Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier (Whole Show)

Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier (Whole Show)

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Language: Estonian

Type: Human

Number of phrases: 1956

Number of words: 13789

Number of symbols: 65492

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00:02
Kunagi ammu aega tagasi, kaugel maal oli üks kuningriik mis õitses tänu oma pühendumusele kahele lihtsale ideaalile: kohusetunne ja pühendumus . Pikki aastaid seisis kuningriik säravana kaupmeestele, käsitöölistele ja jutuvestjatele kes kõik karjatasid maad unistusega säilitada pühad kaks Nende raske töö kaudu jõudis kuningriiki kuulsusrikas kuldajastu [ehmatus] järgneb teine, isegi parem kui esimene. Siis tulid pimedad ajad. Kuningriik langes kurja sultani kätte ja tema hooletuse tõttu langes kuningriik laostuma. [ohkas] Maa kõige õnnelikumast kohast sai 'Da Crappiest Place on Earf'. Vaatamata ühe mehe pingutustele. Unistusega mees taastada kuningriik oma endises hiilguses ja ennustada ennustatud kolmas kuldne ajastu. Valesti mõistetud mees. See on tema lugu - kuningliku visiiri ütlemata lugu!
01:29
♫ Vaatan kuningriigis ringi ja näen meeleheidet ja jätkuv laastamine ükskõik mida ma teen. Kuid täna võiks olla päev Ma saan lõpuks midagi muuta ja kõik tänulikud kodanikud ütlevad mulle - Mine Persse! Mine Persse! Persse! Mine Persse! Mine Persse! ♫ Mine Persse, Ja'far Tere hommikust, pagar! Kuhu sa täna lähed, sa tükk sitta? [kisa] Tükk sitta! Mis sa mulle just ütlesid värdjas?! Ei, sõber! Ma ei öelnud midagi! See oli minu lind! Tal on võime korrata sõnu, mida teised on öelnud. Hm. Noh, sel juhul võiksite ehk õpetada talle need sõnad: Mine Persse, Ja'far. Marie! Baguette! Kiirusta! ♫ Miks meil pole piisavalt süüa? Miks me tänaval sureme? Miks mu laps alati nutab? Miks mu emme pidi surema? Minu oma ka! Minu oma ka! Minu oma ka! Minu oma ka! Minu oma ka!
02:36
Vastus on siin täiesti selge: Ja'far, see kole vana visiir! Ta on meie paljude hädade põhjus! Kuigi oleme ärritunud, ei tohiks me vihastada. Me ei tohi lasta end unustada seda ütlust teab iga kuningriigis kasvatatud laps: Sa pead natuke raskemini unistama. Kui elu ei lähe teie teed, unista natuke raskem. Usu mind, kui ütlen, et kui unistad pisut raskemast, jälgige kindlasti. Sest kui sa oled hea ja oled atraktiivne, ei pea olema ennetav. Head asjad juhtuvad lihtsalt sinuga! ♫ Ma olen tulnud laenutatud raamatu tagastamiseks! Oh, Ja'far. See võttis teid piisavalt kaua aega, sitta sööv koer Aga ma ei suutnud seda maha panna. See on üks mu lemmikuid. Lugu vääriti mõistetud nõiast, kes tegelikult pole üldse kuri - ta on lihtsalt roheline.
03:39
Kuid teda süüdistatakse endiselt kuningriigi kõigis probleemides. Oh, nii et te arvate, et olete parem kui mina, sest te saate lugeda? Noh, minge minu raamatupoest välja! Meile ei meeldi nagunii teie lahked siin! Aga raamat? Hoia see alles. Ja rotid võivad teid ejakuleerida! Aitäh! ♫ Miks vaevleb kuningriiki vargus? Miks pole enam häid töökohti jäänud? Miks päike loojub öösel? Miks on kõik kuningriigis valged? ♫ Ee, Jafar? ♫ Jafar! Jafar !! Jafar !!! Ükski mees, kes just on, ei suuda kunagi usaldada nägu, mis sellise vastiku tekitab. Tema keerdunud omadused annavad mulle sellise jahutuse [värisema] Palvetagem siis, et ühel ilusal päeval see kuri inimene kaoks Sest kui me tahame seda piisavalt halvasti, siis ta teeb seda! Sest kui sina unista natuke raskem, saad mida soovid. Unista natuke raskem kui asjad näevad kohutavad.
04:51
Kui unistate pisut raskemalt, on edu tagatud! Kui olete oma kavatsuses kindel, siis mõni maagiline sekkumine annab teile vajaliku serva. ♫ Oh! Vabandage, proua! Oh, kõik korras on. Lihtsalt proovige oma paks nägu sellest kuradima raamatust välja hoida! ♫ Ma tean, et ma pole mingi auhind. Ma pole silmadele nii lihtne. Ma ei saa lootma jääda, et mind minu välimus paradaks meeldivust Kuid inetus lubab inimesel oma mõistust kasutada, sest ilusad inimesed ei pea kunagi proovima. Ma kuulen inimesi sosistamas, kui tänavatel kõnnin, Ma tean, et nad helistavad mulle Inetu vana Ja'far! Mida ma nimetan planeerimiseks, nad kutsuvad skeemitamiseks. Mida ma nimetan pettekujutuseks, seda nimetatakse unistamiseks! Miks olen ainus, kes näeb asju sellisena, nagu nad on? Mul on vaja kuut muna! Soovin pisut tugevamat. Miks mitte mõnda osta? Soovin pisut tugevamat.
06:00
Ma tahan lennata! Loodan, et natuke suurem. See on ebareaalne! Loodan, et natuke suurem. Ma tahan olla kass! Mõelge natuke valjemini. Mida? Mõelge natuke valjemini. mine Persse! Vilistage, kui neelate lusikatäie suhkrut, ja teie unistused saavad tähega täide! Unistage piisavalt palju, mu sõbrad, Ja'far saab vägivaldse lõpu! Purjelaev võis teda vilistada! Või riputatakse sassis džungli viinapuudesse! Või söövad hüäänid! Või langeb ta surnuks lossi juurest! Kell! Või kalju! Ja kui me unistame natuke raskemalt Meie kannatlikkus ja armus vabastab meid sellest koledast vanast Ja'farist! ♫ Imeline! See oli imeline! Lind, vahel tunnen, nagu oleksite mu ainus sõber siin maailmas! Mine Persse!
07:17
Õige. Minu raamat! See on kaetud mudaga! Oh ei, oot, kas see on sitt?! See hais on mul, Ja'far. Te ei usuks seda hommikut, mis mul on olnud. Miks mu kuningliku kaardiväe kapten on üleni sittane? Noh, meie mehed ja mina hüppasime lihtsalt aknast ja Crazy Hakimi soodusväetise ostukorvi. Miks? Me jälitasime meest, ei, deemonit. Varas, kes igapäevaselt röövib tavalisest folgist. Leiba, pesu ja isegi arbuuse Püüame teda kinni püüda, kuid ta on alati vaid ühe hüppega ees. Täna läksid asjad natuke käest ja palju häid inimesi on surnud. Seleta! Noh, mõõga neelaja lõikas oma kõri seestpoolt, ja varga lemmikloom rebis mõõga sellest otse välja, Kas teate seda meest, kes magab küünte voodil? Jah! Talle langes paks valvur peale. Nüüd on ta surnud! Siis, kui me aknast kukkusime ja sõnnikukäru lasime,
08:31
Ichabal napsas löögi ajal oma kaela, veel kaks lämbusid sittast, kõike seda leivapätsi jaoks. Abdul, sa oled elus?! Ma arvasin, et sa lämbusid sitta! Kas saime leivapätsi tagasi? Oh ei, mul on kahju, et varas pääses- Jah, jah, Abdul, saime leiva tagasi. Kiida Allahit! See kõik on teie süü, Ja'far. kuidas see on minu süü ja mitte selle varga? Vargaid ei oleks, kui fikseeriksite sotsiaal majandusliku ebavõrdsuse, nagu lubasite! Miks sa üldse viitsid meile külla minna, sina, aristokraat? Noh, meie ühest vasalliriigist saabub täna linna väga tähtis prints: Pixari maa! Olen tulnud teda isiklikult tervitama. Veel üks printsessi kosilane? Oh kui ainult, kapten. Ta on siin, sest tema kuningriigi ja meie vaheline kaubandusleping on lõppenud. Ja ma pean lepingut pikendama, vastasel juhul on meie kuningriik hukule määratud. Ja sellepärast olen kõik peatused välja tõmmanud, et muuta see printsi visiit õnnelikuks! Oleme oma printsessiga korraldanud tegelaste hommikusöögi,
09:56
andis talle kahepäevase parkimispungi ja kaela suveniiride kogumiseks. Kõik peavad seda printsi ülima austusega kohtlema. Ma nägin seda väga printsi oma hobusega varem sõitmas. Oh! Teda ahistas sama varas, kellest me just rääkisime. Mida? Tänavarott viskas piitsa näkku. Ta ütles talle, et ta pole kunagi kahe tagaotsaga hobust näinud. Nüüd pole ma kindel, kas varas tähendas seda, et printsil on suur hobune perse või hobuse perse näoks Mõlemal juhul kõik naersid ja prints oli maruvihane. Parem läheksin tagasi paleesse ja hoolitseksin selle eest, et tema hommikusöök koos printsessiga läheks hästi. Aga Ja'far, kas teda ei tunta sellena, et ta saadab tiigreid külalistele kallale Oh sitt. Sul on õigus. Ma loodan, et te ei ole seda perse ajanud, Ja'far. Ei ei! Ma pole seda teinud. Miks sa ei hakka varast otsima ja teda kinni pidama? Mis tema nimi on? On sosinaid, ainult kuulujutte. Nad ütlevad, et teda kutsutakse "Aladdin".
