Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier (Whole Show)

Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier (Whole Show)

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00:00
[Music] once upon a time in a faraway land there was a Magic Kingdom that prospered through its commitment to two simple ideals beauty and devotion the 2ds for many years the kingdom stood as a shining beacon for artisans craftsmen and storytellers who are flocked to the land with a dream to uphold the sacred duties through their hard work a glorious golden age came to the
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kingdom followed by a second even greater than the first then came the dark times the kingdom fell into the hands of an evil Sultan and through his negligence the kingdom fell to the happiest place on earth became two crappiest place on earth despite the efforts of one man a man with dream to restore the kingdom to its former glory and to bring about the prophesized third golden age a
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misunderstood man this is his story the untold story of a Royal vizier [Applause] [Music] I look around the kingdom and see the desperation and the devastation that persists no matter what I do but today could be the day
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I finally make a difference and all the Grateful citizens will say to [Music] you Japan oh good morning Baker are you off to today you no-good piece of did you just call me a blaster new friend I said nothing that was my bird he has the ability to repeat words that others have spoken well in that case we
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should teach in these words you too far why are we dying in the street [Music] Dahlia is the reason for Emanuel we're upset we should we must intercept
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[Music] every child raised within the kingdom you've got to dream a little harder a little harder I've come to return the book I borrowed but put it down it's one of my favorites the story of the kingdoms [Music] [Music]
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[Music] mostly well get your 50 cent [Music] dream a little harder [Music] you are sure of your intention [Music] no prize I'm not so easy on the eyes I can't rely on books to gently bar but ugliest permits a man to use his wits cuz pretty people never have to try
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I feel the people prosper as I walk about the streets I know they called me they all survived but I called planning who they call steaming what I called illusion they call my only one sees things as they are [Music] Oh [Music] dream hard enough like red Jabar will meet a violent end he could
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be stealing [Music] three [Music] [Music] [Music] sometimes I feel as if you're my only friend in this world right my book it's covered in mud oh no wait is that that smell is me Jafar you would not
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believe the morning I've had why is my captain of the Royal Guard covered in well my men and I just jumped from a window and into a cart of crazy Hakeem's discount fertilizer why you were chasing a man no a devil a thief who everyday robs from the common folk bread laundry off of clotheslines and even water melons we try to catch him but he's
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always just one jump ahead today things got a little out of hand and a lot of good people are dead explain well the sword swallower slit his throat from the inside in the thief's pet monkey ripped the sword right out of it she know the guy that sleeps on the bed of nails yes a fat guard fell on him now he's dead then when we fell from the window and into the cart of manure a ball snapped
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his neck on impact two more choked on all this for a loaf of bread Abdul you're alive I thought you took them did we get the loaf of bread back window I'm sorry the thief got away with you yes yes sir do we got the bread back praise this is all your fault Jafar my
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fault how is this my fault and not that thief there wouldn't be any thieves if you fix the socio-economic inequality like you promised why do you even bother visiting us commoners anymore you are risked a cat there's a very important treats coming into town today from what about vassal kingdoms the land of Peaks are I've come to welcome him personally another suitor for the princes oh if only captain he's here because the trade agreement between his kingdom and ours has expired and
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I've got to extend the contract or our kingdom is doomed that's why I pulled out all the stops to make this Prince's visit a happy one we've arranged to Kevin to breakfast with our princess giving him a two-day park hopper pass and a lanyard for souvenir pin collecting everyone must treat this prince with the utmost respect I saw that very Prince riding by on his horse earlier know he was being accosted by the same thief we just spoke a lot the
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street rat threw a whip in his face he told him that he'd never seen a horse with two rear ends now I'm not sure if the thief meant that the prince had a big horsey ass or a horse ass for a face either way everyone laughed and the prince was furious go back to the palace and make sure his breakfast with the princess goes well but you're far isn't she known to sick Tigers on visiting Prince's oh you're right
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I sure hope you haven't goofed this one up Jafar no I haven't why don't you go apprehend what's-his-name there are whispers rumors only they say he's called Aladdin then we must find this one look at this mess
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dead bodies in the street the state of this kingdom there's no place to raise a monkey come on monkey don't be scared yeah it's just a dead body you can have fun with them look you can kick oh you can eat them most importantly you get to loot them ah there it is look at that hey that looks enough like you it'll get
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you into the bars those guards you know just let me take this Brad don't forget it I'm not a bad guy I steal only what I can't afford and that's everything [Music] one food no money I'm screwed that's why [Music] we don't understand monkey bout
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it anything she should just kill you but I was like no monkey that's crazy but now I'm kind of thinking yeah no more raisins I'll bring you some more bread tomorrow with it no raisins oh you're the best I'm gonna tell all my friends about you but you owe me one did you know this barbaric country
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[Music] [Music] I can get for free besides the economy still I'm a page for making X's get chased by murderous mob hey man get the jobs you know me trouble if you get caught Obama trouble [Music]
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[Music] I can't give up on my dreams and settle down just because your dad's being a dick besides if I do marry I want it to be for love oh well Adhan I understand I knew you would you're such a special girl Jezebel [Music] and cuz you stole my daughter that's completely fair but in my defense
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dude your daughter's hot I feel that it's my duty the steel steel arts I'll steal clothing and shelter whatever I lack candy from babies the shirt off your back credit identities thundering seeds intellectual property whatever that means and if you look closer Steele [Music] [Applause] [Music] all right it's imperative that this prince his visit is a happy one and who
