got e coli shits from lettuce and uh this whole sections on dining is that french for eating naked or

01:40:37

something um i'll sneak in the pictures your new life begins here with original hardwood floors recessed lighting and for the end of the day when we come together to remember why we do it all the fireplace indulge let me invite you outside to where nature in our lives intertwine on a spacious outdoor patio perfect

01:41:19

for dining alfresco oh andre the joy's gonna play this song [Music] what the [ __ ] [ __ ] [Music] [Applause] aka copper soup now i'm heading down south so get ready for soup picks from 11

01:42:12

different states i got 1300 people watching you want to say hi hard pass okay we got to go y'all child up super uh-huh we're not wearing uniforms oh no uniforms today it's you me and my friend tommy bahama i thought it was just us tommy bahama is the name of the man who makes these shirts i know but why is he coming with us is he rich yeah i was making it now look i think i was pretty clear about this trip you realize all of this

01:42:43

is off the clock it's not like we're going to disney world unless unless we're going to disney world sarge well we're going to be traveling out of our jurisdiction so it'd be inappropriate to be in uniform you got any street clothes no i just got work clothes and i got coffees yeah what is all of this this is my stuff for my vlogs and my blogs okay lights selfie sticks couple extra cameras here take this one sarge when is the last time you took a

01:43:14

vacation and what is it with this weighing kit it's got a gut feeling about them just let a badge of florida handle it that's what i'm afraid of boy like that gets put in the system they rarely get out i figured i got a second chance jay it's my turn to give somebody else one sounds like a bad seat to me well we'll see just want to catch up with them before everything else does and her the girl right her too they couldn't have gotten that far on a dirt bike we'll find him and her right

01:43:46

her too so you got any of our guys on this no sir we're leaving brockton out of this [Music] if you could buy any of these houses which would it be one with the big [ __ ] tree the one with all the flowers can't afford gas never mind a house well i know but for fun if you could i'll take any of them i can't believe that hookah lady bought this we need to get money

01:44:18

maybe we get jobs or something oh yeah good idea you go get your suit press for your interviews and i'll go grab my college diploma real quick we gotta get to florida so we can get your car and get the hell out of florida we need to get gas to get to florida oh hi there's an idea you know what they're doing right am i standing there wearing hat spot now they're standing around waiting for somebody to pick them up to help with construction and [ __ ] day laborers best part about being a day

01:44:54

laborer is it's only a day and you get paid cash i never done construction before anyone can do construction my brothers do construction and they got half a brain between them you get cash we get gas then we go well what are you gonna do i don't know maybe have a hamburger play some laser tag dude i'm joking don't worry about it you're not gonna what you're not gonna steal right i'm not gonna goddamn steal it's gonna do what my parents did when bills came i saw some [ __ ]

01:45:27

got my headphones and this necklace is like 14 carats i gave you the necklace my mom taught me how to survive too which is ironic so you know she's dead though guess i'm off to work then hold up so you don't get sun cancer nothing i didn't steal it it was you free like a pack of starbursts yeah i want to try real mango now we get to florida i'll get you a real mango i'll see you back at the house later

01:46:38

a different kind of job [Music] [Music] me with you in a sec i'm sorry what were you saying no this is worth anything listen i really need some some money yeah me too [ __ ] we were in a car wreck and my husband a cheap watch i just need some money to bury him

01:47:27

please if there's anything that you could hammer really in a tight spot lady this is a pawn shop the people come in here with stuff generally aren't the things that are going [ __ ] great for me types it's sob stories like yours all day long so again no thank you hey go on go to your mom please you at least got a tissue there's some tp in the gym [Music]

01:48:06

come on let's go okay kid let's see what you got when that lady gets back from the [ __ ] you're gonna tell you what's wrong and a crap is worth something after all excuse me i saw that little uh fake id and phony passport factory you got back there sure the cops would like to see it too go ahead and call them and be gone when they get here oh yeah well the picture i took on my phone be gone by the time they get here dick stick excuse me ma'am i've changed my mind about buying some of your worthless junk

01:48:47

thank you hey i uh changed my mind about buying this thanks dick stick back up all right i got a two-day job i need five guys you got tools see in the back you got tools let's see you got tools you got tools see

01:49:37

you got tools [Music] [ __ ] you do get your dumb ass away from my car hey i got this i got this okay you heard the boss back to the barrio come on yeah i upload the spanish tell him to get back to work steve he's been in there a while right he's

01:50:27

got to be three four beers deep by now what the [ __ ] do i know i figure five minutes to be pissed breaks how the [ __ ] long i'm gonna sit in your face jesus let the man have a few beers in peace please his daughter's missing he's worried out of his score with everything he's going through you're gonna be the beer police we could at least put on some tombs do not we're not allowed to touch daddy's radio after last time you know why betty doesn't even remember our birthday tomorrow christ would you shut the [ __ ] up he's in there getting bombed we should be the one celebrating no it's my birthday before yours you hear me complaining oh that minute 40 seconds

01:50:59

makes you so [ __ ] mature you know i had that cord wrapped around my neck you snooze you lose you know we're gonna be sitting outside the hotel room tomorrow doing nothing because he's going to be nursing his hangover hey i would not like to smear the name of our father like this you know the only three real men in rock that mess one rocky maciano two marvin haglin three my father the man is a goddamn legend [ __ ] this i'm getting my jokes no you're [ __ ] not what the [ __ ] do you care you're gonna make me the compliment

01:51:28

after the fact feels like a chuck jams day it's updated thank you so much see ya can i do anything for you my child yeah don't go molesting nobody [Music] yota it's i'll drop you at the parking lot you can go back to your cast and say whatever mexican for [ __ ] is 6am tomorrow you might want to show up

01:52:38

it's payday gracias bell you fit in there what i'm doing a secret knock sorry sorry i forgot i thought you was jeff nelly gave me a freaking coronary hey by the way we gotta go to a funeral who died some lady's husband from back home from here you know people here no so at the pawn shop this lady lost her husband in the car crash and she ain't got no money for a casket anyway we got to go to heinrich's funeral henry's the dead guy it's his

01:53:35

funeral ain't it and lady invited you to the funeral yeah she was sending out invitations at the pawn shop they're real pretty you should see a penguin on the fridge i'm kidding jesus i want to find something black to wear so you're gonna buy a dress for a funeral for a guy you don't know because you saw this lady i'm confused it's just sad okay i think we should go well you don't think people being dead is sad now i think people are being dead or sad so what's with the interrogation if you don't want it you don't have to i

01:54:05

have to work how was it good day or whatever everyone's not nice and i think the boss hates me that's good i never been to a funeral before not even fema [Music] and anything it's weird that i want to go to a funeral and maybe it is but i want to and i don't need you to understand because maybe i don't understand either okay [Music]

01:54:54

[Music] oh man who did this if eric sees this he's going to flip [ __ ] look you seem like an okay kid but you suck at this maybe you could do a lumber run huh you know how to drive right no i can figure that out jesus christ kid i got a better job since you're really good at breaking [ __ ] i want you to tear down that wall between the parlor and the den i think you can do that yes

01:55:31

nice birthday gift goddamn lamp to my head it serves you right for draining the man's [ __ ] combat you had to have your precious tunes i [ __ ] told you i don't understand what you're smiling about to be honest ted okay now we got to spend our birthday getting this man a car battery while he sleeps off his [ __ ] hangover you know what that's the last time i want to hear you talk about the man's drinking you know what carl i've had it up to here with the disrespect from you to be honest you know what i'm just saying this is our special day okay so that means we owe it to ourselves to get something cool a couple 40s or something hey i can't release four more lampshades inside you want to add to that china

01:56:02

[ __ ] guy who snuck you in the bruins game that one time what he was wicked hamlet we got 86 for his [ __ ] period always with the black lining look we'll get the [ __ ] battery all right but we're going to flappy jacks with free hot cakes first it's our god-given right we ain't getting [ __ ] but daddy always gets pretty hot gifts on his [ __ ] birthday all right fine but only because it's daddy's tradition tradition [Music] i think you found your calling like you're like the holy or something

01:56:42

oh conan the barbarian [Music] what the [ __ ] did you do you told me to deal with the parlor wall i told them that's not the power wall it's the [ __ ] living room wall this is coming out of your pants i told them to was that pepe because of the mold you should be thanking this guy you [ __ ] get back to work and get the [ __ ] out of my face [Music]

01:57:41

damn girl gonna knock him down sweetie yeah well he's already dead so you are into some weird [ __ ] little [Music] hot cakes three hot cakes and two tap waters let me know if you big spinners would like some saltines or ketchup packets as well this is no way to treat the birthday boys well you want me singing happy birthday or something that depends what's 15 or nothing 15 percent who are we bill grates cheap bastards free heart gas free [ __ ] hot cakes

01:58:24

free [ __ ] heart kicks you know i guarantee you this is the only thing we get today you think that cheap piece of [ __ ] is gonna get us a present on something this again yeah this again when's the last time he bought anything for us okay listen he's not the best gift giver i get that but who pays for that roof over you had you ungrateful sack of [ __ ] we got evicted twice last year because he did not holy [ __ ] flappy's got beers emmanuel lady menu lady beer's here beers delivered here only

01:58:56

miss miss miss hello what about the dress you look fabu on you oh i think i'm just gonna want my own clothes to the funeral funeral you gonna wear this sexy ass saying you a funeral it's black ain't it yeah true you know my uncle's funeral my auntie propped him up like he was playing poker different strokes kenny ain't here to judge anyway my condolences the family i actually don't know the guy or his

01:59:28

wife i just i can't stop thinking about it like i gotta be there or something i don't know what's better than not caring at all so i just guess it doesn't really matter what i wear thanks though hey just take it it's on me you don't have to do that child i steal [ __ ] from here all the time wants to share some of his lunch with

02:00:21

you too oh sure bring it over oh it's okay i had some earlier thanks for this my pleasure mijo pretty cool how you found them all why'd you do that it seemed like you needed a break plus the boss alberto called me the same thing earlier do you think that's good you should try the way my wife makes it even better man i miss that woman where is she in oaxaca the whole family is man