11:00
Siis peame selle leidma. See "Aladdin" Tsk tsk tsk. Vaata seda jama. Surnukehad tänaval. Selle kuningriigi riik. Ahvide kasvatamiseks pole see koht! Ära ahv ei karda! Jah! See on lihtsalt surnukeha! Saate nendega lõbutseda! Vaata, kas saad neid lüüa, Saate neid süüa. Ahjaa! Ja mis kõige tähtsam, saate neid rüüstata. Olgu. Ah jaa see on. Vaata seda. Kuule! See näeb piisavalt välja nagu sina. See viib teid baaridesse. Need valvurid oleks pidanud lihtsalt laskma mul selle leiva kaasa võtta. Kas nad ei saa seda? Ma pole halb tüüp. Ehh Varastan ainult seda, mida ma ei saa endale lubada. Ja see on kõik. ♫ Tahan toitu, kuid pole mul raha Ma olen jamas või nii tundub sellepärast tulin välja selle hiilgava skeemiga:
12:18
Varasta lihtsalt kõik! ♫ Olgu ahv, pidu! Jah! Jah! [sülitab] Uhh! Rosinad? Ma vihkan rosinaid! Oh! Hei väikesed orbude lapsed! Kas te olete näljased? Kas soovite leiba? Me teeme sir. Püütke te sittaad! ♫ Tegelikult pole ma nii valiv, varastan kõik, mis silmapiiril ärge mõistke kohut, sest te ei saa minu olukorrast aru! ♫ Kuule mu kark! ! See on minu oma nüüd, ma varastan kõiki asju [naerab] Leib! Müüa leiba! Nendel rasketel aegadel väga mõistliku hinnaga! Ah! Hei, sõber-o! Mitte sina jälle! Palun varastasite just täna hommikul minu juurest leivapätsi! Jah, peate lõpetama rosinate panemise sellesse mehele! Ma vihkan rosinaid! Ma rääkisin sellest ahviga ja ta arvab, et me peaksime teid lihtsalt tapma Ahjaa! Aga ma olin selline: "Ei, ahv, see on hull!" Aga nüüd ma mõtlen, et "jah" Enam pole kuradi rosinaid. Ei! Palun! Ma toon teile homme veel leiba, kus pole rosinaid. Ohho, sa oled parim! Ma räägin teile kõigile oma varasõpradele!
13:33
Kuid sa oled mulle ühe võlgu. ♫ Kas teadsite selles barbaarses riigis, nad annavad teile raha ainult siis, kui töötate? Aitäh, aga ei aitäh "mees" Varastan kõik, mis võimalik, selle asemel, et olla fašist, jupp jobu! Hipi! Kuradi! Slacker! Imeline! Kes otsiks tööd, kui elu pakub sellist naudingut? Mida iganes saan, saan tasuta, Niipalju kui majanduse sitt nii et ma kiirustan väljapääsu tehes, mind jälitab mõrvarlik mob, Kuule mees, peksab ikka tööd! Kas mul on õigus?! ♫ Oh! Sattudes täna pisut varakult hätta, kas me pole Aladdin? Pfft! Sa oled hädas ainult siis, kui oled vahele jäänud. Aladdin? Oh, ma olen hädas! Pärast seda ööd, mil me koos veetsime, kasvab mu kõht lapsega suureks! Ja mu isa ütleb, et peate minuga abielluma või ma viin kogu mu perekonnale ebaausalt! Kuule jaa! Ma ei saa oma unistustest loobuda ja leppida
14:41
lihtsalt sellepärast, et su isa on munn! Oh! Pealegi, kui ma abiellun, Ma tahan, et see oleks armastuse pärast. Oh Aladdin, ma saan aru. Ma teadsin, et sa tahad. Sa oled nii eriline tüdruk, Jezebel. Kes on Jezebel?!? Uh-oh! Vahele võetud! Yoink! ♫ Sitapea! Ossa! Jobu! Kuule nüüd! Ainult üks küsimus, miks mees? Sest sa varastasid mu tütre neitsinahk! See on täiesti õiglane, kuid minu kaitseks kutt, su tütar on kuum Jah! Minu arvates on minu kohustus varastada, sest varastamine on ju kunst. Varastan riideid ja peavarju, ükskõik, mis mul puudu on kommid väikelastelt, särk seljast, krediit, identiteedid, äike ja stseenid intellektuaalomand, mis iganes see tähendab! Ja kui vaadata lähemalt, see vaene väike orv varastab su südame! ♫ Olgu. On tingimata vajalik, et see printsi visiit oleks õnnelik!
16:01
Ja kes teab? Võib-olla löövad tema ja printsess selle ära? Õnne temaga abiellumisel! Prints Achmed! Teie kõrgeausus! Kas teie kuningriik kohtleb oma külalisi nii, Ja'far? Vaata seda! Ütle mulle, mida sa näed? Su südame poksija lühikesed püksid, minu lege. Mida veel? Su perse põsed, mu isand. Mu perse põsed. Nad on pükstest väljas. Ja mis see on? Veri. Veri mu persse põskedel! Ütle mulle, Ja'far. Kuidas kurat sinna sattus? Kas sellepärast Põhjus on see, et teie printsess just sikutas mulle Bengali tiigri mu persele kallale! Mul on vedanud, et see on nii madal ja väike. Noh, ma olen tänulik teie pisikese tagumiku eest, mu isand. Ma ei suuda uskuda, et ta arvas, et suudab printsi Bengali tiigrile toita
17:20
ja et sellel poleks poliitilisi tagajärgi! See on tõesti sõjakäik, Ja'far! Ja ta kohtles seda nii, nagu see oleks viskav nali! Justkui oleksin siin mõni rumal kõrvaltegelane ainult selleks, et illustreerida tema vastumeelsust abielluda! Ei! Ei! Noh, mitte ainult ma ei ole suveräänse riigi valitseja, vaid mul on ka tundeid. Ja inimesed, kes minust hoolivad. Peate meie printsessile andeks andma, ta on nooruslik, kuid heatahtlik. Ha! Ära söö mulle sitta ja nimeta seda kuskussi, Ja'far. See on järjekordne solvang, mille teie riik on minu peale kuhjanud! Kuid te ei saa enam sellist ülbust endale lubada. Mõelge oma kuningriigi suurimale ekspordile viimase kümne aasta jooksul: mänguasjad, eksootilised kalad, prügikasti tihendavad robotid ja muud sellised "Incredibles". Kõik toodetud mitte teie kuningriigi, vaid minu enda poolt.
18:30
Jah, teie toodete kaupa ja me levitame seda! Võtate nende eest krediiti! Jagame krediiti! Ehk, me ei taha enam krediiti jagada! Ma olin kaalunud meie liidu laiendamist, aga nüüd teie printsessi pärast, mis on täiesti välistatud. Järgmine kord naasen siia maagia kuningriigi juurde see ei toimu kaelapaela või kahepäevase pargi hüppamispassiga, vaid armeega! Ja'far, valmistu sõjaks! Ei, Achmed, oota- Ei! Keegi ei tee prints Achmedile perset! Kurat see tüdruk! Oh printsess, sa nüüd pead end selgitama! Oh ei! India pääsukesed, nad on pääsenud! Ei! Ma lasin nad vabaks! Aga neid linde toodi võõralt maalt! Nad ei saa siin ellu jääda, kullid saavad nad tunni aja jooksul kätte! Noh tund vabadust on parem kui terve elu puuris.
19:37
söömist, hellitamist ja sinu järel koristamist! Milline see elu on? Printsess, millal te saate teada, et teie tegevustel on tagajärjed? See prints, kelle peal te just tiigrit vallutasite, on meie kuningriiki sõjaga ähvardanud! Oh, see pole suur asi. Ta oli selline nali! Nii nagu iga teine ​​vinge paabulinn, keda ma kohanud olen. Kuid mitte kõik teie kosilased pole väärinud neile seatud tiigrit. Aga see esimene prints? Ta oli võluv kaaslane. Kuulsin, et ta tegi kunagi tüdruku välja, kui teda pimendati. See pole võluv. See on ju vägistamine-y. Mis saab prints Ericust, meresõidu floutist? Ta keppis kala! Ta ei keppinud kala! Ta tahtis kala keppida! Oh kiskja, kalakukkija, kas keegi vastab kunagi teie võimatutele standarditele? Teate, et peate ühel päeval abielluma, Mitte kunagi! Abielu on keskaegne konstruktsioon, mis esindab naiste omandit.
20:43
See on nagu orjus. VINAMARJAD! Pealegi, kui ma abiellun, siis tahan, et see oleks armastuse nimel. Ühel neist päevadest saate teada, et elu ei seisne unistuste täitumises See on rida kompromisse ja pettumusi. Ma lootsin, et prints Achmed suudab meie kuningriigi probleemid lahendada, aga nüüd on meil halvemini kui kunagi varem ja ma pean leidma viisi, kuidas teie jama koristada! Aga- sina- AUUGGH! Printsessiks olemine on nii lämmatav. Ma lämbun selles palees. Fänn, printsess? Nüüd olen selline jahe. Mu siidikott, mu daam? Ma ei saa seda kanda! Kas teadsite, et nad teevad neid asju kampsunites? Kus sa oled olnud? Siidri ketrus teie privaatses kampsumis, armuke. Kas töötate tegelikult ühes neist? Jah. See toetab rikutud süsteemi. Teie olete osa probleemist. Jah, printsess!
21:59
Kas ma olen ainus, kes soovib elust rohkem välja saada? Ma tahan lihtsalt nii halvasti vaba olla! Teie, orjad, ei saanud sellest tundest kunagi aru. Jah, printsess! ♫ Olen maa võimsaim tüdruk, käe lainega saan käsu anda. Kuid see on täpselt nagu "mis iganes" sest nad ei saa aru. Vaadake mu elu väljastpoolt ja kindlasti, Mul on teenijaid, tiigreid ja muud. Sa ilmselt mõtled: "Tal on kõik olemas." Noh, see on tõsi, sest mul on Aga kurat mis? Sellest ei piisa! Ma tahan seikluslikku elu, kus pole mingeid käske, mida pean järgima,
23:06
ja nii palju ohtusid, kui ma võin kindel olla et olen päeva lõpuks turvaline ja kindel. Ma pean põgenema sellest paleest elu eest, kus ma saan tõeliselt vabaks. Ma lähen elama kuskile uude, sama suure vaatega, ja mõnikümmend teenijat käivad minu juures! See on kõik, mida ma palun. Ma tahan kõike ja veel! Ma tahan kuud! Ma tahan elada Kuul! Ja sööge seda pirukas ning hoidke seda lemmikloomana ja kandke seda nagu kalliskivi minu juustes! Ja kunagi hiljem, nagu isa ja Ja'far, räägivad inimesed, kes ütlevad, et ma ainult unistan
24:15
näed kui valed nad on kui ma naeran nende nägu läbi suutäie kuusepiimapiruka! Ma tahan teha oma valikud. Ma mõtlen, et palun on seda nii palju küsida? Kuid otsused on rasked ja mind pommitatakse. Miks ei saa keegi aidata seda vaevalist ülesannet? Printsessi elu on keerulised. See on piisav, et panna mind soovima, et ma oleksin alatu ja vaene. Aga nagu ... rahaga. Mida ma ei annaks, et elaksin uues olukorras. Iga ori ja valvur teeb elu nii raskeks.