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knows maybe he and the princess will hit it off good luck marrying her Oh Prince Achmed your excellency is this how your kingdom treats its guests look at this tell me what do you see your heart boxershorts my liege what else your ass cheeks my
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lord drinks they're hanging out and what's this blood on my hands cheeks tell me Java is it because it is because your princess just six a Bengal
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tiger upon me I am lucky that this is so pert and small what I am grateful for your tiny ass my lord I cannot believe that she thought that she could feed a prince to a Bengal tiger and that there would be no political consequences this really is an act of war Jafar and she treated it as if it were a throwaway joke because if I was something silly side character here early to illustrate the reluctance to
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get married well not only am i got war of a sovereign nation that I have feelings too and people who care about me you must forgive our princess she is youthful but well-meaning and who do not feed me a and couscous this is yet another insult that your kingdom has feet upon mine but you can no longer afford such consider your
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kingdoms greatest exports over the last 10 years toys exotic fish trash compacting or robots and other such Incredibles all reduce not buy your kingdom yes you produce the goods and we distribute them you think that ready for don't we share the credit perhaps we don't want to share the credit any longer I had considered extending our alliance but now because
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of your princess-like is completely out of the question the next time that I returned its so-called Magic Kingdom it will not be with a lanyard or a topping turn that girl Oh princess you've got some splaining to do no the indian swallow tips they've escaped no I set them free those birds were imported from a foreign land they can't survive here the Hawks will have them
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within the hour well an hour free is better than a lifetime in a cage being fed and pampered and cleaned up after what kind of a life is that when are you going to learn that your actions have consequences that Prince you just seek the tiger honor has threatened our kingdom with war oh it's not a big deal he was such a joke just like every other swaggerin peacock I've met but not all of your suitors
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have deserved a tiger set upon them what about that first prince he was a charming fellow I heard he once made out with a girl while she was blacked out that's not charming that's kind of rapey well what about Prince Eric the seafaring flautist Oh predator fish will anyone ever live up to
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your impossible standards you know you're going to have to get married one of these days never marriage is a medieval construct that represents the ownership of women it's like slavery right besides if I do marry I want it to be for love one of these days you're going to learn that life isn't about dreams coming true it's a series of compromises and disappointments I was
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hoping that Prince Achmed could fix our kingdoms problems but now we are worse off than ever and I've got to find a way to clean up your mess being a princess is so stifling I'm suffocating in this palace fair princess now I'm kind of
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chilly I can't wear this did you know they make these things in sweatshops where have you been spinning silk annual private sweatshop business you actually work in one of those that's supporting a corrupt system you're a part of the problem am I the only one who wants more out of life I just want
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to be free so badly slaves would never understand this feeling I'm the most powerful girl in the land with a wave of my hand I can give up command but it's just like cuz they don't understand get my life from the outside and sure I've got servants and tigers and stuff
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you're probably thinking she's got to breathe me well it's true cuz I do what so the what [Music] I want a life of adventure with no orders I have to obey and dangers galore long as I can be sure
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[Music] to me I just want everything [Music] I want to live on the moon and eat it in a pie and keep it as a pet and wear it like a gemstone in my hair
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[Music] the people who say I'm just like father we'll see how strong you get your as I laugh in their faces [Music] somebody help with this or two [Music] [Applause] I were lonely
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[Music] like with money what I wouldn't give [Music] because I'm always bored
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[Music] and [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] all right team we've got to brainstorm we could be facing war team hello hey Jafar
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captain where is my team my assistant four seals might think tanks that share my commitment to duty and devotion as my whole 2d department gone missing oh you haven't heard what bad news Jafar the orders already been carried out by Royal Decree of the Sultan and his executive branch the entire 2d Department is to be disbanded Oh 150 of its members are to be sacked mm-hmm we put them in burlap sacks and beat
26:38
them until they were dead but those were men and women of talent and quality of all those masters of craftsmanship just thrown right out the window out of the highest window of the Western Tower but how could the Sultan do this don't blame the salt in Jaffa this is all your fault you didn't have the 2d Department producing anything of value well yes I know Oh see ya to think our Kingdom was once
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a pioneer of art and culture and technology how did it come to this how did it come to this oh wait it can't be her necklace missing news
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[Music] sands of time take me back before a dog went wrong when loved ones but a song and tomorrow shone as brightly as the Sun teach me to undo what's done
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[Music] and brings a lot with this blessing you do far today's the day isn't it the day the palace finally gets up good and honest man on payroll assistant Vizier to the Sultan you'll straighten out those crooked politicians I'm so really no no people are I'm sure the higher up to the palace are doing their very best they just need someone with strong resolve to keep them on that straight
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narrow I suppose you're right but how do you do it how is it that you are so good my secret is simple really anyone do it I just follow the golden rule [Music] why it's as easy as a one two three four follow the golden rule for life stick to a street and keep that in mind come to everyone you meet follow the golden rule
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it isn't hard to do always treat others like sisters and brothers and they'll do the same for you before you harm their fellow man ask this question first about what you wish that eat renew his fortunes worry follow the golden rule do you know what the penalty is for stealing your head right there friends Omar what's going on G this boy has