02:01:12

it was really hard yes it's a long time to be with no wife in bed you know what about you you got a family not no more no one there's a girl my girlfriend i wanted to be i don't know what she wants and sometimes what she wants doesn't make any sense just listen ensure that you care don't try to fix it

02:01:44

just listen and nod then maybe you'll get your mole i can do that finding out fresco how about the fact that he always makes us share these track suits is that not [ __ ] weird to you we love these track suits you do because you get the top half how come every time i have to be the [ __ ] bottom because you're a whiny ass that's why you're the [ __ ] bottom okay we're closing so you guys gotta go i thought you opened 24 hours we are just not today is this any way to treat

02:02:21

the two birthday boys here so i really have to go get my dick manager and go through all that fine we're leaving but i'm taking these slapping pieces you remember that time daddy took us to go skating at acf arena but he was too [ __ ] cheap to pay for us both so you got to go skating and i sat there watching your shoes and then he was too bored or drunk or both and we had to go i didn't have i never had my [ __ ] turn skate man i thought he [ __ ] you you should have gotten your turn

02:02:54

that's what i've been saying i'm glad you heard me when you needed to hear me you should write poems or something whoa that is so [ __ ] crazy that you say that because i [ __ ] do i didn't beat that [ __ ] thanks bro what the [ __ ] are you [ __ ] serious right now [ __ ] conversation whatever let's just get the [ __ ] battery before he gets a [ __ ] [ __ ] fit let's kick daddy's ass what let's kick his [ __ ] ass all our lives he's pushing us around do this carl do this teddy's timing knows

02:03:34

we got our limits we got bigger we're stronger hey we can take him right let's kick his [ __ ] ass [Music] where's everyone at quitting time eric's taking the rest of the guys is there more work you don't want to go with them believe me i mean you almost got carted off with them till eric realized she wasn't one of them illegals too illegals yeah you know immigrants guys

02:04:08

that ain't supposed to be here okay i'll tell you cause we're the same check it out eric came up with this thing where he makes him work and then he drops him off an immigration so we don't have to pay him smart huh what do they do with them they run some of them get shipped back to where they came from you see them scatter when they realize where they are cracks me up every time [Music] [Music]

02:04:59

[Music] who was it it was an illegal and it's now hey it's happening here it's been too easy for too long where are you taking us my car that's my [ __ ] card what the [ __ ]

02:06:02

[Music] [Music] he was going to send you to immigration i mean i'm an ambulance you okay oh you [ __ ] [Music] okay you ready i was born ready a minute

02:07:11

40 seconds after you okay remember don't sit good okay so get him from the left punch him in the dick hold him down all right okay okay what if he's already right now skip step one straight to the zip to the dick okay on my mark on three one two three hold on hold on hold on we got voicemails happy birthday teddy happy birthday carl i can tell thoughtful [ __ ] let's go get that battery

02:07:54

[Music] [Music] what shall i do with myself shall i say put myself [Music] here yeah [Music] we gather here today to celebrate the life of henry dunn

02:08:46

who has now returned to his home with [Music] just know that henry what shall i teach but myself what shall i change to put myself [Music] along [Music]

02:09:51

it was all right now you try i can't do it oh come on yes you can come on okay ready [Laughter] all right yeah one two okay i'm not meant to be upside down not unless your father's behind me oh jesus mom don't be disgusted

02:10:43

or how do you think you got here god will you stop i think he goes in my school well if he goes to your school and you should be the one flatting with him i'm good come on he's half decent good job maybe he's got a car i said i'm good was it another boy another girl she's this mom i don't give a [ __ ] as long as you're happy and she's got a car i just don't really want a boyfriend right now that's all what kind of 14 year old girl doesn't want a boyfriend i'm busy busy with what or stuff

02:11:29

i'm thinking of running for class president [Laughter] oh wait for real yeah i mean maybe i just i don't know i don't i don't know if i'm the type of person that people would vote for or really even like or whatever so why wouldn't they like you you're smart you're kind you're pretty you can do a freaking underwater handstand i'm just saying i would vote for you hey you know what i never actually graduated maybe i can go back and finish the 10th grade just so i can vote for you oh yeah thanks i'm sure your one vote would really just

02:12:00

send me over the top maybe i don't know i'm just not the type of person that people notices so are they gonna notice you your nose is always in a book okay well college admissions offices will notice me so yeah it's my turn to teach you something if you want something you got to go out and get it and you can get anything you want if people like you it's all about accentuating what you already got and i'd like to tell you that titties are coming but they're not from both sides of the family you come from a long line of title swimming so turn up the charm hey handsome uh two pinas coladas please

02:12:41

uh make one of them virgin for her or half urgent i'm not sure and can you just uh add it to the tab you got going from 219 and the name it's graciela campos thank you mrs campos thank you what it's just a teeny tiny little lie the real graciela would dispute the charges victimless crime okay well you just named the victim and the crime plus you literally just said if people like you you can get whatever you want well sometimes to get people to like you you gotta not be you at all gotta piss wicked okay now remember the

02:13:17

daughter of gracious campos were visiting from philly for the medical supply convention just give them some details that sound like you're the kid of someone who sells doctor [ __ ] oh gee thanks mom you're really giving me a lot to work with here will you please where would that like have him rub some of this on you okay hey hi that's my daughter could be a possum it's [ __ ] out possums are [ __ ] meow all of a sudden

02:13:50

you had a [ __ ] phd in possums now possum hd what the [ __ ] do you know [ __ ] cat you idiot maybe we can keep him name him drinking i'm keeping that [ __ ] cake hey hey hey what the [ __ ] are you doing hey scaring them out of the wall they hate this [ __ ] they're [ __ ] you know what let's face this [ __ ] [ __ ] huh me cut it out [ __ ] i told you what i tell you about hitting this household huh and where's your mother and your sister your mother answering her texts i don't know mom mentioned something about going on a girl's day or some [ __ ] so what when once you say that when they asked if i could come

02:14:21

you gotta be kidding me hey how come we never do a boys date cause i can't stand you too [ __ ] what the [ __ ] is your deal oh [Music] excuse me can i ask who it was you were staying with again uh i'm uh uh uh gracielas

02:15:22

kid um campos were we here with with the um the medical supply convention well you know she is my mom she's a doctor you know hot monitors and uh she's my mom hey what the hell's going on over here someone's been charging items to graciela campos's account without graciela's permission yeah well i'm graciela and did you get to the bottom of the particular situation i'm terribly sorry man perhaps there was

02:15:54

a mix-up at the register uh i'm sorry there's no mix-up i'm graciela campos and that must be the other bathing suit that was charged to my room where'd you get the bathing suit miss oh i got this at um uh she's speechless as am i this is a goddamn outrage i don't know who this hag is this swindler but i'm graciela campos oh okay okay is this for real if she's a real graciela then prove it you got id on you i'm wearing a freaking tankini oh yeah

02:16:25

well i do you [ __ ] that's mrs campos we want to do everything we can to avoid causing a scene you do not want to [ __ ] with me i will sully the name courtyard park hotel on tripadvisor they'll be calling it prison yard park hotel are you will hear from my [ __ ] lawyer i will eren brockovich this [ __ ] oh hey my [ __ ] purse hey no running i got noticed yet yeah i bet he did oh thanks

02:17:00

[Music] oh my god god we did it oh she didn't know what hit him dang raziel is quite the party girl i kind of like this [ __ ] now huh was a kid i feel bad you feel bad for what cause i messed up completely forgot the line [ __ ] panic hey hey don't you ever apologize for being better than me ever you hear me yeah yeah hey i saw

02:17:40

a sign at the hotel that said murphy family reunion let me go back to my r b murphys i don't think we can go back to the koyat park hotel for a very long time probably ever [ __ ] the coyote hotel doubletree's got free cookies i hate those cookies so is my ass they don't stop me get that will ya hey don't tell your father you drove okay hey where the [ __ ] were you two huh at the library at the library really come here wow your bet don't smell like books huh where i got a pack hotel

02:18:14

well again with the pool hopping [ __ ] donna come on hey build me a pool and i'm gonna have to drive to the west side to find one you're in construction for christ's sake just build a hole in the ground and fill it with a hose i'm gonna dig a hole back there right yeah i'm gonna jump the [ __ ] in finally so i have to deal with you twos anymore all right all right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah sorry that yeah yeah just getting inside when i go watch out for something what is this i don't remember buying you a goddamn bathing suit you didn't graciela did wait who's who the [ __ ] is gracious come here don't be dragging our daughter into your scheming [ __ ]

02:18:43

i'm sorry i've been a bad girl yeah i know i don't want the liar to be a bad girl hey delilah's a good kid okay all right look one dollar is trouble enough don't need another one i got you something what'd you get no you didn't oh my god you got me clams they come with the bellies because i am not paying for a box of breadcrumbs come on who loves you [Applause] what's that smell tuna trying to get a cat from a wall supposedly i can't it's a [ __ ] cat when i find it i'm gonna strangle this thing

02:19:23

hey you better not be wasting my goddamn tuna you [ __ ] open it you eat it hey sit down we're sitting at the table like prop up people i'm [ __ ] kidding around please your sister has an announcement to make i do yeah tell him about the school thing tell him i'm running for class president what no this is just a popularity contest no yeah so what 40 popular of a sudden now d huh not really she thinks she's better than people because she reads books they're just jealous because you can't even read

02:19:53

i can read okay carl spell restaurant i mean right now what is this [ __ ] hobbit because you can't i can you know what i can spell [ __ ] you [ __ ] you hey hey hey hey hey shut the [ __ ] up i think this election thing will be good for her you know get her out of her shell i mean she'd be popular she's just quieter why does she care if people [ __ ] like earlier i mean [ __ ] them if people aren't [ __ ] now they're going to become [ __ ] later mark my [ __ ] words down yeah well you got a big head stop all right thanks for the pep talk everybody i got us clothing nerd

02:20:26

no hey hey come here come here come here come on i'll take you to the star tomorrow and we'll get some poster board and sequins and glitter and puffy paint and all that can't win a campaign without campaign posters huh who's gonna pay for all this your friend graciela because i ain't paying for [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah yeah she's gonna win this thing mark my words oh it's a waste of time it's where's the goddamn money hey eat your clown belly's goddamn gloomy gus i saw his head [ __ ] you okay sort of chris i'm gonna put him on the wall with that goddamn cat you and i raising a couple of [ __ ] morons you know that one future [ __ ] president