25:24
Sest mul on alati keelatud Kõik ja veel! ♫ Hea küll, meeskond! Me peame ajurünnaku tegema; meil võib olla sõda! Meeskond? Tere? Hei, Ja'far. Kapten, kus on minu meeskond? Minu abilised visiidid? Minu mõttekoda, mis jagab minu kohustusi ja pühendumust? Kas kogu mu 2D osakond on kadunud? Oh! Te pole kuulnud. Mida kuulnud? Halvad uudised, Ja'far. Tellimus on juba täidetud. Sultani ja tema täitevvõimu kuningliku dekreediga tuleb kogu 2D osakond laiali saata. Kõik 150 liiget tagandatakse! Mmhmm. Panime nad kotikeste kottidesse ja peksime, kuni nad olid surnud. Kuid need olid andekad ja kvaliteetsed mehed ja naised! Kõik need käsitöömeistrid viskasid lihtsalt aknast välja. Lääne torni kõrgeimast aknast välja.
26:52
Aga kuidas saaks sultan seda teha?!? Ära süüdista sultanit Ja'farit. See on kõik teie süü! Teil ei olnud 2D osakonda, mis tooks midagi väärtuslikku. No jah, ma tean. Noh, vaata jah. Arvata, et meie kuningriik oli kunagi kunsti, kultuuri ja tehnoloogia pioneer. Kuidas selleni jõudis? KUIDAS see siia jõudis?!? [irvitab] Kurat! [irvitab] Oh! Oota. See ei saa olla. Tema kaelakee. Ma pole seda aastaid näinud. ♫ Aja liivad, viige mind tagasi enne kui kõik läks valesti, kui armastus oli vaid laul ja homme säras sama eredalt kui päike. Õpeta mind tehtud toimingut tagasi võtma. Aja liiv, viige mind tagasi. ♫
28:26
Suhkru kuupäevad! Suhkru datlid ja viigimarjad! Suhkru datlid ja pistaatsiapähklid! Kala! Värske kala! Kalad, me püüame neid osta! Leib! Kaelakee? Salaam, sõbrad! Ja kiida Jumalat selle õnnistatud päeva eest! Salaam, Ja'far! Ja kiida Jumalat sinu eest, Ja'far. Täna on see päev, kas pole? Päeval saab palee lõpuks hea ja ausa mehe palgal. Sultani visiit. Oh, saate need kelmikad poliitikud sirgendada. Olen selles kindel! Oh nüüd nüüd Bewar. Olen kindel, et kõrgemad tõusud palees annavad endast parima nad vajavad lihtsalt kindlat otsustavust, et hoida neid sirgel ja kitsal kohal! Noh, ma arvan, et sul on õigus, Ja'far. Aga kuidas sa seda teed? Kuidas on nii, et olete kõigi suhtes, kellega kohtute, nii head? Minu saladus on lihtne. Igaüks saab sellega hakkama! Ma lihtsalt jälgin kuldreeglit. Ja mis reegel see on, Ja'far? Miks see on nii lihtne kui 1..2..3..4, ♫ Järgige kuldreeglit, et elu oleks kahesuunaline. Pidage seda meeles ja olete heatahtlik kõigi kohtumiste ees! Järgige kuldset reeglit. Seda pole raske teha.
29:32
Kohelge alati teisi nagu õdesid ja vendi ja nemad teevad teie jaoks sama! Enne kui kaaslast kahjustate, küsige seda küsimust kõigepealt. Kuidas soovite, et ta kohtleks teid, kui teie varandused oleksid vastupidised? Järgige kuldset reeglit. Nii valin elamise. Lihtne vastastikkus on alati minu filosoofia. Ma saan tagasi selle, mida annan! ♫ Peatu, varas! Aga härra! Ma olen nälgimas! Kas teate, mis karistus on varastamise eest? Peatage oma käsi seal, sõber! Omar, mis siin toimub? See poiss on mind röövinud! Kas võtaksite seaduse enda kätte? See on minu õigus! Ja'far! Aga kas see on õige? ♫ Enne kui kaaslast kahjustate, küsige seda küsimust kõigepealt, Kuidas soovite, et ta kohtleks teid, kui teie varandused muutuvad vastupidiseks? ♫ Miks võtta selle poisi käsi, kui saaksite selle sama hõlpsalt tööle panna?
30:38
Andke talle töö? Ja teie poiss, kas te ei näe, et kui kõik peaksid varastama Omari käru, et ta oleks see, kes nälgis? ♫ Järgige kuldreeglit! ♫ Mu nälg pimendas mind ja sundis käituma nagu loom. ♫ Järgige kuldreeglit! ♫ Me pole loomad. Oleme andekad! Mõistuse mõistusega ja südamega armastusega! ♫ Järgige kuldreeglit! ♫ Mida sa ütled? Kas saate kaks koos töötada? ♫ Järgige kahesuunalise elu elu kuldset reeglit. Pidage seda meeles Ja sa oled lahke kõigile, kellega kohtute! Järgige kuldreeglit! Järgige kuldreeglit! Seda pole raske teha! See on väga lihtne! Kohelge alati teisi nagu õdesid ja vendi ning nemad teevad sama ka teie jaoks! Järgige kuldreeglit! Nad teevad seda teie heaks! Järgige kuldreeglit! Nad teevad seda teie heaks! Järgige kuldreeglit! Nad teevad seda teie heaks! Järgige kuldreeglit! Nad teevad seda teie heaks! ♫ Arvan, et see on ühe päeva jaoks piisavalt lõbus, ah, sõbrad? [naer] Parem oleksin palatist ära!
31:42
Õnne, Ja'far! Ja pidage meeles ... ♫ Järgige kuldreeglit! Nii valime elamise. Järgige kuldreeglit! See on väga lihtne! Lihtne vastastikkus on alati meie filosoofia. Ma saan tagasi selle, mida annan! Me saame selle, mida anname! Ongi! Ma saan tagasi selle, mida annan! Järgige kuldreeglit! Järgige kuldset reeglit Ma saan seda, mida annan! Ma saan seda, mida annan! Järgige kuldset, järgige kuldset, Järgige ... kuldne ♫ Oh! Oh! Vabandage, härra! Mida? Kes julgeb siseneda kuninglikku paleesse ja häirida kuninglikku visiiti kui ta puhkab kuningliku palee kuningakodades?
32:53
Sina! Kes sa oled? Mina, söör? Minu nimi on Ja'far, söör. Ah-ha-ha. Jah. Uus assistent visiir. Kohviotsija. Noh, ma kavatsen teha natuke rohkem kui mu sõbrad. Ja ma tean, et see on minu esimene päev, kuid kui säästate mind kannatlikkusega, Olen koostanud nimekirja reformidest, mida linn hädasti vajab. See võtab palju rasket tööd ja natuke küünarnuki määrimist, aga ma usun, et kui me lihtsalt järgime kuldset reeglit, saame kõik luua täiesti uue maailma, teile ja mulle! Ja mis kõige tähtsam, selle kuningriigi suurepärased inimesed! [kasvav kuri naer] Oled sa lõpetanud? Kuule, poiss, Te räägite kuldsest reeglist.
34:04
Meil on siin oma kuldreegel. Kellel kulda on, teeb reeglid. Mida? ♫ Ma järgin kuldreeglit. Kuidas saab mees vastu panna Kui kuld käes laseb tal raudse rusikaga maad valitseda? Ma järgin kuldreeglit. See on kas nemad või mina. See kuld, mida mu naaber oma töölt teenib, on kuld, mida ma kunagi ei näe. Kellel on kuld, teeb kõik reeglid, nii et ta võidab mängu ja siis auhinna võitmise eest? ROHKEM KULD! HAHA! Ja mäng algab uuesti! Järgige kuldset reeglit Oh, ära ole selline loll! Kurat su loll heategevus, me jälitame oma õitsengut, meie järgige kulda, järgige kulda, järgige kulda, järgige kulda, järgige kulda, Ja valitsege! Jälgi kulda ...
35:11
Ja valitsege! Jälgi kulda ... Ja valitsege! Järgige kulda, kulda, kulda ... Ja valitsege. ♫ Nii. Hoidke lihtsalt suu kinni ja peopesa lahti ja võite lihtsalt räpane, haisev rikas! Tulge härrad, oopium denni juurde. Oh mis see paleeelu on? [mõõga langetamine] Ah! Oh! See õpetab aadlikule aevastama! Mu kallis tüdruk! Mida sulle tehtud on? Keegi lõikas mu kõrva ära, sest neile ei meeldinud mu nägu. Kuid see on barbaarne! Kuule see on kodus. Noh, ärge muretsege, preili. Olen uuritud ravitseja. Kõrva ei õnnestu mul päästa, kuid verejooks võib jääda. Aitaks, kui hoiame teid rääkimas. Alustuseks võiksite öelda oma nime. Minu nimi on Sherrezade. Ma arvan, et see saab mulle otsa. Ma olen siin ainult oma ilu pärast ja nüüd on see kadunud.
36:40
Sherrezade, tõeline ilu peitub sees, kuid ükski kriimustus ei suutnud teie taevast sära rikkuda. Su sõnad on nagu kallis, noor peremees. Oh Ja'far, ja ma olen peremees mitte ühelegi mehele ega naisele. Olen inimeste sulane ja seetõttu teie sulane. Ütle mulle, mida sa siin palees teed? Meelelahutan aadlikke laulmise, tantsimise ja lugudega. Lood? Millised lood? Oh, kõigest, mida võite ette kujutada. Ütle mulle, kas sa oled kunagi kuulnud Tiigripea koopa lugu? Täidetud imet, mis ületavad teie kõige metsikumaid unistusi. Keelatud aare, Vaip, millel on pärnaka varga hinge? Ja võib-olla nende kõigi suurim varandus: ühine õlilamp. Mida? Oh, kuid ärge laske end petta selle tavalise väljanägemise pärast; see pole tavaline lamp. See on Djinni vangla. Kujundi nihutaja, kes täidab teie kõik soovid. Ta on ka väga naljakas. Seal me oleme, hoidke sidemeid tihedalt, et haav ei muutuks gangreeniks.