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brought mission to take the law into your own hands my rice Jafar is it right before you harm your fellow man ask this question first how would you wish that be true if the fortunes were reversed might take this boy say you could just as easily put it to work give him a job thank you boy don't you see that if everyone were to steal for Omar's card that he would be the one who was starving
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[Music] the golden [Music] are you I think that's about enough fun for one day hi friends a biker oh excuse me sir who dares enter the Royal Palace and disturb the royal user
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has he rests in his royal chambers of the royal palace you who are you me sir my name is Jafar sir the new assistant well I intend to do a little bit more than that my friends and now I know it's my first day but if you'll spare me some patience I've prepared a list of reforms that the city is in desperate need of
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it's gonna take a lot of hard work and a little bit of elbow grease but I believe that if we just follow the golden rule that we can all create a whole new world for you and me and most importantly the great people of this kingdom I listen boy you speak of a golden we have our own golden whoever has the gold
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[Music] the golden how can a man resist with a gold in his hand let's remove the land oh I am see the letter me Oh I'll never see who has the gold makes all the news so he wins the game and the
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prize for winning and the game begins again inaudible Daniel stupid charity or us [Music] so just keep your mouth shut and your
35:34
palm comes aloof to the opium den what is this palace life right there girl what's been done to you somebody cut off my ear because they didn't like my face but that's barbaric
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hey it's home well worry not miss I am a study healer I may not be able to save the ear but I can stay the bleeding it would help if we kept you talking you could start by telling me your name my name is Shahrazad I suppose this will be the end of me and here only for my beauty and now that's gone I'm sure Zhaan true beauty lies within but no scratch could tarnish your heavenly glow your words are like honey young master
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Jafar and now you master to no man and a woman I am a servant to the people and therefore your servant I tell me well what is it that you do in the palace I entertain nobles with singing and dancing and stories stories what kind of stories oh if anything you can imagine tell me have you ever heard the tale of the tiger head cave filled with wonders beyond your wildest dreams a forbidden treasure a rug possessed
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with the soul of a letter thief and perhaps the greatest treasure of them all a common an oil lamp why oh but do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance this is no ordinary lamp it is the prison of a Djinn a shape-shifter who will grant your every wish he's also really funny well there we are keep the bandages
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tight let's the wounds become gangrenous by Allah are you a sorcerer oh no no sorcery is a craft for fools and dreamers I am a man of science I believe only in what I can touch and feel this cave you speak of I can assure you it doesn't exist I would know because I apprenticed a geographer oh you've just never seen it because the cave remains hidden to all but those who
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possess the key here beautiful pendant a golden scarab if I'm not mistaken half a scarab half the key it is said that the cave was sealed by two lovers who were then transformed into wine and golden scarab the cave will only reopen when the two halves become one love is a United once more that's beautiful so you see you say you only believe what you can touch and feel the magic does
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nothing if not touch the soul and there's no greater feeling than that wise words perhaps you're right [Music] perhaps I haven't touched a party do you know many stories do you I know a thousand tales to fill a thousand nights but now another story comes to mind a noble young vizier a sense to wonder
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sight he's brilliant ass he's handsome and handsome as he's gone he is at once familiar and unknowable to the frightened girl he meets along the way and to the girl surprise something in his eyes kept her to know him and inspires her to say [Music]
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want to know your past so tell me slowly from the store Oh teacher savor every pore [Music] make the soft realize I want to know which turn to tell me our life [Music] I thought I knew them whoa now I
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with what I can't see too [Music] the young Vizier had come to help inspire change but faded planned and unexpected to waste within the palace walls he discovered something strange and found the missing part Oh she is at once a comfort and a mystery
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to the cattle man she meets that fateful she's beautiful and wise and something that kid seemed to know where that inspires him to stand I want to know your story I want to know your past I want to know your future too fill my days and nights with the tale of you [Music]
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Oh [Music] [Applause] everything until you answered my cow only wish I forget what happens next [Music] remind me how she answers when he asks her for her man took you long enough [Music]
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so let's make our story so let's make eyes story with nowhere patty I'm homeless damn that Royal vizier the common man is starving and he feasts like a self-styled God my land reform bill will never pass they refused you again I worked with the most selfish corrupt incompetent open mouths unfit all the donkey's they could just speak with a sultan before a minute I could have his
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ear as that nobleman took my ear sure's her to church I'm only joking too far now that I have you smiling for me what is it include ahead so birth daddies speaks or words I saw him in the marketplace that I knew he would delight you what else to say anything you teach them donkey oh those horse words are mine aren't
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they you clever girl always finding new ways to keep me honest it'll be good for us to have something to love and care for it can be practiced for us [Applause] are you saying have all of our attempts finally borne fruit even when the doctors said it could not be so oh praise Allah the merciful and compassionate Jabbar news from the palace your request for hearing what the Sultan has been granted the palace of me
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my land reform bill being heard by the Sultan on this of all days come with me to the palace and let us never be parted again [Music] [Applause] [Music] so let's take ours let's make ours a story with no [Music] [Applause]
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below me her the representative of Allah on earth father of the country Shepherd of the people suffering of the land he of the truly behind the Sun never Cyrus
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and Bharat saw the divine the Royal soldier [Music] Susie say yes a golden toilet I never thought I'd see this day what do you think he'll say to us what wisdom will he impart chance the Sultan shall now speak in his many