02:21:02

go get him kid would you get your elbows off the goddamn table yeah i'm [ __ ] fine it's okay [Music] hey excuse me do you have a minute to talk about the blood drive no hey we need volunteers to pull the orange juice we're gonna punch someone in the face till they need a blood drive chill let's just go table the table you don't meet the people no i hate the people well i need the people to like me so smile for once in your life you're in an oddly upbeat mood my mom's

02:21:37

helping me rock the class president damn your mom for real be nice i don't know what's more surprising you putting yourself out there like this or your [ __ ] mom being helpful all right give her a break you know she tries sometimes hey hi hey i'm dell this is natalie it's a gay straight alliance thing or i hate the people we're holding a blood drive next week

02:22:07

it's for our hockey team you know our goalie got her pretty bad yeah dude took a blade to the jugular vein just ripped open and blood was spurting everywhere like a [ __ ] faucet he almost bled to death right on the ice and then when the paramedics finally came they were slipping and sliding in all this blood and one of them actually threw up it was a [ __ ] [ __ ] show yeah but you know they was able to save them thanks to people chipping in and donating their blood like you guys so what do you think

02:22:42

what's in it for me uh the satisfaction of helping others do we got out of class yes i should have just opened that hey uh while i'm here i'm also running for class president so you know maybe if you're like you'd vote for me i was copying my english online oh yeah she's a [ __ ] english steve aunt i don't know what that means yeah exactly but with her doing your homework you won't have to

02:23:13

so works for me hey didn't you and your dumpster fire of a mom get thrown out the courtyard park hotel the other day it's oxy right not crack or is it both hey ugly buddy eat a dick you know what i'm thinking i'll run for class president maybe my campaign platform could be crack it's whack yeah i heard eric powers like your crack by the way just because you take it in the s doesn't mean you're still a virgin

02:23:44

so yeah [ __ ] you thanks i'm sure that'll help me get elected i'll [ __ ] them hey why do you care what those [ __ ] think anyway all right don't [ __ ] those holes i gotta go my mouse picking me up i'll see you tomorrow where's ma she don't feel so good let's get in [Music]

02:24:26

come on get him [Music] hey dell this shit's expensive yeah well this shit's necessary house of people supposed to vote for me if they don't know who i am i'll tell you what you don't need a [ __ ] poster board all you need is a black sharpie right you want to remind people to vote for you you can write your name on the bathroom walls that's how i got your mom's number my promise puffy paint hey what are you doing um i like the pink but i think the green might be more gender neutral

02:25:04

tender what what the [ __ ] is gender neutral hey look look at me i ain't buying you both okay so just pick one so we can please get the [ __ ] out of here this would have been more fun with ma yeah well clearly your mother's not here i know hey kid like what are you what are you doing all this well what all this all this [ __ ] you know this goddamn popularity contest doing all these fake [ __ ] for votes come on i don't know i like helping people that's so bad there's a cheaper way of helping people by doing nothing and

02:25:35

staying out of the [ __ ] way you know it's better than begging for attention from a bunch of [ __ ] jack wagons who ain't worth your weight and spit maybe i want to be noticed for once for something good okay i notice you you know you can dimash and closes you yeah well people don't really say nice things about me well not me but you wanted me about your mom call it the green you know green reminds people of money these people are

02:26:16

[ __ ] greedy you think yeah no doubt we don't need the puffy paint [ __ ] that we're getting a puffy paint we're getting a second markers you and me we're gonna have a party come on ah hey hey hey hey what the [ __ ] you two bozos doing now trying to smoke with the cat smoking at the what are you [ __ ] crazy you're gonna burn down my goddamn house give me that

02:27:00

come on come on chop chop smoke out of the cat huh stop it that's what you're [ __ ] doing those are my kids here do me a favor you uh paint on this just uh so you don't make a mess and don't [ __ ] up my table please i was already [ __ ] up yeah because uh somebody doesn't know how to use a [ __ ] coaster house does he says all of a sudden this guy's pushing coasters mom stewart over here come on donna you can use anything as a freaking coaster why don't you use one of dell's books huh oh come on now shawna it's okay

02:27:34

it's okay no it's not hey hey relax i'll help him make another one do you know how much this [ __ ] costs huh no no you wouldn't because you didn't show up at the craft store like you were supposed to did you god quit being [ __ ] cheap it's not about me being cheaper right you're a [ __ ] embarrassment no your daughter here is busting her ass trying to become school president and you're not helping her all her friends snickering gossiping about you why are they saying i'm going outside phobia hold on

02:28:15

dad that is a great idea i'm coming with you hey dummy what the [ __ ] i just say huh i didn't say nothing about you yeah he's just tasting i'm sorry when i tell you about apologize for being better than me stop [Applause] he'll calm down you can call me whatever he wants he says things that's what he does ah what about what the hell

02:29:02

volfadel kind of loves that this because it's [ __ ] good ah should have been an artist or something dabbled back in the day dabble graffiti mostly that's perfect all right now let me hear that speech you guys oh it's not ready yet hey i'm gonna [ __ ] love you kid i don't even know that cause i [ __ ] love you so they have to at least like you or kill him

02:29:42

come on okay okay good morning hagler my name's del lucetti and i'm running for class president if elected i promise to not make any stupid promises that i can't keep because when i decide to do something i always follow through because i like helping people so that's why we're finally gonna watch those rancid pe pennies we're gonna put free tampons in all the girls bathrooms and we're gonna spackle over that

02:30:28

peephole coach porter left in the boy's locker room before his early retirement [Music] dell's a crack baby uh listen you can you can call me whatever you want you don't have to like me but you should know that i like you and

02:31:01

i want to do good stuff like this blood drive we're having for gordy um so i i hope you let me help you so what the hell flo fidel [Applause] [Music] peace i like your speech oh i mean they called me a crack baby but at least they knew my name um for real though gertie's like one of my best friends

02:31:54

i'm on the team too oh no [ __ ] yeah my blood drive thing that's a dope idea thanks for giving a [ __ ] and doing something most people don't yeah thanks i saw your mom she's a she's a right huh yeah yeah she's a maniac but she's pretty fun you're just going to one of our games sometime you know we'll just play you can bring your mom um or uh or no i mean just you can come whatever's good yeah yeah i'll come

02:32:27

okay i'll see you around [Music] my [Music] hey where's ma i gotta tell something ah delilah my speech it went she's gotta hear this delilah delilah one second i gotta go tell mom delilah please just come here what's wrong a guy um i gotta tell you something okay

02:33:22

but you gotta you gotta swear to me you gotta promise me that you're not gonna cry okay look here um your mother she did something she's just so really stupid and she's all she's not she's not coming back your mother's gone they said it was uh it was an accident hey you promised me you weren't gonna

02:34:05

cry don't cry i'm not gonna cry [Music] ah

02:34:59

[Music] hey why are you avoiding me i'm not how are you what do you think sorry it was a stupid [ __ ] question hey you know the elections in two days maybe i could help you hand out buttons or something

02:35:41

yeah i'm ready you know you wanted everyone to like you so maybe people are gonna vote for you because they feel bad no offense ah you're gonna do that blood drive that might be a good distraction from yeah hey pizza boats at lunch someone's gonna need to be the [ __ ] captain of that boat [Music] [Music]

02:36:34

oh [Music] but there always is the kind of man who likes to teach a nice girl what he can she was a nicer and she told it with her eyes she was a nice bell [Music] too good for all the guys but i always was the kind of man

02:37:32

breaking things miss are you all right what's your name name is julie campos i'm the daughter of graciela campos we're here for the medical supply convention the convention was last week it's all you gonna be all right hey i just wanted to say i'm sorry to hear about what happened and everything it's super sad and you know i'm just sorry and everything

02:38:43

for you and your family [Music] [Applause] [Applause] which one you suffered huh oh [ __ ] [ __ ] is this

02:40:03

[Music] found the cat [Music] [Music] what the [ __ ] bro you think you can just cut me the [ __ ] off back there you [ __ ] [ __ ] i'm [ __ ] talking to you hey look at me [ __ ]

02:40:48

oh wait wait wait no no look man i'm real sorry man just don't [ __ ] do it i didn't mean that's a cute cop is that your mother's car you have a safe [ __ ] trip yeah hey how far is ocala nine hours daddy let's go get that [ __ ] yeah [Applause] [Music] [ __ ]

02:41:30

[Applause] [Music] [Applause] okay guys oh you never eat at a table with the little kids because they're gross [ __ ] it's not over everything they touch around [ __ ] it's [ __ ] gross

02:42:12

i hate mushrooms i'll eat your [ __ ] mushrooms you guys want to see me down here hang out with a bunch of [ __ ] so cool i need to pee i bet you'll do all right you all know the drill and no cussing on the way to the van huh let's go girly don't you [ __ ] touch me i don't even go to your stupid school you keep that up and i'm gonna have to call your parents all right you check your bags for contraband [ __ ] school

02:43:38

where's the girl uh i don't know which girl you mean but the truancy cops just raided this [ __ ] [Music] who are you i mean kneeing that nark in the walls like that move over cape blanchett i think if i'm a spirit animal please tell me you're new here just uh on vacation or whatever in richmond hill why because mind your own business that's why oh she's sassy is there some sort of way we can bust

02:44:23

out here like a [ __ ] fire line we can pull or something you're low-key hilarious this is lunch detention not prison plus don't you need your bag and they'll give it back to you later but for now we should probably just chill and wait to see what the snack is they feed you during detention here don't worry if it's when we got some uh flaming cheetos stashed over non-fiction so you're hanging out with us after school that's a thing yep [Music] man this hotel is on some foster [ __ ] i can use that fancy lotion right yeah

02:44:59

take it take the soap take everything i don't care don't people mingle and [ __ ] at conferences shouldn't you be donna not yet i got to get settled gotta iron some shirts work on my speech brooke would just bail and get back to finding wayne no can't the superintendent's gonna be following up on how i do since she knows there's a chance to get some grant money how much cash we talking i don't know enough to buy some computers and you know other computer things but i can't do anything with the room like this oh [ __ ] you haven't even started on your