37:58
Allahi poolt! Kas olete nõid? Ei ei! Nõidus on lollide ja unistajate käsitöö. Olen teaduse mees. Usun ainult sellesse, mida saan puudutada ja tunda. See koobas, millest te räägite, võin teile kinnitada, et seda pole olemas. Ma teaksin, kuna õppisin geograafina. Noh, sa pole seda kunagi näinud. Sest koobas jääb varjatuks kõigile peale võtme omavate inimeste jaoks. Siin. Vaata. Ilus ripats. Kuldne skarabeus, kui ma ei eksi. Pool skarabeust. Pool võtit. Öeldakse, et koobas pitseeriti kahe armukese poolt, kes seejärel muudeti üheks kuldseks skarabiks. Koobas avatakse uuesti alles siis, kui kaks poolt saavad üheks ja armastajad on taas kord ühendatud. See on ilus. Nii et näete, ütlete, et usute ainult seda, mida saate puudutada ja tunda. Maagia ei tee midagi, kui mitte hinge puudutada. Pole suuremat tunnet kui see. Targad sõnad. Võib-olla on sul õigus. Oh! Vabandust. Võib-olla on mind puudutatud!
39:25
Vabandust. Kas teate palju lugusid? ♫ Ma tean tuhat lugu, et täita tuhat ööd, aga nüüd tuleb meelde veel üks lugu. Noor üllas visier tõuseb imelistesse kõrgustesse, ta on geniaalne, kui ta on ilus, ja ilus, kui ta on lahke. Ta on korraga tuttav ja tundmatu hirmunud tüdrukuga, keda ta tee ääres kohtab, ja tüdruku üllatuseks, midagi tema silmis, kutsub teda teda tundma ja innustab teda ütlema: Ma tahan teada teie lugu. Ma tahan teada teie minevikku, nii et öelge mulle algusest peale aeglaselt. Jäta ükski detail välja. Maitske iga osa. Ma tahan teada teie lugu, nii et tehke see lugu viimaseks.
40:34
Ma tahan teada kõiki keerdkäike. Räägi mulle kõik, mis mul vahele on jäänud. Mul on nii palju õppida! Sest kui juttu rääkida, arvasin, et teadsin neid kõiki. Kuid nüüd olen silmitsi näoga, keda ma ei suuda meenutada. Noor Vizier oli tulnud aitama muutusi innustada, kuid saatus oli kavandanud ootamatu keerdkäigu. Palee seinte seest avastas ta midagi kummalist ja leidis kadunud osa temast, mida ta ei teadnud, et ta igatses. Ta on korraga lohutus ja mõistatus Neiule, kellega ta kohtub sellel saatuslikul päeval. Ta on ilus ja tark ja midagi tema silmis kutsub teda teda tundma ja innustab teda ütlema:
41:46
Ma tahan teada teie lugu. Ma tahan teada teie minevikku. Tahan teada ka teie tulevikku. Täitke mu päevad ja ööd teie jutuga! Ma tahan teada teie lugu ... tahad teada oma lugu Nii et tehke lugu viimaseks ja ... tee lugu Jätkake iga osa üle. Öelge seda seni, kuni ma südamest tean! Ma ei hoolinud lugudest kunagi enne, kui olete minu sisenenud. Nüüd on minu ainus soov, et meie krundid omavahel põimuksid. Ma unustan, mis edasi saab. Ma pole kindel, et saan aru. Tuleta mulle meelde, kuidas ta vastab, kui ta tema kätt palub! ♫ Ahjaa! Pidas piisavalt kaua! ♫ Tuhandest ühest ööst teiega ei piisa, et veeta,
42:54
Teeme siis oma loo lõpuni, Teeme siis oma loo, millel pole lõppu! ♫ Kallis, ma olen kodus! Ah! Kurat, see Royal Vizier! Tavainimene nälgib ja ta on püha nagu iseenda jumal! Minu maareformi eelnõu ei möödu kunagi! Nad keeldusid teist uuesti? Töötan kõige isemoodi, korrumpeerunud, ebakompetentsete vanameestega! Nende suu ei sobi eesli sitta hoidmiseks. Kui ma saaksin lihtsalt sultaniga rääkida, kui mul oleks mõni minut tema kõrva! Kuna see aadlik võttis mu kõrva? Sherrezade, sa oled rõõmus! Ma ainult naljatan, Ja'far. Nüüd, kui mul on teid naeratada, arvan, et annan teile kingituse. Kingitus mulle? Mis see on? [Beebilinnu kisa] Oi kui ilus lind see on! Tore lind! Oh, see räägib meie sõnu! Nägin teda turuplatsil ja teadsin, et ta rõõmustab sind. Mida ta veel ütleb? Kõik, mida sa talle õpetad.
43:59
Eesli sitt! Oh! Need karmid sõnad on minu omad, kas pole? Sa oled tark tüdruk! Otsige alati uusi viise, kuidas mind ausana hoida! Meil on hea, kui meil on midagi, mida armastada ja mille eest hoolitseda. See võib olla meie jaoks praktika. Mida sa ütled? Kas kõik meie katsed on lõpuks vilja kandnud, isegi kui arstid ütlesid, et see ei saa nii olla?!? Kiida Jumalat armulisi ja kaastundlikke! Abistav visiir Ja'far! Uudised paleest! Teie taotlus sultaniga ülekuulamiseks on rahuldatud. Peate kohe paleesse teatama! Kas sa kuulsid, et mu kallis? Minu maareformi seaduse eelnõu on sultan kõigil päevadel ära kuulanud! Me oleme õnnistatud, Ja'far! Tulge minuga paleesse! Ja ärgem kunagi enam lahku! ♫ Tuhandest ja ühest eluajast ei piisa kulutamiseks, nii et teeme oma lugu lõpuni. Tehkem siis oma lugu lõpuni. ♫
45:16
KUULA! Vaata! Vaata! Allahi esindaja maa peal. Riigi isa. Inimeste karjane. Maa suverään. Ta kahest jalast. KUULA! Osirise ja Boratori poeg. Jumalik valitseja. KUULA! Kuninglik sultan. Sherrezade väidavad, et tal on kuldkeel. Ma ei uskunud kunagi, et näen seda päeva. Mis te arvate, mida ta meile ütleb? Millist tarkust ta jagab? VAIKUS! Sultan räägib nüüd oma püha häälega. [köha] Aastaid tagasi,
46:49
Ma võtsin sõrme, ja surusin oma peenise sisse. Ja seda pole sellest ajast peale välja tulnud. Ma kuulen nüüd kohtult. Väga tark ja kaasahaarav lugu, mu isand. Ma loodan, et me kõik võime sellest õppida. Kus mu oopium on? Mul peavad olema vein, magusliha ja juustud. Korraga mu isand. Ja nüüd tutvustab mu alandlik ja vääritu assistent Visier teie pühaks kaalutluseks mõnda teemat. Räägi nüüd, Ja'far! Ja ärge keppige seda! Tervitused teie kõrgendusele. See olen mina, Ja'far. Kaalun end teile alandlikult ja pakun välja selle maareformi seaduseelnõu. See on meie eluviisi jaoks hädavajalik. Ooo! Kes sa oled? Oh! Kas ma sir? Ma olen Ja'far. Nagu ma ütlesin-- Ei, mitte sina, sina habemega ahv.
48:29
Tema. Oh, see on minu naine. On au olla teie kohal suur sultan. Hm ... Ta on nüüd mu naine. Ma pean teda oma haaremi jaoks leidma. Mida? Ta paneb mu närtsinud nimmed taas elu tundma! Väga hea, mu isand! Ta on korraga sinu oma. Ei, ta on mu naine, see on neetud! Kas räägite oma sultani vastu? Oma kuninga vastu? Põlvil, poiss! Mida? Ei! Ja'far! Ei! [karjub valu] See naine vannitatakse, raseeritakse ja tuuakse korraga teie haaremisse, mu isand. Sherrezade! EI! Ma ei saa sellel juhtuda! Ta varastab sind minu juurest, on varas! Ma ei lase sind lahti! Aga peate, Ja'far! Sultan soovib seda ja meie eesmärk on teda teenida. Noh, võib-olla on mul nüüd uus eesmärk. Linn vajab teid. Kunagi saate te suurepäraseks visiiriks. Just see on teie lugu. Ma soovin, et mul oleks jõudu see lugu ümber kirjutada!
49:41
Ärge kunagi lõpetage seda soovida, Ja'far. Siin. Võta see. Ripats? Kas mäletate kahte armastajat? Tiigripea koopa võti! Me oleme ühel päeval taasühinenud ja avage imed, mis jäävad kaugemale teie kõige metsikumatest unistustest! Esiteks kaotasin ta sultanile. Siis kaotasin ta taevasse. Ma arvasin, et kui ma lihtsalt täidan oma kohust, saan ta tagasi! Nüüd olen kuninglik visiir. Ja jõuetult teda või meie linna päästa. Kui ei... Koobas. Lamp. Djinna andmise soov! ♫ Kui ma usuksin soovidesse, nii tobe kui tundub, Ma leiaksin selle varjatud koopa, pöörake aja liivale tagasi ja säästke teid! Kui ma usuksin unenägudesse, Kui ma usuksin maagiasse, Kui ma usuksin heasse, Ma oleksin parim nägija, paneksin meie mured kaduma, kui ma usuksin, et suudan.
51:25
Kuid soovid on unistused, ja unistused teesklevad, nii et teadus ja mõistus võidavad lõpuks kõik! Teadus väidab, et oled surnud ja igaveseks läinud, põhjus ütleb, et räägin eetriga, aga midagi minu südames, mingi salajane varjatud osa, nõuab ebaloogiliselt, et olete kohal kusagil! Kui ma usuksin soovidesse, kui ma leian võtme, võib-olla pole veel hilja saatuse kulgu muuta, sest lõppude lõpuks, ma pean olema üsna suurepärane, kui sa mind usuksid! ♫ Ja'far! Mis see on, kapten? Kas te ei näe, et ma olen hõivatud? Halvad uudised. See on printsess. Oleme kõikjal kontrollinud, kuid teda pole kusagilt leida.