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years ago I took my finger and I pushed in my penis and it hasn't come out since I will now hear from the court a very wise and enthralling tale my lord we can all learn a lesson from it I expect what is
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myopia Thomas Erlewine sweet meats and cheeses at once my lord and now my lowly and unworthy assistant Vizier will present some issue or other for your consideration speak now Jafar and don't it up greetings your highness it is I too far I humbly prostrate myself to you and
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offer up this bill of land reform it is essential to our way of life who are you Lisa I'm Jafar as I sends Mattie Leo jabbering ape oh this is my wife it is an honor to be in your presence great Sultan yeah she's my wife now I must have her for my harem what she makes my withered Lawrence feel life again very good my lord she will be yours at one oh
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she's my wife damn it do you speak gets your Sultan but gets your king I know me this woman will be bathed and chaste and brought to your harem at once my love [Music] let this happen he's stealing you for me he's a thief I won't let you go but you
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must the sultan wishes hidden it is our purpose deserving for me maybe I have a new purpose now the city needs you you are going to be a great busy or something that is what your story is about how I wish I had the power to rewrite this toy you'll never stop wishing it to see here take this you remember the two lovers the key to the tiger head cave we will be reunited one day [Music]
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[Applause] [Music] first I lost her to the Sultan and I lost her to heaven I thought that if I just did my duty I could get her back now I am Royal vizier and powerless to save her or our city unless the land the
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wish-granting Jing if I believed it wishes they silly as it seems I'd find that hidden cave turned back the sands of life and save you if I believe I believed in magic if I believed it could I'd be the best was here I'd make
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our troubles disappear if I believed I could but wishes or dreams and dreams are pretend to psychics and reason when out science says you're dead and gone whatever reason says I'm talking to the air it's to begin my secret Bart [Music] we're fine
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perhaps not to to change the course for bait after you believed [Music] Jaffar of what is it captain can't you
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see I'm busy bad news it's the princess we've checked everywhere but she's nowhere to be found it appears she's run away freedom I should have seen this coming I agree this is all your fault so far well don't just stand there come out and find her leave no stone unturned I have an errand I must attend to oh you poor naive girl I only hope you haven't fallen prey to some sex-crazed ruffian
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right this way babe I want to thank you again for saving me back at the marketplace I can't believe that man wanted to reprimand me just for taking some of his apples yeah whose merchants real dicks about that kind of stuff it's like is he really gonna eat all those apples you know the ones he doesn't eat he's trying to sell for money so greedy but you're so generous sticking your neck out for a girl you just met while
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expecting absolutely nothing in return and then insisting that I stay with you tonight no problem I do it all the time Wow you live here well squatting here it's beautiful yeah it's kind of a mess right now it's high to keep a big place like this clean well don't you have someone to clean it for you like a slave well I got this monkey but uh he only cleans his side of the room leaves the shower curtain open all
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the time and he doesn't even started working her screenplay this is so unfair poor people need slaves just as much as rich people - maybe even a little bit more and you know what the really sad part is the people in power are doing absolutely nothing to change that change scares old people yeah Kronus just don't get it you know it's
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like you're 16 and I'm yeah Wow I'm only 33 I think I've seen it all but I forget how young I am syntax I love how wrong this conversation is you are so mature and deep of course it's a free thinker like you who's struggling to get by and all because of
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our totally corrupt class system I hate the class system that's what said it I'll never go to school again so you abandoned everything to be free that is so brave brave me yeah but I was kind of forced into it I had to grow up fast my life has just been so hard I
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know you think I'm this perfect guy but there's something I have to confess I only hope it doesn't make you like me anyway I got this tragic backstory that's driven other girls away but I feel like I can trust you you won't judge me for what I say the others couldn't handle it
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cuz my story's just used not here I go you oughta know I have no mom [Music] earlier this year now I'm an orphan all my parents every day would support me give me a place to stay tell me they loves me no matter
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what they were really bad parents where was the 33 old kids supposed to know how to survive on his own no idea what it's been like I have no one to take the bread no one to make my bed no one to teach me the difference between right wanna sing me a song how long yes from this I used to be but I was
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orphaned at 33 I've got no one to hold me tight you no one to kiss me good night nor depress press up against me and say [Music] but hey that's just the way life is for me since I was forced and at 33 the
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Kolya jerk-offs a Poorna o'clock but I can let the junk in my head I could have been a contender if not for the fact that my parents are dead All Things Considered I think I turned out pretty good pulled myself up by my bootstraps and started stealing our like there's no love but I'll make it looser
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despite and crushing [Music] but I make a solemn vow my you'll see [Music] they'll never know [Music] [Applause]
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do you believe in love at first sight absolutely I've experienced it many many times oh there you are they're after me good for you there's fuse guys together right there got it comfy princess I'm so glad we found you before this criminal was able to give me
01:00:21
my first kiss and no high five [Music] and you ruined it now let him go I cannot this man must face trial for his crimes that is not fair he's a victim of circumstance victim tell that to be fools twin brother Abdul he was the
01:00:59
victim well unlike Aladdin he probably had a family who loved him yes exactly this man must face the to punishment for all murdering thieves beheading don't look at me like that after my orders from Jafar this is all his fault Jafar is a monster you are late
01:02:04
you have it then I have this little few throats but I got it oh yes church the other half of the golden scarab now I can finally find the entrance to the tiger head cave wait wait what you've spectacles throats I didn't tell you to kill anyone this is awful no that is just an expression what yeah I got a killer deal at the marketplace oh oh so you bought it off a merchant a