02:45:34

speech yet what yes i have you don't need what are you talking about you're procrastinating i do the same thing when i have a big paper dude i'll clean my room pick up those tiny fuzz balls off my sweater i wrote it okay basically it's all up here why don't you go relax by the pool downstairs because what's the point okay it doesn't even matter what i say we're never gonna get a grant and even if we did you know what the kids are gonna do with the technology it buys they're immediately gonna break it steal it or pour chocolate milk into it so what's the point you know they have a sauna down there too right you know what maybe you're

02:46:04

right we should brainstorm some ideas what do you got dude could you just go downstairs so i could watch my porn movies please get dressed how long are you in town for are you doing anything tonight oh [ __ ] yeah dude good call our super lame ass spring flings tonight no i'm not coming to your weird dance i don't even go here no no that doesn't matter i mean we can bring whoever we want his dates i am bringing this hot mess but i'm thinking we all go as a polyamorous lousy truffle yeah

02:46:42

can you imagine how hard they took their [ __ ] pants go eeked out this whole cake is already see that that's the international sign for cunnilingus but of course you wouldn't know that because you're dating after school boy right never you you got anyone a guy a girl no no i got a wayne what the [ __ ] is a wayne [Music] [Music]

02:47:36

i guess that's a [ __ ] way [Music] just the boy you had the little kerfuffle with he means the dangerous criminal who nail guns your hands to a van listen when i talked to the other cops the guys who wore actual uniforms i told them everything i knew excuse me uh so i'm assuming the hiring circumstances were similar to these gentlemen well i didn't find them on linkedin if that's what you mean japan of course i [ __ ] paid them and this is what i get for it right well that doesn't quite add up now does it

02:48:19

may i have my goddamn phone back please look the kids are on the road okay they need to eat now i know you want to think he's some kind of angel but if wayne got desperate we're gonna have some serious problems around here welcome to the fayetteville immigration detention center our menu options have changed for english press one you know i came across a gentleman in massachusetts who had the donda scheme he'd hire workers of questionable citizenship status and at the end of the day instead of paying them you turn them into immigration now i

02:48:50

hate to be rude so allow me to translate for our spanish speaking friends una vez kona si a [Music] not much of the school type are you people don't like me much i didn't like that much back yeah me neither i don't know he's always gonna be filled with boneheads as well as my house at least at school i got a decent lunch i was actually good at it you know and a

02:49:32

best friend i like that pink soap soap in the bathrooms it smells clean you got a weird thing with smells man you ever even read a book before comics count i read a book before yeah what was it called i don't remember was it about werewolves i guess there was also a lady who was part tarantula yeah of course it was

02:50:10

i don't know maybe it was just our school that was [ __ ] you know maybe if you want some place like this place it would have been different dude that was the tits just um nice to meet you hi okay so you are coming to spring fling with us oh yeah 100 yeah and we may need to make an entrance on your bike oh my god oh my god we should release doves if we find them like a stupid dance or people dancing for like stupid music

02:51:00

um exactly but just for shits and gigs to like rip on people ironically it's actually i don't know the jacks trying to get it in this don't you need good clothes again do stupid dance you know what actually it's a it's cool my dad's girlfriend uh we can go to my place she has all these psycho [ __ ] dresses that we can try on yeah oh my god and we could pre-game like hard on we're done pre-game i don't know maybe it'll be fun nothing they said sounds lucky no no no no we voted um seven of three you're going now

02:51:31

see you there ladies and gentlemen [Music] [ __ ] yourself for the love of christ with the two of you shut the [ __ ] up trying to see if these jaguars called about that demo job would you [ __ ] off with your sticky mitts [ __ ] machine man it's a piece of [ __ ] it won't work you hit seven hit seven then the access number what's the access number oh access number i don't know oh try

02:52:03

dell's birthday july 20th huh working yeah mr or mrs lucetti am i saying that right well this is vice principal walls from alabaster yeah she didn't have her student id and our systems down but we found your number in her bag so if you could uh come on in help sort this out dabbing i want some more sweets shut the [ __ ] up shut up [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ]

02:52:48

[Music] my dad's tragic tasting girlfriends did not disappoint look at the [ __ ] bridgette would your dad meet her in like a [ __ ] mental hospital or something is this fox dead yeah yeah i took those even roadkill deserves to be remembered that's wicked weird what wait wiki like we could like witch wicket what no wicked like really like if you see some dudes strutting down the street you're gonna be like

02:53:21

look at that jabroni this is wicked oh honey bless your heart why does everybody keep saying that i don't know it's like southern for i'm judging you anyway you should totally sleep over tonight and you should also come to our school like full-time oh my god yes dude it could be like this all the time like like the three wicked [ __ ] oh my god so good how do i look i like you in your regular clothes you need something too you know dude got

02:53:59

you got you uh yes this is from my dad's third leg you're gonna go bathroom don't you like it i got matching pants too okay yeah and just like middleweight champion marvin hagler hagler high can take a beating that's why i believe we can be a contender in the arena of education jesus but good juices or bad jesus bad jesus look if you can't talk of haggler to a bunch of nerdy ass principals who are

02:54:32

balls deep in education how do you expect to get through the wayne a kid who hates school what do you want me to do motivate me try to speak through here you're a freaking principal tap into why you wanted to be one in the first place honestly i didn't i took a gym teacher temp job next thing you know they made me principal that's some white privilege here right there that's what i said listen you got two options reach deep down inside and come up with a speech that'll inspire people to donate to our school or half-ass it like you've done your whole life instead of speech off the internet like your lazy ass students do

02:55:05

we go with b the second thing what the [ __ ] speeches for principle to lead is to listen to educate is to understand to inspire you must be more than a prince or a pal i like that i'm using it hey wayne can you grab my hair clip out of my bag [Music]

02:56:10

what the [ __ ] wayne you hear me [Music] oh no i need more color than this i'm gonna add some cilantro all right how's that look shades of robin hood really cilantro and the boy stealing from the rich helping the poor sarge we have now seen cases of arson assault a hole where a motherfucker's nose used to be and you're still going on like he's some type of choir boy

02:56:41

well [ __ ] you ain't gained a pound night yoga my friend how's connie good good she just self-published a kid's book about a couple of seashells learn to listen to one another well you gotta jiggle the handle jiggle it hard i want to thank you for sleuthing out that construction business i think i was considering that [ __ ] for my kitchen remodel the reason i tracked it down here mayor over in fayetteville

02:57:13

he's got every cop he can get out looking for a maniac who assaulted his son at a pit stop over in fairmont douse the kid in gasoline threatened to torch him guess what this particular maniac had a boston accent [Music] well get some more towels how fast is this thing flowing damn duty calls anything else develops i'll let you know all right so say we chalked this up to a

02:57:48

good kid having a bad week and he's just robbing her type you think he is then what what are you hoping to get out of this sarge i guess what i'm really wondering is do we need to protect wayne from the world or do we need to protect the world from wayne it's like trying to photograph this piece suit no matter how many filters i put on it doesn't change the fact that it still looks like baby [ __ ] you know what really pulls together ladies monocles you guys about this dance we like actually going to dance yeah that

02:58:22

depends yeah like if a half dope song comes on i'll be like oh yeah it's my baby girl what about you new england clam chowder oh you want to see something oh yeah i want to watch this all right you want to see something let's go oh dude what the crud what took you so long where's my hand clip can we talk not here hey i'm almost done will you stop acting like such a [ __ ] weirdo i think you should stay what yeah we're

02:59:04

staying for the dance in the movie fine i get it what the hell is wrong with you i just think if you want to stay you should stay so where the [ __ ] are you going you'll have more fun without me so you're just gonna [ __ ] leave real cool move dick i'll see you later then so should i cancel our pf chang's reservation you get real clunky about last minute [ __ ] [Music] you know what it is

03:00:11

guys be honest with me is this too [ __ ] much i'm not dude we look so [ __ ] elegant right now real we look like some top shelf polymeran's over here dude check out [ __ ] jeremy hey dude they have to actually be into it you toad [Music] hey you okay lady bro yeah man yeah fine hey you nutrition jenny yeah man i know

03:00:52

that those two uh that was too wild you know what i'm saying can you give this to him yeah sure buddy hey i can't promise anything right now i just got into some pretty dank nooks that's pretty sweet right every friday it's the same thing they come here or their mushroom pizza i hate mushrooms yeah yeah so does he you know he hates the music can hear the smell of the place he tells me every week when she's not listening and i tell him like man

03:01:26

i can make your pizza half mushroom half cheese but he wants it that way just so he can pick him up and give them to her sacrifice man hey they may not be eating mushrooms they know what to be eating later vintage per se best to watch the evidence in here it's the only room in the building not

03:02:06

affected by our unfortunate plumbing situation you sure about that we need you on the third floor oh look fellas i gotta go good luck all right so if we see legit video proof of this kid's on the verge of straight up fiery murder i just want to let you know just hit it jay it's not him that ain't him wait that's the [ __ ] i taste

03:02:44

being a leader is sometimes messy both for you and the people who work for you maybe you're positive you know the right road to take only to find out what i'm missing hey what are you doing down here i thought you won an alone time turns out i only need three minutes all right just be quiet i'm up next to lead is to listen to educate is to understand to inspire you must be more than a prince or a pal oh foxy oh no no no no no no no no no no

03:03:15

you steal your stolen speech that man should have scrolled to the second one i don't have to look any further than watching my own teaching staff in action i am incredible [Music] hey you like football no awesome yeah that's why i row oh honey bless your heart

03:03:57

[Music] me [Music] [Music] [Music] like she want more [Music] do you want to dance with me i don't know i swear to your hands

03:05:22

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] hey how you doing i'm uh i'm tom cole from hagler high in brockton massachusetts it's named after you know marvelous

03:05:53

marvin hagler the boxer 1980s no no when i was preparing for the speech someone told me to dig deep and speak from the heart so i did some digging you know what's in there hate lots and lots of hate hate for the kids my school my job but uh mostly hate for myself