52:44
Näib, et ta on ära jooksnud. Kogu tema jutt vabadusest! Ma oleksin pidanud seda tulema! Ma nõustun. See on kogu teie süü, Ja'far! Ära lihtsalt seisa seal! Mine välja ja leia ta üles. Ärge jätke ühtegi kivi pööramata. Mul on käsk, kus ma pean osalema. Oh printsess. Sa vaene naiivne tüdruk! Ma loodan ainult, et te pole langenud mõne seksi hullunud ruffia saagiks! Just nii, kullake. Tahan teid veel kord tänada, et mind turul tagasi päästsite. Ma ei suuda uskuda, et mees tahtis mind noomida just selle eest, et ta mõne õuna võttis! Jah, need kaupmehed on selliste asjade osas tõelised nunnud. See on nagu, kas ta tõesti sööb kõiki neid õunu? And did you know the ones he doesn't eat, he's trying to sell? For money? So greedy. Oh but you're so generous. Sticking your neck out for a girl you just met, while expecting absolutely nothing in return. And then insisting that I stay with you tonight! No prob. I do it all the time. Vau. You live here? Eh, I'm squattin' here.
54:04
It's beautiful. Yeah, it's kind of a mess right now. It's hard to keep a big place like this clean. Well don't you have someone to clean it for you? Like a slave? Well, I've got this monkey, but uh, he only cleans his side of the room, leaves the shower curtain open all the time, and he hasn't even started work on our screenplay. Unbelievable. This is so unfair! Poor people need slaves just as much as rich people do! Maybe even a little bit more. And do you know what the really sad part is? The people in power are doing absolutely nothing to change that! Change scares old people. Jah! Grownups just don't get us, you know? It's like, you're 16, And I'm... Jah. Vau. I'm only 33. I think I've seen it all, but I forget how young I am sometimes. I love how raw this conversation is. You are so mature! And deep! Of course it's a free thinker like you who's struggling to get by! And all because of our totally corrupt class system.
55:29
I hate the class system. That's why I said, "Fuck it, I'm never going to school again." So, you abandoned everything, to be free? That is so brave. Brave? Mina? Jah. But I was kinda forced into it. I had to grow up fast. My life has just been... so hard. ♫ I know you think I'm this perfect guy, but there's something I have to confess, I only hope it doesn't make you like me any less, I've got this tragic backstory that's driven other girls away, but I feel like I can trust you, you won't judge me for what I say. The others couldn't handle it, 'cause my story's just too sad, But here I go, you oughta know, I have no Mom or Dad. ♫
56:52
They died. Earlier this year. Now I'm an orphan. All my parents ever did was support me. Give me a place to stay, tell me they loved me no matter what. They were really bad parents. How's a 33 year old kid supposed to know how to survive on his own? You have no idea what it's been like. ♫ I have no one to bake me bread. No one to make my bed. No one to teach me the difference between right and wrong. Or to sing me a song I long to be as strong as I used to be. But I was orphaned at 33. ♫ Aladdin, I'm so sorry I didn't know! ♫ I've got no one to hold me tight, no one to kiss me goodnight. No one to press their breasts up against me and say, "It'll all be okay"
58:06
But hey, That's just the way life is for me. Since I was orphaned at 33. They call me a jerkoff, a burnout, a punk! But I can't let that junk in my head! I could've been a contender if not for the fact that my parents are dead. All things considered I think I turned out pretty good! Pulled myself up by my bootstraps and started stealing all I could! Still there's no one to love me now, but I'll make it through somehow. Despite being so sadly and crushingly all alone. But I make a solemn vow, that when I have kids of my own I'll break the chain. Sa näed. I'm gonna live forever! So they'll never know the pain of being orphaned at 33. ♫
59:51
Do you believe in love at first sight? Absolutely. I've experienced it. Many, many times. Oh Aladdin! There you are! They're after me! They're after you? There she is, guys! Get her, right there! Got him! Ole nüüd. Princess. I'm so glad we found you before this criminal was able to- Give me my first kiss? And you- No high five. And you ruined it! Now let him go. I cannot. This man must face trial for his crimes. But that is NOT FAIR! He's a victim of circumstance! Victim? Tell that to Bufool's twin brother Abdul! He was the victim. Well... unlike Aladdin, he probably had a family who loved him. Jah. Täpselt nii. This man must face the due punishment for all murdering thieves, beheading.
01:01:23
AUGH! Don't look at me like that! AUGH! These are my orders from Ja'far. This is all his fault. Ja'far is a MONSTER! You are late. A thousand apologies, oh patient one. You have it then? I had to slit a few throats, but I got it. Oh Yes. Yes! The other half of the golden scarab! Now I can finally find the entrance to the Tiger Head Cave! Wait wait, what? You slit people's throats? I didn't tell you to kill anyone! This is awful! Ja'far. No. That is just an expression. Mida? Jah! It means I got a killer deal at the marketplace! Slit, kill a deal- Oh! So you bought it off a merchant then? Ja ja. A real shrewd businessman too. But I was not intimidated. Ei I walk right into his shop, and I fucked his puppy. What?!? Hahaha! Ja'far! That is another common expression!
01:03:01
It means that I put that merchant in his place as if he were a defenseless little puppy. Oh! Colorful expressions in the marketplace these days. You know, Ja'far, you need to learn to relax. Not take everything so serious man. Well, I beg your pardon. You've done an excellent job, here is your payment. Ah thank you. Mm! It went great! Until that merchant realized how bad I screwed him on the price. Man. Did he ever chop my dick off. Hahaha! He chopped your dick off! [Naer] That's a good- What the fuck are you laughing at? Wha-? You think that's funny, Ja'far? Maybe you like to have a look at where my dick used to be?! AAAAHHH! Asshole! We've got a kingdom to save and a lamp to find. The Tiger Head Cave is said to be a treacherous place. But no matter, I know just the able bodied soul I can risk in good conscience. So let me get this straight.
01:04:20
You busted me out of jail so I could go to a cave filled with mountains of gold, and the only thing you want is a crummy old lamp? Precisely. The rest of the treasure is yours. But the lamp is mine. I love you, man! I'm gonna have so much gold! I could swim through it, like a pool. Do you think people can really do that? Ei But once you have all that money you can finally leave your life of crime behind, run away and never return. I'm totally gonna do that. I just gotta do this one thing first. What thing would that be? Well, this thing, is a girl. Mida? Jah. Shes got these eyes that just- And her butt? Vau! And her totties? Oh! She's just, she's just so- Beautiful? Fuckable! But she's the Princess. To even stand a chance I'd have to have enough money to like, hire an army of assassins to kill the royal vizier and all the palace guards.
01:05:37
Then I can sneak in and you know, pork her. 'Cause dude, once I get my mind set on a chick, I just can't move on until I get this nut out. Well first you must escape the Tiger Head Cave with your life. THEN you can get your nut out. Your eternal nut out. Nice. So where is this place anyway? Ma ei tea. Yet. Oh it worked! It worked! Follow that trail! ♫ I'll be treated like a hero all the citizens adore, they'll throw a parade in my honor with peacocks and monkeys galore. The people will cheer for the royal vizier, for answering duty's call. Not that I care for glory. I just want a story with a happy ending for all! I can't wait to be a rich dude, because I've heard it told,
01:07:01
that stealing is so much easier when you've already got tons of gold! But I've got my eye on what money can't buy, 'cause that Princess is ooh hella tight. I'll be the one who plunders her cave of wonders, get a happy ending tonight! My innocent Aladdin, please darling don't be dead. It puts a damper on our love if you don't have a head! I wish that you could fly away, escape somehow and soar, and take me to a world where we'll have everything and more! ♫ Oh there it is! The entrance to the Tiger Head Cave! Mine edasi! ♫ And one day the genie will say to me, "Ja'far, you're a man of such virtue.
01:08:10
I hate to see how your loneliness and your memories hurt you. Shouldn't a man who's so noble, and who's influence is so global, have someone by his side? I know what you're wishin', so with your permission, I'd like to bring back your bride." And with my wife beside me, my failures will be absolved. The world will be a paradise with all its problems solved. We'll retire to some far off place, and share an itty bitty living space, a humble yet cozy abode. Where we can write our own happy ending! I want everything and more! I steal everything! We'll get our happy ending!
01:09:36
Meaning everything! And that happy ending starts I want everything I'll steal everything Tonight! ♫ Vau! What happened? Dude! I was swimming through this pile of gold in there right? When it all turned into lava! I'm so lucky I escaped on this flying carpet! Did you get the lamp? Well I got A lamp. Oh wonderful boy! Toss it here! Not so fast. You said you wanted a common oil lamp. Jah. Of absolutely no value. Precisely, that's the one! No. This couldn't be it. 'Cause this lamp has a magic Djinn inside. He came out for a bit, and he's really funny! Oh I'm sorry I knew about the Djinn, I'm sorry that I deceived you. I just needed it to save the kingdom! Well you lied, dude! All that other treasure was just lava in disguise! So I'm stealing this thing! Aladdin one, old fart zippo! See ya! No. NO! Soldiers! Armies of Pixar!
01:11:10
My faithful legions! Your prince has returned! Prince Achmed there you are! We'd almost forgotten about you. We weren't sure if you were ever coming back my prince. Of course I came back! Why wouldn't I? Men! You would not believe the disrespect that I was shown on my journey to the Magic Kingdom. But I come to you with proof of the crimes done against me! Everyone, look at my ass! [Gasps] Tell me, what do you see? A smooth set of cheeks my prince. A clean and pert ass my lord! I see the back of your balls. That's right. Claw marks is what you see. Ohhh! And how do you suppose they got there? You received the manhood of a badger. Oh! You smiled at a crocodile! Those are stretch marks, they happen. It was a tiger!
01:12:22
Oh I see! You received the manhood of a tiger! Yes! Did you hear that lads? Our prince made love to a tiger! All hail Achmed, the tiger fucker! Tiger fucker, tiger fucker! I DID NOT FUCK A TIGER! One was set upon me. That darn cat tore right through the seat of my pants, and grabbed ahold of my woody. Tiger fucker, tiger fucker! No no no! My WOODY. Vaata. His arm is all fucked up. And now, now he can't come with me to cowboy camp! All because of that ungrateful, odious, pretty, beautiful, beautiful Princess. [Cries] It's never going to happen. A girl like her. A guy like me. I'm not handsome of the face.