01:02:34
ah a real truth businessman too but that was not intimidated into a shop that is another common expression it means that I put that merchant in this place as if
01:03:06
he were a defensive Oh colorful expressions in the marketplace these day you know just learn you'll need to learn to relax I beg your pardon you've done an excellent job here is your payment I think it went great until that margin to realize how bad I screwed him on the price man did he ever jump my dick off ha
01:03:40
[Laughter] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] we've got a kingdom to save in a lab to find the tiger had Davis said to be a treacherous place but no matter I know just the able-bodied so like in risk in good conscience so let me get this straight you've busted me out of jail so I could go to a cave filled with mountains of
01:04:24
gold and the only thing you want is a crummy old lamp precisely the rest of the treasure is yours but the lamp is mine don't have so much gold I could swim through it like a pool I think people can really do that no but once you have all that knowledge you can finally leave your life of crime behind run away I'm totally gonna do that I
01:04:57
just gotta do this one thing first what thing would that be well this thing is a girl what yeah she's got these eyes the gist hate her but Wow in her toddies on she's just some beautiful soccer ball but she's the
01:05:27
princess to even stand a chance I'd have to have enough money to like hire an army of assassins to kill the Royal vizier and all the palace guards then I could sneak in and you know porker dude once I get my mind set on a chick I just can't move on you know tell like if it's not out when first you must escape the tiger head gave with your life then you can kids are not out your eternal not out
01:05:59
nice so where is this place anyway I don't know yet good work follow their trail [Music] you'll be treated like a hero over citizens at or still throw a parade in my honor with peacocks and monkeys galore the people will cheer
01:06:33
loyal florette serving duties call not that I care for glory I just want a story with a happy ending for all I can't wait to be because burning coal [Music] you don't [Music] there it is the entrance to the tiger
01:07:59
cave the world and voluntary the genie will say to me Safari you're a man of such virtue I hate to see how your loneliness and your memories hurt you shouldn't a man whose influence is so good have someone by his side I know what you're wishing so with your
01:08:31
permission I'd like to bring back your [Music] and my wife beside me my failures will be absolved paradise with all
01:09:12
will retire to some far-off place Sharon 1850 living space [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] what's happened dude I was swimming through this pile of gold and they're right when it all turned into lava I'm so lucky I escaped on this fly did you get the left well I got alien Oh oh boy
01:10:13
toss it here that's so fast you said you wanted a common oil lamp yes of absolutely no value precisely that's the one no this couldn't be it cuz this lamp has a magic gin inside he came out for a bit he's really funny I'm sorry I know about the jinn I'm sorry that I deceived you I just needed it to save the kingdom who you lied dude all that other treasure was just lava in the skies so I'm stealing this thing I'll add one old ferns info [Music]
01:10:50
[Applause] [Music] Celgene armies of Pizza my faithful legions your princess let's have Prince Achmed there you are who don't want forgotten about we weren't sure if you're ever coming back my prince of course I came back why
01:11:24
wouldn't I men you would not believe the disrespect sir that I was shown on my journey into the Magic Kingdom but I come to you with blue of the crimes done against me everyone look at my ass tell me what do you see a smooth set of Chiefs my prince a clean and put a smile Ord I see the
01:11:57
back of your balls that's right claw marks is what you'll see and how do you suppose they got there you receive the manhood of a badger you smiled at a crocodile those are stretch marks they happen it was a tiger oh I see you received the manhood of a tiger yes yes to Julia that lets a prince made
01:12:30
love to a tiger Oh hail ahmed the tiger I did not suck a tiger one was set upon me that done cat tore right through the seat of my pants and grabbed ahold of my warding no no my woody look his arm is all up and now now he can't come
01:13:06
with me to cowboy camp because of that ungrateful obvious I'm not this will
01:13:47
sticky up in nose and this ridiculous mustache you just save it don't you dare we love you just the way you are no matter what happens you will always be a prince to me thank you in your home and you're a legend oh the people know your name on the battlefield and off you are Sookie I know in the kingdom my only claim to fame is an incident
01:14:21
involving my posterior please I've won stores of bloody watts and love the claws with my phones I've eviscerated peasants from my heads down to the toes say my name in these pots and you'll get the vacant stare until you mentioned Tigers or spotted on the well spotted on the so - I stole my
01:15:02
repute as I feel feel some boots there's only one rule dicey arrange the slaughter of millions of innocent they'll remember me the kingdom has a pastor for years but I've really known for too long we're going to war caked in blood no one
01:15:31
remembers you can pleasure ladies all the women to reach me like a throwaway joke [Applause] [Music] I won some affection these rejections almost too much am I not getting a beauty don't you want a piece of this what is your loudly give up all of your worldly possessions just to greet me
01:16:23
when I come home from a one-sided massacre and babe my sweaty bloody water with your common sense piece feeling that once I Oh [Music] like I said
01:17:46
[Applause] they remember [Music] you aren't you busy ruining my life I noticed you weren't at dinner but I saw you try to poison my wine usually when you do that it means you want to talk what's up are you mad at me all right I've got to go find the antidote where
01:18:39
are you going there she is so what's wrong you ripped off my heart and smashed it into a million pieces and don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about oh that innocent boy from the marketplace the one that you sentenced to death you know yes 11 the name that will forever be burnt into my soul first of all I would hardly call him a
01:19:15
boy he was well into his thirty years he was perfect like if you cobbled together all the best features from all the best guys and then gave him a tragic backstory it's like he was designed specifically to appeal to me professor he was not a nice kind of fellow you just didn't know him like I do you didn't know him like I did I knew everything about him he was my soul mate my my I'm waking out what was his name
01:19:51
Aladdin mm-hmm I'm writing that down too else oh no no 102 deals mm-hmm oh that looks weird yeah it's weird all your life I've been your Vizier your tutor believe it or not I care about you though going to have to rule this kingdom one day and I am trying my best to prepare you but I don't want to be prepared
01:20:21
I want to expect the unexpected so you think you could handle ruling the kingdom right now well then how would you protect the kingdom against Prince Achmed should invade Oh or more simply how would you fix the socio-economic inequality oh oh oh I've been thinking about this a lot lately and mm-hmm and how privileged I am and how because I am the princess everyone has to be
01:20:54
nice to me and give me things so I think it would solve all of the kingdom's problems if we just made everyone a princess okay ma you know it would work okay you're young you don't exactly get how things work yet and while I don't appreciate any of your ideas I don't recreate the fact that you have ideas maybe one day you'll have some good ones we wouldn't give another fault and it's Aladdin he's just like all the