03:06:30

and why are you here a gentleman wearing slacks with sandals would like to know why i'm here and obviously it's because i'm trying to get a grant for some electronics that'll end up being broken stolen or [ __ ] on yeah that's a true story fyi last time we got tablet somebody took an actual [ __ ] on one yeah so you know now we need new tablets but you know where that [ __ ] comes from your ass now it comes from us it comes from the top and then that [ __ ] trickles down

03:07:01

hell i can't even i can't even look most of the kids in the eye because if i do their snotty pierced faces just remind me that i'm failing them you know maybe some of you have given up too we know that sandals with slacks clearly has okay i mean jesus i mean that's a bad jesus by the way we know this guy has okay because he stole that same speech that i was

03:07:32

gonna do he stole it from the internet sorry so all i'm saying is we got to work harder you know maybe we got to change first before we ask them to so you'll buy him some [ __ ] ipads thank you i thought we were wearing dumb stuff so what's dumb about that i think they say they want to go for real yeah no yeah i just mean

03:08:23

who even are we now you know what what are we gonna do after we find that car i really talked about that dropouts now i guess i just i don't know i thought maybe i never really have a chance to uh do this so i got scared i'm seeing you at school with friends you look happy going to fancy houses this is one house

03:09:13

i just don't want to take you away from a life you might like or maybe you want i don't know it's not like i want to stay even i don't if you know no matter what i do i wanna i wanna do it with you or whatever you know i don't wanna i don't wanna do it without you [ __ ] idiot all right

03:09:58

[Music] huh you [ __ ] nuts coming to my house you [ __ ] bust up my television a 32-inch fracking zenith you're kidnapped my [ __ ] daughter [ __ ] shut your [ __ ] mouth delilah they're beating up [Music] wayne [Music] [ __ ] stop come here take my [ __ ] nose [ __ ] how'd you pretty boy go get those goddamn bolt cutters we're taking the nose with us huh oh jesus christ

03:10:54

[Music] [Music] [Music] if i could fall a thousand miles [Music] i think elena if i were him gives you the state of mind i'm probably tired whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa this is about soup jay we got real proud nah i found the videos that the lucetti

03:12:00

boys have been posting from their trip look at that last post [Music] oh my god those men dude is that wayne yeah [Music] christ on crutches [ __ ] you're right there's a little robin hood [Music]

03:12:30

disney [Music] ah peanut butter won't eat oh [ __ ] gator you sold me won't eat why'd you name it peanut butter cause i fed him peanut butter once and he didn't eat it so i named it him peanut butter [ __ ] you just say peanut butter's a girl how the [ __ ] you know that on account of the lack of penis and the presence of a clitoris that peanut butter had when i sold you peanut butter well now i

03:13:24

want to return peanut butter for two goddamn reasons you got your receipt you didn't give me no [ __ ] receipt man i'll give you no receipt cause i don't take no returns we'll make him in a boot stand her [ __ ] i'm not make her into boots then not a service i offer and besides peanut butter a little smaller than megan in the booth don't you think that's cause peanut butter won't [ __ ] eat

03:13:59

look man bottom line i don't take animals back come brende now i gotta go make those two horses [ __ ] so if we could be down here that'd be great yeah yeah [ __ ] watch me again [Applause] [Music] [Applause]

03:14:31

[Music] just a little father you're going to be oh jesus [ __ ] you got more gross color skin than regular color skin but we got gotta go to the hospital i don't go to hospitals you know my uncle rick didn't go to hospitals either got a splinter at work one time thought he could put neosporin on it go right back to being an [ __ ] and then he gets an infection well you know what he got for nice baby he got [ __ ] dead wayne we got to go

03:15:26

to the hospital we can't these people looking for us um hey you guys got in the ice yeah i actually have something much something much better dear rogues i don't take drugs oh sure you do okay my dad got a bunch of really good [ __ ] after his botched post-divorce vasectomy okay available good boy [Music] let's go you are gonna thank me crazy by the way if you wanna like hook up or

03:16:13

anything that's totally fine because i won't hear anything because i'll have these giant earmuffs on my ears also known as jenny's thighs jesus thanks i think we're good good morning why are you looking at me like that like white like you want to roll me up in a [ __ ] rug i'm just happy to see you

03:16:54

why are you in a tub you're in a tub you know am i in the tub i couldn't sleep with jenny and trish going at it all night i swear i think i heard jenny say she lost a tooth in the middle of it what you're pretty wait a sec you're high as [ __ ] oh you took another pill mister i don't take drugs oh yeah as [ __ ] oh [ __ ] his [ __ ] dad is here what everybody be totally [ __ ] silent i should introduce myself

03:17:42

i have to say that i'm putting in a tampon sorry i'm wayne it's an honor hey man well you must be jenny's boy you're a boy thank you for letting me stay here in your really nice home although if i'm being honest i went upstairs in the night time and i had a bunch of you sandwich meats for that i'm sorry oh no no no no no no think nothing of it think nothing of it i i want to thank you for taking my daughter to the dance i mean you are welcome here anytime oh no sorry your daughter and the

03:18:19

lesbian girlfriend friend they went to the dance together because they are lesbians i went with my friend though we're not lesbians but yeah it was an honor sir did you just out me to my [ __ ] dad huh what the [ __ ] did you just say the the uh the horry one with the mustache in the hat she said the white old ball [ __ ] will always have her hat i bet she's banging that guy with a boat

03:19:01

a [ __ ] rack on her though right mr lucity ah jesus christ these [ __ ] knob jobs let me guess the two of you you jumped into your smart car right and then you drove down here as fast as you could just to tell me that you didn't find my daughter again right nissan leaf sir that's a car it's a [ __ ] ferry car for [ __ ] fairies if 151 miles per battery charge makes me a fairy then fit me for a pair of wings now we're following up on last night's

03:19:39

event when you were savaged by the school children whoa whoa whoa you know what slow your [ __ ] roll ginger okay nobody beat me up there was like 50 of those little [ __ ] shits running all over the place like little people but not that type of little it's still very powerful in large numbers you know i blame you for this this is your [ __ ] fault yours [ __ ] yours patty you were right the hat lady is banging the guy in the boat shut the [ __ ] up you know what you go down into the [ __ ] hallway and you find that [ __ ] nurse lady with the goddamn sideburns and you find

03:20:10

me some [ __ ] morphine and you get it now they're both you get the [ __ ] out of that wheelchair yeah mr luceri listen to me you [ __ ] british [ __ ] you british if you had done your job i wouldn't be tracking my kidnap daughter all over the goddamn country and sitting in a [ __ ] hospital bed now pipe down all right if you want to find your daughter sharing information is only gonna work to our advantage yeah

03:20:42

okay okay yeah all right come here hey what you can start your job by following through and checking out how many visitors you're allowed to have in this [ __ ] hospital because i'm pretty sure that it's not [ __ ] 12. damn we went the other way with that one let me know if you think of anything helpful mr lechetti yeah why don't you go [ __ ] yourself somebody in this [ __ ] white [ __ ] box get me some [ __ ] drugs or a [ __ ] drink something or some weed

03:21:14

we're in georgia not the most pleasant man in the world huh yeah it seemed worse well i got to get in there and update these reporters in a few what's the status of his injuries a couple of broken bones collapsed lung not clinging to life or anything lisa's from out of town and i don't have to put up with any visitors a lot of times the only people who visit [ __ ] are other [ __ ] so has anybody come to sam since he's been here not that i've seen huh all right thanks guys

03:21:45

uh-huh i'm about to make a star out of this chicken and star soup you know what i mean i don't your father what you told me you two didn't exactly have the most smooth-sailing relationship huh more pops you could definitely say that she wasn't beating on me he was beating on my sisters son of a [ __ ] was mean all the way to his grave so no love lost there well i love him he was a pain in the ass but i still miss him every [ __ ] day

03:22:17

steal my pops hey sarge you got a moment come on this looks just huge it'll last forever i don't think it's got gopher stuffing it like vitamins and all that like aren't you some pretzels don't get vitamins i'm pretty sure they do right pretzel vitamins no big licorice i gotta piss wicked you pick but i expect you to have big pretzel vitamin muscles when i come back what can only be described as a full-scale draw broke out at this point police are trying to understand why a group of teenagers from a local

03:23:02

high school transformed into a violent angry mob leaving one boston man clinging to life we don't have all the details as to what role the victim won bobby lucetti played in the incident but we are looking for thoughts and prayers because well it could go either way i'll also take this licorice oh my god oh jesus it smells like everything died in there what's this licorice i know but why

03:23:42

we wanted it oh you are a gentleman we going is what your dad's in the hospital how do you know shot on the nose from the store it must be real bad i guess they're asking people to pray and stuff so i got to say goodbye to my dad i'm just thinking it might be good you know for

03:24:45

you you know i'm not saying that he's [Music] he might be [Music] just [Music] i will

03:25:22

i go i'm gonna change [Music] 13 we should be careful you nervous no no i'm good he thanks for you know coming in disappoint me or whatever well you mean not coming to the hospital i can't do that well why the hell not well people are dying there

03:26:14

yeah i know [Music] traction on these hospital socks is unreal jay we need to stay alert okay i'm starting to feel like this plan is a big old waste of time yeah i don't know and one step behind it every turn maybe it's time we let him come to us huh that's counting on a lot of things these kids got to watch the news and even then dale's got to care about her father enough to stick her neck out for his crazy ass you said it yourself never underestimate

03:27:08

how complicated that father child bond can be okay i feel like i can walk up a wall in these bad boys yeah well physics will prove you wrong [ __ ] my bad just uh feeling a little upset over here let me get you something cookies chips anything you want ah you know what

03:27:42

too late you got cookies there you go ah thanks hey man sit hang out you ever get a girl pregnant no well i [ __ ] did yep 19 of my life's [ __ ] over all right [ __ ] pee you know how young that is 19. [ __ ] young bruh i mean i'm a kid still [ __ ] you ever been bungee jumping huh me neither what about water skiing