01:13:42
Ei! Silence. I have this weird sticky-uppy nose, and this ridiculous mustache. I should just shave it! Don't you dare! We love you just the way you are! No matter what happens, you will always be a prince to me. Aitäh. ♫ In your homeland you're a legend. All the people know your name. On the battlefield and off you are superior. Ma tean. In the kingdom though I'm finding that my only claim to fame is an incident involving my posterior. Posterior... Please. I've won scores of bloody wars and mopped the floors with my foes, but no one remembers Achmed! I've eviscerated peasants from their heads down to their toes, but no one remembers Achmed! Say my name in these parts and you'll get a vacant stare,
01:14:53
until you mention tigers or spotted underwear! Spotted underwear! So to restore my repute as a fierce fearsome brute, there's only one route I see, Arrange the slaughter of millions of innocent civilians, then they'll remember me! ♫ The kingdom has oppressed us for years. But I've been ignored for too long. We're going to war! ♫ Caked in mud, or drenched in blood you smell as fresh as a flower, I guess... but no one remembers Achmed! You can pleasure sixty concubines in only an hour, Less! But no one remembers Achmed! Back home I was a hero ladies trembled when I spoke, but here the women treat me like a throw-away joke. Throw him away... I'm a god on earth but darn it, even deities incarnate now and then can feel a little insecure.
01:16:03
Insecure... All I want is some affection this rejection's almost too much to endure! To endure, look at all he must endure! ♫ Am I not a thing of beauty? Don't you want a piece of this? Wouldn't you gladly give up all of your worldly possessions just to greet me when I come home from a one sided massacre, and bathe my sweaty, bloody body with your tongue? ♫ You ooze sex when you flex, those impeccable pecs! But the Princess rejects me still! She may not love me yet, but I'm willing to bet that once I kill all her people she will! Yes she will yes she absolutely will! Let them laugh, that's just fine, but the last laugh will be mine 'cause they can't laugh when they're all dead. I'll make them all regret the day they chose to forget, what's that name everyone? Tiger Fucker! ♫ EI! ♫ Like I said what's that name?
01:17:21
You're the cock of the walk, with abs as hard as a rock, Nevermore will they mock you, Achmed! He fucked a tiger! ♫ I did not fuck a tiger! ♫ They'll remember Achmed! They'll remember Achmed! They'll remember Achmed! They'll remember me! Tiger fucker, tiger fucker, Achmed is a tiger fucker! They'll remember Achmed the tiger fucking man! ♫ Mida? March! Knock knock. Oh...you. Aren't you busy? Ruining my life? I noticed you weren't at dinner, but I saw you tried to poison my wine. Usually, when you do that it means you want to talk. Mis toimub? Are you mad at me? All right, I've got to go find the antidote... Where are you going? There she is! So what's wrong? Everything. You ripped out my heart and smashed it into a million pieces!
01:18:50
And don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about! Uhhhh... You know, that innocent boy from the marketplace! The one that you sentenced to death? You know! Al-, Al llluuh- Aladdin? Yes Aladdin! The name that will forever be burned into my soul. First of all, I would hardly call him a boy. He was well into his thirties. He was perfect! Like if you cobbled together all the best features from all the best guys, and then gave him a tragic backstory! It's like he was designed specifically to appeal to me. Princess, he was not a nice kind of fellow! You just didn't know him like I did! No you didn't know him like I did! I knew everything about him! He was my soulmate! My- my- God I am flaking out! What was his name? Aladdin? Aladdin. Mhm... I'm writing that down. Aladdin. That's weird. Two L's?
01:19:59
Uh, no. One L two D's. Oh jumal. Oh, that looks weird. Yeah it's weird. Princess. All your life I've been your vizier. Your tutor, believe it or not I care about you! You're going to have to rule this kingdom one day and I'm trying my best to prepare you! But I don't want to be prepared! I want to expect the unexpected! So you think you could handle ruling the kingdom right now? Absolutely. Then how would you protect the kingdom against Prince Achmed should he invade? Well- who? Or more simply, how would you fix the socioeconomic inequality? Oh, Oh! I've been thinking about this a lot lately. And uh hmm, how privileged I am. And how because I am the Princess, everyone has to be nice to me and give me things. So I think it would solve all of the kingdom's problems if we just made everyone a princess!
01:21:12
Okei... You know it would work! You're young. You don't exactly get how things work yet. And while I don't appreciate any of your ideas, I do appreciate the fact that you have ideas! Maybe one day you'll have some good ones! But I wouldn't give another thought to this Aladdin. He's just like all the other princes in our kingdom. Sexual predators the lot of them! Their tactics target vulnerable young girls, and build up false senses of trust, and then isolate them on magic rides of sorts! And when the moment is right, they whip it out. Sa tead... Their songs. Ohh. Songs. Be wary of young boys who whip out their songs. A song is often a prelude, to a dick. A song is a dick in sheep's clothing! And if you are ever in doubt, just remember this song: ♫ A song is a dick in sheep's clothing! A song means a dick is on the way! ♫ Ja'far! What is it Captain? Can't you see I'm trying to impart a life lesson? I feel like you only come to see me when there's bad news!
01:22:32
Not this time. Oh thank heavens! What is it then? Horrible news. Some fool atop an elephant is leading a parade throughout the marketplace. A parade? With no permits? No clearing of the streets? What of the apple carts? They're all turned over! Ei! And it gets worse.The madman's throwing gold pieces to the starving masses. And they're trampling each other to get to it. I counted thirteen dead before the peacocks got to them. Oh shit. This is all your fault, Ja'far! Maybe if you threw a parade every once in awhile- I don't want to hear it! Captain, let's go. Princess, we'll talk later. It was actually a pretty good parade. They even had a flying carpet. A flying carpet. Could it be? Ei! That Aladdin is far too clever to show his face in the city again. And even if he did, he'd be in such heavy disguise. Knock knock knock. Did somebody order a prince? [Gasp] Aladdin!
01:23:49
How the fuck did you know it was me? Because it is you. You're just wearing different clothes. Vau. Pretty and smart. You're the whole shebang babe. But how did you escape being executed? Uh, I escaped, 'cause I'm a prince. You're a prince? But I thought that you were a poor orphan boy! Oh I'm having trouble believing this. Ei! Ei! I AM a prince. Everything I told you the other night was a lie. Don't you trust me? So, you're not a tragic figure rebelling against the Man? Babe, I am the man. And you stole all of that stuff just 'cause? Täpselt nii. Ugh. Oh ei. Ok, um, now I'm kind of feeling like everything about you that was attractive to me before isn't really there anymore. Ei! No. I'm just being indecisive. It's still you. I've just got to get back on that high that I was on before.
01:25:12
Oh! You want to get high? Jah. Look into my eyes and talk to me some more about the world's injustice! Muidugi. Just let me roll this blunt first. Yo, Djinn listen up little dude. I know I can't wish for this chick to fall in love with me, 'cause that's against your rules or whatever. But I don't want her to love me, man. I just want her to fuck me. Can I wish for that? NO?!? Jeez, how many rules do you got dude? Funny bastard. Hästi. Guess I'm gonna have to do this the old fashioned way. Kuule! Aladdin here! How you guys doing tonight, eh? Cool, cool, cool just shut up for a second I want to get serious. You guys know there's a way to get people to think about sex without even talking about sex? You just gotta do it subliminally. Watch and learn. Hey babe. Such a beautiful night (take off your clothes) What did you just say? I said it's beautiful out. Oh! Look at the west tower of the palace (and take off your clothes!) What does it look like? A big long shaft, with a tiny head on top,
01:26:49
what does that remind you of? A Giraffe! Really? That's not what I see. Maybe you can't (take off your clothes) get a good look at it from down here. What do you say we take a magic carpet ride? (and your clothes off?) Ooo! [carpet swishy noises] Let's go to a place that's a bit more isolated. (where you can't escape taking off your clothes.) (take off your clothes, take off your clothes, take off your clothes take off your clothes) Oh no you guys. Do you think that Ja'far could be right about Aladdin? [most audience] YES. [Darren Criss in the audience] I don't think so. Me neither! Aladdin is so nice and charming. I mean, its not like he's singing or anything. ♫ See that palace of gold, shining, sparkling, metallic, and a little bit phallic. Take a look and you'll agree. See those leaves on the ground, spelling something explicit?
01:28:22
SFX? Dont you blink or you'll miss it, gently asking you and me, Take off your clothes! So many hidden messages. Subtle yet slightly lewd, but if you're shrewd they'll put you in the mood. To take off your clothes! I feel compelled subconsciously! I don't know why or how, but here and now, I'm tempted to take off my clothes with you! I wanna take off my clothes with you! I feel free as a bird with no cage and no owner! Look that priest has a boner! No I think that's just his knees! Take off your clothes. What a perfect romance! The universe is telling you. I can't wait til we're married! Each sign is planted there with loving care, accept the cosmic dare
01:29:30
And take off your clothes! And take off your clothes! Princess take off your pants! Don't have to pretend with me! Show me your magic carpet! Even the stars above reflect our love. They want me to take off my clothes with you! ♫ You love me? Muidugi. And you're a prince? Babe. I'm the most powerful prince in the world. More powerful than Prince Achmed? Hey I don't even know who that guy is. Maybe this is how I help save the kingdom. By marrying you! Marry me, Aladdin! If I do will you ♫ take off your clothes Wait not so fast, take off your clothes, Let's make this last At least your top? Aladdin stop. ♫ Listen babe, I mean, I know you're scared. I mean am too. I've never done this before. Well, until we're married can't we just sit out here and look up at the stars?
01:30:48
Okei. Okei. Kuule. I respect you, you know? (Take off your clothes!) [Swishy carpet noises] Hahahahaha. Aga. Let me ask you this, Is your penis an innie or an outie? Mmmhh, innie. Mine too. SULTAN! My lord, my liege. Ja'far, can't you see I'm in the middle of a mind blowing conversation with this furry man? Mis see on? I was just in the marketplace clearing up after an unauthorized parade, when I saw him. Prince Achmed is back! Kes? I prayed that he was just a one off joke, not to be taken seriously! But he's brought the entire army of Pixar with him and they'll break through our walls. Our kingdom is doomed! And I have failed you. Jah. You have. Like always. And like always, I've had to rectify your incompetence!