01:21:30
other Prince's in our kingdom sexual predators the lot of them just look at their tactics he targets vulnerable young girls and build up false senses of trust and then isolate their mom magic rides of sort and then when the moment is right they whip it out you know their songs they weary of young boys who without their songs a song is often a
01:22:01
prelude to a dear a song is a dick in sheep's clothing and if you are ever in doubt just remember this song a song is addicting [Music] the kids on the way Jaffar what is it captain can't you see I am trying to impart a life lesson I feel like you only come to see me when there's bad news not this time oh thank heavens what is
01:22:35
it that horrible news some fool atop an elephants is leading a parade throughout the marketplace with no permits no clearing of the streets what are the Apple carts they were all turned over and it gets worse the madman's throwing gold pieces to the starving masses and they're trampling each other to get to it I counted 13 dead before the peacocks got to them this is all your fault
01:23:05
Jafar maybe a few threw a parade every once in a while I don't want to get it captain let's go princess we'll talk later it was actually a pretty good parade they even had a flying carpet flying carpet could it be no that's Aladdin this far too clever to show his face in the city again and even if he did he'd be in such heavy disguise knock-knock did somebody order a prince
01:23:48
you those me because it is you you're just wearing different clothes well pretty and smart it all shabang bed but how did you escape being executed I escaped cuz I'm a prince you're a prince but I thought that you were a poor orphan boy oh I'm having trouble believing this no no I am a prince everything he told you the other night was a lie don't you trust me you're not
01:24:34
a tragic figure rebelling against the man babe I am the man and you stole that stuff just cuz exactly oh okay um now I'm kind of feeling like everything about you that was attractive to me before is really there anymore no no I'm just being indecisive it's still you I've just got to get back on
01:25:10
that high that I was on before oh you want to get high yes look into my eyes and talk to me some more about the world's injustice sure yes let me roll this blunt first dojin listen up little dude I know I can't wish for this chick to fall in love with me coz that's against your rules or whatever but I don't want her to love me man I just
01:25:40
want to me can I wish for that no she's humming rooster back dude funny bastard alright guess I'm gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way hey aladin here hi guys doing tonight gonna shut off their second horn and get serious you guys know there's a way to get people to think about sex not even talking about
01:26:11
sex you just gotta do it subliminally watch and learn hey baby such a beautiful night take off your clothes [Music] what did you just say I said it's beautiful out look at the west tower the palace and take off your clothes what does it look like a big long shaft with a tiny head on top what does that remind
01:26:49
you of a giraffe really it's not what I see hmm maybe you can't take off your clothes get a good look at it from down here what do you say we take a magic carpet ride [Music] let's go to a place that's a bit more isolated where you can escape taking off your clothes take off of course oh no you guys do you think that Jafar could be right about Aladdin [Applause]
01:27:47
Aladin is so nice and charming I mean it's not like he's singing or anything [Music] see that Palace of gold shiny sparkly metallic and a little bit phallic take a look in your breathe see those leaves on the ground
01:28:19
spelling something explicit you blink or you'll miss it gently asking you and me take off your clothes maybe subtle it slightly but if you're sure they'll put you to take off your [Music] with no cage and no
01:29:09
look that priest has a boner [Music] [Music] with loving except the cosmic there and take God's love [Music] you love me sure and your friends been the most powerful Prince the world where powerful and Prince I'm Madison I don't even know what that is maybe this is how I help save the kingdom by
01:30:04
marrying you marry me Aladdin if I do with you take off your coat take off your car last at least your tongue a letter stop listen take I mean another scare I mean I am too
01:30:35
never done this okay okay hey I respect you you know [Music] what let me ask you this is your penis an inny or an outy Sultan my lord my liege T'Pau can't you see I'm in the middle of a mind-blowing conversation
01:31:40
with this very man what is it he's just in the marketplace clearing up after an unauthorized parade when I saw him Prince Achmed he's back oh I played that he was just a one-off joke not to be taken seriously but he's brought the entire army of Pixar with him and they'll break through our walls our kingdom is doomed and I am I've failed you like always and like always I've had
01:32:14
to rectify your incompetence what now the princess is finally chosen a suitor a prince who shall wait upon the morrow he will call upon his armies and they would defeat Prince Achmed who is this man this hero the greatest prince in all the world he's got 50 elephants llamas galore there's lion West Bay the brass bed and horse forget about all my horses don't freeze
01:32:47
this is the wanted thief Aladdin who knows me Jafar know Aladdin explained everything to me he was just pretending to be a wanted criminal for fun he's actually a powerful Prince no he's a liar this is the truth I took him into the desert in search of a lamp containing a wish-granting jinn just stay with me I was hoping to use to them to save the kingdom but this thief stole it from me and now I suspect what the
01:33:20
am I talking about no no has he used the land and wished for this Prince costume that is what we are looking at right now that the lamp is under that lamp sized hat I would intend to be a prince just to get laid it's not me boy do the first good deed of your life and hand over the lamp you have selfishly squandered it's magic for long enough Wow why are you thinking I made you far
01:33:52
great I'll reveal your little secret what secret does anybody else here ever wonder how this guy just opens his yapper and can talk anybody into anything he wants what's he using logic reason Z I was kind of thinking magic Sultan princess this guy is a sorcerer what think about how they know so much
01:34:22
hey Jafar where do hippopotamuses come from Africa yeah you know that sorcerer you are flying by the seat of your pants point no one here believes you I can't believe it I have had a sorcerer in my missus entire time gods no this is your own fault Jafar I should have known you were a source taking the
01:34:54
word of that worthless street rat over a lifelong faithful servant how I ever served you for all these years I'll never understand I would have expected this from all of you bozos but princess I am very disappointed in you all right I've heard enough Caesar fire betrayal off with his head no I don't want to get my head chopped off so I'm going to combine this bottle of potassium chlorate and this bottle of sodium bicarbonate to create a large cloud of smoke which I'll use as a cover to make my escape it will look as if something magical has happened but it's
01:35:25
simply a chemical reaction not sorcery chemistry and peace yeah actually what's a Sportster who cause the deceiver of the spots for her no I can handle this I got one wish left the senator for a bigger dick
01:35:57