03:28:35

you ever been water skiing [ __ ] that sounds fun doesn't it what about sushi ever tried sushi no no what about a water buffalo never seen one of them oh god [ __ ] i'm [ __ ] dying over here dying he's dying you need to get yourself together i will restrain you i ain't kidding why won't you give me something for the [ __ ] pain hey you're supposed to be helping me out i need some [ __ ] morphine i can't give painkillers to an alcoholic but jesus called me i did not call you

03:29:15

anything who the hell did whoever the hell filled out your intake forms why the [ __ ] did you say i was an alcoholic we didn't i just said that you enjoy eight drinks a day

03:29:49

you said what we can't lie these are official government papers we could get sequestered you [ __ ] kidding me it's tapioca that's it [ __ ] eyeballs i don't want to get scared [Music] [Music] [Music] get me a god damn [ __ ] drink [ __ ] it's tres leches means three milks those little butter cookie [ __ ] are addictive

03:30:54

you ever do cocaine i need cocaine once god i love cocaine how old are you again [ __ ] me man that's what i'm talking about jumping on the back of that thing leaving the [ __ ] behind moving like an outlaw that guy's got it made never know my dad didn't stick around that turned out all right maybe better we don't know right

03:31:44

my left when i was five my dad stayed he didn't have to but he did wasn't always the best dad but he stayed how many girls you got sex with huh i think i'm up to nine no wait tanya boyd ten ten we gotta go to the packy

03:32:21

well hello there who's this jagoff it's bradley he's having a baby sucks for him yeah it does we gotta go good pose [ __ ] yeah we do well what about your dad is he in there yes and he's not dead so why are we getting booze we should go now i'm gonna get some jaeger oh we should get cocaine maybe why is he here you bought me cookies can he buy his booze yeah i got a fake id says my foot taller and 40 pounds fatter can we just hurry the [ __ ] up please do not get her pregnant [Music]

03:32:55

the hell are you making that milk half and half it's a cape cod [ __ ] my dad invented it sometimes during the summer if we had a little extra money my dad would rent a trailer from his front big [ __ ] that was big [ __ ] big barry they'd pocket down at the trailer park down by the beach for a couple days swimming all that i think it was just a bunch of ingredients big [ __ ] i'd lying around the trailer but my dad would let me make these for him i thought it was cool because i was 9 or 10 and it was booze but

03:33:26

probably just let me make him cause he's lazy now don't wait down oh god that's rude hell pal i'm coming with you no i don't want you to now foul no i don't want you to catch a cold or some [ __ ] i don't like hospitals cause of my dad cause they told me he was gonna die in the hospital and he only got sick in the hospital and they told me he was never going to get better there and nothing ever worked when they tried to make him better

03:34:03

so it just makes me remember all this i just don't like him but i went for him now i'm gonna go for you so can i come in or whatever don't expect a goddamn medal um [ __ ] sick are those all dead oh i don't know let me ask excuse me are you guys dead yep the [ __ ] dead yeah there's the son of a [ __ ] right [ __ ] there no [ __ ] doubt

03:35:12

dude cut the [ __ ] you can't be punching dead bodies this guy killed my partner i don't give two goddamn wait this cannot have a mustache [ __ ] oh you [ __ ] idiot my batman i think it's okay to go oh yeah

03:35:53

i had my dad was different before my mother died no you we all were i guess but oh he wasn't only such a dick or maybe it was and my mom made him less or or better or whatever but if he goes i got no one are you doing now though right but for one in

03:36:47

[Music] june [Music] [Music] [Music] is [Music] it's a thousand things

03:37:44

i'm just saying it's a lot of bread nobody told you to order the [ __ ] chambada yeah i'm gonna return it okay well make sure you please please don't embarrass me in front of that fine ass cafeteria lady i'm gonna exchange this for a potato make sure you tell my girlfriend beyonce in the cafeteria i'm looking forward to lunch tomorrow too sorry so

03:38:34

[Music] um claire hey daddy brought you a cape called coley hey okay coming home you dying cops said you was dying cops lie you you you [ __ ] what are you doing in my goddamn room bye daddy wayne mccullough he's here he's in the

03:39:40

hospital steady i just want to talk stop bad shoe choice wayne it's okay hi delilah take a beat now i'm here as a friend yeah my name is sergeant stephen geller i'm from brockton just like you born there ray's there

03:40:24

he town spot pizza just like you you like town spot pizza okay cafe is better by a [ __ ] mile a lot of people would agree with that i'm like wayne dell i'm here not as a police officer are you a police officer not officially right now a bit off the clock on this so we don't have to listen to you officially right now huh look i've i've done a lot of

03:40:58

thinking about what i was going to say to you and now i don't know what i'm going to say to you i want to give you something that you've never been given and that's a chance to get out all right before you get caught up in the current of a life you never wanted to begin with but i need you to trust me trust you cops lied and said my dad was dying yeah okay well that's what i'm trying to help once other police officers get involved

03:41:34

once you get down to florida and god knows whatever's waiting for you down there [Music] whoa [Music] wayne i know the kind of man your father was you don't have to be like your father wayne goddamn what happened they just left go go

03:42:39

get out of the way don't shoot me bro i get a little boy in the way i'm gonna be a dad i'm gonna be a dad hello thank god sasha you think about your boy now no more chances [ __ ] god damn it what the [ __ ] dammit thank you

03:44:23

[Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] i'm [ __ ] starving you share candy f6 there's only one dipstick i'm gonna give you my spectrums plate how about these nah they get that coconut [ __ ] taste

03:45:47

they get sour sauce this one easy yeah holy [ __ ] what they got free coffee no milks that's crema you dummy he's good though maybe he's still half a coffee [ __ ] florida hey you should get some shorts i don't wear shorts never never well you were at the beach i know i never been to the beach at least not as a bigger person what'd you wear when you were a little person yes okay

03:46:33

how far is the beach we're going pants with no pants they got maps all right looks like the beach is this far how far is this pretty fair then once we get that car whoa come on [ __ ] hey grab a 30 rack and i'm flaming hot oh i'm grabbing ice bag i'm gonna get the blunt wraps yup about eat mint chocolate chip and get high as [ __ ] [Music] oh i'll go right ahead

03:47:21

hey give me some great swishy boys you gonna pay for them this time how about you be your swishy boys getting [ __ ] and shut the [ __ ] up sour yeah want some coffee [Applause] [Music] hahaha what the [ __ ] [Music] better clean that [ __ ] off my car [ __ ] you okay [ __ ] asking

03:48:28

[Applause] [Music] um last chance [ __ ] [Music] clean so man there's no way you could chuck a beer in two seconds would you two stop butt chugging in my [ __ ] house

03:49:37

your lucky ice melts [Music] [Music] the [ __ ] was that my dad's car are you [ __ ] kidding me that that's the car the one that's driving away it was gold you never told me it was [ __ ] gold what what the [ __ ] what are we gonna

03:50:27

what are we gonna do we're gonna go get it away oh my god what the [ __ ] i cannot believe you let that car get away came all the way to [ __ ] florida if you let that [ __ ] car get away how the hell we gonna find them now [Music] let's go check it let's transpose to something look hey i'm driving richmond hospital

03:51:16

where's that i'm guessing somewhere around richmond hill i'm missing an hour and a half drive behind us well good that means we're that much closer to florida than those neanderthals we coming for you why you can't yell at the driver hey this hospital hashtag got some wild [ __ ] on it damn this used to be a dude's face look hey get that out of my [ __ ] face i'm [ __ ] driving orlando jesus christ you gotta [ __ ] kill both of us three [ __ ] in the lord's name in vain

03:51:54

what's wrong with you i'm sorry bud i'm starving why is nothing open maybe because we're in a bible bed on a sunday nothing's open i gotta eat soon once my blood sugar dips i'm just not my usual fun-loving self look if you get tired i can drive you're not driving all right look need a hot meal at any time of the day guaranteed there's only one place for you to go a strip club y'all made food in a strip club there was zero chance i'm going in there and

03:52:24

even less of a chance you are it's not funny orlando i told you about my blood sugar i'm serious i'm hungry and you bring me to a strip club jesus are they making ribs in there i think the strip club has a smoker hey all right all right just real [Music] and that's quick cool all right here's what we're gonna do it's no car so i cannot wire it you're getting the passenger side lay low while i sneak around fire it up or be out of here

03:53:04

before they can say what the [ __ ] what are you doing oh [ __ ] it's coffee boy homie [ __ ] [ __ ] [Music] [ __ ] up now cocky boy done that [ __ ]

03:54:38

i never dropped your beer what the [ __ ] the [ __ ] well you look just like your father [Music] so isn't this nice hmm everybody sitting together like family support there's fruit in the salad yeah i know it's um part of that food pyramid or whatever you know maybe it's good that the party was canceled because it's just more for us that's right and i don't know why i'm always feeding those animals anyway

03:55:48

those are my friends mama well one of your friends took a dump in my nice plant pot mama can you cut the meat off my ribs what you know you do it like i like oh come on what's the matter with you cut your knee for you weirdo he come out of you huh him no this is calvin's boyfriend before reggie comes out of what i call an f'ed up relationship i f'ed up and had relations with someone

03:56:19

after too many tall boys oh my god i must be relief he's not yours no offense no i'm taken hey coffee boy got lucky today almost got took it out by chamomile why'd you call him chamomile because he puts my buckets to sleep i'm still awake for now wow does anybody want more potato salad because it's so good it's very fancy it's got the skin still and it's got those tiny little greens oh my god i'm sorry do you not care how your son's

03:56:49

been doing for the past 11 goddamn years has it been 11 goddamn yes really you know i noticed you's taller oh yeah since he was five that's kind of how it works hey okay that was a joke and i thought it was good stop you know what you should really stop laying out in the sun you aren't against distracting me from your one fake tit that's bigger than the other fake tit all right what the [ __ ] calm down better than me do you think you're better than me calm that's dead

03:57:28

cancer from his job yeah we always work too much i told him i said those fruit those fumes they're gonna get you which worked out in my favor just saying well maybe he rest in peace right who wants dessert everybody's saving room because i got men's [ __ ] eh mama what can you give me some more hot seed

03:58:05

please sure [Music] oh hi you ain't getting in here little man crystal's kid 15 bucks i'm crystal's accountant then write that [ __ ] off i get a receipt just a joke accountant humor good day how did you know there was gonna be a crystal dude there's always a crystal