01:32:16
Mida? Kuidas? Yes! The Princess has finally chosen a suitor. A prince whom she will wed upon the morrow. He will call upon his armies and they will defeat Prince Achmed. Who is this man? This hero? Why the greatest prince in all the world! Why he's got 50 elephants, llamas galore. Bears, lions, a brass band! A brass band. And whores! Don't forget about all my whores! YOU! Where is the lamp? Vau! Please don't hurt me! Ja'far what are you doing to that Prince? This is no prince! This is the wanted thief Aladdin! How the fuck did you know it was me? Ja'far no. Aladdin explained everything to me. He was just pretending to be a wanted criminal. For FUN. He's actually a powerful prince. No he's a liar. This is the truth. I took him into the desert in search of a lamp containing a wish granting Djinn. Just stay with me. I was hoping to use the lamp to save the kingdom but this thief stole it from me! And now I suspect- Oh what the fuck am I talking about? Ma tean. I KNOW that he used the lamp and wished for this prince costume!
01:33:28
That is what we are looking at right now. I bet the lamp is under that lamp sized hat. Bullshit! Why would I pretend to be a prince? Just to get laid? That's not me. Boy, do the first good deed of your life and hand over the lamp! You have selfishly squandered its magic for long enough! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Why're you picking on me, Ja'far? Afraid I'll reveal your little secret? What secret? Does anybody else here ever wonder how this guy just opens his yapper and can talk anybody into anything he wants? What's he using? Logic. Reason. See, I was kinda thinking uh... magic. Sultan, Princess, this guy is a sorcerer! Mida? Think about it, how is it that he knows so much shit? Hey Ja'far, where do hippopotamuses come from? Africa. See you fucking know that sorcerer! You are flying by the seat of your pants, boy. No one here believes you! Jah. I can't believe it. I have had a SORCERER in my midst this entire time!
01:34:43
Guards! Capture that sorcerer! Mida? Ei! This is your own fault, Ja'far. I should've known you were a sorcerer. You idiots! You're all idiots! Taking the word of that worthless street rat over a lifelong faithful servant! How I ever served you for all these years I'll never understand. I would've expected this from all of you bozos but Princess, I am very disappointed in you. All right I've heard enough. Sieze that vile betrayer. Off with his head. No I don't want to get my head chopped off! So I'm going to combine this bottle of Potassium Chlorate and this bottle of Sodium Bicarbonate. It will create a large cloud of smoke which I'll use as a cover to make my escape. It will look as if something magical has happened, but it's simply a chemical reaction, not sorcery. Chemistry. And poof! [Coughing] Vau! I thought I was just bullshitting you guys! But he actually was a sorcerer! Ooh I was in the same room as a sorcerer! Captain! Find that sorcerer!
01:35:51
Oh I can handle this! I got one wish left! I was saving it for a bigger dick but... Oh sitt! Where's the lamp?!? ♫ I've gone against my Sultan, the highest act of treason. But I had good intentions, I did it for a reason. They'll kill me if I'm lucky, they'll torture me if not. What made me think that I could get away with such a plot? It's not too late to bring it back perhaps I'll be forgiven... But if my crime can help improve the world we all must live in, am I not bound by duty to the people of this nation? How does the Golden Rule apply in such a situation? As a citizen, I think I would be grateful for the aid, but if I were the Sultan I should hate to be betrayed! Whatever road I take I'll be incurring someone's wrath, 'til now I've only traveled down the straight and narrow path! Temptation may have beckoned but I always have resisted. But which way do I turn, when the road's become so, so...
01:37:11
Twisted? Kes sa oled? A fellow traveler down a twisted path. No I know you! From Sherrezade's stories! Ah ah ah! You THINK you know me as others think they know you. But there are two sides to every story. ♫ I used to be the ruler of the ocean, I was benevolent and always kept my word, but my brother held the antiquated notion that women should be seen and never heard! So he dethroned me, then disowned me, and on top of that rezoned me to the outskirts of the kingdom in a cave! Took my scepter and my crown, though I tried to take him down, the truth and I now share a watery grave! The story lingers on, but the version that is drawn is twisted! ♫
01:38:24
A pain I know all too well. ♫ The pride had never seen a more progressive king than me, both lion and hyena lived in perfect harmony. I brought an end to what had been a senseless age old feud, I was prepared for anything except for what ensued! My brother ate my heirs, my precious cubs! And stole my throne. Returned to segregation and the hateful ways we'd known. Though I'd advocate for unity I always was denounced, so when I saw an opportunity to right the wrong, I pounced. The pride came before my fall in a fate that one might call, well, twisted! ♫ They weren't ready for my ideas! No. They didn't hate you because of your ideas. They hated you because of that evil looking scar on your face! Fortune favors the beautiful. Au contraire! My only crime was love. In town there was only she who was as beautiful as me. On the inside.
01:39:45
But then, tragedy struck. She was taken hostage in a castle filled with demonic furniture! So I did what anyone would do and I organized a rescue mission. But how was I to know that she had fallen in love with her captor? To me that doesn't seem entirely healthy. Especially since he's a wolf bear thing... a buffalo monster... in a cape! ♫ But the heart wants what it wants. And sometimes what it wants is twisted! Twisted. Twisted. I only wished to reclaim what was mine! Twisted. Twisted. I only wished for equal rights for all! Twisted. I only wished to save her! Twisted. I only wished to be invited to the party! Twisted. Twisted. I only wished to improve relations between the races! Twisted. I only wished to teach the boy responsibility! Twisted. Twisted. I only wished to give the people a voice! Twisted. Twisted. So he wouldn't end up like me! Twisted. Twisted. I only wished to love her! Twisted. Twisted. To help the miserable, lonely, and depressed! Twisted. Twisted. To be included... Twisted. To live in harmony! Twisted.
01:40:59
...for once! Twisted. I never knew my father! Twisted. I only wished for justice, I only wished for freedom. I only wished for love, I only wished for peace. I only wished for justice, I only wished for freedom. I only wished for love, I only wished for peace. I only wished, I only wished, I only wished, I only wished! ♫ I only wished to have a coat made out of puppies! Mida? Just leave! Why would you do that? Stop helping! That's insane. I want a puppy coat. It's an unfortunate situation. But you do have a choice. ♫ What remains of a man when that man is dead and gone? Only memories and stories of his deeds will linger on. And if a man's accomplishments aren't in the tale they tell, are the deeds that go unheralded his legacy as well? If a war breaks out tomorrow we'll all have hell to pay. Why protect my reputation? I'm a dead man either way.
01:42:35
How will they tell my story? How will they tell my tale? Will anybody even care? The question then is whether 'tis nobler in the mind to be well liked but ineffectual, or moral but maligned? I'll never be a hero all the citizens adore, but if I hide to save my life what has my life been for? What has my life been for? The road ahead may twist, but I will never swerve. I'll give them all the unsung anti-hero they deserve! I've nothing left to lose, so the only path to choose is twisted! Let them twist my words let the people scorn me, who cares if no one will ever mourn me? Let them bury the side of the story they'll never learn!
01:43:47
Let the truth be twisted. Let my life be twisted. I'll be twisted it's my turn! ♫ Citizens of the Magic Kingdom! Your armies have abandoned you! Your ruling class is corrupt and we have come to put an end to your tyrannical rule! You'll never end our tyrannical rule! Oh Princess! Funny seeing you here. It is I, Prince Achmed! Kes? Prince Achmed. I visited you last week. I swore vengeance? I brought my army to ravage your people? Oh! That's right. Didn't my tiger eat your ass? Tiger fucker! Tiger fucker! Lõpeta! Ei! Your tiger did NOT eat or fuck my ass.
01:45:15
It is I who will be doing the fucking today. That's right. Bring Achmed his tiger and nobody gets hurt. SHUT UP! Stop it. Uh, what I meant was that I'm going to fucking destroy this kingdom. I'm so sorry, Achmed. You are not fucking destroying this kingdom any time soon. Mida? We have a great and powerful prince to protect us. One with an army far greater than yours! Impossible. It is said that he faced the galloping hordes. That's like, a hundred bad guys with swords. Soon you will be the one surrendering! Prince Achmed, make way for Prince Aladdin! Aladdin! Al-, Yeah Aladdin! Where is he? Heeheeheehee! It appears that your prince has cold feet! Now step aside Princess, it's not you I'm after. I come for the head of the Sultan.
01:46:51
Then you come for my head Achmed! Ja'far? Ja'far? Ja'far! What is the meaning of this? You are not the Sultan. Yes I am! I have been gifted power Achmed! And soon I will have the power to destroy your puny army! Impossible. Come forth my Djinn! You all powerful and terrible thing! You who can command the very stars and the moon! Come forth and serve your master! Aw man, ugh. Vau! You talking to me? You talking to me? Yes, I am talking to you! Now get your ass over here! Okei. Here's Johnny! All right, Johnny. That's the thing John, uh, when Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists. So I use my first wish to become the Sultan. I wish I had a million dollars! Hot dog! Okei. Calm the fuck down! Now I must use your powers again, my Djinn. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world she walks into mine.
01:48:15
Kes? Rosebud. Ja'far what's going on here? Who's this very funny blue man standing next to you? This is my Djinn, Johnny. I'm Turboman! I'm sorry, I guess his name is actually Turboman. Ssh! I'm Batman! Just give me a minute. Kuulake! I am a mortal man and don't understand your strange godlike tongue! You're going to have to work with me here! I don't work for toons. A toon killed my brother. I have got to use my second wish to destroy that army and to do that I've got to become more than a man. I've got to become- A symbol. No no. A Jedi. Ei! Ei! A dick for. What's a dick for? [Naer] He got your ass! He got your ass! EI! I've got to become a sorcerer! Can you do that? Jah. But you're gonna have to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well do ya punk? Yes I do feel lucky, I've got a magic Djinn!
01:49:39
But I think he might be a fucking moron! Kuule. Don't look at me like I'm frickin' Frankenstein. Give your father a hug. Scott, Scott, c'mon Scott. Get your stinkin' paws off me you damn dirty ape! Turboman! My fuse is about this long right now. Are you referencing something? Are you trying to make me laugh like some kind of work of fiction that I'm unaware of? I was not charmed by the song you sang when you came out of the lamp, and I am not charmed by your crazy bullshit now. You either need to back me the fuck up, or shut the fuck up. Got it? You had me at hello. Hea küll. Achmed are you still there? Jah. Prepare to die. Oh! Olgu. I make my second wish. I wish to become the most powerful sorcerer in the world! Schwing! Don't just stand there! Charge! Kuule! Where we going? Monkey, monkey, I got the carpet, where'd you? Ah forget him. See ya in hell monkey!