[Music] [Applause] [Music] against by shunting the highest stack of trees and what Ivan for the patrons I did it for a reason to me unlucky don't torture me if not what made me think that I could get away with such a broad it's not the thing to bring it that for have some people but if my crying can help improve the
01:36:32
world we all must live in am I not found vital T to the people of this nation does the golden rule apply in such a situation as a citizen but which way do
01:37:03
I turn when the roads become so [Music] twisted body knows from Shahrazad stories you think you know there are two sides ever licked and always kept my
01:37:46
world but my brother held the antiquated notion that women should be seen so it is the wrong way that new sound man on top of that resumed made to the outskirts of the kingdom Nina came took my simpler and my crown no I tried to take him down the truth and I now share a watery grave a story lingers on but
01:38:18
the version that is drawn is to worst pain I know all too well [Music] [Applause] the pride had never seen a more progressive King than me but lion and hyena lived in perfect harmony I'm dronin in to what had been a census eight oh dude I was prepared for anything except for one in the sued my brother aids buyers my precious Cubs he stole my throne returned to segregation and the hatin ways we know they were
01:38:55
advocate for unity I've always must denounced so I saw an opportunity to write the room I see the pride came before my fault in a think that one might call we will twist they weren't ready for my auntie they can hate you because of your ideas they hated you because of that hateful looking scar on your face fortune favors the beautiful au contraire
01:39:26
[Music] my only crime was love in town there was only she who was as beautiful as me I'm deep inside but tragedy struck she was taken hostage in a castle filled with demonic furniture so I did what anyone would do and I organized a rescue mission but how was I to know that she had fallen in love with her captor to me that doesn't seem entirely healthy [Music]
01:40:05
especially since he's a wolf bear take a buffalo monster in a cape but the heart wants what it wants and sometimes what it hurts is twister [Music] we wish [Music] they wish to teach the bars [Music]
01:40:48
Oh [Music] [Music] a puppy [Applause] it's an unfortunate situation but you do have a choice [Music] [Applause] what remains of a man when that man is
01:42:04
dead and gone only memories and stories of his deeds will linger for men's accomplishments aren't in the tale they tell are the deeds that go on heralded his legacy as well if a world reach out tomorrow we'll all have hell to pay why protect by circulation how will they
01:42:36
tell my story will anybody the question then is whether tis nobler in the mind to be well liked for ineffectual or moral but maligned I'll never be a hero for the citizens adore but if I might to save my life what has my life been for who what has my life
01:43:14
Oh [Music] like nothing left to lose who wins my words like the people scored me who can't know whatever [Music] that night the beat [Music] with the scenes of a Magic Kingdom your
01:44:20
armies have abandoned you your ruling classes collapse and we have come to put an end to your tear Manticore or incest thing if you die Prince Achmed who since last man visited you last week I swore vengeance
01:44:52
I brought my army to ravage your people oh that's right didn't my tiger eat your ass no your tanga did not eat oh my ass it is all II will be doing the today that's right bring or commit his
01:45:21
tiger and nobody gets hurt stop it what I meant was that I'm going to destroy his kingdom I'm so sorry Achmed you are not destroying this kingdom anytime soon we have a great and powerful Prince to protect us one with an army far greater than yours impossible it is said that he faced the
01:46:03
galloping hordes that's like a hundred bad guys with swords soon you'll be the ones surrendering Prince Achmed make way for Prince Oh [Music] it appears that your prince has cold feet now step aside princess it's not you I'm after and I come for the head of the Sultan and you come from my head Achmed
01:46:59
what is the meaning of this you are not the salt air yes I am I have been gifted power Achmed and soon I will have the power to destroy your puny army impose on us come forth my chin you all powerful and terrible don't care and serve your master you talking to me you're talking to me yes I am talking to you now get your ass over here here's Johnny alright Charlie yeah that's that's thing John when Pirates of
01:47:52
the Caribbean breaks down the Pirates don't eat the tourists so I used my my first wish to become the Sultan I wish I had a million dollars ha ok calm the down now I must use your powers again by jinnah all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world she walks [Music] what's going on here who's this very funny blue man standing they feel this
01:48:27
is my G Johnny I'm turbo man I'm sorry I guess his name is actually turbo man don't understand you're strange godlike tone you're going to have to work with me here I don't work for toons a toon killed my brother I have got to use my second wish to destroy that army and to do that I've got to become more than a man I've got to become a symbol no no I said I take for what's a dick for I've got to become a sorcerer can you do
01:49:21
that yeah but you're gonna have to ask yourself one question do I feel lucky do you yes I do feel lucky I've got a magic Jing I think you might be a hey don't look at me like I'm freaking Frankenstein give your father a
01:49:51
hug get your stinking paws off me you damn dirty a turbo man my future is about this long right now are you referencing something are you trying to make me laugh like like some kind of work of fiction as I'm unaware of I was not charmed by the saw you saying when you came out of the lamp huh charmed by your crazy now you either need to back me the up shut
01:50:29
the up got it you had me at hello good Achmed are you still there yes prepare to die all right I make my second wish I wish to become the most powerful sorcerer in the world [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] are we going funky
01:51:17
okay got the carpet Africa at him see you hail monkey seeing hail princess see it hail King down looks looking all over for you they're just lost right now I'm gonna go meet him halfway bring them back here no we don't have time for that we're all gonna die Hey and what's the last thing you want to do before that happens take off your clothes that's right have sex hurry
01:51:49
[Music] Jim turn where are you coming quite major farm fight me like a man you cowardly drain a great forces are too great even with all my power I cannot defeat them we'll have to take as many civilians as we can lead them to the palace and retreat in a moment of triumph I think you
01:52:28
overestimate their chances would you stop acting like an for one minute mrs. Robinson you're trying to seduce me okay okay just move that Dallas to the top exact cliff over there alrighty then baby such a tease you're
01:53:02
making my balls lose my genius I'm not a tease I'm just not a freak oh oh right you're like a strong powerful woman so maybe what you need is a strong powerful guy to go all strong and powerful on you let him stop you're pissing me off you're making sexy gross and lame in fact I'm sure yeah I'm
01:53:30
never gonna have sex with you you never say never babe I think I'm close why is it working what the hell is going on in here nothing you've got that Aladdin we are not a thing anymore okay we're just having our first fight maybe after some makeup sex no no what I thought you were mature for your age but you're just like all the other 16 year old princesses I've dated except you're
01:54:04
forgetting one thing I'm a thief I take what I want cool I'm here am I gonna clean getaway back to my apartment and little princess no I can't let you take her with no idea how much that girl means to me I love her no not