03:59:12

[Music] these places they never made sense to me you got all these women they got their clothes off okay they never ever would do it with you and you pay them your money you get up you go home you're all worked up it's like paying a restaurant to smell the food dude could you just shut up and enjoy the naked it's the naked the nekki you know

03:59:43

look there's the buffet [Music] naked whoa few rules never take the top plate yeah always use the target and never get the laughs yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there's always a fresh batch on his way yeah sorry i wasn't listening well that was [ __ ] delightful what are we still doing here she made a supper oh yeah mother of the [ __ ] year now can we please take a car and get the hell out of here there you [ __ ] is

04:00:31

hey you want to see something depends what it is it's my birthday present i'm taking your boyfriend come on [ __ ] hurry up oh you two go play nice huh yes mama i give you some help with the dishes in there oh okay you want me to go get your husband or whatever he is yeah sure if it ain't a car my tits he ain't putting his hands on it thanks for that picture i'll tell you something else ever since i started wearing these rubber gloves to do dishes

04:01:13

my nails they just don't break so much oh is that right yeah and i used to be a manicurist hey do you know how everyone thinks that their toes are the most disgusting well they're right wow that's a great story morning maybe we'll make a movie on but what was my worst job let's see the [ __ ] is wrong with this thing there's nothing wrong with that thing i made that yeah jeez i did i took a pottery class at the rec center and i thought it was gonna be like ghost

04:01:44

but you know what i didn't see a single patrick swayze so i quit i didn't need that that shit's hotter than it looks what's hard showing up what oh look at you you got a mouse on you you know what you know what you remind me of me oh yeah you were my man my aunt linda well yeah she liked to make pottery no she liked to make meth also left the family then she blew herself up in a shitty trailer i don't got to explain myself to you yeah you're right i ain't the one you gotta explain

04:02:16

anything to well he seemed like he turned out just fine you don't know anything about him my life was very complicated back then she's [ __ ] chris everybody's life is [ __ ] complicated you know don't make it right you running out on your family oh yeah it's your family whoops [Music] i'm just [ __ ] with you

04:02:58

here she she's a beauty yeah did some head work get the horsepower over 325. one of the few gas guzzlers left tell all them [ __ ] hippies got all uppity about the environment [ __ ] hippies it's a relic from another era plus the backseat's good to do the [ __ ] end

04:03:39

so wayne you come all this way just have a salad with fruit in it hmm you like cars certain ones you know anything about them certain ones well this one runs hot real hot you don't want it to overheat [Music] top it off you know reg i actually got this car from wayne's old man no [ __ ] he loved it it just became too much for him to handle damn you know what i heard yeah what'd you

04:04:24

hear you stole it so that don't sound right seeing as though i got the title and the keys oh [ __ ] thanks daddy well i got a bunch of postcards with a picture of a [ __ ] and a stupid mustache on him [Music] look hey keep your punk beach ass hands off my you're out of bait [ __ ] daddy i will whip that boy's ass shut

04:05:07

the [ __ ] up richie what happened nah don't worry nothing broke with the stuff like both i got it i got it [Music] i'll pick see you up there this is stupid i got more pictures you know of you from when you was little come on yeah it's one ugly ass fish does it sing a song or something oh no that's real

04:06:03

i mean it was real the boys caught it they love noodling what the [ __ ] is noodling oh wait i don't care ah good blam here we go come here handsome look how cute you were still is how's a baby get a shiner gave it to himself yeah took your father's hammer went out to your big rail tried to bash it took one swing at that big plastic tire and

04:06:34

the hammer bounces back bam right in the eye maybe somebody should have been watching them you'd love to carry that hammer everywhere i i i never understood why you loved it so much but maybe because it had your father's name scratched into the handle i think in my name yeah yeah sweetie i know you're wise ass remember this when your brother tried to dress you up like a clown but instead of using makeup you use nail polish huh and not the not the

04:07:08

cheap stuff not the wet and wild like the pricey [ __ ] i went ape [ __ ] when i came home and seeing what he did to you took a whole bottle of acetone just to get that off was the burn like hell that was the crazy part i'm just rubbing this nail polish remover all over his face and he's just sitting there looking up at me smiling didn't cry once you used nail polish remover on his face well the rubbing alcohol didn't work doesn't matter you still got a nice face underneath all them bruises and [ __ ]

04:07:41

oh jesus christ your hair's so terrible it's okay let's get you some shampoo and some bathroom [ __ ] you know acetone free i promise i hate it look they got that show gel it's got mangles oh yeah oh you know we already got shower gel

04:08:17

it ain't all duty fruity but you know it'll do what are we doing here shopping i guess you know i can see that but wayne you got to come see this how stupid is this shirt saturdays [ __ ] you you know what your father sees somebody in this shirt he beat his ass might be my own ass ah yeah you are oh my god you got the exact same smile as him double line here single line there i used to love that

04:08:56

smile until he went and got all his teeth knocked out at that hockey game in taunton you know your father was a real hothead yeah [Music] we gotta take a picture we do we gotta do it ah hey dell take my phone here we go cheese oops cut your head off take another one

04:09:34

oh my fingers in the photo huh i'm not taking another me and my handsome boy i mean i look like garbage but whatever no i do still this one's going on the fridge for sure definitely all right well you're in florida i got to get your shorts right come on mind i'll never wear a shirt okay really shorts what do you think it's got pockets it's good right okay got a it comes with a belt

04:10:10

[Music] hey stacy let me know if i'm in your way by the way i really appreciated how you spelled out the alphabet with your body up there on the pole as an educator it's not lost on me where's the kid i said where's the [ __ ] kid i know i was taught not to speak with my mouth full maybe you could learn some manners [ __ ] hey [ __ ] you up how's that

04:10:51

for matters oh need some work what'd the kid do that little [ __ ] charged a round of drinks and a cash advance in my [ __ ] name oh uh hey uh crystal i haven't seen you since the last tax appointment uh by the way i have some documents i need you to sign in the card [ __ ] i don't [ __ ] know you i don't know you are that stupid-ass kid ed hey [ __ ] where is he oh where's the [ __ ] kid i don't know say it again yo the little [ __ ] in the champagne room

04:11:19

what and i got you some tighty whities what don't be shy there's no shame in having clean drawers excuse me miss i need to check the young lady's bag why what's the problem this girl was stealing what beard oil uh okay i'm sure there's some misunderstanding she obviously ain't got no beard yet sorry ma'am we got it on camera you break my heart like this huh oh gosh kids do such dumb [ __ ] i mean i know i

04:11:54

did when i was her age 15 right who isn't totally screwed up you know they got all these hormones that are just they're just running wild right do you think you could have a heart and just maybe look the other way and i promise i'm gonna set it down when i get home next time we will press charges oh you're safe i could kiss you you have my word i'm gonna send in one of those christian camps you know they put the lord on her she's not my [ __ ] mother oh here we go with

04:12:27

that one again i've been excommunicated sorry she did that thanks for helping her that's no big walk [Music] gonna try on your beard oil you're trying your shorts yeah lucky she stood up for you you could have gotten real trouble yeah she's a real goddamn peach

04:13:02

she went out of her way for you didn't [ __ ] ask her to why'd you do it why'd you start a fight instead of stealing the goddamn car what the hell we here for i found the bus sticking in your bag what when you're gonna leave me okay yeah yeah maybe i needed a backup plan maybe i wasn't thinking straight when i came here with you [Music] this whole [ __ ] time it wasn't even about the car it was about your [ __ ]

04:13:49

mother you're a liar no i'm not i just didn't know what i wanted and maybe i want it i don't know it's my family oh yeah yeah like the [ __ ] family that i left to come on this stupid trip for you she left you want to swing so do it again you left me once i'm not [ __ ] sleeping in here don't

04:14:45

you don't have to i need to take a shower okay all right we're leaving we left nice shirt really you're making fun of my shirt you're a shirt shamer nice vest let me know when you kill jason bourne that was fun no that was not fun that was not fun we could have got arrested or worse but we didn't so too i had to cover everything you spent okay i'm a high school principal i don't have a lot of extra cash just laying around now i know you think you

04:15:19

know a lot about life like how not to eat the last shrimp but you don't know [ __ ] about real life you're just a [ __ ] kid damn you hungry again already i'm sorry i went berserker i'm sorry i'm sorry nah that's okay it's kind of cool to have someone yet at me for once my grandma um she got dementia so jesus i had no idea

04:15:52

thinks i'm 47 years old what for real yeah i have to make sure the bills are paid you know make sure the gas is turned off sign the health insurance forms well no kids should have to deal with that you're looking out for me it's nice to have someone else beat the grown up for once in my life i don't know do you want to keep yelling at you no i'm good let's go find wayne yell at him instead we're going to take

04:16:25

you for an ice cream cone first you find one of those corn operated spaceships you go on a little ride i'll go [ __ ] yourself you know i think that stacy liked me you know like liked me like me she likes money too [Music] dell [Music]

04:17:08

dell [Music] there's a fallen tree by a creek sign that you've laid on and told [Music] keep you from moving [Applause] [Music] down

04:17:39

[Music] we were starting to slip away [Music] just starting to realize

04:18:22

[Music] i'm [Music] oh [Music] i'm fine it's gonna be okay [ __ ] out this is my [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] you [ __ ] dad [Applause] [Music] [Applause]

04:20:35

[Music] [Applause] [Music] hey excuse me you're gonna kill yourself no you're gonna steal some [ __ ] yeah i'm gonna steal the goddamn pool water why the hell is a community swimming pool needle secure to god anyway so kids don't break in and kill themselves or steal some [ __ ] yeah well you don't gotta worry about that you must be having one [ __ ] a night if this is the best place you can find

04:21:29

[ __ ] a couple of years but who's counting if you grab some of them foam kickboards and towels over there there's a really good place for you to sleep off whatever mess you're in keep your mitts off the pool chemicals in your ass on dry land i don't need to be rescuing nobody i'm a good chinos you hear me [Music] [Music]

04:22:30

um [Music] morning coffee boy oh don't worry i got you a bowl too oh [ __ ] look at that must be my lucky day no milk don't do more juice