01:51:23
See ya in hell Princess! See ya in hell kingdom! Aladdin! I was looking all over for you! Achmed is attacking. Where is your army? Uh, they're just lost right now. I'm gonna go meet them half way bring them back here- We don't have time for that. We're all gonna die! Right! And what's the last thing you want to do before that happens? Take off your clothes. That's right have sex! Hurry take off your clothes. I'm not going to take off my clothes in the middle of a battle! Miks mitte? Ei! Ei! Ei! My skin is melting! Djinn, Djinn where are you? Come and fight me Ja'far. Fight me like a man, you cowardly snake! Hästi. I'm tired of those motherf'in snakes on this motherfucking train! Djinn, Achmed's forces are too great. Even with all my power I cannot defeat them. We'll have to take as many civilians as we can, move them to the palace, and retreat! In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances. Would you stop acting like an asshole for one minute?
01:52:40
Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me! Ok, ok. Just move that palace to the top of that fucking cliff. OVER THERE! All righty then. [Magic noises] Come on babe, you're such a tease! You're making my balls as blue as my genie's balls. I'm not a tease. I'm just... not a freak. Oh! Oh right you're like a strong powerful woman. So maybe what you need is a strong powerful guy to go all strong and powerful on you. Aladdin stop. You're pissing me off. You're making sex seem gross and lame. In fact, I'm sure, yeah! I'm never gonna have sex with you! Wha? You should never say never babe. Take off your clothes, take off your clothes Why isn't it working? What the hell is going on in here? Nothing! You got that Aladdin? We're not a thing anymore, okay? We're just having our first fight. Maybe after some makeup sex, Ei Tead mida? I thought you were mature for your age.
01:53:58
But you're just like all the other 16 year old princesses I've dated. Except you're forgetting one thing. I'm a thief. I take what I want. Get back! Princess! One step and the little girl gets it! I'm not moving just be cool. Who're you telling me to be cool, motherfucker? I'm getting out of here! I'm making a clean getaway back to my apartment, and little Princess is coming with me! Ei! I won't let you take her. You have no idea how much that girl means to me. I love her! Uh you love her? Dude she's like half your age you're a total pedo! Ei! Not that kind of love, you shit for brains! You don't understand. My wife was with child when she was taken by the Sultan. She died in childbirth. And then the Princess was coincidentally born around- the same time. By Allah, how could I have never seen it before? The Sultan inverted his penis years ago! He couldn't have children! Aladdin please. Don't hurt her. I love her like a daughter! Surely even you have felt this kind of love before?
01:55:13
Oh jah. I loved my parents. But that didn't stop me from doing what needed to be done. Oota. Mida? Yeah dude, remember me? Sina ... You're the guy who killed my parents. Where you been man? In your reflection. I live here. No, I live here. Ei! You're just squattin' here. Wait-wait-wait... If I'm you, then that means, I killed my parents? But I didn't want them to die! Who are you kidding? You wished for it every goddamn day of your life. They were gonna kick you out of the house! They were, weren't they? Make you get a job. I don't want one of those. That's why.... they had to die. Vau. I guess you're right. I guess I should be thanking you. Yeah I think a thank you's in order! Well thank you. You're welcome! Now, time to get that lamp back. Oota. What're you gonna do with the lamp? Wish for stuff, jackass! Like how you wished to be this prince. Pretty good idea by the way.
01:56:49
But there are better ideas. Better wishes. Like what? Ma ei tea ... but it's gonna be one HELL of a ride. Okei. Jesus Christ, I don't know what's going on here. But you are in no position to be handling that knife or this lamp! Back off! Listen to him man, he'll kill you! Yeah now you're getting it! See, I'm the one who deserves that lamp. Because I'm the best wisher. Because I'm the best wisher. That's the trick! You just really have to believe your own bullshit! Who else could've done it? And come this far? YOU? You're an ugly old fart! You're right, you're right. I'm not the kind of person who can use the lamp. I don't believe in wishes. It takes someone who believes they can change the world to actually do it. Jah. Someone like me. So why don't you hand that lamp over to someone that knows how to use it? I think I will. But if I give you the lamp, will you give me the Princess? Sure, you can have this prude!
01:58:07
I can wish for a slutty princess, or a million! I can wish for anything! Ooh I'm getting excited about this guy! Then so be it! But first, I make my final wish. Djinn, I wish to take your place as the wish granter! Do you hear that? You're free! I wish to be the all powerful genie! It's groundhog day! What?!? Ei! Ei! Ei! The Djinn can't be free! I didn't get my last wish! Oh c'mon, work you stupid lamp! This isn't fair! Life is supposed to be fair! Yes! The power! The absolute power! Oh sitt! The universe is mine to command. To control! And I am at your service. Princess. Ja'far! You're... ...like a devil guy. No, I'm just a Djinn. Oh! Why did you wish for that? Kas sa ei näe? Aladdin was right about one thing.
01:59:22
My wishes were weak. But you. Your youth and your passion, and yes your naivete, these give you power. When I was your age I thought I could accomplish anything I ever wanted, and more! But I didn't. Perhaps no one does. But you have to think you will or you won't have the strength to try. And maybe you won't make any big changes, but a few little ones that pave the way for the next generation! And then they'll make small changes and leave it to the next and the next! It's a bit like a carousel of progress. Always spinning towards a great big beautiful tomorrow. And tomorrow is just a dream away. But what if tomorrow never comes? No. Tomorrow always comes. Even if it comes without us. Without me. The lamp and the Djinn must return to the Tiger Head Cave, but before I go I can grant three wishes. I don't think I'm ready. Oh, you must be. This is your kingdom now.
02:00:41
♫ What will I do without you to guide me? When I am lost, where will I turn? So many doubts and fears inside me. I'm just a child, I've so much to learn. You remind me of someone I knew long ago, you have her eyes. You have her heart. That's why I love you so, and that's how I know, that somewhere deep within you, like a tiny seed, waiting to grow into a flower, you have the power to lead. You've done your best to heed me, but you don't need me as a guide. For it's been in you all along.
02:01:48
The power inside. If I do have power beyond what meets the eye, the source of all my hidden value is the morale you supply. If I'm capable of greatness, it's not innateness don't you see? You're the one who put it there, the power in me. Do not be fooled by appearances, for though it may seem small, the power to love one another is the greatest power of all! No matter where life leads us, we'll never be apart! Through thick and thin, success or ruin! I'll carry you in my heart!
02:03:00
And I will treasure forever what the world will never see. You are kind and that's enough. You're a diamond in the rough. And you are the power. The power in me. The power in me. ♫ Now Princess, what do you wish of me? I wish there was a way to end the war with Pixar peacefully! And I wish the kingdom had a Sultan who would make it the Happiest place on Earth again. What else? ♫ I wish you didn't have to go when our story's just begun. ♫ I'm sorry Princess. There are a couple provisos, a few quid pro quos. That's one wish I cannot grant. ♫ Then I wish you every happiness.
02:04:24
It is done. ♫ Princess! Princess! There you are! Mis see on? It's your father. We went in to give him his daily pleasurings and we found him dead. In his cold dead hand we found this declaration, apparently his last act as Sultan was signing it. From this moment forth, the Princess shall be the majority stockholder and sole ruler of the kingdom. Princess, it's a miracle. Mida? Achmed's artillery just blew open a secret vault in the palace containing the lost treasure of Ali Baba. Here it is men. The throne room. I'm sorry Achmed, you are not destroying this kingdom anytime soon. Wanna bet? No. I want to buy. For my first act as Sultan, I'm going to purchase the entirety of Pixar in the name of the Magic Kingdom. Are you being ridiculous with me right now, Princess?
02:05:41
Buy Pixar? We are a proud and noble people, very protective of our name and brand. I could never sell Pixar for any amount of money! Captain, how much was Ali Baba's treasure? It was more money than I'd ever seen. But I was able to count it. 7.4 billion drachma. SOLD! And a pleasure doing business with you Princess! But there is one condition. You must bring in new administrators from your land. Men with good ideas to help us rebuild. Well that can be arranged. We'll set you on the right track. But you must respect our traditions and our heritage. Please, return our kingdom to its commitment to devotion and to duty. You must bring back the 2 Ds. All hail our new sultan. The Princess. Oh rise, rise!
02:06:50
From now on, no one need bow to anyone else. Equality will finally come to this kingdom for all. From now on, everyone is a princess. Even me? Even you! Even me? Oh yes even you! So many great things have happened today. This is all Ja'far's fault! Yes, you're right, Captain. Captain? Don't you mean princess? I am so sorry, princess. Darn tootin'. Wait, what happened to Ja'far? So this is the life of a Djinn. Phenomenal cosmic powers. Shitty, shitty living space. So ends the untold story of a royal vizier. Funny... that's not the ending I recall. Mida? You're forgetting the best part, when the two lovers are reunited and they live happily ever after. Sherrezade but how? I'm pretty sure someone wished for your happiness.
02:08:34
So I've come back to stay with you in the lamp. Doesn't this make you happy? Yes of course! But doesn't that mean you're trapped here forever? I always said a thousand and one nights wasn't enough! Oh then the Princess, she really did it! Her other wishes-? Came true as well! By making everyone a princess she ensured that they were all treated with respect and compassion. They all did unto others as they were done unto. She followed the Golden Rule! And led her people into the third Golden Age. But Sherrezade, how do you know these things? In the lamp, we exist outside of time and space. It's how the Djinn was able to watch all those funny movies he quoted. We can see anything, anytime, anywhere. Oh then let's go see what happened to that thief Aladdin! Aahh! Saalam and good evening, worthy friend! Please come closer! Ooh a little too close! Is that Aladdin? He's old and fat! Yes look at this! Combination hookah and coffee maker!
02:09:41
Also makes julienne fries! Will not break! Will not- It broke. He's hawking second hand goods, he's a loser! This is no ordinary lamp! It once changed the course of a young man's life. A young man who was not what he seemed. He does this til his 55th year when he is killed by a thief over a loaf of bread. And that's the end of the true story. And what of our story? How does it end? It doesn't. ♫ A thousand and one lifetimes is not enough to spend, At last we have a story with no end! Let this be a story... with... no.... end! ♫ [vocalizing]
02:10:53
♫ Where we can write our own happy ending! I want everything! I steal everything We'll get our happy ending! Meaning everything And that happy ending starts I want everything I'll steal everything Tonight! ♫ Made you look! ♫ A Thousand and One Nights ♫

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