01:54:37
that kind of love you shit-for-brains you don't understand my wife was with child when she was taken by the Sultan she died in childbirth and then the princess was coincidentally born around [Music] by Allah how could I have never seen it before the Sultan inverted his penis years ago he couldn't have children Aladdin please don't hurt her I love her like a daughter
01:55:08
surely even you have felt this kind of love before oh yeah I love my parents but that didn't stop me from doing what needed to be done me what yeah I do remember me you sure the guy killed my parents
01:55:39
where you did man in your reflection I live here no I live here no you're just squatting here wait if I'm you then that means that I killed my parents but I don't want them to die for you kidding you wish for it every goddamn day of your life they were gonna kick you out of the house they won't make you get a job I don't want one of
01:56:19
those that's why he had to die yeah I think Thank You Sen order well thank you you're welcome ah time to get that lamp back what are you gonna do with the lamp whisper stuff jackass like how you wish to be this friends pretty good idea by the way but there a better idea better wishes but
01:56:56
it's gonna be one hell of a ride okay Jesus Christ I don't know what's going on but you are in no position to be handling that knife with this lamp back off it'll kill you yeah see I deserve some land because I'm the best position because I'm the best wish let's the track it's really have to
01:57:29
believe your own oh that come this far yeah you're right I'm not the kind of person oh can you is the lab I don't believe in witches they take someone who believes they can change the world to actually do it yeah someone like me so why don't you hear MATLAB or someone who knows how to use it I think I will
01:57:58
but if I give you the lab will you give me the princess sure you can have this prude pack you wish for a princess or a million back who is for anything then so be it but first I make my final wish attend my wish to take your place as the wish granter do you get your free video powerful TV [Music]
01:58:32
Jeffrey I think in my last place to my workers yeah like the power the absolute power share the universe's mind a command to control and I am at your service
01:59:04
princess I'm just a Jane Doe oh why did you wish don't you see Aladdin was right about one thing my wishes were weak but you your youth and your passion and yes your naivete these give you power When I was your age I thought I could accomplish anything I
01:59:40
ever wanted and more but I didn't perhaps no one does but you have to think you will or you won't have the strength to try and maybe you won't make any big changes but a few little ones that pave the way for the next generation and then they'll make small changes I leave it to the next and the next it's a bit like a carousel of progress always spinning towards a great big beautiful tomorrow and tomorrow is
02:00:12
just a dream away but what if tomorrow never comes Oh tomorrow always even if it comes without us without me the lamp and the gin must return to the tiger before I go I can grant three
02:00:32
wishes this is your kingdom now I have so much to someone I knew long ago you have fur you'll have perfect that's why I love
02:01:17
you so that's somewhere deep within you like a tiny sealed awaiting to grow into a flower you have the power to lead you've done your best to but you don't need me as a guide for its [Music]
02:01:58
beyond what I the source of all I hidden value is the more round you supply if I capable of greatness its [Music] not even fooled by appearances for the width may seem small the power it's the craziest
02:02:49
[Music] carry you in my heart the world will never see you are kind and that's enough now princess what do you wish of me I wish there was a way to end the war with pink star peacefully and I wish the kingdom had a sultan who would make it the happiest place on earth again [Music] what else I wish you didn't have to go
02:04:00
when our story's just beyond sorry princess there are a couple provisos a few quid pro quos it's one wish I cannot grant then I wish [Music] we went in to give him his daily pleasuring and we found him dead in his cold dead hands we found this
02:04:49
declaration apparently his last act as Sultan was signing it from this moment forth the princess shall be the majority stockholder and sole ruler of the kingdom princess it's a miracle what are kids artillery just blew open a secret vault in the palace containing the lost treasure of Ali Baba here it is men room room I'm sorry Ahmed you are not destroying this kingdom anytime soon wanna bet no I
02:05:21
want to buy for my first active Sultan I'm going to purchase the entirety of Peaks are in the name of the Magic Kingdom are you being ridiculous with me right now princess buy pizza we are a proud and Noble people very protective of our name and brand I could never sell pizza for any amount of money captain how much was Ali Baba's treasure it was more
02:05:58
money than I'd ever seen but I was able to count it seven point four billion drachma pleasure doing business with you princess but there is one condition you must bring in new administrators from your land men with good ideas to help us rebuild well that can be arranged we'll set you on the right track but you must respect our traditions and our
02:06:29
heritage please return our kingdom to its commitment to devotion and to duty you must bring back the 2ds all hail our new Sultan the princess from now on no one needs out anyone else equality will finally come to this kingdom for all now on everyone is a princess [Applause]
02:07:07
giving you so many great things have happened today this is all too far as fault captain don't you mean princess [Music] I am so sorry princess done to G so this
02:07:54
is the life of a Jin phenomenal cosmic powers shitty shitty living space so ends the untold story of a Royal vizier funny that's not the ending I recall what you're forgetting the best part when the two lovers are reunited and they live happily ever after
02:08:28
I'm pretty sure someone wished for your happiness so I've come back with you in the land doesn't this make you happy yes of course but doesn't that mean you're trapped here forever I always said a Thousand and One Nights wasn't enough oh then the princess she really did it her other wishes came true as well by making everyone a princess she ensured that they were all treated with respect and compassion
02:08:59
they all did unto others as they were done unto she followed the golden moon and let her people into the third Golden Age what shows up how do you know these things the lamp we exist outside of time and space it's how the king was able to watch all those funny movies keep loading we can see anything anytime anywhere let's see what happened to that deep from Adam laughing good evening worthy please come closer
02:09:33
Ruvo little too close it's like imagine he's old and fat yes look at this combination who can coffee maker also makes brilliance I will not break he'll eat the broke he's secondhand goods he's a loser listen you're nailed it once changed the course of young man's life he does this till his 55th year when he's killed by a
02:10:05
thief over a loaf of bread that's the end of the true story good what of our story how does it end [Music] [Applause] story [Music] [Music] [Applause] Oh [Music] yeah [Music]
02:11:16
did you look [Music] [Applause] [Music] thousands to fill thousand nights but now enough story comes to mind I know bullion drusy i sends two
02:11:46
underside his brilliant boss he's handsome and handsome a sky oh she isn't one to comfort [Music] she's beautiful and someday to know her and inspires him [Applause] I want to know your story [Music] [Music]
02:13:01
[Music] [Music]

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