04:23:42

that's your tummy no come from cow titties right scared of titties lactose intolerant [ __ ] someone hurt your tummy do you come over this way eat my [ __ ] cereal why cause you miss your mom or some [ __ ] or should i say mom mama oh god good morning mama uh i made your coffee for you the way you like uh excuse me but that alligator

04:24:19

took a crap on my front lawn again so just go clean that up i swear to god reggie's special needs you know when he was a kid we used to have to not take him to the beach no more because all he would do was eat sand just scoop after scoop could hear crutch in his teeth like disgusting they family's got cold teeth no he just likes looking like an [ __ ] oh i put some clean towels in your room for you and i put a couple in for your girl

04:25:02

oh um she don't need none she's she's gone you ever take me to the beach why are you making so i got my own candle business and um i sell them at swap meets i got erotic and non-erotic scents the the same they just got different names i like this one yeah it smells like a tree yes this is the woodsy one i love it you got very good taste you know i i told calvin that i need more space for my candles and whatever and

04:25:50

it's like like a work space right and he said oh no i need that extra bedroom for for my man cave he got a flat screen tv last year still sitting on the floor man cave please right more like a goddamn junk cave you know when you were a little baby you wouldn't go to sleep unless i let a candle in your room figure really you know i know it's gonna sound like some kind of um oh excuse or something but i think things

04:26:39

turn out the way they're supposed to with you you know with your father and me coming here it's like your daddy can be some kind of hellion which is the boozing and no fighting so many neighbors would just like up and leave just because just haven't lived in the other guy too long i kid you not more than once leaving furniture and tvs behind just to get away from the son of a [ __ ] quicker oh and he had the anna thing the code or whatever just right and wrong

04:27:16

everything just no grays no middle just everything it's black and white you know had all these ideas about how they should live and you know how i should be and what i could be and what i should be yeah a lot of rules hard to live with how to live with you know you don't gotta treat someone like [ __ ] and make them feel bad like calvin he can be like yeah he could be like whatever but he lets me be who i want to be

04:27:51

do what i want just to lie with my ass don't get too big yeah take that just keep in your room or something maybe you sleep better but look zellwood i win [ __ ] i didn't see any signs for zellwood yes you did yes you did you just passed it i didn't see any signs i didn't see any signs and if there was a sign the gps lady would have said it and she didn't you didn't hear it because there's no service what's the plan anyway let me get to a

04:28:27

calendar how the hell do we find wayne i'm sure there'll be a trail of blood you got to think positive you know i knew wayne's mom back in the day she kept her name when she married wayne's dad what was it she was off i mean she was she was really just kind of scattered great legs though please don't tell me you're trying to hit wayne's mom all right don't worry she's not my type the one type asia type i only date or better want to date black women

04:29:01

pearl you never dated a white one before oh no thank you is that racist i think but it's a good racist right i got to remember what her name was what was her name the last name was something irish mcguinness what's up

04:29:33

no no no no no where's the dog where's the dog oh no [Music] no no no no no no yeah it's cool never worry about me i'm good [Applause] guess your airbags don't work huh what the [ __ ] you doing anyone ask you to do that no but she asked you to and you didn't

04:30:12

so you see what that [ __ ] kid did that alligator [ __ ] on the neighbor's lawn again huh the other [ __ ] kid nah what he hung up some shelves for your [ __ ] candle crap in my [ __ ] tv realm oh yeah oh it's kind of it's kind of sweet huh in my [ __ ] tv room maureen you want me to ask him to hang a tv [ __ ] christ don't you [ __ ] with me mo

04:30:57

i was just playing with you calvin christ okay well he needs to go come on cat come on he just got here you know what you're gonna [ __ ] [Music] take care of the kid already i was young then things could be different now you're gonna be a good little [ __ ] mommy now bring him into the [ __ ] house move him into my [ __ ] tv room i'm sorry but uh regardless of how inconvenient this might be for you

04:31:27

he's still my [ __ ] kid i pay the bills your part-time candle wick [ __ ] [ __ ] ain't enough to support you or him so you got two [ __ ] choices getting the [ __ ] out of here you get the [ __ ] out of here with him i'm goddamn curtis i'm on a mission to save wayne somebody should be saving him from me remember that scene terminator 2 where all innocent kids are on the playground and then this nuclear bomb detonates into a

04:32:05

a wave of hellfire and just scorches everyone and everything into ash and skeletons [Music] i'm the nuclear bomb terminator two i got nothing left hey you got triple a no it expired a long time ago was that you huh that wasn't you no man

04:32:49

[Music] doggy [Music] she was a nice girl [Music] time for you to go probably his friends you're skeeving out the moms the only thing worse than an angry white woman is an angry white woman with a baby

04:33:36

i'm losing my job over this come on now be cool i don't want to have to escort you from the premises don't [ __ ] touch me oh you got to go [Music] now [Music] did you just piss in my [ __ ] pool i'll [ __ ] you for this [Music]

04:34:23

i heard all this pounded and i thought reggie locked himself in the bathroom again glad to see that somebody's actually doing some work around here what just trying to do my part come on this look this actually looks really good wow wow wow so tomorrow's the uh third thursday of the month and i got this big swap meet in tampa that i got to get ready for us i can help you with it oh no no no no it's okay it's okay you've done

04:35:05

enough you've done so much around here uh i just i got to separate the erotic from the non-erotic what does nipple smell like smells like peach you know there's there's just peach yeah i just um i gotta find my ribbons you know okay and i gotta start loading up the car so you know are you mad what did i unpack the candle stuff no no i'm not mad it's gotta you know i just gotta just

04:35:38

gotta get moving it's all well when are you coming back yeah um so that's the thing when i go you gotta go too did you you you thought you was gonna like stay here stay here okay yeah i mean it was my house of course sure but you know it's calvin so i don't really have that kind of a say plus uh i think you don't really want to stay here right yeah you know i don't i don't i don't make the decisions honey

04:36:29

okay sweetie i don't make those decisions you shouldn't call me there no more maybe you should have gone after that girl huh what do you care you didn't even like her she'll be best friends though see now you both like taking off on everybody i've thought a lot about what would've happened okay things have been different your dad never came after me

04:37:14

maybe because he didn't have a cat come it please it on have to be like this come on oh god damn it you know what you're the [ __ ] the same you're all the same i got nothing to say to this [Music]

04:38:22

foreign i knew you was a [ __ ] red-hander i'm telling you this is a sign yeah son you can't drive we're gonna find wayne i can feel it i don't know if you've noticed orlando but i have a tendency to you know see things in a generally hopeless and dreadful cup half full of [ __ ] type of way but gone are the days of my bread falling butted side down i feel like we're actually driving towards something i'm driving towards what

04:39:10

hold up you know what i'm saying moving towards something i think the dog feels it too ain't you boy what are you gonna name it you're gonna start with an a like all other ones i think i'm gonna try something different this time i like food names muffin doughnut mcnugget my brother's cat name is fajita mcdolte that's wayne's mom's name maureen mcnulty how can i forget that maureen mcnulty ocala florida we got to find a phone book what's the phone book seriously it's the thing you use to find people

04:39:41

you mean this i already got an address you know etsy apparently she make sexy candles or some [ __ ] oh man we're gonna find you maureen kindergarten 25 for what departure change fee i don't [ __ ] have 25 bucks neither do i sucks doesn't it next

04:40:17

[Music] if they don't i'll just tell them it's my emotional support animal if they still don't i'll just [ __ ] sue them for discrimination all right they can't you know start del lucity okay i got you i got you wait you're my [ __ ] principal yes i am that's [ __ ] weird

04:41:12

know how sick i am i'm hearing stories about your [ __ ] dad mama she starts sucking on that box of line and all of a sudden it's the [ __ ] legend of wayne mccullough what the [ __ ] do i have to be jealous of she's up here giving me that ass and he's well you know he's lying our rooms are right next to each other [Music] all [ __ ] night if you think i need

04:41:54

any more reminders of that piece of [ __ ] coming around here [ __ ] with my [ __ ] tv realm trying to jack my [ __ ] rod coffee boy oh yeah it's that [ __ ] movie let's see how this [ __ ] smells what the [ __ ] is that this whole country's going to [ __ ] don't go nowhere

04:42:50

whatever [ __ ] you're selling i don't need it i already got it sergeant gellar brockton mass police department you're a long way from [ __ ] must be calvin clay two counts of felony vandalism to an rv three counts of aggravated assault several counts of public urination one at a yogurt shop they said my coupon was experienced to [ __ ] him we're looking for a boy named wayne mccullough son of maureen mccullough your girlfriend

04:43:20

she's the registered owner of a 1979 gold trans am that one no it's [ __ ] with your wayne mccullough i know that [ __ ] uh yeah he's he's hanging around here somewhere oh [ __ ] [Applause] adios [ __ ] [Music] [Applause] after you [Applause]

04:44:03

get your boys on a car with a bigger trunk please check the board for updates we apologize for the inconvenience thanks for sharing all good [Music] i can't do this anymore no the dog will eat the leftovers i have to knock out you i'm not talking about that i want to go home well it's a free country but i gotta save my boy and what bring it

04:44:51

back to brockton there's nothing there for him yes there is i mean sure he got kicked out of school and his house burned down and his dad is dead burned up in the house that he burnt down but he's got us yes he does he wants to be with his mom look wayne's in danger pops is all hopped up on vengeance and i'm crazy bad swinging brother you are as well don't worry as long as wayne's with his mom nobody's [ __ ] with him place is like a white trash fortress if meth had some crocodiles

04:45:22

nobody's getting in there he doesn't need us any of us can you just take me home [Music] please certain you want to do this huh yeah i want to do this well if we're really going to do this no need to sully our tommy bahamas [Music] you're gonna [ __ ] regret this man regret's a funny thing isn't it

04:46:21

you know in the summer of 93 i taught english overseas in thailand a place where i would unexpectedly fall

Phim Cuộc Đời Của Wayne HD (FULL Season 1) - WAYNE - Phim Hành Động Hài Hước Mỹ

Phim Cuộc Đời Của Wayne HD (FULL Season 1) - WAYNE - Phim Hành Động Hài Hước Mỹ

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