Dwarf Fortress Review | Strike The Earth™ | Praise ᚨᚱᛗᛟᚲ

Dwarf Fortress Review | Strike The Earth™ | Praise ᚨᚱᛗᛟᚲ

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Language: English

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Number of phrases: 294

Number of words: 1971

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00:00
hey hey people Seth here today I'll be covering a long-running cult classic that's still updated and developed to this very day a game which chronicles the lives and accomplishments of stumpy alcoholics as they struggle to avoid sobriety a game where the most ludicrous events take place daily where civilizations rise and fall just because someone left a Necronomicon in the public library a game where the UI is so useless and convoluted that you'd honestly have an easier time playing Microsoft Excel
00:30
[Music] [Music] I'm speaking of course about dwarf fortress dwarf fortress is less of a game and more of a complex fantasy world simulation made by one guy over 20 years and probably for the rest of his natural and unnatural lifespan as we plan to crowdfund Tarn Adams a synthetic body so he can focus on what truly matters Dwarf Fortress really is one of the greatest autism projects to ever blossom fun fact
01:14
it's also the hardest game to run on PC even an i7 processor chokes and dies the moment you forget to sterilize your cat's if not for the ever-increasing technological demands of dwarf fortress AMD and Intel would be bankrupt right now to even begin playing Dwarf Fortress you'll need some prescription medication but more importantly you'll need a world to play in so we create one we set some parameters and the game will then calculate 250 [ __ ] years of history for this randomly generated world and
01:45
depending on your computer this may also take 250 years once the world is made it's all yours and like an abusive lover she will caress and beat you senseless and each time you'll come back for more there's two main game modes you can play into war fortress you can either choose to embark on distant lands and lead a fortress Haroon or die horrific Lee in the pursuit of adventure to begin let's cover a fortress mode first all you have to do is pick a nice place to embark and that's about it despite common myths Dwarf Fortress isn't complicated just
02:17
follow a couple of tutorials and you'll be a seasoned veteran in no time you should also download and use the lazy noob pack because the game is almost unplayable without it some may disagree with this statement but to put it simply they're [ __ ] wrong these same people will disagree with my choice of tile set or the fact that I use a tile set at all to answer these concerns and make this video that much easier to watch I will be using all of the tile sets at random in fortress mode you start out with 7 dwarves given the difficult task of
02:47
establishing civilization the longer you survive and flourish the more migrants will arrive from neighboring cities attracted by the promise of your growing fortress from there on any number of things can happen disaster tragedy invasions and tantrum spirals which frettin to end your fort at any given moment but whoever you live or die just remember losing is fun it's impossible to cover everything so let me tell you some stories the first fortress I ever found it was absolutely terrible we had no metal so instead we fought
03:18
with sticks and traded pottery for any possible scrap of metal we also lived in constant fear there was a where zebra on the loose he kept eating my chickens and trampling my Dwarfs as if I couldn't escape the furry Menace in real life it torments me in my video games as well it turned out that the where zebra was a human musician who plays at my tavern so I let him stay and snap a few chicken necks every month the place was actually quite successful five years on and no major invasions what the hell I asked my friend who knows dwarf
03:50
fortress to take a look he came back shocked and told me you're not at war with the goblins how I had no idea my fortress was a place of culture and learning of drunken revelry and international diplomatic renown life Percy did as normal and then one day one of my guests of honor a legendary human wrestler had too much to drink and went into a murderous rage he proceeded to grab a goblin dancer and pulled off her lower jaw as she was screaming he began flashing her with her
04:20
own jawbone the situation quickly deteriorated as she retaliated back my other dwarves upon seeing that a man was under attack and fearing for his life used appropriate self-defence to remove the assailants ability to chew food launched into a furious brawl it was a bloodbath it marked the beginning of a race riots every Goblin in my fortress was slaughtered for our acts of racial cleansing the goblins had declared war on us one we couldn't win and all because some [ __ ] couldn't handle his
04:51
mushroom wine several months later my fortress was swallowed by the green horde those who weren't murdered walled themselves off went crazy and consumed each other the rest starved to death dwarf fortress a fun light-hearted experience for the whole family my second fortress fared slightly better until I dug too deep my furred well we all know how this already right one of my dwarves got possessed so I walled off his workshop forgot about it and accidentally opened up his crypt in the middle of town the nauseous fumes from his hot
05:23
decomposing body erupted across several levels driving everyone insane from the sight and stench of his swollen cadaver in the chaos a mother dropped her toddler into a shallow pool of water the child drowned causing her mother to go into a tantrum and attack an experienced axe dwarf who decapitated her the dead bodies caused more Tantrums which would result in even more dead bodies which eventually reduced my population to a single person a single accident or who was now considered legendary having
05:53
gained enough experience from beheading everybody else my fourth attempt was actually fine the fortress still stands as a grisly reminder of why we have health and safety I read online somewhere that you could train your dwarves extremely quickly by constructing a danger room the idea is simple we put a dwarf in a room filled with traps we activate them and our brave warriors will gracefully dodge and block every single one of them but this process wasn't fast enough so we replaced the traps with coins we hit the
06:23
lever and 500 freshly minted coins would harmlessly ricochet at high speed across the room turning our dwarves into professional soldiers instantly however it didn't work 500 coins suddenly ricocheted at high speed and destroyed my dwarfs windpipe even the best surgeons available couldn't operate quick enough tourists or oxygen supply the cause of death was ruled to be asphyxiation by a legal tender not to be dissuaded I tried to optimize coin training I made my men wear five layers
06:54
of cotton around their necks the results several women were now widows and about a dozen men who are now buried without a throat it turns out coins are very dangerous attempt number 5 my current and final fortress one day I receive a notification one of my master engravers had just sculpted a masterpiece on the dining room wall I find the engraving and read the description he just sculpted a drawing of himself stabbing another dwarf and soon after he actually stabbed him what an absolute
07:25
Ladd misses also about the time I decided to embark on a haunted biome and my personal advice don't do that nothing dies on a haunted biome the moment you kill an animal it gets back up the moment you chop off a limb it gets possessed and tries to choke you did you know if is obliged to shellfish and crustaceans as well I didn't but I've just lost a good fisherman to an undead pile of lobster shells if all of this sounds like too much to handle then you can play adventure mode instead Adventure mode lets you design and
07:55
control a single character that can interact with influence and shape the world once again it's impossible to cover everything so instead I'll share some of my characters exploits the very first character I ever made was a human locally renowned for his acts of heroism I didn't know the controls and didn't really care I spent my entire time accusing children of being vampires and throwing silver at them until they died no one dared intervene in my righteous crusade against darkness incidentally one of the people I accused was actually
08:27
a vampire who proceeded to kill me instantly to get rid of the evidence my second character was a cobalt who had successfully integrated with modern civilization to demonstrate how integrated I was I immediately assassinated the king to my surprise vegard's didn't even care my reward for committing regicide was monarchy I had become the new ruler of his kingdom I spent the rest of my career spreading rumours but the previous king was murdered by myself everyone refused to believe it and said I the king was full
08:58
of [ __ ] my third character managed to find a really nice book a book of necromancy which I generously donated to one of my fortress libraries after retiring from adventuring and checking up on the place I was pleasantly surprised to find a place overrun with Undead then I got bored and installed some lore friendly mods currently 9 playing is Vegeta a local Saiyan Prince who accidentally used Instant Transmission to teleport to hell there I learned that her wrestling system in Dwarf Fortress
09:28
is extremely elaborate allowing Vegeta to chokehold demons while he plucks out their necks after returning from the underworld Vegeta spent several hours vomiting on townspeople and indirectly killed a child by doing push-ups later that day and elvish serf refused to yield to the Saiyan Prince he rejected his generous demands for both of his shoes in exchange for his life now I'm not very good at Dragon Ball Z lore but I don't remember Vegeta being able to make Destructo discs but who gives a [ __ ] in this mod he can so I
10:01
decapitated a bunch of elves with energy disks and turned into a giant ape then I got drunk and crawled in the floor stealing people's genitals in case you haven't figured this out already floor fortress is an amazing game and not only that it's unique there's nothing quite like it it's a sandbox and you make your own fun and if you get bored of sand there's a billion mods out there which make the game that much more intricate and entertaining sure it's hard to get into but then again so are nursing homes I give it a perfect score perfection is
10:31
subjective which is why everyone will see something different or something gay as always more content to come so stay tuned this video comes out much later than expected what's up with that Seth you lazy schmuck you've not even taken our money since November truth be told I took a corporate position in December then I realized I can do a hundred times more by myself so now I'm going all-in Seth is going full-time a warm thanks to the many members of a merchants guild who have been generously funding and
11:01
bankrolling these videos you're all truly wonderful I missed the chance to save as before so Merry Christmas Happy Hanukkah and have a Happy New Year
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[Music]

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